Rose All Day (2022)

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat music)

- [Olivia] Okay, okay, okay,

okay, okay.

I don't wanna get all sappy you

guys.

- [Kelly] Oh, come on.

I love it when you get all

sappy.

- Stop, okay.

I just wanna say, I love you

guys and you're my family.

So, I don't know.

Happy graduation.

(girls cheer)

Here is to the beginning

of real life, you guys,

and no matter what happens,

I know we're gonna be friends

forever.

- We will.

- It's a nice idea, but come on.

- No, I'm with Kelly.

In fact, she's the reason that

we met in the first place.

- Oh my God.

That's right.

Because you made us sign up

for that kickball league.

- [Paige] Oh, gosh.

- I really wanted to play.

- You didn't have a team.

- So you found as many lost

freshmen

wandering around the quad as you

could.

- And our team lasted.

- Oh, one game.

- One game.

- Just one.

- But that was a great game.

- Yes it was.

- Is this chardonnay?

- No.

It's rose.

- Oh.

- Fancy.

- I didn't know there was

anything but red or white.

- Oh, I love you, Kel.

Someday I'm gonna be

sipping rose in Paris.

No, no, no, no, no.

Italy, then Paris.

- Fine.

As long as you take me with you.

- You know you're my ride or

die.

- You guys, you have to promise

you'll come visit with me.

- Oh, I love you so much,

but I'm not driving to Orange

County.

- It's like 12 freeways away.

- [Gwen] I know.

- Seriously though.

We need to have a plan to

see each other, people drift.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Sometimes for good reason.

- What?

- Hey.

- Not us.

We're not gonna drift.

- Oh my-

- Okay, you know what?

I officially declare today, May

27th, as

Rose All Day-

- Hey.

- ... for the rest of lives.

- For the rest of our lives.

- Yes.

- That's a little ambitious even

for you.

- No, it's catchy, Rose All Day.

(girls cheer)

- It's our own little thing you

guys.

- Oh yeah, we have a thing.

- I'm gonna be a little more

Cranberry All Day.

I have a UTI, too much

graduation sex.

- Oh.

- Ayay.

- So, here is to the

first annual Rose All Day.

- In May-

- So we won't drift away-

- In Orange County-

- Or have to drive on 12

freeways-

- Even if I have to drink

cranberry-

(girls cheer)

- And that's all there is to

say.

(girls cheer)

- Rose all day-

- In May-

- So we won't drift away-

- In Orange County-

- Or have to drive on 12

freeways-

- Even if I have to drink

cranberry-

- And that's all there is to

say.

(girls cheer)

- If you'll excuse me, ladies.

I think I see a potential

UTI in my future.

(girls cheer)

- Or have to drive on 12

freeways-

- Even if I have to drink

cranberry-

- And that's all there is to

say.

(girls cheer)

- Freeze.

Hands where I can see them.

You're all under arrest.

- Oh no.

- For being too f*cking hot.

(girls screaming)

(mellow music)

- Here we go.

- [Natalie] Oh, look how pretty

it looks.

- [Kelly] Oh my gosh.

- Where's or girl?

- Where is she, where is she?

There she is.

- Olivia.

(girls scream)

- Hi.

- Hi.

Wow.

I always forget how big

your parents' guest house is

compared to my studio apartment,

which I'm super grateful for.

- Oh yeah.

Well, it's great.

It's temporary.

My parents are actually

moving to Phoenix in a month

and then I get to rent

the big house from them.

- Oh.

- Oh, they're making you pay

rent.

I am so impressed.

Good for them.

How much?

- Oh, $100 a month.

- Wow, you'd think they'd cut

you a break

for being their kid.

- Well, I am still paying

off my student loans, so-

- [Natalie] Me too.

- [Kelly] Yeah.

- So did you guys carpool or

what?

- [Chloe] Kind of.

- Well, I'm a Lyft driver now.

So I picked up Chloe in Culver,

walked two dogs in mid Wilshire,

did a Grubhub delivery in West

Hollywood,

picked up Nat in NoHo

and came straight here.

- My God.

What time did you leave?

- She picked me up at 6:30 this

morning.

- But I only charged you

for the first five miles.

- I know, it's such a deal.

- [Olivia] What's in the box,

Kel?

- Oh, okay.

You are looking at the

newest beauty consultant

for Pure Truth Beauty.

- I've never heard of it.

- Apparently they're really big

in Norway.

- Yeah, get ready to hear

how many chemicals are

poisoning your face right now.

- Well, I'm actually not

really wearing any makeup, so-

- Oh, right.

I always forget how perfect you

are.

Kidding, love you.

- Oh, Clo,

I thought maybe we would

save that for the toast.

Yep, or not.

That's fine.

- Liv, don't quote me on this.

- Yeah, I won't.

- There's something like

20 to 45 toxic substances

in most moisturizers,

which is a leading cause of face

cancer.

- Hold on.

There's face cancer?

- From toxic moisturizers.

- Yes, well, I'm so excited to

try it.

- Perfect.

Okay, so this is a masque

called Dirty Diana.

Well, all the products are named

after Michael Jackson songs.

- Is that really legal, though?

- Sure.

I mean, I guess.

I don't know.

Here-

- Oh, okay.

You know what?

Let's save that for when

everyone else is here.

Right?

It's a great idea.

But I'm so excited.

So excited.

- It doesn't have animal

poop in it, does it?

- Gross.

No.

- Throw me a jar.

Okay, they don't list

any of the ingredients

on the packaging.

Now I know that's ill*gal.

- Well, Norway has different

laws.

Plus, they are a more trusting

people.

We could learn a thing or

two from the Norwegians.

- Name one other thing you

know about the Norwegians.

- They're next to Finland.

- Are they?

- Aren't they?

- How about everyone there

is automatically registered to

vote.

They have pledged to become

climate neutral by 2030

and their healthcare system is

based

on the principle of universal

access.

- See?

Told you.

More trusting people.

- Hello.

Who's ready to party?

Rose All Day, ladies.

Can I get a woop-woop?

(girls cheer softly)

Okay, well.

I thought more of us were here,

so-

- [Chloe] Just us.

- Well, I am ready

to party.

- Thank you.

- I just wasn't sure if

you wanted us to respond

and then I feel like we just

made it awkward for you,

so yeah.

- That's okay.

- Hey babe, your boobs are wet.

- Oh yeah, look at that.

Time to pump and dump.

- Does pumping make you

have to go to the bathroom?

- [Morgan] What?

- Pump and dump?

- Oh, oh, oh no, gross.

No, I just, I started drinking

as soon as I pulled into Liv's

driveway,

and the booze goes straight into

my milk.

Sorry,

are we-

- Toasting?

Yeah, apparently when everyone

gets here.

- So you can make mixed drinks

out of those things, huh?

- Oh yeah.

You don't even wanna

know all the crazy sh*t

that happens to your body

after you've given birth.

No one tells you you're

gonna piss your pants

for the rest of your life.

(breast pump pumping)

So what's up Clo?

You president yet?

- Yeah, I love when you joke

about that

like it's something

that could never happen.

- Oh, that's not what I meant.

You know you always have my

vote.

- Great.

Primaries are in two weeks.

- The what?

- The primaries.

Oh my God.

The primary elections.

- Yes.

- [Chloe] The top two candidates

advance

to the general election.

- General election, yep.

- [Chloe] In November.

- In November.

Okay, great.

Well, great.

Just hit me up then.

That gives me plenty of

time to get registered.

- You are not registered?

- No, no, no.

I was kidding.

I'm kidding.

I am registered.

Mm-hmm.

I am, yes.

'Cause I care about the issues.

- [Chloe] Ah.

- You know,

change.

- [Chloe] Sure.

- And all also healthcare.

And also Prop C.

- Oh, stop.

- [Morgan] Okay, sorry

- Stop talking.

(doorbell rings)

- Woo.

I hope that's the p*nis.

- [Chloe] Oh my God, what?

- [Morgan] What?

- [Natalie] What are you talking

about?

- Did she just said, "p*nis"?

- [Natalie] What did you do?

- [Chloe] Oh my God,

you're gonna hurt yourself.

- [Natalie] Please don't hurt

yourself.

- Look at her go.

- What kind of p*nis?

- Where do you want your d*ck?

- Next to the bush.

- In a condom, preferably.

- In jail for tax fraud.

- You could just put it

right here by the pool.

But not too close.

We need room to suck from the

tip.

(girls exclaiming)

- [Kelly] Surprise, my treat.

- Oh my ...

There is a large ice p*nis in my

backyard.

- How did you pay for that

thing?

- Well, one of the women

I rent errands for,

she owns the company.

- That's so lucky for us.

- Is it too much?

- No babe, it's fine.

We'll all just pretend

we're on a spring break reality

show trying to win a date

with a guy named Blaze.

- Hey, I auditioned for that,

but they had only one spot for

an Asian

and Yuki Kimura was

way more Asian than me.

- I love Yuki.

It's a shame they sent her home

'cause she wouldn't hook up with

someone.

She was at a total disadvantage

because she wasn't fluent in

English.

- Okay, thank you.

- Thanks.

- Thank you for your input.

- Bullshit if you ask me.

- Sure.

Should have cast me.

- [Morgan] Oh, there she goes.

There it is.

- Well, I start on Monday.

- [Kelly] That's exciting.

- Kind of.

It's just another office

assistant job.

- Oh, I miss my job.

- Oh, you have the most

important job ever now.

- Okay, I wouldn't say

the most important job.

- Well, of course you wouldn't.

- What, you think changing

diapers is more important

than immigration reform or equal

rights?

- You think that's all I do?

- No.

But, to Kelly's point,

what you do now is a lot

more impactful on our world

than what you used to do, right?

- Wow.

- You know, being the

top Bloomingdale's buyer

was impactful, Chloe.

I decided the fashion

trends for upper class women

in every major metropolitan

area, okay?

So, we can't all be Alexandra

Casio Ortez.

Am I right?

- Ocasio-Cortez.

- What?

- [Chloe] Forget it.

- You know, I do miss

your discount, though.

- Oh God, tell me about it.

This is TJ Maxx bullshit.

Which is actually fine because

it smells like baby puke.

No, Kelly.

Kelly.

Don't smell it.

Liv, you were the smart

one for never wanting kids.

- I never said that.

- Yes you did.

All the time in college.

- Okay. Well, that was a

really long time ago, so-

- Well even just last year

when I asked you to be Zoe's

godmother, you were like,

"This is the closest I'll

ever get to being a mom.

Thank God."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember when I did your

online dating profile,

and you had me filter out

every guy that had kids,

who wanted kids or liked kids.

- That's right.

Oh, or when you helped raise

money for male birth control-

- Right, okay, yes.

Fine.

I might have mentioned it one

time.

People change.

- [Morgan] Sure.

- Okay.

- Totally.

Remember when I went

through that commune phase?

- [Morgan] That was crazy.

- [Natalie] That was a cult.

- But it was almost on

an episode of Dateline.

So close.

- [Morgan] I know, that

would've been big for you.

- [Natalie] Something to be

proud of.

- I don't think so.

No.

(phone ringing)

- Oh, sorry.

Hold on, I gotta take this.

Hi.

What's wrong.

- [Michael] She pooped in the

bathtub.

- Okay.

So clean it up.

- [Michael] How?

- Zoe, Zoe, hi Zoe.

- Zoe, Zoe.

- Hi, little baby.

- You cannot see this.

- Hi, baby.

Did you poop in the bathtub?

- You did the poops.

- [Michael] What do I do with

the poop?

- Oh, what do you mean?

- [Michael] How do I get

it out of the bathtub?

And then, do I put it in the

toilet or the trash or what?

- Just use a cup or something.

Not one that we drink out of.

I'm sorry.

I got it. Let me just

go on real quick, sorry.

Michael, how many times

did she poop in the bathtub

before you noticed?

- Hi.

- Hi, good to see you.

- Hashtag Mom Life.

Hashtag No Thank You, right?

- [All] Hey.

- [Olivia] Hey Paige.

- Ladies, I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm still on London time.

Wow.

This reminds me of my

last layover in Reykjavik.

- Cause everything is frozen?

- Yes.

And Icelandic men have

huge, slippery c*ck.

- They do?

- Kelly.

Where is Gwen?

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me she's not coming

'cause she's still about the Tom

thing.

We barely slept together

months before they even met.

- Yeah.

For someone who schedules

forgiveness time into their

journal,

that girl can hold a f*cking

grudge.

- I'm sure she's let that go by

now.

- Really?

Because the last time we were

together

she made a point of encouraging

me

not to breathe and stretch.

- Yikes.

That is bad.

- Yeah.

(mellow music)

(clippers clipping)

- Hey Kel, where'd you get the

clippers?

- Well, I always carry a pair in

my purse.

- That's great.

I'm sorry.

Could you literally do that, I

don't know,

anywhere else please?

- Sorry, is it grossing you out?

- No, no, no, no.

It's not, it's just the sound.

- Oh, right.

- Your ...

What's it called?

- Misophonia.

- Misophonia, right.

- Yeah.

- I remember one time I was

in your apartment chewing gum,

you almost threw me out the

window.

- Yeah.

- Well, I'll just bite the last

one off.

- Oh God, no.

Please, don't do that.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

It's weird, it's weird.

But it is a legitimate

condition, I swear to God.

There are just some sounds

that fill me with a rage

that I cannot explain.

- Well, I understand.

Well I don't, but no more

clippers or gum or skateboards

or silverware clinking or ...

What's the other one?

- Sniffing.

- Sniffing.

- And eating sounds.

- And leaf blowers and car

horns.

- Wrappers of any kind,

people that drag their

feet when they walk.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I know I'm so me.

- It's fine.

We're used to it.

- Oh, so nice to be in

one place for a while.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I love being a stewy, but I

don't know.

Sometimes I envy people like

you.

- Aww, you're so sweet.

- Like you Kel, perfect example.

You just wake up every morning

and run errands for other

people with important jobs.

No stress.

No traveling off to exotic

countries every other day,

or being hit on constantly

by first class passengers,

or having to squeeze in an

ab workout during a layover.

You guys can totally

just let your bodies go

and it doesn't affect your jobs

at all.

- So I've totally let myself go.

- Your abs do look great.

- [Paige] Part of the job,

darling.

- Having great abs is part

of being a flight attendant?

- You want the good shifts?

Yeah.

I mean they don't outright say

it but,

no it's complicated.

- Sounds pretty simple to me.

- I have to stay in bikini

shape.

It's kind of my thing.

I take a bikini selfie in

every new city I go to.

- She does.

- Seriously?

- Mm-hmm.

- I have stood in front

of the Oscarsborg Fortress

in dead winter wearing nothing

but a pink g-string and

earmuffs.

- I remember that one.

So cute.

- That's my favorite.

- And that's related to your

job, how?

- I have over 20,000 Insta

followers.

- Oh Jesus.

- Okay.

Well, whatever.

I'm trying to get my own

political travel show on

YouTube.

- Oh, oh great.

Great.

Just what we need.

Another person who thinks

they understand politics

feeling like they need

to share their opinion

with the masses.

- Are we talking about me or

you?

- Yeah, let's go back to

political travel shows.

- Yes.

So, I'm gonna travel the

world and interview people

about what it's like

to be a young, black

conservative republican like me,

prove that climate change is a

hoax,

that kind of thing.

- Right, while wearing a bikini.

- [Paige] Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm having trouble 'cause

there's just so many things

to be offended by.

I just don't know which one to

pick.

- Well, I'd watch that.

It's good to be educated

about the other side.

- Yes.

And speaking of the other side,

since when are you a

conservative republican?

- Mainly since the last

election,

which was stolen from us.

- You know, I'm not

taking the bait, Paige.

But if I did, I would f*cking

destroy you.

- Hey.

What I miss?

- Oh my God. Have you been

on the phone this whole time?

- f*cking yes.

Michael dropped the baby

into the poopy bath water,

it splashed up into his eyes,

she swallowed some,

and he wanted to go to

the ER for both of them.

- Oh my God, are they okay?

- Oh no, is she okay?

- She's fine.

I mean, you know how many

times I've swallowed baby poop

in the last 18 months?

- No, please don't tell me.

- [Morgan] At least once a

month.

- Oh.

- I mean, the point is,

it's baby poop, Michael.

I mean, so what?

So you'll put your tongue

in my a*s during sex,

but a little baby poop made

mostly out of smashed pears

gets on your face and

you're ready to call 911?

Right?

- That's a lot of information.

- Sure.

- [Kelly] Does anybody have any

lotion?

- Oh, yes I do.

Actually, in your gift bags.

- Gift bags?

- Yeah.

- Gift bags.

Let's do gift bags.

- God, Gwen's still missing.

I wanted to do it when everybody

was here.

I put a little something extra

in there

for you guys, so-

- She's probably stuck

in downward dog position

somewhere in Laguna Beach.

- Right.

Right, right, right.

Okay, you know what?

I'm gonna get them, I'm

gonna bring them over here,

so that they're ready when she

gets here.

Yeah.

That's a great idea.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Okay.

- I like Gwen.

Her blog is so inspirational.

- Didn't she start a paper

business or something?

- Yeah, inspirational journals.

We all got one for Christmas.

Well, except for Paige.

- Oh, yeah.

The Tom thing.

- Well, I use mine all the time.

- Oh, yeah.

Me too.

Right after I pick some

fresh flowers from my garden,

I journal about my dreams.

"Friends,

what's stirring your heart

today?

Sister lionesses,

are you ready to roar?

Cause I'm ready to hear you.

Unless my husband saw your

t*ts eight years ago."

- Five.

- I'm sorry, I love her, but

f*ck me.

Has she always been this

annoying?

- She probably says the

same thing about us.

- No, come on.

Hey,

let's talk more politics.

Chloe, why don't you tell

us your campaign promises.

- Okay, I know you're being

sarcastic,

but I'm gonna take it anyway.

Okay.

Thank you so much for inviting

me to, insert location here.

It is a beautiful day

in the 37th district.

Ever since I was a teenager,

I've been moved to-

- Gwen's here.

Gwen's here.

We can do gift bags.

- Liv is really overselling

these f*cking gift bags.

- I'll finish my speech later

when everyone's a little more

focused.

But there's this really

great part about my plan

to overturn the decision

in Citizens United vs

Federal Elections Commission.

It totally kills, so ...

(Kelly claps)

Thanks.

- Yep.

(Gwen exhales)

- Well,

I for one could use a

few cleansing breaths

after that traffic.

Olivia, join us for some

breathing.

Oh,

I am sorry I'm late.

I had to stop by the yoga

studio.

They had something to give me.

An award.

For 300 days of yoga.

Oh, no thank you.

I don't like alcohol to

interfere with my ability

to be totally present.

Did you guys already toast

without me?

- Yeah.

Rose All Day, freeways and-

- [Natalie] Yeah, my body

does not bend that way.

- Oh, friends.

Well, I bend so I don't break.

Besides, yoga isn't for the

flexible, it's for the willing.

- Well, I'm neither.

So Chloe, you wanna pass me that

bottle?

Thank you.

- You must have crazy sex.

- I hope Tom knows how lucky he

is.

- He does.

- I'm gonna take a p*nis shot.

Chloe, do you want to pour me?

- [Chloe] Gladly.

- [Natalie] Okay, great.

- Now let's go around and

discuss our goals for the week.

Who wants to go first?

Kelly.

Share with me.

- [Olivia] Before you guys open

them,

I just wanna say how much I love

you guys.

(phone ringing)

- Oh, sh*t.

Sorry, one sec.

What?

- [Michael] What does it

mean when she's crying?

- [Morgan] I don't know,

it could mean anything.

She could be hungry or gassy or

tired.

When was the last time you fed

her?

- [Michael] When you fed her?

- I'm sorry, one sec.

Go on without me.

- Oh no, no, no, no.

We're gonna wait.

We'll wait.

Let's wait.

- She needs some help.

- Well, I offered to help and

nanny,

but only if I could take

Zoe on my deliveries.

- No, I mean she needs to stop

letting her emotions control

her.

- Gwen, she just had a baby.

Don't shame her for having

out of control hormones,

or a stupid husband.

- Well that's absolutely no

excuse.

When I am pregnant,

I will stay balanced with

kundalini,

through my pregnancy

and through motherhood.

- Well, everyone's body

is different, Gwen.

- [Gwen] True.

But if you take care of your

body, it'll take care of you.

- Yeah, or it'll totally betray

you

and make you feel like a

hollow shell of a human

who can't do anything right.

Right?

I'm pregnant.

I was.

I was pregnant, I'm not pregnant

anymore.

I was nine weeks along

and I had my checkup,

and I had my mom on FaceTime.

Pete took off work to meet me

there.

And I could just tell on the

doctor's face

that there was no heartbeat.

- [Chloe] Oh my God.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't even know you guys were

trying.

- No, we didn't tell anyone.

But we have been trying for two

years,

ever since the wedding.

I never found my thing

like all of you guys.

You all have these things

that you're good at

and you've made these life

choices.

I'm just stuck in the middle of

nowhere.

And I thought maybe being a mom

would give me something to be

great at,

but apparently I can't even do

that right.

I know it's stupid.

But I was six weeks along and

picking out f*cking baby names

and ordering diapers from Target

and now it's just all bullshit.

Jesus, I mean, what if there's

something wrong with me?

- [All] No.

- Lots of women have

miscarriages early on.

My mom had three.

- My friend had two.

- [Chloe] When did you find out?

- Yesterday.

- [All] What?

- [Olivia] How are you here?

- No, I wanted to see you guys,

I wanted to see you guys.

It's still inside me.

I have to take a pill to

make it come out or whatever.

But I'm gonna do that tomorrow,

so-

- [Chloe] sh*t.

- Well, we are here for

you if you need anything.

- Absolutely girl, anything.

I mean, I leave on Tuesday

but until then, anything.

- Thanks.

Somebody refill my f*cking

drink, please.

- [Kelly] Oh yes, yes, yes, yes,

yes.

- [Morgan] All right.

Baby's fed, husband's a moron.

Let's do these gift bags.

Mama needs some free sh*t.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh.

- [Chloe] What?

- Oh no, no.

No, no, no, stop.

Stop, stop, stop it.

Stop it, stop it.

(girls screaming)

Nobody.

Nobody, gimme that.

You, give me that.

- [Chloe] What is happening?

- I forgot the aroma therapy.

I'll be right back.

- [Chloe] I don't know what just

happened.

- That girl needs to smoke some

weed.

(upbeat music)

- I find that organizing

my thoughts in this format

really helps me process

and work through a difficult

situation.

- I can tell that really works

for you.

- It does.

- Does it?

- It does.

- Does it?

- Okay.

Let's just address the elephant,

shall we?

You obviously think

that there is some unresolved

animosity between us.

But on my part,

I am an open vessel of

forgiveness.

- I didn't do anything

to need forgiveness.

- Even so, I forgive you.

- Well, I don't need

forgiveness.

- Well, I don't need you to need

it

for me to give it.

- Great, thanks.

- Okay, back to Natalie.

Reasons why her body did

what it needed to do.

- Fun.

I'm in.

- Look, guys.

Seriously, I'm fine.

- No, no, no, no.

You're not.

Let's do this.

Okay.

10 reasons why Natalie should

not want

to be a mom right now.

Okay?

I'll start.

Number one.

Maternity clothes suck.

- Two.

Stretch marks.

- [Natalie] I already have

those.

- Three.

You're stuck in the house.

- I never go out anyway.

- I got one.

Four.

Too much pressure to think of a

kid's name

other kids won't make fun of.

- They get made fun of

regardless.

- Five.

It costs $100,000 a year to

raise a child.

- sh*t.

Is that true?

- Maybe a little less

if your nanny's ill*gal.

- Six.

You would have to join one

of those annoying mom groups

that makes you exercise

with your strollers.

- Yeah, I don't have

an upside for that one.

- Seven.

You will never pee alone again.

- I do have bathroom privacy

issues.

- Eight.

Our world's in the shitter.

Who wants to bring a kid

into this f*cking mess?

- Okay.

I know that we're trying to

cheer Nat up.

But hey, just for balance,

let's talk about reasons to be a

mom.

- [Kelly] Great idea.

- Natalie, you do not

wanna be a mom right now.

Really.

Don't get me wrong, I love Zoe-

- Yeah, I know, I know.

It changes everything.

- Right.

But, in good ways too.

So let's talk about those.

We decided to do that, right?

- [Kelly] Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

- I haven't slept through

the night in months,

my t*ts are gonna look

like deflated balloons

and my house smells like

Febreze and dirty diapers.

- Add them to the list.

- And I just sprung a leak.

- Okay, okay.

But come on.

When she looks at you, Morgan.

With that little face.

- [Morgan] Yeah.

- That just makes it all worth

it, right?

- Sure.

I've never had that thing in me

that's like, "I need

to be a mom," you know?

I just see everyone else

oohing and aahing over babies

and I just join in out of

obligation.

- Maybe that's what

everyone else is doing too.

- Jesus.

I never thought about that.

Is everyone pretending

like we like babies?

- No.

Stop it.

I love babies.

How can you not love babies?

- I love babies.

And you know what?

Motherhood is a precious

gift you f*cking assholes.

sh*t.

My flatbread.

- Something I said?

- sh*t.

sh*t.

I can't do this.

Oh, I cannot be somebody's mom.

I should not be somebody's

mother.

I don't want stretch marks,

and deflated boobs,

and pukey clothes.

Oh.

Damn it, Liv.

You better pull it together.

You still have a party to host.

And a crudite platter to

arrange.

- Something smells yummy in

here.

Oh.

Oh, hey, come on.

We can still eat this.

See?

Crispy.

(Kelly mumbling)

(Olivia sobbing)

- I'm glad you like it.

You think the others are gonna

like it?

- Love it, they're gonna love

it.

- It looks bad.

- No, it looks great.

(Olivia sobbing)

- Whatever you do, don't

say it tastes burnt.

She's really upset about the

bread.

I mean, it is disgusting, but

...

So enjoy this perfectly

cooked, charred bread.

- Thank you.

- Yum.

- Mm.

- I'm vegan.

- It's so, so, so good.

Really good.

Do you wanna do a shot?

- [Natalie] Yeah.

- Okay, good.

- Interesting choice, Liv.

Seems so not like something

you'd have at a party.

- Well, I ordered it.

I was gonna get a stripper, but

that seemed a little trashy.

- Do you guys remember that cop

stripper

from a few years ago?

- Wait, did you know that

that was seven years ago?

- [Olivia] Jesus.

Really?

- [Morgan] Yeah.

- It seems like a lifetime ago.

- It was.

- He was f*cking hot.

- Taylor.

- [Morgan] Yeah.

- He was sweet.

- Did you guys date for like

two months or something?

- Two years.

- What?

- What are you ... What?

- Yeah

- [Morgan] No way.

- [Olivia] Are you serious?

- What?

- [Olivia] Paige dated that

stripper for two years.

- I knew that, I thought

everybody knew.

Nat, you knew that, didn't you?

- What stripper?

- We still text.

I send him the occasional bikini

selfie.

- Sure you do.

- Well, does he still strip?

Get him over here.

- Oh no, he's happily married.

- [Morgan] Oh.

- He lives in Ohio and

manages a Crate & Candle Barn.

- Oh, just imagine.

You could be Mrs. Crate & Candle

Barn.

- Imagine.

Me, coordinating table

runners and place settings

as the highlight of my life.

- No.

- No offense.

- So why did you guys break up?

- He wouldn't go to church with

me,

and he was obsessed with me

swallowing.

- Swallowing?

- Swallowing.

Every time I gave him a blowjob,

he insisted that I swallow.

Said he couldn't come if he

knew I was gonna spit it out.

Like I was disrespecting his

jizz.

(girls laugh)

- Guys, I've never swallowed.

- What?

- Lucky you.

- No, I mean, I don't seek

it out, but come on, never?

- No, no way.

Why would I do that?

It is so easy to just,

just,

as it's coming right at you.

They don't know the difference.

- Well, they know.

- No, no, no, no.

I am 100% with Chloe on this,

because what's the point?

They've already had the

orgasm, my job is done.

- Exactly.

How about when they try

to talk to you during?

They're all, " Do you like that,

baby?

Yeah, do you like sucking my

c*ck?"

(girls laugh)

- Oh, it's the worst.

- It's the worst.

- Like when you go to the

dentist, you're just like,

(Paige gagging)

(girls laughing)

- Oh gosh.

And the more you act like you're

into it,

so that they'll come faster,

they take longer because

they actually think

you're getting turned on.

- Oh.

Stuck between a c*ck and a hard

place.

(girls laugh)

- I guess when it means a lot to

a guy,

I don't mind swallowing.

I'm sure I've swallowed worse.

- Worse?

Oh, what could you be

swallowing that would be worse?

- Okay wait, lemme get this

straight.

So what about when he goes down

on you?

I mean, there's some

involuntary swallowing

that goes on there.

- Come on.

It's a tiny bit of vag juice.

There's no comparison.

- How do you know it's

a tiny bit of vag juice?

Have you ever gone down on

someone?

- I have.

Very little swallowing.

- [All] What?

- I'm sorry, repeat.

- [Morgan] When?

- Guys, junior year of college.

- Oh, was it the girl

with the mermaid tattoo

in your art class?

- Oh, she was so beautiful.

I would've gone down on her.

She always smelled like vanilla

cupcakes.

- Okay, no.

Her name was Hailey.

I was going through a bad

breakup.

We started drinking and before I

knew it,

our clothes were off and

we were going for it.

- [Kelly] Oh my God.

- Did you like it?

- Everything but the actual

thing.

I remember being down

there and being like,

"Nope, this is not for me.

I'm definitely not a l*sbian."

But I mean, I finished the job.

What else was I gonna do?

Be like,

"Oh, sorry.

This is gross.

I'm out."

No.

- Um, yeah.

- No.

Point is,

you should see your doctor

if Michael is swallowing a

mouthful of vag*na juice.

- Oh thanks, doll, thank you.

- Yeah, you got it.

- I haven't given Tom a blowjob

since we've been married.

- Man.

I've heard that happens.

- Yeah I mean, it's tough

to find the same guy sexy

for that long.

Like with Michael,

he clips his f*cking gross a*s

toenails.

And they're flying everywhere,

and then he just leaves them.

And it's like, "Oh yeah, put

your in my mouth right now."

But it's like, you know, you do

it.

- Yeah, yeah.

See, we're not quite there yet,

but I can definitely see it

coming.

I mean, the only time Nick

even tries to touch me

is when he wants to f*ck.

I'm like, "Hello?"

- I f*cking hate Michael.

(girls laugh)

- Have you thought about

therapy?

- For what?

- Because you hate Michael.

- Oh no, no, no, no.

That's just married people talk.

- Gwen, why don't you go do a

p*nis shot

and some a*s over head pose.

Maybe it'll inspire you to suck

Tom off

when you get home tonight.

(girls laugh)

- Well, I'm sure he's getting

sucked off

by someone right now.

Oh.

Friends, sisters.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

We have the perfect marriage.

I put some kale juice in the

fridge.

I'm just gonna grab it.

- I actually don't want kale

juice.

(upbeat music)

- Oh.

(Gwen burps)

Who wants kale juice?

- I gotta pee.

- Some light reading?

- What?

- The book.

- Oh yeah.

I'm just highlighting some

parts for my mom to read.

- Oh, that's sweet.

I love that idea.

Is it for like a book club or

something?

- No, no.

This is a book about being

raised by a narcissistic mother,

and I'm highlighting the parts

that particularly pertain to

her.

- Hmm.

Oh well, that's helpful, I

guess.

- Oh.

I could never.

That would actually

break my mother's heart.

- I know.

I'll probably regret it,

but it's part of my healing

process or something.

- Only you can heal you.

Your anger hurts you,

not the person you're angry at.

- Gwen.

Shut the f*ck up.

Did that hurt you?

- Of course not.

- I know my mom shaped

my view of the world,

but I don't think she did it on

purpose.

- Until last year,

I had never eaten a vegetable

that wasn't from a can.

- Ew.

- What?

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

That's how my mom made them.

Honestly, I didn't know

that Brussels sprouts

weren't supposed to be mushy

with a slight metal taste.

- So you've never had corn on

the cob?

- Can.

- Tomatoes?

- Can.

- Oh my God, Kel.

I remember your dorm room closet

being stocked full of canned

goods.

I just always assumed

you were some kind of

insane doomsday prepper,

but this makes so much more

sense.

(bouncy music)

- Oh, yes.

Might need more blending.

Oh, f*ck.

I can never figure out f*cking

contouring.

(Paige gasps)

- [Gwen] Friends.

Sisters.

Hey.

- Yes.

- This is our time to

figure out who we are.

- I know who I am, thanks.

- I thought I did, but-

- It's like, okay.

Think about your high

school boyfriend, right?

At the time you thought he was

everything you ever wanted,

because it's all you knew.

Now, think about being married

to your high school boyfriend

today,

instead of the man of your

dreams,

who promised to treat you like a

princess.

But hey, what are promises

anyway?

- How much has she had to drink?

- I think half a glass.

- [Morgan] My God.

- [Paige] Olivia.

- What?

- [Paige] Get your butt in here.

- Oh, you know what?

Just ignore the tile, okay?

'Cause I'm gonna replace that

next week.

Just close your eyes, close your

eyes.

- I like the tile.

(Morgan laughs)

- What are you gonna do?

- What do you mean?

I'm gonna have it.

- Oh.

Yeah.

Of course.

Thank God ab*rtion will

be ill*gal again soon.

- Is it really so hard

for everybody to believe

that I could possibly want a

kid?

- No.

Now that you mention it,

I've always thought you

would be a great mom.

- Really?

Thank you.

I actually really needed to hear

that.

- Okay.

I'm lying.

I never pictured you as a mom,

but-

- No, no, no, no.

- ... it doesn't matter.

No, wait. Whatever, right?

- Oh my God.

- Oh f*ck, sorry. I'm

not very good at this.

I'm gonna go get Kelly.

Can I get Kelly?

- No, please don't get Kelly.

Please.

God.

I was gonna tell everybody

today.

And now,

after Natalie

and everybody talking about

how miserable motherhood is,

I just ...

Paige you have to promise

you are not going to breathe

a word of this to anyone.

- Oh.

Promise.

(water trickling)

- Oh sh**t.

The p*nis is melting.

I promised I'd put it

in Liz's walk-in freezer

if it started to melt.

- She has a walk-in freezer

in that tiny kitchen?

- No, in her bedroom.

- [Morgan] What?

- Well, it wouldn't fit

anywhere else until she moves.

She has 10 major events this

month.

Freezer space is so essential.

- [Morgan] Sure.

- You promised who?

- Oh, the delivery guy.

He's picking it up at 7:00

for a bachelorette party.

- I'm sorry, what?

Wait.

Someone's gonna be sucking on

what we've been slobbering

on all afternoon?

- They're getting a really good

discount.

- Kelly.

- You guys.

You think we were too hard on

Nat?

- Oh God, I don't know.

Probably.

I don't know why I do that.

I really love being a mom.

Zoe's the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

But God, when I start talking,

I sound like one of those women

they make k*ller mom

documentaries about.

- You know you love being a mom.

I mean, all your Insta

posts are about Zoe.

- Seriously.

- You're probably just still

hormonal from being pregnant.

- Yeah.

- I think it works that way.

- I find that yoga and

meditation

just eliminates my need

for emotional outbursts.

- Oh.

And what do you have to

outburst about exactly?

You married a millionaire

who pays for your every

f*cking organic everything

and never makes you give him a

blowjob.

- It sounds so magical when you

say it.

- [Morgan] Yeah.

- Ooh.

Is anybody hot?

I'm really hot.

I didn't eat.

I didn't eat much earlier,

so I'm really feeling a little

...

Oh, woo.

What were we talking about?

- I'm not totally sure.

- So you know, the key

really is self preservation.

You only have a certain amount

of energy,

so you gotta be careful

where you spend it.

You gotta stretch it out.

- [Morgan] Are you okay?

- I meant to do that,

because I bend so I don't break.

- Well, thank you for

that great tip, Gwen.

- This is fun.

- You guys ever look around and

just think

how the hell are we all still

friends?

- All the time.

So many people lose touch after

college.

We are so lucky.

- Yeah.

(phone ringing)

Oh, God damn it.

Am I not allowed one day to

myself, Mike?

When you go and play

poker with your friends,

am I calling you every five

minutes,

"Michael, oh, how do I

get the garage door open?

Michael, how do I wipe my own

f*cking a*s?

Michael, how do I do this and

that?"

What is it that you need

Michael, really?

Sorry, ladies.

I told you she likes

Cardi B before her nap.

That's what she likes.

I don't,

no, I can't walk you through it-

- Might make a documentary about

her

in a few years.

- She's unstable.

- You're so balanced, Gwen.

Seriously, how do you do it?

- See it's just, the key,

I'm gonna tell you,

you don't tell anybody,

is everything in moderation,

okay?

I'm gonna sip this one glass

for the rest of the day.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

I want a burger.

That sounds good.

- Don't you not eat red meat?

- I haven't had red meat in

years, but I want a burger.

Don't tell anybody.

- I won't.

- Don't tell anyone on my blog.

- Oh no, your blog, I love your

blog.

- I know everyone thinks I

have this super glamorous life.

- Because you constantly remind

us.

- I'm really lonely, Liv.

- [Olivia] I know.

- You do?

- Paige, no one brags that much

about how great their life is

if they're actually happy with

it.

- I do keep myself busy with my

traveling

and wearing bikinis.

So many f*cking bikinis.

The truth is I don't have

anything real in my life.

I don't live anywhere.

I don't have have that

last phone call to someone

at the end of the day.

This is probably the rose

talking, but I envy you.

No I do.

- Oh, come on.

- I do.

God chose you to be a mama, Liv.

He thought you were perfect

enough to be bonded with someone

for the rest of your life,

so He put this little baby

inside of you,

this little seed.

- Yeah.

Okay, that's so sweet.

This is not exactly how

it happened, though.

'Cause there was a recall

on my birth control

because people were getting

pregnant.

So, it's more likely.

- Still a miracle from God.

- Okay.

Yeah.

When I do tell the group,

let's just not say stuff like

that.

- Why?

- Well, because it makes it

sound like

anybody who can't get pregnant

isn't chosen by God or

something.

- We can't try to interpret

God's plans.

- Well, that's exactly what

you're doing.

- Agree to disagree.

- Okay.

- Oh my God.

When is the wedding?

- What wedding?

- You and Nick.

You're gonna wanna do it

before you start showing.

- Oh.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if we are getting

married.

- Oh Liv, come on. You're not

gonna let this baby grow up

without a stable home life.

- Are you talking to my stomach?

- There is a baby in there, Liv.

- Yeah.

- Oh my God, I'm so happy for

you.

- I know.

(upbeat music)

- f*ck.

(contents clattering)

(Gwen gulping)

Friends, sisters.

I got the essential oils.

Who wants some ylang ylang?

You want some?

Oh Kel, Kel, Kel, Kel.

Kel, Kel.

No, no, no, no, no.

You need to lift with your legs.

Let me help.

I got it.

I'm very, very strong.

- Hey, Liv. We're just gonna

throw this in your walk-in

for a couple of hours.

- Yeah.

No, that's great.

One of the perks of being an

event later,

aside from the coordinated table

runners.

- Oh

Ow.

Ow.

Oh.

- Oh.

Are you okay?

- Oh no.

I think it's broken.

I think it's broken.

No.

Definitely broken.

- Seriously, how much

has she had to drink?

- Just one glass.

- It's a very large p*nis.

- Don't break it.

- [Gwen] Okay.

- And if you guys each spend

50 bucks today on products,

you get a free sample

of charcoal toothpaste.

- [Chloe] Oh, that stuff freaks

me out.

- And I could really use the

sale.

My parents gave me the

money to invest in this

and I promised them that this

time I would stick with it.

That this time wouldn't be like

the pooper scooper business

or the Herbalife or the Trim

Spa or the kitchen gadgets.

- [Olivia] Oh, well, I

still use my garlic peeler.

- See?

That was a good purchase.

- Yeah, I use my personalized

ice pick all the time.

Speaking of which, when are

they coming to get that p*nis?

I never got a picture with it.

- Oh, 7:00.

We'll bring it back out before

then.

Just needs a couple of

hours in the deep freeze.

Okay.

This one is called Thriller

and it is for brightening and

tightening.

And this one is called Beat It

and it helps get rid of

toxins and blemishes.

- [Natalie] Is that the

one that you put on me?

That Thriller one?

- I think so.

- [Natalie] Very tingly.

- That means it's working.

With each tingling sensation,

imagine thousands of

toxins and free radicals

being sucked out of your abused

pores.

- I don't really want to imagine

that,

but thank you.

- Yeah.

I'm feeling the tingling

sensation

and it's almost even

moving into like a burning.

- Yeah, me too, me too, me too.

- Yeah, you know what?

I'm actually, I'm with Liv on

that.

It is burning.

Is that normal?

- It's weird.

- Uh-huh, totally

- [Natalie] Okay.

Now I'll just set the

timer for 15 minutes-

- [Natalie] sh*t, this is

actually,

really seriously hurting.

Kel, your face is not burning

right now?

- Something is wrong.

- Nope.

Feels refreshing.

- No, no, no, no.

This hurts

I gotta get this off.

- Okay, no.

Okay.

- Kelly, it's not coming off.

Why is this not coming off?

Kelly it's not coming

off, it really hurts.

- Guys, come on. I do

these masques all the time.

This is totally normal.

- Something is happening.

- Just a few more minutes.

(girls exclaim)

- Oh, oh.

Oh that burns.

(girls screaming)

- You don't need to wash your

faces.

Don't wash your faces.

(girls screaming)

- No wait for me, wait for me.

- You guys are being ridiculous.

(girls screaming)

(water splashing)

(Kelly screaming)

- Are you in labor?

Are you in labor?

Oh my God, oh my God.

Give her room people, give her

room.

Woman with child, woman with

child.

Hey Liv, I'm-

- Shut up, Paige.

- Damn, I was just-

- I said, shut up.

I don't wanna hear it.

You promised.

- I can't believe you told

Paige before the rest of us.

- Yeah.

How could you do this to

Natalie?

Today of all days.

- I did not do anything to

Natalie.

You guys, this is exactly

what I was trying to avoid.

If you wanna be pissed off at

somebody,

be pissed at Paige.

- Okay.

- Well, once we all calm down,

I think we can all agree

that this is amazing news,

no matter how or when we found

out.

And that our faces

aren't really that burnt.

- Thanks, Kelly.

I mean, for the first part of

that.

- [Natalie] Yeah, I agree.

I'm really happy for you.

- We're all so happy for you

because nothing ever works

out for perfect Olivia.

Thank God something finally went

your way.

Something which, by the

way, you didn't even want.

- The f*ck?

Okay, you need to stop right

now.

- [Gwen] Oh, do I?

- [Olivia] Yeah.

- Do I?

Do I?

You know what?

Hey,

maybe I do.

Maybe I do need to stop.

Stop, what?

Where are we?

Okay, look.

You guys have no idea

what it's like to be me.

- You are absolutely

right about that, Gwen.

No idea what it's like to be so

rich

that I stage impromptu photo

shoots for my bullshit business

that my husband totally pays

for.

You are absolutely right about

that, Gwen.

- "Friends, friends.

Have you had your caviar facial

today?

Oh, don't forget to work out

300 f*cking days in a row."

- No, no.

Yoga is not a workout,

it is a work in, okay?

I inspire people.

Have you ever tried to

help people live the path

or follow their passion?

"Hi, I'm Morgan, 'Michael.'

I'm a mom, and that makes

everything I do

so much more important than

anything

that anyone has ever done

in the history of the world.

But I'm still gonna

complain about it anyway."

You know what, guys?

Be the change,

sisters and friends.

You never fail until you see the

darkness

in the stars, okay?

Until you let go of what you are

and I become what I might be.

- I hear you, Gwen.

It must be so hard to wanna

help people all the time.

- Wow.

So now you're turning against me

too.

Okay, I get it.

- No, I'm agreeing with you.

- You know what?

Forget it.

Just forget it, okay?

- Why don't we go inside and

get you something to eat, okay?

- Why?

So you could just talk about my

back?

That you know nothing about.

You know what, you guys?

Just forget it.

- You know what?

I would just like to say

that I know what it's like

to have a passion.

- Yeah, you're not the

only one with vision, Gwen.

- Thank you.

- We're trying to say

that we're on your side.

- I would not go that far.

- You know what?

If anyone should be pissed

about feeling unsupported,

it's me.

Have any of you ever canvased

for me?

Or knocked on people's doors

or volunteered to text?

It's f*cking texting, you

assholes.

I've invited you to rallies,

fundraisers.

You will go to Kelly's polygamy

dinner,

but God forbid you waste any of

your time

on something insignificant,

like the future of our f*cking

country.

- Which is in great f*cking

shape,

by the way.

- Oh, Jesus.

- No, you know what?

Shame on you.

Just because we're friends

doesn't mean I have to run

around town

supporting your liberal

tree-hugging,

snowflake a*s-

- Oh my God, oh my God.

- ... political views.

- Oh my God, oh my God.

- Oh my God.

Can we get back to me, okay?

I have an image, okay?

People expect me to live a

certain way and

here I am,

almost a 30 year old woman-

- Okay, no, you are 32

like the rest of us.

- And my husband of less than

three years,

is already out f*cking

every blonde pair of t*ts

he can get his hands on.

Which let me tell you, in

Orange County, is a lot.

And you.

Oh, you think you're the only

one?

You think you're the only one

who didn't wanna get pregnant?

But then did want a

baby, and then you tried,

but you couldn't have one.

So you sh**t yourself up with

hormones,

but that doesn't work.

So you get some eggs, but

none of those are good.

So we'll just freeze those.

But hey, at least I can have

f*cking sushi whenever I want.

- Gwen-

- No, I don't wanna hear it,

okay?

Especially from you.

And not from any of you

who aren't listening to

a f*cking word I've said.

- We're listening.

- I'm standing here listening.

- Hey, what the f*ck happened to

my milk?

- I may have drank it all.

- Ew.

- What?

She was just gonna throw it out

anyway.

- Oh, Jesus.

- You okay?

- No, no, no.

- [All] Oh.

Oh.

- It's just a little acid

reflux, friends.

Nothing to worry about.

- [All] Oh.

- I hope no one was looking

forward to an evening swim.

- No, I'll clean it, I clean.

Where's your scooper?

But it's very, it's

actually very cleansing.

Very cleansing for you.

You should try it.

But that's okay 'cause

that was the last of it.

Oh no wait, there's more.

I think might have

drank a little too much.

(upbeat music)

- I'm sorry about Tom.

- Yeah.

He was a total douchebag when I

knew him.

I just never said anything

because-

- Because you thought I

deserved to be with a douchebag.

- What?

No, stop it.

Because I'd never seen you so

happy, Gwen.

I didn't wanna be the one

to ruin whatever it was

you thought you had.

I thought about it.

Trust me.

When I saw how pissed you got

when I said he'd seen

my boobs, I was like,

"Well, sh*t.

If I tell her he slept with

every dumb wh*re in SoCal,

I might push her over the edge."

So, I kept my mouth shut.

I wore that ugly bridesmaids

dress,

and I told him at the wedding,

"You keep your d*ck and your

pants once that ring is on."

- You did?

- Yeah, I did.

- Thank you.

- Maybe you can't get

pregnant because of him.

It could totally be his sperm.

- Yeah, he probably has

a super low sperm count

cause of all the drugs.

Antidepressants.

- And cocaine.

- Ooh, what?

I did not know that.

sh*t.

- See?

There you go.

- Probably ruined your

perception of me.

Newsflash.

I'm a mess.

- We know.

- I like you like this better.

It reminds me of college Gwen.

- Yeah, me too.

- Can I tell you guys something?

- [Natalie] Anything.

- Sure.

- I f*cking hate yoga.

- What?

- Wait.

Wait.

So the whole 300 days

of yoga was bullshit?

- Oh no.

Oh that's true.

Only because I'm f*cking the

instructor.

(Natalie laughs)

- What?

- He's very flexible.

He is.

(Kelly chewing)

- Kelly.

Gum.

- Oh, sorry.

- Yeah.

- I'm worried about Gwen.

- Yeah, that spiraled

outta control really fast.

- Thanks.

- Babe, it's for the gum.

- Ooh, great idea.

It was a fresh piece, I

will save it for later.

I'm worried Gwen has a drinking

problem.

- Yeah and an anger management

problem.

And I don't know, probably

a chemical imbalance.

This day has been a disaster.

- No, don't say that.

It's early, we can still turn it

around.

We haven't even done your gift

bags yet.

- Oh, yeah.

The gift bags.

That's actually how I

was gonna tell you guys

about the baby.

I put a little picture of the

sonogram in there and it says,

"Will you beat my godmoms?" on

it.

- My God.

I love that so much.

Can I see the sonogram?

- Yeah, sure.

- Oh my God.

So beautiful.

And it's inside of you.

- It's so crazy, right?

- Yeah.

- I know I always said that

I never wanted to be a mom-

- You don't have to

explain anything to me.

- Thank you.

This is gonna have to be

the last time we do this.

Do you ever think that

we've all just grown apart?

- No, it has just been a

weird and an emotional day.

- Yeah.

Or maybe this is the universe's

way of telling us that-

- What?

- Oh my God.

- What?

- I just realized,

I don't think I like my friends

anymore.

Oh no baby.

I still love you.

- Okay.

- This makes me a horrible

person, doesn't it?

- No.

Is this because I burned your

faces?

(both laugh)

- No.

Oh my God.

I mean, that wasn't great, but-

- No, it definitely wasn't.

No.

- No.

Oh.

- [Paige] So you don't

like us anymore, Liv?

- I-

- Honestly, at least

someone finally said it.

What?

Come on, is anyone really

happy to be here right now?

- I am.

- Okay.

It's not,

it has been an emotional

day and that's not,

it's not what I meant.

- What exactly did you mean,

then?

- Yeah, not too many other

meanings for,

"I don't like them."

- You know what?

This probably should

have happened years ago.

- No, no, no, no.

Come on.

- No, Liv.

She's right.

- Oh, now you're on my side?

- Okay guys, this was very

clearly taken out of context,

and that's not what I was trying

to say.

I wasn't talking about any

of you specifically, Morgan.

I'm just saying that

after all of these years,

we have all changed so much,

right?

And I don't know,

maybe we're just hanging on to

something

that lived in a very

special moment in time.

And we should just appreciate

that for what it is

instead of trying to

force some relationship

purely based on our history

together.

I could also be wrong because

now that I'm hearing that,

that sounds so ridiculous.

- Yeah.

- So who is up for some karaoke?

- Woo.

- You know what, Liv?

You're not that easy to

be around either, okay?

You never have been.

But you're my friend,

and so I put up with your

perfectionist, controlling

bullshit.

I pretend to be interested

while you ramble on about

your event locations

and your edible terrariums.

And then I go home and b*tch

about you

for two hours to Pete,

because that is friendship.

You hold the rest of the world

to some unattainable standard

and you finally turn the

f*cking measuring stick on us.

You finally realize that you

are too good to be our friend.

- I don't think she was saying

that, Nat.

- So you don't like my edible

terrariums?

- Does anyone?

- No.

- No.

- Not-

(mellow music)

(keys clicking)

Yeah I forgot all the things

I wanted to do tonight

Oh yeah

I forgot all the things I

wanted to do with my life

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

Oh yeah oh yeah

- [Kelly] Oh, okay.

- Got it?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Thanks, Liv.

The guy will be here any

minute to pick it up.

- Well, you're the only

one still talking to me.

So that's the least I can do.

Oh my God.

Can we just leave it here?

- Paige wants a picture

with it by the pool.

- Does she really?

Seriously?

Okay.

Yes.

Fine.

That will be super cute, super

cute.

Okay.

- And then we can watch the

slideshow?

- I don't think anybody wants to

do that.

- What?

We have to have a slideshow.

We always have a slideshow.

It is tradition, Liv.

- I know.

I just don't think it's

appropriate, okay?

Not after everything

that's happened today.

- Come on, please.

- Okay, can we just not

have this conversation

while we're holding a

giant ice p*nis please.

- [Kelly] Oh yeah, sure.

- [Olivia] Okay.

- [Kelly] Okay

Keep going.

Keep going.

- [Olivia] I'm going.

- [Kelly] Keep going.

- [Olivia] I'm going.

- Keep going.

- [Olivia] Kel.

- Okay, hear

- [Olivia] Okay.

- Be careful.

Careful.

- Okay.

- Careful.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

Okay.

Well, I have an idea.

How about we get a group picture

together

before this thing goes away?

Come on, I'll start.

- Kel, I think maybe we

should just call it a day.

- I need by the bikini picture.

- [Olivia] Come on, Kelly.

- Kelly, will you take it?

- Yeah, sure.

- I can take it.

And that way I can get

one of you and Kelly both.

- Yeah, come on, Paige.

Let's get a picture together.

Come on.

- I want one by myself.

- Come on, Kelly didn't

do anything to you.

Just let me take the picture.

- It's not about doing anything.

I just said no.

- Can you just not be

a child for one second?

Just let me take it.

- Okay, it's my business,

so I'm just saying-

- It's one picture, Paige.

(girls scream)

- [All] Oh.

- No.

- Oh my God.

- We have to get it out.

- Who's we?

I'm not getting in there

- I'll lose my deposit

and my boss will k*ll me

and I promised I'd have this

ready

for the bachelorette party.

You guys.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- No.

- No, don't do it.

(girls scream)

(water splashes)

- Oh my God, that's so

disgusting.

- Oh no.

- No.

- f*ck it.

- No.

(water splashes)

- Okay f*ck it, all right I'm

going in.

- You too?

- What?

(water splashes)

(upbeat music)

(girls screaming)

- Oh my God.

- Where is it?

- Gwen, this is your f*cking

puke.

Why aren't you in here?

- I'm still a little queezy.

- Jesus.

- All right guys.

I peed in the pool, I'm sorry.

- Oh perfect.

That's perfect, thank you.

- Does anybody wanna take a sh*t

now

just so we can cover all the

bases?

- You guys got it.

- Lift from under.

Under.

- Yeah, you got it.

- Use your legs.

- Will you quit hogging the end?

- Stop trying to elbow me in the

face.

- Then move your face.

- You move your face.

- Guys, guys, let's focus

so that we can stop

swimming in Gwen's puke.

- Well, you're also swimming

in Morgan's pee, so-

- Okay, thank you, Gwen.

Thank you for pointing that out.

(girls groaning)

- Damn it, Gwen.

You had it.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Just stop yelling at me, okay?

You know what?

It's very slippery.

- Okay, okay.

We need something to hold it.

- The face masques.

Stuff sticks to everything.

- Oh f*ck.

I can't believe we're doing

this.

(girls groaning)

I can't believe we're doing

this.

- You can't believe we're doing

this?

- Hurry.

- Okay.

My hands are burning, they're

burning.

- Stop it. Let me get a good

grip.

- Damn it do not boss me around,

you're not my mother.

- Well apparently it's my one

f*cking job so let me do it.

- Oh, pardon me.

- Okay, fine, fine. No

one's gonna make fun of me?

Hi, I'm Gwen-

- Oh, shut up, Gwen.

- Damn it.

f*cking g*dd*mn stop it, f*cking

stop it.

Get over yourselves and help me.

p*nis.

Now.

- [All] Okay, okay.

- All right, come on.

One,

two-

(girls scream)

(girls cheer)

(upbeat music)

- I love you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Sorry.

- Sorry.

(upbeat music)

- Oh.

- We saved the p*nis.

- We saved the p*nis.

- We did.

(mellow music)

- So-

- So.

- Yep.

- Mm-hmm.

- Are we-

- Done?

- [Olivia] Yeah.

- It's so sad.

I can't.

I don't know how you guys are

holding it together so well.

- I'm actually not that upset.

- I know, me either.

It's the best mood I've

been in in a while.

- You know you guys, we don't

have to do this every year.

- It's actually kind of a

relief.

- Yeah

- No more pretending.

- No more gift bags.

- I love those so much.

(girls laugh)

- Guys, this really f*cking

adult of us.

I mean, who just decides to not

be friends

with the people they've been

friends with for 10 years?

- I guess us.

- Yeah.

- Liberating.

- I actually feel this huge

weight

lifted off of my shoulders, you

guys.

I think we were all trying to

hang on

to what brought us together

in the first place.

- Even though we aren't

the same people anymore.

- I am.

- Kel.

Be honest.

If you met me today, would

you wanna be my friend?

- Well, maybe not today.

(girls laugh)

- I wouldn't.

- Me neither.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

So-

- Yeah.

I will miss the idea of us.

- Yeah, me too.

- Wait.

Where's everyone going?

- [All] Home.

- No, come on you guys.

We have to watch the slideshow.

We always end by watching the

slideshow.

- Honey, have you been here

for the last five minutes?

- Kelly, no one's in the

mood to watch a slideshow.

- But we always have a

slideshow.

It is tradition.

- I love you.

But Natalie's right.

I mean, come on.

- But it celebrates our

friendship and our memories.

And if you guys aren't those

people

and this is the last time

and we're not gonna do this

anymore,

then let's celebrate what we

had,

because it was something.

It was.

- Here's to the last one.

(mellow music)

- [Olivia] Rose All Day.

- [Natalie] In May-

- [Kelly] So we won't drift

away-

- [Gwen] In Orange County-

- [Chloe] Or have to drive on 12

freeways-

- [Morgan] Even if I

have to drink cranberry-

- [Paige] And that's all there

is to say.

My love for you will always

grow

Even though sometimes

it's hard to show

How much you mean to me I know



You can believe in me forever

more

Forever more

You make yourself stronger

With every kiss

You make yourself stronger

I can't resist no more

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

My thoughtful mind goes out

the door

Each time I hear your

footsteps across my floor

I don't want nobody else

Nobody else

No I don't want nobody else

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

You make yourself stronger

With every kiss

You make yourself stronger

I can't resist no more

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love

It's all love oh oh oh

Love love love