(light jazz music)
(light jazz music continues)
- [Jennifer] Hey, Ian.
I thought your profile
was funny and smart.
It's refreshing to come across
someone on this site whose
idea of literature extends
beyond David Sedaris.
Write me back if you'd
like to talk more.
By the way, I liked
your Bunuel quote.
- [Ian] Hi, Jennifer.
Sorry it took me a
day to write back.
I'm outta town visiting
family and haven't
been checking this site.
I'm actually not a
fan of Bunuel's films,
or maybe I'm not deep
enough to understand them.
I just saw that quote somewhere
and it resonated with me,
probably my Catholic upbringing.
Hope you're doing well.
- [Jennifer] No problem about
getting back to me right away.
If you don't mind me
asking, where are you?
Like what part of the country?
Anyway, I'm just studying.
Let me know when you're back.
PS, are you Irish?
Hey, I hope you don't
think this is forward,
but here's my email if you
wanna contact me directly.
I'm taking a break from online
dating and won't be checking
my profile regularly.
Oh my God, I'm such a dork.
I didn't give you my email.
Here it is:
Bonus points if you can name who
that song's by
without looking it up.
- Hi Jenny, it's Ian
from the internet.
Lol.
We have now moved to
direct email communication.
Always a big step.
Okay, first thing's first,
the song is by Tommy Tutone,
which is a power pop
band, not a person.
I swear I didn't look that
up and it's 5:00 AM here.
I'm in Providence, Rhode Island.
My brother lives here with
his wife and my two nieces.
My mother also lives here.
My family owns property in
New England, which I manage,
so I travel out here
three, four times a year.
It is my hope that you come
from a healthy, normal family.
I do not.
Tonight my mother got
so drunk at a restaurant
she fell down in the
lady's room and had
to be taken to the hospital.
I'm just now getting
back to the hotel.
She's fine. 10 stitches.
All this probably sounds so
much like a Eugene O'Neal play
that I don't even need to
bother answering your question,
but yes, I'm Irish.
My last name's O'Connor.
I'm gonna be back
in LA next Friday.
If this email hasn't
scared you off,
maybe we could grab a
coffee or something.
By the way, what do you study?
- Ian, I'm not sure
where to start.
First off, I'm really
sorry about your mother.
I know you said that she's fine,
but that must be really hard.
Second, nothing you
said scared me off.
Everybody has a family
and no one's is perfect.
Anyway, you had me
at Tommy Tutone.
Also, not to be nitpicky,
but you misspelled O'Neill.
It's N-E-I-L-L, not N-E-A-L.
Hey, I feel shitty about
correcting your spelling.
I don't know why I did that.
I know we haven't met yet,
but you're intriguing.
I'd love to have coffee
when you're back.
In the meantime,
if you wanna tell me
anything about yourself,
what your childhood was like,
where you went to school,
how many times you've been
in love, anything, please do.
Oh, you asked me
what I'm studying.
I'm getting my MFand MSW at UCLA.
- Let's see, what can I
tell you about myself?
I had a pretty normal childhood
except my family was a bit
of a mess in a way that you
wouldn't see if you were just
looking at the
outside of our house.
I have two brothers,
the one I'm visiting
now and my other brother
who passed away
about 10 years ago.
My father's also dead,
Moving right along (laughs).
How's that for a segue?
I went to Boston College.
If you don't count my
eighth grade girlfriend,
I've been in love twice.
The first time was
in my twenties.
The most recent was
with a woman I broke up
with about six months ago.
It's been difficult.
She had small children, and
to be honest, I miss them.
There's much more to all this,
but that's enough about me.
Now you go.
- Ian, I'm just gonna
say it. I like you.
I like the way you write
and express yourself.
All my friends are on Bumble
and Tinder and I hate the idea
of dismissing someone
or being dismissed
with a swipe in a few seconds.
I much prefer getting to
know someone like this.
I'm actually really enjoying it.
Okay, my turn.
I'm from Northern California.
I had a perfect childhood.
I have a sister who's awesome.
Both of my parents are
college professors.
They're still madly in love.
I went to Berkeley.
I've only been in love once.
It was my college
boyfriend who was actually
my first boyfriend.
I can't believe you had a
girlfriend in eighth grade.
I'm pretty sure I
was still playing
with dolls in eighth grade.
Anyways, we were
together for 15 years.
We never married and we
broke up 10 months ago,
so dating is all
pretty new to me.
Don't feel obligated,
but I'm curious what happened
with your brother and father.
I'm really sorry
that you lost them.
Also, why did you
move to Los Angeles?
- Hi. I like how you
write back so fast.
I'll be better about that now
because I got in a
fight with my brother,
so I'll be at the hotel
more and not visiting him.
I kind of regret bringing
up my brother and father.
This is supposed to be
light and fun, isn't it?
Anyway, short answer is
my brother died from drugs
and my father died from alcohol.
There's something you
should know about me.
I don't really do anything.
I moved to LA mostly
for the weather.
I inherited enough money
to live comfortably.
My job isn't demanding at all.
I play golf every day and I
go out to dinner seven nights
a week mostly 'cause it just
gives me somewhere to go.
This was all a bit of a problem
in my last relationship.
My ex-girlfriend always said
that I was too independent,
too self-contained, which
I still don't understand.
That's probably
enough for right now.
I've been in therapy for the
last eight years and writing
like this kind of
reminds me of it,
except you actually talk back.
- Eight years of therapy, huh?
I've actually never
been to therapy,
but I'm starting this week.
Part of getting the MFis you have to do 50 hours
of therapy yourself.
Okay. My relationship.
His name was Ben.
Is Ben.
I know that 15 years
sounds like a long time,
but I'm not sure I was ever
really in love with him.
At least not the way
you're supposed to be.
It was more like we were our
friends or brother and sister.
That's the hardest
thing is that I let
all those years go by.
I regret it.
I feel like it
stunted me a little.
There's something kind
of intense about this,
I'm beginning to feel
like most of my life
is just this boring thing that
happens in between
getting emails from you.
You can call me
sometime if you want.
I'm a little worried
you're catfishing me.
(phone dings)
That might be the
cutest f*cking thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Are you at your brother's?
- No, I took that pic with
the girls a few days ago.
We're still not speaking.
- Tell me if I'm prying,
but what happened?
- We got into an argument.
We were both drinking.
It was silly.
- Care to elaborate?
- (sighs) I don't know
how we got on the subject,
but my brother
spanks his children.
I know it's none of my
business, but it pisses me off.
- What?
He spanks those two
gorgeous little girls?
It is your business.
He spanks them in front of you?
- No, and it's not
like he beats them.
They're happy kids.
I just have an issue with it,
it was how we were raised.
- Gotcha.
- My brother is very religious,
he's very Republican.
Add alcohol and here we we are.
- Seems like there's a lot
of drinking in your family.
- I told you, Eugene O'Neill.
- Ha ha.
- I really let myself
down with that one,
I was trying to impress you
with the literary reference
and I misspell the name.
What an as*h*le.
- No, I'm the as*h*le.
I should have just let it go.
- I just booked my ticket back.
What are you doing Saturday?
- Something with you I hope.
- Done. I'm looking
forward to it.
- Me too.
Probably too much.
What are you looking for?
I just wanna make sure
we're on the same page here.
- I don't know what you mean.
- Like from this, from
dating, from life in general.
- I've learned to have
zero expectations.
If you're nice, I'll be happy.
Anything else is a bonus.
- That sounds oh, so
logical and reasonable.
- What do you want me to say?
What are you looking for?
- Nothing as long as you don't
kick me or spit in my face,
what more could I ask for?
(both laughing)
- Oh, well that's
not what I meant.
- No, I know.
It's stupid for me to ask
what you're looking for.
We haven't even gone
on one date yet.
But to answer your question,
I want the fairytale,
my best friend who I can't
keep my hands off of.
That's what my parents have.
(Ian hums)
- I use my parents
as a standard too,
except I want the exact
opposite of everything they had.
(Jennifer laughs)
- Were they divorced?
- No, but they should have been.
They were old school
Catholic. Same as my brother.
- What about you?
- I don't believe in any of it.
- I think I could
have guessed that.
- Oh really? How?
- There's a pessimism
oozing out of your texts.
I don't know, I
believe in something.
Love maybe, nature.
I believe there's
good in this world.
- Send me a pic of you like
right now, wherever you are.
- I look awful.
- Come on. No excuses.
I sent you the one
with my nieces.
(Jennifer sighs)
(phone dings)
- Do I pass the test?
- That wasn't why I asked.
- Send me one of you.
(phone dings)
Jesus, you're f*cking hot.
Too hot. How are
you not married?
Well that pic's going
in my porn stash.
(Ian chuckles)
- Lol.
Do you believe I'm not
catfishing you now?
- You've convinced me.
- Jennifer, something's
been echoing in my head.
I feel kind of bad that I told
you about my brother spanking
his kids and alluding to
that sort of thing going
on in my own childhood.
It's difficult, you're very
easy to talk to and open up to,
but I don't want you thinking
that my childhood was some
sort of gothic horror story.
It wasn't.
I also want to be honest with
you about my ex-girlfriend,
whose name is
Michelle, by the way.
I'm not completely over her.
I mean we're broken up for
good, but it's still with me.
I miss her and her kids.
I only tell you this
because I feel like
we've built up some
anticipation here.
You're telling me you
want the fairytale,
and truth is, I'm still
a little banged up.
Probably more than
I'd like to admit.
- Hmm.
I do admire you for
being so open with me,
but I kind of feel like you
broke the spell a little bit.
Something definitely has
been happening between us.
Even if it's just over email
and text, it feels meaningful.
That said, you're still
hung up on your ex,
which only time can heal.
I just have to temper
my expectations,
and not that they
were super high.
I guess I do want the fairytale,
but I didn't mean with
you on our first date.
I just meant eventually
with someone.
One thing, your conflicted
feelings over telling me
about the abuse you suffered
as a child is just shame.
It's a classic response.
I study this every day.
You have nothing to
be ashamed about.
I actually think
more highly of you
for being able to admit it.
- Thanks for
everything you said,
but I wanna get a
couple things straight.
I'm not hung up on Michelle
or still in love with her.
It's just we were
together for four years.
You know, there was kids
involved who I saw every day.
It was sad and it's
still kind of sad.
That's all I wanted
to communicate.
Second, you said I
was abused as a child,
as if that was just a given.
That's not what it was like.
Even if it was,
you weren't there.
Look, I know you meant well,
but it's not for you to say.
(phone dings)
- Are you there?
(phone dings)
- Yeah, just watching tv.
- I'm sorry I said that
about your childhood.
It wasn't my place.
I overstepped.
- Forget it. I got
a little touchy.
- I didn't mean it
the way it came out.
Nuance gets lost
on email and text.
- It's okay.
- I do feel like I know you,
all this has been
like six dates.
- Oh, well it has.
- You may not still be
hung up on Michelle,
but it does still seem like
you have feelings for her.
- Guess I do.
- Has she moved on? Is
she seeing someone else?
- I don't know and I
don't want to know.
- What happened with you guys?
Why didn't it work out?
- Never figured that out.
We were very different.
Maybe too different.
Why didn't it work for you?
- With Ben?
A lot of reasons,
but we never had sex.
- What's never?
- Oh god, this is bad,
but we didn't have sex once
in the last three years.
- What?
You had no sex at
all for three years?
- Um, now I am uncomfortable.
- Why? What happened?
- I'm not proud of this,
but I had an affair.
- Is that what ended it?
- No, Ben forgave me
and then we went back
to never having sex
for the last year.
Say something! I feel judged.
- Relax, I was just
getting into bed.
I don't think any less of you.
- You really don't?
Be honest.
- No, I'm far from perfect.
- So you've cheated on someone?
(Ian laughs)
- Lol. Are you drinking?
- Two glasses of
wine, now maybe three.
How can you tell?
- It's oozing out of your
texts like my pessimism did.
(Jennifer laughs)
- Did you ever
cheat on Michelle?
That's a yes.
- Not really. I came close once.
- Out with it! I told you.
- Fine.
It was stupid.
I was leasing a car
and as I was leaving,
the saleswoman
gave me her number.
- So what happened?
- We texted back and
forth, plans were made,
I chickened out.
- Yeah right.
- No, I swear it.
We didn't do anything.
- Well hold on, you texted
her or you sexted her?
(Ian laughs)
- Lol. The second one.
(phone dings)
- That's cheating.
- I know, but don't I get
some credit for stopping
it before it happened
in the flesh?
- No.
- (laughs) Lol.
- Would you mind
stopping with the LOLs?
We're not 15.
I prefer haha to
signify laughter.
- I use LOL all the time.
- I've noticed.
Trust me, haha is better.
So tell me something she
said when you were sexting.
- I didn't make a transcript.
- Come on. I've
never sexted before.
I wanna know how this happens,
like how does it start?
- Jesus.
I probably asked her
what she was wearing.
She sent me pics.
- Naked?
- No, in a snowsuit.
- That's nuts, she
didn't even know you.
Tell me something she said.
- It's too
embarrassing, I can't.
- Yes, you can. Go.
- We just went through, you
know, what we'd do if we met.
- And?
- She told me she
liked to be submissive.
She wanted me to bend her
over, pull her hair, et cetera.
- Hot.
Did you like that?
- I did.
- Did you go into more detail?
Did you describe putting
your mouth all over her body?
- Yes.
- Did she talk about
sucking your c*ck?
- She did.
- Did you touch yourself?
- Yes.
- You said you're in bed. Are
you touching yourself now?
- No.
Are you?
- Maybe.
(light dramatic music)
Hi, Ian.
It was fun texting
with you last night,
especially at the end.
I wanna tell you
about my affair.
I was buzzed and feel like
I was too casual about it.
I just want you to
know the whole story.
I met Ben when I
was really young.
Immediately we were
like this unit.
I supported him through
architecture school
and afterwards I
always put his needs before
mine and my identity was just
totally wrapped up in his.
School was great for him,
but afterwards
things got harder.
His firm failed.
He kept getting laid off
and having to start over.
Then he started to have
serious issues with depression.
This went on for years.
It began to feel
like he was drowning
and pulling me down with him.
My wonderful mother convinced
me to quit waitressing
and go back to school, which
honestly saved my life.
There was a guy in
one of my classes.
He was older, going through
something similar with his wife.
You have to understand
that I had never kissed
anyone other than Ben.
It was like a nuclear
b*mb went off.
Still, I know that it was wrong,
but it was a big reason for
why I eventually broke up
with Ben, which
needed to happen.
One of the things I'm proudest
of is that I didn't let this
destroy me or make me cynical.
I'm embarrassed that I told
you I want the fairytale,
but I don't wanna
apologize for it.
I know that it's
not you right now,
but I believe that someone
somewhere is my person.
Maybe that's corny,
but it's the truth and
I'm not ashamed of it.
- Hey Jennifer, I guess
we have time to get
a few more long emails in.
I found once you meet
someone in person,
things transition to just
texting or the phone.
I didn't judge you for having
an affair when you mentioned
it, but now with this
context I totally get it.
I respect what you're
saying about love.
I don't know, though, these
days love reminds me of cocaine.
I'm not sure if the
high is worth the part
where you come down.
- Ian, you're a pessimist and
still a little heartbroken
so this is probably pointless,
but I hope you know
that love isn't cocaine.
Not that I've ever done cocaine,
but I believe that when it's
right, you never come down.
One thing that you
said in your email
made me a little uneasy.
You said that things usually
transition to texts and phone
calls after you meet in person.
Is this something
you do all the time?
Do you have like a
playbook or something?
If so, good for you.
I just thought you said
you'd never done this before.
- Jennifer, come on.
Are you really upset?
I mean, I have dated
in the last six months
since I broke up with Michelle.
There hasn't been anything
like this, but yes,
I do have some experience
and I never said otherwise.
I'm not sure what
you're so upset about.
I don't know what's happening,
but there's been an
edge to things lately.
Maybe we should just stop
emailing and hang out
when I come back.
I don't wanna f*ck this
up before we've even met.
- Ian, I'm not upset at all,
I said I was just
a little uneasy.
That's it.
What edge are you talking about?
Again, you can't really tell
tone over email and text,
but maybe you're right
that we should stop this.
I would like to talk to
you once on the phone
before we meet in person.
Is that okay?
- Hey, just got back to my room.
Had a few beers with my
brother and we made up.
- (chuckles) Jeez,
you really are Irish.
- Haha.
I wanna say something.
You weren't kidding
earlier when you asked
if I do this all the time.
I didn't miss the tone,
you were jealous or
insecure or something.
- That's not true.
- Come on.
You asked if there was
a playbook that I go by.
It was snarky.
- No, it was a joke.
Ian, why won't you call me?
I have gently suggested
it a few times.
- I'm happy to call you.
Do you want me to call you?
I'll call you right now.
- Yes!
(phone ringing)
Ian, I know we said we were
gonna have radio silence
until we meet in person,
but I just wanted to
say how nice it was
to finally talk on the phone.
You were right. I was insecure.
I just got a little freaked out.
It was neurotic.
I know that this is how
people do things now,
but I guess I'm just
not totally comfortable
meeting someone this way.
It's weird.
Have you googled me?
'Cause I have cyber stalked
you, or at least I've tried to.
You don't have much
of an online presence.
That is a lonely Facebook page.
I did come across your
father's obituary.
It just popped up when
I typed in your name.
He sounds like a
very impressive man.
I know you don't like
to talk about it,
but you've been through
a lot losing your brother
and your father.
I don't know what I'd be
like if I lost my sister.
I would crumble.
You're very strong.
- So much for radio silence.
I can't sleep.
It's hard being
around my family.
I love seeing my nieces, but
when I look into their eyes,
I see the same sort of fear
and confusion that I felt
as a kid, it's a lot
like how I grew up.
There's this anger
and resentment boiling
just under the surface that
everybody's in denial about.
Sorry, being morbid.
See you soon.
- I wanna tread lightly
here, but I can't resist.
I feel sorry for your nieces.
If it's just the occasional
pat on the bottom,
that's one thing, but
if it's anything more...
I already feel
myself overstepping.
Forgive me, this just happens
to be my life's calling.
It's what I do.
I'll just say this,
maybe try to have a calm
conversation with your brother.
Don't raise your voice,
don't accuse him of anything.
Just try to open the floor
to have a discussion,
preferably when
you're both sober.
Okay, that's it.
Back to radio silence.
- Hey, I was about to go to bed,
but I had to write you first.
I was actually a
little annoyed when
you suggested I
talked to my brother.
I mean, you don't know him.
He's not easy to talk to.
He has a very short fuse.
But when we had a moment
alone, I just went for it.
It was rough at first.
He got very defensive and we
went around in circles for some
time, but then outta
nowhere he just broke down.
I've never seen him cry.
And he said he's not gonna
spank the girls anymore.
Shocked me. I'm still shocked.
So I just wanted
to say thank you.
It's been so strange getting
to know you like this.
I've told you things
I've never told anyone,
and at times I haven't known
quite what to make of it,
but tonight it all
kind of made sense.
I think I was supposed to
meet you and I look forward
to getting to know you better.
(Jennifer gasps)
(light music)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(phone dings)
Just landed.
Waiting for my Uber.
- You should have told me, I
would've come to pick you up.
I'm not doing anything
tonight. You know?
- Let's stick to the
plan. It's getting late.
- So, dinner then?
- I actually had
something else in mind.
- What?
- Well, I live near this park.
I thought I could grab
a couple sandwiches,
we could sit on a blanket, talk.
- Oh, I didn't figure you
for a picnic kind of guy.
- I mean, it's no big deal.
We can still do dinner.
- No, no. I want the picnic.
What time?
(phone dings)
- I'm here.
- Me too. This park is huge.
Where are you?
- I'm on the northeast
corner by the lawn bowling.
- I have no idea which
way northeast is.
What is lawn bowling?
- Look around,
describe what you see.
- I think I see you.
Black jacket?
- Yes, I'm waving.
(phone dings)
- That was the most
delicious sandwich
I've ever had.
- (laughs) Haha. Bay Cities.
- You have a really nice car.
I wish I could afford
an electric car.
I was sad when we said bye.
I didn't want our
conversation to end.
Was I what you expected?
- Yeah.
It wasn't weird at all,
I felt like I knew you.
- I felt totally
comfortable with you.
You're taller than
I thought you'd be.
In a good way.
- Well, I better stop
texting and driving.
Let me know how the movie is.
- Okay, have fun at poker.
(phone dings)
You awake?
- Yeah.
- What are you up to?
- I'm at a friend's bar, he
lets me hang out after closing.
- How was poker?
(phone dings)
Wow, how much is that?
- It's about five grand.
- (laughs) Geez.
- It was a good night.
- Well, I don't wanna bother you
when you're with your friend.
Call me tomorrow?
- Okay.
(light dramatic music)
- Hey, Ian.
I haven't heard from
you in a couple of days.
I know that wouldn't be unusual
after a typical first date
but our situation
feels far from typical.
When you said bye to
me after our picnic,
you seemed a little distant,
and lately even more so.
Did I do something wrong?
Do you not find me attractive?
If that's the
case, just tell me.
I felt closer to you when
you were 3,000 miles away
than since you've been back.
- Jennifer, I'm sorry I
haven't reached out sooner.
I was up super late after poker
and then early for 27 holes
of golf and when I got
home I just crashed.
It was hard being back home,
being around my nieces made
me miss Michelle's kids.
I haven't really dated
anyone since Michelle,
and I think the truth
is I'm not as over her
as I thought I was.
Sitting with you the other day,
I just felt like an imposter.
You didn't do anything wrong.
You're plenty attractive.
I just still have feelings
for Michelle and I don't think
I can do this with
you right now.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
I hear what you're saying.
I was right though,
I want that noted.
You are still hung
up on Michelle.
I'm disappointed, but I know
that you're a great person
and I'd like to
have you in my life
and I'd like to be in
yours even if it's just
a friendly lunch or a
text every so often.
(Jennifer sighs)
- Jennifer, thanks for
being so understanding.
I want to be really,
really clear though.
I'm not open to pursuing a
relationship with you right now.
On our picnic, and
even before that,
I could tell you liked me.
I liked you too.
And I know all we've
done is email and text,
but you said it yourself,
it's felt like six dates.
Maybe someday we
could be friends,
but for now I think
the best thing is
just to let it all settle.
Okay?
- I hear you, Ian. You're
coming through loud and clear.
Really, really clear.
(tense music)
What did this all mean then?
Was this just some
game you played while
you were lonely and bored?
By the way, what do you mean
when you say you haven't dated
since you broke
up with Michelle?
You yourself told me
that you've gone on dates
in the last six months.
So if the truth is
you just don't like me
or I'm too short or
whatever, just say it,
And why would being with me
make you feel like an imposter?
None of this makes any sense.
- Okay, Jennifer, I want
to answer your questions,
but I think it would be a
good idea if we didn't talk
for a while afterwards.
One, I have dated
since Michelle, but
only very casually.
Two, because I
felt closer to you,
Being in your presence
was more intimate
and real than a
typical first date.
I almost felt like I was
cheating on Michelle,
which I know sounds crazy,
but that's why I felt
like an imposter.
Three, your height is
fine, your looks are fine.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Four, I don't know
what this all means.
I wasn't playing games with you.
All I can say is I'm sorry.
(phone dings)
- Hi.
I feel like we're
being ridiculous.
There's no reason why
we can't be friends.
- I explained why, you agreed.
- I know, but let's
just get over it.
Have coffee with me.
I think I can resist the
urge to attack you sexually.
(Ian laughs)
Ian, I really enjoyed
having coffee with you.
I felt so much more relaxed
than I did at our picnic.
More myself.
I think we're better
being friends.
I'm actually not sure that
we're that well matched.
You seem very set in your ways.
I wanna have children,
I love to travel,
I love being around people.
You are much more of an
introvert than I realized.
A lot of what you
enjoy; poker, golf,
are quiet activities
that you do alone.
That said, you're
a great listener
and one of the most articulate
people I've ever met.
So much of this is just mental.
I had you in my mind
as this potential match
and now you've been
rebranded as a platonic pal.
So, in short, you are
now in the friend zone.
Cool.
(phone dings)
- You up?
- I am. Studying.
What are you doing?
- I just got back from poker.
Tough night. I lost big.
- I didn't realize
you played this much.
- Three or four nights a week.
Go to Vegas for tournaments.
Made over a hundred
grand last year.
- sh*t, that's a job.
Have you always
played this much?
- A little less than
I was with Michelle.
She hated it.
- Why?
- I don't know, she just
wanted me to be more normal.
- That's silly. It's obviously
something you're good at.
- I just play the
math like a robot.
That's how you win over time.
It's easy for me
because I'm dead inside.
- I smell about four drinks.
- Ah, so I'm firmly
in the friend zone?
- Yep.
- Doesn't make any sense, but
reading that kind of made me
want to get out of
the friend zone.
- Five drinks?
- No, the friend zone's
the best thing right now.
You are attractive though.
I'm not just saying
that 'cause I'm drunk.
I'm not drunk.
- Yeah, of course not.
- So this friend
thing, it's for real?
You'll tell me if
you like a guy,
I can tell you about
my crappy dates?
That's always the true test.
- I can handle it if you can.
- Okay, let's do it.
I'm hitting the sack.
Goodnight, friend.
- Night.
(light jazz music)
Ian, it was nice texting
with you last night,
but some of what we
discussed got me thinking.
When I broke up with Ben,
part of me was really excited.
Like I was about to embark on
this adventure that might just
include making out
with a lot of hot guys.
It turns out I almost
exclusively attract men who are
on the spectrum or
just plain nuts.
I'm gonna be open
with you about this
because you said we could.
I've only had sex
twice in the last year.
Both times we're pretty bad.
I was in this long relationship.
Sometimes I just wish I
could do the normal things
that people did in college
and in their twenties.
So I'm just throwing
this out there.
I'm attracted to you.
You said you're attracted to me.
We agreed to be friends.
Maybe we could be
friends with benefits.
I know this is so forward and
I've never done this before,
but you're a great
person and I feel totally
comfortable with you.
Look, I'm past the point
of having any expectations
but still like to
have a little fun.
Okay, please write
me back quickly,
even if it's just to say
no so that I don't obsess.
(Ian laughs)
- I did not see that email
going where it eventually went.
Let me gather myself here.
Okay, I have a little
bit of experience
with the whole FWB thing.
It can get kind of messy.
My big hesitation with
you is that you're not
just some easy breezy friend.
We've already had a few
occasions where one or the other
of us felt hurt or vulnerable.
I just think a casual
sexual relationship
with you could be
playing with fire.
You are a beautiful woman.
What you presented is
every guy's fantasy.
I'm just not in the
best place right now,
so let's stick with
the friend zone.
I think it's the right
decision for both of us.
(phone dings)
- I'm embarrassed.
- Don't be. It was no big deal.
- Did kind of
crack me up though,
you used the abbreviation FWB.
Clearly you do
this all the time.
- No I don't.
- Have you had sex with anyone
since you broke
up with Michelle?
- We've been broken
up for six months.
- And it would be unthinkable
to be celibate for that long?
What about the car sales girl?
I know that you still
have those pictures.
Do you still look at them?
- You're on fire today.
- You looked at them and
then you found her number
and you called her.
Be honest. I don't care.
- Look, I'm only admitting
it 'cause I'm impressed
you figured all that out.
- It was easy.
How many nanoseconds after
breaking up with Michelle
did you wait before
tracking down that number?
- Haha.
- Show me one of the
pics she sent you.
I know they're on your phone.
- No, I wouldn't do
that with anybody.
(phone dings)
- [Jennifer] Whoops.
- You're k*lling me, Jennifer.
- I know it's probably not as
good as the car sales girl.
- Uh, it's better.
We're gonna reach the point
of no return here soon.
- Oh no, then I
guess I better stop.
(phone dings)
(Ian laughs)
- Please stop.
- You really want me to?
- No, but you should.
This is not friendly behavior.
- Fine.
That was fun though.
Friend zone reactivated.
- You really wanna do this?
- Maybe just once,
get it out of the way.
- And after we're cool,
nobody gets emotional,
nobody gets hurt?
- Well that's what I proposed.
- When?
- I'm free now.
- Come over.
(light dramatic music)
(phone dings)
- What just happened?
Ian, please answer me.
I just got home.
I know you're
there, I just left.
Look, it's not
that big of a deal.
You didn't have to kick
me out of your house.
(phone dings)
- We shouldn't have done
that and I didn't kick you out.
- You told me to leave.
- I said, and I'm
quoting myself,
"Maybe it would be
best if you left."
That's not kicking you out.
- You're this upset because
you couldn't get a hard on?
It's not that unusual.
- It just felt wrong.
- What felt wrong?
- All of it. Everything.
Let, let's talk later.
I gotta go.
- Ian, I feel like you
owe me an explanation.
Why did you stop all of a sudden
and why are you
being so weird now?
If anyone should
be mad, it's me.
I'm standing there
practically naked
and you ask me to
leave your house.
Did you not like
the way I looked?
You have a really nice place.
I wish you'd at least let
me hear you play the piano.
Come on, Ian, just
tell me what happened.
We're friends.
- Okay, here's the problem.
When you came over, you
were just way too romantic.
That's not what we agreed to.
The way you kissed me,
looked at me, everything.
It made me uncomfortable because
I just don't look
at you that way.
That's not what this
was supposed to be.
I just think the friends
with benefits thing
was a really bad idea for us.
Can we please just forget
today ever happened?
- Ian, I'm perplexed.
You didn't like
the way I kissed.
I was being too romantic.
I only know one way to have sex.
I was just being myself.
I'm lost.
If the truth is that
when you saw me up close,
you thought I was gross,
just come out and say it.
- For Christ's sakes, Jennifer,
you make me want to
throttle you sometimes.
I'm not gonna say this again.
You are an attractive woman.
You are beautiful.
I don't think you're gross.
Please stop with that stuff.
Okay, let me take
this step by step,
but I'm only doing this
'cause you demanded it.
When you walked through the
door, you practically swooned.
You looked at me like I
was the love of your life.
Four different times you stopped
to gaze deep into my eyes
and tell me I was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure at one
point I saw you tearing up.
This would've been okay if
it was our wedding night,
but it was just too much here.
It's not what I wanted.
I think maybe there's
something missing in you like
you don't pick up on
social cues or maybe
you are in love with me,
which I told you
wasn't possible.
Either way, I
wasn't comfortable,
and that's why I
asked you to leave.
Can we please be done now?
- Ian, you're f*cking crazy.
And don't flatter yourself,
I'm not in love with you.
I didn't swoon or say you
were beautiful four times
and I don't know what
you think you saw,
but I wasn't crying,
though I could cry now because
you are being such a d*ck.
I was just trying
to be affectionate.
I'm sorry if it was a
little over the top,
but what you're saying
is a total exaggeration.
I'm not a mind reader.
I couldn't have known what
kind of sex you wanted to have.
Next time I'll just
shut up and bend over
and you can f*ck me from behind.
That is if you can get it up.
I think you're damaged.
I think your childhood was a
gothic horror story and the
slightest bit of
intimacy disgusts you.
Yes, we can be done.
Have a nice life.
(dramatic music)
(phone dings)
- Can we talk for a minute?
- What do you want?
- I shouldn't have
invited you over.
I knew it was a bad idea.
- It was my idea, so
this is still my fault?
- No, it's not your fault.
You were just being yourself.
I'm sorry.
- I'm not in love with you.
- Fine.
You were right, to a degree.
I am damaged.
When you wanted to be
all loving, I just...
(Jennifer sighs)
I don't know.
- I should have known.
It was like the first
thing you ever said
to me right from the start.
- What?
- Sex without sin is
like an egg without salt.
- Christ, your brain
is like a steel trap.
- You only like sex
that's dirty and shameful.
It's a kink.
- Okay, I've had
plenty of normal sex,
but there's some truth to that.
- Could have been dirty,
I just didn't know
that's what you wanted.
- I don't want anything, I...
I just feel bad.
I said some unkind things.
So did you, by the way.
- I know, you just really
know how to push my buttons.
I don't usually get mad.
So do you wanna be friends?
Should we even try?
- I don't know, there's
something combustible about us.
We keep having problems.
- I mean, there has
to be a reason we met.
It's not to date because you're
in love with someone else.
It's obviously not to have sex.
Ha.
- Ha ha.
- I think we're just
meant to be friends, Ian.
It's been really confusing, but
I think that's what this is.
- Maybe.
- Let's just go for a walk.
Start over.
sh**t the sh*t like
two normal people.
(light music)
Hi, Ian.
Yesterday was really great.
It was so cool to be able to
walk and talk and share a meal
with you and the hot sex
at the end of the night
was pretty fun too.
Don't worry, I'm totally
cool with what this is.
I get it.
The two hours we spent going
over everything from every
possible angle before
you finally agreed
to have sex with me
made it all the more clear.
Haha.
Seriously though,
I think that you're right
that what happened last night
should be a one time thing,
but I feel like everything
makes sense now.
I was wrong, you're not damaged.
You've just been through
some sh*t, as I have.
By the way, you play
the piano beautifully.
- Hi Jennifer, last
night was fun for me too.
I guess it was like you said,
we just had to get
it out of the way,
but now I'd like us
to really get serious
about just being friends.
I've probably
mentioned this before,
but the true test is
if we're able to talk
about our romantic
lives together.
So if we're hanging out,
I want you to feel free
to talk about dates
you're going on or whatever.
I'd like to be able
to do the same.
Okay?
- Ian, I hear you.
We went over this
last night actually.
You like to repeat
yourself a lot.
I get it.
At the same time,
I'm not really interested
in who you're dating,
so I doubt I'd ever ask.
What are you doing tonight?
Do you feel like seeing a movie?
- Sorry, Jennifer.
I can't see a movie
tonight. I'm playing poker.
Take care.
- Listen, I wanna get
something straight.
You said you wanted us to be
open about our romantic lives,
but you recently just told me
you weren't up for anything
romantic because you still
had feelings for Michelle.
Has that changed?
Also, not to be
overly sensitive,
but the end of your email
thoughts a little clipped
with the take care.
I get that that's how
friends talk to each other,
but it's a little casual given
the fact that you were inside
me 24 hours ago.
I'll get there,
but give me a week.
(phone dings)
Did you get my email?
- Yes.
- And? No response?
- I didn't know it required
an immediate response.
- Are you still at poker?
- No, I lost again.
I'm having a drink.
Is that a problem?
- Just text me
when you get home.
Doesn't matter how
late, I'll be studying.
- Jennifer, it's 5:00 a.m.,
I just got home and
I'm really tired.
But to answer all
your questions, one,
I'm not ready for
anything romantic.
I just meant like dating.
Two, I'm sorry for
saying take care.
I'll try not to be so casual.
Three, I do think you're being
a little bit overly sensitive,
but can we just talk
about this tomorrow?
I just wanna go to sleep.
(phone dings)
- Hey, just talk
to me for a second.
Come on, it says you sent
that email two minutes ago.
I know that you're there.
Ian, I just wanna
talk for five minutes.
Okay, I'm calling you.
(phone ringing)
- [Ian] Hi, you've reached--
(phone beeps)
- Your phone is going
straight to voicemail.
I guess you could
have turned it off,
but if you're just ignoring
me, that is not cool.
I hate it when you do that
thing where you list off your
points like one, two, three.
It's so condescending.
I think you have a
gambling problem.
This is the second time
in a row that you've lost.
I don't know how you make a
hundred grand a year that way.
(phone dings)
Jesus Christ.
I'm seeing all these texts
that I sent and I look crazy.
I wish I could unsend them.
Okay, I'm going to bed.
Your phone is probably off.
I lost it. I'm sorry.
Please don't hold
this against me.
Goodnight.
Ian, I'm writing this
email to you preemptively
before you get a chance to
respond to all those texts
that I sent you last night.
I'm really sorry, okay?
All that stuff I said was stupid
and I didn't mean any of it.
I was just feeling freaked
out and vulnerable.
I really want us to
be able to be friends.
I don't wanna ruin that.
So, before you get
mad, I'm telling you,
I know that I acted
crazy last night.
Cool.
- Forget it, we should
just talk in person.
I say the wrong thing
when we email and text
and it leads to problems.
Let's have lunch sometime soon.
- That would be great actually,
though dinner would
be better if possible.
My days are busy this week.
Unless you wanna wait
until the weekend,
pick a day or night.
(phone dings)
Hello?
I left a message on your phone.
Are we having dinner this week?
- I said lunch.
- This weekend then.
- I'm going to Vegas,
there's a poker tournament.
- I wanna go to Vegas.
- Friends don't take
overnight trips together.
- Sure they do.
- No, they don't.
I wouldn't be able
to hang out anyway.
I'm gonna be playing
nonstop for five days.
- I'm not gonna
see you for a week?
- No, I'm not your boyfriend.
- I know.
- Sometimes I'm not so sure.
- sh*t, I'm being clingy.
You're right, I'm
not good at this
friends with benefits thing.
- Listen, I'm not mad,
I'm not trying to be punitive,
but I think it
would be good for us
to not speak for a little bit.
- Why?
- Just to establish some
distance, to reboot.
Think of it as a hiatus.
- For how long?
- Two weeks.
No contact, no
texting, no emailing.
Go on some dates,
meet someone else.
- Is that what you're doing?
Are you seeing someone else?
- No, but if I feel
like it, I'm going to.
We talked about this.
I just think if you
met someone else,
it would make things
with me less intense.
- Fine.
Bye.
(phone dings)
You said no email or text,
but you never said
anything about photos.
(phone dings)
- You're crazy.
(Jennifer chuckles)
- What are you doing?
- Just back in the room,
done for the night.
I smell a glass of wine.
- How can you always tell?
- It's easy, I grew
up with drunks.
I'm a drunk.
- You're not a drunk.
How's Vegas?
- Awful.
I lost everything. Can
I borrow some money?
- What?
- (laughs) I'm kidding.
I'm actually winning.
- I'm not so sure you're joking.
- Well, why, because
I'm a gambling addict?
- I said sorry for that.
You really need money?
- No. Jesus, it was a dumb joke.
- I'm on Match again.
I've got a few prospects.
- Good. There are
no prospects here.
- Really?
Vegas is full of hot chicks.
- Mm, I'm in poker
rooms all day.
Did you ever watch poker on TV?
It's all fat nerdy guys.
- That's true.
Oh, what about hookers?
Plenty of them in Vegas.
- No thanks.
- Have you ever
been to a hooker?
That's a yes. Of
course you have.
It's filthy and that's
what turns you on.
- You remember everything.
- When were you with a hooker?
(Ian sighs)
- A few times. Not recently.
- I fantasized about it.
- About getting a hooker?
- No, dummy, about being one.
Just for a night.
I'd knock on your door.
You'd hand me the money.
I'd be your wh*re to do
whatever you want with.
Does that turn you on?
I could be there in four hours.
- No.
- (sighs) You're so lame.
I know you want to.
- I do, but you bring
out my dark side.
- I like your dark side.
- I hate it.
Go on your Match dates.
- Oh, I will.
- Good.
I don't wanna have any
contact with you for a while.
- Another hiatus?
You're ridiculous.
You know what?
I don't care anymore.
You're crazy.
If you wanna talk
to me, let me know.
If not, whatever.
- Hello?
Did you ditch me?
Hi, Jennifer.
I just got back in
town a couple days ago
and wanted to write you.
I get kind of down when
I've been in Vegas.
It's just lonely and the
endless poker playing,
even when it's going well,
just starts to seem pointless.
So often, especially recently,
I just feel like I'm
passing time hiding out.
I've come to the
realization that my life
is a bit of a joke.
I have no career.
I have no family.
Clearly something
needs to change.
To be honest, what I want most
is to be back with Michelle.
The only time I've
ever felt at peace
was when I was with
her and her kids.
I still love her.
Which is pathetic
after all this time.
Anyhow, I'm obviously
in no condition
to maintain a relationship or
probably even a friendship.
I'm sorry for drawing
you into my life.
That's it
I hope you're doing well.
- Hi Ian.
I just got this.
After our last conversation,
I filtered your email into
my spam folder, but as usual,
I have no self-control
and I checked it.
I think you're being
a little overdramatic.
Everyone gets drained and
depressed after Vegas.
Your life isn't a joke.
You manage your
family's real estate.
You have your nieces
and your brother.
You don't have to
worry about money.
A lot of people would
k*ll to have your life.
I'm doing well.
At your insistence, I
started dating again.
I actually met someone.
He's nice.
He's not you, but I
wanna see where it goes.
You need to get over Michelle.
I'm sure you know this,
but she's moved on.
I checked out her Facebook page
and it says she's
in a relationship.
(phone dings)
- That was really shitty.
- Hello to you too.
What was?
- Why are you telling
me about Michelle?
- I figured you knew.
- Bullshit, you knew I didn't.
I told you I didn't want
to know anything about her.
- When?
- And what are you doing
looking at her Facebook page?
I mean, how'd you even
know her last name?
- Some of your friends
on Facebook are also
friends of hers.
I figured it out.
What, have you never
checked out a Facebook page?
- No, I intentionally cut
myself off from anything
to do with Michelle.
I told you that.
- I'm sorry, I didn't
tell you to hurt you.
To be hones, she
didn't look great.
I think you can do better.
- Just shut up.
I gotta go.
- Oh, come on. Grow up.
I said I was sorry.
Hello?
(phone dings)
- You there?
I'm sorry, I was upset.
It's not your fault.
- You've sent me so
many mixed messages.
- How so?
- You tell me these things
about you and your life
and then you get mad
that I know them.
- You have a point.
- I know.
- I think you told me about
Michelle on purpose though.
Maybe subconsciously.
- Why would I do that?
- Because you still
have a thing for me.
- Oh God, Ian, I'm
seeing someone.
We hadn't talked in two weeks.
You are the one who wrote me.
- It doesn't matter anyway.
- Look, why are we
even still talking
if you think so little of me?
- I don't know, maybe
because I'm bored.
- f*ck you.
I told you things about my life
that I've never told anyone,
and so did you.
Look, if you want,
I will leave you alone and
never talk to you again.
- There must be something here
if you can make me so mad.
- My therapist says
that we're connected
because we share a similar pain.
- How so?
My background's a
gothic horror story.
Yours is Walt Disney.
- Not exactly.
Things haven't always
been so easy for me.
- So what's up with
this guy you're seeing?
- We've gone on a
handful of dates.
It's nothing serious.
My Facebook status
is still blank.
Have a coffee with me?
- Hold on. I'm not done.
Who is he?
Tell me about him.
- His name is Jason.
He teaches community college.
A mutual friend set us up.
- Have you slept to them?
- Why do you care?
- That's a yes.
I'm gonna guess you gave
it up on the second date.
- (laughs) Gave it up?
What are we, in high school?
- I'm right though, aren't I?
- Yes. Shut up.
- So how was he?
- Sexually?
- No. Politically.
- Haha.
Not as good as you.
No one's as good as you.
- Your frame of reference
is pretty small.
- But growing every day.
- You like f*cking him?
Do you think about
him when you're alone?
- No.
When I'm alone, I
think about you.
I feel like I can be
dirty when I'm with you
and I won't be judged.
- It's hard to judge anybody
when you're as f*cked up as me.
- It turns you on
hearing about me
with another guy, doesn't it?
- Yes.
- You're filthy.
I love it.
Do you wanna hear more?
(light dramatic music)
Ian, it was really hot
talking with you earlier,
but now I kind of
feel like garbage.
And not because I told
you about the things I did
with Jason, but because I wish
I was doing them with you.
When I'm with Jason, I finally
understand what you meant
about feeling like an imposter.
Look, Ian, you were right.
I'm in love with you.
You think you're f*cked up,
but to me you're perfect.
And that's the problem
that you had with Michelle.
She wanted you to be something
you're not and I love
everything you are.
Even the filthy bad parts.
I know that we're different
and that we butt heads,
but I get you and I
think that you get me.
Surely you feel this.
I didn't realize how boring my
life had been these last few
weeks without talking to you.
It's like I was on a
tranquilizer and now
I'm finally coming
back to life.
- Jennifer, come on.
You told me a number of times
you're definitely
not in love with me.
Somehow that's all changed?
Look, I want to be kind,
but this isn't love.
And what do you mean, I
get you and you get me?
If anything, the
opposite is true.
I feel like all we ever
do is misunderstand
each other and argue.
And even if there were potential
with us, and there isn't,
I'm not capable of it right now.
I'm in love with somebody else.
I'm a mess.
Trust me, you're much
better off without me.
- Ian, I knew you'd say
this, but from my side,
it's really simple.
I was in denial.
I've been in love with you
this whole time, and frankly,
it's just such a
relief to admit it.
It's okay if you don't
feel the same way,
though I suspect that
you're in denial yourself.
But come on, Ian,
don't bullshit me.
What is so messed up about you?
You're hung up on an ex.
She's f*cking someone else now.
You come from a crazy family.
I mean, who doesn't?
You're a wonderful man
and if you can't see that,
it just makes me sad.
- Jennifer, you're deluded.
You're not in love with me.
You're in love with
a version of me
that you've created
in your head.
I'm the furthest thing
from a wonderful man.
You wanna know the real
me? Here's the real me.
That trip to Vegas, I made
$8,000 and I spent it all
on bar tabs and prostit*tes.
I have panic attacks
almost every day.
I can't leave the house
without taking three Xanax.
And even then,
a simple trip to the
grocery store is an ordeal.
My family is beyond f*cked up.
My parents beat
the sh*t out of us,
and now my brother is continuing
the tradition with his kids.
Even in our first
email exchange,
I didn't know who the
f*ck Tommy Tutone was.
I had to look it up
and I lied about it.
Even that was bullshit.
So you see, I'm not
a wonderful man.
I'm a liar and a coward,
that's who I really am.
- How's this?
I just read everything you
wrote and I love you anyways.
I don't know why you
lied about Tommy Tutone,
that's just silly, but
nothing else surprised me.
So nice try.
You can hate yourself all you
want, but I am not joining in.
- Jennifer, I think we've
carried this far enough.
I don't understand
what this has been,
but I feel like our
interaction is unhealthy.
I think it's best if we
just didn't talk again.
- Ian, I'm coming
over to your place.
(phone dings) Ian,
I just called you.
I'm outside your building.
Ian, come on, just talk to me.
I'm worried about you.
Please answer.
(phone dings)
I just rang your buzzer.
I don't care, Ian.
I'll sit outside here all day.
(phone dings)
(Jennifer sighs)
Ian, I just talked to
one of your neighbors.
She wouldn't let me in,
but she said she's gonna
knock on your door.
- Stop it.
- I knew it. I knew
you were inside.
- What is wrong with you?
My neighbor's freaked out.
- So let me in, I just
wanna talk to you.
- No. Go home.
- Ian, I'm worried about you.
- I'm fine. This isn't cool.
Goodbye.
- Just hold on, let
me talk to you please.
(Jennifer sighs)
(phone dings)
Ian, please talk to me.
I'm still outside.
- Please tell me you're joking.
- I'm not joking.
- Go home, I'm not
talking to you.
(phone dings)
- Does this change anything?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- I took it for you earlier.
I'm gonna ring
your buzzer again.
- [Ian] No!
- I'm gonna ring it
until you let me in.
- No, Jennifer, don't.
That thing's loud.
I have neighbors.
(door buzzes)
(phone dings)
- Was that so bad?
- I thought we weren't
gonna talk for a while.
- I know, I'll leave you alone.
I love f*cking you though.
You're an amazing kisser.
I can still feel you on me.
- Stop.
- Haha.
- Please, I'm begging you.
It was a mistake.
I shouldn't have
let that happen.
- Oh, so I r*ped you?
- No, shut up.
I was just weak.
- So then I took
advantage of you.
You sure seemed enthusiastic.
- Okay, enough with the jokes.
It happened, I didn't want
it to, but it somehow did.
That's the end though.
- Why are you so freaked out?
Just tell me why.
- You scare me.
- I wanted to see you.
Once you agreed you
seemed to like it.
- I just wanna move on.
This whole thing was a bad idea.
- You are the most uptight,
neurotic person I've ever met.
- And you're crazy.
- I just had sex
with a cool, smart,
hot man and I'm happy about it.
You're the one who's
tortured and conflicted.
Who's crazy here?
- I don't want you in my life,
I'm not conflicted about that.
- Why? I'm so confused.
- I just don't, I've
explained it as best as I can.
Now please just stop
and leave me be.
- For how long?
- Forever.
- No!
- You don't have
a f*cking choice!
- Jesus Christ, calm down.
- Goodbye. I'm
turning off my phone.
Jennifer, I'm really
upset right now.
I've been up all night.
The fact that we had
sex is just insanity.
I want to be completely honest.
I feel like you need closure.
You keep asking
me why, why, why.
Here's everything.
When we first started talking,
I regarded it casually.
I was at a low point and your
attention was flattering.
When we met, I knew immediately
that I wasn't interested.
I'm sorry, but you struck me
as needy and maybe depressed.
Also, the attraction
just wasn't there.
I thought perhaps we could
be friends, but nothing more.
I should have cut things
off, but I was weak.
I definitely shouldn't have
allowed us to become physical.
It was a mistake that I
regret and I'm sorry for.
That's the whole truth.
I was just lonely
and you were there.
It was wrong and I apologize,
but that's all this was.
- Ian, f*ck you.
Your email is filled with
so many outright lies
I don't even know
where to start.
You regarded our initial
conversations casually?
No, you didn't.
You told me personal
things about your life,
your family, your past loves.
You created an intimacy
that I know we both felt.
You saw me as needy
and depressed.
No, that's you.
I'm actually productive
and contribute
something positive to society.
You're the lost
soul here, not me.
You weren't attracted
to me, right.
The times we're together,
the chemistry is palpable.
You can't fake that.
The two times we've had sex
I've never felt more desired.
You can say that I'm crazy,
but the truth is that
we were connected
from the beginning
on a soul level.
You felt that,
you cultivated it,
and then you just freaked out.
Go back, reread your
emails and texts.
Lastly, there have
been a number of times
where I've pulled away.
Every time you're the one
who reaches out to me.
Even right now,
I'm responding to an email
you sent after telling me
to go away forever.
You don't want me, fine,
but at least be f*cking honest.
- Jennifer, you make
some good points.
Let's just say you're
right about everything
and I'm completely in the wrong.
For that, a thousand apologies.
I mean it.
I have created
this to an extent,
but whatever the case was in
the past, now I don't want you.
You can say I'm in denial.
Fine, I'm in denial, but
that doesn't change anything.
I don't want you in my life.
Please let this go.
It wasn't meaningful.
It wasn't a soul connection.
It was all just a big mistake.
I'm not gonna respond to
any more emails or texts.
- Ian, you can say
whatever you want
and refuse to speak to me.
We did have a connection
though, and it meant something.
Nothing will convince
me otherwise.
I'm not giving up on you ever.
(dramatic music)
Ian, it appears you've
blocked my phone number,
but I'm hoping you haven't
blocked my email because I'd
really like you to read this.
I've had some time to give
this all some thought.
I've talked about it at
length with my therapist,
and I think I have a
better understanding
of what happened now.
My therapist thinks
you're an addict.
Pills, booze, cocaine,
gambling, family history,
all the signs are there.
And of course I'm a caretaker,
I thought I could help you.
I think that that's a big
part of what drove everything.
You're right, it wasn't love,
so this is me officially
saying goodbye.
I won't contact you again.
I have to say though, I
still have some anger.
I know I'm a 33 year old
woman, but when I met you,
I was really inexperienced
and full of hope.
I feel like I'm worse
off for having met you.
If nothing else, I think
you should know that.
Ian, believe me, the last thing
I wanna be doing right now
is contacting you, but I've
been gripped with anxiety
over those photos I sent you.
Look, I don't know about
the car sales girl,
but I have a real
career to protect.
I'm likely gonna be
working for the state.
They do background checks.
If any of those
pictures were to end up
on some sleazy website,
it could ruin everything for me
and I just can't take
a chance with that.
Please let me know that
you've deleted them.
Thank you.
Ian, come on. This
is just cruel.
I need to know that you've
deleted those pictures.
It's not even you, those
things can get hacked
from the cloud and then
they're just out there.
I'm gonna print this out
and mail it to you as well
because I don't even know
if you're getting my emails.
I just need to know
that you got this.
Thank you.
- Hi, Jennifer.
I got your letter in the mail.
Your email is blocked.
I no longer receive
anything you send.
I have deleted the pics.
Not that you had
anything to worry about,
your face wasn't
visible in any of them.
Nonetheless, I've made sure
they're not on the cloud
or any of my devices.
I never would've
shown them to anyone.
I'd like to believe that despite
our issues, you know that.
Again, I'm sincerely
sorry for everything.
- Ian, thank you for that.
I do know that you
wouldn't have shown
those photos to anyone.
I just got worked up.
Incidentally, part of
my face was visible,
at least enough to
potentially identify me,
and I can't take a
chance with that.
(sighs) I'm doing better.
I accept your apology.
I definitely had some
anger there for a while,
but I can say this
sincerely now.
I wish you well.
Could you please unblock me?
It's not even that I wanna
contact you, it just feels mean.
Do I really deserve to be hated
because I showed up at
your building one time?
I don't think I do.
- I'm only responding to
this because I unblocked you
to send that last email and
then I forgot to reblock you.
Listen, I don't hate you,
and it's not that
you came to my house.
We're just volatile.
It's no one's fault.
I honestly don't understand it,
but I've never met anyone who
I had that sort of dynamic
with and I think it's
toxic for both of us.
Best of luck.
Goodbye.
- Ian, I'm contacting you
because I had this very,
very vivid dream about you that
I just can't seem to shake.
I'm really worried
that something bad
has happened to you
or is going to happen.
Could you please just send
me a quick message letting me
know that you're okay?
Then I'll leave you alone.
The truth is, I still
think about you a lot.
When I set aside all our drama
and how mean you were to me,
I mostly just feel
sorry for you.
I still think about
your nieces too.
I have that photo you sent.
I really hope they're okay.
Could you just send me a
message letting me know
you're all right?
I'm gonna put this in
the mail to you as well.
Dear Ian, It's Jennifer.
I'm writing from a
different email address
so that I can't be blocked.
You leave me no choice because
the letter I wrote you last
week was returned, unopened.
Nothing I ever did, no
argument we ever had
merits the way that
you've cut me off.
I have a right to ask if you're
okay and to be concerned.
(light dramatic music)
Dear Mrs. O'Connor, I'm a
friend of your son, Ian's.
He's told me a lot about you.
Ian and I were very
close at one point,
but we've lost touch.
I was hoping to
reconnect with him,
but I haven't been able to.
Could you please pass
along this message
and ask him to contact me?
Thank you.
(light dramatic music)
(phone dings)
- Are you f*cking crazy?
You email my mother?
- I'm sorry, okay?
Look, I just wanted to
know you're all right.
- Bullshit.
I'm perfectly okay,
and you know it.
- You ignored me.
- I'm allowed to ignore you.
I told you I was
going to in advance.
- I know.
- This is ridiculous.
You're coming up with
fake email accounts.
You're telling me about dreams.
I know you're better than this.
- I know, you're right.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I've never acted
like this before.
- Yeah, right.
I'd love to talk to that
guy you had an affair with.
- What?
I didn't do this with him.
f*ck you for even
bringing that up.
- Jennifer, you need help.
Talk to your therapist,
not me, okay?
I don't want to have to
get a restraining order.
- A restraining order?
Oh my God, please don't do that.
Look, just let me explain.
Could we just see each
other once more in person,
have lunch or go on
a walk or something?
- Jesus Christ. No.
- Why not?
- Because I don't want to!
- I just feel like if we
saw each other face to face,
there's a chance we could
at least still be friends.
- Oh my God.
If we were ever
gonna be friends,
it's not gonna happen like this.
- I know.
- A friendship happens because
both people want to be in it.
- I know.
- And when you do these things,
it doesn't make me want to
act friendly towards you.
- Okay, I know. I get it.
Stop.
I just, it sounds ridiculous
when you put it so logically.
- Because it is ridiculous.
You wrote to my 70
year old mother.
Why? I mean, how'd you
even get her email?
- I'm sorry. Stop, okay?
Are you still in
love with Michelle?
- After you, I've retired
from dating completely.
- Haha.
- Please don't contact me again.
I just think it's the
best thing for both of us.
- If you say so.
Goodbye.
Hi, Ian.
I hope this email doesn't result
in me getting a
restraining order.
I just felt like writing you.
Things didn't work out
between me and Jason,
so I've been dating a
few different people
the last month or so.
It's hard to take
anyone seriously
when I compare them to you.
I can't tell you how alone I
felt, really my entire life,
and then to meet you and
feel so seen and understood,
it was like the
answer to a prayer.
My life just feels
drab without you in it.
I keep trying to stop
and get it together,
but at times I just
feel powerless to.
Ian, I just sent you an
email that was returned,
so I'm guessing that you've
deactivated that email address.
When I send you letters, they're
sent back to me unopened,
so I'm just gonna print this out
and bring it over
to your building.
Please don't make a
big deal out of this,
I just wanna share
some thoughts.
It is so frustrating and
unfair that you won't
even let me do that.
I deserve that much.
(phone dings)
Are you back with Michelle?
- Who is this?
- It's Jennifer.
I got a new phone number
and if you block me,
I will send Michelle
every text and email
that you ever sent me.
- You are f*cking demented.
- But you're still
talking to me,
so I'm guessing you don't
want Michelle to know
about the time you cheated
on her with a car sales girl.
When did it happen?
- How'd you even know
we got back together?
- I'm at your building.
I came to drop off a letter
and I saw Michelle leaving.
- So you're just like
officially stalking me now?
- That's why you cut me off.
You had gotten back
in touch with her,
but you f*cked me anyways,
and then you wanted
me to just disappear.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
You are a liar and
a f*cking sociopath.
- You're crazy.
- You made me crazy.
- Bullshit.
I'd love to know
what really went on.
What dark sh*t happened to you?
- Are you gonna answer my
question about Michelle or not?
- I got back with her a
month ago. I love her.
I told you that from the start.
- No, you lied to me and
told me you didn't love her.
- Fine, but then I
told you that I was.
Why are you so fixated on me?
What did I do to deserve this?
- You threw me away
like I was nothing.
- No, I didn't.
I explained it to you many
times and I apologized.
People break up after
20 years of marriage.
This was a two month friendship.
- We were more than friends.
- Whatever.
I'm not allowed to end it?
I'm not allowed to get
back with Michelle?
- I don't know what happened,
but something changed
for me when I told you
that I loved you.
- Okay, I hear
you. But what now?
I don't love you back, I
don't wanna be with you.
You can't force me to.
- I know.
- You can't win here.
Destroying my relationship
isn't gonna change anything.
- That's all you care about.
That's the only reason
you're still talking to me.
You don't want me to get
in touch with Michelle.
- Yeah, you're right.
- I'm calling her.
I have her phone number.
I'm sure she'll be
thrilled to hear
about all those
hookers in Vegas.
Michelle doesn't love you,
she doesn't even know you.
- Listen to me, you c**t.
If you come anywhere
near me or Michelle,
I promise you you'll regret it.
- Or what?
Maybe I'm the one who
needs a restraining order.
- I didn't say that!
Jennifer, what you're doing
is wrong and you know it.
I'm done.
- Hold on, I am not finished.
Hello?
(phone dings)
It's me, I got a
new phone number.
Forget it, I won't say anything.
You lied to me about Michelle,
but I'm not gonna
say anything to her.
Ian, say something.
I can't keep buying new phones.
- It's too late, I told her.
I'm changing my phone number.
Don't ever contact me again.
(drumming music)
- Dear Madam, I'm writing
on behalf of my client,
Mr. Ian O'Connor.
For over three months.
Mr. O'Connor has requested
that you cease contacting him.
Despite this, you have
persisted in a campaign
to harass and intimidate
not only him but
members of his family.
Your actions are in
clear violation of
state and local laws
including California
penal code 646.9.
Mr. O'Connor possesses an
exhaustive amount of evidence
to substantiate your
ill*gal behavior.
This is your final warning.
Any further contact
with Mr. O'Connor
will result in the following:
One, the issuance of
a restraining order.
Two, a full report
being filed with UCLA
and any state agencies
that govern the licensing
of clinical social workers
and family therapists.
Three, pursuit of any and
all legal options including,
but not limited
to, incarceration.
Sincerely, Michael Kend,
Beverly Hills, California.
(dramatic music)
(phone dings)
- It's me. Answer.
I need to talk to you
right now. Text me back.
(Ian sighs)
Jennifer, social workers visited
my brother and his family
yesterday to inquire
about allegations
of abuse against my nieces.
One of them told
my sister-in-law
the report originated
in California.
If you have anything
to do with this,
I'm begging you to stop.
In the name of
everything that's decent,
whatever you've done
here, please undo it.
Everything I told you
about my brother was a lie.
I was being dramatic.
I made the whole thing up.
- Ian, I didn't respond to your
texts because I didn't feel
like being yelled at, and
according to your lawyer,
I risk incarceration if I
have any contact with you.
I didn't intend
for this to happen.
I was talking to my therapist
about you, as I often do,
and I casually mentioned the
situation with your nieces.
I didn't realize in the moment
that she was bound
by law to report it.
I begged her not to and
she said she had no choice.
(phone dings)
- Let's talk. I won't yell.
- I'm sorry.
- Right, sure you are.
- What does that mean?
- You knew that your therapist
would have to report that,
you told her knowing
exactly what would happen.
- I didn't.
- Whatever. I don't
wanna argue about it.
I just need you to stop.
- I didn't do anything, Ian.
At least not on purpose.
- You have texts
and emails from me
that could make this even worse.
What's it gonna take to get
you to keep 'em to yourself?
- I would never show
anyone your emails.
- Jennifer, you threatened
to do it with Michelle.
- I was very angry
about Michelle.
I shouldn't have threatened to
contact her and I never did.
- Because I beat you
to it. You would have.
- No, I wouldn't have.
Look, please stop.
I'm sorry.
Your nieces are better off.
- Says you.
You've involved
yourself in something
you know nothing about.
- All I know is
what you told me.
- You had no right to
bring my family into this.
- Ian, I didn't
do it on purpose.
Nothing else will
happen, I swear.
- I don't believe you!
Jennifer, how do
I make this stop?
Please, what do you want?
You want money?
I'll write you a check.
- I don't want your money.
- Than what? What
makes this right?
- What do you even mean?
- You win, okay?
You're tougher than me.
I give, I don't want to
see what the next thing is.
I can't force myself to
fall in love with you
or be with you, but
anything short of that,
what's it gonna take for you
to get satisfaction here?
- What happened with Michelle?
(Ian sighs)
- We're not together anymore.
- Jesus, you must despise me.
- It wasn't because of you.
- I couldn't have helped.
All I want is for
you not to hate me.
I know you do.
See me, have lunch with me.
Actually, never mind.
I'll just see the
resentment in your eyes
and it'll make things worse.
Let me have your new email.
Let me write to you.
You don't even have to write
back unless you want to.
- It'll just escalate again.
- It, it won't.
I'll eventually fade away,
but it'll be my choice.
I won't feel abandoned.
You asked what I want.
That's what I want.
- I won't write you back.
- I said you don't have to.
- And that's all?
- Yes.
- Okay.
(upbeat music)
- Ian, I planned on
writing this sooner,
but I wanted it to
be calm and clear.
First of all, I just wanna say
that I treated you terribly.
So much of my behavior
was inexcusable and
I'm really sorry.
I'm especially sorry if I hurt
your relationship with Michelle.
I know you loved her.
I've been trying to
figure out what happened.
I think I had this idea in my
head, my whole life really,
of what it would be like to
meet a match, my soulmate.
I didn't realize how much
I lived in anticipation
of this happening.
It's a powerful thing though
when you've waited for so long
to feel like it's
been delivered to you.
I was so sure that you were
my person and it was just
crushing to realize
that I was wrong.
What's more is I wasn't equipped
to handle the disappointment.
You touched on something once.
There has been some
dark stuff in my past.
Really dark.
I wasn't honest about that
with you or with myself.
I was very fragile and you
couldn't have known that.
I think that's all I wanna say.
Thank you for
letting me do this.
I'll try not to do it too
often or maybe even ever again.
- Jennifer, I wasn't planning
on ever writing you back,
but something you said
has really stayed with me.
There's this legal principle
called the eggshell skull rule.
It basically says that you're
liable for damage you cause
even if the person you hurt
happens to be especially frail.
I think this applies to us.
On some level I knew
you were fragile.
I knew, and even if I didn't,
I still bear some responsibility
for what happened.
I did something recently that
you suggested a while back.
I reread all our
emails and texts.
I wasn't proud of what I saw.
I was careless with you.
You deserve better.
The truth is, I've been
checked out for far too long
and that's something
I need to work on.
I'm sorry too.
- Ian, thank you
for what you said.
I guess I did have
an eggshell skull.
I don't know, though, I
think we're all fragile.
The guy I dated
after you, Jason,
he still texts me and says he
thinks about me all the time.
Sometimes if I'm
especially lonely,
I'll text back, flirt
and then I'll disappear,
which I know is wrong.
For him, the time we spent
together was this big thing,
and for me it was
just this placeholder.
Regardless, he's
wounded and I did that.
I had sex with this man.
I told him my stories and he
told me his and I listened.
I spent the night in his bed
and looked lovingly
into his eyes.
I was as careless with
him as you were with me.
(sighs) I think that
when I was with Ben,
I was checked out in my own way,
and now that I've
entered the world,
I'm seeing how
treacherous it is.
I'm not sure how to navigate
life without causing casualties
or becoming one myself.
- Jennifer, I can't
resist writing back
because what you said here is
so close to many of the things
I've been working on in therapy.
Believe it or not,
something positive came
out of our time together.
It was a wake up call.
I don't live on an island.
My behavior has consequences.
Even if I didn't
mean to, I hurt you.
I hurt other people too and I
don't wanna do that anymore.
But even having decided
this, what then?
Probably I should just be alone,
but that doesn't seem realistic.
I get lonely and the
next thing I know
I'm on Match or Tinder.
I see all these faces
staring back at me
and I feel like the grim reaper.
Which one of these women
am I gonna disappoint
or which one of them
is gonna crush me?
I know you're gonna
say I'm a pessimist,
but what are the odds that one
of these girls is my soulmate?
If we just go by the numbers,
chances are someone's
getting a beating.
So, I don't have any answers.
I give up.
From what I can see,
there's no winning.
It's a blood bath out there.
Haha.
(light music)
- Ian, you still crack me up.
There's just something
about the way you write.
It feels warm and
like an invitation.
It draws me in.
Part of me knows that
you're smart and charming
and that's just who you are,
but another part
of me wonders if
there isn't a cruelty in you,
that there's maybe a piece of
you that knows the effect you
have on me and enjoys
it or can't help it.
Anyway, I'm not saying
this to be insulting,
maybe just think about that.
And I think it would be best
if we didn't speak after this.
We're so casual.
We date and have sex and
tell each other our pasts
and intimacy is created
whether we admit it or not.
And then we discard one another
and move on to the next.
We say we're fine,
but I think that this has more
of an impact than we realize.
I think it takes a bite out
of us over time and makes us
hard and closed off.
I don't want that
to happen to me.
It's so hard to meet your match.
Especially as we get older,
everybody has so much baggage.
There's so many variables
and the timing so rarely
intersects between two people.
It does at times feel like
there's just no winning.
Unlike you, though, I
haven't given up hope.
I still believe in love.
I've seen it.
I know that it's real
and that it's possible,
and I know that I'm gonna
find it for myself one day.
Love is all there is.
It's all that matters.
But you're right, what a
blood bath along the way.
Lol.
(suspenseful music)
(light dramatic music)
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Match (2022)
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Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
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