Bro, remember Obama?
I do not. Who's that?
as*h*le. You do.
Cut it out, man.
- Barack Obama. Just hit me.
- Of course.
Barack Hussein, which by the way
is the coldest middle name in the game.
It's like if my middle name
was Gambino Crime Family.
It's just gangster. Come on, man.
- I mean, he smoked Newports.
- Newports.
What else you gonna say?
The president of the United States
was smoking Newports.
I'm like, this is my guy.
Bro, has to be.
He's smoking the preferred cigarette
of crackheads across the globe.
That's what I love about Barack,
is like, he's become such an icon.
He's kind of like Jesus.
Like, he could just be whatever
version of him you want him to be.
- Hmm.
- My Barack does g*y stuff sometimes.
Only when on coke.
You know what I'm saying?
He don't do a lot of coke,
just, like, a little bit off the nail.
And just only when it's,
like, special occasions.
Like a real big win.
He's like, "I'mma do coke
and a little bit of g*y stuff."
Does your Barack do coke
to excuse his g*y stuff?
- Of course.
- Right.
Then he just has an out at the end to go,
like, "I was on coke. It was fine."
- Yeah.
- Okay.
But really he just
woke up that day wanting to do some stuff.
- "Gonna do g*y stuff."
- Yeah.
- "Let me get a bump."
- Yeah.
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
Yo, yo, yo!
Welcome to The Mo and E-Z Show.
I'm Mo, and to my left is my favorite Jew
with nothing to do, my boy E-Z.
It was a better time, in general.
- 2014, bro. Just a good year.
- Unbelievable.
- Meek Mill was with Nicki.
- Mm-hmm.
Bobby Shmurda came out and went in.
You had the Ice Bucket, uh, Challenge.
- Yes, yes.
- What was that, ALS?
Dude, ALS is the most
paid disease of all time.
ALS made more than LeBron that year.
- ALS is on the boat with Jay and Beyoncé.
- For sure.
They're like, "Let me
tell you what it's like to be rich."
The BLM movement, though,
is so serious right now.
It's everywhere, for sure.
This feels like they got the same people
who did marketing for Cuties and kale.
They're Blackening everything.
Black iCarly, Black Wonder Years,
which is set in the same time period,
and it's like, bro,
I don't wanna watch Black Kevin Arnold
gets sprayed by a hose
for a half an hour every friggin' Friday.
Yeah, I feel like once a Black person
won a gold medal for swimming,
it was pretty much a wrap
on race relations.
Yo, I saw a dude fencing in the Olympics,
a Black dude, this past Olympics.
- I was like, "Man, too much."
- You're like, "Over the line."
Over the line. Back up.
Like, when they took
the Confederate flags out of NASCAR,
I was like, "Nah, let 'em have that."
You take too much too fast,
they be out looking for meat.
You know what I'm saying?
- Please be seated.
- Oh, my God.
That was standing up for 45 minutes.
- That was, like, the longest one.
- Shh!
So we just finished widduy,
the confession,
which we do in the plural.
We take responsibility…
Mom, why do I have to wear this dress,
and he gets to dress
like he's at Summer Jam?
…lives were created, but these…
Ezra, where's your yarmulke?
Oh, sh*t. Left it in the car.
Okay. Honey, I'm not square, okay?
Nobody thinks I'm square.
Everyone thinks I'm cool.
I'm hip.
People think I'm a very youthful person.
"I get it." You know, you're expressing
yourself with these illustrations.
Graffiti all over your body. Okay, fine.
But it is Yom Kippur, g*dd*mn it.
First of all, can you please stop saying
"I get it" and using air quotes?
And second of all, when someone says,
"I'm cool. I get it,"
they never are cool,
and they never get it.
- You shouldn't have to say that.
- That's not true.
You won't be able to be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.
Bubby, I love you so much, respectfully,
but I'll be dead.
I don't give a sh*t
where I'm buried, respectfully.
You can take my ashes,
and you can flush them down the urinal
at Dodger Stadium, respectfully.
Oh, so now
you're disrespecting the Dodgers?
I wanna be buried next to Rihanna.
- Rihanna?
- Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna scrape
those tattoos off myself,
and I'm gonna bury you
in a double-wide coffin with me.
- Okay, how about that?
- Sounds good.
Sounds good.
…their children to bed…
Thanks for that. I appreciate it.
You look like a dad
who lost his kid at Coachella.
You look like the principal
of a Hebrew school version of Hogwarts.
You look like a young Hulk Hogan.
I have a question. What do you
and the rabbi talk about in the car
on the way
to the rabbinical witch outlet store?
Is it a lot of music?
Or is there heavy conversation?
Hi.
- Ezra!
- Hey, how are ya?
- How are ya?
- How old are you?
I'm… I'm 35 now.
Got a girlfriend?
No.
You say that so cavalier,
like it's a bad thing.
You don't like getting p*ssy?
Well, hearing the word p*ssy
come out of your mouth
does make me question
whether or not I like it.
It's 2022!
Maybe the kid enjoys
smoking the Hebrew Nationals.
I know you're trying to be progressive,
but it's coming off crazy h*m*.
But it's… it's good to see you.
And, uh, stay… stay alive.
- Hey, hey, bud, bud.
- Hey, Doc.
Hi, how's your p*nis?
Uh, I think it's… I think it's good.
- Yeah, uh, listen, uh, come with me.
- I think...
Let's go to the bathroom,
and, uh, we'll take a look, okay?
- I'm good.
- No, no, it's fine. It's fine.
Don't… don't worry. Uh, it's on the house.
There's not gonna be a charge.
- No, it's not the price that concerns me.
- Oh.
- It's more the concept.
- I see.
- You sure? We can go...
- Doctor!
My teeth are getting crooked again.
Uh-huh.
If you open your mouth real wide.
- Ezzy.
- Uh-huh.
I want you to be chill right now.
- But Kim Glassman is over there.
- Mm-hmm.
And she is totally checking you out.
- Right now, okay?
- Uh-huh.
And she just completed
her doctorate at Harvard,
and she is crazy lit.
Right over there. You see her?
Yeah, she just...
And she saw you point at her.
- She didn't see.
- Yeah, she 100% percent saw.
She's got it here, here,
the whole nine yards.
Yeah, you like her body and her mind.
- I do. I do.
- Okay.
Yeah, I think, um, my old orthodontist
just did some really weird
sexual sh*t with me just now.
Who? Oh, Dr. Green?
- Yeah, Dr. Green.
- Oh, yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.
- He's in trouble?
- Yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.
- Yeah.
- Okay, so that's like a thing?
Uh, well,
he hasn't been convicted.
Totally. In the four seconds
I spoke with him,
he tried to pull me
in the bathroom and look at my d*ck,
so I'm just gonna say
I might support the accusers on this one.
I will say that there is a legal system,
and you have to have respect
for the legal system, Ezzy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You're backing him on this one.
All right, okay.
Well, you know…
Innocent until proven guilty.
I believe in that. I'm sure you do too.
- Correct, and I think I'm gonna bounce.
- Right?
- This has been a lot for one Yom Kippur.
- Honey. I love you.
- I love you. You look great. Okay.
- I love my baby boy.
So, um, your mom says you work in finance?
Yes, I'm a broker.
Well, that's, like, gotta be so exciting,
working with so much money all the time.
Yeah, it's not really my dream job.
Well, what is?
You're gonna laugh if I tell you.
Oh, God.
You're not, like,
a Reiki instructor, are you?
No. No, my homie and I, we have a podcast.
Seriously?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, what's it about?
The culture.
What culture?
You know, the culture.
Music, fashion, sports.
I mean, you're a Jew from West LA.
What do you know about the culture?
Maybe deli culture, but…
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good one.
Honestly, I'm starting to think
I'm never gonna meet
a woman who understands me.
Bruh, you have got
to stop being so thirsty, man.
It's disgusting!
I don't think I've heard of a man ever
who wanted to be
in a relationship so badly besides Drake.
And I'm talking Views Drake.
I feel like Views Drake.
I feel like I'm alone
on a building in Toronto
dangling my legs off,
wondering what it's like
to feel companionship.
That's the space I'm in.
Well, I need you to dig deep down
in that little Jewish body of yours
and pull out CLB Drake, okay?
Certified Lover Boy energy
all through here.
I don't have Certified Lover Boy energy,
Drake energy right now.
I just don't. I'm… I'm literally…
I'm literally Take Care Drake.
I'm at an Italian restaurant by myself
with a bunch of chains,
drinking Manischewitz out of a goblet
and wondering when the f*ck is it my turn
to feel, like,
deep happiness and connection.
And if I'm being honest
about our friendship,
I feel like you're being
a bit Pusha T right now towards me.
And I need you to be more Future to me.
I need a collaboration instead of a diss.
Well, maybe your a*s
needs a bully right now, bro.
Someone to push you around.
You're not even giving me Take Care Drake.
You're giving me
"Houstatlantavegas" Drake.
I'm talking
crying over strippers, no beard,
big upper lip.
Get it together, dawg.
You're right, I'm…
I need to be more CLB Drake.
You'll be all right.
Just gotta find that person,
You know what I mean?
Like, you need a shorty who surfs,
but also can Milly Rock.
- Can I help you with that?
- Oh, my God. No, I'm good.
Come on, why are you acting like this?
I feel like you blocked me.
Um, I didn't block you, okay?
I don't do weird sh*t like that.
- Well, did you change your phone number?
- I did.
Yo, you don't think that's weird?
Chris, do you wanna know why
we really just don't work out together?
Yeah, I'm… I'm really, really curious.
'Cause you don't know how to keep it real.
You just say whatever
you think I wanna hear,
and it feels fake.
And I don't really
feel seen by you in any way.
All I do is see you, girl.
I'm always on your social media.
I'm staring at you right now.
You know what?
It's like James Baldwin said.
"The most dangerous creation
of any society
is the man who has nothing to lose."
I don't have sh*t to lose
'cause I already lost you.
All right, gimme your phone.
Girl, you had me out here sweating.
It's so crazy because
my dad loves James Baldwin,
and that is,
like, one of his favorite quotes.
And here's a text message
from my dad to you,
telling you to tell me the same sh*t.
Your father and I are
in a book club together.
- I don't...
- Peace.
- Bye, Chris.
- It's an information exchange.
- Stay away from my house.
- We put each other onto different authors.
- Ra-Ra.
- Stop calling me that!
- Ra...
- It's so weird.
My mom just bought some last night.
Here he is.
Biggest swinging d*ck in the West!
There he is.
Got his... You have a big
swinging p*nis yourself there, my man.
The boss man.
You made that exchange weird, Ezra.
g*dd*mn it, all right.
What's done is done, right?
I'm… I'm not good with greetings, so…
Just throw back a "hey."
- Hey.
- Grease the wheel and say, "Hey."
- Swing it up.
- "Hey, boss."
- Hey, boss.
- "Champ. k*ller."
"Dude." Not dude.
Big d*ck boss.
Or whatever you wanna say.
"Here he is,
biggest swinging d*ck in the West."
There we go. You have a big p*nis.
- f*ck, dude, I'm sorry.
- I'm not even looking for a shake.
You're belaboring a greeting.
Right.
What if I said "great f*cking weather"
to you, what would you say?
The weather's great for you too.
You would say that?
I don't know, I...
Forget it.
Just… Just pick up the phone, come on.
- I understand. Got it.
- We're burning time. Come on.
- Pick it up.
- Let's go. Let's sell some stuff.
You're the man.
- Giddyup.
- Let's go, baby.
Money, money, money, baby.
Make a complete U-turn.
Then a sharp left turn,
then another U-turn.
What?
Make a complete U-turn,
then a sharp left turn.
- Then another U-turn.
- What the f*ck!
Make a complete U-turn, then...
- What the f*ck! What are you doing?
- Get the f*ck out!
- Get out! Help! I'm being attacked!
- What?
- You're attacking me! Stop! Stop!
- Get out!
Please, relax! Fine, okay!
But you're not getting five stars.
This is f*cked up.
f*ck you. I'm not no Uber driver.
You're not?
No, I'm not.
I'm on my way to work, weirdo.
- Make a complete U-turn…
- Oh, sh*t.
I am so sorry.
No, you're not.
You saw a Black woman
in an inexpensive car
and thought it was
your God-given white right
to get in my backseat
and tell me where to go.
It's a tale as old as time
with your r*cist a*s. Get out!
I know this seems like a racism.
But it's not.
My… My Uber driver is a Black woman
who drives a Mini Cooper.
Her name is Hyacinth Ajanlekoko…
- Oh, wow.
- Butatembe.
- So…
- Okay.
So I guess Hyacinth-whatever
looks like me since we all look alike.
I mean, honestly,
f*cking you guys are twins.
Oh, my God, wait.
She really does look like me.
Yeah, this is like a 23 and Me situation.
Like, I wanna introduce you guys.
- Okay…
- You're better looking for sure.
Sir, can you get out of my car, please?
Thank you.
Look, look, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
This was insane.
Let me make it up to you.
I know my way around Century City.
Let me get you where you're going.
Who said I was lost?
Make a complete U-turn,
then a sharp left turn,
then another U-turn.
Look, okay, but can you hurry up?
Because I really cannot be late to work,
for real.
Of course.
- Just make a right at the light.
- Okay.
This ain't no
Driving Miss Daisy sh*t, okay?
- Okay.
- Don't k*ll me.
I'm not gonna k*ll you.
Please don't k*ll me.
- I'm not.
- You're the one who beat me.
I don't know you. sh*t.
My name is Ezra. What is your name?
Amira.
Who's Ezra?
Hello. Dang, why y'all up in my business?
Why's your phone all up
in my business?
Ezra is somebody I met
that I'm going to lunch with.
What kind of name is Ezra?
Is he like
a third-generation civil rights activist
or keeping-the-peace a*s n*gga?
No, he's… he's white.
He's white?
- n*gga!
- Shut up!
I'm sorry. Just that's new for you.
- I know.
- Sounds interesting.
Well, first of all, you know, don't let
Akbar find out about that. Jesus.
Well, for your information,
I don't date based off
of Daddy's approval, okay? I'm grown.
Okay, you're not tough.
Oh, hi, Daddy!
- What's up?
- Gimme a kiss.
What's going on, boy?
- Same thing.
- Yeah.
Hey, now, is it my imagination,
or are Black folks' hair
getting curlier and curlier?
Look. Look at everybody's hair.
Everybody in the place is all wavy.
Except for this n*gga.
I actually have
the nappiest hair in this place.
And I wear it proudly.
How am I the darkest person in the room?
There's not one
tar-black n*gga in this whole room.
And I mean, back in the day,
that was what you saw
the most when you went in a room.
It was, you know, n*gg*s everywhere.
Now you got…
Eventually everybody
gonna be looking like Bruno Mars.
A lot sooner than you think.
What that mean?
Gonna tell him about your date, Amira?
- Shut up, Omar.
- Oh, okay.
What you talking about? Chris?
Oh, no, Daddy, not Chris.
- No, not Chris.
- Not Chris.
He's a Muslim, right?
Um, yes. He's African.
- He's African.
- He's definitely African.
And, um, he's Muslim. I think so.
Is he Sunni or Nation?
S-Sunni.
Watch out for those brothers.
Yeah, they like Lakers fans.
Don't know sh*t about basketball,
but love to be all up at Staples,
looking around at everybody,
trying to be seen.
Isn't the Nation more like Laker fans,
'cause they're the ones
who just discovered the religion?
Shut up, stupid.
What you drinking?
A tropical banana whip
with bee pollen. It's good.
Bee pollen? Why you need bee pollen?
Bee pollen?
What, they ain't have no butterfly dust?
You know, I'm starting to hate the world
more and more each day.
You know, this place used to be our thing.
Then white folks figured out
that not only did Magic Johnson
and Dr. Sebi figure out how to cure A*DS,
but we also have
delicious patties and smoothies.
Yeah, but, like, shouldn't we be happy
that they're patronizing our business?
But at what cost, Amira?
Uh, financial freedom,
cultural empowerment, market expansion.
You know what? Somebody gonna
bust your teeth out one day.
You just make sure you pray with this guy.
That's how I met your mother.
We prayed together, and we knew
we was meant for each other.
- Mm-mm.
- Didn't you meet Mom at Pep Boys?
Trying to return
a half used bottle of Fix-a-Flat?
No, I met your mother,
and we fell in love
through our mutual love of God and prayer.
- Hmm.
- I'm always telling y'all.
If you get your beliefs in line,
your heart's gonna follow.
Hmm.
So I just imagined the Pep Boys thing?
What the f*ck is wrong with you, man?
Hold up. You're dating
a "Black girl" Black girl?
I mean, I wouldn't put it that way.
Yo, shut... Bro, you bagged a real one?
This is crazy.
Wait a minute though.
This is way out of your league.
If this girl is what you say she is,
then I'm pretty sure she smells
like cocoa butter and expectations, bro.
- You may wanna slow down.
- What do you mean?
I'm just saying,
I hope no one ends up dead.
Dead?
Yeah, dawg.
In this social climate,
with this much racial intensity
going on in this country now,
you chose to pull a move like that?
Bold, bro. Real bold.
I'm not pulling anything.
This isn't 'cause it's,
like, a hot new thing.
I'm not talking about a tie-dye sweatsuit.
I'm talking about a person.
A woman who I met,
who I found interesting,
who's different than the other women that
I know, so I asked her out. Who cares?
Yo, please tell me
you didn't buy a tie-dye sweatsuit.
Thank you.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
I like your fit.
Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.
Are those Gucci slides?
Yeah. Why? Are you trying to clown?
No, I'm not trying to clown.
No, not at all. I think they're awesome.
And I actually think
they're the perfect shoe for a first date.
Oh, this is date?
Yeah. I mean, we're two adults,
at least one of us is interested
in getting to know the other one,
meeting at a specific place
at a designated time,
and I'm pretty sure if I asked Siri,
"Siri, what is a date?"
That would be the exact bar
she would spit back at me.
Bar? Okay.
All right, Ezra.
Trying to cap me up. Brave.
And I would never
talk sh*t on your slides.
If you like something, you like it.
I don't think anybody
should be put in a box ever.
That's real. I agree with you.
…eats a blueberry
with a damn fork.
You know…
Oh, my God, it looks like a fort.
It's cute. You know
what we're doing? We're being cute!
- We're being cute! Oh, God!
- Yeah.
- You're crazy.
- It's like a little tent.
I've never done this before.
You've just never dated such
a creative blanket architect before.
Never. I've never dated anybody so cute.
Yes, come on, isn't it fun?
It's like we're in our own little world.
It does feel like
we are in our own little world.
Play some music. We need, like, a vibe.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Any requests?
No, I trust you.
How about this?
Oh, I love this song.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
So look.
I just don't be
having sex with just anyone,
so, whether you like it or not,
we kind of go together now.
Yeah, that's crazy. I was
gonna say a similar kind of thing.
Maybe a little less junior high,
a little more mature, but, uh…
Yeah. You're my boo, come on.
You already know.
- You're obsessed with me.
- No!
I'm obsessed with you?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I see you leaving stuff around here.
Judaism swagger.
It's such a turn-on.
I just want a bagel and lox right now.
I love you so much!
So much!
I can't even restrain you!
Shut up.
I think I'm a little nervous.
No, don't be nervous. I'm nervous.
Why are you nervous?
'Cause my family's crazy.
Everybody's family's crazy.
No. They're nuts.
- Hello! Oh!
- Hey, Mom. How are you?
Hi.
Mom, this is Amira.
Amira, this is my mom Shelley.
Hi, Miss Shelley.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Oh. Miss Shelley.
Oh, my mom would k*ll me
if I didn't address you in that way.
Oh, absolutely. Whatever makes
you comfortable is fine with me.
Oh, my gosh, you are so beautiful.
I love your hair. I love your fingernails.
Look at these rings!
- I love them.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Look at that, your name.
What about her earlobes
and the bottom of her feet?
Oh, shut up. He loves to give me sh*t.
But I think your earlobes are good too.
I do. Come in. Come in. Come in.
- Isn't this fun?
- Yeah, good stuff.
Honey, honey, come and meet Amira.
I hope I'm saying that right. Amira.
- Yeah. Amira. It's just Amira.
- Amira. Arnold.
Come in, come in, come in and sit.
- Uh, Amira. Yes!
- Yeah.
We've got cheese and crackers,
but if you need something else,
I can have Lupita run to Whole Foods.
Don't worry.
She's going anyway because she's
picking up my dry cleaning from Browns.
She's, uh, she's from Guatemala.
She, uh, Lupita.
Uh, but, you know,
we're like sisters, actually.
She's literally like family.
I mean, it's not even
like work for her, really.
I'm pretty sure it's like work for her.
I don't think Lupita's coming all the way
down here just, uh, pro bono,
no money exchange, you know.
- Oh, come on.
- I know. I'm just saying.
- No, no, I get it, yeah, but...
- Yeah.
Thank you, but that's not necessary.
This looks nice.
- Thank you.
- Oh, fabulous.
So, I understand you're a stylist.
Yeah, kind of, I'm, um...
I'm a costume designer.
- But that's kind of like styling.
- Oh.
- Okay.
- And she has the best style.
Yes.
No, that I can tell, yes.
Yeah, I actually do,
uh, a little styling myself.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, Ezra never said anything
to me about that.
I know, 'cause it's 100% not true.
It's the first time hearing of it, so…
No, no. No, no. I mean, on me and Dad...
Or on Arnold.
- And a few of our friends, yeah.
- Okay.
Yeah, I… I audit their closets.
Oh, um, how do you do that?
Oh, uh, like, curate their clothes...
Prune.
Exactly. Yeah,
and also give away things to shelters.
I'm just known as someone with good taste.
And, I mean, I'm not trying to brag.
That sounds so braggy.
So, um, Amira, where are you from?
- Here.
- Oh.
Well, Baldwin Hills via Inglewood.
Okay. Baldwin Hills.
Oh, that's something, yeah.
I understand that Mike…
uh, Magic Johnson has done a lot
of wonderful things.
Magic. What a ballplayer.
Boyish enthusiasm he played with.
- Oh, yeah.
- The smile!
- Yeah, he has a marvelous smile.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I saw him once at Gelson's.
He's really tall.
Actually, we had
an opportunity to buy there about...
- It was 15 years ago, but…
- Oh, yeah.
…Arnold wouldn't go for it.
Yeah, it's a shame you missed out on
that first wave of early G*ntrification.
You could've screwed a lot
of people out of their property value.
Okay, so this is our lovely
and very opinionated daughter Liza.
Come and meet
your brother's new girlfriend.
Hi.
Hi.
I mean,
hey.
Okay.
Pull over.
She's spoken for.
Um, Liza's g*y.
She's q*eer. She's l*sbian.
- L-G-B-T-Q.
- You got it all.
- Which we love and accept.
- Yes.
"Because that is our vibe."
"That's how we roll."
I think she understands.
Is she doing the air quote thing again?
Yeah, she's just warming up.
Oh, I… I really like your glasses.
Those are cool.
Oh, thanks. I actually made them out
of recycled cans of Mountain Dew.
Oh, really?
I could easily make you a pair.
You could have... they're prescription...
Okay, so I wanna put this out
to the group and see how it lands.
Oh, sh*t.
- I think the police…
- Okay!
…are and always have been, by the way,
f*cked up towards Black people.
And I, for one, hate it.
- To be fair, it's an impossible job.
- Dad.
Okay, Mom,
I'm gonna help you in the kitchen.
- What?
- Now.
You've never offered
to help with anything in your life.
We're gonna do it now.
- Know what else too?
- Come on.
The National Anthem,
I think everybody should kneel.
- Enough. Thank you.
- No, I do. Really.
- Not just the players, in fact.
- We're gonna go check this out now.
- What are you doing?
- Thank you.
I'm sorry about my mom.
- She's literally a moron.
- I like your braids.
Thank you.
Xzibit had braids.
Uh, yeah.
Remember that show Pimp My Ride?
That was a blast. I loved that show.
He seemed like such a cool dude.
Such a gentleman.
You ever bump into him
at any of your showbiz things?
- No.
- No?
- Is he still in the rap game?
- Dad, stop.
- What?
- Just, like, producing sound.
- I like X to the Z. What can I say?
- Dad.
- Over here right now.
- What are you... What's wrong with you?
Okay, can you just cool it
on everything you are doing and saying
in, like, complete totality?
You are so rude and annoying.
All right? Yes, you are.
I am being me, and I am thriving.
And I have gotten through
my entire life being me,
and I certainly don't need
my son to tell me how to behave.
My God.
It's just with the police stuff
and, like, Magic Johnson.
Like, you're talking to her
like she's a Black person
and not my girlfriend who is a person.
- That's absurd. I said...
- Is it?
Yes, of course!
I said, "to the group," okay?
I literally said, "I'm throwing this out
to the whole group."
You weren't throwing it out to the group.
'Cause you weren't trying
to hear Dad's perspective.
You never asked a question like that
in every dinner we've had
for the past however many years.
- I talk about that a lot.
- With who?
With all of my friends.
With everybody I know. We are always...
Name one friend
you talk about police brutality with.
Marilyn.
Uh, uh, Josephine…
You and Marilyn
talk about police brutality?
Can't get enough of it.
- Can't get enough of that conversation.
- I don't buy that.
It's a hot topic right now.
All right, look.
Can we not do this right now?
Seriously.
This is about meeting
that lovely woman out there.
And I gotta tell you something,
I think she's absolutely wonderful.
- You do?
- I do.
- And I've got a people sense, you know.
- No, you don't.
Anyway, I think she's wonderful.
She is.
What?
I am… I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
Oh, my God! Oh, my…
I'm so excited.
Yeah.
So you're okay with that?
Of course I'm okay with that.
Why wouldn't I be okay
with that?
I don't know. Well, she's not Jewish.
Oh, Ezra, you're my baby boy.
And you found an amazing woman
who makes you happy.
End of story.
I mean, would it be nice
if she were Jewish? Sure.
Our people's numbers are dwindling.
It would make your life easier.
But… But this is great too!
Our family is growing in such
a cool and hip and funky way, you know.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna have
Black grand babies.
Okay. Jesus Christ.
We're a family of color.
- Mom.
- We are the future now.
Mom, just, please,
don't ever say that or think that again.
- What?
- I know it's exciting, but…
- Shh.
- I know. I won't…
That was a while back.
It's true.
What is happening?
So true.
That's the truth.
Where?
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
- Well, I'm happy for you, E.
- Thank you.
Have you talked to her family yet?
Uh, no.
Do you plan to?
Yeah, just haven't had
the chance to meet them.
So you're telling me you're about
to ask their only adult daughter
to marry you with this baby-a*s ring,
and you haven't even met her parents?
Bro.
White dudes really do be
out here living by their own code.
You're gonna have to make up
a story or something for this, bro.
Yeah, it is a small ring.
You think her family
will judge me and stuff?
I'm judging you, n*gga. This is terrible.
Yeah, I thought of that.
I thought of that.
I'm just gonna be like,
"It's my grandma's Holocaust ring."
- That's good. That's great.
- I mean, game over.
They can't say sh*t.
Once you drop the Holocaust, they're like…
But you gotta get it out this box.
- It's not a Holocaust box.
- You're right.
Yeah, you wanna put it
in, like, a satchel, dirty it up.
- Yeah.
- I think you should Holocaust it down.
Yeah, we gotta Holocaust it down,
for sure.
- Indeed.
- Yeah. All right, that's a good call.
- There's a plan.
- Thank you, dude. I appreciate it.
It is so nice to meet you guys.
What's going on? Tell me about life.
How are you? How's work?
Talk to me.
Work… Work is fine.
Grinding. I know.
I know. I'm in the grind myself.
So do you hang out
in the hood all the time,
or do you just come up here
for our food and women?
It's a valid question.
- It is.
- Mm-hmm.
I guess I'm one of those guys
who kind of goes wherever.
You go wherever?
Yeah, I'm kind of like a chameleon
in that way, I guess.
You know, I'll pop into Marathon
and grab a hoodie and some socks,
or, you know,
go play ball at Langston Hughes Park
if there's a good run going,
and Roscoe's is obviously one
of my go-to's.
I mean, the Carol C. Special. Come on!
Where's our waiter?
I'm gonna go see if the waitperson's here
because I feel like we should get it,
'cause I think you guys
deserve more than this.
This is your white granddaddy
coming back to haunt me.
- What?
- That n*gga never liked me.
And it started off by him putting
them strong a*s genes in you
that lighten up the coffee in my babies.
- Akbar, you sound ridiculous.
- Yeah.
And then he planted
a poison pill in my little baby girl
and it has grown into this white boy
that has invited us to lunch at Roscoe's.
Those children got
beautiful cultural experiences
from those moments
with my granddaddy, so please stop.
- What they got was confused, clearly.
- They are not confused.
They are confused.
You don't think this is confusion?
All I'mma tell you is we don't need to be
arguing in front of the white boy, okay?
I'm not gonna change
how I feel about this…
I'm saying what I wanna say,
and I don't give a f*ck
about this white boy.
I'm not asking you to do that.
Hey, g*ng.
I'm back.
I spoke to the waitress,
and she was upset
that I interrupted her smoke break.
Um, so,
you guys are probably
wondering why I asked you to… to lunch.
It crossed my mind.
- Yeah, what the hell is this about?
- Um…
I wanna… I wanna…
I wanna go way back for a second.
I wanna go back to…
Well, let's go with Jesus,
'cause Jesus Christ
was half Black, half Jewish, right?
Let's start with Jesus. Legend, right? So…
Jesus Christ, technically,
I imagine, had mixed-race children,
which I think is… is great because
mixed-race people are really awesome.
You know, you have,
like, Mariah and Derek Jeter,
and then, of course,
you have the GOAT. He was mixed race.
The GOAT?
The Greatest of All Time.
Yeah, I know what it means,
but who are you referring to?
Our guy, the legend. Malcolm X.
Our guy?
Not... the GOAT. Not… Not my guy. Mr. X.
And I'm saying that, like, he's mixed race
and then if Amira and I had a kid,
that kid would be mixed race,
and it would be a very nice baby.
Maybe not as important
as Malcolm X, but maybe. Maybe!
Maybe my son would be
as important as Malcolm X.
I don't know 'cause I haven't...
And she's not pregnant.
She's not pregnant.
Because we don't even do that much stuff
and when we do,
I… I am careful.
And she's not a prude.
She's gr... really,
she knows her way around it.
- Okay.
- What I'm saying is I love your daughter!
I… I love her,
and I would make a good husband.
What in the mother of...
I know I quoted Forrest Gump.
Yeah, you know what?
I did quote Forrest Gump.
Because you know who
Forrest's best friend was in the world?
Bubba.
- What?
- And was Bubba Black and Forrest white?
You bet your f*cking a*s they were.
And… And you know what?
It wasn't about race.
It was about shrimp and partnership,
and they made it work.
And Amira and I have done
a lot of the similar stuff
that Bubba and Forrest did together,
and now we're here,
and I just wanna marry your daughter,
if that's okay.
We never seen no f*cking Forrest Gump.
Ain't this about a b*tch?
So it's not bad enough
that y'all make me have to get a vaccine
so I can go into the casino.
Now y'all coming after my kids?
So you wanna marry my daughter?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Well, Ezra…
you can try.
No, that's him right now, Mama.
Oh, okay, I'll call you back.
Hey, what's up?
I just got off the phone with my mom.
Oh, you… you did?
Yeah, what… what did she have to say?
About…
Well, she just told me
that you took her and my dad out to lunch.
It was a nightmare, okay?
I totally blacked out. I f*cked up.
I have no idea. I don't remember anything.
Well, lucky for you,
my parents remember everything.
Why would you take my parents
to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles
and without asking me?
I was taking a shot at something, okay?
Just forget it.
Forget it?
Oh, no, please, Ezra, keep going,
'cause I would love to know
about this little brilliant plan of yours.
You wouldn't understand, okay?
Oh, my God.
- I was gonna take your parents out…
- Wait, oh, my God.
-We were gonna have a great time,
-Oh, my God.
And then I was gonna ask their blessing,
and I had this
whole cute proposal planned,
where I was gonna reenact our first
few dates, but then it got messed up.
- No, it's not messed up. It's not.
- No, it is, 'cause your dad...
- No, it's not. Ezra! Ezra!
- Like, it's ruined.
- What?
- You can still go through with it.
When?
- Now! Right now!
- Like now?
Yes, right now.
- Right...
- Hurry up!
Okay, I'm gonna
take off my shoe so I don't crease it.
Amira…
- I love you so much.
- Hmm.
I have never felt so understood
by somebody in my entire life.
I am blown away by your beauty
and your intelligence and your grace.
And now you just do whatever you wanna do.
And if you let me,
I will do everything in my power
to give you the most beautiful life,
filled with love and laughter and joy.
Amira, will you marry me?
Of course.
You will?
- Yes!
- Oh, my God.
Oh! Oh, my God!
It's from the Holocaust,
so that's why it's small.
- Oh, I love you.
- I love you.
I need some color, look.
Sorry it's so small.
No, it's beautiful.
So what's the story again?
It's your grandmother's?
Yeah, it's my grandmother's. It was her...
She got it in the Holocaust or whatever.
But like, how old is she
if it's from the Holocaust?
It's been a minute. I don't know.
I think she got engaged when
she was, like, three or four years old.
- It was a different time, you know.
- So stupid.
- It was a different…
- What is wrong with you?
Don, known you my whole life.
You've been an incredible boss.
I grew up with your kids.
Been on family vacations together.
You've always looked out for me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Been like a father to me.
And working for you these past ten years
has been life-changing.
But it's time for a new adventure.
That's it? That was great!
- That was really good.
- An adventure in podcasting.
Uh, maybe leave the podcast part out.
I'm gonna throw up.
No, wait, no, no, no.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen.
- Dude, I'm…
- Listen. Listen to me though. Relax.
You're doing the right thing.
You just gotta do it.
You understand? You got the juice!
Repeat that. "I got the juice."
I got the juice.
- I got the juice.
- I got the juice.
Say it with some nuts. I got the juice.
- I got the juice!
- Believe in yourself!
- I got the juice!
- I'm not a buster. I got the juice.
I'm not a mark-a*s buster like Don.
I got the juice, b*tch!
- Period.
- Period!
Okay. Now, when you get home,
we're gonna watch Juice,
because I'm sure Shelley
didn't let you watch Juice growing up.
That is so disrespectful.
- Is it?
- I've seen Juice more than you.
- Ooh!
- I love you.
- I love you. You got this, okay?
- Thank you. All right.
Come on, Don! You little b*tch-a*s Don!
I'm coming for you, Don!
- Okay.
- Come on!
I do not care, Javier.
Just get it!
I don't give a rat's a*s, okay?
How about that?
My Maserati sounds like
it got gangbanged by the Toronto Raptors,
so fix it!
Jesus!
What's up?
Cars, huh?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
On… On that.
Um…
I, uh, I don't…
I don't think I'm gonna...
I think I'm gonna
not come to work at this address…
- What?
- …anymore.
What are you talking about?
At a different address,
I'm gonna work...
I'm not gonna work here at this address,
so I'm gonna, like, do a different place
that I'm gonna do the work from
that's different work.
Are you trying to quit on me?
Yeah. Goodbye.
Pathetic. Who resigns in Helvetica?
Wait, so you said, "f*ck you, Don"?
Pretty much.
What did he say?
He was like, "You're a great guy.
And like, I'm sorry that..."
"Like, I wish I did better
in a weird way too."
And I was like, "It's all good,
but also like, don't…"
- Period.
- You know, period.
Oh, I love that.
- To the juice.
- To the juice!
Mm. Mm. Mmm!
All right.
Let's talk wedding before I think
too hard about what I actually just did.
Um, sure.
Huh. That's a super reassuring response.
No, babe, I'm sorry.
Look, you know
I love you to death. I really do.
Uh-oh.
I'm just a little worried.
You know, since we got engaged
and got the house, my family,
they've just been on my head
and not in a good way.
So they hate me.
- No! No, no, they don't.
- Your family hates me.
They just don't know you yet, you know.
And I think…
Look, this is gonna take
some getting used to for them.
I mean, and can you honestly say
that your family's excited
to have my Black a*s in the picture?
I think a good portion of them are.
For sure.
All right.
Let me think about this.
From where I'm sitting,
I think there's only one thing left to do.
I mean, there are just
so many primary colors in this space.
- Which is very uplifting.
- Alive.
It really is.
- And we are so thrilled about this.
- Mm.
- Mm!
- I mean, they're just precious.
So have you cuties
made any, uh, wedding plans yet?
You know, we've thrown some ideas around.
Yeah, we're thinking something
really small and intimate
that really just represents us.
Uh-huh.
But we should probably talk about
who's gonna officiate the wedding.
Oh, Arnold already talked to Rabbi Singer.
Singer is in!
Yeah, he'd be honored.
Rabbi Singer.
- Hmm.
- So you're not gonna go with an imam?
- Um…
- Who's Auntie Mom?
- There's no Auntie Mom. It's an "imam."
- Imam.
Mm. I'm so sorry.
Can you spell that for me?
I'll spell it for you later.
It's like a rabbi for Muslim people.
- Thank you, Ezra.
- Oh.
Oh, so you're all Muslim?
- Yes.
- Oh, yes, very much so.
I love it.
That's why I wear this crown.
I love your crown. It's gorgeous.
Babe, you wanna, um,
tell them the story behind that crown?
Well, this kufi that I'm wearing right now
was actually a gift
from the honorable Louis Farrakhan.
Mmm! Love Farrakhan.
You… You love Farrakhan?
Love him. Can't get enough.
He's… He's one of the GOATs.
He's another one of the GOATs.
- Really? What do you love about Farrakhan?
- Yeah, what do you love about Farrakhan?
Probably the same stuff that you do,
just more stuff.
Hmm.
Can you be a bit more specific?
Yeah, um,
I think what I love about him
is his general vibe.
- Ah.
- He's got kind of a no-frills attitude.
And I just think he tells it
like it's gotta be told sometimes.
- Just stop, babe.
- For sure, yeah.
Ooh! Oh, babe,
maybe you should finish telling them
about our private dinner
with the minister.
Oh, well, we were blessed
to be in Brother Minister's company,
and, uh, I got to speak with him
for maybe, like, an hour or so.
- Oh.
- We talked about everything.
How far we've come
and how far we have to go as a people.
No kidding.
And at the end of the conversation,
he actually took this kufi off
and put it on my head.
So this is one of my most treasured gifts.
- Isn't that incredible?
- Yes.
Are you familiar with,
um, the minister's work?
Well, I'm familiar
with what he said about the Jews.
Let's have dinner.
- Yeah.
- I am f*cking... so f*cking hungry.
Let's get up and do it. Whoo!
I found this great
new Sirius station on the radio.
- It's '90s West Coast bangers.
- Hey!
It has all the stuff.
Yeah, Dad, I see you
driving down Xzibit highway,
and let's refocus it
to this dinner that Amira made,
because she's a genius.
- Okay, well, let's dig in.
- All right.
So wait, wait, wait, wait.
We're not gonna say grace first?
- No, I mean, yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, I was gonna say grace.
- I mean, we say grace all the time, so…
- All the time.
Muslim style,
so because you're here,
maybe out of respect,
you would wanna lead.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I will do the honors.
Oh.
All praises be to Allah,
who fed us and provided us with drink…
Close your eyes.
…and made us
from among the Muslims.
All praises be to Allah,
who fed me this and provided it for me
without any power or might from myself.
Correct.
- Amin.
- Definitely.
- Amin.
- Amen.
Amin.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
So, Ezra tells me that you guys
used to have a boat growing up.
Yeah.
I was thinking that maybe one day
we can rent a boat and go out.
- Hang out.
- Oh.
- All of us.
- That would be really fun.
- I can make that happen.
- We'll think about it.
Because Black folks don't really
have a good relationship with boats.
That's very true. Or water.
Kind of like Jews
with trains, right?
- Wow. Bingo.
- Hmm.
Are you trying
to compare the Holocaust to sl*very?
Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing...
I mean, I wouldn't do that.
Al… Although,
you know, if you think about it,
I think the Blacks and the Jews
have a similar struggle.
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
No. So you are kind of sort of
comparing the two.
- Just a little bit.
- Can you pass the potatoes this way, hmm?
Well, the Jews were technically
the original sl*ves.
- Right? OG sl*ves.
- Oh, that's interesting.
Oh, you going all the way back to Egypt.
Okay, well, you do know that
that was 3,500 years ago.
sl*very is one
great-grandparent away for us.
- That is correct.
- You know. My grandmother picked cotton.
Well, Daddy,
I don't think that they were trying...
- No, it's true, honey.
- My grandmother picked cotton.
I don't have to go back to Egypt.
I just go back 75 years.
You know, Jews make up one-half of 1%
of the world's population,
because we were
systematically annihilated.
Exactly.
The one and one-half percent
of the population that you make up
seems to be doing pretty good right now.
Uh, yeah, okay, but…
Here's the thing.
It's not like we don't work hard for it.
You know? I mean Arnold,
he works super-duper hard in his practice.
- He's a podiatrist. You do, honey.
- And… And what did his father do?
He was a podiatrist.
And what about his father?
He was a… a podiatrist.
- Yeah, so…
- Well.
- And a bookie.
- Yes, he did that on the side.
He went straight.
All I'm saying
is that our people
came here with nothing
like everybody else.
Actually, you kind of sort of came here
with the money that you made
from the sl*ve trade.
- What? Oh!
- Preach.
- Preach, Mother. Preach, Mother.
- Holy moly.
- Come on.
- It's true. It's very tr...
- I would like to see your sources on that.
- Baby, go get my purse.
I've got my sl*ve receipts in my purse.
- Go get my purse.
- Take that off the table.
I don't turn on the news every day
and see people in yarmulkes getting shot
by police because they was out
minding their business.
Okay, first of all, you have no idea
what you're talking about.
A very uncomfortable conversation.
Ever figure out what happened
with the potatoes? An ETA on those?
I'm trying.
Are you okay?
I think we need to blow the candles out.
I'm getting an allergic reaction.
Babe, can you move the candles?
- Yes.
- Can you get these candles out of here?
- Yes.
- Candles smell like sh*t.
No, it's okay. I got it.
When my grandmother was picking cotton,
your grandfather's picking feet.
Yes, I agree.
I just want you to sit down.
I am hosting.
No, no. There they go!
I am supposed...
Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!
- Oh, sh*t!
- Oh, sh*t!
- Grab some water or something!
- Oh, sh*t! What the f*ck!
What are you doing? Hey! No!
No! No!
- Stop it!
- I'm sorry! Oh, my God.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, sh*t.
What are we gonna do?
- About the kufi? It's gone, baby.
- No, our parents.
Who cares?
Like, we don't even have to
worry about that.
I mean, your dad's intense, yeah,
but we knew that going in.
What is that supposed to mean?
Guess it's supposed to mean that
he didn't smile or make one joke...
Oh, wow. Are you trying to say
that my dad's an angry Black man?
I never said he was angry, no.
Yeah, but you're saying
a Black man is intense,
which is insinuating that he is.
He is Black, and he's intense.
Yeah, but you don't say that
as a white person about a Black person,
calling them "aggressive" or "intense."
That's being passive-aggressive
saying that he's an angry Black man.
- Should I say he's not intense?
- Say nothing about my dad.
If anyone should have any beef,
it's with your mom.
She set my dad's kufi on fire.
What's wrong with my mom?
I mean, yeah, she's, like, an idiot,
but she still, like, means well.
It's not like she did it on purpose.
Mm. Yeah, I don't know about that.
All right, I'm not gonna argue
about something so ridiculous, okay?
All right,
let's talk about the rabbi.
I don't think we need that.
Let's just have a friend of ours do it.
Um,
I would like to use our imam.
Your imam?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, Miss Shakur.
When did you get so Muslim?
I've been Muslim. I was born Muslim.
And it's important to my dad,
so I think we should go with it.
Was that Muslim bacon you ate yesterday?
It actually was. It was Jewish bacon.
- Jewish bacon?
- Yeah.
- I don't claim to be super Jewish.
- Okay.
- I eat bacon all day. I don't care.
- Okay. Well, so what? And?
- Yeah, you want an imam to marry us.
- So?
Want me to face the bed towards Mecca?
- I can do that.
- Actually, I do. Very much so.
Okay, cool, I love that four hours ago
you became a devout Muslim.
- For sure.
- Your dad's not even that Muslim!
He heard "Fight the Power" once
and changed his name from Woody to Akbar.
Okay, now you're
going all out of line. Relax.
- You told me that. We joke about it.
- Yeah.
But I didn't tell you that
for you to turn around and tell me.
You're being... Really, low-key,
you're being an as*h*le.
- I'm being an as*h*le?
- Yes.
Okay.
You know what?
I really... I don't wanna fight. I can't.
I don't wanna fight about it, okay?
We just had too much
going on tonight. I just… I can't.
Me either.
I don't wanna fight about it either.
Look,
I think our time would be best used
if we just think about how
to move forward.
I agree.
I'm gonna pitch that we just never speak
to these people ever again
and just a full, clean break.
We cannot do that.
You know, I'm thinking that maybe
if we spend more time with them together,
maybe you and my dad can kind of hang out,
just you and him.
Sounds rad.
Then I think he can get comfortable
with you, you know.
And then maybe he'll see
what we have going on.
Just might make him feel, you know…
and you too.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
I gotta go to sleep. I started my period,
and it's just been hell.
Yeah, I'm worried too,
'cause I haven't gotten
my period in, like, 35 years.
I should see a doctor or something.
Amira told me that you
gave up a job in finance
so you could start a podcast.
Yes, that is true.
I know it sounds crazy.
Oh, so you do know that that sounds crazy?
Yes, yeah, I mean, I do. I mean...
- You know it sounds crazy.
- I do. I do, and she, you know…
Look, she's amazing, and she was like,
"Life is short, and you gotta
follow your dream," you know.
How are you gonna
support my daughter by following a dream?
Do you have, like, some dream Bitcoin
or a dream 401 or some sh*t?
I don't have a dream 401.
But I am gonna give it everything I have.
You're gonna give it
everything you've got?
That sounds like some white boy sh*t.
"I'm gonna give it everything I've got!"
Yeah, I see it. I can handle
the jokes like that, for sure.
I'm not joking.
No, I know you're not joking. I think
that's... I'm saying you're doing a good...
I'm not trying to do sh*t.
I'm saying what you just said.
Right.
You weren't doing an impression.
Again, I wasn't saying
you were doing an impression.
n*gga, I don't do impressions.
I don't think... I don't even...
I don't think you do impressions.
You know, I really did enjoy
meeting your parents the other night,
but I felt so horrible
about your father's kufi.
You know?
I… I actually…
I have a little piece of it left,
and I was thinking
maybe I could frame it or something.
- Oh, no. It's okay.
- Yeah.
- You sure? I could take it to Michaels.
- Oh, yeah.
And they actually do a pretty good job.
You wouldn't think it for a craft store,
but they do.
He has a lot of kufis at home.
It's fine.
- Oh, he does?
- Yes.
Oh, okay. He's got a kufi closet.
No, it's not a closet.
- No, I'm just making a little…
- It's actually a respectful situation.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
I'm sure it's just a nice shelf, yes.
Oh! Love this song!
Sorry. I love this song.
Yeah, it's a hot one.
- It's provocative. Gets the people going.
- Why...
Why you like this song so much?
Oh, it's amazing, man. It's provocative.
Yeah. What, you like the lyrics?
I just think it's, like, a jam.
It's just a jam, you know.
Yeah, you know what?
What's the title of this song again?
I forgot the name of this song.
- The name of this song. What is it?
- It's so provocative.
What is it?
I don't know. I think... is it "In Paris?"
Something about something
in Paris.
- What is it?
- It's "Midnight… Midnight in Paris"?
- That's not it.
- Is it "Midnight in Paris"?
It's not "Midnight." It's not "Midnight."
It's somebody else is in Paris.
- A pack of pals in Paris?
- That's close.
Are you cold?
- No.
- There's seat heaters even.
- Oh. No, I'm okay. Thank you.
- Okay.
Ooh, I love this song.
It is so fire.
Do you love it?
Oh, yeah, I know this song.
Oh, it kills me.
Don't you love that part?
You know, it's so funny 'cause I think
I don't know the title of the track.
But I think...
And that's not what I respond to.
I think I respond to more what it's about,
which is like friendship
with a Parisian backdrop.
It's about everybody, you know.
More your friends
maybe together than mine...
But we… we should go to Paris.
- Or the four of us.
- Four of us will go to Paris.
Then we'll be just like this record.
If we went to Paris.
Almost like this record.
It'll be 75% of this record
if we went to Paris together with you.
I'm not putting
the math together on it, but…
Can't quite do that note.
Hey, n*gga,
didn't I tell your a*s no g*ns in here?
Put that away.
That's the third time I told you.
God damn it!
Oh, hey, what's up, Ak?
- What's going on, Ant?
- I'm all right.
- You got me?
- Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, you and your, uh…
You and your pigment-challenged friend
have a seat there.
I got a bleeder.
Let me get this Gorilla Glue.
I hope the wait ain't too long.
You don't have a problem
with getting lined up here, do you?
Yeah. I'm chilling. This place is dope.
That's right.
Although, there appears to be a dress code
that I wasn't informed of.
Great, then we're good.
Hey, Ak, what's up with White Cuzz?
Well, I don't know, man. You know,
honestly, I don't really know this n*gga.
Am I White Cuzz?
- Well, I'm not.
- Hey, yo, White Cuzz.
I'm White Cuzz, for sure.
What's up, man?
Why don't you do me a favor,
slide out of that dead hoodie for me?
Hmm?
Your hoodie, n*gga, wrong color.
Why don't you take that sh*t off?
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, yeah, you know what?
It is humid as f*ck. Definitely.
It's funny. You were so cold
in the car a second ago.
I know, because the AC
was blowing at my throat.
And I was scared of getting strep,
and then I'm not anymore,
because we're in this, like,
small place with a bunch of people.
So I'm like, it's all good.
I'm just gonna take the hoodie off.
Okay. Wait a minute.
Are you sure you wanna do that?
I mean, who am I?
But what's gonna happen
after you take that off? What's next?
Gonna be getting cornered
by his crew out in the shower.
Fighting for your manhood every day,
till you get tired and tap out.
And then you be a certified rag doll.
Certified rag doll?
Have you doing their laundry
and taking your commissary tray.
And the very last face you see
before you cry yourself
to sleep every night will be his.
And the first face you see in the morning
when you wake up
from your nightmares will be his.
Now, is this the kind of
never-ending vicious cycle
you wanna get subjected to
just 'cause you wanted
to take your hoodie off?
They have a commissary here?
I always wanted to take
my daughter-in-law on a date like this.
- Okay, I'm excited.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Hi.
- One second.
Yes…
Wow. That's attitude.
Anyway, they offer this beeswax wrap here.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's actually from beehives.
- Really?
- Yeah.
They have hives here and...
- Hey.
- Hi.
Don't you look cute.
Yeah, that's no problem.
Are you okay with a male therapist?
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, Cesar's great…
I am so sorry.
Sorry for what?
Did… Did you not just see what happened?
No, what just happened?
Okay. Just so you know,
I come here all the time.
- Right?
- Okay, yeah.
- And so then I come in here with you.
- Mm-hmm.
And they let some white woman
just go in front of us.
Oh, oh, I didn't…
I mean, maybe her appointment
was just ahead of ours.
I can't believe
what you have to go through.
- What? What are you...?
- Hang on just a second.
- No, I really don't think you should...
- I got it.
Okay, you are.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
Okay, so, um…
as a future mother-in-law
of an African-American woman in America,
I am appalled, and I am disgusted
to have witnessed the racism
that I just witnessed.
Wait, what are you talking about?
Oh, you know exactly
what I'm talking about.
Hey.
Miss Shelley.
How about we get us some air?
- Uh, yeah. We're gonna get some air.
- Get some air.
- Oh.
- Um, it's under Cohen with... with a C.
- Yep.
- Get some air.
Right here, right here!
- This looks like a decent run.
- Yeah, man.
- What's up, Ak?
- What's up?
Hey, is this anything like Hughes Park?
Huh?
Langston Hughes Park.
You mentioned
that you play there all the time.
Although a pretty extensive Google search
and literally every single person I asked
about it never heard of it.
No, for sure, for sure.
Google's been like…
Definitely being weird.
- And that's been, like, issues for me, so…
- Ah!
I would take it
to the Genius Bar on that one, but, uh…
Also, it's like a pop-up Langston Hughes,
but this definitely has,
like, a Langston Hughes Park…
- Mm-hmm.
- Sort of charisma to it, for sure.
Yeah, man, why don't you
go out there and get a run in?
- Now?
- Yeah, man, go play.
I think there's,
like, a lot of people waiting and stuff.
Hey, can my man play?
Yeah, come on in. Let's ball.
You got next.
- Hurry up.
- All right, yeah.
All right, now, go out there
and get your Langston Hughes on.
I'm gonna.
Yeah. Hey. "Life for me
ain't been no crystal stair."
- That's good.
- Uh, that's Langston Hughes.
I know, dude.
I say that sh*t all the time.
That's my email signature.
What the hell you doing, bro?
- Oh, you're filming this?
- Yeah, kind of.
- You don't have to.
- I know it. I'm doing it for me.
- Okay.
- Come on now, Langston.
Swing that.
- Come on, dude!
- Come on now, Langston.
You weren't filming that?
Nah, I'mma get the next one though.
Now go around him. That's right.
Come on now.
Hey, y'all gonna just let him do that?
Mr. Mohammad, this was awesome.
We gotta do it again.
Yeah, I had a ball.
Throw me on a text with these guys.
They're too much.
- What are you saying?
- Dude.
Black people and white people
will never be cool. Period.
- What the f*ck are you talking about?
- The truth, dawg.
You're my best friend
and my business partner.
Yeah, that's how powerful
this sh*t is, bro.
It's kind of like when
you cheat on a woman, right?
When you cheat on a woman, it's like
you try to move forward but never can.
Why? 'Cause she just
keeps asking questions.
She needs to know every detail.
She won't let it go, you know.
It's like, "Did you strap her?"
"Did she suck it? Did you guys do a**l?"
This is not where
I was expecting this to go.
Oh, I mean, it's where it needs to go,
man, 'cause it's the truth.
For Black people in this country,
white dudes are the cheater.
And we're the chick who can't move on.
No matter how bad we want to,
we can't forget what y'all did
and what y'all are still doing.
Oh.
For those who don't know who I am,
I am Demetrius, uh, Amira's cousin.
Love her to death.
And, uh, I'm a wedding planner.
Okay, first off, my name is "Amira,"
and you do day parties
at the airport DoubleTree.
Uh, business is expanding
as it should, right?
I mean,
if you ain't escalating, what you doing?
- You know?
- Yeah.
Well, um, I am Becca
and, uh, also a party planner.
- I am an old friend of the Cohens.
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be rude or anything.
But why… why do we need them?
- Oh, Amira.
- Look, I can't stress this enough.
But I told you stress is gonna be extra
if I'm gonna be dealing with her,
'cause I… I gotta be amazing.
Don't worry about it.
She's gonna cooperate.
Thank you.
You know,
you really don't have a lot of time.
So I do think
we have to jump in pretty quickly.
I thought maybe we could start
with a theme, lock that down.
Um, and I was thinking
maybe like an old Hollywood.
I love old Hollywood.
Right? I know.
You love the period
when Black entertainers
couldn't stay
in the hotels they performed in?
- That's an excellent point.
- Mm-hmm.
You know,
I've always hated Gone with the Wind.
Way before you were supposed to.
Before it was cool.
See, the spirit is moving me
to move in this direction, which is, uh,
I was thinking more
of, like, a Tron type of feel.
You know? Remember the '80s Tron?
- No.
- Yeah.
So we have a Tron type of wedding,
but a hood Tron, you know.
Keep it… Keep it less expensive
by having, uh, LED light suits instead
of the regular suits.
Have it in the hood, having real people
doing real things in the Tron world.
- I… I don't think...
- I like that.
- I don't.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, brother, there we are.
A little clarity.
Do you mean that everybody
wears the same suit to the wedding?
Nah, you pick your color,
but you gotta get in where you fit in.
First come, first serve.
I want a red... I want a red one.
You want the red one?
We got that. So the red is gone.
Where do we get the suits?
Oh, I'll bring the suits, yeah.
I'll bring the suits.
I got 40 hood Tron suits,
and, uh, they light up.
- All of 'em work. It's gonna be great.
- Mm.
- And you have 40 of them?
- Forty of 'em.
Anybody outside of y'all wedding,
more than 40 people,
then that's on y'all.
I wouldn't bring them
'cause they couldn't fit in the suit.
They gonna look weird
without being in a suit.
- It'll be cool, brother. There you go.
- That sounds different.
- Ain't nobody did the Tron wedding.
- Ain't nobody did that.
Yo, our parents are k*lling us.
I know.
The good news is
we are almost done with it.
And they've been so busy,
they're basically out of our lives.
You're right.
I haven't heard from my mom in days.
It's been amazing.
Yeah, I haven't heard
from my dad either, which is rare,
because he hasn't even sent one
of his "form follows function" texts.
Do you think
something terrible happened to him?
Oh, my God, no. Why would you say that?
No, I... that would be horrible.
That would be the worst.
I'm just making sure he's okay.
Anyway, babe, I gotta go.
- I don't wanna be late. Kiss.
- You look beautiful.
Thank you.
You're gonna k*ll it.
Remember, you got the juice.
You really
haven't seen that movie, have you?
If you f*cking say
I haven't seen Juice one more time,
I will leave your a*s.
That's why with the Victorian dress,
I went with the blues and the greens.
A very rich color for this time.
And just so you guys know, I have
really great relationships downtown,
and I can get high-quality fabrics
for, like, a fraction of the cost.
- This is great.
- Yeah.
I would love to leave you guys
with some of my sketches.
That would be amazing.
Man. And can you remind me
when you graduated Harvard?
It's just maybe we know the same people.
Oh, um,
I… I didn't go to, um, Harvard.
I went to Howard.
Howard. Sounds kind of similar.
It's like a Black Harvard.
Interesting.
Let's go!
No, I'm telling you, this bachelor party's
exactly what you need
to get your mind right
before the wedding, homie.
I'm so f*cking stressed, bro.
- Oh!
- I can't wait.
Vegas with the m*therf*cking squad, n*gga.
We gonna have so much fun.
Bro, I'm gonna do molly
and lick a stripper's toes, man.
sh*t's gonna be lit.
Hey. What's going on, y'all?
- Hey, what's up?
- Mm.
What's up?
Yeah, man.
Hope it's not a problem me being here.
You know, I figure I'd tag along.
I brought Omar too.
What's up, n*gga?
Hey, Omar.
Yeah, when I found out that Amira
was gonna take your mother and sister
to Palm Springs with the girls,
I figured it'd be cool for me
to come hang out with the fellas.
- Yeah, that's such a good and normal idea.
- Yeah.
Listen, when we're in Vegas,
I don't want you thinking
I'm your future father-in-law.
I'm not that guy.
I'm just another one of the fellas,
hanging out having a good time.
Hey, what's your boy's name again?
Uh, my name's Mo, and I have t*tties.
- Oh, I'm sorry, bro... um, sister... Mo.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Can I get my seat?
- I'm sorry about that, yeah.
We gonna have fun.
Totally.
- What the f*ck is going on?
- Bro, I don't know.
But his casual nature
is terrifying, all right?
He's the type of n*gga that'll k*ll you
and get a solid nine
and a half hours of sleep.
I've done that.
I've done that.
Hey, did you know that Mo had t*tties?
Yeah, they're on her chest.
Dude, uh, so what's your plan?
We catch this kid with the beard
doing weird stupid sh*t,
and you just snitch on him
to your daughter?
No, we gonna just go down there
and make sure he don't have no fun.
That is very low class of you.
- But I cannot lie. That is a good plan.
- Hmm.
Vegas has a knack
for bringing out who people really are.
- That's right.
- Can tell a lot about a man by his crew.
That's right.
- Cheers!
- Shot!
Shot!
- Swallow the pill.
- Ahh!
- All right, this is for my boy.
- Yeah.
The E to the Z to the m*therf*cking E.
You know what I'm saying?
He's trading in his pimp card, boys.
- Yeah, this one's for me.
- Hell yeah!
- Hi!
- You glowing and sh*t.
Ladies, who's making
all the noise in the lobby?
- Hey!
- Hi, gorgey!
Well, hello, t*tties! Mwah!
Hello, girls!
Who is this white woman?
Oh.
You guys, so this is
Miss Shelley, Ezra's mother.
Oh!
Gosh, you are all so gorgeous.
- I can't stop staring at you.
- Thank you.
Honestly, it's like, these earrings
and the orange business up top.
It's just so dope.
- I can't get over it. And the hair.
- It's dope.
I mean,
I am straight up simping for all of you.
Yeah.
And that is a beautiful tattoo.
- Oh, thank you.
- Of course. What does that say?
It says, "Rest in peace, Big Rev."
Oh, condolences.
Yeah, he was my heart.
Um, I wonder why you didn't put it…
- …on your other breast. Wha...
- Mom, for the love of God.
- I'm so sorry.
- Yes.
For your loss and for my mom.
What?
Ah!
Hey, let me get this straight.
Every single person that you know
does coke, but you don't?
Yeah, it's crazy and upsetting.
It's… It's driving us apart, honestly.
I miss them the way they were, you know.
Yo! Ezra!
Ezra, buddy, buddy. We're almost out.
So we need your guy's number.
So we need to call the coke guy.
Your guy, your coke guy.
Can we call him? Thank you.
What guy? I don't have a guy!
Ez, what? You definitely have a guy.
- You got a guy.
- The coke guy from Vegas from last time.
Just call him. Quit holding out.
I think you're so high on cocaine,
you don't know what you're saying.
I don't have a coke guy.
No. You have a guy.
We bought cocaine from him.
- He is a cocaine dealer.
- Yeah.
And we bought coke,
and you got so high that
you ended up passing out on the Strip.
You had cocaine all over your face.
Wait, I think I remember you.
You… You sh*t your pants last time.
Yes, you did! You sh*t your pants!
- From cocaine use! You did that.
- Shut the f*ck up.
Sniff, sniff, m*therf*ckers,
guess who I found.
- Coke guy!
- Exactly! h*-h*!
Ezra! Ezra,
that's the guy I was talking about.
The coke guy!
Look. Look, look at his knuckles.
Yeah, it says "Coke Guy"
right there on his knuckles.
Ezra! Thank you for
the Edible Arrangement on my birthday.
Such a mensch. For you, Papi.
God damn. That's a lot
of cocaine you got there, Ezra.
Yeah.
Hey, you sh*t on yourself
last time you was here?
You shat your slacks?
Yes, but not from cocaine.
It was from… It was from Chipotle.
- I'm ready. I am ready!
- Oh!
- Seven letters. Plural.
- Yeah, right.
A group of people who move beautifully.
Okay, you said plural, so there's an "s."
- "S."
- Good.
- Oh, strippers! Strippers!
- Too many letters.
Oh, wait. Oh, no, no, no, I've got it.
Is it an "n" word?
No.
No, no. I meant N-Navajos.
- Oh, jeez.
- No, that's where I was going.
Was Navajos, because, um…
- You know, when they move, the Navajo...
- Mom.
Mom, please.
What?
Oh. Dancers!
Oh, my God!
What the hell!
What the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, my God!
No, no!
It's okay.
Your braids look good.
It's hooked onto my…
It's okay. Somebody get her a wig.
- Did you know this was a wig?
- No, I… I didn't know that.
I mean, this… this is kind of amazing
craftsmanship, don't you think? Because...
- Gimme the girl's wig back. Gimme the wig.
- What...
- Now it's all tangled up.
- You're okay.
- Let's go!
- Okay.
We out.
What ha...
- Was your trip as bad as mine?
- I guess you could say that.
Yeah, mine was rough.
Did your dad say anything?
No. Why? Should he?
No, just that, uh, everything went okay,
and it was totally normal, so, yeah.
- Okay.
- Why was yours rough? 'Cause my mom?
I don't wanna talk about it.
What'd she do this time?
Ezra, I don't...
I really don't wanna talk about it.
Just tell me what she did.
Okay, she pulled the same
tone-deaf sh*t she does all the time.
But that's what y'all do, so…
What type of sh*t is that to say?
I'm sorry. I just got a lot on my mind.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
- Throwing this sh*t away.
- Why?
Because I didn't get the job, Ezra.
That's why.
What?
The producer called me and told me
that he went with someone else.
Someone who has more
period piece experience. I don't know.
Baby, I'm sorry.
If it's any consolation,
I can hold you down for a while.
No, Ezra,
I don't wanna be some kept woman.
I'm just trying to think
of ways to help you, all right?
Like…
Let me...
Let me call
my family friend Rick Greenwald.
He's got connections,
and he'll look out
for you on your next job.
Oh, the f*cking luxury.
Are you not listening to what I'm saying?
Are you not hearing me?
Everything I have, I've gotten on my own.
I've worked really hard for it
and worked through
all this r*cist bullshit,
all for you to be able to come in
and call your family friend
to give me a job
I probably should have got five years ago?
How do you think that makes me feel?
Well, I'm not trying to make you feel bad.
I'm just trying to, like, help.
And it's okay to accept help
from someone who loves you.
That's really easy for you to say because
that's how life has worked for you.
That's not how it works for me.
Whatever. We have to get ready
for this rehearsal dinner.
I'm going to the bathroom. Alone.
Please.
Yeah, I don't wanna go
to the bathroom with you.
Since when?
My charger's in there though.
Let me just grab my charger
before you're in there for a while.
Oh, my God!
One, two…
- Woody!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
My name is Akbar Mohammad, bro.
Oh, man. Mama named you Woody.
I'm calling you Woody.
Yeah, Mama didn't give birth
to no fake-Versace-wearing,
PPP-loan-scamming career criminal,
but here we are.
This is Versace.
n*gga, please.
Anyway, I ain't no criminal, okay?
It was a peeping Tom charge, okay?
I was looking in there, peeping to see
if my baby mama was cheating,
so I could get lower prices
on my child support.
Why peep through the window?
Because I wanted to see somebody
have her broke down over, like a shotgun.
That ain't gonna lower your child support.
The judge seen her being a h*,
my child support will go low.
Can't go up in the judge,
"I seen her bent over, Your Honor."
"I should get less."
The judge ain't gonna
give you less money.
I've done it before.
- Hi, Uncle EJ.
- Hey, baby!
Hey!
This is Ezra. Ezra, this my Uncle EJ.
- What's up, Ez? What'd you say, Ez...
- Ezra.
- Famous Uncle EJ. Heard a lot about you.
- This is my uncle.
Okay.
Yeah, this is Ezra. This is the man.
My man, all right.
Okay, I'm gonna go say what's up to Renee.
- Yeah.
- Y'all be nice.
We'll be nice to Ezra.
You gonna let this credit card sit here,
we gonna swipe him.
He look like an AmEx,
standing here with his hair slicked back.
Oh. He lying.
- All right.
- All right. Okay.
Come back soon if you want.
- Ezra does a podcast on Black culture.
- Oh!
Tell him, Ezra.
Yeah, I do podcasts.
About what?
The culture.
Oh, you're gonna just say "culture"
and leave "Black" out?
You gotta get that money
some kind of way, baby, huh?
Give me $150 real quick.
Don't tell her I asked for the money.
- I won't. I'll Venmo...
- Give me a Cîroc.
And, uh, the white Barry White
something to drink.
Cheers!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I got something to say.
- I got something to say. Uh…
- Okay, say it!
This is nice, y'all. This is real nice.
I ain't never had
no, uh, wedding like this,
but I mean, I've been married three times.
That's right.
Two times at the courthouse
and then one time
at the Benihana's.
We ain't had no reservations,
nothing like that.
Amira, my cousin, I just wanna say
how happy I am for you and Ezra...
Girl, we just wanna say congrats.
You marrying this white man.
Girl, all these white people are here.
If you like it, we love it,
right?
I stormed the Capitol.
I did. I was there.
Ezra tried to stop me.
He's a liberal cuck, but he's a good man.
To my best friend Ezra,
who's kind and thoughtful,
but for whatever reason didn't think
to sit me on the Black side of the table,
which just aesthetically
makes sense, you know.
Cheers to inclusion
and our newly found generational wealth.
"He left the family early, um,
leaving his mother responsible
for everybody, including the house."
"And after Mom died in 1984,
Xzibit had no choice
but to move in back
with his father in New Mexico."
I… I wanna say…
I wanna say it was Albuquerque.
- Okay. I think we can wrap it up. Yeah.
- I think.
That vaccine…
makes you g*y.
So the moral of the story is
never date a woman
who don't respect your wife.
No, I didn't mean to...
I said the wrong sh*t.
Can I have everybody's attention, please?
Attention, everyone.
Yeah, I know it's, uh,
it's customary for the father
to give a speech on the wedding day.
But I thought there was some things
that I needed to, uh, address tonight.
Um,
when a man's daughter gets married,
they say that the man is giving her away.
Now, that's a really hard pill to swallow.
Because you don't usually know
who the man is
that you're giving your daughter away to.
Usually.
But I consider myself fortunate,
because I think
I kind of do know who Ezra is.
And he's not a drunken, drugged-out,
dream-chasing wh*re monger
who surrounds himself
with a bunch of, uh, r*cist degenerates.
I didn't get that guy.
I got this guy.
Mmm. Aww.
All right, okay, okay.
So, here's to my beautiful baby girl.
- Cheers!
- We love you.
Congratulations!
Thank you, sir.
Hey.
Oh, Ezra.
Thank you for,
uh, what you did back there.
What did I do back there?
Your speech.
You could've, uh,
could've blown up my spot.
You didn't, so thanks.
Well, save your thank you,
'cause I didn't do it for you.
I did that for my daughter.
You think I'm gonna embarrass her
in front of her whole family?
No.
You don't know me too well.
But here's the thing. I know you.
I've known you from the very start.
I had your number from day one.
And for the life of me,
I do not know why my daughter
continues to go down this path with you.
There's one thing
that I'm crystal clear on,
is that you are absolutely,
positively, unequivocally
not the right the guy for my daughter.
Period.
- Why?
- Excuse me.
Why am I not
the right guy for your daughter?
Well, sh*t, where do I begin?
Anywhere.
Well, what… what about
we start at your bachelor party?
When I saw you in the room
with the strippers and the cocaine,
how about we start there?
Why don't we start with
why you were at my bachelor party
in the first place?
You had no right to be there.
Bachelor parties are
for people to be weird.
That's not who I am.
Okay? It's my dumb f*cking friends.
But you deeboed your way in,
and you got what you wanted.
I had a shitty time.
As a matter of fact, I have a shitty time
whenever you're around.
You're like the cooler to my life,
and I don't know why.
Because the truth is all I've ever done
is love your daughter,
wholly and completely.
And she loves me,
and we wanna marry each other.
And you just decided
before you even met me
that you hated me.
And then once you met me,
you put all your energy
just towards, like, smoking me out
or trying to prove
I don't belong around Black people,
or that I'm a researcher
and not a witness.
That's why you brought me
to play ball at that park.
Why you brought me to that Crip barbershop
while I'm wearing a red hoodie
like an idiot.
It's why you f*ck with me about my podcast
and my music taste and how I talk
and how I think and who my friends are
and basically
everything that I'm a part of.
And I just take it. I take it!
I take your sh*t. I take it all day.
And it did teach me one thing
that you were right about.
And what's that?
I will never, ever, ever
know what it's like
to be a Black person in this country.
But I do know what an as*h*le is.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I'm really pleased with the way...
And they're such a nice group of...
Oh, Amira! Amira. Hi!
Would you excuse me for just a second?
- Oh, my gosh!
- Hi.
Hi! I just wanted to stop you
and tell you
that I think you look so pretty.
Thank you.
Is that a roller set?
- Hmm?
- Your hair. Is it a roller set?
Um, no, it's not.
Oh. sh**t. Okay.
It's not individuals, right?
No.
No? Okay. sh*t.
All right, well, I guess I'm gonna
have to go back to the drawing board.
I, uh... Ever since the bachelorette party…
Mm-hmm.
…I just did this really deep dive
on Black women's hair.
And, um, oh, for example,
I watched the Chris Rock documentary.
I don't know if you've had a chance
to see it. It's absolutely fantastic.
And he's so funny.
There's something about his voice
that always makes me laugh.
But anyway, there's nothing funny
about Black women's hair, you know.
I mean, my God, I just had no idea.
I mean, it really blew my mind.
You know, the energy and the time
and the… the pain and the suffering
that Black women go through.
And so, anyway,
I just wanted to be well-versed
for when I saw you next,
and I'll let you get back to it.
Yeah, and... but before you go,
can you just tell me…
What is this style?
Just so I know for next time.
- Shelley, I'm not a toy.
- Because I...
Hmm?
I really don't appreciate you treating me
like some shiny little object
you can show off to your friends.
Oh, no,
I would never do anything like that.
- No, you are.
- No...
- Just let me finish. Yes, you do.
- Oh, no, I...
Since I met you,
I've been nothing but kind and respectful.
And it's starting to feel like
you're all happy
that you have this Black daughter-in-law
now that it's cool
to care about Black people.
I bet every time we hang out,
you tell one of your friends,
and I can guarantee you
that what you don't tell them
is that every time we hang out,
you are wildly offensive
and incredibly inappropriate.
- Well, I'm not...
- Oh, and now you're gonna cry.
You're gonna clutch your pearls
and play the victim
as if everything I just said,
none of that was valid.
My feelings are not valid.
Your feelings are hurt.
Am I being too aggressive with you?
Am I giving you "angry"?
The crazy thing is that I really
genuinely wanted to get to know you,
woman to woman.
I thought you would see me.
- That's what I...
- No, it's not.
Because you can't just see me for me.
It doesn't matter how many books you read
or how many documentaries that you watch,
because at the end of the day,
I won't just be Amira to you.
I'll always be Amira,
the Black token daughter-in-law,
and that's ignorant.
Amira, are you okay?
Not really.
- Miss Shelley, are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.
All right. Uh, Amira, honey.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yes.
You wanna go first?
- I do, but it sounds like you do too.
- I do.
Ezra…
I don't know how this is gonna work.
Okay.
It's just…
You know, your family,
my family, the whole thing,
I don't know
if it's supposed to be this hard,
and if I'm being honest, I just…
Oh, God, I don't have it in me.
I'm so sorry.
Uh, I don't disagree.
The stuff with our families, like…
my mom, your dad.
Yeah, I guess I don't see it changing, so…
I do, uh, I do want you to know that,
uh, this time with you has been,
like, the happiest time of my life, so…
I feel the same way.
Okay.
I've been thinking
about something you said.
n*gga, if I had a dollar
for every time I heard that one.
You're extremely unlikable.
You know that, right?
- What?
- Whoa-h*!
- Yee-hee!
- Oh, my!
Anyways, what did I say
that's been profoundly
rattling around in your consciousness?
You said that Black people
and white people could never be cool,
and I think you're right.
Yeah, bro, of course I was right.
I'm always right.
Is that what's bothering you?
That I'm always right?
No, what's bothering me is,
for a second, I believed you were wrong.
That there was hope for us.
For the future.
That when two people from
two different walks of life came together,
they could get by
on their compassion for one another
and their curiosity and their love.
But at the end of the day,
when it comes to Black and white people,
I don't think love is enough.
There's too many other outside factors.
Whether it be your friends or your family,
people can't accept
what they don't understand.
Whether it's right is one thing,
but factually, it's true.
We really do live in two worlds.
There's no escaping it.
I was raised by hip-hop sh*t.
It's made me who I am, but even with that,
I still wasn't prepared for the realities
of a world I'm just not from.
I'll always be an outsider.
Which is why, as f*cked up as this sounds,
I feel like if you love something,
as much as you
wanna share it with everybody,
I think it's best
you keep it for yourself.
See, I told you. The white Barry White,
he be spitting some sh*t!
Him and Joe Rogan.
I ain't mad at Joe Rogan
for saying "n*gga" every other word,
long as he don't say that sh*t in my face.
To make a relationship work,
it's the hardest thing…
Man, you kind of
dragged bruh a little bit.
What are you talking about? Ezra?
I ain't drag him.
You drug him like a fat b*tch's left foot.
No, no, no, no, no,
you can miss me with all that sh*t.
I did exactly what any father would do.
You played him like a white boy,
'cause you knew you could
get away with it. Tell the truth!
Oh, you would've handled it differently?
I would've got a car out of his a*s.
I'd have probably
started me a line of credit,
probably got me a washer and dryer,
probably a bottle of cologne.
Try to get my back patio done.
This is the stuff
that he probably wanna do.
You in your own reality, huh?
That sh*t ain't gonna happen.
It don't matter what I would've did.
Times have changed.
The world is different, Woody.
Akbar, b*tch. My name is Akbar.
- It's the same amount of syllables...
- See? See?
You didn't see what I saw.
Him and his friends, the degenerates,
was doing so much cocaine in Vegas,
it looked like
they was doing a reboot of Scarface.
So that's what it's about? Cocaine?
Yes, that's one of the main reasons.
Yes, cocaine.
He was doing not just cocaine.
Lots of cocaine.
It was copious amounts
of cocaine, everywhere.
He did so much cocaine,
he sh*t on hisself!
- You seen him sh*t on hisself?
- No, I ain't see him sh*t on hisself.
But I heard about the other time
when he was there and he sh*t on hisself,
and everybody still talks about it.
So the whole town knows.
How we gonna be falling
in the spot with this n*gga?
Wow.
Look, I'm not saying it's right,
but you did your sh*t back in the day.
You remember they came out with
the Cold Blooded Rick James album?
No, I don't remember
the Cold Blooded Rick James album.
Okay, but coke do.
Man, we loved that album.
That was the only time
I felt related to you.
And I think you shorted him a little bit.
Yeah, you… you shorted him.
And… And you shorted Amira.
Shorted both of 'em.
Can you please stop smiling so big?
- You're freaking out the locals.
- What?
Well, I'm excited that my son
is gonna buy me some tennis shoes.
I just don't understand
why all of a sudden
you need a pair of Dunks so badly.
Because Diane Kaplan's son
bought her a pair of tennis shoes
and the b*tch won't stop talking about it.
Oh, sh*t.
What?
Oh, well, that's cool. We can just go in
and get the shoes, doesn't matter.
I think you gotta let Diane one up you
on this one, Mom.
- I don't really wanna...
- It's…
Ezra?
Oh, uh, Amira, what's up, girl?
Mm. "What's up, girl"?
Why are you sounding
like LL Cool J? What's up?
Sorry, I just wasn't expecting
to run into you here.
I mean, yeah, same.
Daddy, what's going on?
Oh, f*ck me.
Good timing.
Yeah. Okay, I didn't
bring you here to buy me shoes.
- Yeah, starting to put that together.
- Yeah.
Yeah, and, baby girl, I don't know
what I told you to get you down here,
but whatever it was, it was a lie.
The truth is
Shelley and I have been talking.
Yep. Uh, we screwed up, you guys.
- Badly.
- Yeah.
And we feel
like we owe y'all some apologies.
Mm-hmm.
- Can I go first?
- Yeah, please, go, go.
Ezra.
Brother.
Man, listen.
I been riding your back
from the moment we first met,
and I'm sorry.
'Cause you didn't deserve that.
It's just I couldn't handle the fact
that you weren't
what we ever thought Amira
would bring home and, uh, you know…
And I never ever thought
that I could see my reflection in you, so…
But I do.
And you're a good man.
And a hustler.
And most importantly,
we both love Amira very much,
and we'll do anything to make her happy.
Okay, it's my turn.
Um, Amira.
I am so sorry
for everything that I did
and said that was offensive to you.
The truth is I… I was just lost.
You know, my son came home
with this beautiful, amazing woman,
and I didn't know
anything about her world.
I mean, I thought I did.
And I was just so excited to have
a new and different culture in our family,
and I just hope
that you accept my apology,
because I do apologize
on behalf of all white people.
Except for the r*cist ones,
the actual r*cist ones.
And on behalf of all Jewish people.
Except for Aunt Mitzi because…
- Yeah, she's r*cist.
- She's actually r*cist.
She's a horrible human being.
But really mostly on behalf of me,
Shelley Cohen of Brentwood, California.
I am so sorry, Amira,
because I love you and you are not a toy.
I see you as the real, powerful,
individual person that you are.
Thank you so much, Miss Shelley,
that means a lot to me.
And I fully receive that.
It felt very genuine and sincere,
so thank you so much.
And, Ezzy.
I'm also sorry
for always getting in the way.
No, you're not.
I'm not, honey, but I love you.
- Yeah. I love you too.
- I love you, baby, very much.
Okay, so…
Akbar and I had a little idea.
Yes, and we think
you're both gonna like it very much.
A lot.
So, did you miss me
as much as I missed you?
I missed you so much.
I even got a pair of slides the other day
'cause I wanted to feel close to you.
- Eww!
- They were Umbros. It was all they had.
- I know.
- No.
- I got 'em 'cause I was so sad.
- Aww.
- Missed you.
- I missed you too.
This is great!
I love you.
Aww!
Blessings to all who are present
to witness Ezra and Amira
unite their lives in marriage.
Two hearts as one.
Ezra and Amira,
you choose each other to build a home,
not of brick and mortar, but a home
and haven in your hearts together.
May it be fulfilled each day
as you are
on this beautiful journey of love.
Aww!
Just a little heavy on the tongue.
Most white people do.
Oh!
Can you believe this is happening?
Yep!
Wow. They look so happy, huh?
Yeah, they do.
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen.
Mr. and Mrs. Mohammad-Cohen.
Yep.
Ain't that a b*tch!
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You People (2023)
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