04x01 - Call of the Wild

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Cliff.

That Banner
Looks Great.

Sondra And Elvin
Will Love That.

They're On Their Way
From The Airport.

I Got Sondra An
Incredible Gift.

The Briefcase.

Not Just Any
Briefcase.

This Is Patent Leather,
With Her Initials In Gold.

It's Perfect For Law School.

When They See What I Got Elvin
For Med. School

They Will Be Very Impressed.

What?

I'm Not Telling.

Not Even A Hint?

Okay.

It's Shiny And Cold
And Rhymes With "Ethoscope."

You Got Him A Stethoscope.

How Did You Guess?

This Is
State-Of-The-Art.

You Put This
In Your Ears

Your Patient Does Not
Have To Leave Home.

He'll Love It.

Yes, He Will.

I'm So Excited For
Sondra And Elvin.

They're Newlyweds...

They Are Both Going
To Good Graduate Schools...

It's The Most Exciting Time
Of Their Lives.

And Do You Know Why?

Because They Have No Children.

Yes, But One Day They Might
Get Lucky Like Us.

Our Daughter And Son-In-Law
Are Following In Our Footsteps.

You Know What I Love?

The Very Fact That Our
Four Remaining Children

Might Go To Law School
And Marry Doctors

And Then If Each One
Had Five Children

And They Went To Law School
And Married Doctors

Then I Could Open Up A Clinic
And Not Worry About Being Sued.

Hello.

Mom, Dad, We're Home!

Welcome Home!

Sondra:
Thanks.

Hey...

How Does It Feel
Being Married Eight Days?

Great.

How Was The Honeymoon?

Unbelievable.

Sensational.

Better Than I Imagined.

Elvin, Not In Front
Of The Children.

I'm Sorry.

Did You Fight?

No.

We Fought
Once.

We Fought Over
Who Loved Whom More.

And Whom Won?

When You Love Each Other
As We Do

It's Hard To Measure,
Dr. Huxtable.

Elvin,
We're Married.

Call Him "Dad."

May I?

No.

I'm Just Joking.

Welcome To The Family, Son.

He Called Me "Son."

Sondra, Look.

What's
All This?

We're Welcoming You Home

And Giving You A Send-Off
To Graduate School.

And So,
Without Further Ado

I Have A Good-Luck Gift
For Our Future Professionals.

You Shouldn't Have
Done This, Dad.

Don't Be Silly.

I Wanted To.

Is It A Tie?

No, Rudy,
The Box Is Too Big.

It's Probably A Stethoscope.

I Knew It.

It's Beautiful

But I Really
Can't Accept This.

But You Have To.

Look At This.

Put Them In There.

Listen To This.

Ba-Boom, Ba-Boom

Ba-Boom!

The Reason I Can't...

I Know It's Expensive

But Look At It As
An Investment In The Future.

There Won't Be Any Stethoscope
In My Future.

I Am Not Buying An X-Ray Machine
To Hang Around Your Neck.

The Reason Is
I'm Not Going To Medical School.

Huh?

I Don't Want To Be A Doctor.

I Don't Understand.

You Should Have
Given Him A Tie.

Elvin,
Tell Them Why.

They'll Understand.

I've Always Had Doubts

About Going
Into Medicine.

I Have A Problem

With Charging
Sick People Money.

You Can Do Community Service
Where You Don't Charge Patients.

There You Go.

I'm Also Not Sure

I Want To Spend
Eight Years In Training.

Once You Get Out,
It's Fat City.

Right,
Dad?

Theo, Elvin Isn't
Interested In Big Money.

He Wants To Do Something
That Will Make Him Happy.

What Would That Be?

I'd Like To Open
My Own Wilderness Store.

Wilderness Store?

Yes, You Know--

Selling Camping Equipment
And Supplies.

You're Interested In Camping?

I Love The Outdoors.

Do You Know Anything
About Wilderness Stores?

Not Yet, But We Met
This Great Couple...

Wendy And
Dave Miller.

They're Opening A Wilderness
Store In Brooklyn This Winter.

In... In... Brook...

In Brooklyn?

I'll Train With Them.

Once I Know The Business,
I'll Have A Franchise.

Isn't That Exciting?

No, I Think It Stinks.

But, Dad...

I'll Tell You
Why It Stinks, Pal...

Cliff, We Need
To Talk.

I Want To Tell Him
Why It Stinks.

Let's Meet In The Kitchen First.

When We Come Back,
Can I Tell Him Why?

Yes.

You Wait Right Here,
Mister.

I Hope You're
Not Angry, Dad.

Not At All, Sporty.

Just Calm Down.

When I Gave My Daughter
To This Man

I Thought He Was Going
To Be A Doctor.

Cliff,
Stay Calm.

Look At The Inscription
On This, Please.

"To Elvin,
Straight From My Heart."

Cliff, This Is
Really Very Sweet.

That's Right.

And He's Going To
Pay Me Back For This.

Mr. Wilderness Will Have To
Sell A Lot Of Sleeping Bags

And Campers And Trail Mix

In Order To Give Me
The Money Back For This.

Try To Be Rational.

I'll Tell You How Rational
I Can Be.

I Hope That He Goes Out
Into The Wilderness

And Gets Poison Ivy

And I Have To Treat Him.

Then He Will Find Out How Much
Sick People Get Charged.

Cliff, Listen To Me.

This Boy Is
Our Son-In-Law.

He Has Married Our Daughter.

Please, Don't Remind Me.

Sondra And Elvin
Have To Lead Their Own Lives.

Elvin's Not Interested In Going
To Medical School Now

But That Could Change.

Give Him A Year
To Try This.

If It Doesn't Work Out

He Could Always
Reapply.

He's Going To Pay Me
For This Stethoscope.

( Whispering: )
Theo...

What's Going On?

Let's Get Upstairs
While The Getting Is Good.

Why?

They're Only Mad
At Elvin.

Hi, Dad.

( Sigh )

So You're Going To Open Up
This, Uh... Wilderness Store

In Brooklyn Some Time
In The Winter.

Do You
Have A Job

Between Now And Then?

Yes, And I'm Proud To Say
It's In The Medical Profession.

Really?
Really?

I'll Be In Pharmaceuticals--

Bennex Industries.

That's A Big Company.

What Are You
Doing For Them?

It's An Entry-Level Job.

Entry Level?

When The Pill Bottles

Come To The End
Of The Assembly Line

I Make Sure The Safety Seals
Are On The Caps.

I'm Inspector # .

He's Got A Title, Honey.

He's Inspector # .

That Sounds Like
A Great Job To Me.

It Really Is.

So They'll Have Money

While Sondra Goes
To Law School.

Mom?

Yes.

I'm Not Going
To Law School.

What?

I've Decided Not To
Go To Law School.

You "Decided" Not To
Go To Law School?!

This Is Our Dream.

I'll Get A Temporary Job Until
The Wilderness Store Opens.

Then I'll Work
With My Husband.

Sondra,
What Are You Saying?

You Have Always Wanted
To Go To Law School.

I Changed My Mind.

Change It Back!

After All The Money We Spent
Sending You To Princeton?

Sondra, You Owe Us
$ , .

And I Want
My Money Now.

I'm Not Going Anywhere
Till I Get My Money.

I'll Take Whatever She's Got.

Empty Her Pockets.

I'm Not Having This!

No!

Really, Both Of Us
Have To Be Calm.

If Elvin Thinks
He Can Drag My Baby Off

Into Some Harebrained
Business Scheme

And Ruin What Is Potentially

The Greatest Legal Mind
Of This Century

He's Going To Have Me
To Deal With

And Then He Can Come
To You For Treatment.

I Understand, And I Agree
With What You're Saying

But You Just Said To Me

"Why Don't We Give Them A Year

And If It Doesn't Work,
They Can Reapply."

That Is Just Plain Dumb.

Why Do You Get To Rant And Rave,
And I Have To Be Calm?

That Is My Baby In There.

That's My Baby, Too.

You Don't Understand.

You Did Not Have That Child.

I Was The One

Who Was On That Table
Screaming, "Take It Out."

If It Takes The Last
Breath In My Body

Sondra Is Going To Become
A Lawyer.

Okay, What Now?

It's Very Simple.

She'll Divorce Him.

Sondra Is In Love With The Boy.

Then You Take Elvin.

What Will I Do With Him?

Take Him On A Trip
In The Country

And Drop Him Off.

He Will Love It
In The Wilderness.

Take Him Out There.

Know What I Love Most
About This Apartment?

What?

That You're In It.

Aw, Elvin.

( Buzz )

I Can't Believe It.

They're Here.

Our First Dinner Guests.

Hi.

Mom, Dad, Come In.

What Do You Think?

So This Is It.

Dad?

It's An Apartment,
All Right.

Have A Seat.

Make Yourselves At Home.

Thank You.

Thank You Very Much.

Comfortable, Isn't It?

Yes.

Can You Believe It?

We Found It
On The Street.

Somebody Actually
Threw It Away.

What, The Apartment?

Let Me Show You What We've
Done To The Place.

You Should
Have Seen It

Before We
Moved In.

It Was
Awful.

Thank You.

It Was Elvin's Idea
To Put Up This Curtain

To Separate The Kitchen
From The Dining Room.

That's Nice.

Where's This View
Of The Verrazano Bridge?

This Way.

Can I Help?

No, No.

I'll Just Roll Right On Out.

That's The "K" From
The Valley Fair Milk Sign.

Ah!

Okay. So This Is It, Huh?

Yeah.

Where's The Bridge?

It's Over There.

To The Left.

Ah!

All I See...

I Just See The Toll Booths.

See How They Sparkle
In The Twilight?

Yeah.

You Should Set Chairs
On The Windowsill

And Have A Good Time.

( Loud Siren )

That's Why We Usually
Keep The Window Closed.

There's A Fire
Station Next Door.

How Do You Sleep?

There Isn't A Fire
Every Night.

Except When We Look
Into Each Other's Eyes.

Oh, Elvin.

I Hope You're Hungry.

We're Having
Spaghetti.

( Creaking )

I Knew I Forgot
Something--

The Basil
For The Sauce.

There's A Wonderful Produce
Market Up The Street.

Let's Go Get Some.

Great Idea.

Want To Come, Dad?

No, I'll Stay Here And Talk
Husband Talk With Elvin.

Love That, Dad.

We'll Be Right Back.

Okay.

What's This?

I Was Going To Explain
That At Dinner--

I Got A Job
Waiting Tables.

Didn't You Apply
For A U.N. Tour Guide Job?

They Postponed The Interview.

We Couldn't Wait.

We Need Money.

Doesn't Elvin
Have Money Coming In?

I Was Going To Explain
That At Dinner.

I Lost
My Job.

The Company Had
An Efficiency Expert Visit.

They Decided
They Only Needed Inspectors.

Don't Worry,
Mom And Dad.

Sondra Spoke To Her Managers.

A Busboy Might Be Leaving

And They'd Be Glad
To Give Me A Chance.

Let's Go For The Basil.

These Are Your Degrees
From Princeton.

Yeah.

Fell Down.

Yeah.

Rather Symbolic

Don't You Think?

Elvin.

Yes, Dad.

Uh...

How Long Are You Going...

How Long...

How Long Are You Going To Keep
My Daughter Living Like This?

We Have A Plan.

We'll Get
The Wilderness Store Started.

Then We'll Get A Bigger Place.

You Have A Plan, But No Job.

I Understand Your Concern.

But Do You Know The Story
Of Milton Hershey?

No, I'm Sorry, I Don't.

Milton Hershey Went Bankrupt
Six Times

Before He Hit It Big
In Chocolate.

You're Not Planning On Taking
My Daughter Through Bankruptcy

Six Times?

Dad, I Think I Understand
How You're Feeling.

No, I Don't Think You Can

Because That's My Daughter.

Right.

But Remember

That Your Daughter
Is Also My Wife.

She Was My Daughter First.

But She's My Wife Now.

And She Will Always Be
My Daughter.

But She Wears My Ring.

She Wears
Braces

That I Paid For
To Straighten Her Teeth

So She Could Marry A Man

Who's Going To Take Her
Into Bankruptcy Six Times.

We Could Go On
Like This Forever.

I Guess You're Right.

I Don't Mean To Interfere

But I Do Think,
If It's All Right With You

I'd Like To Help Out
With Some Money.

Money.

Money.

No, Thank You.

We're Determined
To Make It On Our Own.

It's A Loan.

No.

Milton Hershey Would Take It.

Tonight Was Fun.

( Laughing )

Huh?
Yeah.

After We'd Been There
For A While

I Got A Warm Feeling.

I Think It Was The Heat
From The Hot Plate.

( Knocking )

Who Is It?

Theo. I Need
To Talk To You.

Come In, Honey.

Hi.

Hey.

I'm Really Sorry

About What Sondra
And Elvin Did To You.

Well, It's Okay.

No, I Mean It.

If Sondra Had Come To You
As A High School Senior

And Said, "I Want To
Open A Camping Store"

You Would Have Been Prepared.

But To Do It After Four Years
Of College Was Really Unfair.

I'd Never Do That To You.

Thank You, Theo.

That's Why
I'm Telling You Now

I'm Not Going
To College.

I'm Opening My Own Business
Right After High School.

With What Money?

That's Why I'm Here.

All You Have To Do

Is Give Me The Money You'll
Spend On My Education Now.

How Much Are We Talking?

I Brought My Calculator
And This Research

So We Could
Figure It Out.

To Go To
Bennington...

That's The Most Expensive School
In The United States Right Now.

You Would Have Wanted Me
To Attend The Best.

Of Course.

Yes.
Good.

Tuition Plus Room And Board
Will Cost $ , .

Multiply That
By Four Years

And Add A % Increase
Each Year For Inflation

Then Add $ , For
Books And Lab Fees.

Lab Fees?!

I Was Going To Major

In Chemistry.

We Would Have Been Proud.

Thanks.

Now, Bennington College
Is In Vermont

So We'll Figure In The Cost
Of Coming Home

Every
Weekend.

He Would Come Home
Every Weekend.

He's A Good Boy.

That Comes To
$ , .

Plus $ ,
For Incidentals.

Don't Forget Askadentals.

What's An Askadental?

An Askadental
Is The Money You Ask For

When You Misspend The
Incidental Money You Ask For.

All Right,
I Like That!

So We'll Add Another
$ , For Askadentals.

The Grand Total Is
$ , .

Mm-Hmm.

That's Pretty Steep.

Yes, It Is.

I'm Willing To Deal Here.

Because You're Great Parents,
I'll Take Off %.

Sounds Good.

Absolutely.

It Does?

Sure.

Just Take The College Boards

And Get Accepted To Bennington
As A Chemistry Major.

If I Don't Get Accepted
At Bennington

I'll Take Cents
On The Dollar.

Theo, I'm Going To
Tell You What...

If I Were You

I Would Leave This Room
While I Was Ahead And Alive.

Can I At Least Borrow $ .

For Some Pizza?