Love and Death on Long Island (1997)

[bunniefuu]

It is so difficult to know
where I should begin.

Especially when, unlike you,
I already know the ending.

But let us say that this story
began with the end of another,

far, far from the surf of Long Island.

For many years, I had
absolutely no public life.

I had said, "No," to interviews so often,

it was widely regarded as my forte.

Then, just once...
on impulse... I said,

"Yes."

Does the 20th century
play any part in your life?

I'm sorry?

Do you, for instance, use a word processor?

I'm a writer. I write.

I don't process words.

So, who do you write for?

Myself. May I ask why
you're here today?

Well, I was wondering that myself.

But... your...
colleague was... a friend...

of my late wife, who translated
for the World Service.

And, of course, I do have a faint interest
as to how these things are done, you know.

You've never been
tempted to write for radio?

Or television?
I'm afraid not.

Would you permit your work
to be adapted for the screen,

now that even
E.M. Forster's been done?

Oh, I'd prefer not to be done.

But he's been done rather well,
don't you think?

I've... I've no idea.

I haven't been to the pictures
for quite some time.

One or two?

One?

Hey, are you sure this
is the right window, man?

We're not gonna get caught, jerk-off!

And any minute now that room is gonna
be filled with butt-naked babes.

Hey, big guy, give me the camera.

Ahhh.
Oh, man!

Whoo-hoo! Take it off, please!

She is so totally hot!

Someone's coming!

Christ, it's the Stomper!
Oh, I'm outta here!

What are you boys doing here?
You shouldn't be here!

This isn't E.M. Forster!

Hey, man, you got a rival.
Molly's in there with a guy!

What?
I'll k*ll him!

Come on.
Let's go!

Mikey? You been beaten to
it by your kid brother!

I think it's time
for a pizza delivery, boys.

Oh, wee.
Go get 'em, man!

Hoo-hoo! Hey, what
are you doin'?

Hey, cut it out!
Go, dude, go!

Kick his a*s!
Corey!

What's up?

Hey, come on, man.
We can talk about this.

Yeah?

Hiya, Molly.
What's happenin', baby?

Hi, Corey.

Come on, man. Put me
down! Put me down!

Corey, she made me do it.
Shut up, you little jerk-off!

You're just trying to make me jealous, huh?

Ah!

What a relief.

My wife must have known this would happen.

Tell me, Mrs. Reed, you live
here alone now, don't you? Yes.

Me alone.
But the... television.

The television?
It's mine. I like it.

You... watch
the pictures?

Your specialized subject is Christopher
Columbus. You've two minutes starting now.

With subtitles. By what name
was Columbus known in Spain?

- Cristóbal Colón.
- Correct.

Of what did Columbus reputedly become
the first European connoisseur?

Tobacco? Correct.
How extraordinary.

Have you been locked out all day?

No! No, no. I...
Just for a short while.

I went to the pictures.

The cinema.

The ci-ne-ma.

I'm ever so sorry about yesterday.

And why is that?

About not being home
when you needed the keys.

Well, I can hardly dictate what you
do on your Sundays, Mrs. Barker.

My sister in Whitstable's been poorly.

Needs a bit of helping out.

Is there anything else,
Mrs. Barker?

I was just going to mention...

My sister and I heard you
on the wireless yesterday.

Tell me, you weren't taught by Forster
when you were up at Cambridge?

Alas, no.
You know they're...

even adapting his work
for the pictures now?

Can't say that I approve.

It could have been a lot worse.

- Er, the adaptation?
- The interview.

Oh. In what way? It could have been
on television. That's a much...

greater intrusion, I can tell you.

Do you know you can get televisions
that transcribe what people say?

May I ask, would that be another book?

Yes.
I'm afraid it is.

I don't know how you do it.

Takes me all my time to read one.

Well, as Gwen always used to say,

it's easier to write one than it is
to read one properly, Mrs. Barker.

Yes, I'm sure she did.

I can almost hear her saying it.

I've never really approved
of the pre-Raphaelites.

Hmm?

Well, just look at him.

He's one of your sister's favorites.

What's meant to be going on?

Love letters, suicide...
that sort of thing?

More likely to be
rejections from publishers.

Chatterton was a writer. Oh.

I must get around to reading
one of your books, Giles.

There never seem to be
enough hours in the day.

Giles?

Winsome, young, neoclassical.

Isolated...

by beauty, death.

No smoking, guv.
Thanks very much.

- I beg your pardon?
- It says, "No smoking."

No. It says,
"Thank you for not smoking."

As I am smoking,
I don't expect to be thanked.

Can I help you?
Uh... Yes...

- One for number three, please.
- Come again?

- Uh, one adult for number three.
- What do you want to see, sir?

- The film in number three.
- Which?

Uh, Hotpants College II.

Thank you.

The college girls are back!
Let's go! Come on!

Hang on! All right?

Come on, Mom. I gotta go.
Today's a big day.

Oh, yeah? What's
so special about it?

College girls are back
in town, that's what.

Oh, I wish you'd keep your mind on
school, Corey, like your brother.

Yeah. Yeah. He finds time to work
at Chicken Burger. Why can't you?

Mom, I thought you were going
to see a doctor about that.

What a f*cking prat.

Shhh!

Ronnie Bostock.

R. Bostock, Esquire.

Bostock, brackets, Ronald.

Puerile romp without
a single redeeming feature."

Uh, you wouldn't have
any milk left, I suppose?

Mum. Milk.

Only this left.

Is okay?
It is milk, isn't it?

Abigail, we close now.

We're closing now.

Hotpants College II...

"has even more
yummy guys than H.C. I,

"including mega-dreamboat Ronnie Bostock.

"Next month, find out how 'Bostie'fares...

"in our feature on 'Hollywood's
Most Snoggable Fellas'...

"Exclamation mark,

exclamation mark,
exclamation mark."

I'm sorry to disturb you,
but I can't find them anywhere.

Uh, Mrs. Barker,
I've been thinking that, uh,

it will be best if I was left
undisturbed in the afternoon.

My work is very taxing at the moment.
What about your tea?

Oh, I'll call you when
I'm ready for it. But, um...

I must admit it's been...
odd this last week.

It's that funny milk.

Uh-uh, what is it you were looking for?

The kitchen scissors.

Skid Marks 1994.

Tex Mex 1995.

Hotpants College II 1996.

Mrs. Barker,
I'll take tea now!

Is it on the left?

Or right?

And what is your
chosen specialized subject?

The life and work of Ronnie Bostock.

You have two minutes on the life and
work of Ronnie Bostock, starting... now.

Ronnie Bostock was born in Southern
California but where does he live now?

Chesterton, Long Island. Correct. What
is the name of the dog which features...

prominently in his publicity stills?

Strider. Correct. What
is Ronnie Bostock's...

favorite reading material?

Stephen King and science fiction.
Correct.

For what does Ronnie have a
self-confessed weakness? Pizza?

Yes. I'll accept that. It's actually
pizza with extra anchovies.

Under what circumstances
would Ronnie do a nude scene?

If it were tasteful...

And? Correct. essential
to the plot.

Why was he not cast in the
original Hotpants College?

Uh, too young?
No. He was unable...

to break his contract with the
sitcom Home Is Where The Heart Is.

What is Ronnie's favorite kind
of training shoe and why?

Reeboks, because British stuff is cool.
Correct.

With which of his rock idols was he
recently photographed? Axl Rose.

Correct. Ronnie claims to like nothing
better than hanging out with the guys.

What exactly do these "guys" mean to him?

I wonder.

Is that Chesterton there?

Chesterton.
You want?

Why not?

For a change, yes?

Thank you.

I have, as usual, said you're far too busy.

But it is a very prestigious
lecture, Giles.

Would you advise me against it?
As your agent,

I would strongly urge you
to do it. But... as a friend...

I wouldn't want to disturb your
work, which seems to be so...

invigorating, Giles.

I'll think about it.
Really?

Yes. I'm getting rather tired
of hearing myself say no.

Now, you can help me, Henry.

What exactly is a "sitcom"?

No good, this program. Really?

Here, this is
better. Dog.

Do you like dogs,
Mr. De'Ath?

Need any help, sir?

Yes. I'm interested
in acquiring a video player.

Uh, these are microwaves, sir.

Oh. Video players are over here.

Let's start with this little humdinger.
It's got it all, this one.

Nicam digital stereo, long-play facility,

14-day, eight-event timer,
two-speed slow motion...

My needs are rather limited.

But it's top of the range, this one.
Oh, is it?

Yeah, and it's in your interest
to keep up with the technology.

I'll get it, Mrs. Barker!

Delivery for Doctor Death. Yes.

Is that your real name, then?

Pronounced "Day-aa-th." Bet
you get a lot ofjokes.

Not since school.

Nice place.

All these books, they're
not all different, are they?

- You read them all?
- Could we, uh...

Right.
Where's your telly?

- I'm sorry?
- Gogglebox. TV.

No. I don't have one.

Blimey! Well, what
the hell's this for then?

Well, it's to watch films on, actually.

Yeah, but... but what
you gonna watch them on?

Well...
On the video?

Two pieces of identification,
one proof of address...

I believe that qualifies me for membership.

There's a ten-pound deposit
so you don't nick nothing,

but you get a two-pound voucher
for Bernie's Pizza delivery.

You can take out two tapes now if you want.

Um...

Could I forfeit my Bernie's
Pizza voucher for a third one?

That's out.

I'm... I'm sorry?
Tex Mex.

Went out an hour ago. Really?

We only keep one of everything unless
it's a big f*ck off blockbuster.

I see.
That's in.

Harry... Skid Marks.

No. Tape's buggered.

- Do you want to have another bash?
- Well, uh, uh...

Perhaps you have, uh, Hotpants College II?

Harry! Hotpants I, II...
It's not out yet, is it?

Nah.
Got Hotpants I in.

Uh, may I place a reservation for Tex Mex?

No. There's
no reservations.

Uh, you mean I have
to wait two weeks, uh...

I hope not. You can only
keep them out overnight.

Isn't one allowed two weeks at a library?

It takes two weeks
to read a book, doesn't it?

Those things are more trouble than
they're worth, if you ask me.

Uh, Mrs. Barker.

I've been thinking I should be...

starting to cope a little better on my own.

So, I won't be needing you
after 2:00 in the afternoons.

But what about your dinner?

Oh, I'm quite sure that I can manage.

Oh, and I would...
prefer it if you...

if you didn't clean
in this room... at all.

What about the dust?

"The more one dusts,
the more dust one makes,"

is what Gwen always
used to say, Mrs. Barker.

This had better work. Cool it, Pete.
Have I ever let you down before?

Make sure you land him in the sh*t.
'Cause that's what he's done to us.

Hey, hey, hey. Here he comes. Here
he comes. Get down. Get down.

Now!

Wow.
Awesome.

Oh, sh*t!
Too darn right, Bozo.

You're in deep sh*t. Yeah, man.
You know what you are?

You're nothing but a... but a skid
mark on the underpants of life.

Yeah!

He's coming.
He's coming.

So, if you take the entrance
and project study...

If one has to have a theme, Henry,

it would be...

the discovery of beauty where no one
ever thought of looking for it.

Ah, yes. Familiar
territory for you.

Hardly. I have begun to engage in
completely new subject matter.

New to me, at least.

Splendid. At our time of life,
it's good to tackle something new.

I was considering golf, actually.

I could almost say that it has
brought me into contact with...

everything that I myself have never been.

But that must be all
for the time being, Henry.

Giles,

I'm very intrigued.

You may find it rather difficult to get
in touch with me in the near future.

I'm finding it rather
difficult now, old chap.

Hey, Jake!

Hey, hey, what's goin'on? Are you crazy?
Get out of the way, Johnny.

This ain't the way, Jake. You
heard what Father Bryson said.

He said we all gotta
learn how to get along.

Yeah? Well I'm tired of these
Mexicans taking jobs from my folks!

They never took any job you want and you
know it! Just get out of the way, Johnny.

I ain't going anywhere. You want to get
to these boys, you have to go through me.

- Is that right?
- Yeah, that's right.

Oh, you did it now, Jake!

Save your breath, my child.

Oh, I tried to tell him,
Father. I tried. I tried.

Hush now. God knows what
you say is true, to be sure.

You were right, Father.

We all got to try to live together.

I'll never forget what you said.

Johnny?

No!

I promise you won't die in vain, my child.

May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Forgive me, Ronnie.

For is it not the case that when we
are in the habit of viewing a film...

more than once, assisted by that
technological aide-memoire the video player,

then a remarkable
phenomenon presents itself.

We see...

that what, at first, appeared to be
merely accidental or unrehearsed...

becomes on subsequent viewings an
indelible part of the film's texture.

A distant landscape,

a blurred face in the crowd,

even a banal message on a T-shirt.

So, the largely unrecognized
art of film acting...

depends entirely
on the ability of the actor...

or, indeed, actress...

to make everything about himself...

uh, or herself...

seem equally permanent.

When, thus,

an actor is called upon to smile,

he must try to select
a smile from a collection...

a repertoire... a whole
file of smiles, as it were.

Naive,

rueful,

sly, sarcastic...

and so on.

Anyway, to return to my theme
of "The Death of the Future..."

Don't you think you've
been overdoing it, old chap?

We're not as young
as we used to be, after all.

Maybe you should...
take a break.

Go on a trip.
Do you the world of good.

A trip?

Yes. I-I know you think that traveling
for its own sake is frivolous, but...

I must insist that
you seriously consider it.

This is Giles De'Ath speaking.

If your call is extremely urgent, you may
leave a brief message after I finish speaking.

Good, Lord!
Giles? It's Henry.

You have an answer phone.
Whatever next?

But, um, isn't there a guest house
or something of that nature?

Well, now, there's a motel.
Motel?

Yeah. On the expressway. Oh, no.
That would be out of the question.

The room is quiet?

We take a pride in the secluded
nature of our accommodation.

How long will you be with us?

Uh, at least a week or two.

Are you touring Long Island?

No. No, not really.

Oh, a writer!

From London too.
Oh, my.

Well,

we're charmed to have you,
uh, Mister, uh...

De'Ath.
Well...

Mister, anything you want
to know about Chesterton...

you just ask me.

Hmmm.

Oh...

Good Lord!

You're lookin' very spiffy today.

Sir?

You're looking very spiffy today.
Very attractive.

Oh, thank you.

Has Lou taken your order yet?

I-I must admit I'm... having a little
difficulty understanding the menu.

Get him a cup of coffee.

What would you recommend?

Oh, we do a great cheeseburger.
Oh, I think not.

The best hash browns you ever tasted?

That rather goes without saying.

There you are.
Thank you.

So... you're
from England, huh?

Yes.

You ever bumped into a fellow
by the name of Stan Brighouse?

I believe not.

An attractive man, average-sized hands.

But he had breasts...
like a woman.

Very odd.

He was a nice person, though.
You should look him up.

Anyway, I'm Irv, by the way.

Hence, "Chez d'Irv."
You got it.

Irving Buckmuller at your service.

This area here...
is very attractive.

This is where a person
like you should be staying.

It's secluded?
Oh, you'll love it.

Yeah. Where the odd celebrity
might hide out, no doubt.

Exactly. Exactly.
And you know what?

They all know Irv's.

Everyone of 'em
knows Irv's. Right, Lou?

How you doin'?
Good morning.

- Hey, that's a great tie.
- Thank you.

Hire detective.

Bribe postman.

This is too much!

Yes. Mrs. Abbott, is there any
possibility of your more, uh,

short-term guests not having
rooms next to mine?

Well, yes, I do appreciate that,
but I also value my own privacy.

Yes, indeed.
It is interrupting my work.

Over here you ask for the
cheque and pay with a bill.

Over here you ask for the
cheque and pay with a bill.

In England, you ask for a bill
and pay with a cheque.

Hmm. Is that the truth?
Yes.

No sh*t!

A writer here, from London, England.

Likes words.

Aha!

How you doin' today? Oh,
uh, very well, thank you.

You live around here? No, no.
Well, not yet, at least.

I'm... I'm, uh... looking
at property for sale.

You're movin' to Chesterton?
Well, it's a poss...

- Great wheels, huh?
- Yes.

You know, you'd cover
a lot more ground in a car.

Yes. I suppose I would.
Uh-uh, may I go on my way?

Sure. We just like to know what
strangers are up to, that's all.

- You take care, now.
- Yeah.

You are standing...

too close to this vehicle!

Please move away immediately!

- Thank you.
- Have a nice day!

Hello?
Ah, Mrs. Abbott.

Yes. A typewriter seems
to have appeared in my room.

Oh. How very thoughtful of you.

c*ck? No. I'm afraid not. I
have to be up at the crack of dawn.

Good morning! Hey, how you doin'?
What happened to your foot?

Oh, less t*rture.
You take it easy now.

Hey, Strider.
You go home now.

Strider.

Strider?

I had one once called "Tiffy."
- "Tiffy"? What kind of a...

What is that? Wha... What's that, a p*nsy
name? Come on! Tiffy lived to be 15.

We're not talking about how
long the dog lived. Caesar.

We're talking about names. There
are a lot of Caesars around.

What about "Spot"? Spot! That's the
name that everybody calls a dog... Spot.

What if the dog has no spots?

They all got spots. No.
Sometimes they got patches.

And there's a difference
between a patch and a spot.

Then they call it "Patch" or
"Patchy." Or "Patch"... "Patches."

If he's got stripes, they call
it "Stripey." That's stupid.

Or "Stripes."
Come on.

Why? Do you want a dog, Giles? I
can get you puppies for free.

No, no, no, no, no. I just heard some
rather strange names, that's all.

Uh, is Strider common?

Rider? Striper? Strider?

Strider. Striper? Strider?

Strider.

I never heard of it. Strider?
I never of it.

Oh, sure. Strider, Caesar.
They're all a damned nuisance.

You never knew Tiffy.

Strider?

Strider!

What is it, boy?

It's just a squirrel,
you idiot. Come on. In.

I can't take you
to the supermarket. Jesus.

It's an emergency!
You need a hospital?

Nearest supermarket. Move over,
please. It-It is an emergency!

Hey!
Oh!

I am most dreadfully sorry.
I do hope nothing is broken.

I guess not. We just don't have
things this size in England.

Rather tricky to control. It's okay.
Take it easy.

Oh, haven't...
haven't we met?

I don't think so.

Ah, no. I've seen
your photograph.

Are you a film star? Would you
mind just leaving me alone?

Oh, no, of course! You're
engaged to Abigail's idol.

I could really do without this.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

Uh, my godchild, Abigail, has a
huge crush on this very young...

and, uh, uh, promising American
actor and his name is Ronnie...

Is it, no. Ronnie...
Ronnie Bostock, isn't it?

You made a very handsome couple.

What kind of books do you write?

Oh, I'm hardly a household name over here.

Are you working on one now?

Well, if I'm inspired by the soothing
rustle of the Long Island surf,

as your Walt Whitman put it.

I hope you have a great time.

Are you over for long?
Excuse me?

From Hollywood.
Oh, we live here.

Oh, really?

Ron's in L.A. right now. I just can't
believe he's so big in England.

I never knew that.

It's extremely kind of you.
This isn't Manhattan.

You can't just hail a cab.
Indeed.

You've got a lot of groceries
for someone staying at a motel.

Yes. I've... I've always been rather
vague about domestic arrangements,

but I wanted to find out how Americans
shop, what you eat and so on.

Actually, I can heartily recommend
the cheeseburgers at Chez d'Irv.

God, you've been to that dive?

Well, perhaps you can
recommend somewhere superior.

There are some great seafood places up
the coast, but you gotta drive there.

Well, allow me to take you
out for a spot of lunch.

Oh, I couldn't, really. To
thank you for your kindness.

Uh, I don't think so.

Very impressive. You're both
very talented, my dear. Thanks.

Well, you must give Ronnie tips, no doubt.

Tips?

Well, doesn't he have to do
photographs for the fan magazines?

Oh, photo shoots. Tell me
about it. He hates them.

Oh, seems rather good at it.
Oh, sure. It just...

He thinks you can't be a teen idol
if you're gonna be a serious actor.

Oh, does he?

It's crazy. I mean, most of
the actors I know wait tables.

Why would they do that?

I can't wait to tell him I've
met a famous British writer...

who thinks he's got the look
of a young Olivier, was it?

Uh, a little.
I should be writing this down.

Hey, maybe you could do
a script for him or something.

Well, I don't exactly write
for the youth market, Audrey.

Oh, well, that's great. He's
so sick of playing dumb kids.

Oh...

It's okay, the machine's on. Hi,
we're not home. Leave a message.

Hey, babe. Honey?

Uh, I guess you're out...
again. It's Ron.

You better not be having
a good time without me.

Things are pretty cool here.
I'll talk to you later. Love you.

- I'll call him later.
- Oh, Giles, I forgot.

You can smoke here
if you want. We don't, but...

Giles? Are you okay?

Dear God, this is ridiculous!

It's incredible.
He's seen all your work.

And he says that
you're really big in England!

You'd just love him. He's so
British, you wouldn't believe it.

Screw you! He's old
enough to be my father.

So, Ronnie will be back soon?
Uh-huh.

Do give him my regards. Sure.

Tell him that I will be following
his career with great interest.

Maybe you should tell him.
I'd like him to meet you.

I guess you're busy,
though, with your writing?

Well, yes, I am, but... Oh, I don't
know. We're really busy too.

And he can get kind of shy. I
don't know, maybe he'll call you.

Now get only a...

So, Giles, he may not show it, right,

but he really wants to
hear what you told me...

about his potential.

Oh, really?
Really.

He's been kind of low since he got back.

If you could find some way of
telling him what you think of him,

well, I'd really appreciate it.

Well, what do you know?

It was the cops. They're
keepin' an eye on the place.

One of the neighbors
saw some weirdo hangin' around.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.

Are you guys comin'in or what?
Come on, Strider.

It's nothing really, Giles.

Shakespeare?

Oh, yes, his plays are full of it.

Well, wait a minute.

Are you saying that if
Shakespeare was alive today,

he'd be doin' things like Hotpants College?

All I'm saying, Ronnie,

is that Shakespeare used bawdy humor
to please the mob in the pit.

I never knew that.

Yes, and, of course, he was
able to elevate his material...

beyond such limitations...
as have you.

I'm not talking about good acting as
if it were, say, merely good cooking.

Oh, by the way, the teriyaki
was delicious, Audrey.

Thanks.

I'm talking about a type of acting
that is purely instinctive.

You see, Ronnie, you have something that
gives even the most casual look or gesture...

a real intensity.

Yeah?
Oh, yes.

It came as no surprise to me when I heard
that you'd been rescued at an early age...

from the hell of advertising.

It was obvious to me that some
producer, some astute producer,

had seen what I saw when Abigail
persuaded me to see Hotpants College II.

I got that role because I looked like the
guy who played Mikey in the original.

Yes, but didn't you completely reinvent the
character with a mere string of lines?

Didn't you make Mikey
the focus of the entire story?

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

As for your fate in the pizza parlor,
the plastic tomato and all that, well...

Well, I don't know.
This may sound absurd, but...

No, my point of reference
would be Wallis' painting...

of the tragic young writer Chatterton...

that hangs in the Tate Gallery.

I'd really like to see that.

But, Giles, we've seen Hotpants in theaters
with kids. They don't get any of that.

- Of course not.
- But it's made for them.

But they're the rabble in the pit.

We saw Hotpants at this drive-in
used to be here.

Ron kept his sunglasses on the whole time.

Giles, did you ever see Tex Mex?

Oh, I did indeed, more than once.

Really k*lled me when that one bombed.

Ah, yes, I'm afraid it suffered
the same fate in Europe.

I really believed in that project.
It had...

had a real message.

Yes, it was a great shame really.

In Europe, we have a much
stronger tradition of work...

with what you call a message.

That is, after all, why I've been
persuaded to write my first screenplay.

Yes, if Tex Mex had been, say,

German about the plight
of the exploited Gastarbeiters,

it would have met
with a far greater success.

They have Mexicans in Germany?

It probably would have made
less money than Hotpants,

but in Europe we're not necessarily
interested in that kind of a success,

not when a film can change
the way people think.

And that, Ronnie, is why I write.

It's also why you act,

although you may not yet know it.

You married or somethin'?

I was. My wife died
unexpectedly sometime ago.

Sorry to hear that.

Got any kids?

No, no, my wife was
rather older than myself.

Oh, like me and Aud.

Yes, indeed.

So what's this script about?

Script?

Yeah, you said you were
working on a screenplay.

Oh, yes, that.

Oh, I couldn't subject you
to work in progress.

Why not?

Then, of course, there is the
risk of copyright infringement.

Giles, we're old friends, huh?

- Coffee always takes her forever.
- Indeed.

Hey, Strider.

So what's it about?

Well,

it concerns a young man, Ronnie,

about your age, I suppose.

He's a deaf-mute...

brought up in complete isolation.

His only human contact
is through the television.

So he has been subjected
to rather excessive...

and unrealistic types of behavior.

He never speaks?
Oh, he cannot speak.

Wow.

Oh, yes, I'm determined that the
audience share his subjective state...

rather than merely pity him
because, well, that would be awful.

Yeah, yeah.

So what happens?

Understandably enough, he
yearns to enter the real world.

So he surrenders himself
to the most irrational desire...

known to mankind.

Maybe you can guess what that is?

It is the desire to fall in love, Ronnie.

And since he's been exposed to such a
thing on the television every day,

it becomes his quest, so to speak.

And every tale, whether
it be Richard The Third...

or Hotpants College The Third,
centers upon a quest.

And as in my other work, it will
inevitably end with a sacrifice.

The French, in particular,
seem to like such a thing.

However, I suspect it is
not one for the drive-ins.

Oh, thank you, my dear.

Decaf au lait, no doubt? Uh-huh.

Thanks, babe.

It's brilliant, man.

Oh, I don't think so,
not yet. Please.

No, it is.

I've never heard a story line like that.
I'm totally blown away.

That's very kind of you.

- It's kind of artsy, I guess.
- Oh, dear. Is that bad?

No, no, that's good.

Have you seen Birdy?

Birdy? Birdy, yeah, it's
an Alan Parker film.

I met him once.
He's from England too.

Ah.

That's just a fax.
Probably more rewrites.

Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.

You can smoke, Giles.

You smoke?

Bad habit.
Oh, yes, I know.

We'd never have met if he didn't.

Really?
Why is that?

Giles chose to stay in Chesterton
because he smokes Chestertons.

Cool.
Giles?

You know what you were saying
about being a writer...

and wanting new experiences and all?

I don't know. Maybe it's
not such a good idea.

Come on. Tell us, babe.

Well, I was just thinking. I have
a sh**t in the city tomorrow...

and I just thought maybe
you'd like to come.

They're so boring.
Not necessarily.

Not if you haven't been on one.
I'm not comin'.

I'm not inviting you.

They're totally boring.
Wouldn't I be in the way?

I'd love you to come. I'm sure
you'd get some great ideas.

I got a better idea. Why don't
I show you the Hamptons?

You don't like the Hamptons.

I do off-season.
What do ya say?

It's such a choice.

One couldn't do both?

No way.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

If the weather's okay,
we'll go to the coast.

If it's rainy, you go into the
city with the supermodel here.

Well, that does sound fair.

Okay, babe?

LaRue digs it out in the corner...

So things look good for Washington
and Baltimore tomorrow.

It's a different story in New York. Look
at those clouds gobbling up Manhattan.

They're sure to bring rain
tomorrow and plenty of it.

Over in Long Island, it's gonna be even worse
with both coasts pulling in that low pressure.

Can we have your autograph?

Here. Try these on.

Oh, no, no, no. Go ahead. Put 'em on.
It's bright out there.

Very nice.
Very nice indeed.

"Hey, dude, how's it hanging?"

"It's cool."

"Hey, man, I'm real sorry about
your mother. Life's a b*tch, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess.

You know somethin', Brad? I wish I could
have made things easier for her."

"Yeah?"
"Yeah.

"It seemed like she was
always workin' and stuff.

Never really got
a chance to know her."

"Hey, man, don't
grief out on me."

"Sorry, man.

Just feelin' a bit lonesome,
you know?"

"Hey, you're a college boy now. All those
babes don't want to see you lonesome."

"Sure, like
I'm Mr. Popular."

"Well, I'm going to make you
Mr. Popular,

and that's a promise."

Mmm!

A poignant little scene.

It sets up the whole story line.

I go to college. All the college
girls try to mother me.

But I fall in love with a teacher whose husband
turns out to be a grand wizard in the KKK.

Uh, something of a message there?

It's the usual stuff.

Tell me, do you get a chance to
deliver a eulogy to your mother?

No, no, no way. It would
hold up the action.

- You're allowed to improvise?
- Thanks, babe.

They get pretty nervous about that.

Hmph.

What's the point?

Where you been hidin'yourself?

I was talking to
our neighbor. Is that okay?

Is this one of those telephones
that doesn't have to be plugged in?

Quite remarkable, isn't it?

Hey, I have a great idea.

Giles, why don't you call
your godchild in England?

I'm sorry?
Abigail, wasn't it?

You could call her and tell her you're
sitting here with Ronnie Bostock.

Ron could say hi to her.
I know she'd just die.

Well, I'm afraid... I'm afraid it's
the middle of the night in England.

They're only five hours ahead.

You know what, Aud?

That's about the stupidest idea I ever
heard. What am I supposed to say to the kid?

Huh? I'm sorry, Giles. Oh.

Jesus!

"Ronnie. Brackets.
At his mother's grave.

"End of brackets.

"I'd like to say a few words
by Walt Whitman,

if that's okay with everyone."

I'd like to say a few words by Walt
Whitman, if that's okay with everyone.

"The untold want...

"by life and land never granted.

Now, voyager, sail thou forth
to seek and find."

Let's go. Bring him home.
Bring him home.

I suspect you're going to have
to explain the rules to me.

Okay, you gotta hit the ball and
run around the bases to home.

Hence, baseball.

Hmm, rather like circular cricket.

I guess.

Is there something wrong, Audrey?

We're going to see my folks
tomorrow up in Vermont.

Vermont?
For a week.

For a week?
Before Ron has to go back.

That's a strike, Giles.

To, uh, Los Angeles?

Right.

Ronnie never mentioned this.
He doesn't know yet.

You understand that we still have a
lot of work to do on the script.

That's too bad.
I guess he'll get by.

Strike!
That's a strike, too, Giles.

Audrey, surely it is as clear
to you as it is to me...

that he deserves a great
deal more than "getting by."

He'll do it this time.
He never gets struck out.

Watch this, Giles. It's gonna be a
good one. The bases are loaded.

You realize this is...

a very crucial moment in his life.

God, you're good.

All right!

That's a home run, Giles.

Ronnie.

So...

this is your last day in Long Island.

Or, should one say, on Long Island?

Yeah, Aud's gettin' kind of itchy, so...

I'm also leaving Long Island soon.
Really?

We should hook up in Europe sometime.

I'd like that.

Ronnie, I'd like that very much.

Of course, you must honor
your obligations to Audrey.

It strikes me that you're very young
to be making such a commitment,

especially with your career
at this crucial stage.

Yeah, well, a guy's got to know when
he's on to a good thing, right?

It was like that for you, wasn't it?

Uh, well, I suppose so, yes.

It's a birthmark.

They cover it up for
sh**ting, but I like it.

You know, I always thought
it was on the right.

How do you mean?

Ronnie, I have a confession to make to you.

I've been waiting for you
for quite some time.

Oh, sh*t, Giles, I'm sorry.
I had to drop Aud...

Several years, in fact.

What?

Ronnie, there is nothing more
solitary than an artist's life.

No doubt you'll find that out for yourself.

Painfully, perhaps.

One yearns for solace without quite
knowing where to look for it.

But I found it in you.

Oh...

That's great.

Ronnie, I have another confession to make.

I brought you here not to say good-bye,

but to make you an offer.

An offer?

I am prepared to devote myself
to your career.

Wow, Giles, I, uh...

I'm honored.
I don't know what to say.

You got to come out west. We can
start to work on something.

No, Ronnie, forget Los Angeles.
Put it behind you.

Your future lies in Europe.

Giles, I gotta take things
one step at a time.

Aud would love to go back
to Europe and do more work.

It would be cool to spend
time there... "Cool"?

I'm talking about
a turning point in your life.

But I've got no contacts there.
People know me here.

As what?

Ronnie, as what?

Look, um,

we'll keep in touch, huh?

Listen to me, Ronnie.

In Europe, it is often the case that a...

a young man benefits from the...

the wisdom and the experience of an elder.

Why, there's almost a tradition
of such friendships.

Cocteau and Radiguet.

Uh, Verlaine, Rimbaud.

Rambo?

Arthur Rimbaud, French poet.

He...

He was Paul Verlaine's lover.

Look, Giles, uh, I really gotta go.
I gotta pick up Aud.

I don't want her to be...
Now, listen.

I understand your misgivings,

and I respect the fact
that your immediate plans...

are founded on these temporary attachments.

"Temporary attachments"?

Well, Ronnie,
your relationship with Audrey...

is hardly likely to last forever.

And why is that?

Well, it... I'm afraid
it's obvious to me.

What exactly are you tryin' to say, Giles?

Ronnie, please.
Look, Giles.

I would like to believe all the
things you said about my career,

but you got things all wrong.
Ronnie.

Ronnie, listen to me.
You don't understand.

Giles, I think I do understand,
and I have to go now.

How can you act like this...

when you know...

You must know how completely,

how desperately...

I love you.

Dear God,

what have I done?

Back where he should be
in the lineup tonight.

His batting average is .395,
just what it should be.

Now the question is, how many
hits is he gonna get tonight?

How ya doin'?

I wonder if you could do me a great
favor and add this to your deliveries?

I don't know if I can do that, sir.

It's a federal offense.
Surely...

I'm sorry, sir.

My dear Ronnie, it is
so difficult to know...

where I should begin, especially when,

unlike you, I already know the ending.

But let us say that this story
began with the end of another,

far, far from the surf of Long Island.

Tell me, when one sends a fax,

uh, is it possible for it to be reversed?

How do you mean, sir?

Well, can it be got back?

I don't know about that.

I imagine not.

You wanna turn back?

Oh, I think it's rather late for that.

You sure?
Quite sure, thank you.

Hey!

Well, Ronnie, there it is,

the end of our story.

And also the beginning
of a new story for me,

but perhaps you've worked
that out for yourself.

But what of you, my darling?

For no one on Earth
knows you better than I do.

And if you've read thus far,

I know you'll never bring yourself
to destroy this letter...

nor will you ever show it to anyone else.

And it will gradually dawn on you that your
life might have taken a very different course...

had you simply been able
to open your heart to another.

And you'll often return to this letter.

You'll read it again and again
in the years to come...

until you no longer have to read
what you'll know by heart.

And you'll cherish it
as a source of pride...

in the face of an uncaring world.

I'd like to say a few words by Walt
Whitman, if that's okay with everyone.

"Now finale to the shore.

"Now land and life, finale and farewell.

"The untold want by life
and land never granted.

"Now, voyager, sail thou forth...

to seek and find."