I can't believe it. I'm married
six years and I'm still happy.
You're lucky. I think
Louise is cheating on me.
We're not cheating.
We're just good friends.
- Look, he's worried.
- He's joking!
Wait a minute.
Pull the cab over.
- This ain't the address.
- Be quiet!
Sammy! Tony!
Who's that singing?
- Sounds like Vicki.
- That is Vicki.
We'll get off here, cabbie.
George, pay the man.
- What!
- $1.80.
$ 1.80?
Your meter broken?
Fellas.
- It's her.
- Would you look at that?
It's her.
Here in your arms
I'm wealthy tonight
When youth has its fling
Love is the thing
While lovers fight for power
We can...
Walk among the flowers
They were the unhappiest
couple I ever knew.
And the happiest.
I thought the third time
they would have made it.
Love for you and me
Vicki and Charley.
Now there's a story.
I never told you this?
I'm sure I told you.
I'm gonna tell you the story,
and you're gonna think I'm making it up.
But I swear this is
exactly how it happened.
It all started on a warm
June night, 1948.
My friend, Charley Pearl, had
just announced his engagement...
to the daughter of the most
important producer in Hollywood.
Now, for a struggling
comic like myself...
this was a rare chance to get into
a big-time Hollywood mansion...
for which I otherwise
would've had no chance at all.
For Charley it was the beginning
of the biggest roller coaster ride...
in the history
of modern romance.
Adele Horner was
a new type dame for Charley.
She had class, education.
Nice girl.
You're the only woman
in the world for me, Adele.
In the whole world?
In as many worlds as they got.
But me and the guys couldn't get
over Charley getting married.
Here he is,
a good-looking guy...
with millions coming in from
the family toothpaste business.
To small-time
bachelors like us...
Charley Pearl was a god.
Five feet from
where we're sitting...
there are three directors
I would sell my mother to meet.
- You sold your mother last year.
- They returned her.
Don't ever be funnier
than me, sweetheart.
He's not in love with her.
I'll tell you that.
How do you know?
Well, he might love her.
But he's not hot for her.
So the hors d'oeuvres are hot.
Isn't that enough?
Why's he marrying her?
It's not as ifhe needs money.
She doesn't need his,
so I trust her.
For Charley that's
a hard thing to find.
Charley, let's not get
married unless it's forever.
I'm spoiled rotten.
And I wouldn't know how
to handle disappointment.
Every woman
I have ever been with...
has made her living
from disappointments.
I need somebody good and
solid to keep me in check.
I'll hold you to that, Charley.
I'll never let you out
of my sight.
Bite my mouth.
Go on.
Bite it hard.
No, Charley.
I don't want to hurt you.
You don't get it, Adele.
I like it when it hurts.
Ahem.
I'm sorry to intrude.
But your father...
would like a few moments
with Mr. Pearl.
Don't look so worried.
He already said yes.
He's been known
to change his mind.
It's too late.
I already made up mine.
Sit down, Charley.
Thank you, sir.
- Cigar?
- No, thank you.
- Brandy?
- Not for me.
Is it true you don't
smoke or drink?
Stains the teeth.
That's what my father taught me.
Makes you look impressive.
That's what my father taught me.
No vices at all, Charley?
Oh sure. All the ones
that don't stain the teeth.
Well, you got nice teeth.
How would you
characterize yourself?
As a playboy?
I prefer the word
"sportsman."
You don't give a damn
about impressing me...
- do you, Charley?
- I'm trying like hell to make
a good impression on you.
But you know
everything about me.
I spotted those two
private detectives...
you've had tailing me
for the last month.
Sure I play the horses,
bet on football, baseball...
anything that moves or rolls.
I've been out with every starlet
from Paramount to Warner Brothers...
and I've had
a dandy time doing it.
But, that was
before I met Adele.
Is it having 30 million dollars
that makes you so c*ck?
No, I don't think I'm c*ck.
A little stupid, sometimes.
No, I don't think you are.
Fact is, I don't know
what the hell you are.
Why did you pick Adele?
There's a thousand better
looking women you could have
by just snapping your finger.
I don't think you appreciate
your own daughter's qualities.
She's got style.
She's got class.
Adele is a thoroughbred.
That's something I know about.
We're not trading
horses here, Charley.
We're talking about my one
and only daughter, Adele.
Now what is it you really want?
To produce movies?
Produce movies?
No, I'd miss too
many ball games.
We've talked about
everything except hard work.
Exactly how much schooling
have you had?
I went to a few Harvard
and Yale football games.
Look, let's face it.
I'm not ambitious.
I don't have to be.
You know, my mother walked
out on us when I was three.
Never saw her again.
So my old man
gave me everything...
except the mother
I didn't have.
I love that old guy.
I'm gonna pay him back...
by settling down.
My father made me rich.
Now I want to make him happy.
You're good, Charley.
You use charm...
like a dealer uses
a fresh deck.
There isn't an
ambitious writer...
actor or director out there...
who wouldn't sell
his soul to marry Adele.
But you present
a problem to me...
because you're lazy
and you're independent.
How am I going to
control you, Charley?
You can't.
But Adele, she can
make me do handstands.
There are two things in this
world that matter to me.
My daughter and my studio.
You hurt my studio
and I k*ll you.
You hurt my daughter...
and you'll pray
for me to k*ll you.
Don't give it a thought, sir.
I'm not a praying man.
Okay, two days later
we were headed for what was then...
just a little dusty town
called Las Vegas.
We were throwing Charley
a bachelor party.
A three-day orgy at the
Pick-A-Daisy Ranch...
where all the Daisys
wore D-cups.
"She loves me, she loves me not"
was the house game.
By the time Charley
went on his honeymoon...
we'd have Adele carrying
him across the threshold.
Did I tell you clowns Esther
Williams likes one of my songs?
Hey, that's terrific!
- MGM wants her to sing it
in her next picture.
- Where, underwater?
Shut up, you.
What song?
D Haven't we met before
Haven't we met before dd
Wait a minute. That's my song.
You promised that to me.
So now I promised MGM.
Since when does friendship
come before career?
You little sh*t. In two years
I'll be MGM's hottest star.
Esther Williams will do a
backstroke in my bathtub to
get me in one ofher pictures.
And you will kiss my a*s
before I do one of your songs.
I'll kiss it now.
I'm not proud. Bend over.
You can't do no Esther Williams
picture. You can't swim.
- How do you know?
- You never go near the water
because you wear the toupee.
I wear a toupee, you f*ck?
You know, I love this guy.
- He manages the worst
baseball team in the minors.
- I'm sorry?
Finishes last
three years in a row.
- Four!
- Four years in a row!
Now he knows everything
about show business.
I know umpires making
- better rugs on their heads.
- Mr. Pineapple Head.
- Pineapple head?
- Can I say something, George?
You're very boring.
You want to hang out with us,
get snappier dialogue.
I don't hear Charley coming
up with any snappier dialogue.
- That's different. Charley's rich.
- Hey, hey!
I don't mind if Charley bores us.
Is this fun?
Is this the best time
you ever had in your life?
Going to Vegas with three-and-a-half
funny guys who treat you like an equal.
We pretend that we
enjoy your company.
Why do we treat you...
like an equal?
- Because I pay for everything.
- Exactly.!
You see. The first thing
he grabs is his hair.
I always do this.
Hey, buddy.
- How long's it going to take?
- You want it fast or
do you want it to last?
I'll write the lyrics.
Just fix the tire.
Adele, we have a bad connection.
I miss you too, honey.
I still say
he's not hot for her.
About 40 miles outside of Vegas.
I'm going to drop these guys
off and head back tonight.
I just miss you too much.
What did he say? Birds were chirping.
I couldn't hear that.
I love you.
Bye, honey.
He's joking, that's what it is.
He's joking. Charley.
Don't tell jokes. You're not funny.
We're funny, not you.
It's no joke.
I'm going back.
Aw, Charley!
I'll take you there.
I'll pay for the weekend.
- I'm going back to L.A. Tonight.
- Charley.
- I miss her, guys.
- Tell him what he's missing.
On my mother's life,
these are not women, they're goddesses.
- Am I lying, Sammy?
- Goddesses, Charley.
Any of them could marry a prince
or a duke if they could get to Europe.
Big women, six-two, six-three.
There were 12 of them.
It's like a mountain of t*ts.
Hey, the tire, the tire!
You guys don't get it.
I'm getting married in six days.
I'm tired of screwing around. That's
all I've been doing my whole life.
Can I ask you a question?
Are you hot for Adele?
I just got finished telling you,
I'm nuts for her.
We're not talking about nuts.
Nuts is a different topic.
We are now talking about hot.
- Hot!
- Different than nuts.
I've had hot before.
Hot always got me into trouble.
Hot always cost me a bundle
of dough and a kick in the a*s.
- I want a woman I can depend on.
- Why can't you have both?
Because you can't.
You ever hear of crimes of passion?
A hot woman
screws up your mind.
Guy sees the woman
he's in love with...
in bed with another guy,
he writes her off.
- He catches some guy screwing
the woman he's hot for...
She's done!
We did talk Charley
into stopping for a few drinks...
figuring we could persuade him
tojoin us at the Pick-A-Daisy.
You can lead
a man in love to water...
but you gotta drag him
to horse around.
Dd
Feeling lucky.!
Feeling lucky.!
Watch your hands.!
Keep your hands back.!
He's on the phone again.
We should have k*lled
this romance when it started.
A man in love is a man
who dumps his friends.
I'm going to miss Charley.
Fellas, I have found
the one girl in a million.
You ask me if I'm hot for her,
I'm better than hot.
I am crazy, nuts,
absolutely insane for her.
That's great. Maybe one day
you'll be hot for her, too.
And now here's a young lady
I know you're going to enjoy.
Adele wants to put
my picture on the ceiling...
so it's the first thing
she sees in the morning.
I wish we didn't have
to wait six day...
Birds do it
Bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it
Let's fall in love
Sometimes it's good to wait.
- Who is that?
- For example.
Let's do it Let's do it
Who is she, Sammy?
Must be a new kid.
Never saw her before.
The Dutch in
old Amsterdam do it
Not to mention the Finns
Folks in Siam do it
Think of Siamese twins
dSome Argentines...
Nice body.
Right, Charley?
She's um...
She's got, um...
Good phrasing.
- Her phrasing, it's good.
- First thing I noticed
when she came out.
Let's hear her phrase
a little more.
One more song?
One song, one encore,
one reprise. That's it.
Electric eels
I might add, do it
Although it shocks them
I know
Why ask if shad do it
Oh waiter bring me shad roe
dln shallow shoal
English soles do it
Goldfish in the privacy
of bowls do it
Let's do it
Let's fall...
In love
Come on, baby
There's not much to it
Just come along with me boy
And get right down to it
Let's fall...
In love
Let's just do it
Let's just do it
Love'll come later
Feels so good
Yeah
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Vicki Anderson.
I gotta get going.
Charley, where's your manners?
Tell the lady how much
you appreciate her phrasing.
m*rder, he says d
Sammy, ask if the lady will join
some admirers for a drink.
- Phil...
- She'd get a kick out of meeting you.
- Okay, Sam?
- Can do.
If the man says
"can do," can do!
Is that the
language of love
ls there something he said
Takes me in his arms
is there something he said
The meaning ofhis charms
is there something he said
ls that the language oflove
No good. Bad idea.
No can do.
What do you mean?
She won't have a drink with us?
- She's seeing a guy. She's spoke for.
- Let me talk to her.
- Leave it to me.
- Forget it!
She's Bugsy Siegel's girl.
- That name was not mentioned.
- Let's go.
What's wrong with asking her
to have one drink?
Nothin'. So they'll bury
us all in the same box.
Pay the check.
Leave a very big tip.
- I just want to say hello.
- Without a tongue?
They don't call Bugsy "Bugsy"
'cause he's friendly.
- Grab his arms.
- Come on.
Don't look back.
They got cameras in the ceiling.
You don't think that girl
has something special?
You're just nervous. Suddenly,
any gorgeous girl looks good.
You don't think
that girl is beautiful?
I thought she was
a little common.
Adele is pretty.
This girl...
... Will bring on
nobody's m*rder but his own
Hard to say.
Charley, you gotta
come with us.
- We need you for the group discount.
- Get in the car.
It's too late to
make it back to L.A.
Give the girls
at the ranch a break.
- I want to get back to Adele.
- Charley!
- Bust a couple of broncos for me.
- See ya at the altar.
Can you spot me a twenty?
You're a lucky man to have
a real lady waiting for you.
Poor slobs like us...
we've got to k*ll three days
humping 12 crazy amazons!
See ya later, Charley.
- It's only a dime to change your mind.
- Knock 'em dead.
- We miss you already. Come on.
- We'll mail you the bill.
He said get in the groove
dHe said keep on the move
- He says m*rder d
- m*rder!
- m*rder!
- m*rder!
m*rder, m*rder, m*rder
that's what he said
Is that clock right?
Guess so.
You're the first one in Vegas
who ever asked me the time.
Another
two-cents-plain?
Sure.
Why not?
How ya doin', Charley?
Well, I'm doin'
just fine, thanks.
Lady's talkin' to me, chief.
Oh, oh!
My name is Charley, too.
Honest.
I saw your show.
All three shows,
as a matter of fact.
- You're very good.
- The lady likes to drink alone.
Why don't you show her
a little professional courtesy, Charley?
I'm not trying to pick you up.
I'm getting married in six days.
I couldn't be happier for you.
Do we have any peanuts?
Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Yes, sir...
finally gonna tie the old knot.
Never thought it
would happen to me.
I'm up here on
a bachelor party.
Quiet party.
I left early. Me and the guys,
we really went wild.
I was going to drive back
to L.A., but I decided...
to stay and see your last show.
Is there an album of yours
that I could buy?
Because if there isn't, then
somebody better open their eyes...
because I think you have
one hell of a future.
- You in show business?
- No, toothpaste.
No wonder you smile so much.
My name's Pearl...
Charley Pearl.
Gus, got a talker down here.
I'm in the columns
now and then.
Really?
Selling toothpaste?
I race cars, speedboats...
play a little polo.
You like polo?
I would have thought a guy
getting married in six days...
would behave himself.
- Am I out of line?
- Your foot's on the edge, pal.
Excuse me.
This section just closed.
Move to the other end of the bar,
we'd be glad to pick up your tab.
- Have I offended someone?
- I don't own this hotel.
See, no one's complaining.
Look, I asked you nice once.
Second time gets ugly.
He's harmless, Gus.
He's getting married
in six days.
I just want to make sure
the guy shows up.
You got two minutes
to finish your drink.
Then you run out of'em.
Those guys must think
you're pretty important.
- My fan club.
- Listen...
I know some influential
people in your business.
Is there any way
they could sort of...
- get in contact with you?
- Nope.
Don't go yet.
Don't touch, Charley.
Those guys know how
to turn wives into widows.
I mean it when
I say you're good.
You should be making records,
playing big clubs.
You should be in the movies.
Charley, I'm gonna save your life.
Do you know who I am?
Yeah, Bugsy Siegel's
girlfriend.
If they hear you call him Bugsy,
they'll turn you...
into a roulette wheel.
I'm not brave
and I'm not stupid.
I've got 30 seconds
to finish my drink...
before they show me the door.
Is there any way I could
see you later on tonight?
Sure, if you don't mind
looking up from a grave.
Just tell me where to go.
Charley Pearl!
The toothpaste king!
Why do you want to die if
you're worth 40 million bucks?
and I don't want to die.
I just want to
see you later on.
Why?
Some things are worth
risking your life for.
You have five seconds
to make up your mind.
No. What is
wrong with me?
They'll k*ll us both
ifhe catches us.
Makes life interesting,
doesn't it?
Five Yucca Ridge Road.
Don't come if
the porch light is on.
I'll leave the side window open.
I must be crazy.!
I've had enough.
I loved the show.
Next time, I'll bring
the wife and kids.
I know the way out.
Jesus, the creeps
they let in this joint!
Now, Charley's brain
knew that what he was doin'...
was dumb and dangerous.
The problem was, his brain
was no longer drivin'the bus.
Charley was about to break
the two golden rules:
One, never fool around
with a gangster's girl.
And two, never fool around
with a gangster's girl.
Where are you?
Pulling down the shade
would be a smart move.
Right.
Hi.
Okay, so you're here.
What do you want?
I thought maybe we'd talk.
About what?
I mean... what do
you mean, about what?
I'm risking a b*llet in my head
to come see you.
I got the impression that
you want to see me, too.
So, what do you want to do?
Well, a drink would be nice.
Soft music maybe.
About my career.
Oh.
Well, uh, I meant what I said.
I could introduce you
to some influential people.
More important
than Benny Siegel?
Well...
without those two gorillas,
Benny Siegel...
isn't anymore important than...
the doorman.
Doormen open doors, Charley.
Judging from your looks
and this bungalow...
I think he had something
else in mind, don't you?
And I suppose you don't.
He gave you this job.
But I don't think...
he's really going to
push your career.
Whereas I am prepared
to pick up this phone...
and get you an appointment
with Decca Records.
Why would you do that for me?
Why did you
leave the window open?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Besides, Benny's gettin'
ready to dump me.
That's what he went
to pick up in Chicago.
Look, I gotta tell you this.
I couldn't take my eyes
off you in that club.
When I was sitting
next to you...
I had to fight to keep
my hands off you.
You know, sometimes
something strange...
something special happens
between a man and woman.
She may not be right for him,
or he for her, but...
it happens anyway.
And there's not a damn thing
either one can do about it.
Are you laughing at me?
Yeah.
But don't go away.
On the other hand, Adele...
the woman I'm suppose
to be married to...
she is the absolute
right woman for me.
Lucky Adele.
Except I don't wanna...
devour every inch
of her flesh...
the way I want to do right now.
- Know what I'm talking about?
- Shut up, Charley.
Oh, you smell so good.
It's Benny.
I've got to answer it.
Forget about him.
You gotta let me up.
He'll k*ll us both
if I don't answer.
Hello.
Hello?
Benny, hi!
No, I was just working
out on the floor.
I just...
I know you'll be home
in a few days, and I...
just wanted to
get in shape for you.
Me, too, babe.
Oh, with my heart.
Okay, sure.
Bye.
- He has somebody new, all right.
- Forget about him.
She was workin' out
on the floor.
What did this guy look like?
Pretty, flashy smile.
A country club shithead.
This is very
disappointin' to me.
You know what I mean?
Ooo. You're an animal.
You leave some pretty good
teeth marks, yourself.
That girl you're marrying?
What's her name?
Um...
Adele!
Tell her she's going to have a short,
but happy, life.
I once swung at a golf ball
and thought I missed it...
until I look up and I see
it climbing in the sky...
two hundred yards away,
still climbing.
And then it drops...
on the green
two inches from the pin.
That is the only time
I've ever felt...
anything perfect
in my whole life...
until right now.
That's the first time
I ever felt like a golf ball.
I've gotta see you again.
We've gotta work it out.
That's not my problem, Charley.
Ah!
You'll have to take
that up with Bugsy.
That's the first time
you've ever called me Bugsy.
- Oh, my God.
- Um...
- Well...
- This is bad. This is so bad.
I couldn't see much,
but it didn't sound good.
- Benny, listen to me.
- Call me Bugsy.
Benny'd be an insult to me now.
Mr. Siegel,
this is all my fault.
She turned me down at the bar.
I followed her car out here
and broke into this room.
I forced her, I swear to God.
You know, I believe
this to be true...
'cause Vicki would never
do such a thing, not to me.
And so you won, huh?
Gee...
you must've ripped
her clothes right off.
You dragged her
into this bed, right?
- Right.
- I bet she kicked and screamed.
She must have begged you!
And you said what?
You said, "Shut up, baby,
'cause I'm takin' what I want."
Right. That's exactly what I said.
Is that right, sweetheart?
Is that the way he did it?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
I mean...
No, I'm... I'm so scared
I don't know what to say.
Gee, this is some ordeal.
You know what I don't get?
- What's your name?
- Charley.
What I don't get is why?
You knew she was my girl.
You knew what would happen
if you got caught.
And you were that hot to trot?
You were that hot
to get into her pants?
That what?
Charley!
Well, I, uh...
I, uh...
I must've been drunk...
too much celebrating.
I was out here on
my bachelor party.
Right. I heard that.
Gettin' married, huh?
That's nice.
- Congratulations, Charley.
- Thank you.
You must be as embarrassed
about this as I am, right?
Yes, this...
this is embarrassing.
All right.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't you
both get dressed...
'cause I think we have to talk.
Let's get an ice cream soda
somewhere, shall we?
Hmm.
What'd you say your old man
would pay for you, Charley?
Pay for me?
- You mean, as in ransom?
- Naw.
This ain't no kidnap.
This is a probable cement job.
Couple of million, you think?
I would like to avoid
involving my father.
- He's very old, very sick.
- I see.
But I'll give you
whatever I have.
Then you're gonna pay
for Vicki, too?
You two going Dutch?
- Come on.
- Benny, I'm sorry.
- I really am sorry.
- Oh, h*-h*.
Hey, baby, level with me.
Is he really an animal
like you said?
Well, uh, that was
just something to say.
- I mean...
- Ha, ha, ha!
What's so funny, Charley?
- Oh, no.
- I'm so scared!
I mean, I'm really...
I'm really scared.
I don't think I've ever
been this scared...
in my whole life.
That's good.
You just relax, buddy.
'Cause you'll stop
laughing real quick.
Wake up.
Mr. Siegel has
a job for you.
- Where are we?
- My problem is this.
Vicki was on
her way out anyway.
She was a good kid.
And I always figured
I'd set her up...
a little business somewhere,
a few bucks in her account.
Two years with Benny,
huh, baby?
Entitles you to a little
security, don't you think?
I'll make out, I swear.
On the other hand,
if a guy screws my girl...
he's gotta pay for her.
So why not pay both
bills at the same time?
Come here.
You marry her, Charley.
That takes care ofher security.
And she marries you.
Then I f*cked up your life,
'cause she's no damn good.
Everybody gets something this way, see?
That's how I've run the biggest
hotel in Las Vegas, Charley.
Bobby, you want to hit it?
You gotta be kidding me.
I can't marry her.
I'm marrying somebody else.
I know, the Hollywood
big shot's daughter.
After he reads
the morning papers...
he's gonna cancel the caterers.
Vicki, come on.
Take the arm of your animal.
Come on.
- Step up to the altar.
- This is crazy!
This is what?
- It's not that.
We don't have a wedding license.
- No.
It's okay.
I own the chapel.
- We don't have a ring.
- No, we don't.
Ah!
Uh, uh...
- What?
- Can I see your hand?
Anything here with your size?
- Try this one.
- That doesn't fit. I can tell by...
- Give me that one back.
- That's not the one.
- I've got it on my finger.
- That's mine.
- That's the one I give you.
- This one isn't right.
We're just workin' out
the ring thing.
Got it.
Do you,
Victoria Rosemary Anderson...
take Charles for your
lawful wedded husband?
I'm sorry,
we can't hear in the back.
Speak up, dear.
Uh, she did.
And do you,
Charles Raymond Pearl...
take Victoria to be your
lawfully wedded wife...
for as long as you
both shall live?
It... It's not
that you're, uh...
I really think
that you're, uh...
The thing is, that...
Yeah, I do.
- Did you hear that?
- Perfectly.
With the power vested in me...
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Hey, no kiss?
Where's the kiss?
We've seen the other stuff.
We want to see a little kiss.
D
Rush it. I want to make
that early edition.
No problem.
You know what, Charley?
I got a feeling one day
you're gonna wish...
we gave you that cement job.
I just said to the guys yesterday...
"Hot always gets you
into trouble."
When you're hot, you can bet
it's gonna screw up your life.
I didn't r*pe you.
I just left
the window open a little.
It's too bad you don't have
the ba*ls you had last night.
Did I blame you?
It's my mistake.
- I'm the one that made the first move.
- Gee, thanks.
Are you always gonna be...
this cheerful in the morning?
What mornings? This is
the first morning and the last.
What I said last night
was the truth.
It was the greatest
experience of my life.
I want you. I just don't
want to be married to you.
I cannot believe
that I'm driving around...
in a brand-new
Packard convertible...
married to a man worth millions,
and I want to throw up!
I was the only one having
a good time last night?
- Maybe.
- Do you always moan, scream...
and drive your fingernails into
somebody you're bored with?
No, I really had
a terrific time last night.
It's just that I haven't
been happy since we got married.
We'll get it annulled as
soon as we get back to L.A.
Fast enough for you, lover boy?
No, we can do it quicker.
I have a lawyer in Palm Springs.
We'll be there in 20 minutes.
Fine. Does breakfast
go with that?
Look, I'll make good.
I'll come up with a settlement.
whatever you want.
Don't treat me like
a bimbo, Charley.
It's my wedding day.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...
I'm really sorry.
Oh, sh*t!
Wow!
I've never been on
the front page before.
Could I have a few
to send to my family?
"Heir forsakes studio princess
for lounge singer."
Those'll do.
I wonder what it would cost
to buy every copy in L.A.?
If she loves you,
she'll wait for you.
Her father's probably
waiting for me, too.
I wish I was dead.
Thanks.
Hey.!
- You coming?
- I don't think so.
Where are you gonna go?
You don't have any money,
a car, any clothes.
Come on.
I'll set you up in L.A.
You know,
you guys are all alike.
There are two things
I'm gonna do from now on...
I'm gonna earn my own living...
and I'm gonna
keep my window shut.
So long, Charley.
Three months!
You want Adele Horner
to wait three months...
until you get annulled from
some cheap, blonde bombshell...
bimbo c*ck waitress?
She's not a c*ck waitress.
She sings with a band.
I've been trying to tell you...
we did not get married
of our own free will!
We were kidnapped and forced
to get married at gunpoint.
At gunpoint?
What is that, a new crime wave?
They grab people on the street
and make them get married?
I warned you about him,
didn't I?
Nobody gets forced to get married
at gunpoint except hillbillies.
And you're no hillbilly, you pervert
polo-playing g*dd*mn playboy!
- Do I look stupid?
Do I look like a schmuck?
- No, sir.
Bugsy Siegel may be crazy.
But stupid, he's not.
Those people out there
k*ll for power, money!
But this thing
he did for revenge.
For talking to his ex-girlfriend
he might break your legs.
- You got broken legs, Charley?
- No, sir.
What else did you do
besides talk to her?
The rest of the story
contains certain...
indelicacies which are
best discussed among men.
Indelicacies?
We sent out 400
wedding invitations!
The governor and both senators
are flying in from Washington!
On this morning's front page
of the Los Angeles Globe...
is a picture of you...
Bugsy Siegel,
and the bimbo getting married...
in some Las Vegas
quickie wedding chapel.
On page 12 is the announcement
of the engagement...
of my daughter
to the same man...
whose f*cking picture
is on page one.
And you want to talk
about indelicacies!
I can see you don't want
to hear my side of the story.
They're laughing at me
at every studio in town.
I make family pictures!
Families bring their kids.
Children sing songs,
and buy toy bunny rabbits...
and ducks that go
"quack" in my pictures.
I'll break your a*s,
you f*cking little shithead.
Get out of my house
before I kick you out.
- I'm sorry, Adele.
- Don't talk to him.
- You'll never forgive me.
- She doesn't forgive you.!
- I'd like to explain it.
- Get the f*ck out of here!
I'm not going to give up,
because I'm in love with you!
Mr. Horner,
we'll talk.
You'd better start
eating at home...
'cause you won't get into
a restaurant in this city.
You won't get a table,
a chair, a plate...
a piece of lettuce
that dropped off the tray!
You're through in this town.
You're a dead man.
In tomorrow's obituaries,
I'm puttin' in...
"Died today,
Charles Raymond Pearl.
"Cause of death...
a f*cking flaw
in his f*cking character."
Dl just want to swing with you
- d Swing with you d
- Take that down.
Charley.
This thing...
it'll pass.
Maybe not in our lifetime,
but it'll pass.
The guy's not eating.
- You gotta eat, Charley.
- I'm not hungry.
He's not hungry.
You gotta get
out more, Charley.
You can't stay cooped up
on the patio...
Iooking out at the same
panoramic view every night.
Forget it.
No woman is worth starving for.
- Just another broad.
- Adele Horner is no broad.
Thought you were
thinking of Vicki.
Have you heard from her?
- Vicki?
- No, Adele.
They won't put
my calls through.
I hear she's in San Diego.
- Adele?
- No, Vicki.
She's singing in some joint.
I just can't get that woman
out of my mind.
Which one?
Excuse me,
Mr. Charley.
There's a lady here to see you.
Even money, it's Adele.
I'll take a C-note
on the songbird.
You got my letter?
I hate you so much...
because I'm still
in love with you...
partly because you're so bad...
and partly because
you're so honest.
I don't know another man who'd
admit to his future wife...
that he'd slept
with another woman...
six days before their wedding.
I think Mr. Siegel
let you off easy.
If I had walked into that room
and saw you in bed...
I would have shot you
and her on the spot.
Especially her!
You go and write these loving
things to me on "last page,"
and I don't know what to think.
Do you still want to marry me?
- Yes, Adele.
- Why?
- I'm still in love with you.
- Why did you sleep with her?
- You won't like my answer.
- Say it anyway.
I just had to have her.
You're right, I hate it.
- Do you still see her?
- No.
- Do you still want her? Don't lie.
- No.!
A little, but it'll go away.
- Oh, Charley.
- Marry me, Adele.
I'll never see her again.
I'll stop wanting her.
- I swear.
- You're still lying.
Not to me, but to yourself.
I'm going to Europe with
my father for three months.
You should be free from
that... person by then.
I'll be home on September 9th.
You can call me
on September 10th.
Good-bye, Charley.
And so,
Adele went to Europe to think...
and Charley buried himself
in his work...
Well, playboy work.
But his heartjust wasn't in it.
Heyyy!
Ah, sh*t!
If Adele didn't
come home soon...
there wouldn't be much
of Charley to come home to.
Then, finally it came...
September 10th.
The morning line on Adele
saying "yes" was eight to five.
I took the odds
and bet on cupid.
So...
- did you miss Adele, Charley?
- Yes, sir.
- Have you been behaving yourself?
- Yes, sir.
You haven't been seeing
anyone you shouldn't be?
Yes, sir.
Sorry... no, sir.
I was young once myself,
Charley.
And I also made some
big mistakes in my time.
But I did everything I could
to rectify those mistakes.
I understand.
It would take you
That's a long time to wait
to start a family.
Yes, sir.
So here's the deal.
You get married
one week from tonight...
a simple ceremony,
no guests, quiet as a grave.
A retired judge will
do it in my study.
The servants will be
given the night off.
I'm takin' no chances on
another scandal, understand?
Perfectly, sir.
One other item.
I want you to put up
a half-a-million-dollar bond...
to be held in escrow.
At the end of the ceremony,
it'll be returned to you.
If you don't show up, you'll be the
generous benefactor of an orphanage.
- Is that acceptable?
- It's not to me!
I don't think I should have to
buy someone to marry me.
He's not being bought
to marry you...
but he's paying up
if he doesn't.
That's acceptable to me, sir.
A final item...
Not a word of
this wedding to anyone.
- If there's a leak or rumor, it's off.
- You have my word.
Put the check on
the desk in my library.
Make it out to the
Culver City Boys' Orphanage.
I regret using such foul
language at our last meeting.
It was uncharacteristic of me.
I deserved it, sir.
I'll see you here
one week from tonight.
If not, the next time you
go on a honeymoon...
you'll go as a eunuch.
Okay, two nights later...
Tony was opening at
the St. Tropez Club...
with a couple of new songs
Sammy had written just for him.
It's a big night for everybody,
very big.
- What happened with Adele?
- Nothing much. She's fine.
I can't get a word
outta this guy.
Charley, something's cooking.
I can tell.
Nothing.
I swear.
It's not my night.
Everything's going wrong.
Tony's nervous 'cause the
MGM people didn't show yet.
Then, the opening act cancels.
Laryngitis.
- Honey, what a shame.
- No opening act?
What's he need?
I would do this for Tony,
nobody else.
Relax. They got somebody else.
Just sit down.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the management regrets...
Miss Amber Wayne
will be unable to appear...
but delights presenting in her
first Los Angeles appearance...
Miss Vicki Anderson.
Jesus.
You know what the odds are
on this happening?
Impossible to one.
Every honey bee
Fills with jealousy
When they see you out
with me
I don't blame them
goodness knows
Honeysuckle rose
Don't cry
Sugar
You just have
to touch my cup
You're my sugar
She looks familiar.
Charley, isn't that...
Ow!
Charley, I didn't know
it was gonna be her.
- I gotta get outta here.
- And miss Tony's opening?
- He'll never forgive you.
- If Lew Horner finds out that
she and I are in the same club...
he's gonna call
the whole thing off.
- Call what off?
- That's it! I knew it.
- You and Adele are getting married.
- Not unless I beat it now!
Tell Tony I got sick.
- What's wrong with him?
- Slight heart attack.
You just have to
Touch my cup
You're my sugar
It's sweet
When you stir it up
When I'm taking sips
from your tasty lips
Seems the honey fairly drips
You're confection
Goodness knows
Honey... suckle rose
Mmm-yeah.
Good. She's very good.
There wasn't a window,
so I decided to use the door.
So how are you?
I'm okay.
I see you didn't
have any trouble...
getting back on your feet.
I really shouldn't be here
talking to you.
It usually gets us in trouble.
Oh, God.!
I'm so clumsy.!
Let me help you with that.
I guess I shouldn't
tell you this either...
but I'm supposed to be...
getting married...
on Tuesday.
Well!
Good for Adele.
She hung in there.
Yeah.
So how 'bout you?
- Charley...
- I mean, are you seeing anybody?
I've only been
annulled two weeks.
What's the rush?
Yeah.
Tony's gonna k*ll me
if I don't see the show.
Your life is always
being threatened...
isn't it, Charley?
I really gotta go.
I just wanted to drop by
and say hello.
The real reason
I came by was to see...
if I could be around you
and still want to get married.
I guess I'm reasonably safe.
Well, you know how I like
to see you happy, Charley.
Well...
bye.
- I was just thinking...
- I was just thinking...
Me, too. What?
If you weren't going
to be too long...
maybe I could...
give you a ride home.
I have a car.
Mine's bigger.
You... you're
driving me crazy
What did I do
baby, whatever did I do
My tears for you
They make everything hazy
Clouds in the sky
that usedto be blue
How true
Were the friends
who were near me to cheer me
Believe me they knew
but you
Were the kind
who wouldhurt me
Desert me when I needed you
Yeah, you baby, you
You're driving me crazy
What did I do did I do to you
How true
Were the friends
who were near me to cheer me
Believe me they knew
but you
Were the kind
who would hurt me
Desert me when I needed you
Yeah, you,
yeah, yeah, yeah, you
You're driving me crazy
What did I do
Tell me what did I do to you
Please what did I do
To you
Tony!
Oh, Jesus.
That just cost me
a half-a-million bucks.
No, mister.
That... was just
for old-time's sake.
I don't think so.
You know it and I know it.
It's gonna be like this
for the rest of our lives.
When you walked away
from me that day...
flat as a penny,
without a red cent...
I couldn't believe it.
I said to myself...
"If I had a woman like that...
I would want to spend
the rest of my life with her."
Charley...
do you really love me?
I mean, really love me?
'Cause when you walked out
of my dressing room...
and I thought you were
never coming back...
I wanted to die.
I do love you, baby.
I have never been this happy...
in my entire,
spoiled, rotten life.
It was a beautiful wedding,
even better than the first.
Better entertainment.
I was the best man.
I did 40 minutes
ofboffo material.
It was beautiful, not to brag.
Tony sang a song that Sammy
wrote for the occasion called...
"The girl that I marry,
then married."
The other girls, being single,
naturally cried at the wedding.
Somewhere else in Hollywood...
someone was crying
more than anybody.
He's dead!
The man is dead.
I'll get pictures of him dead.
You can pin 'em on your wall
and throw darts at them.
Last time, he tells us,
he got married at gunpoint.
What did they have this time?
A cannon?
Mr. Pearl?
We're almost done packing.
I'll call you to pick up the bags.
We got a going-away
gift for you...
from a friend.
Wait a minute, fellas.
If he can pay you,
I'll pay you double.
He already paid us double.
Charley?
Aaah!
Aaah!
Daddy, don't k*ll him.
Maybe he'll change
his mind again.
What the hell did he see
in you in the first place?
Where are we goin', fellas?
Charley, Charley!
Charley?
Charley?
I'm sorry about
the honeymoon, Vicki.
Huh?
I said, "I'm sorry
about the honeymoon."
Oh, that's okay, honey.
This is the second time
you haven't had one.
What did you say?
I can't hear you.
- Excuse me.
- Oh! Oh, they're beautiful.
What is this?
Flowers from the
Culver City Boys' Orphanage.
Oh, Jesus.
Tomorrow morning
at 8:00...
I start to take
swimming lessons.
I lose Esther Williams at the end
of the picture, but what the hell?
Original score
by Frank Loesser...
- additional songs by Sammy Fine.
- That's great, Sam.
- It gets greater.
- Me...
Fred Astaire
and Rita Hayworth in one picture.
- Co-Starring?
- Better, I play a funny taxi driver.
I got one dynamite scene...
and let Fred and Rita
carry the heavy plot. I'm no dope.
- Terrific, fellas.
- Let's not forget George.
Cincinnati's won
four games in a row!
And Charley's got Vicki.
Everyone finishes in the money!
I gotta call Vicki.
She had an audition at Paramount.
I wanna see how she made out.
I could tell him.
Nobody's hiring wives of Charley Pearl.
The irony is,
if he'd married Adele...
- Vicki would be working today.
- Tell him.
He loves stories about irony.
Charley?
Charley, guess what?
They want to test me
at Monogram Pictures.
It's not a werewolf picture.
It's a really big musical!
Oh, oh!
I've got to learn
two songs by Wednesday.
I've got to take some
really fast dancing lessons.
Charley, if I could just
show them what I can do.
What's wrong?
I'm leaving for Boston
in two hours.
My father had a stroke.
They don't think he's
gonna last out the week.
Charley.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I never thought
about him dying.
He didn't seem the type,
you know what I mean?
Did you talk to him?
No, not really.
He's on oxygen.
Just a couple of words.
What did he say?
He said he wants to meet you!
He said he's not going anywhere
'til he meets his daughter.
Even after everything
he's read about me?
Especially.
I'll tell him
that you wanted to go.
I'm going with you.
I'll start packing.
I'll call Monogram.
They'll postpone the test.
No, it doesn't matter.
There were ten other girls.
It was a long shot anyway.
I'll make it up to you.
I swear.
Hey, I'm just glad
he wants to meet me.
When they got to Boston...
Charley's father was in a coma.
Well, they watched and waited...
and waited and watched
for five solid days...
just for the old man
to meet Vicki.
Honey, is it okay
if I go to the bathroom?
Yeah, sure.
I'll be right back.
Where... is she?
- Where is she!
- Vicki!
- Where is she?
- Vicki, hurry up!
What?
What?
You missed him.
So Charley lost his father...
and Vicki lost the part
at Monogram.
The girl who got it?
Bugsy Siegel's new girl...
the one he dumped Vicki for.
You know the odds on that?
You couldn't place the bet.!
- I'm real sorry he
never got to meet you.
- Yeah.
He had a real nice face...
so... gentle.
Well, he was in a coma.
When are we going home?
I've got some business
to take care of.
I am the president
of the company now.
When can we leave?
I don't know.
I'd say in about two years.
After that, we'd only have to spend
seven or eight months a year here.
Two years?
Honey, the company
isn't doing well.
If I don't go to work,
we could lose everything.
Two years!
You've got to give me
at least a year and a half.
If a picture comes up,
you go to L.A. And do it.
Pictures don't
come up in Boston.
You don't get to do
screen tests in Massachusetts...
or meet directors or producers
on Plymouth Rock!
I had a hard enough time getting into
the studios when I was there every day.
- Why was that, Charley?
- It's a tough business.
Especially when you're married
to the guy who dumped Adele Horner.
Right.
And who did I dump her for?
Isn't that worth
two years of your life?
Is it a t*rture to live
in a place like this?
This is high society.
It doesn't get any higher.
I just want a chance
to do it on my own.
I can understand that.
All I want is
what's coming to me.
- Don't touch me.
- You're good at singing.
I'm very good at
inheriting money.
I may be the best in my field.
I just don't want
to be without you.
I'll leave it up to you.
Whatever you decide is fine.
You know I can't be
without you two years.
Oh, God!
So they stayed...
and Vicki began the pleasant
process of fitting into Boston.
A lot of parties, new clothes,
a lot ofhats.
I recall she mentioned hats.
Meanwhile, Charley became obsessed
with saving the family business.
He was determined
to make the old man proud.
Vicki spent her nights alone
waiting for Charley.
He was very busy.
He was making major
important business decisions.
It needs a little more mint, guys.
Vicki, darling,
how long have you been here?
Vicki, darling?
Oh, ah, two years.
We've been here two years.
Carl and I were
married two years...
when our sex life died.
We had a small funeral.
It was lovely.
- Charles is having an affair
with his secretary.
- What?
Oh, no, no, darling.
My Charles, not your Charles.
Oh!
I didn't think...
Everything is all right
with you two, isn't it?
Oh, absolutely.
We're fine.
He's just a little busy.
- Busy?
- "Just have to finish
these reports, dear."
- Hi.
- Hi.
Whatcha doing?
I gotta get through
these reports.
How much longer?
Couple of hours.
Oh, Charley!
I miss you so much.
I miss you, too, baby.
How does that feel?
That feels great, baby.
Do you know where my hand is?
Not now, okay.
Maybe later.
Not later, Charley.
Now!
Ow!
What are you doing?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with us?
What's happening to us?
Nothing's happening.
- Exactly. Nothing.
- What are you talking about?
Where's that crazy feeling
you used to have about me?
Where is it, Charley?
Oh, come on, baby.
- It's gone.
- No, it's not.
Don't lie.
Well, a little,
but it'll come back.
This happens to everybody.
Charley, we don't even
touch each other anymore.
Remember how you used
to love to touch me?
I still do.
No, you don't, Charley.
We've been here two years.
Get us out of here
before it kills us. Please!
You can't expect me to walk away
from such an important part of my life.
I did.
The board of directors
is trying to squeeze me out.
I've put everything we own
into the stock options.
If I leave now,
we'll lose everything.
If you stay, you'll lose me.
I kept my side of the bargain.
What's it gonna be, Charley?
Christmas, 1950,
was not a happy time for Charley Pearl.
They were divorced
for the second time.
Somewhere fate was laughing.
Then spring arrived
and tragedy struck one of our own.
Sammy announced
he was getting married.
So we drove back
to the Pick-A-Daisy Ranch.
Bugsy Siegel
had been bumped off.
We figured Nevada was now safe.
Even Charley made the trip west.
- Boy, was he a load oflaughs.
- Somebody cheer Charley up.
- He's givin' me the creeps.
- Leave the man alone. He's grieving.
I can't believe
I'm getting married.
- Why'd you say "yes"?
- I don't know.
I think she had a hypnotist
over while I was sleeping.
- What do you think about Adele?
- What?
She eloped to Mexico
with her chauffeur.
Lew Horner cut her off
without a cent.
You are kidding me!
They say two out of four
marriages ends in divorce.
The other two are suicides!
But l... Hey!
- I wonder where she is now.
- Adele?
- In Mexico with the chauffeur.
- No, Vicki!
- Haven't played that in years!
- I was crazy about that woman.
- Vicki.
- Right.
Then one day it stopped.
Just like that. Why?
Why? Because you're a man, Charley.
And men are crazy,
f*cked up sons-of-b*tches.
We want what we can't have, and when
we have it we don't want it anymore.
- Look at him.
- Look at me, going to a whorehouse...
so I can get hot for
my wife on our honeymoon...
who I already shtupped
twelve hundred times.
We're all nuts!
- You're not the first.
- What?
- Lots of guys shtupped your wife
twelve hundred times.
- I did.
See? The first person we asked.
- That is not funny.
- What is not?
- Hey, slow up. Just slow up.
- What for?
- Aw, no.
- I don't believe it.
- Are you serious?
- Do you know...
what the odds are on this happening?
Predictable.
- Just one drink.
- No, no.
Every time we stop for a drink,
you gotta get married.
I just want to wish her
good luck.
Tie it on a rock
and throw it through the window.
I'm so glad that
I ain't no fool no more
I'm so glad that
I ain't no fool no more
God, she still
looks great, huh?
Oh, well,
I don't mean that great.
She looks good. Nice. Regular.
My ma wants me to marry
a multimillionaire
But I just want somebody
who can handle me with care
So now you seen her,
don't look anymore.
Remember that story
in the Bible?
You're gonna turn
into a box of salt.
It's a Biblical story.
You can check.
It's over, finito, kaput, huh?
- Fellas, let's go.
- We didn't order no champagne.
- Compliments of Mr. Denaro.
- Who's Mr. Denaro?
Number-one man
at the hotel.
Look at this.
It went from Bugsy to crazy.
Pal, tell Miss Anderson
to join us for a glass of champagne...
Shh!
After this set is over.
Miss Anderson doesn't drink
with guests.
Hey, hey, pal,
this is not a guest.
This is Charley Pearl.
He was both her husbands.
I'm sorry.
Mr. Denaro's orders.
She's taken up with Gus!
I should've known...
that these cheap Vegas punks
were always her style.
Charley, this girl had
a shot at the big leagues...
- but could not hit the fastball.
- He's not wrong.
I don't care if you're young
of if you're old d
- Let's get outta here.
- Smart.
Her face is gettin'
a little puffy, you notice?
On my mother's life, I was gonna
say that, but I was afraid to.
She put on a few pounds in the hips.
You notice the hips?
In two years you couldn't fit
her into a freight elevator.
I thought she had
sandwiches in her mouth.
You got rid of her
just in time, Charley.
- Hey, where's Charley?
- He stopped at the john.
Alone?
- Why didn't you go with him?
- I don't go unless
I gotta do something.
- What's the matter with you?
- Hey, be careful!
Bye.
So this is what you
left Boston for?
- I thought you gave me up
for something better than this.
- I like it here, Charley.
So, how's the
toothpaste business?
You having fun thinking
up next year's flavors?
At least that's next year's.
You went back to last year's.
You like working with Gus
as much as Bugsy?
Excuse me while I get
my divorce papers to see...
where it says you have the right
to ask me personal questions.
I don't have to be married
to you to be worried.
- Ten seconds and then I call the boys.
- The boys?
Oh, that's cute.
What's happening to you?
Is Gus the one slipping
in your side window...
or does he still have
a key to the front door?
Nobody's laid
their hands on me...
since the day you stopped
laying your hands on me.
Now get your hands off me.
I don't know
how that happened...
but you changed on me.
And who changed me, Charley?
If you wanted Adele...
why didn't you marry her
in the first place...
- or the second?
- I made a mistake.
But I gave you enough money
not to have to play...
a crummy place like this!
All right, maybe it
is over between you and me.
Maybe?
You can go to the casino
and bet on it!
I just don't want you to throw
your life away, understand?
I've already thrown
away two years...
giving dinner parties
for 22 dead people.
- You really are a tr*mp.
- You loved the tr*mp in me!
You kissed it good-bye when you made me
raise my pinky holding a teacup.
You won't make me
ashamed of myself!
I can't be bought
by you or anybody.!
I can't believe you did...
What the hell are you doing?
Jesus Christ.! Wait.!
You wouldn't dare?
Okay, come on.
Come on.
I dare you.!
Come on.!
I can't believe you did that!
All right, wait.!
I'm going,
but I'm taking you with me!
Aaah!
Stop!
Oh!
You ripped my dress!
Owww!
This is cute, really cute.
Ah, ah...
Why is it you don't
ever seem to listen, huh?
Didn't you hear the waiter?
You need my permission
to see the star.
Gus, why don't you
go out to the bar...
and try to look like Bugsy.
Once I was nice enough to give you
a warning. I'm not that nice anymore.
Who's your tailor, Gus?
This suit looks like the lining
to a better suit.
You're a funny guy.
Don't, don't!
He's leaving.
Come on.
Hey, count to three
before I go, Gus.
Can you count that high, Gus?
- Charley, just shut up.
- You know what I hear, Gus?
- Keep talkin', playboy.
- I hear you go to the cemetrey...
and kiss where Bugsy's a*s
used to be.
That's what Vicki told me, Gus.
Ain't that right, honey?
No, Gus, stop it.!
You're k*lling him.
I'm gonna ask one question.
The answer better be "yes."
You ain't never gonna come
around and bother Vicki.
- Is that right?
- Yes, yes, he promises.
Is that right?
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, I hated doing that.
You idiot!
You want to get us k*lled?
No, I was trying
to get you fired!
Oh, whoa.!
Don't you guys ever grab
anywhere else?
I'll bet he's already
proposed to her.
Ooo.
Jesus, it's a m*ssacre.
All right, somebody
get Vicki out of here.
I'll do that.
That'll be my job.
There are four of us
and only one of you.
I think he likes
the odds, George.
- They might need you.
- They're much better off without me.
Believe me when I say that.
This is, uh...
Not my forte.
Oh, my God!
That's not George.
That's a good sound.
They're working it out,
is what they are.
- Sweetheart, come with me.
- Let's get outta here.
Watch the hair!
You should see what I did
to that big palooka.
Let's go!
Thank you.
We had a great ti...
It's God's curse on me for
wanting to get shtupped again.
- Can't you pull down a side street?
- It's all desert!
- Make a right.
- There's no road there!
Just do it.!
Vicki, I can't see
a damn thing.!
This is like looking for...
a ballpark in
the minor leagues.
If there's a bus stop,
I'd like to be let out.
- Make another right.
- Where?
- Anywhere.
- You can't make a right anywhere.
It has to be somewhere.
Oh, God.
What are you doing?
- We got 'em, Gus.
- Shut up.
- Hey, do we got 'em Gus?
- Shut up.
Who got k*lled?
Them or us?
Seriously.
The station doesn't open 'til 7:00.
I got some rooms.
I'm surprised they took us
without reservations.
This is where werewolves
stop on camping trips.
They only had two.
Good night.
- Give me that.
- Five guys in one room?
In the minor leagues,
the whole team sleeps in one room.
I get a bed.
Where were you?
I'm freezing.
Close the window.
Oh, Vicki, baby.
- I missed you so much.
- Stop right there.
Is it back?
That old feeling...
that you'd go nuts
if you don't get to touch me?
Yeah, it's back.
We have to talk first.
Stand over there.
What's changed, Charley?
I still want to be a singer.
You still want to be
chairman of the board.
Somebody's got
to give up something.
I gave up my stock options.
I sold my house.
I left all that behind.
I went crazy without you, baby.
I took that job in Vegas...
'cause I knew it was
the one place that you'd find me.
I never would've
stopped looking.
Charley, this is a curse.
It's okay to love somebody...
but it's neurotic to think
you can't live without them.
I read that
in "Reader's Digest."
I want you back.
We'll live in L.A.
You can sing, dance, act...
Whatever the hell you want,
so long as we're together.
Please?
You won't regret it.
I promise, Charley.
Look at you.
Let's get married
in the morning, baby.
Ah, sh*t, Charley!
- I don't want to get married again.
- We've rehearsed twice.
We're practically professionals.
What's the problem?
- Do you, Charles Raymond Pearl...
- I do.
- Take Victoria to be your
lawfully wedded wife?
- I do.
Not yet.
For as long as you both shall live?
- Now.
- I do.
If the man says, "Can do,"
can do.
Do you,
Victoria Rosemary Anderson...
take Charles
to be your husband?
In sickness and in health?
For better or worse?
Richer or poorer,
so long as you both shall live?
I don't think
she's comin' outta the gate.
The filly's nervous.
Never a winner on this track.
Take your pitch
and swing, baby.
I do.
With the power vested in me,
I pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
This is the
happiest day of my life.
I always love these days,
too, Charley.
I really do.
Hey, atta boy, Charley.
The greatest comeback
in marital history.
- Good luck, babe.
- Thank you.
After Sherry and I get married,
we're gonna get divorced.
- This is so romantic.
- No.
And so the happy newly,
newly, newlyweds...
drove off into the sunset...
where, you would imagine,
they lived happily-ever-after.
Truth? They drove straight to a walnut
grove in Culver City, California.
See, for the first time in his life,
Charley had plans.
This is it.
This is what?
This is ours.
I bought it. It'll be
finished in nine months.
- Charley, not another big house.
- Not a house.
A movie studio.
Pearl Productions.
I'm gonna make movies
just for you, baby!
Oh, Charley...
- what do you know about making movies?
- What's to know?
You buy a movie camera.
I point the camera at you...
and America falls
in love with you...
just the way I did.
Pearl Studios cost 15 million bucks.
Lucky coincidence.
That's all the money Charley had left.
Nine months later,
a star was about to be born.
Except...
it came out a baby.
Unbelievable.
But it didn't stop production,
no siree.
Because with hard work
and perseverance...
they had another baby.
Finally, Charley found
the right property for Vicki:
A big-budget
musical extravaganza.
When Vicki heard the news,
she was so excited...
she had twins.
Charley was never happier
in his life.
He had Vicki, a family, a home.
Only he didn't have the studio,
which went bankrupt.
There's an old saying
in Hollywood...
"You can't make hits
unless you make pictures."
Vicki got back
to her singing...
this time to support
the family.
Charley was finding out there were
not a lot ofjob opportunities...
for ex-millionaire,
playboy, toothpaste kings.
All the influential people
he had known...
guys he had picked up
countless tabs for...
now wouldn't give Charley
the time of day.
DAfter all the things you told me
dAnd the promises that you gave
As Vicki's star climbed
higher and higher...
Charley's crashed and burned.
riding the tail of a comet.
Tony and me were starring
with "La Hayworth."
Sammy had a hit musical
on Broadway.
And George had Cincinnati
in second place.
About a year passed,
and another of our brave comrades fell.
Tony Madden,
now MGM's biggest star...
was finally caught in that evil spider's
web that traps us all...marriage.
He not only got the girl,
he bought Lew Horner's house.
I'm telling ya, irony,
irony everywhere.
I wonder if she knows
it's a toupee.
- That's not his real hair?
- It is, but when it fell out...
he had it made into a toupee.
- Look at these fool guys.
- That's us seven years ago.
Do you think they'll
make it as big as we did?
Nah, we're the last
of our breed.
Isn't one of your friends
missing, darling?
Charley Pearl and Vicki.
- They'll be here. Don't worry.
- I hope nothing's wrong.
Nah! Probably just stopped
off to have another kid.
Sorry I couldn't buy you
a new dress for the party.
Charley, I've only had this
a year and I've worn it twice.
I never thought a wife of mine
would wear costume jewelery.
It's not even good
costume jewelery.
You don't like this bracelet?
I love it!
Who cares? It looks better
than the real stuff anyway.
Let's not go.
It's gonna be boring,
the same jokes, songs...
the same faces.
I'm sick of these people.
These guys were more laughs
when they were bums.
We've missed the
last three parties.
You've gotta stop hiding
from your friends, Charley.
- They're your friends.
- I'm not hiding from my friends.
Okay. Never mind.
Let's go.
Wait, what did you mean,
"hiding from my friends"?
- Never mind!
- Hey, I want an answer to my question.
- Just let go of it.
- What did you mean?
- What did you mean by that?
- It doesn't matter, Charley!
You just...
you just had a little
run of bad luck.
"A run of bad luck"?
I've had a f*cking marathon!
- Why don't you go to
the party by yourself?
- No.
There'll be a lot
of successful people like you.
You can compare your reviews
in "Variety,"
how many times your names
have been in the columns.
Okay?
I didn't ask you to build
the studio, Charley.
I didn't say
"Make me a movie star."
I just wanted to sing,
that's all!
- Why didn't you stop me
from making an a*s of myself?
- What?
What the hell did I know
about making movies?
- Huh?
- I don't believe this.
- A husband and wife are supposed
to look out for each other, right?
- Yes.
Why didn't you stop me
from writing all those checks...
to every creep looking
for a lovesick sucker...
- which is what I am. Am I right?
- You're not.
I pulled you out of that place
in Vegas, didn't I?
You're never gonna let me
forget, are you?
How you pulled me out of Vegas
and made me respectable.
Then I work my a*s off,
gain a little self-respect
while bringing up your kids.
But you can't take that,
can you, Charley?
What do you want?
Me to stay at home?
I can be a wife!
I can be a bimbo!
It's your choice.
What do you want?
No, no, no.
I'm the bimbo here.
I mean, I'm a kept man.
- No, Charley.
- Do you know where this party is?
This is in the house
that Adele Horner lived in...
- a place where I was treated
like a king once.
- It doesn't matter.
There are waiters making
more money at this party...
than I made all of last year.
I had my life going exactly
the way I wanted.
- Shh.
- That's what I gave up for you.
What did you say, Charley?
What you gave up for me?
Yeah, that's right.
Hey, where you going?
What you gave up for me,
Charley?
I don't need you.
And I never want
to see you again.
Ever!
You come back here.
Where do you think
you're going?
Come back and get in this car.
Do you hear me?
Come back, g*dd*mn it.
You owe me the rest of your life!
What about my kids?
I'm not giving up my kids!
I don't want my kids to have
a revolving door as a father.
We have more anniversaries
than we do birthdays!
I'm a great father.
I love being a father.
Too bad you don't love
being a husband!
Look at me, Charley.
Look at me!
'Cause it's the last chance
you're ever gonna get.
g*dd*mn you, Bugsy Siegel.
I hope you burn in hell.
And they got divorced a third time.
And Bugsy Siegel burnt in hell.
Charley knew he'd blown it.
He never made it to the party.
In fact, as 1955 became 1956...
none of us heard from or even about...
Charley Pearl.
Vicki packed the kids in her van
and moved up to San Francisco.
I never told you?
That's where me and the guys found her.
What good is money if
your heart isn't light
She's singing with more...
heart.
Know what I mean?
Yeah. It's called loneliness.
When youth has its fling
- Jesus, I don't believe it.
- What?
- Charley. It's Charley.
- Holy Moses!
- You know what the odds
are on this happening?
- Even money.
We have the right
to laugh at them all
Come on.
Let's go.
Love is still king
Love is the thing
Charley.
- Charley, it's us.
- It's Tony.
Hey, fellas.
It's nice to see you.
Where you been, Charley?
I've been around.
- Around where?
- What've you been doing?
I got into this new business
they got up here.
What business?
- They're called computers.
- Schmuck.
Shh.
Hey, does Vicki
know you're here?
Yeah, I come in three,
four times a week.
You two...
you're not... together?
No, no.
She's a tough nut to crack,
you know.
lf we're rich or we're poor
Are you okay, Charley?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You been drinking, Charley?
Me?
Drinkin'?
You know I don't drink.
Hey, fellas.
I wanna show you something.
Look at that.
Beauties, huh?
They all look like their mom.
And here in your arms
Let me ask you fellas
a question.
You think she'll like this?
It's a dazzler, Charley.
What's the occasion?
I'm gonna pop the question.
What do you think?
- Tonight?
- Yeah.
Charley, answer me something.
Why do you want to marry
the same woman four times?
It fits.
And even though our castles
crumble and fall
We have the right
To laugh at them all
For love is still king
Love is the
Thing
Birds do it
Bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it
Let's fall in love
In Spain the best of the set
do it
Lithuanians and Letts do it
Let's do it
Let's fall in love
The Dutch in
old Amsterdam do it
Not to mention the Finns
Folks in Siam do it
think of Siamese twins
Some Argentines without means
do it
People say in Boston
even beans do it
Let's do it
Let's fall in love
Electric eels
I might add do it
Though it shocks them I know
Why ask if shad do it
Waiter, bring me shad roe
In shallow shoals
English soles do it
Goldfish in the privacy
ofbowls do it
Let's do it, let's fall
Let's do it
Let's fall in love
And they never
got divorced again.
Vicki kept on singing
her heart out.
And curiously enough, Charley's
hunch about that computer thing...
actually paid off.
Yeah.
He now owns a small county
in northern California.
Well, they needed a big yard
for all those kids.
Like Charley says,
there are couples in love...
and there are couples
who are hot.
And then there's him and Vicki.
They got both.
You know what
the odds are on that?
Big... very big...
extremely very big.
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Marrying Man, The (1991)
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Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.