02x17 - The Return Of The Doo-Wop Girls

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


Girls, will you just look at this? Your father's really gonna love this surprise party."],…}


We got him presents.


We got all the family coming over.


Honey, I don't know what else I could do


Unless I just strip naked and pop out of the cake.


Yeah, great, nell. Why don't you do that?


Sweetheart, we want this party to warm his heart,


Not stop it.


[ Doorbell rings ]


I got it.


Don't touch that cake.


Hi, katie.


Sam hi, uncle ed.


Hi. Where you been?


I got hung up over at the mortuary.


I ran out of embalming fluid,


And I had to siphon a little antifreeze out of the hearse.


You know, I've got to stop riding in eddie's hearse.


People look at me and start taking their hats off.


Ah, there's nothing like the smell of a fresh flower


To liven up a party, nell.


Have a sniff.


You know, when they passed out brains, ed got falsies.


Well, I guess I'd better load up for carl.


[ Car door closes ]


You guys, be quiet. That's probably dad.


Come on. Go!


Samantha, cut the lights. Everybody, hide.


Come on, julie. Julie!


[ Doorbell rings ]


Maybe he forget his keys. Sam, open the door.


Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!


Happy birthday, carl.


Well, I guess we must have caught you working undercover.


That's a wonderful disguise you got on, son.


Great makeup. Good wig.


Grandpa kanisky, you recognize me.


Grandpa, it's aunt blanche.


Oh, of course, aunt blanche.


Who the hell is aunt blanche?


Grandpa, you remember -- it's mom's sister.


Oh, yeah, the rich one


Who always looks like she's smelling something bad.


Um, aunt blanche,


Did you come up for dad's surprise party?


No, actually, sugar, I came up to see you girls --


Been a long time, you know.


Want to be sure my nieces are growing up okay.


We are, thanks to nell.


I'm sure she tries.


Hello, blanche.


She takes great care of us.


Must do it between snacks.


Hey, I remember you --


Carl's wedding. [ Laughs ]


You're the one that sat on the frozen ice cream.


And I remember you, ed.


You're the one who put it on my chair.


Yeah.


That's him. It's dad.


All right, everybody, hide.


Where do I go?


Oh, just put a bag over your head.


Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!


Happy birthday!


Hey, pop, eddie.


Hey!


Look at that cake, yeah, and the presents.


Oh, boy. I'm speechless.


Good. Quit while you're ahead.


But guess what, carl -- especially for your birthday,


Margaret's sister blanche


Came all the way up from san diego for a visit.


Eddie, a joke is a joke, but that's not funny.


That's all I need on my birthday


Is a surprise visit from the wicked witch of the west.


Well, carl...


Guess whose broom just touched down.


Blanche...


It's good to see you.


Thank you. It's good to see you, too.


Yeah, thank you.


That's about as high as I can pile it.



You haven't changed much, have you, blanche?


No, you haven't, either,


Unless you count going gray, bald, and a little paunchy.


What are you doing here, anyway?


Oh, frankly, I missed the girls, and I thought this would be


A nice time to sort of drop in and have a look at them.


Well, there's only one look to a customer, blanche.


I hope you have a nice trip home.


I'm not going anywhere.


I thought this might be a good time


To come get to know my nieces better.


So why don't you send nell down to get my luggage?


[ Southern accent ] oh, miss blanche,


I would just love to tote your barge and lift your bale.


Surprised you can lift your own bale.


Maybe you girls could go out and get my bags, huh?


Uh, sure. Which car is it?


It's the one parked behind the hearse


That has a bumper sticker that says, "we stop for stiffs."


[ Normal voice ] hurry back so you can have some cake.


All right, everybody, belly up


For a toast to the birthday boy.


I'll start with one


That used to go over real big in poland.


[ Speaking polish ]


What in the heck?


That means, "may see-through blouses come in style again."


That's disgusting.


Oh, no, disgusting is, "I wish cows could fly,


So they could drop a splatznik on your head."


Come on, girls.


You're just in time to sing "happy birthday."


You ready?


♪ Happy birthday to you


♪ Happy birthday to you


♪ Happy birthday, dear dad ♪


♪ Happy birthday to you


Dad, I hope your wish comes true.


It didn't.


There you are.


Oh, that's a little large for carl, don't you think?


Not as large as your mouth, blanche.


Blanche, what harm can a little piece of cake do?


You people are raising my nieces.


I want to make sure


You're teaching them proper eating habits.


We already have porky and petunia.


We don't need the three little pigs.


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'll get it.


I wonder who that could be.


It's my gift.


Is chief kanisky here?


Yeah, I'm chief kanisky. What can I do for you?


I have a present for you from your brother ed.


Well, where is it?


Right where it ought to be.


[ Ululating ]


[ Exotic music plays ]


Her top doesn't know what her bottom's doing.


Hey, pop, you think she'll make you a milk shake?


Whoo-hoo!


Whoo!


Well, I never!


Of course not, dear. You don't have the equipment.


That's quite a sandwich you got there, chief.


I couldn't eat before.


Blanche makes me feel guilty


Eating anything in front of the kids.


That blanche.


You know, I know she don't like me --


It's 'cause she's jealous of my body.


But tell me, what is it she has against you?


Why is she so down on you?


Blanche never liked me or my family.


She always thought that margaret married beneath her.


Oh, that's crazy.


You know what?


When margaret and I got married, blanche wore a black armband.


It's a little dry.


Stay here. I'll get you some milk so you can wash it down.


Thank you. Mm-hmm.


[ Choking ]


Chief, please, it's a little late to be playing charades.


Here you go.


Okay, if you want to play, let's play.


All right.


All right. It's a movie, okay.


Uh. I can't think.


Uh, "e.t."


Chief! Wait! Wait a minute! I know what to do!


Please just wait! Chief!


Chief, please, just hang in there.


Just --


Wow, hope it comes out soon.


What in the world is going on?!


I was choking, blanche.


If I believe that, I'd believe pigs could fly.


Wait a minute. I'll open a window for you.


What's going on?



Shh! Shh! Nothing.


Your father was just choking on some food, and I got it out.


Girls, get back upstairs.


You do not have to watch any more of this filth!


What did you just say?


In case you haven't noticed, there are ladies present,


And they do not have to watch their father


Playing grope-and-tickle in the kitchen.


Aunt blanche, can't you see that dad was in trouble?


Nell probably saved his life.


Darling, you are so naive.


She's not naive.


Believe me, she knows hanky-panky when she sees it.


Oh, she does, does she?


I suppose that's your doing, too?


Stop it, aunt blanche.


Leave nell alone. Oh, honey, that's all right.


It is not all right!


I am not going to stand by


And watch your father conduct his orgies


In front of my dead sister's children.


All right, now, blanche, that's enough!


Now, nell loves these kids just as much as I do,


And if anything were to happen to me,


There's only one person in the world


I'd want to take care of them, and that's nell.


She'll never get these girls,


Because I'm going to sue you.


What for?


For custody of my flesh and blood.


Yeah, I don't believe this.


Blanche is claiming I'm an unfit father.


Chief, there is nothing unfit about you --


Well, maybe your clothes.


But don't you get it?


She's trying to get my girls away from me.


Chief, they're gonna laugh this case right out of court.


Yeah, maybe you're right.


Who would believe that I'm messing around with you?


Right.


Who'd believe you'd get to heaven before you die?


[ Doorbell rings ]


Now, who can that be?


That must be garrison, the lawyer I asked to come over.


Chief, I told you, we don't need a lawyer.


Nell, please, let's not argue right now.


He charges bucks an hour.


[ Doorbell rings ]


That's about bucks each time he pushes the doorbell.


Stop!


[ Doorbell rings ]


Stop!


Get in here, and don't touch that thing!


Thanks for coming over, don. I know how busy you are.


Sit down. Thank you.


Nell, this guy is the best.


That's right.


My motto is "I'll get you off


If it takes me the rest of your life."


Okay, why don't we look at the complaint?


Well, tell me, what do you think? Does she have a case?


She can take the girls away from us?


[ Laughs ]


What's so funny?


Well, I'm not sure yet.


I just got to the part


Where you were smearing mayonnaise all over one another.


When did the alleged obscene behavior take place?


There was no obscene behavior.


This is ridiculous.


Who is going to believe that...


Oh, please.


I mean, no judge in his right mind


Is going to take three well-adjusted kids


Away from their father.


You're wrong.


In california, the law says the overriding consideration


Is the welfare of the children,


Regardless of who the natural parents are.


If that judge believes any part


Of what your sister-in-law is claiming,


You'll never see those kids again.


Now, mrs. Ross, would you please tell the court


What you saw late on the night of the th?


Now, as I recall, you happened to be going down the stairs


To watch "sermonette,"


As I understand you do each night.


Well, i-i saw this woman


With her arms around that man,


And they were locked in a passionate embrace.


Your honor, the man was gagging.


I certainly can't blame him.


Oh, shizatsky.


What did you say?


Gesundheit, grandpa.


He's got an allergy.


Yeah, I'm allergic to old prune faces


Who lie through their teeth.


One more outburst like that,


And I'll have you removed from this court.



Is that understood?


Yes, it is, your honor.


Ow!


Boy, your gums are sharp.


Thank you, mrs. Ross. You may step down.


Your honor, plaintiff would like to recall


Carl kanisky to the stand.


Sir, may I remind you you are still under oath?


"Stupid oaf"?


Carl, you don't have to take that kind of gaff


From a man in a dress!


[ Gavel pounds ]


Now, mr. Kanisky, could I ask you to explain


To the court again what exactly it is you do for a living.


I'm the chief of police of glenlawn.


I'll bet you work a lot of long hours.


Yes, sir.


Away from home.


Yes, sir.


In fact, I'll bet you're not home


Very much at all, are you, chief?


Some guys may spend more time with their kids than I do,


But the time that I spend with them is quality time.


Okay, now that we've established


That you spend almost no time together...


What do you do when you are with your children?


Constructive things --


Fun things, but things that teach them about life --


Bowling, fishing.


Last week, samantha and I there went to a demolition derby.


Did you have a good time?


Well, not exactly.


There weren't any good car wrecks.


He's right, carl. You are a stupid oaf.


Thank you, chief kanisky. You may step down.


You've been very helpful...


For an absentee father.


Perhaps now we should turn our attention to the person


Who has had the most profound influence


On the lives of the kanisky children.


Your honor, I should like to call to the stand


Miss nell harper.


All right, wimp, I've been waiting for this.


How are you today, miss harper?


Refined, intelligent,


And pure as the driven snow.


Let me ask you something, miss harper.


Is "nell harper" your real name?


Of course it is. Now, what kind of question is that?


Well, it's not unusual for, uh, aliases to be used


By people with criminal records.


I don't have a criminal record.


Uh, you're under oath, miss harper.


I wouldn't want you to commit perjury.


The record shows a conviction


For indecent exposure.


This is getting interesting. Speak up.


Shh.


This is crazy.


Well, actually, the particular violation listed is...


Mooning.


Oh, hey, that's nothing.


Oh.


I imagine it's quite something.


Your honor, listen, see,


I accidentally sat on this waffle iron,


So then I had to raise the window to cool off,


And that's the truth.


That's not indecent exposure --


That's as*ault with a deadly w*apon.


I'm going to as*ault you with my foot.


I've taken all I'm gonna take from you!


I object! Overruled!


You are nothing but a cheap tramp


Who ran away from home when she was just a kid.


And you have the nerve to think


You're gonna bring up my nieces, my flesh and blood.


No one can take better care of those girls than I do.


I don't care if it costs every dime I've got.


I'm gonna take those girls away from you,


You cheap, uneducated -- you -- you --


Say it.


What?


Say it.


Say what?


"You black woman."


That's not it. Oh, yes, it is.


That's the bottom line.


You don't want your nieces


Being brought up by some black woman.


That's not it at all!


They're my sister's children, and I have to protect them!


When your sister, their mother,


Was on her deathbed,


I was there --


Not you, but this black woman.


And she asked me to make a promise


That I would see to those girls growing up okay.


I made that promise,


And not you, that judge, or anybody else in this court



Is gonna make me go back on that promise!


Well, I'm gonna stop you right here and right now!


Blanche, their mother is dead.


Now, haven't they suffered enough?


Do you really want to take their father away, too?


You want to rip their hearts out?


What do you expect me to do --


Just turn my back on my sister's kids?


They're all that's left of her,


And i-i am not going to leave them to someone like you!


You have been coming down on me


And beating me in the ground ever since I've known you.


I want to tell you something.


And I swear before god this is the truth.


If I thought...


It would stop one moment's pain for those little girls,


I would drop the lawsuit -- I would.


I'll even go further than that.


If I thought it would help them,


I would get on my knees and kiss your lily-white feet.


Your honor, please, make it -- make it stop.


Make it stop.


Mrs. Ross, do you --


Do you want to drop this suit?


Case dismissed.


Mr. Daniels, will you drive me home, please?


I'm sorry.


I only wanted to help.


I really just wanted the girls to be happy.


Nell.


Oh, you girls, come he re.


Nell, you were terrific.


Great work, nell. Great work.


Thank you, papa.


And now I'm going to talk to the judge.


About what?


I'm putting in for custody of the belly dancer.