Love in Kilnerry (2019)

[bunniefuu]

(soft music)

(lively music)

(radio chatter)

(lively music)

(radio chatter)

(lively music)

- Mr. Mayor, are you here?

Jerry, you're not dead are you?

- I'm not dead.

I'm just grabbing a few bottles.

You're lucky Gary, you got one
job people rely on you for.

No one appreciates what I go through

every time we have a
town hall meeting here,

everyone cramming in and
nobody buying anything.

- Well, maybe it's time
to build a new town hall.

- Ah, with what money?

- Any luck with getting the
cable companies in this town?

- You're lucky I got us internet.

- Yeah, but it's like dial up.

It's too damn slow.

- Why are you here?

- I wanted to see if maybe

we could have tonight's town
hall meeting at the church.

- Why the hell would we do that?

It's clear on the other side of town.

- It's right there.

It's like two blocks away.

- We have been having the town
hall meetings here for years.

- You're gonna get Rakesh
Nibhanupudi to open the bar.

- Who the hell is Rakesh?

- It's the guy from the
Environmental Protection Agency.

- The EPA?

- Jesus, Jerry,

he's coming to talk to the town tonight.

- What are you talking about?

- It has something to do with Muellers.

- There is nothing wrong
with our chemical plant.

Well, we make one of a,

a hundred compounds used in dog shampoo.

(chuckling)

- Would you call Father O'Dell?

- Why the hell would I do that?

- To have the meeting at the church.

Jerry it's the federal government.

- Christ.

You do it.

I'm not asking that man for any favors.

- [Gary] Just pick up
the phone and call him.

- No.

- [Gary] You're the mayor of this town.

So you should call--

- [Jerry] I know who I am.

- [Gary] Then call Father O'Dell.

- [Jerry] No.

- One of these days,

you're gonna have to tell
me what this rival's about.

Father, it's Gary O'Reilly.

I'm over at the pub with the mayor

and we think it might be a good idea

if the meeting in tonight
was at the church.

I know it's a little last minute.

Hold on.

- What, no.

No.

Hello father.

This is the mayor speaking.

The town needs a,

but I am the mayor.

I didn't just call you Wesley, Wesley.

- Jerry.

- The town would be much obliged.

Yeah, fine.

I would be much obliged

if we could use the church this evening

for the town hall meeting.

Uh huh.

(chuckling)

You spineless son.

Yeah, oh yeah, you wanna do that to me?

Oh no.

Well, I'll tell you what,

why don't you meet me at
the school gym tomorrow

and we'll settle this just like men.

I'll knock you to the
ground, you Nancy boy.

Booyah!

- Hello father.

Goddammit.

Did you just start a fight with a priest

- It's a long time coming, Gary.

You must not worry.

It's a primal ritual of,

of men battling mono-a-mono
until somebody dies.

- No one is gonna die tomorrow.

- In the ring, anything can happen, Gary

- I gotta let everyone know
about the changes tonight.

I'll see you later, okay.

- You should have come to
me sooner with that news.

(soft music)

- Hey, we need to shut down pump two

and crank up three and four.

- You want me to bleed
the valves from two?

- Hey sheriff.

No, not yet.

- Hey Gary.

- What can I do you for?

- Town's meetings been
moved to the church tonight.

What's going on?

- The Environmental Protection Agency

is running us through the mill

about getting these
new protocols in place.

They didn't waste any time.

- Don't they need the
town's approval for that?

- They showed me federal papers.

We didn't have a choice.

Everything went online yesterday.

- I'm sure it'll be fine.

- I'll let everyone know.

- I'll see you tonight.

(soft music)

- Introduce me.

- No.

- Introduce me.

- [Father O'Dell] No.

- [Jerry] You have to introduce me.

- Introduce yourself.

- Introduce me.
- No.

- Dammit, O'Dell introduce me.

- We know who you are, Jerry.

Stand up there.

- All right, hello.

Hello.

Welcome.

Welcome to the quarterly
Kilnerry town hall meeting.

Oh, it's good to see you all.

It's been a long winter,

but spring is here.

Oh, we've got graduation coming up.

Some of our young folks will
be heading off to college soon.

(chuckling)

Oh, and for those of
you who haven't heard,

the Kilnerry Gazette has closed down.

Well, now, as I've been
telling folks for a while now,

we were expecting a representative

from the federal government
to speak to us this evening.

Well, now I've been working
very closely with them,

but why don't I let you meet him yoursel

Let's let's give a big hand for

Mr. Rakesh

Najaputi.

(audience applauds)

- Thanks.

That was close.

Please rise.

Okay, I was just kidding you guys,

you, you can all sit down.

I just always wanted to say that, so.

(chuckling)

Does he need help?

So

hi,

I am from the Environmental
Protection Agency,

which is a part of the federal governmen

I don't use usually talk to audiences

about these kinds of things.

I don't actually talk to
audiences at all, really.

We've just been short
staffed where I work.

So they, they just sent me,

but I'm actually just a chemist.

And

so hi.

Okay, as you may or may not know,

there has been a to international pressu

on our country to reduce
our environmental footprint.

The chemical plant that
is here in Kilnerry

is the only plant in the state

that produces a chemical compound

called propylene glycol,

which is used in dog shampoos.

However, the process the plant utilizes

to make that compound

also results in the creation
of some dangerous byproducts,

like sulfuric acids and alkaline,

which can run off into the waters.

And for a large fishing
community like yours,

the buildup of--

- 25% Of the state's catch.

- Okay, cool.

So for a large fishing
community like yours,

the buildup of those dangerous byproduct

can be devastating for
the local Marine life.

It may already have had
devastating effects.

You guys could be distributing
toxic fish to the country.

And we would know

that it came from you guys,

came from here because of
the chemical plant here.

So my agency came up with a
solution to fix the problem.

We found out that if we switch off

one of the chemicals
utilized by your plant

for a new chemical,

things could be solved.

And that new chemical is called P172.

- Your hearing aid is feeding back.

- What?

- I said, your hearing
aid is feeding back.

- I, I can't hear a
damn thing she's saying.

- So basically, Kilnerry,

you guys, this town has been chosen

to be the flagship town to,

to test out this new
process, this new chemical.

But before we implement it
at the other propylene glycol

chemical plants across the country.

- The flagship town.

Well, that's quite an honor!

- Hey, hearing aid!

- Take it out, I'll tell you later.

- Please go on Mister, (muttering).

- Yeah.

However,

there is one slight side
effect associated with P172

we just recently discovered.

But aside from that,

the whole process should be seamless.

- What side effect?

- Uh huh.

- You said there'd be
one slight side effect.

What, what's the side effect?

- Yes there is.

And you know what?

I think you're gonna find it kind of fun

because when I heard about it,

I thought it was hilarious.

It's act, it's actually not that funny.

We discovered that when laboratory rats

are exposed to P172,

they experience a dramatic
increase in their (mumbles).

- What?

Speak up.

- There is a dramatic
increase in sexual libido.

- Oh is that, is that a dance?

- What?

- Will we be able to control ourselves?

What if we don't want an
increase in our sexual,

whatever you call it?

- Libido.

- Would, speak up!.

Is that a dance?

- Your sex drive.

- Oh.

- I don't drive.

- Kilnerry would be
like Sodom and Gomorrah

and there's nothing we can do about it.

- Oh, now you must be
outta your damn mind.

I mean, look at us.

I mean, most of us in
this town are elderly,

I haven't had an, an
erection for 20 years.

Something like this would k*ll me.

- All right, let's not panic.

- Wait.

Do we not get a say in this?

- They started making us
use that P172 yesterday.

- What?

Why didn't you tell us
before you went to our plant

and poisoned us with
your dirty sex fluids?

- Cause they knew that we
would try and stop them.

- Listen everyone,

my agency doesn't have the power

to even enforce any of this.

My agency has hardly any
power at all these days.

And I was, I was, I was
forced to come here and,

and to try to sell you
guys on this whole thing.

I was told it was for the greater good.

- Greater good?

What about our greater good?

- Hey, is this gonna
affect the animals too?

Cause when I was a little boy,

a great dane tried to get
physically intimate with me

against my will.

Ha ha yeah, yeah.

Laugh it up, Cooper.

- You two cut it out.

- Hey, hey, does this thing
affect just heterosexuals

or does it cause gayness too?

- Gayness?

- Yeah.

Yeah, ain't no gays in this town, buddy.

And we like to keep it that way.

Am I right?

- I'm okay with the gays.

- Who said that?

Gross.

- I know that this must all

be really hard for some of you to--

- No, no, no you don't.

They probably had a good
laugh at all us elderly folks

out here in the country,

losing our inhibitions,

gyrating around town,

rubbing up against one another.

- Oh.

- And you,

you knew about this for weeks, did you.

And you helped them!

- I have never seen this man in my life.

This is the first I've
heard anything of this.

- Liar.

You just said--

- Shut it, Wesley.

- We'll get the media involved.

- Let's not think about that right now.

- When I was a young man,

you put me in a room with anything,

anything.

And I'd hump it.

Yeah.

- Dad, come on.

Mr. Nibhanupudi,

you said that it took decades

for there to be a buildup
of this alkaline stuff.

Wouldn't it be safe to say

that it would take just as long

for this P172 chemical as well,

and by then you should have
a solution for it, right?

- No, the rats were actually affected

by the P172 almost immediately.

(audience gasping)

It was impressive, really.

There was this one rat that
just started fornicating

with this other rat until it died.

(gasping)

It just kept going and going.

Just fornicating even post death.

Just, it was an angry, it was hateful.

It was angry, hateful animal--

- Thank you, Mr. Nibhanupudi.

Well.

- This is awesome.

- This is not awesome.

Rat r*pe?

- Well, if there's nothing
else, why don't we adjourn

tonight's meeting.

Oh, well we,

we sure could all use a good
stiff drink right about now.

Why don't we all head over to the pub?

I've got drink specials until 10 o'clock

Yeah.

We're all gonna

head over to the pub.

Yeah.

- Listen up.

You have my word, I'm
gonna look into this.

- Since the Gazette is gone,

I'll keep everybody informed.

- Mr. Kerry, I've looked
after this town for 15 years.

I'll keep this town informed.

- You don't get the gossip like I do.

- Thanks sheriff.

- Dad, come on, I'll drive you to the pu

- Aednat's still passed out, you idiot.

- Oh Jesus.

Watch out, watch out.

Aednat, sweetie.

- Ah.

- Come on.

- Ah.

They're trying to pork me.

- [Gary] No, no porking.

- Don't let them pork me.

- Stop saying pork.

She's fine.

Yeah.

It's okay.

Hey, hey, hey.

It's me.

It's okay, let me drive you home.

Come on.

Come on dad.

It's okay.

Father, you coming?

- I'll be along shortly.

I need to clean up

and have a moment of
reflection with the Lord.

(soft music)

- Let's go.

- You're late.

- You got somewhere to be?

- We only got the gym a half an hour.

I want to get this over with.

- Oh, well then Wesley,

I've been looking forward
to this for a long time.

Yeah.

Oh, oh yeah.

Oh, huh.

Oh I can do that too.

How's that, huh?

Huh?

- You want some of this?
- What's that?

Oh yeah.

Well I got, I got some
of that thunder too, huh.

- Are you guys serious right now?

(upbeat music)

- Not too bad, am I?

- You hit me in the ear!

- No.

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- Oh, he hit me in tit.

- All right, all right, all right.

- Oh.

♪ Shining on through the night ♪

(grunting)
(groaning)

- Get back here.

Get back here.

♪ Same as every ♪

♪ But you shine ♪

♪ Brighter than the moon ♪

- You're on your own.

♪ Ocean ♪

♪ It was super sounding
make fun of ocean ♪

♪ I've got ♪

(jerry mumbles)

♪ Having you to love ♪

♪ Is all I ever need ♪

♪ You make me fee so good ♪

♪ I cannot believe ♪

♪ That you are mine ♪

(screams)

♪ For the rest of our lives ♪

(yelling)

- Stop.

Stop.

Stop!

Hey, go, go, go.

Go.

(screaming)

♪ Shines on everyone ♪

- [Kids] Fight, fight!

Fight, fight!

Fight!

(yelling)

♪ Unless you decide ♪

- Who do we grab?

- You wanna go to hell?

Choose the lord.

- Unhand me!

(yelling)

Bless you, my son.

♪ I've got ♪

♪ With me ♪

♪ Just having you to love ♪

♪ Is all I ever need ♪

- We were the first ones to try the P172

but don't you believe it?

They tried this in a town in Wyoming.

They came back a few months later.

There were bodies strew
all over the place.

Well Dorene Tanley will be the first one

to keel over in our town from over sexin

I'm always over sexing.

I just can't find a
man to keep up with me.

- Ms. Kerry.

- Oh, I have to go Marina.

I'll call you back later.

Bye.

What are you all cleaned up today for?

- I've cleaned up before.

Don't mean nothing.

- Hey Mr. O'Reilly.

- Oh, hi, Stevie.

What are you doing here?

- Stevie's helping me unload my car.

I had to get up at four this morning.

Drive all the way into
the city to get supplies,

drive all the way back.

I don't know what I'm gonna
do when Stevie leaves town.

- Well, Mr. O'Reilly can help you out.

- I'm an old man, Stevie.

This may not mean much to you,

but if I do a handstand,

I can tee bag myself.

- All right.

Young Stevie does not need to be

hearing about your saggy bits.

You know, he has a point though.

You must walk, what,

10 to 15 miles a day.

- 12.3 miles.

Yeah.

I used to be pretty fit.

- Hmm?

Football?

- Dancer.

- Dancer?
- Yeah.

(laughs)

- I just, I don't believe it.

- I was a very good dancer.

I won the county finals in 1978.

Well,

after Dora died, I,

I didn't feel much like dancing anymore.

- Have you been to Aednat's yet today?

- Digging for gossip again, huh?

- I don't gossip, Fergal.

I just happen to know things

and people just happen to be interested

in the things I know.

Come on, tell me.

- I dropped by early to

deliver her mail,

but she barricaded herself inside.

Reciting the Lord's prayer.

I think she thinks
perverts are attacking her.

- She thinks pretty much of herself.

- Yeah.

Duty calls.

- Always such a gray skies.

No wonder this town is so sour.

- You know, my science teacher says

since we don't get enough sunlight,

we don't get enough UV rays.

- Really?

- They increase vitamin D and serotonin,

which actually helps with depression.

In some places like Alaska and Iceland,

they use tanning beds to make up for it.

- Very interesting.

- You know, if you actually
had a tanning bed set up here,

you'd make a lot of money.

- Okay, we'll take care of it.

Hey sheriff,

Judy Davenport just called.

Somebody stole the gnomes
out of her front yard.

- I'm sure it's just a couple of kids.

- I don't know, she seemed upset to me.

- Okay.

I'll go talk to her.

(soft music)

- Hi.
- Hello.

(soft music)

- Jerry?

(groaning)

Jerry?

(soft music)

- [Jerry] Oh yeah,

you dirty little--

- Jerry, are you in there?
- Holy Christ!

I'll be right out.

- Okay.

(soft music)

- [Jerry] Nessa.

- Who were you on the phone with?

- No one, no one.

what are you doing here?

- You know, just sitting over in my shop

Just

sitting.

No one's buying anything.

Everyone's shopping online.

I don't know how much
longer I can stay open.

- I'm sure it can't be that bad.

- Jerry, this town is dying.

- This town is not dying.

- Well, businesses are closing
and no one's having babies.

- Well, most of the people in this town

are too all to be having babies.

- And Brigid told me

Mary Hughes died last night.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

- I know.

And there's gonna be a wake.

- We can order a bouquet with,

with the pride of Kilnerry.

- That's nice.

And all the kids are leaving.

So there's that.

- I see.

Stevie's leaving soon for college.

- Yeah.

Maybe I can move in with him.

You know, go where he goes.

- Nessa.

Kilnerry's been around a long time.

It's quiet here,

just the way we like it.

No one even locks their doors.

You wanna go off to the big city

with crime and concrete

and pollution and tight jeans.

Who wears their jeans so tight

with their private parts

pressed up against the front of you?

It's like an advertisement
for disappointment.

- What?

- No, now we are going to stay in Kilner

where we belong.

Now,

excuse me, I,

I need to finish cleaning the bathroom.

- Oh, okay.

- Okay.

Huh, oh, oh now.

Okay.

Hello?

Are you still there?

Well, listen, I'll,

I'll call back another time.

Great.

You, you were terrific.

Thank you.

Great.

That only cost me 9.99 a minute.

- [Rory] Hey Sheriff.

- What's up, Roy?

- [Rory] Nothing.

Where are you?

- I'm out at Deerman Road.

- [Rory] What are you doing
all the way out there?

- Rory, hold on for a second.

- [Rory] Sheriff, I'm really lonely.

- [Woman] I'm out here.

- [Man] I'm getting it.

- [Woman] Yeah.

- [Man] Am I getting it?

- [Woman] You are.

- Hey, stop!

(soft music)

- James, I'm sorry for your loss.

Your aunt was a wonderful woman.

- I guess.

(group chatter)

- Who ordered the flower arrangement?

- Oh yeah, that was the mayor.

Figured he'd do something nice.

I guess.

- What in the hell?

Goddammit!

Sorry for your loss, James.

- I can do this, I can
do this, I can do this.

I can't do it, nope.

I can't do it.

- That girl is not all there.

- Need I remind you
what she's been through.

- No, of course not.

- Her father was a good man.

Her mother was a saint.

- Maybe she needs a good husband.

James.

- No, she's crazy.

- After her parents died,

she spent all her time
taking care of Stevie.

I guess she never found time to date.

- What about Gary?

- He likes her, sure.

But good luck trying
to make that boy date.

- How long did you know Mary?

- 19 Years,

seven months,

three days.

- To Mary!

- [Woman] Sorry.

- You are a Muppet.

- A Muppet?

Admit it, Wesley,

it's true what they say about
priests and little boys.

(laughs)

- Spawn of Satan!

(yelling)

- Jerry!

Jerry.

Oh, Jerry.

- Jesus, Jerry, you okay?

- He probably had a stroke.

- A stroke?

What the hell's wrong with you guys?

- He knows.

- Keep your voice down.

- It's because of him.

- Gary, hi, Gary.

- Nessa.

- Gary.

- Sheriff O'Reilly.

Any hardened criminals today?

- I had to arrest Peter and Lisa Donahue

- What?

What for?

- Public lewdness.

I caught him fornicating behind
a building on Deerman Road.

- There's nothing out on Deerman Road.

- So what happened to Peter and Lisa?

- I tried to stop them,

but they just kept going.

Peter had this worried look on his face.

- So, what did you do?

Stand there and watch
'em until they finished.

- No.

I thought someone might see them.

So I tried to hide them,

but then I just realized
I was being an accessory.

- An accessory at a public lewdness?

- That's not a thing.

- Maybe they, they held Peter's hips

and help them go in and out.

- Oh, you know,

being a sexual voyeur is a
pretty common thing these days.

If that's your thing Gary, embrace it.

- I am not a sexual voyeur.

- [Fergal] That'd explain a lot.

- Dad.

- I still love you, son.

- Dammit, I'm not a voyeur.

- The man who watches us all.

To Gary!

- [Group] To Gary!

- Oh, poor Mary.

She was always such a sweetheart.

- She's outta the house.

Aednat, it's good to see you.

- I convinced Aednat that
nobody was going to attack her.

And that this whole P172 thing

was blown way out of proportion

and that she should come and
pay her respects to Mary.

- You looked so nice.

- Once I convinced her to come here,

then I talked to taking
dance lessons with me.

- Oh really?

- We're gonna go to the next county

where they have a dance studio

and we're going to learn the tango.

- That would be lovely.

- The Tango's a little risque, isn't it?

- Gary, we're fine.

- Gary arrested the Donahues today.

- What?
- Fergal, shut up.

- What for?

- Aednat doesn't need to hear this.

- Yes she does.

- Gary.

- Okay, they were having
sex behind the building

on Deerman Road.

- What were you doing on Deerman Road?

- They couldn't control themselves.

He tried to stop them,

but they were still going.

- I knew it.

It's that P172, Brigid.

Take me home.

I, I can't stay.

They'll g*ng bang me.

I'm gonna burn in hell, Father.

- You're not gonna burn in hell, Aednat.

Just calm down.

(sobbing)

- Aednat.

Aednat.

- I didn't have a choice.

I tried everything.

They wouldn't stop.

- [Aednat] Oh.

- Maybe it is in the water.

- What did you do to Lisa and Peter?

- [Gary] I pepper sprayed them.

- [Aednat] Oh.

- [Gary] They were screaming
and flailing around.

They were blind and so they tried to run

I thought they might hurt
themselves, so I tackled them.

- Oh.

Well what did they say?

- They said, ah!

(yelling)

- Excuse me, princess.

- Princess!

(yelling)

- Oh, that P172!

(sobbing)

- Don't worry, it's okay.

You're okay.

- Seems like things are really

starting to a kick up around here.

- I can't imagine how bad
Peter and Lisa must feel.

- Gary, you should let them out.

- They were fornicating in public.

There's schools in this town.

- He's right.

- Just imagine what it's
like to be young and in love

up against a wall,

lost in a moment of carnal lost.

- Gary, I want you to go down
to the jail and let them out.

- What?

That's not gonna happen.

- Son.

You only got one jail cell.

They're probably down there having sex

in the jail right now.

- No.

(lively music)

(siren blaring)

(lively music)

- Hey Sheriff,

I let them out already.

- What?

- Your dad called.

So.

- Go home Rory.

(soft music)

- How is it you're single, Brigid?

You're funny.

You're gorgeous.

You're confident.

You're everything a man could want.

- Nobody's ever called me those before.

I don't know.

I guess I just haven't
met the right man yet.

How about you?

- Oh, I, I've got plenty of options.

I'm just extremely picky.

- Of course.

I was married once.

Miserable son of a b*tch liked to drink,

gambled all my money away.

The real straw that broke the camel's ba

was when he slept with a
woman nicknamed the goat.

- Charming.

- [Brigid] Didn't even divorce him.

- Well, my wife cheated on me too.

- Sorry.

- Yeah, she met a group of musicians

playing in the town fair.

She slept with every member of that band

She left town about five years ago.

- What was the band called?

- Lost children.

She had me film them in their
little vagabond outfits.

Horrible name,

horrible band.

Eh, good riddance.

I never filed for a divorce either.

- It's nice to talk to
someone who understands.

Any girl in this town
would be lucky to have you.

(soft music)

- I have had my eye on
somebody else quite a while.

- Mayor Boylan.

Now you don't know what
you're getting yourself into.

- Call me Jerry.

- Jerry.

Just shut up and take me.

- Don't expect anything fancy.

- Yeah.

Just tear away the cobwebs and hit this.

- Oh.
- Jerry!

- Oh, call me Mr. Mayor.

- Oh, Mr. Mayor,

be rough with me.

- Oh.

(lively music)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

What, they're stolen again?

Hold on for a second.

(lively music)

- That'll do.

- Where's he going?

He doesn't have any traps.

- He don't fish.

- [Peter] Why's he got a boat?

- Every night he gets out past the break

where he thinks nobody can see him

and he dances.

- Is he any good?

- sh*t no.

But every time he does that,

crazy light housekeeper watches him.

Finish 'em up now.

- What am I doing?

I'm a married man.

(soft music)

You're gonna make me
go see him, aren't you.

You don't play fair either.

(soft music)

- Bless me, father for I have sinned.

It has been two years
since my last confession.

- What troubles you, my child?

- I may have committed adultery.

- What do you mean, you don't know?

- No.

- How could you not know?

- I don't know where he is.

- Does he know where he is?

- Why wouldn't he know where he is?

- Is that why you committed
adultery to draw him out?

- Well he's not hiding in the bushes.

- Where is he hiding?

- I dunno that he is.

- Then why would you commit adultery?

- I don't know that I did.

(knocking on door)

- One second.

- Forgive me, father
for I might have sinned.

- I'm sorry, that booth
was meant to be locked.

I'm with some at the moment.

- In there?

- No, in the other booth,

can you come around the
other side and wait.

- Father, please, this is important.

- Okay, okay.

How long since your last confession?

- Yeah, a long time.

- I see, what is it?

- Yeah, I think I'm,

I might have committed a adultery.

- You don't know either?

- What do you mean either?

- Hold on.

Please continue.

- Well, when I left my husband,

I packed up everything we owned

and I grabbed whatever money
I could and I moved here.

- So you've committed theft as well.

- Well,

I never really thought
about it that way before.

- Why did you leave your husband?

- He was a drunk,

a gambler and he slept with the goat.

- I need a minute.

Did you leave your wife
before you commit adultery?

- Yes.

Is that better for me?

- It depends, why'd you leave her?

- She was having sex with lost children.

- Did you participate in
these disgusting acts?

- No!

I mean, no.

All I did was photograph
them in their little outfits.

I wasn't around for the sex.

- [Father O'Dell] You did what?

- They had a fog machine and a light sho

It was rather impressive.

- You stay right there.

- Are you still there, my child?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- The church has gotten
very relaxed over the years.

I don't think it's as big
a deal as you might think.

- Oh well that's great.

- It's not you.

You and your wife are
definitely going to hell.

- Ex-wife

and all I did was make the
introductions and film them.

I'm innocent.

- On your way out,

splash some holy water on your face.

If you don't burst into flames,

do a thousand to hail Mary's.

- And a thousand hail?

- As I was saying,

you can't be held accountable

for your husband's transgressions.

- Amen.

Hail Mary full of grace.

The lord is with the.

Blessed art thou amongst women

blessed is the fruit of
thy womb, Jesus, Holy Mary.

- If he was a threat to himself and you,

it only makes sense that you would flee

in search of a more wholesome life.

While fornicating out of wedlock

is frowned upon by the church,

it's hardly anything

that would have an eternal
effect on your soul.

- Thank God.

- Can I confess something to you?

- Sure.

- Lately I've been struggling
with something in my own life

and whether it would be
acceptable with the modern church

and its relaxed views on social norms.

- I'm all ears, father.

- When Adam and Eve were
originally put on earth by God,

they were put here in the nude.

Clothed and unclothed
meant nothing to them.

It wasn't until Eve
ate the forbidden fruit

that sin was created.

In an attempt to cover
their spiritual shame,

they covered their bodies.

As God's children,

we live with a great deal of shame

and cover who we really are.

Can you imagine if we
could shed that shame

to be closer to God?

- I'm afraid I'm not quite
following your father.

- Don't worry about it.

All I'm trying to say is

try not to be too hard on
yourself for finding love again.

(scoffing)

- It's a little early to call it love.

It's just sex.

I mean,

should I say a thousand hail Marys too?

- How about five hail
Marys and a high five?

- Deal.

- Watch the back, watch the back.

How's it coming along?

- Good.

Trying to get these outputs lined up.

- That's good.

Let's keep up the good work.

- It's okay.

I like it.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- You know, I wouldn't be doing this

if it wasn't for that P172 though, right

- Thank God for P172.

(soft music)

- You give me too much credit

if you think I'd be any harm.

- I suppose you're right.

- I,

I just came by to give you your mail and

to check on you.

- That's very sweet.

I don't suppose you'd care
to come in for a cup of tea.

- I'd like that.

(soft music)

- This doesn't seem right.

I must be doing something.

Oh.

Okay.

Breathe.

Hey Gary.

Hi Gary, it's Nessa.

He knows your name.

What are doing?

No.

Act relaxed and calm.

Breathe.

What are you doing here?

- I just need some paper
for down at the station.

- Right, paper, paper,
'cause it's a paper store.

What is your poison?

Ink jet or all purpose?

- All purpose is fine.

- Ultra bright or regular?

- Whatever's cheaper.

- Okay.

That'll be $6, sir.

Any hot bed activity today?

- You don't want to know.

- Oh, okay.

- Have a good day.

- You too.

Gary, wait.

I forgot you are my
100th customer and you,

you get a free group of pens.

Yes.

- What color?

Black or blue?

Now I recommend choosing blue

because it shows people
that you care enough

to give them an original

and that you like them

unless they want a copy

and then it would come back black anyway

But I really do think that
blue shows that people,

you know care.

Do you care, Gary?

You care, don't you?

Which color?

Black or blue or blue or black?

- I pick blue.

- Ah, I knew you'd like blue.

You also get this.

- Kittens?

- Yeah.

For when you're lonely.

Meow.

Oh, and also I need to take
a picture for my website.

- You have a website?
- I do.

Ready.

One, two, three.

Sorry.

- Nessa.

Come on, I'm still at work.

- Gary, why don't you like me?

- What?

- I know.

I am, I'm socially awkward

and I'm not as pretty
as other girls, but why?

I mean I'm all right, aren't I?

- Yeah.

I mean, yeah,

I just,

I just don't date.

- Now it makes sense.

Oh my God, I can't believe
I didn't see this before.

Of course you wouldn't want people to kn

you were an officer of the law.

Does your, does your, does your dad know

- Does my dad know what?

- That you like to have
sex with other men.

- Wait, what?
- I can't believe

I've been throwing myself at you,

and your probably like ugh,

Nessa, vaginas gross.

Not the mine's gross.

It's actually quite lovely.

You know what?

Now we can be best friends.

I can be your Grace.

I love that show, "Will and Grace".

Talk about waxin' private parts and boys

And well, I wax my private parts.

It's very important apparently, you know

if opportunity comes a knocking.

And actually in the g*y community,

you know, manscaping, it's
something that really matters.

So I can show you how.

- Nessa, Nessa, I'm not g*y.

- So I don't get to be your Grace.

- No.

- This is embarrassing.

You probably think I'm cookoo.

(chuckling)

- Well, I don't think you're dangerous.

- It's probably the chemical plant.

Yeah.

That's making me like act like this.

- I think everyone's taking
P172 a little too far.

- No, because the lot
of people in this town

are on this dating site.

- You're on a dating site?

- Yes.

Nancy Owen said she got a
picture of a guy's p*nis.

- What?
- Yeah.

It happens a lot, I guess.

- Does that work?

- I mean, yeah, if you like the guy.

If not, then no.

- Do girls send pictures?
- Oh my God.

No, it doesn't photograph well.

Not that I try.

- [Gary] The site needs to be shut down.

- [Nessa] Why?

- Nessa, lewdness and p*rn*graphy

is not an improvement on this town.

- You're so handsome.

- What?

- I was asking if yoga is too lewd.

- Yoga?

- Oh yeah.

You know the,

the thing where people wear skimpy outfi

and they do

bendy positions.

Are you okay?

I got a book.

I, I got a book

and I think that it would
be good for the town.

Yes.

Good for the town,

you know, to get--
- That's a terrible idea.

- People loosen up and,

and work on their core.
- Nessa.

- And I mean, I really do
think it would be a good idea.

It'll bring lots--

- What would your parents think?

- Why would you bring them into?

- I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have said that.

- You know what, Gary, get out.

Give me the kitten calendar,

Gary why didn't you ask
me why I don't date?

- What?

- You think I don't

wanna be loved and kissed and touched.

I do.

I want that so badly.

And you know how hard it is
to lose both your parents

and have to raise your
kid brother on your own?

- No.

I think you're very pretty.

But I.

(soft music)

I should go.

(rock music)

♪ Looking like a fish, young man ♪

♪ I'm dropping a line in the sea ♪

♪ Hoping that the graying skies ♪

♪ They come and open up on me ♪

Don't get off the bike.

♪ Twiddling my toes ♪

♪ In my songs ♪

What the hell is happening?

♪ I'm sucking my stick ♪

(mumbles)

(rock music)

♪ Haven't had a decent meal ♪

♪ Or drink for 18 hours ♪

♪ Travel down from London in the ♪

(mumbles)

♪ Keeping my eyes ♪

♪ On the chalk ♪

♪ I'm sucking my sins ♪

(soft music)

Need to put water filters in the shower

and the cafeteria.

Otherwise we need to shut off the water.

♪ Even when we are far apart ♪

- Yes, I think I'm getting it, yes.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

It's been a long time since
I taught anyone anything.

- I can't remember the last time I dance

I thought I was too old for all this.

- No, no, I, I know what you mean.

Yeah, of course the mind

slows down and then the
body follows and well,

then the mind tells you you're old.

Yeah.

Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

- What was all that,

was all that sexual stuff

back at Mary's wake

before you were running out?

- Well,

I was a little wilder when I was younger

You won't tell anybody will you?

- Oh no.

- That hasn't been me for a long time.

And, and now I'm dancing
again after 10 years.

I've got an idea for something
a little more sultry.

How adventurous are you feeling?

- Oh, I'm, I'm open for new things.

- Good, I'll be right back.

I've got something special in mind for u

- Oh,

please make it happen.

I don't ask much,

but if I ask anything,

please don't let me get soft.

- [Aednat] Did you say something?

- Oh no, no, no.

- [Aednat] I was a bit
impulsive when I was younger.

I miss that.

- Yeah.

Impulsive is good.

Exciting.

- [Aednat] I hope I can
remember how to do this.

I'm not as flexible as I used to be.

- You and me both, baby.

- These were always great dance moves.

- What?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm stretching.

Yeah, you know,

you can't stretch with your clothes on.

Yeah, you might rip the crotch out

and I don't wanna do that.

Yeah, I mean, nothing against doing that

but you should try stretching.

It's always, it's always
something that helps you,

particularly when you,

when you get to be your age.

You gotta keep moving.

You gotta keep stretching.

There.

Now,

let's have a look at that book.

- Oh, it's,

it's Noal's old dance book from the 90s.

He was a wonderful dancer.

Much better than I ever was.

- Oh.

No, I,

I don't really,

I don't think I could do this, Aednat.

I mean, I,

I've never done anything
like this before, just,

just basic dance moves.

I mean like what's the human propeller?

- Oh, that was Noal's favorite.

- Oh

yeah, well,

all right, well,

let's, let's have a look at it.

Yeah.

The,

the woman takes the first
position on the ground

with her legs behind her head.

Oh.

And the man lays
perpendicular to the floor,

stiff as a board

with his hips balanced on her bottom

and rotates 360 degrees.

- Well, we don't have to do these moves.

We can mix it up,

but we can do tango or,

or Foxtrot.

We can learn it together.

We're not dead yet, Fergal.

- Yeah.

- What have we got to lose?

- Look, I,

I just didn't expect this.

You, you, you seem so

quiet.

- Well I,

I like being with you and I,

I guess this P172 and,

and all this it's,

it's making me feel
like my old self again.

- Yeah.

Well,

I suppose,

I suppose we can find some
energy left in these old bones.

Yeah.

So.

(upbeat music)

♪ Can I whisper in your ear ♪

Take your first position, baby.

(giggles)

♪ You look into my eyes ♪

♪ I let you know ♪

♪ It's not a dream, no ♪

♪ And I will never let you down ♪

♪ That's a promise you can tell ♪

♪ There's a secret just for you ♪

♪ Secret just for you ♪

♪ Oh, oh, ooh ♪

♪ Secret ♪

(laughs)

♪ In your ear and say these words ♪

♪ That you need me ♪

- Gary, boy.

Come in.

- How you doing today?

- Fine, thank you.

I was just hoping to
have a minute with Jerry.

- By all means.

I wouldn't wanna get in your way

in my own store.

♪ There's a secret ♪

- I went to the office,
but you weren't there.

- My calls are being forwarded to my cel

- But you should be at the office.

- I didn't feel like going.

I'll go in later.

What's got into you, Gary?

- Did you get the email I sent you?

- Yeah.

- And?

- And I am not imposing a curfew

or posting notices around
town about proper behavior.

- I just think it would prevent people

from breaking the law.

- What law is being broken?

Gary, sit down.

Brigid, honey, do you
have any coffee or tea?

- [Brigid] Sure.

- Gary,

we've known each other for
the better part of 10 years.

It's a long time.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Jerry, if you have something
to say to me, then say it.

- Gary, in all that time I,

I have never seen you go out on a date.

You've never had a girlfriend.

- Eric and James have come out.

They're walking around town holding hand

It is so adorable.

- The job comes first now more than ever

- But this town is better
than it's ever been.

- Better?

Are you blind.

- Gary, why didn't you ask Nessa out?

Everybody knows she's attracted to you.

I don't know why.

- Well, even your father is dating.

- What?

Who?

- He's been giving Aednat
dancing lessons for weeks.

They've been spending
a lot of time together,

if you know what I mean.

- That doesn't mean that they're dating

or that they're doing that.

Jerry, this proposal--

- Don't you miss love, Gary?

- Stay outta this, Brigid.

- Don't bark at me in my own store.

- This is why I came her.

- I suppose you don't miss sex either.

- Brigid, don't--

- You've overstepped
your bounds, Ms. Kerry.

- Oh, come on now.
- I'm a man of honor.

- [Brigid] No, you are not.

- I'm a man of honor who
cares more about this town

than the town gossip.

- You are a control freak and a bully.

- Do you wanna talk about real solutions

or do you wanna fail this
town and just dance all day?

- Now you've overstepped your bounds.

- Jerry, if you don't
wanna impose a curfew

for anyone under 18,,

I can't be held responsible

when there's a hospital
full of teen pregnancies.

- That's the way it was
when I was growing up.

Maybe that's what this town needs.

- You're insane.

I'm not giving up on this, Jerry.

- I wish I had a baby.

It would've filled a void in my life.

- Police force.
- In your life.

- Your fault.

If you don't wanna rally
behind saving this town,

then maybe I should find some residents

who will find a mayor who will.

- Control yourself, man.

Who do you think you are?

- I'm the law.

- Yes.

Yes.

You are a law enforcement
officer, not a law maker.

That son is far above your pay grade.

Now I don't know what's
happening with you.

Gary O'Reilly, stop.

There has been talk around town

that you have been abusing your power.

You have no right to shut down the water

Maybe you should have a drink yourself.

Gary.

Gary!

(soft music)

He's afraid.

Of what, I don't know.

Whatever it is, it has
nothing to do with this town.

- He'd have a real breakdown

if he knew we were planning an orgy.

♪ I say foolish things ♪

♪ I drink too much ♪

♪ I'm out of touch ♪

♪ But that's just me ♪

♪ I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ You're on my mind ♪

♪ Kiss me one more time ♪

♪ And I come back to life ♪

♪ Cause when you're in love ♪

♪ You get to live twice ♪

♪ And I love you so much ♪

♪ I love you so much ♪

♪ I love you so much ♪

♪ I love you so much ♪

Times up, get yourself together.

- I'm not sure this tanning
lotion is the right fit for me.

- Willy Wonka called.

He said to go back to work.

(laughs)

- I've got a new product in.

Caribbean bronze.

I can set you up with it.

- Oh, I'd like that.

- And I am not interested

in seeing your butt print
on my new tanning bed.

- Well.

- Who would've ever thought
that I would buy a tanning bed

or that you could even have one

in a place where they sell food.

I'm gonna pick up some things

and then I'm going over to Nessa's.

I have to take her this plant.

- Why?

- It's the anniversary
of her parents passing,

the car crash.

- That's right.

- It's called spathiphyllum.

You give it to someone in
remembrance of their loved ones.

- [Jerry] That's lovely.

- Sytha polatitus?

- Batachulatum.

- Spathiphyllum.

I won't be long.

Will you watch things for me?

- I will.

- Hello.

Ha ha.

- What are you doing here?

- I just got done with yoga and I,

I saw some cars.

I wanted know if anybody
wanted to have lunch with me?

- Well, Brigid just
left out the back door.

She's gonna give you something.

- Oh, that's nice.

What?

- Syphilis?
- What?

- To remind you that
your loved ones are dead.

- What?
- Hey.

- Oh hi, Stevie.

We were just talking about how Brigid

is gonna give your sister syphilis.

- What, no, I.

- It's a plant.

We don't know how to pronounce it.

If you hurry, you'll probably
catch her at your shop.

- Yeah.

(muttering)

Namaste.

I'm getting there, I'm working on it.

(laughs)

- Syphilis.

- I know it's cheaper online,

so I really appreciate this, John.

I've got five other police
departments in the county

who have agreed to buy
their office supplies

from Nessa Ward.

So this is really gonna help her out.

Do me a favor though,

don't tell her I called you about this.

(phone ringing)

John, I gotta go.

Thanks again.

Kilnerry Sheriff's department.

Kids wander around neighborhoods,

that's what they do.

Okay, I'll come check it out.

- What's going on?

- Are those my parents?

- [Stevie] How can you tell?

- [Aiesha] Because that's a Halloween ma

I used to wear as a kid.

- [Stevie] That's so creepy.

- What are you kids doing?

Stevie.

What?

(yelling)
(lively music)

(lively music)

♪ Follow me ♪

♪ To the water ♪

♪ Smile bright ♪

♪ At the wheels ♪

♪ I got all ♪

♪ Dressed up for you ♪

♪ So that I could sing your name ♪

♪ It is time ♪

♪ To wake up ♪

♪ From the dream ♪

♪ But darlin' you ♪

- Snap out of it.

- What is the matter, Jerry?

- Nothing.

Nothing is the matter.

Nothing.

- Nobody's ever gonna know.

I don't know where this goes.

- Yeah, it goes over here.

You're doing great.

- Worst swingers party ever.

- Fergal!

- What?

- You weren't even
supposed to know about it.

- Oh, like I wasn't supposed
to find out about it.

I've never been to one, but I was curiou

Everyone was supposed to
wear a mask for a anonymity,

but how the hell are you supposed
to find a masquerade mask

this time of season?

Everything online takes
too long to get up here.

So everyone ended up having
to take the Halloween mask

that was left over from their grandkids.

- You don't have grandkids?

- Yeah.

I was the one with a
paper sack on my head.

- That was you?

- What are you chuckling at?

- I'm not saying anything.

- You better spill it right
now, CV Ward, right now.

(rock music)

- Okay, look, it was,

it was Colin's idea, all right.

He found the invitation in
his mom's trash and well,

you know, we were just curious.

We thought it was like a
sacrifice or something.

- Some ways it was.

- Oh, you hush.

- Yeah, it made me feel
really uncomfortable.

It's weird.

- Jerry had a ghost mask on.

- How did you know that was Jerry?

- How many men his age have a tr*mp stam

on his lower backs?

- Hello all.

- Hello!

- Oh.
- Wow.

- You two are gonna knock up dead tonigh

- Did you read the Times?

- Yes, they mentioned you and Fergal

and the dance competition.

- How did you get a copy of the Times?

- Oh, I have it made to me.

It takes a week, but I get it.

- Ms. McLaughlin,

you look as young as ever.

- Oh.

Well this is as good as
it's ever gonna get, Stevie.

- Well, if you keep dancing,

you have the body of a 20 year old.

- Oh, listen to this one flirting with m

It's true.

- You know, I think I
gotta go home and study.

- Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah.

- All right, later everyone.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- And we are gonna talk when I get home.

So are you nervous about tonight?

- Well, I guess a little.

- Well, what happened to
all that religious guilt?

- Well, I wouldn't have done any of it

if you hadn't been for that P172.

The good Lord would've
struck me down ages ago,

but it's beyond our control.

(soft music)

- [Brigid] So, the man from the EPA

is going to pay us another visit.

- Why?

- Yeah, we got a big success story here.

We're in the Times.

- Good evening everyone.

- Hi, father.

- Ah, Jerry, get the father a beer.

- [Jerry] I'm busy.

- Jerry.

- I'll have a pint, barman.

- You do it.

- I don't know how.

- Fine.

I'll do it.

- Hey Gary, how's it going?

You're not still sore with me, are ya?

I'm wearing clothes today.

- Why wouldn't you be wearing clothes?

- It's a long story.

This tastes flat.

- I've never served a
flat beer in my life.

You wanna punch in a face?

- Always violence with you, isn't it me.

- Me?

Well, you are no saint.

- Wait, wait, wait, who's violent?

- This one here.

- Who did you beat up?

- No one.
- Repent, sinner.

- Don't try to intimidate
me with religion.

- Son, you wanna jump in here?

- Nope.

- This man would come
into church every Sunday

and steal holy water

and take it back to his bar

and put it in his Shepherd's pies

and call them Christ's pies.

- Well, he would park in
my space at the office

and walk three blocks to the church.

You have a whole damn parking lot.

- I've been upset with you for 15 years

for roughing up my sister.

- What?

- Is that true?

- I have no idea what he's talking about

What an earth are you talking about?

- It's true.

I was in high school

and you picked up my
older sister for a date

on your motorcycle.

She always thought it was so cool

to go out with a much older
guy who had a motorcycle.

- She was in her 20s.

Let's not make it could sound
like I was dating children.

- This hooligan picked her up,

took her out and later that night

she came home with bruises all over.

She refused to tell anyone what happened

I swore revenge on you
that night for life.

- I never touched your sister.

(yelling)

- [Woman] Stop it.

- We were riding home down Carigore Road

And I looked back to talk
to her and she was gone.

I had stopped at a few
intersections and I,

I just assumed she jumped off.

She never called me that night.

I was devastated.

- You didn't notice when she let go.

- She was holding onto
the back of her seat.

- See, so maybe when, when she got off,

someone else roughed her up.

- And,

is that the same Corigan Road

that used to have all those old pot hole

- Oh dear God.

She must have bounced right off the back

- How could you not have noticed?

- I was facing forward.

I'm not a damn stunt driver.

- I didn't know you had a motorcycle.

- She must have tumbled
right down the hill

and I just kept going.

I thought for sure, I was
gonna get laid that night.

- Animal!

That's my sister!

- It didn't happen, did it?

- See, he never touched your sister.

It was an accident.

- And you've had,

you've had this grudge for 15 years.

♪ We are the one ♪

(laughs)

- Take him.
- What the?

- Hit him.

You can hit him.

(yelling)

- [Woman] What is the matter with you?

- [Jerry] What is the matter with you?

- I just drank the water.

- So?

- So I'm infected just like all of you.

- Infected?

- The one thing we
could count in this town

was that these two
would always be fighting

and now that's is gonna change too.

You people don't get it.

P172 has ruined this town.

Look at you.

You've changed.

You've all changed.

- I haven't.

I'm still the same.

- You.

You're the worst out of all of them.

You and your yoga nonsense.

I can't stop thinking about you

in your sexual provocative positions.

It's not normal.

You're disgracing yourself
and everyone in this town.

- Gary.

- Your parents would be ashamed of you.

- Hey enough!

(soft music)

Oh, you're a real horses a*s.

Come on, Aednat.

We've got a competition to go to.

Yeah, that's right.

A dance competition.

- I'll drive you.

(soft music)

- Hey.
- Well.

- You know, sheriff,

you've been so busy playing dictator

to everyone in this town

that you to realize

that we don't need you anymore.

There's no crime in Kilnerry

except for police harassment.

And I for one am going to
call the governor's office

first thing in the morning
to lodge a complaint

and maybe it's time for
the people of this town

to petition for a new sheriff.

- Maybe you should go, son.

(soft music)

- Jerry, keys.

- Gary,

keys.

(soft music)

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Let's hear
it for Sally (mumbles)

and Peter McGuire.

Weren't they wonderful!

(audience applauds)

- You look great.

Just remember

to focus on your breathing

and watch me, huh.

- Up next, the senior
regional division competition.

Let's welcome to the dance
floor and Fergal O'Reilly

and Aednat McLaughlin.

(sensual music)

♪ Yeah, baby ♪

(sensual music)

♪ Let me pull up on you ♪

(mumbles)

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ I wanna make ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ When your roamin' mind ♪

♪ My head begins to turn ♪

♪ I wanna ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ Don't make no sense ♪

♪ Don't make no sense ♪

♪ I'd be a fool to fight it ♪

♪ Just saying ♪

♪ Do you like it like this ♪

♪ Do you like it like that ♪

♪ I'm here baby ♪

♪ For your every desire ♪

- Is that legal?

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ I wanna make ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ When your roamin' mind ♪

♪ My head begins to turn ♪

♪ I wanna ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ I wanna make ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

(mumbles)

♪ It won't let me shake this burn ♪

♪ I wanna ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ I wanna make love to you ♪

♪ Don't make no sense ♪

♪ Don't make no sense ♪

♪ I'd be a fool to fight it ♪

♪ I don't wanna fight it ♪

♪ Why would I fight it ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ I can't fight it ♪

♪ Not at my heart's expense ♪

(audience applauds)

- I wish I could do that.

(audience applauds)

- [Man] Bravo.

Bravo!

- What?

647!

647!

♪ When we ♪

♪ Went there ♪

♪ Pull out ♪

♪ Our hair ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Look back ♪

♪ And why ♪

♪ The sky ♪

♪ Trains without tracks ♪

♪ Ain't ♪

♪ Bringing you back ♪

(mumbles)

♪ When you feel ♪

(mumbles)

- I got in.

- Dude, that's awesome.

- I got in.

We gotta to tell Aiesha.

- She's gonna freak.

Come on.

(soft music)

- Come in.

- What are you still doing up?

- What are you, my mother now?

- Just seems a little late, that's all.

- I didn't feel like it.

I'll go to bed when I'm ready.

What, leave them there.

- You can't leave trash
all over your house, Dad.

- I said, leave them.

- What's going on with with you?

- Me?

- What, you're dancing,
you're dating, you're tanning.

- Leave me alone.

I'm happy.

I wanna be happy before I die.

- Is that what this is about?

You think you're gonna die.

- One day?

You can keep you from dying son,

but you can keep me from living.

- If mom were alive,

she'd say you were acting crazy.

- Yeah, but she's not here.

She's been dead for a long time.

- Yeah, I know mom's dead, dad.

- I loved your mom

with every ounce of me.

Yeah, but,

when she died,

I stopped living.

Maybe I stopped being a good father too.

- Stop.

- But she,

she would want me to be happy.

I even joined a new dating app.

- Yeah, I saw.

- Yeah, Aednat and I, we enjoy each othe

but we're not exclusive.

Not yet.

It's a very sexy name, that app.

Grinder.

Not a lot of women on that thing.

Just a lot of polite men.

It's weird how they,

they keep calling me daddy.

- Dad.

- And for some reason,

they think I must own a
scrapyard or something

because they keep asking
for pictures are my junk.

And I send them pictures
of our old jalopy out back

and things in the garage, but

they never write back.

You know what,

my junk maybe,

maybe worn and beat up, but it,

it's still worth something.

Yeah, they can, they can,

they can stick it straight up their asse

- Dad, Grinder's a g*y dating app.

- Huh?

- Forget it.

- You remember when you were

sleeping in the hall of
that hospital for two weeks

when your mother was dying?

You must have been all of 18,

too young for a boy to
be losing his mother.

I was falling apart, but you,

you were the rock.

Keeping me up and yelling at
all the doctors and nurses.

And before she,

she was sick,

you saved money to go
backpacking across Europe,

wanted to be an architect.

- Well, I had to stay
here and take care of you.

- Don't you put that on me.

You just,

you stopped living.

Why?

Just because you're wanted to save her.

- I was just some dumb kid.

What did I know?

- No, you weren't.

You're the bravest kid I know.

You just gave up.

That's what you did.

And now you're just right
up and down these streets

trying to make everybody the same becaus

because change scares you.

I see it.

I get it.

- You don't know what
you're talking about.

- Yes I do!

And you're pushing everyone away from yo

Like you are a coward

and that's not you.

And if you don't come to terms

with what you're doing,
you're always gonna be alone.

I love you son.

But you're the only
one that can stop this.

- What am I supposed to do?

Just ignore what everyone's doing.

Let 'em do whatever they want.

- You'll figure it out.

You're a smart kid.

Now you gotta go.

I ordered the spice channel.

An old man

and young sluts is about to start.

- I didn't need to hear that.

- Why do you think I have
newspapers all over the floor?

- Oh geez.

- Hey sheriff, you going dancing?

♪ Beer is rushing me on top of ♪

- Do I ask you about your business?

♪ Mirror says that I'm ahead of my ♪

♪ Strangest feeling that
his leg has been shot ♪

♪ Contemplating if he has or has not ♪

♪ Building, enjoying
my crotch on the wall ♪

♪ Brain is registering nothing at all ♪

♪ Fear is rushing me on top of a stage ♪

♪ No escaping, I'm a rat in a cage ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Floating free ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Yeah, I can't stand ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look no hands ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Floating free ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ I can't stand ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look no hands ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Clean my space ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ It's too late ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ I can't stand ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look no hands ♪

(rock music)

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Clean my space ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ It's too late ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ I can't stand ♪

♪ I've been canceled ♪

♪ Look no hands ♪

- Good evening.

Welcome to another
quarterly town hall meeting

in lovely Kilnerry.

There have been a lot of exciting change

since our last meeting, yeah.

(audience applauds)

Oh, I see some new smiling faces.

The, the, the gray clouds are parted

and it's gonna be a beautiful summer

and we're booming now baby!

(audience applauds)

Now, as you know,

my dear friend Rakesh

from the Environmental Protection Agency

has come back to speak to us.

He says he has some good news for us.

Let's bring him up.

- [Woman] Yay!

(audience applauds)

- Wow.

Thank you.

This is a pretty different welcome

compared to the last
time I was here, right?

Thank you all for being so, so gracious.

I've been reading about
you guys in the Times.

And Jerry has told me about
all the amazing things

that have been happening here.

And gosh, I, I gotta admit

I was not excited to
come here that first time

when I had to break the news

about the potential side effects of P172

which is why I am so
excited to be back here now,

to tell you.

- What did I miss?

- Well, the rats that we got

for the original--

- Don't shush me.

I shush you.

- Right, so what I had to say

was I'm excited to tell you--

- I shush you.

That's what I do.

(shushing)

I shush you!

- Wow.

I really missed you guys.

So anyways, the rats that we conducted

the original P172 study on,

they were all contaminated
before we got them.

They were in another department

being tested on pheromones.

- Does that mean we're not
helping the environment?

- No, you are helping the environment.

I'm just saying that

P172 has no side effects.

- But I was out of control.

- Just look outside

and you'll see that the animals

are not fornicating each other to death.

They, they're acting completely normal.

- I shush you.

- Not now darling.

None of this is real.

P172 is fake.

All those things we did,

we did on our own.

Oh, I feel so ashamed.

- I think I'm going to be sick.

- We mortgaged the house
to build a dungeon,

all the leather toys and butt plugs.

- Look, I know this is
hitting all hard now--

- Shut up, Gary.

It isn't about you right now.

I'm going to hell.

- You damn sons of b*tches.

We must be a laughing stock to you.

You and the whole lot of
you back in Washington,

laughing at us.

Yeah, thinking we're we're
under some, some g*dd*mn spell.

- [Brigid] We'll sue them.

- No, I would not suggest
that these private companies

have millions that they put into lobbyin

and they have politicians
in their pockets.

They have teams of lawyers

that could bankrupt this entire town.

Things are just not the
way they used to be.

- We were in the Times

on the internet.

- I just think--

- My face is the face
they're going to show

when they talk about
what fools we've been.

- Everyone, please.

- Not now, Gary.

You've got the rest of your
life to rub our noses in this.

- I don't wanna--

- I'm not sorry for any of it.

- What?

- I'm not sorry for any of it.

I'm not.

- What do you mean?

- P172 or not,

I love you.

I am a fool.

And now the world knows.

I don't care.

All I care is about

you,

Brigid love.

- Oh Jerry.

- Listen, everybody.

However you're feeling right now,

just give it some time.

It'll blow over.

- Blow over.

Some of us have a lot more years
behind us than ahead of us.

Oh, well for some of
us, it's a dying legacy

being a punch line.

- Let's calm down and remember

we're in the house of the Lord.

We're all responsible for our own action

No one in this room is being judged.

Only God can do that.

No one here acted out to spite God.

You all acted in a manner
that made you happy

or made you express love.

For some fornicating was a
way of breaking down walls

and allowing yourself to feel love again

I too had to come to terms with
wanting to be closer to God

in the image that he made me,

which is why

I have become a nudist.

(crowd gasping)

- Okay, it was great
to see you guys again.

Have a good one.

- It's not sexual.

It's not sinful.

It's just the way God made me.

You all inspired this courageous leap.

- Nice p*nis, Wesley.

- [Eric] Hey.

- Babe, I'm just looking.

Just looking.

- I have something to add here too.

It wasn't too long ago that

I was pretty lonely.

We'd pass one another and say hi,

but otherwise we wouldn't
bother one another.

And these last three months,

there's not a day that's
gone by that not one of you

hasn't been part of my life.

I've never felt so loved.

And I will,

I will not let anyone cheapen that

or shame the people that I love

and respect.

(soft music)

- I was wrong, dad.

I was wrong.

Let me ask you people something.

Have I ever been unfair?

By the constraints of the law,

have I ever been unfair?

Blake?

Margaret?

Anyone?

I just always knew what
to expect from this town.

I protect the people I love.

Even when that means pointing out

when I think you're doing things

against your better judgment.

- That's not for you to decide.

Oh, I know you look at me
and you see an old woman.

Well, I can't help these wrinkles

or that I move a little slower.

Inside, I'm the same woman
I was before you were born.

- Just let me finish.

I.

I was just trying to.

You gotta know

that it came from a right place.

No matter how misguided it was,

maybe I was a horse's a*s.

You,

you people have no idea how
important you are to me.

I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna stop
upholding the law either.

But I will try and be a better friend.

- I don't accept your
apology, Sheriff O'Reilly.

You don't just get to say you're sorry

and expect everything to be fine.

You hurt people.

And some cuts are deeper than others.

And we just got some very
shocking news yet again,

and you're making it about you.

So I am gonna go home

and I am gonna think about
how this makes me feel.

And I will not be thinking about
you or your rock hard body.

I said it out loud.

(soft music)

- If there's nothing else,

let's call it a night.

As always, the bar is open,

but whatever you decide to do,

please

be safe.

- Hey Gary.

How'd you like those gnomes
I left in your front yard?

(lively music)

- I'm proud of you son.

Come on.

I'll buy you a pint.

(lively music)

- And you promise me that
you are gonna call me,

give your room number so
I can send you a surprise.

- Yes.

Yes sis, I'll text you everything.

I thought they sell supplies there.

- I wanna be able to send
you highlighters and pens.

And do you need protractor?

- [Stevie] What?

(chattering)

- What are you looking for?

- Sheriff O'Reilly.

- Why are you looking for him?

- Well, he said that he
would say goodbye to me

before I left.

And I haven't really seen him all week.

- I wouldn't expect too much from him.

- Look, he's not a bad guy.

You just gotta give him a chance.

- Stevie please--
- Look, he really likes, you.

- No, he doesn't.

- But he's a great guy--

- Stevie, stop, stop.

- Give him a chance.
- Stop.

Just stop.

I'm gonna be alone and that's fine.

- Look, I'll come over
for summer and holidays

and I'll talk to you on the
phone all the time, okay.

(horn honking)

Okay, I got, I gotta go.

Okay, I love you sis.

- I love you too.

(soft music)

Mom and dad would be really proud.

- Hey, what's up.

(group chatter)

- What's up, man?
- Hey.

How's it going?

(group chatter)

Hey, Sheriff O'Reilly.

Hey.

Just give me one second, one second.

I'm gonna go grab Nessa.

She's on the other side, okay.

Hold on.

Hey, he's on the other side.
- What are you?

- Just talk to him.

- Are you okay?

What?

Wait, Stevie.

Just call me later.

(soft music)

- You just missed him.

- Actually, we saw each
other through the window.

We, we set our goodbyes.

I thought I'd come by--
- I have dates.

I mean, I have to go on a date.

- Oh.

- Yes.

I signed up for that dating app.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you, I've moved on and I have

a lot of men that are sending
me picture of their dicks.

d*ck pics.

Little dicks, big dicks,
all kinds of dicks--

- Nessa--
- Why would you

say those things to me?

- You know why.

- No.

You're an awful person.

- It's not because I meant them.

It's 'cause I was trying to hurt you.

- Why would you wanna hurt me?

- Because you terrify me.

Why do I terrify you?

- Because I'm absolutely

in every possible way

in love with you.

- What?

- You don't terrify me anymore.

(soft music)

- I terrify you?

- Uh huh.

There's one more thing.

- What?

- I think I'm gonna
open up a dance studio.

- [Nessa] What do you know about dance?

- Mom and dad might have
showed me one or two things

and there might be room
enough for your yoga studio.

- Well, Sheriff O'Reilly,

I don't know what to say.

So you love me, huh?

- [Gary] You making fun of me?

- [Nessa] No, you got moves.

Moves, moves, moves.

- [Gary] You wanna see
some moves, come here.

(lively music)

♪ Can you take me ♪

♪ I wanna go down to the city ♪

♪ I wanna show 'em that
I'm gonna do something ♪

♪ Back home ♪

♪ Won't you let me ♪

♪ Follow all the dreams in my mind ♪

♪ Everybody knows it's my time ♪

♪ Back home ♪

♪ Back home is a hard knock story ♪

♪ Faded jeans and abated glory ♪

♪ I only wanna glimpse
of the city lights ♪

♪ Party with the kids who have ♪

(mumbles)

♪ Everyone knows the story ♪

♪ You got one life ♪

♪ Just one short life ♪

♪ Can you take me ♪

♪ Back home ♪

♪ Can you take me ♪

♪ I wanna go down to the city ♪

♪ I wanna show 'em that
I'm gonna be something ♪

♪ Back home ♪

♪ Come and save me ♪

♪ Places that ♪

- Sheriff, there's
something going on in there.

- We're really worried.

- All right, I got this.

Just go back in your homes.

Jim, Carol it's Gary O'Reilly.

(screamo music)

Freeze, Kilnerry police!

(screams)

(screamo music)

- Looks like we got
ourselves another sl*ve.

- Just,

just keep it down next time.

- Sure thing, sheriff.

Hey, but if you ever feel like
bringing your handcuffs by

and play, you know where to find us.

(soft music)