( horn honks )
Man:
One, two, three and...
(band plays
"Good King Wenceslas" )
Carolers:While the snow
lay round about
Deep and crisp
and even
Brightly shone
the moon that night
Girl: There he
is! There he is!
Here comes Santa!
He's coming!
He's coming!
Mommy, he's coming.
h*! h*! h*!
He's here!
It's about time,
Santa.
Oh, go fly a kite,
Charlotte.
Now, them's the
faces I like to see.
- Who's first?
- Me! Me!
You?
Oh!
Aah!
(chuckles)
Oh!
What's your name,
cutie pie?
Sabrina.
I don't want much
for Christmas.
Some socks
would be okay.
Socks for Christmas?
Now what is it
you really want?
A kitty,
a doggy, a pony...
Some roller skates
for me and my doll.
Santa: You're sure
that's what you want?
Why did Homer do that?
We don't have
any money for Christmas.
Nobody does.
Maybe there really is
a Santa Claus, Edna Mae.
You never know.
Oh, Charlotte...
To tell you
the God's honest truth,
This is the saddest
Christmas I ever spent,
'cause the whole
family knows
it'll be our last one
in Willow Creek.
Oh, give it a while,
Edna Mae.
Apart from the livestock,
honey,
Which of them things
do you really want?
- A G.I. Joe.
- Well...
I ought to sit
in Homer's lap,
tell him what we all
want for Christmas
is for that darn cannery
to open up again.
Come on, honey.
I want a set of exploding
demolition derby cars
and a truck that
turns into a robot.
Oh.
Is Al finally coming
home this year?
Oh...
I love them California
oranges he always sends.
Thurgood Wiggins--
one set
of demolition derby
exploding cars
and a truck that
turns into a robot.
Got it.
A pair of
bunny rabbit slippers
and ribbons for her hair
for Cleo Rhode.
Got it.
Hi.
Look, didn't
anybody tell you
that the new secretaries
are supposed to wander
around the office
so I can check out
their legs?
What is your name?
- Turtle.
- Turtle?
Well, what kind of
name is Turtle?
It's my name,
all right?
That's it, huh?
The whole sh**ting match?
You got
every kid in town
and nobody knows
about it but us two.
Okay, now, guess who's going
to be driving her up?
You don't mean it?
It's gotta do
a man's soul good
to have a white Christmas
once more in his life.
Hey, what's he writing
all that stuff down for?
Oh, Al's kind of
a Christmas nut, you know?
Every year he sends a
bunch of fruit and stuff
up to his hometown in Alaska.
This year, though,
he's personally taking up
a whole truckload of toys
and, you know,
stuff like that.
I think the town's on
its last legs or something.
He must really have the spirit
of Christmas, doesn't he?
Yeah...
but that's not really
the question here, is it?
The question here is...
do you...
like truckers?
My name's Ray.
( chuckles ) Hi.
Now listen up, 'cause I'm
sending something else, too.
- What?
- I ain't gonna tell you.
It's a surprise,
but you'll like it.
It's a humdinger.
Al...
I told Edna Mae Fisch
this morning
there really
was a Santa Claus.
Hmm?
You're him.
Bah. Humbug.
Hey, look,
I'm hanging up now.
This phone call's
costing me too much money.
I'll see you in four days.
( sighs )
Ray, let's get a beer.
Then we'll do some shopping.
( opera music plays )
No, no way.
I'm not going in there, Al.
Why not?
You know why not.
Listen to that music.
Nobody pays good money
to hear fat
Italian people sing.
The only reason they got
it on the jukebox is for him.
Hey, Pete,
Why don't you just throw
your kid over your knee
and let him have it?
- He's 15, Martha Jane.
- So?
The real problem is me
being gone so much.
Maybe if Mike and I spend
a real nice Christmas together.
Been on the road
the last two.
Maybe it would help.
I don't know.
He's not mad at me,
and I'm the one who's buying.
- Hey, Pete.
- Nice music.
Don't look now.
Does that mean we can put on
some rock 'n' roll?
- Pete: Hey, Al.
- Pete, where you going?
Let's have a drink.
No, thanks.
You notice who stays
and who leaves, don't you?
Why don't you guys
just sh**t each other
and get it over with?
Well, you have had
worse ideas lately.
Well, if it wasn't for
a certain woman I could name--
Oh, come on, Al, now,
don't harp on that, huh?
( grunts )
Al?
You all right?
Yeah, I think so.
It's just a little pleurisy.
Can I get you something?
How about
a glass of water?
All right.
You wait right here.
( heavy metal music playing )
Man:∂ Plastic girl
in a plastic world
You got to know
what is real--∂
How'd you like to take in
a Raiders game
with me this Sunday?
Guess not.
I got a tree.
Yeah, so what?
Well, I was thinking
maybe we could
get down the decorations
and trim it later on.
Maybe make some popcorn
and string it up
like we used to.
You mean like
me and mom used to.
You and me don't even
need a Christmas tree,
'cause you ain't
even gonna be here.
Yes, I will.
I'm not going
on the road this year.
Yeah? And why not?
Well, maybe so you and I
can spend Christmas together.
- How about that?
- Oh, there's a thrill.
( heavy metal music playing )
Till the night,
the time is right
She knows she's got
nothin' to fear...
( laughs )
( groans )
So...you're still
not gonna tell me
what's up in the front
of the load, huh?
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do--
first time
you go to sleep,
I'm gonna climb back here
and check it out.
No, you won't.
You're too lazy to move
all that other stuff
out of the way.
Leave any room
for my bike?
Ow! Ray!
Ray: Why don't you ride
with him, Mrs. Al?
I'm coming along
and hold this old fool's hand.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
We can't allow that.
- Oh, yes, you can.
( siren wails )
Doggone, how am I
supposed to drive?
You aren't.
Now just relax.
Helen, this is the most
important thing
I've ever done
in my life.
That load's got to roll
out of here tomorrow.
Okay.
Man:Until Overland Lumber
makes a decision to come here,
Maybe we can go to Washington
for some disaster relief.
Economic depression
isn't a disaster.
Well, it is to me
and my family.
Man:
Yeah, me, too!
We should never
have closed the cannery.
Doggone it!
The firm took away the operation
and the orchard contract
and left Willow Creek
with an empty building.
Don't you think we tried
to keep them here?
Willow Creek's
a wide spot in the road
in the middle of nowhere.
Nobody's gonna bring in
a new business here.
Dadgum it!
Can't you people
talk about nothing
but the death of this town?
Christmas is coming.
Ah, shut up, Homer.
You're taking being Santa Claus
far too seriously.
This is economic reality
we are discussing here.
It's got nothing to
do with Christmas.
Mayor, there ain't nothing
in this town right now
that doesn't have
to do with Christmas.
Willow Creek
is gonna live or die
depending on this Christmas.
You mark my words.
Well?
Look, I love you and Al.
You know that.
But I can't go.
Can't you bury
the hatchet with Ray?
After all, you never
were married to Jessie.
Just leave
Jessie out of it.
Besides, Ray isn't
the main reason.
I can handle him.
But the thing is,
I promised Mike that
I'd spend Christmas
with him.
Well, take him along.
I'd have to handcuff him
to the truck.
Pete, getting that load
to Willow Creek
is the most important
thing in Al's life.
The doctor said this
was just a warning,
and he's okay now,
but I'm telling you,
it'd k*ll him
if that truck didn't get there.
It's got to be
there by Christmas,
and Ray's got to
be with it.
- Why?
-Al's got his reasons.
And if it's that
important to Al,
It's got to be that important
to the people who love him.
Pete, you know that no one
but you can control Ray
for that long a trip.
Al knows that, too.
You're the only one
he can depend on.
I suppose one more
missed Christmas
isn't gonna make
that much difference.
Oh, Pete.
Yeah? So what are you
telling me for, huh?
What do I care?
I'm telling you because
I said we'd spend
Christmas together.
That's why.
Mike, I want you
to understand that
it would take something
this important
for me to break
my promise to you.
You could come along.
No way.
I can spend Christmas
with my friends now.
Yeah.
( phone rings )
Yeah.
Man:Hello, this is
The Van Nuys police department,
-juvenile division.
- The what?
It was just an arrest,
destruction
of private property.
What the hell
is the matter with you?
You want to go to jail?
You want to be a criminal?
What do you
want me to do?
Thank you very much.
And what have you got
in the ice chest?
Would you see me off--
Don't worry.
It's not beer.
It's enough of my famous chili
to last me for four days.
Or maybe lunch
and dinner for two?
What?
What are you
talking about?
( horn honks )
Oh, terrific.
What's he doing here?
( door slams )
Oh, now, hold on
just a second.
This isn't fair.
I'm not going
anywhere with you.
- Shut up and unhook it.
- Is that Mikey up there?
Pete:Yeah, we're
spending Christmas together.
Get in the back.
Do it.
Get in
the truck, Ray.
I said get in, Ray.
Hey, man, don't
tell me what to do.
Ray, get in.
Take care, now.
Al:
You're a good man, Pete.
I ain't that good, Al.
I'm just trying to be fair.
We'll get her there
for you.
- Thanks.
- You bet.
- Al:Merry Christmas.
- Same to you.
- Bye, now.
- Bye, Pete.
I sure hope those two guys
will be okay together.
What an exciting prospect,
a road trip
with Mr. Personality.
I know you, man.
22 hours, 4 minutes,
and 6 seconds to Seattle
or bust.
You gonna stop
every now and then
so we can go
to the bathroom?
Get out right now
if you want to.
Hey, I'd do it
in a second.
All right, do it now.
I'll pull over right here.
Keep driving.
- Just say the word.
- I said, keep driving,
all right?
I don't need you to
tell me to keep driving.
Well, la-di-da.
Merry Christmas,
one and all.
Man:Hey, Charlotte.
Get out here!
Homer Hightower,
What in the blue blazes
are you doing up there?
I'm waiting for
the spirit of Christmas
to come back
to Willow Creek,
and I ain't coming down
till it's here!
- Man: Get down!
-( dog barks )
( opera music plays )
Ray:
Oh, joy,
we get to listen
to fat people sing,
the porker parade.
Hedwig Stromberg,
huh?
- This her?
- Yeah.
Hey, I'm a son of a g*n,
man.
She's a dead ringer
for Chuck Connors.
- Look at that jaw.
- That's real funny, Ray.
No. I mean it.
Wait a second, here.
Yeah...
"Hedwig Stromberg,
warbling the title role,
is best known to TV fans
as "The Rifleman."
( laughs )
How about that?
Give me that.
What a jerk.
So what's your story,
Slim?
You were
painting something green
and decided to use your head
as a paintbrush?
Ha ha.
A year ago he had hair down
to his shoulders.
A year ago?
Man, I can't even
remember that far back.
Ray:Yeah, well, time flies
when you're having fun.
Hi.
Hi.
So what brings you
in here?
It was on my way.
Well,
what can I get for you?
Wait, let me take a wild
stab in the dark--
Coffee.
Coffee's fine.
Thought so.
So they keeping you
busy around here?
Not All that busy.
Here you go.
When do you mean?
When do you mean?
I was thinking
maybe evenings.
You finally did it.
What?
You've only been coming
in here every other day
for the past two months,
sitting at the same table,
ordering the same thing--
coffee--from me.
You know, you're just
about the shyest man
I think I've ever met.
You divorced?
- Yeah.
- Thought so.
Got any kids?
Yeah, I'm raising
my teenage son.
Well, you're real sweet.
I've love to go out with you.
You would?
Great.
Pete:Welcome to beautiful
downtown Bakersfield.
Well, Mike,
you've never seen this part
of California before.
- What do you think?
- It's junk.
What a fun trip so far.
(band plays "Hark,
The Herald Angels Sing" )
Charlotte...
Well, what's wrong
with you two?
Are we gonna have
any Christmas, Charlotte?
Well, of course we are,
Sabrina.
Christmas is coming, kids--
The best Christmas this town
ever had is on its way.
You made a call back there.
Who'd you call?
I didn't call anybody.
I washed up.
Washed up, huh?
Are you sure you weren't
talking to my wife?
Ray, I have no intention
of ever calling
and talking to your wife.
Well, you better not,
'cause you're on this
trip for one reason
and one reason only.
What are you
talking about?
Oh, come off it, man.
We're going through Vancouver.
And you know who lives
in Vancouver now.
No, I don't.
Come on, man, you know,
and you just want me to say.
Well, I'm not gonna say,
'cause that would suit your
purposes fine, wouldn't it?
'Cause you know,
and you know that I know
that you know,
'cause that's why you're here.
( laughs )
What's so damn funny?
Jessie's in Vancouver.
Is that what this is all about?
All right, so, you
knew it the whole time.
Jessie lives in Vancouver.
Well, that's it, pal.
We're settling this
right here and now.
We're pulling off
the side of the road!
All right,
get out of there!
Come on, Pete!
Get out of there
and fight me.
- Get back
in the truck, Ray.
- Come on out of there!
Look, you're the one
who stole Jessie from me.
I'm the one who should
want to fight!
Ray:
Well, then, go right ahead.
It's your lucky day.
Free shot, brother.
Get back in the truck,
Ray.
Ray:No! What's the matter,
are you scared?
Are you scared?
Is that what it is?
Get back in the truck!
Knock it off!
- Hey, you!
- Mike!
( engine stalls )
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Let go!
- Leave him alone!
- He was trying
to steal my car!
I'm calling the police.
Now just
hold on a second.
You get in the truck.
Go on. Git!
Look, I'm sorry about
all this.
He's my son.
We're having some problems,
you know?
I wish there would have
been some blood.
Girl:What were those two
fighting about, anyway?
They always fight.
That one there,
he's my dad.
Well...
Solve your problems,
why don't you?
Get in the truck.
The other guy's
my uncle.
Don't leave the keys
in your car anymore.
They're brothers.
Hey!
Carolers:
Wenceslas last looked out
on the feast of Stephen
when the snow
lay round about--∂
Charlotte:Homer!
Ain't there
anything we could do
to get you to
come down from there?
Doggone it, Charlotte,
I don't know.
Leave me alone.
He's crazy
is what I think.
Either he's crazy,
or he's right.
No, sir.
He's wrong.
He is dead wrong.
Four ham
on whole wheat.
Four cheeseburgers
with the works.
Keep an eye on him, Ray.
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna wash up.
So what'd you do,
anyway?
I got busted.
My friends and I were
just having some fun,
and, uh, we ended up breaking
a few grocery store windows.
The cops came.
My buddies took off.
I got caught.
Then I talked some
trash to the cops.
Big deal, right?
Right.
Ray:That's it.
We follow I-5 all the way up
to Vancouver.
We cut across to Hope
and pick up Canada Route 1.
- Ray:You see it?
- Mike:Yeah.
Mike:Oh, hey,
there's Willow creek
just over the border
of Alaska.
This chili is radical,
uncle Ray.
Well, it ought to be.
It came in second
two years running
in the coast-to-coast
chili cook-off.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Everybody's got to have
One hidden talent, right?
You know,
playing with this map
is kind of interesting.
Well, it's not that much
unlike schoolwork.
That could be
interesting, too,
If you'd give it
half a Chance.
-( laughs )
- Ray.
Oh, come on, man.
You slay me.
"You know, it's not that much
unlike schoolwork.
That could be
interesting, too,
if you give it
half a chance."
( laughs )
You know what
he used to do in school?
He used to sit in
the back of English class,
-and about every two--
- Ray, knock it off.
I mean it.
Oh, I suppose I can't say
anything about how you,
and Chester and Featherstorm
blew the plumbing out
of the gym, either,
can I?
Ray.
Man, I tell you, Mikey,
The old man wanted to k*ll him.
You really blew the plumbing
out of the gym?
Oh, and what--
Ray, look, I am trying
to talk to my kid, okay?
Will you just
stay out of it?
Or what?
What are you gonna do, huh?
You want to know what
your problem is, brother?
Your problem is
you want your kid
to be just like you,
only you mean
just like you are now.
You were a half-decent guy
when you were a kid.
Where did you go, man?
I didn't steal
Jessie from you.
You bored her to death.
and if that don't make you
want to fight me,
then the hell with you.
I'm gonna get some sleep.
Look out.
You're hopeless.
Jessie:You're just
about the shyest man
I think I ever met.
I'd love to go out with you.
Ray:I didn't steal
Jessie from you.
No, you bored her to death.
Ray:Have you heard
the one about--
Jessie:I don't think
you better tell anymore.
Ray: Do you know where you
find a turtle with no legs?
- Jessie:No. Where?
- Ray:Same place you
put him down.
( Jessie laughs )
- Double cheeseburger.
- That's right here, ma'am.
And potato skins?
Steak sandwich for Pete.
- And the chicken sandwich
must be yours.
- Yeah.
Manuel didn't want
to cut the crusts off.
I think it offended
his manhood or something.
Oh! Ouch!
Tell him thanks.
Hey...
stick out
your little finger.
Jessie:What?
Stick out
your little finger.
All right.
Hello, I am from Mars.
Martians are like earth
people in every respect,
except that their
reproductive systems
are contained in
their little fingers,
and we've just made love.
( laughs )
You're so bad.
You're so bad.
Come on, Pete.
Lighten up.
Such a party pooper.
Jeez.
Hey, Mikey...
What do you say, huh?
Oh, boy, Reno's 80 miles
out of our way.
He'd freak.
All right.
oh, jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way
Hey, homer,
ain't this swell?
Doesn't this just make you
want to bust your buttons
for the spirit
of Christmas?
oh, what fun
it is to ride
in a one-horse
open sleigh, hey
jingle bells
jingle bells--∂
Mayor: Cecil,
don't do this.
As soon as that pump main
gets built,
everybody gets
back to work.
We don't have a dime
left to our name.
But couldn't you wait
a few more days till Christmas?
I got a feeling.
Daddy, please.
All right, we'll leave
after Christmas.
O'er the fields we go
laughing all the way
bells on bobtails ring,
making spirits bright
Oh what fun it is
to ride and sing--∂
You are depressing
everyone in this town!
Just send me up
a pup tent,
looks like I might be
here for a long time.
Aw, Homer,
just shut up.
jingle bells
jingle bells
Ray: What the hell
is he doing?
Pete: What's going on?
Ray:
Take a look at this guy.
Pull her over.
Mikey, there's a box of flares
in the side compartment.
Get out half a dozen.
Breaker, breaker,
we got a hit-and-run
going east on I-80,
about 5 miles
outside of Reno.
Ah, forget it.
We got a Smokey on the scene.
Appreciate it.
We're gone.
You okay?
Watch your head.
Easy, are you sure
you're all right?
Pete:Nevada?
- Where the hell are we?
- You're just outside Reno.
You drove this truck
to Reno?
Man, don't you know
we're on a tight schedule?
Don't you ever think
of anything but yourself?
Lighten up! What's going--
what's happening here?
Lighten up, man.
Besides, I think something
in your pretty truck
might be broken.
Pete:I think it's something
in the hydraulics, Red.
I can get to it
in a couple hours, Pete.
Well, if that's
the best you can do.
Sorry. That's it.
All right, Red.
Toss me down my bag.
Look, we're gonna
be here a while,
so I'm gonna
get a shower.
I want you to
stay in the truck.
- Both of you.
- Pete.
Listen, uh...
I've been thinking
about what you said.
Well, you're right.
I'm a selfish guy,
and I'm sorry.
I really mean it.
Look...
no truck driver wants
to be seen in Reno
with a kid with green hair.
I've got something for it
in my bag, all right?
Rock it.
To the Max!
Group:
Three is my lucky number
Man:∂ somehow I know
this one's right
( whistles )
Now that's some outfit.
What's the matter cowboy,
Don't you like Santa Claus?
No, not especially.
How about
a designer water for me
and a soda pop
for my father.
Cute.
Tried hard
to forget her
Could not get her
out of my mind
All my friends
they warned me
But they never met her
If they ever did,
they'd know why...
Just give it all
to me in twenties.
I like a nice, big,
fat roll of bills.
( phone rings )
Jessie.
- Hey, uncle.
- Yeah.
Did you like
my grandfather?
I mean, my dad
talks about him
like he was a God
or something.
He had Pete and I pegged
from the time we were babies.
Good boy, bad boy.
Yep, our father made
an adult out of your father
by the time he was 12.
I guess he just figured
I was a screw-up, so...
Well, I guess I didn't
disappoint him anyhow.
I guess that's why you and me
get along so good.
We both got father trouble.
Yeah, well, father trouble
usually has two sides to it.
What's yours?
He doesn't care about me.
That's all.
That's all.
He didn't care about
my mom, either,
and that's how come
she went away.
- What's his side
of the story?
- How should I know?
He's never even home
most of the time.
I hate him,
and he hates me.
( man laughing )
Well, what do you
know about that?
The guy
from the hit-and-run.
Excuse me, but...
do either of you gentlemen
happen to drive
a gray Lincoln?
Who wants to know?
Group:∂ three is
my lucky number
Man:∂ somehow I know
this one's right
three is
my lucky number
her kiss told me so
last night
three is
my lucky number
two bridges
I have crossed
three is
my lucky number
two times
before I had known
met her last Sunday
tried hard
to forget her
could not get her
out of my mind
All my friends,
they warned me
but they never met her
if they ever did,
they'd know why
three is
my lucky number
three is
my lucky number
Yeah!
three is
my lucky number
Well, it all checks out.
They found paint from
the hit-and-run on the Lincoln.
Great. Terrific.
Now will you
let them go?
So you can bring Christmas
to the frozen north?
- Have I got that right?
- Yeah.
"Heap on more wood
the wind is chill
but let it whistle
as it will.
We'll keep our
Christmas merry still."
Ain't he a p*stol?
Sir Walter Scott
made that up.
Harv, shuffle these
tough guys out the door,
and don't jack around
in my precinct anymore.
I made that up.
Get in the truck.
Well, tie your darn fool brother
to the fender if you have to.
I don't know if we can make it
there by Christmas Eve.
Now, Pete, you're the only
one that can do this for me.
I'm counting on you.
Well, you know I'll do
everything I can, Al.
It's just more lost time.
The question is,
how are you?
-You sound weak.
- Of course I'm weak!
They won't even let
me get out of bed!
Well, they're right.
You stay there.
Listen to 'em.
Take care of yourself, Al.
I'll talk to you. Bye.
- Turtle:Mr. Bensinger.
- Yeah.
Are you related
to those two?
Not really, Turtle.
Ray and Pete's dad
was my first partner
when I came here
from Alaska.
He was also the best friend
I ever had.
Ever had?
Yeah, Old Jim died when
the boys were teenagers.
He did a pretty good job
of bringing up Pete,
but he really didn't
have any idea
what to do with Ray.
He knew Pete was
gonna be all right,
But Ray...
he couldn't get him
to sit still for two minutes.
Anyway, I promised him
that I'd do my best with Ray
to help him grow up
to be a good man.
That's about it, Turtle.
What's in that truck,
anyway?
Uh-uh-uh.
Don't you know that
curiosity k*lled the cat?
What happened
to your hair?
Yeah, don't get
your hopes up.
I'm dyeing it purple as soon
as we get to Willow Creek.
- Pete:You're awful
quiet tonight.
- Jessie:Am I?
- Is something wrong?
- No.
Come on, Jess.
Talk to me.
What's up?
I was just thinking
about how sad it is
that everybody can't just find
the right person and be happy.
What does that mean?
I told myself
that what I needed
was a strong,
sweet guy in my life.
You know?
The kind of guy you are.
That's what I told myself.
You shouldn't fall
in love with me, Pete.
I'm already in love
with you, Jessie.
What are you
trying to tell me?
I like you, I mean...
Maybe I even love you,
I'm just--I'm not
in love with you.
I'm just--I'm not
in love with you.
I'm not in love with you,
not in love with you.
( harmonica plays
"GoodKing Wenceslas" )
Come on, mayor.
You're supposed
to keep smiling,
let the rest of us
be depressed.
I wonder if Homer
knew somehow.
Knew what?
It's from Overland Lumber.
I was going to announce it
at the meeting today,
but I didn't
have the heart.
Mayor...
you got to wait
till after Christmas
to tell the people.
They were our last hope,
Charlotte.
I guess there isn't much left
for us here, is there?
Can I ask you
a question?
Ask away.
How come you liked
your father and Ray didn't?
( sighs ) I guess--
I guess I understood
how he wanted us
to turn out.
You mean like you?
Well, he's got you
there, ace.
Because there's only
one good father
I can think of.
And he ain't
even a father.
Yeah. Who's that?
You.
What?
Are you out of
your tiny little mind?
Listen,
I'm not anybody's father,
and I don't want to be
anybody's father, all right?
That's your father.
If you don't like him,
that's just too damn bad.
What are you doing?
Pete!
Aw, come on, man!
Pete, for crying
out loud.
Where in the hell
are you going?
Come on! Get back
in the truck.
What is the matter
with you?
What is your problem?
Al says that load's got
to be there by Christmas.
For some reason,
you got to be there with it.
Now my kid wants
you for his father.
Well, damn it all, Ray.
It's all yours,
whether you want it or not.
I quit.
Well, what are we gonna do,
uncle Ray?
Hang out.
But he quit.
Well, aren't we gonna
make him come back?
It's a free country,
isn't it?
Yeah, well,
isn't this stuff supposed
to get to Willow Creek?
Do you care?
No.
Well, there you go.
There I go what?
He's the one
who wants the load
to get there by Christmas.
Now you don't care,
and I don't care.
He's the only one
who does care.
He knows that,
and we know that,
so sooner or later,
he'll get up
off that log,
hop in the truck,
and finish his job.
He always does.
Ray:So, uh...
What? Are you gonna
get me to marry you?
Hi.
Oh, hey.
Where's Pete?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I broke up with him.
So you come
out to this joint,
hoping to find some
lucky guy tonight, huh?
Maybe.
Maybe.
You know,
if I had any sense,
I'd get Pete
to marry me.
He loves me,
and he's real safe.
Oh, and what,
I'm dangerous, huh?
Yeah.
- Yes.
- ( laughs )
Yeah.
But there are some things,
Your brain says
unh-unh, don't do it...
but your heart says
go for it.
Yeah.
Sometimes that hurts
nice people.
So, uh...
What? Are you going
to get me to marry you?
Maybe.
You're serious, aren't you?
Maybe.
Hmm!
( horn blares )
I don't want to hear
one damn word.
Man on radio:
Breaker, breaker.
Any of you 18-wheelers
heading north
and got your ears on?
You got the wild man here.
Smokey is up awful
early this morning,
and they're setting up
toward those hills
just over the state line.
Got a line of trucks
over there 2-miles long,
So you got a long wait.
I ain't lying.
Better bring your lunch
or your girlfriend.
I'm gone.
Man on radio:
Good morning, L.A.
What a way
to start the day, huh?
They'll still
trying to clear up
that five-banger over on
the eastbound Hollywood.
very slow going all the way
up to the interchange,
and it looks like
an even bigger mess
on both sides
of the Ventura.
Maybe they're using it
for a parking lot
for last-minute
Christmas shoppers.
That's right, folks!
Only two more shopping
days till Christmas
KSLY country-wide.
( chuckles )
I caught you.
- Pete: What?
- Ray: Tapping your foot.
You were just tapping your foot
to my music just now.
- I was not.
- Ray: You were, too!
I was not.
( chuckles )
you're lying.
Hey! Stop that.
We are not going
anywhere with you.
Couple of college girls
doing research
on the cowboy mentality.
You see, honey,
part of the cowboy mentality
is the code
of the west.
That means that
if we buy you breakfast,
We get something
in return.
Girl: We shouldn't have
even approached you.
Come on, Laurie.
Ouch!
Excuse me, ladies,
- Are these two pinheads
bothering you?
- Together: Yes.
Who you calling pinheads?
We're steppin' outside.
Get him, uncle Ray.
( giggles )
( both giggling )
Here, I'll buy
your breakfast.
Would you girls be
a little more selective
who you take up with?
Take care.
You wouldn't have done that
in a million years.
I'm through
talking to you.
( phone rings )
Woman:Hello?
Hello?
Jessie?
Jessie, am I glad
you answered the phone.
I've been so worried
about you, baby.
What do you want, Ray?
What do I want?
Well, I'm your husband.
What do you think I...
Look, I-I just want
to talk to you, baby.
You doing all right?
Don't call me again.
- Je--
-( dial tone )
Man:∂ Lord, what makes me
so restless?
Why can't I stay
where I belong?
I kissed her good-bye
at breakfast
Tonight
I'll be dinin' alone
I'm rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Ain't got no roots
to hold me down
I'm rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Movin' on
Stayin' alone,
it's not easy
When I get this
feelin' inside
Everything she does
is to please me
But it's so hard
to stay satisfied
Rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Well, are you,
or aren't you?
I think maybe you
better sit down.
Yeah.
Is it that terrible
a prospect?
Look, um...
Jessie.
Look, baby,
I'm a million miles away
from--from being
an adult myself,
you know?
What am I gonna do
with a kid?
Huh?
Look, I said when
we first got married,
I said that I didn't
want kids, right?
I sa--
I said, "Jessie, I...
I don't want any kids."
Yeah, you did,
didn't you?
Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
What?
You're gonna have
a baby somewhere else?
Who said I was
gonna have a baby?
- Well, you did!
- No, I didn't.
I just said you'd better
sit down, that's all.
So wait a minute.
You're not gonna
have a baby?
You mean you're
not pregnant?
Well, baby,
that's just great.
You had me scared.
Jessie,
what are you doing?
Why are you still packing?
Because I don't want
to be with you anymore.
Why?
Let's just say
we made a mistake, okay?
"Let's just say
we made a mistake?"
Jessie, now,
wait just a second.
Would you think about this,
for cryin' out loud?
You can't do this to me!
Gosh, do you want kids
that bad?
No, no.
No, I don't,
not with you I don't.
All right, fine.
Fine.
Fine!
You do whatever
you want.
You just go
wherever you want.
Ray:You go ahead.
You just go
wherever you want to.
Yeah.
(band plays "Hark,
the herald angels sing" )
You just can't stay up
there, doggone it.
Yes, I can,
and I'm gonna!
All right, sheriff.
Do your duty.
All right,
Homer Hightower,
You come down
from there right now
in the name
of the law!
No!
Homer, all right for you,
I'm arresting you
for disturbing the peace.
You go sit
in your hat!
I did my job.
Homer, did you ever
stop to think that
if we've got problems,
you're only
making them worse!
A town Santa's gotta do
what he's gotta do.
( "Gloria In Excelsis Deo"
plays )
Mike:Hey, guys,
Can we listen
to some music here?
We're just outside
of Vancouver.
We stopped
to get a bite to eat.
Pete, that's great.
You're gonna get there.
You're gonna make it
before Christmas.
We got more than 1,000 miles
of frozen north to cover,
you know that.
Well, Helen called
the weather bureau
and you're looking at 3 inches
at the most in the Yukon.
Listen, we'll give you a buzz
when we get into Willow Creek.
You take care.
Talk to you later.
All right. Adios.
Yeah, I'd like four ham
on whole wheat,
four roast beef on rye,
and four cheeseburgers.
Is that it?
No...
Let me have
four more sandwiches--
Chicken on white bread...
and, uh...
cut the crusts off.
Are you serious?
Cut the crusts off?
Yeah.
I'm getting my bike.
Hey, where are you going?
What's wrong?
I'm going to see Jessie.
We got no time
for that, Ray.
You can see her
on the way back.
Look, man, I talked to her
yesterday and she was there.
She was on the phone.
And now the damn thing's
disconnected.
You do whatever you
got to do. I'm going.
Ray...
Ray...
Come on.
- Yeah.
- Man: ∂I'm rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Ain't got no roots
to hold me down
I'm rollin'
like a tumbleweed
Movin' on
A bee has to stay
by his honey
Can't stray very far
from his home
It's the same
with possessions and money
Io keep them
they keep you at home
Ray:Jessie?
Ray?
Oh, God.
Oh, baby,
am I glad to see you.
Oh, man,
what are you doing here?
I'm on a run up north.
My, uh...
my partner's outside
in the truck.
Come on.
I'm gonna take you with me.
No. Please, just...
Just go away.
I'm fine.
- I'll be all right,
all right?
- Are you crazy?
You're all alone
in this frozen outhouse,
And you've got a g*n,
and you say you're fine?
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm taking you with me!
- Now, come on.
- Ray, come on.
Just leave me--
No. Let's just go.
Come on.
You're pregnant.
Oh, I see your mama
didn't have any dumb kids.
That baby's mine, right?
Shut up, Ray.
If you're gonna rescue me,
let's just get it over with.
Okay, what are we gonna do
with the g*n?
Eat it.
It's licorice.
Oh, wow!
Would you look at her?
Uh, it's a little detail
I forgot to mention.
My partner's Pete.
I'll put your stuff
in the truck.
Jessie:I really thought
I could make it,
but I got sick and then
I had to quit my job,
and...well,
that was that.
There was three days
rent left on the house.
Jessie, when you left,
You said that
you weren't pregnant.
I lied.
So that's my baby, right?
What do you care?
Ray:
What do I care?
Oh, come off it
for just a second, would ya?
You tell me, is that
or is that not my baby?
I'll tell you whose baby
this is, Ray. It's mine.
So shut up about it.
- I'm hungry.
- It's yours, huh?
- Don't you think
I have a right--
- I'm not talking about it!
-I'm not talking about it.
- Fine.
You know what I would love?
I would love a chicken sandwich
right now.
What do you have
back there?
Chicken on white bread?
The crusts are cut off.
I guess I must have
bought them for you.
Man:
At 4:00 this mornin'
my wife
woke me to say
Billy,
get me to the doctor
our son's on his way
Well, I didn't
have no gas
in my old car
All my paycheck
had gone for drinkin'
She had my son
on the kitchen floor
and that's what
got me thinkin'
Chorus:∂ bar stools
and babies don't mix
it's time to give up
my old tricks
babies need love
and when push
comes to shove
bar stools and babies
don't mix
Man:∂ to my old
barroom buddies
I'm sayin' good-bye
from now on
I'm singin'
a new lullaby
singin' rock-a-bye baby
don't need
rock and rye
I don't mean just maybe
baby, don't cry
Chorus:∂ bar stools
and babies don't mix
from now on,
I'm home before 6:00
babies need love
sure as Heaven's above
bar stools and babies
don't mix
Man:∂ to my old
barroom buddies
I'm sayin' good-bye
from now on
I'm singin'
a new lullaby
singin' rock-a-bye baby
don't need
rock and rye
and I don't
mean just maybe
baby, don't cry
Chorus:∂ bar stools
and babies don't mix
from now on,
I'm home before 6:00
babies need love
sure as Heaven's above
bar stools
and babies don't mix ∂∂
Psst.
Homer!
There's something I think
I ought to tell you, Homer.
You know all them things
the kids told you
they wanted
for Christmas?
Well, they're gonna
be here tonight
in a truck my cousin Al's
sending up from California.
Is that so?
Well, that's
something, I guess.
I knew that
would make you happy.
So you'll come down
and give them out, eh?
- Nope.
- Well, why not?
Something else
has got to happen.
Well, what?
I haven't
the faintest idea,
but when it happens,
I'll know.
Homer, you're nuts!
Guess what?
There's gonna be a blizzard.
Jessie:( gasps )
You all right, Jess?
You aren't taking obstetrics
in school, are you, Mikey?
No. Wood shop.
Jessie, don't be silly.
It couldn't be that.
No. Not in here.
Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
Charlotte:This is mama bear
in Willow Creek.
Yellow Bird,
you got your ears on?
You got the Yellow Bird,
mama bear.
Boy, are we glad
to hear your voice.
I don't think we're not more
than 20 miles from you.
Where in the devil
this snow come from?
It shouldn't build up
much more, Yellow Bird.
Well, let's hope not.
We got a lady on board,
and she is in labor,
even as we speak.
My stars and garters,
Yellow Bird--
We got an old sawbones here
who's just dying
to deliver a baby.
We'll be waitin'
with bells on.
I'm out.
We're gone, too,
mama bear.
Charlotte.
You can hardly see
across the street.
Hey, thanks, Charlotte.
Let me know what happens, okay?
All right, Bye.
I don't suppose
you'd mind
If I said a little
prayer, would you?
No, I can use all the help
I can get right now.
I can't even
see the road, man.
( gasps ) guys, my contractions
are coming faster.
I'm driving as fast
as I can, Jessie.
- I can't even see the road!
- Ray!
I can't have
the baby here!
Pete:You're not
gonna have it here.
It's not gonna happen.
Just be calm, eh?
We're on ice.
Pete:
Try to keep it straight.
Ray:
I got it.
Jessie, lay down flat,
and hold on!
Pete:Watch out
for the snow bank.
We're goin'
right into it.
Grab on, son!
Ray, hang on!
We stopped.
We're stopped.
We're okay.
Jessie:
Why can't we see out?
We're in a snow bank,
but everything's all right.
We're okay.
Breaker, breaker.
This is the Yellow Bird.
We've got a mayday
in Wolf Pass.
- Jessie: ( groans )
- Ray: Come back.
Repeat.
This is the Yellow Bird.
We've got a mayday
in Wolf Pass.
Come back, please.
Nothin', we must have
broke the antenna off
when we hit.
- I think my water just broke.
- What does that mean?
It means I'm gonna
have my baby here!
That's what it means.
Oh, fine. Fine.
The engine died.
Start it up again,
for God's sake.
I'm trying.
Come on, baby.
Come in, Yellow Bird.
( static )
Nothing.
They're in Wolf's Pass.
I know it.
( yells out )
Ray: There's gotta be a house
around here somewhere.
- I'm gonna go check it out.
- All right.
I'm scared.
Pete:
Just take deep breaths.
-( knocks on window )
- Jessie:Okay.
Pete:That's it.
Deep breaths.
Pete.
Pete:
Roll the window down.
Buenas noches.
My name is Domingo.
I am a shepherd.
I think, seÒora,
you need a midwife.
Vengan ustedes.
Come with me.
Domingo:Come.
Come on, baby.
You'll be all right.
We'll give you a hand.
Come on.
It's all right.
It's okay.
Easy. Easy.
All right, now,
where's this midwife
you were talking about?
- ( gasps )
- Ah ta ta ta.
The midwife, seÒor,
is me.
Hold on a second.
- I don't think that's
what we had in mind.
- Amigo, amigo,
With these hands,
I've brought into the world
a thousand lambs.
I'm here, baby.
It is better if I have
someone to stroke the ewe
and speak softly to her
while I am
bringing out the lamb.
I can do that.
I'm the father.
SeÒor?
Not you.
Not you.
Not you.
He will help me.
Yeah, I will.
Baby, I don't know
about this.
Go. Go.
Please, go.
Hang on tight,
Mikey.
Hang on tight.
Jessie:( screams )
Now, please go,
and leave the midwife
to his work.
We will soon have
a new lamb.
Man, I ought to be
in there, you know it?
( sheep bleating )
Her baby.
That gets me.
Why should that
bother you?
You don't want it.
Don't go tellin' me
what I do and don't want.
I know what you're thinkin.'
You're thinkin' just
maybe that baby is yours.
Well, let me
tell you something.
It's not.
That baby is mine.
I never said
it wasn't, Ray.
And you think that maybe
because your stupid brother Ray
doesn't want his baby,
that just maybe you
can get Jessie back.
Isn't that right?
That's not true.
Yeah, well,
I got news for you, pal.
Jessie don't love you.
I know that, Ray.
I tell you what I would do.
I'd take that baby
and I'd raise it
If she wanted me to.
I'd take care
of her, too.
Man, you're crazy,
you know that?
No, You would do that,
wouldn't you?
You're damn right I would.
You'd do that because that's
the kind of guy you are--
Mr. Responsible.
Oh, that's right.
You are the grown-up
around here, aren't you, Pete?
Damn you.
Why don't you just
love the kid you got?
Very soon.
Hang on tight, Mikey.
Look, man, uh...
What'd you do that for?
'Cause you're right.
That's for never giving
me the satisfaction
of fighting me.
That's because you've
been havin' it comin'
for a long time.
That's for never...
never gettin' mad at me
for stealing Jessie.
And that's
for stealing Jessie.
( laughs )
( both laughing )
- You all right?
- Are you kiddin'?
( baby cries )
Come on.
Come on.
A little boy.
Domingo:
Un bonito nino.
Oh, my God.
Me...
Me and Domingo did it,
uncle Ray.
( baby cries )
He's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
He's so little.
Jessie,
the whole time
you were away,
all I could think about
was how much
I wanted to have you back.
I'm a screw-up, Jessie.
I guess I always will be,
but I love you
more than anything
and I want you back.
and I want that...
that little baby.
I want both of you.
Will you come back?
You really and truly
want the baby?
Yes.
I do.
Oh...
Come here.
It's...It's back.
Oh...
It's back!
It's back.
It's back.
It's back!
It's back!
The spirit of Christmas
is back!
It's back!
The spirit of Christmas
is back!
Homer!
What happened?
I don't know,
but something did.
Quit hugging me,
Charlotte.
Hey, Homer!
Hey, come on,
we got that Christmas truck
out of Wolf Pass.
and deliver a baby!
They're in
that snowdrift.
Homer:
I hope they're okay.
Yep. That's Al's truck,
all right.
All right, now.
Come on, dig.
Come on. We've got to
get them out of there.
Mayor:
Hold on. Here it comes.
There we go.
Merry Christmas,
and welcome to Willow Creek.
I'm Charlotte Kemper,
and you're
in a snowdrift.
Well, would you look
at that baby.
Let me hold
the little darlin'.
Doc: Why, it can't be more
than an hour old.
Young lady, did you have
the baby in this truck?
Jessie:No, no.
in a little house.
We were stuck
in the storm,
and a shepherd found us.
Domingo that was his name.
He delivered our baby.
What little house,
for goodness sake?
It couldn't have been more
than 100 yards out that way,
through the...
woods.
Mayor:Are you sure
this happened around here?
Well, it was, uh...
It was snowin'
pretty hard.
We couldn't see
a whole heck of a lot.
- And there were sheep,
lots of 'em.
- All:Sheep?
Sure it wasn't
a caribou you saw?
No, sir.
It was sheep.
Charlotte:
Well, the important thing is,
whoever delivered it,
the little tyke's healthy.
All right, doc.
Now, you folks can
come along with us.
The rest of you
get back to work
diggin' out
this Christmas truck.
Man:Yeah, right
underneath there.
Charlie, give me a hand
over here.
Charlie:All right,
I'm comin'!
It was here...
- wasn't it?
- Jessie: It was all here.
This is weird.
( band plays "Hark,
the herald angels sing" )
We're here
in Willow Creek.
Pete, you did it.
You got there!
h* h* h*!
Where's Sabrina?
Here I am, Santa.
Here I am.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Santa.
Thank you.
A G.I. Joe.
Woman:He got her
a G.I. Joe doll.
Al:Have they unloaded
the biggie yet?
I don't think so.
Well, get out there,
partner,
'cause I don't
want you to miss it.
Man:What is it,
Thurgood?
Man:
His robot truck.
Thank you, Santa.
Aw!
What's this?
"Merry Christmas to Ray
and my Willow Creek family,
love, Al."
Well, young lady,
you're perfect.
So is this little boy.
Son, you and your brother
did an amazing job.
Couldn't have done
any better myself.
Of course, there is
this umbilical knot.
It ain't the kind of knot
an obstetrician ties.
It's the sort a vet
uses on goats and...
sheep.
Hey, Ray! Jessie!
You gotta come quick!
Man:What is it, Ray?
Well, what it
looks like to me...
There's enough stuff
so you could make about...
10 tons of chili?
What's that got to
do with you, Ray?
And what in tarnation
has it got to do
with Willow Creek?
I know what it
has to do with Ray.
He makes great chili.
He won The coast-to-coast
chili cook-off with it.
Runner-up, little buddy,
just runner-up.
I get it.
Hey, don't you folks see?
This fella knows
how to make chili.
We got a whole truck
full of chili-makings.
And what we got
is an idle,
doggone cannery.
Hey!
Hey, everybody!
We're going to reopen
the cannery.
We're gonna make chili!
( cheers and applause )
Al sent tons and tons
of the stuff to make it with,
and he sent us Ray
to tell us how to do it.
Thank you very much.
This is as much of a surprise
to me as it is to them.
You know, Al's been...
trying to make me
do something with my life
for as long
as I can remember.
I just never gave 2 cents
about it till now,
because now I have you...
-( baby cries )
- I have the baby.
What would you think about
maybe staying in Willow Creek
for just a little while,
me giving this
chili business a shot?
Well, I always figured
home is where
the people you love are.
So if Willow Creek
is where you want to be,
I guess we're home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's get this show
on the road.
Everybody lend a hand!
Hey, hit it, boys.
(band plays "We Wish You
a Merry Christmas" )
Louis... get up here.
This is your
Christmas present--
Oranges,
lots of 'em.
Fatherhood.
(chuckles)
Man, it's a funny
thing, you know?
I speak from experience.
I want my kid
to be like you.
That way I won't
have so much trouble
raising him, you know?
You've got yourself
a real chore.
You've, uh...
You've got a kid
just like me.
How'd you get to be
so smart all of a sudden?
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's, um...
maybe it's all that
long-haired music
- you've been exposing me to.
- Oh.
Hey, I want you to
admit to one thing.
What's that?
Back there...
You were tapping your foot
to my music,
weren't you, huh?
All right.
I'll admit it.
All right.
Forgive and forget?
You got it.
Oh, man.
- Hey--
- Uh...
Merry--
merry--
Together: Merry Christmas.
The baby's
my cousin, right?
Yeah, he sure is.
Every time I see him
from now on,
I can tell him
I helped bring him
into the world.
I never did anything...
important before,
you know?
Yeah.
Come on.
You know, when your mom
went away,
It took something
out of you
that I've never been
able to put back.
I guess so.
Well, I want you
to know that
it took something
out of me, too.
It did?
Yeah, it did.
I guess maybe we should've
let each other know
how much we were
hurtin', but...
We were both too busy
acting like jerks.
I apologize for that.
Me, too, dad.
Well, maybe I can start
making it up
to you a little bit.
Al just offered me
a partnership
in the business.
I guess he figures
it's time for him
to start taking it
a little easy.
Anyway, if I take it,
it'll mean
I won't be going out
on the road anymore.
I'll retire
the Yellow Bird.
What do you think
about that?
I think it'd be great.
There's something else
I ought to tell you.
You see, when we decided
to blow the plumbing
out of the gym,
Groves and Featherstone
wanted to use
one cherry b*mb.
I figured it would take at
least 10 to make any noise.
We blew the toilet
clean through the floor
of the basketball court.
( both laughing )
I can't believe
you did that.
Jeez, we got expelled.
The old man whaled on me.
I couldn't sit
for a week.
I love you, dad.
And then in English class,
I sat way
in the back...
I love you, too, son.
And about
every 10 minutes,
I'd come out with
these frog noises.
Pete:( croaks like a frog )
TV announcer:
What an exciting game
We have going
on here tonight.
Is that guy next door
mowin' his lawn
on Christmas?
I don't think so.
Telegram goes with it.
With what?
What is this?
"Dear Al,
"thanks for the help,
"love, Santa.
P.S. There's a little
something for you outside."
Helen, you'd better
tell me what's going on.
What are you
grinning at?
What is this?
This, my darling,
is your own personal
white Christmas
from everybody
at Willow creek.
Well, I'll be.
Snow.
It's not snow,
darling.
It's love.
Well, I hope
it packs down
'cause I haven't thrown
a snowball in 20 years.
Hey.
You California kids don't
know nothing about this.
Gather around
and watch a pro.
You gotta pack it tight.
Pack it.
That's the secret.
And away you go.
Oh, oh-oh!
Okay, wise guy,
You asked for it.
Choir:∂ We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
Good tidings to you
wherever you are
Good tidings for Christmas
and a Happy New Year
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
Good tidings to you
wherever you are
Good tidings
for Christmas
and a Happy New Year
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register