- Right there.
- ♪ Oh, look out
- Hey, check this girl out.
♪ Here I come
- ♪ Look out, here I come, oh ♪
- Whoa.
♪ I have to get you, baby
- That's what I'm talking about.
♪ I have to get you
♪ Look out.
- You're in my spot.
- Really?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks for
keeping it warm.
Martini me.
Up. And dry.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So, as the youngestfull partner --
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. What?
Really? You can do that?
Mm-hmm.
♪ And, baby, you
♪ Now I know
the reason why. ♪
Go home, Romeo.
But -- but you -- you were gonna show me how to --
No. You know,I'm just a big tease.
Remember me?
Oh. Of course.
Who could everforget you?
Well...
now you're in myspot.
Lieutenant Gindi, please.
Yeah, this is Reilly.
Tell Eli I just didhis job... again.
Bagged the real Back Alley Slasher.
Yeah -- Oh, can you hold on a second?
Hey, Pops. What's up?
Mommy did what?
♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪
♪ You can count on me
♪ Please have snow
and mistletoe ♪
♪ And presents
by the tree ♪
♪ Christmas Eve
will find me ♪
♪ Where the love
light gleams ♪
♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪
- Would you hold still?
- It tickles.
Luke, darling, aren't you
forgetting something?
How silly of me.
♪ If only in my dreams.
Oh. I like that.Blood red.
Well, of course, Nora, on you --
- what other color would I use?- Okay, you two.
My turn.
Now, that makes for
a very spooky...
Christmas in New York.
Yes, and soon-to-bea very spooky New Year's,
thanks to you, Regan, dear.
Not that I don't lovemy new rug.
Mother, how long are you
going to keep blaming me
for you
breaking your leg?
You are the one
who slipped.
Oh, Easter
sounds about right.
Oh, you're a lot of help.
I'm not the one
who gave her
a widower-making birthday present.
Hey! Widower-making?!
- Is that the best you got?
- Huh?
Of course, you know,
this means w*r! Ha ha!
- Bring it on, Pops!
- I'll "Pops" you.
Oh, how I've missed this!
♪ Deck the hallswith boughs of holly ♪
♪ Tra-la la la la, la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the seasonto be jolly ♪
♪ Fa-la la la la,
la la la la ♪
How's this, honey?
Uh, unh-unh,
unh-unh.
Just a squinch more
this way.
♪ 'Tis the season
to be jolly ♪
This is as jolly as I get
with a toothache.
Please make up your mind.
♪ Fa-la la la la
♪ La la... la... la!
Perfect.
Do. Not. Move.
Well, I can promise you that.
Oh, this tooth
is k*lling me.
When's my dentist
appointment again?
Oh, it's not
till after lunch, honey.
Stop your whining, handsome. Hmm?
There's plenty of timeto relax
and enjoymy beautiful tree.
Oh.
It iskind of nice.
Mm-hmm.
Think it'll snow
by Christmas?
See what Santa has plannedfor the greater New York area,
shall we?
I'm sorry, kiddo.
Looks like cold and colderfor the rest of the week.
Well, it's been hot
and hotter in L.A.,
so chillin' sounds
just fine to me.
I'd imagine that it does.
"Luke, how's that daughterof yours doing?"
"Oh, funny you should ask.
Let me check the paperto find out."
"Regan Reilly,
private investigator,
risks her life to draw outthe Back Alley Slasher."
Dad, it was just another case.
No, it's notjust another case.
You catch a serial k*ller, clear your client,
make the national news, and -- hello? --
Didn't think to mention itto your parents?
What hasn't she told us
this time?
No. Here.Read all about her.
Anything about
who's she's dating?
Oh, no, just the usual
m*rder and mayhem.
So, Mom, what's onyour schedule for today?
Any errands I can run?
Anything I can arrange foryour radio interview tomorrow?
No, thank you, dear.
Besides, I thought you were
going into the city.
There isa great saleat Bloomie's.
I've gota pretty light day.
I'll be happyto pick you up after.
No, you don't, mister!
- What?
- Ha!
You have
a dentist appointment,
and you have canceled
twice already.
Third time's the charm.
Regan, here.
Meet your dad here
at the dentist at 1:00.
They're delivering
our Christmas treethis afternoon.
Yes, and I will be here
to greet the big strong men
who carry it in
and set it up.
You think this is funny,
do you?
I think --I'm gonna go grab a shower.
You -- go shower.
Kiss.
You -- go work.
Fine.
Oh. Yes. Ha ha.
Love you.
Me? I'm gonna treat my leg
to a nice nap.
Willy, honey, did you drown in there?
The steam makes my tooth
feel better!
Stop being such a baby.
Honey, you know how I feelabout wasting good hot water.
All right?
Five more minutes, and then it's my turn.
Hey, when's
my birthday again?
Willy!
- And yourbirthday.
- I'm not doing this right now!
- And our anniversary.
- Come on!
And when you put
all our numbers in a row
on a $40 million
winning lottery ticket
like one of us
was smart enough to do,
what do you get?
Annoyed!
Willy, please don't use upall the hot water!
There's an ocean of hot water in here, Alvirah,
and the answer is,
what you get...
is "never have to clean another house or fix another faucet" rich.
Why don't you
get in here with me,
and maybe
you'll get lucky twice.
Oh!
Let me help you
with that, Mr. R.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I've got it, Rosie.
I've got it.
My family already thinksI'm helpless enough as it is.
Oh.
For you and the boys.
Oh. Thank you!
Ahh.
And...
for Santa.
And...
his helper.
h* h* h*.
♪ You said Santa's
coming to town ♪
♪ You said
Santa's coming around ♪
♪ I don't care
if he's out of luck ♪
♪ Because if you ask me
♪ Santa, you suck
♪ Santa, you suck
♪ Santa, you suck.
30 Christmases
have passed...
since I first opened
Garden Gate with the dream
of offering those who have lost their loved ones
a funeral home like no other.
And as we gather here today
for our annual Christmas party,
it is my pleasure to thank
each and every one of you
for another year
of excellence in service
and to be reminded,
once again,
that no matter how full
our work days may be,
to take a moment
to celebrate...
...all that life has to offer.
Blah, blah, blah.
Charlie!
Nice to see you, too.
All right, everyone.
Scurry back to yourcrummy little jobs,
with your crummy little gifts,
while boss man herecounts his bag full of money.
What? Not giving out anypink slips this year, Santa?
- You're drunk, Charlie.
- Yes, I am.
And I've gotten pretty goodat it, too, thanks to you!
- Okay, stop it, Charlie.
- I'm just getting started.
No, that's enough.
Let's go.
Luke.
It's okay, Austin.
I'm fine.
Actually...
we have another problem.
I hated to interrupt you,
but I've done everything I can,
and he's been utterly
inconsolable
for the past half an hour.
And with allthe guests waiting...
Mr. Dingle?
Mr. Dingle,
it's Luke Reilly.
I had the great honor of knowingyour uncle Cuthbert quite well.
And that he donated his fortuneto promote childhood literacy
was a wonderful thing.
So every bellon every street corner
that the volunteersof Jingle Book House
will proudly ringon Christmas now and forever...
will honor your uncle Cuthbert'sgoodness and generosity.
And that can only bring yougreat peace and comfort.
Here.
Now...
So, you really gonna go through with it this time?
The drilling,
the needles, the pain?
Et tu, brute?
You bet against me in the officepool that I'd chicken out?
The odds were too goodto pass up.
Do what I say,
and you won't get dead.
Very funny, Mr. R.
Don't sh**t, Santa.
We surrender.
You think this is a joke?
- That I won't sh**t you?
- Mr. R?
It's okay, Rosita.
Stay calm.
Yeah. You do that.
Both of you.
Cellphones -- now.
Put these on!
And toss over
your wallet, too.
Start the car.
Why are you doing this?
Please.
Please let us go.
My boys, my babies.They don't have anybody else.
Tell someone who cares.
Now shut your trap
and do what I say.
Listen,
why make matters worse?
You have the car -- take it.
Just let us go.
- You wish.
- This isa carjacking, right?
Enough with the quiz show!
You're going to
be okay, Rosita.
Just do what the man says,
and everything's
going to be okay.
- Isn't that right?
- Whatever.
Let's get going!
Get on the turnpike.
Take the Edgewater exit.
Head under the G.W. Bridge.
Stop the car.
Give me the keys.
Help Mr. Moneybagsout of the back there.
And grab those goodies.
Come on. Come on.
Move it.
My dear man,
be reasonable.
- Let's go.
- What have we done to you?
We don't even know
who you are.
Come on.
Move it!
- What is this about?
- Let's go!
I'm not taking one more step
until you tell us
what this is about.
It's a kidnapping,
genius!
And if you're good
and do what I tell you,
you'll find out soon enoughwhat it will take
to buy your freedom.
Now, come on! Let's go!
Hurry it up!
I'm freezing my keister off out here.
Come on!
Mm! Hey.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!
Be sure and tell that
to Donna when you kiss
her hello tonight.
Yeah, as longas I come home to her,
that's all the wifeneed to know.
You know I'm full of it, but you -- you got no excuse.
No, what I got
is one last semester
of night classes at Seton
before --
Before you becomea big snazzy lawyer -- yeah.
Good for you.Where you spending Christmas at?
Or New Year's
for that matter?
That's right --
your mama's.
Fred, it's none
of my business,
but I just think, you know, you deserve somebody nice.
And Donna said, uh, Roslyn, Rosella...
- Who she set you up with?
- Rosita.
Her --She really liked you.
Yeah, she's great.
Smart, funny --
I liked her, too,
but she's got
complications.
A louse of an ex-husband,
a couple kids.
- My kids love their uncle Fred.
- And I love them,
but there's a big difference
between being an honorary uncle
and a full-time daddy.
Yeah, and there's a difference
between spendingthe rest of your life alone
and having somebody
to buy flowers for.
Speaking of which... nothing says "Merry, merry" --
All right, all right.
Enough, already.
- Okay?
- I'm just sayin'.
Yeah, well, stop sayin'.
"Rosita."
Now we're talkin'!
Nothing like somefresh-made bills
to make my holidaymerry and bright.
Books?
Only a cheapskate givesbooks for Christmas.
Isn't that nice? This one's signed by the author.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Has Luke Reilly
arrived yet?
Nope, andDr. Chattoway is waiting.
- Oh, you're kidding.
- Why? He's not canceling again, is he?
No! Not at all.
- I-I'm sure he is on his way.
- Uh-huh.
Hello, this is Luke's
fancy phone
that he still doesn't
know how to work.
You know the drill. Bye.
I'm at the dentist, Dad,
and I don'tsee you.
You better be on your way,
or Mom's gonna becooking your goose
for Christmas this year.
Hurry up.
Knock it off!
What the Hell
is your problem?
You b*stard!
How can you just sit therein front of that heater
and not see that she is
shivering half to death here?
Either turnthat heater her way,
or you'll never see a dime
of ransom money.
Is that right,
Mr. Bigshot?
Well, seeing
as I got this...
...best get
used to freezing.
The guy was messing with me!
What?
Sure, sure.I get it!
Ohh! You filthy, lousy pig!
Yeah, yeah,
so I'm a pig.
Keep yappin',
and I 'll gag you both again!
Okay, okay, I'm going.
So...
you must be
the one in charge.
Please... please don't hurt us.
Shh!
You're Regan Reilly.
Pardon?
You're Regan Reilly.
Renowned private detective
from Los Angeles,
daughter of the best-selling
crime writer, Nora Reilly,
only child of Luke Reilly,
funeral-home owner,
who is currently AWOL
and I'm guessing a dentophobe.
Right?
Uh... how do you --Have we met?
No, no, no. Big ears.
Bigger reader.
I'm sorry to be so nosy.
I'm a huge fan of your mother's...
and of your good work.
I'm -- I'm flattered.
It's not every day I have
a celebrity sighting
at the dentist's office.
Well, so --
Oh, I'm Alvirah Meehan.
Oh.
So, I'm gonna let you --
Regan Reilly --
get back to your... thing.
Did you say "Meehan"?
AlvirahMeehan?
Yeah.
TheAlvirah Meehan my mother has been sending me stories about
for years who sometimes writesfor the Globe?
The amateur sleuth with atendency to stumble upon crimes
in progress and solve themwith uncanny ability?
The do-gooder famous forrecording everything she hears
on her signaturestarburst spy pin?
Longtime cleaning woman from Queens
who was on a midtown busreading my mother's book
"It Could Happen To You"
when she andher husband, Willy,
learned thatthey had just won
millions of dollars in the lottery?
No.
Never heard of her.
So, Regan, wait.
Your mother knows who I am?
She knows my name? Really?
- Oh, you fascinate her.
- Do not tease!
Scout's honor, she has sent medozens of articles
about your daring deeds --she's a huge fan.
I-I'm a huge fan
of hers.
She's not gonna believe thatI met you here at the dentist.
Idon't believe.
Where the heck areyou?
Where the heck
do you think I am?
Mom!
Why so surprised?
Is everything okay?
Oh, I'm... sure. Yeah.
Why wouldn't everything... be okay?
Uh, excuse me, madam.
Do you not see the sign?
No cellphones
in the waiting room.
Mother, I --
I heard.
I just wanted to tell you...
that I love you --
Daddy too.
See you at 5:00.
Bye.I love you, too.
Ugh. Bad accent.
Too big? Too small?
Too pushy for my own good?
No. It was perfect.
It's just --where the heck is he?
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
Garden Gate.
Austin speaking.
Hey, Austin.
It's Regan.
Regan.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas
to you, too.
Is my father thereby any chance?
I-I think he left for the
dentist about an hour ago.
Wasn't he meeting you?
That was the plan.I keep calling his phone.
And all I'm gettingis voicemail.
Is there anything
I can do?
Yes, you can, actually.
If you could pleasego to his computer
and log on to his account
for me?
Certainly.
I installed that"find my phone" app
on their cellphones
when they first got 'em,
in case they lost them.
This doesn't make
any sense.
The app says
that your father's phone
is around heresomewhere.
Huh.
Okay, I'm gonnakeep you on the line
and call my dad's phone.
And can you see if you cantrack his ring?
It's in the Dumpster.
What do you want me to do?
Don't touch anything.
Don't say anything to anyone.I'm on my way.
- Yeah, I'd like a taxi --
- No, Regan.
- We're gonna take you. We'll take you.
- What?
Uh, hold on a second, please. "We"?
- We.
- "We" who?
"We" me.
I don't know who you areor what is going on here,
but I do know never to arguewith my wife.
No. Regan. Listen to me, honey. It's what?
It's three daysbefore Christmas, right?
If you file somemissing-persons report,
they're not gonnalook at it
till the kidshave opened, broken,
and returned their toys.
Who can you call
who can help?
The right guy.
You're still here?
Thought you'd be halfway toyour mom's Christmas ham by now.
Aw, you haven't tasted
her cooking.
Well, give everyoneour best, Jack.
Oh, especially...
My sister
doesn't date cops, Stan.
Anybody ever tell you you'rea regular scrooge, Reilly?
Alvirah.
Hey.
Ha ha! Race ya!
I know I promised, Sal,
but I can't just take offand leave them.
That's her now.I'll call on my way.
- Mommy's here!
- Mom!
- Fred!
- Fred!
Hey, guys.
Is, uh, Rosita here?
I know I should be used to your
persuasiveness, Alvirah,
but you never cease
to amaze me.
I mean, here I am,
way outside my jurisdiction,
- and you make one phone call?
- Regan!
Well, you know.
His honor owed me a favor.
Tell me this.
How many people, otherthan the mayor's family,
have the numberfor his private line?
Well, if you clean a lot of
closets over the years,
you see a lot of skeletons
you shouldn't.
That opens doors
and gets your calls returned.
And, thanks to the mayor,
Jersey's finest
is lucky to have
yourhelp.
- Willy!
- I'm hungry.
Come on, just one.
Okay.
What next?
- So, what can you tell us, Jack?
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, CSU is running
your father's
wallet and cellphone
for prints,
and the other cellphone came up
belonging to Rosita Alvarado.
Dad's driver?
She's missing, too?
Yeah. We're gonna take a run
at Rosita's ex -- Ramon.
He's got a record --
D&D, D.U.I.
He's a fixture at the craps
table in Atlantic city.
ACPD are rolling to his
last known address now.
Is there any chance
he could be --
At Rosita's? Yeah.
We've asked the state police
to send a car for a look-see.
According to Mr. Grady,
she's raising
their two kids solo.
So, most likely
they're with the babysitter,
a Nicole Parma.
Does that ring any bells?
No.But I barely know Rosita.
Did Austin --um, Mr. Grady --
get you the limo'slicense plate
and the Z-Pass numbersI requested?
Yeah, and they've got
an APB out on the limo,
and the Z-Pass
was picked up
crossing the G.W.
into Manhattan.
And aren't there cameras
on all the bridges and tunnels?
Since 9/11,
yeah, you bet.
So I 've got
my best man running tape
trying to match what the bridge camera picked up
to the Z-Pass,
and maybe we'll get lucky.
- Great. Good.
- Grady also clued me in
to a former employee,
Charlie Johnson,
who showed up very drunk,
very uninvited,
to the office
Christmas party.
Oh, Johnson. Right.
Dad fired himfor using one of the limos
as a private car serviceon the weekends.
That's the one.
Well, apparently,
he and Rosita remained friendly after he got the ax,
and she ushered him
out of there pretty quickly.
But the most interesting
hit that we got
was from the funeral home
security camera.
You guys are gonna
want to see this.
Now, as per Mr. Grady, the Santas arriving
for the Goodloe funeral are volunteers at Jingle Book House,
coming to paytheir respects.
Yeah, my folks
are big supporters.
Yeah. Well, the old manleft the charity $50 million.
Wow.
But one of the Santas
did not go inside -- see here?
He gets into the limo
before your father
and Mrs. Alvarado
step outside.
After this van moves,
there's no trace of the limo.
Can I get a copy of that?
Yeah. Already done.
Oh. Thanks.
The poor kid.
Her and her dad are due homewithin the hour.
Her mother is laid upwith a broken leg.
It's three daystill Christmas,
and now she has
to go home...
...and tell her mom this?
I mean, it just --it breaks your heart.
Well, if anyone can find
a silver lining in this,
it's you, Alvirah.
Okay. Here we are.Good.
I really appreciate
everything you've done.
Oh, not at all.
I think it's best
if I go in alone
to break the news to Mom.
You sure?
Oh, no. Of course.
Of course. Yeah, go.
And if you need anything --anything --
you're gonna ask, right?
Yeah.
Anything.
All right.
Okay.
Well, feel like trying
one of those Jersey diners?
It's so sad.It's the holidays.
- Wait a minute --
- And it's her mother.
Here come
the waterworks.
- And her father --
- Honey, honey.
She's so sweet.
You know what?
You take things too personally sometimes.
- That's all.
- And you're surprised?
No, no,
I'm not surprised.
It's one of the many reasons
I love you. Hmm?
Oh, that's sweet.
What's that?
- Where is that?
- I think it's...
Oh.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Don't answer it.
- I know.
- Don't answer it.
- I won't.
- Don't answer it!
- Hello?
- Okay.
If you want to see
your father again,
you have 24 hours
to get me $5 million.
I will call with instructions
on where to make
the drop tomorrow.
Call the cops
and he's dead.
Dead!
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
- Thanks, love.
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year
♪ Good tidings we bring
♪ To you and your kin
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year
Santa!
♪ Oh, bring us
some figgy pudding ♪
♪ Oh, bring us
some figgy pudding ♪
♪ And a cup of good cheer
♪ Good tidings we bring
♪ To you and your kin
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year.
All I want is to be a lot
prettier than my best friend,
Monica.
She's, like,
so full of herself.
I knew you'd understand.
When mom gets home,
I'm gonna tell her youshould be our sitter from now on.
Yeah.
All our sitter ever does
is yak on the phone
and tell us to shush.
Hey. Would you guyslike to do me a favor?
Why don't yougo grab that, uh,
checker gameyou were telling me about
and go and set it upin the kitchen?
- I'll get it!
- No, me!
Tell me Rosita 's okay.
We've got bad news.
Call the cops,
and he's dead.
See? In the background,
it was like a whooshing sound.
Yeah, play just
that last part again.
See? It's most pronounced --
- Just as the call ends.
- Yeah.
Lieutenant Saito just said the same thing.
He's gonna take the file
you uploaded
and run it through
a spectrum analyzer,
see if we can get
an I.D. on it.
Whoever this... reprobate is,
he certainly has
a miserable cold.
How did your call go?
Other than my broker
being a bit too curious?
Any red flags?
No. $5 million in stocks
will be converted to cash
and in my money market
tomorrow morning.
I'll have my team
coordinate the transfer
through
the federal reserve.
That way,
all the ransom money is logged and tagged.
That's fine, detective, but let's be crystal clear.
The money is replaceable.
Luke and Rosita are not.
Wow. That is so Nora Reilly.
Just the poise under fire, the clarity, the passion.
It's like one of the charactersin your books.
Come and get it,
folks!
Sharp minds
need nourishment
to keep from
going off the rails.
They're so little,
Mr. Reilly.
And with their grandmaback in Puerto Rico,
I have to use a sitter --
Rosita, uh,
I'm sure that my family
is already taking care
of Chris and Bobby.
The ransom will be paid.
I promise.
You'll be home soon.
But how can you know?
How can you be surethat these men won't --
Because all they want
is money.
- What if they --
- They won't.
They'll take the money,
and we can't identify them.
It'll be okay.
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace.♪
Nora loves Alvin.
Nora loves Alvin.
Lock up, dummy.
Lock up, dummy.
Nora's hungry. Nora's hungry.
Prints on both cellphones
produced no hits.
And the photo taken
on the G.W.
captured the suspect
in his Santa disguise.
Do you recognize this man?
This couldbe the same lowlifefrom the surveillance footage.
That is, if I could see him.
Print quality blows, Lieutenant.
It's a fax of a fax
of a photo.
I'm working on getting
the original.
I'll... work faster.
Any luckwith my recording?
Yeah. And then some.
Take a listen.
I will call
with instructions
- on where to make the drop tomorrow.
- You hear it?
That's the sound
of jet engines.
Based on where the photo
was taken,
I'm guessing JFK or LaGuardia.
I can't do this
radio interview tomorrow.
Oh, of course.You're right, Mom.
I'm not so sure
she is right, Regan.
What do you mean?
Well, honey, I know you're justtrying to protect your mom,
but hear me out.
All right,
you've had this interview --
it's been promoted for likethree weeks now, right?
To coincide with the publicationof your new book --
one that your fans know
you do every single year
to promote
Jingle Book House.
If you cancel,
we don't know how the kidnappers will react.
I mean, they may think it's
a sign of police involvement.
I don't know.
She's right, Mom.
Mm-hmm. And you made that exactpoint in "Rock-A-Bye Me Deadly."
I did! I did!
Precisely that, Alvirah!
Ohh. I can't focus.
I just...
Hey, what aboutCharlie Johnson,
the guy who crashedthe office party?
After talking
to his neighbors,
I learned Charlie 's
been on a serious bender
for most of
the last year.
We're staking out
his favorite haunts.
What about surveillance footage
from the Garden Gateparking lot?
Any leads there?
I forwarded it
to the FBI.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
I think we just did.
Rosita's ex, Ramon?
Atlantic city police
haven't found him yet.
He hasn't been at his lastknown address in months.
But... they've confirmedthat he's in deep
to a mobbed-up loan sharkto the tune of 200 grand.
They put a hit out on him?
That would explain him
going underground.
And there is
your motive, right?
If they do find Ramon,
we'll put him
under surveillance,
hopefully he'll lead us
right to Luke and Rosita.
Which brings up
the really ugly question.
If Ramon is the kidnapper,
could Rosita possibly be
an inside accomplice?
That's impossible.
Mom, we have to examineevery angle.
You don't know her,
I do.
She is not involved. Not Rosita.
She's a good mother.
Maybe, but you haven't seen whatI've seen, actually lived it.
Look, I know you researchevery crime, every criminal.
You write with knowledgeand passion,
but... no one really livesor dies in your world, Mom.
I mean, you'd be shockedat the number of good people
that I 've had to put awayfor doing very bad things,
and right now the only thinglinking Charlie and Ramon
to any of this is Rosita.
Well, I still
think you're wrong.
I hope you're right,
but we have to know.
Which leaves us
with Rosita's children.
Somebody has to interview
those kids.
Oh.
Okay, okay.I'm sorry I'm late.
You knowI had stops to make.
You suregot off easy today.
Traffic was so badwhen I ditched the limo,
that I'd still be stuck in itif I wasn't in the Z-Pass lane.
What?
Did you hear that,
Mr. R?
Yes. I know.
He used the Z-Pass.
That dummy may have just done us a big favor.
Oh, I hope so.
No way that'll happen.
Besides, I wiped it downwith bleach,
exactly as you
wrote it down.
I left the phone
like I was supposed to.
Eggs? Uh, cheese...
Tuna salad. Come on.Something's got to sound good.
- Mommy!
- Mommy!
Boys, let me --let me get that.
Who wants pizza?
- Pizza! Yay!
- Pizza! Whoo-hoo!
So, you boys are used to your
mommy working late for my dad?
Uh-huh, 'cause then mommybrings home cookies
and even presents.
Presents?
Like the kind of presents
that Santa brings?
No.Mom calls them "swagie."
Oh, yeah.
That's not what Santa brings.
So what do you want
this year from Santa?
We want a tree!
Yeah, uncle Fred said he'd take us.
He's not really our uncle, but he's cool.
He knows Santa, too.
I bet he does.
And what else are you gonna ask for for Christmas?
- Hmm.
- Come on.
There's got to be something else that you want.
How about...
A truck!
Yeah, our daddrives a truck.
He does.
But he doesn't livewith us anymore.
He had to move for work.
Mommy sayswe can ask Santa for a truck,
but not for Daddy.
We're not allowed
to ask for people.
Oh, you miss him, huh?
Uh-huh, I'm gonna ask Santa if he can help Daddycome home anyhow.
I won't tell mommy.
I-I know proceduremandates that I callsocial services,
but withtheir mom missing
and their sad excuseof a father in the wind,
I... I just couldn't do itto them.
And the sitter wasn't
the least bit concerned
about just leaving?
She offered to stay,
but when she learnedI was a cop,
and since the boysknew who I was,
she took off.
Look, I-I knowit sounds crazy,
but I justkept thinking --
hoping that Rosita was just...
delayed, you know?
That she'd come walkingthrough that door any minute
and find me, of all people...
Fred, believe me,
it's gonna be fine.
All right?
Your captain
asked me to tell you
you have
his full support, okay?
It's settled, then?
I can stay herewith Chris and Bobby
until Rosita's backsafe and sound?
Oh, yeah, in fact,
you being here
has become key
to our investigation.
How's that?
What do you know about Rosita's ex-husband Ramon?
Please tell mehe's not the perp.
So, I got the lowdown on Ramon and Rosita from Fred.
Pregnant, married straight out of high school,
and apparently straight
downhill from there.
Does Fred thinkRosita could be dirty?
Well, what do youthink?
Ramon left in the middle
of the night.
Right, never sent them a dime.
How about that?
Well, I thinkI owe my motheran apology.
Yeah, we both do.
Honey, I can smell
the onions from here!
I like onions!
I hope I haven't kept youwaiting too long.
No, not at all.
Thanks for coming.
I just wanted to get
my dad's laptop.
Cuthbert Boniface Goodloe?
Oh, was this the funeral
that attracted all the
Jingle Book House mourners?
Yes. He was a kind
and generous man.
Were there any actualfamily members
among all thosevolunteer Santas?
A nephew,
Cuthbert Boniface Dingle.
He took the loss
quite hard.
First chance we get,
we should pay our condolences to Mr.
Dingle.
After the police
were through,
I-I didn't know what to do.
Well, I-I didn't know
it was allowed, and...
who would like
a nice cup of tea?
I'll take you up
on that.
Thank you, Austin.
Oh, it's Jack.
You go on ahead. I'll catch up.
Hey, Jack.
- Good news, Alvirah.
- What?
Saito got a clean photo
off the G.W.
- Oh, well, that's great.
- It should be in your e-mail now.
Yes. Please thank
Lieutenant Saito for me.
Upon examination
of the actual footage
captured by the security camerason the George Washington bridge,
I now see that unlike all the others dressed as Santa
who attended the funeral,
the suspect is not wearing
a Jingle Book House
volunteer insignia pin.
Which leads me to conclude
he was notan invited guest,
but an imposter,
who knew if he showed up
in that disguise,
he would blend in.
Meaning he had prior knowledge
of the large contingent
of Jingle Book House Santas
expected to attend,
leaving the kidnapper
confident
that at this funeral on this day in this disguise
was his very best chance
to stage the perfect crime.
Number one fan.
Number one fan.
Nora likes a winner.
Nora likes a winner.
Hey. Morning.
Hope you boys are hungry.
Made my special --
chocolate chip pancakes!
- Yes!
- Is Mommy home yet?
She already left for work.
We missed her?
But, since she had
to leave really early,
I promised her,
right after breakfast,
Christmas-tree time.
- Huh?
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
Charlie Johnson, how you doing?
I don't know any Charlie.
We metthrough Luke Reilly.
What's your relationship
with Rosita Alvarado?
We got no relationship.
Rosita's the only onethat didn't treat me like crap
after I got the boot.
She's a nice lady, that's all.
Come on. I got things to do.You got nothing to hold me on.
We got you
resisting arrest.
Why don't we start with that
and see where it takes us?
I'm supposed to believethe head of Major Crimes
is out rustling rummiesfor unpaid parking tickets?
Even I'm not that stupid.
as*ault.
Auto theft. Larceny.
I don't see a lot of unpaid parking tickets here.
I'm thinking
that maybe this week,
you decided to make
the jump to the bigs.
One black, two cream,
one sugar.
How'd it go
with your suspect?
Well, we got him on that
bodega robbery in Brooklyn
we were trying to clear
last Saturday,
but Charlie is definitely not our kidnapper.
Well, we did get
some good news.
It seems your volunteer
detective came through again.
- Alvirah?
- Yeah.
I don't thinkshe ever sleeps.
She e-mailed me an audio fileway past midnight
on the same Santa photoMiss Reilly busted my a*s over.
She was spot on the money
that our perp was the only Santa present
not wearinga Jingle Book House pin.
Which, it turns out,
you can't buy
through making
a donation --
only by putting your butt
out in the cold
and working those corners.
Alvirah also said something about
the suspect having detailsof the funeral
he could useto his advantage,
an angle she's running downthis morning
in the hopethat a guest noticedor might even know
the phony Santa and could help I.D. him.
Okay,
running down how?
She and Miss Reilly are paying a visit
to a Mr. Dingle, nephew of the deceased.
This is Saito.
Hey, speaking
of Regan Reilly --
Yeah,
don't even go there.
She packs a GL*CK 26, Jack.
- She's amazing...
- Yeah, well...
...at her job.
Okay? So why don't you go wash
your mind out with some soap?
Limo turned up abandoned
near LaGuardia.
CSU's en route.
Willy, how many timeshave I asked you,
just get directions, honey!
We could have savedso much time.
- I mean, how in the world did you ever manage...
- Alvirah --
- ...to run your own plumbing company...
- Sweetie --
...with your lackof organization?
It's just beyond me.
Take as long as you'd like, sweetheart.
Honey, we should have
done this years ago.
Hey, Jack.
Just wanted to let you know
we got the limo.
We're going
through it now.
They have the limo.
Is Miss Regan Reilly
available?
Is Miss Regan
Reilly available?
Yes, she is.
Hello, Detective Jack Reilly.This is Regan Reilly.
That's a whole lot of...
Reillys? I was thinking the same thing.
Maybe we should just
stick to Jack.
And Regan.Just Regan.
Regan. Got it.
Look, I know this is
probably old hat to you,
but I just wanted to go
through the drill
for when
the kidnappers call.
The home phone is setto ring through to my cellphone,
which you're tappingand tracking in real-time.
- Right.
- And when the call comes in,
I want to keep themon the lineas long as possible.
- Demand to...
- Speak with the hostages.
Do you have any other questions for me, Regan?
No. Just a big thank you.
My mother and I, we will never forget this.
Just doing my job.
Oh, no. I... I've known a lot of cops.
I've worked withsomeand
againstsome,
and... this is morethan a job to you.
We'll be in touch.
Look forward to it.
Yeah, he's as goodas you said.
Bingo!
Hello?
- Hello?
- Cuthbert?
The name's C.B.
Come on in.
I'm just finishing up
a few things here.
Okay. Yeah.
The door was open.
Hi, C.B.
I'm Regan Reilly.
Regan...
My dad is Luke Reilly.
Garden Gate funeral home.
Mr. Reilly. Of course.
Your father is
a very gracious man.
And you are...?
Oh. I'm Alvirah.
- My aunt. Aunt Alvirah.
- Aunt Alvirah. Yeah.
Did we come
at a bad time?
No. No.
I'm... just packing to move.
For the last year
of my uncle's life,
I had the privilege
of taking care of him.
So now that he's gone...
I can move on
knowing he's at peace.
But... I still don't
understand why you'rehere.
Was there a problem?
'Cause the funeral was beautiful.
Oh, no, no, no. No.
What my niece was trying to sayis that a family heirloom
is missingfrom the funeral home,
one that Luke,
my brother,
was gonna give his wifefor Christmas.
It was on my dad's desk,
and he remembers seeing
one of the volunteers --
Coming out of the office.He claimed that he was lost.
I'm sure you can imagine
how upsetting this isfor our family.
I wish I could help.
I... I didn't know any of them.
The only thing they had
in common was the --
the Jingle Book House.
So I guess
you wouldn't have noticed
if anyone didn't belong.
Sorry.
You see one Santa,
you've seen them all.
But I 'll ask around,
and if -- if I come up with anything,
tell your father
I'll be sure and call.
- Great.
- Great.
Thanks. Oh! Since you offered,
maybe we could getyour phone number,
just have it handyin case we needto contact you?
Thank you so much.
But if you...
you don't mind,
I really should get back to...
but give your father
my best.
Oh. Thank you.
It was nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
On the big WVXT
Christmas Countdown,
we are going to take a break
from all of this
holiday-cheer mumbo jumbo,
and we are going to
make this...
...a very spooky Christmas.
That's right, boys and ghouls,
today we are hanging
with our favorite
thrillmeister Nora Reilly,
whose latest
novel is so scary that, well,
you'll never look at tinsel
the same way again.
Morgan, you reallyknow how to flatter a girl.
Anything for you, Nora.
Hey, let's get this plug
out of the way, shall we?
Nora Reilly's very latest book, "A Very Spooky Christmas,"
blends thrills,
chills, and suspense
with heart, humor,
and holiday cheer,
in a page-turner perfect
for your Christmas Eve.
Yeah, that's right, Morgan.
But let's not forget
that a portion of the proceeds
of each book goes
to Jingle Book House,
a charity that is near
and dear to my heart
- that supports childhood literacy.
- Ah, that's right.
And your legions of Santas
have been, well, everywhere
ringing those damn bells
for weeks now!
Of course,
it's all to help raise money
so the kiddies
can learn to read.
Well, the bell ringers
will soon ceasefor this year, Morgan,
but the important cause
of childhood literacy
is year-round.
And I think with New Year's
just around the corner,
that parents should
make a resolution
to read to their children
every day.
Now, you have
a daughter, Nora.
And did you and your husband
read to her as a child?
Absolutely.
Well, it was one of the joysof my husb-- my husband's --
My, uh, dear, uh,
kind Luke --
one of the joysof his life...
to read to our daughter.
I mean, it's the greatest giftthat one can give to a child
or to oneself.
Speaking of that daughter
of yours, Nora,
the famous Regan Reilly --
she has been getting
some pretty interesting
press these days.
Yes.Yes, she has.
And not just because
she is smokin' hot.
No, no, she's
a real-life private eye
just like out of one of
your novels, isn't she?
Yes, she is. Yes.
And she's single, too.
Well, then...
merry Christmas to me!
Thanks so much,
Nora Reilly, for joining us,
and you have a happy, happy
holiday with your family.
Will ya?
And give a special shout-out
to that book-reading
husband of yours.
And, listeners,
you dig deep,
and give
to Jingle Book House.
Thank you, Morgan.Thank you.
Happy holidaysto you, too.
Well done.
And now if you'll...
just excuse me.
I can't breathe!
Go ahead and sh**t me.
Put me out of my misery.
Morgan in
the afternoon on WVXT!
We'll be right back.
There you are.
So, do you always
record everything?
It's kind of my thing.It's what I do.
Well, made her promise
not to record me.
- Other than that...
- Shush.
Don't mind him.
Regan Reilly.
You...
and you alone are to bring $5 million in unmarked hundreds
in a red, ironside,
hard-shell roller
to Christopher Park at 4:00.
And dress for a night
on the town -- pretty-like.
I'll be watching.
Unless you bring
my father and Rosita,
there will be no money.
No swapping!
You pay or they die.
Let me speak
to my father... now.
Regan?
Dad. Are you okay?
Your mother was amazing
on the radio.
I could
just see myself
reading you your
- favoritebook... when you were --
- Okay, we're done.
Not -- not unless
I speak to Rosita!
No Rosita.
My babies! How are my babies?!
They're safe, Rosita!
Nora.
Mom.
What happened?
You boys sure picked a beauty of a tree for your mom.
That's some big jobyou're doing there.
You boys okay?
Don't worry, Mrs. Lee.
We got it.
Oh. We do?
Sure! We're strong!
Uh... Mrs. Lee?
I... I need you to take
the boys inside the apartment.
How would you boys like somefresh-baked Christmas cookies?
- Cookies!
- Can we, Uncle Fred?
Yeah, you bet.
And as soon as I get your tree
inside the apartment,
I'll come join you.
Okay, Mrs. Lee?
I understand.
Vince. Yeah,
it's going down now.
I need backup.
581 Maple.
Aah!
What's your problem, cop?
I told youthis is my house, my stuff.
You got no business here.
No, Ramon,
you aremy business here.
Hey, I know my rights!
I adviseyou to exercise
your right to shut the hell up.
'Cause this ain't your house,
it ain't your stuff,
and you're never ever
coming back here again,
because you're not
welcome here.
And...
you're gonna run
when I tell you to run.
Because I know
two fine young men
who don't deserve to learn
two days before Christmas
what a scumbag
their sperm donor is.
Got it?
Good.
Now get the hell out of here.
On his way.
Oh, and, uh, Vince...
take him down quiet.
No need to upset the neighbors.
You are notmaking this
any easier on yourself, Ramon.
I swear, I got nothing
to do with no kidnapping.
You think I wouldn'ttell you if I knew?
She's the mother
of my kids!
No way this is our guy.
Unfortunately, you're right.
I thought for sure it was him
when we pulled the ace of spades out of the limo.
But there's no hitson Ramon 's prints, right?
No. Got clean reads, too.
Now, either this kidnapperis the best of the best
or the rookie's rookie,
but the prints we pulled
off the playing card
are not
in the FBI database.
Ramon's not our guy.
Seems he's also well aware
of the hit his loan sharkput out on him,
and he's offering to do
almost anything
to have us protect
his sorry a*s.
All right, Jack, remember,
he's a father, okay?
I know. I would hate
Ramon's untimely demise
to ruin a lifetime of Christmases for his two kids.
So, then, where are we
with this ransom call?
We're running
the specs now.
Yeah. You know, I have played
back this recording
dozens of times,
and even with his cold,
the way he's talking,
it's like he's
reading to us, right?
You know, it struck methat way, as well.
I mean, whoever our suspect is,
it seems to me they got somebodybehind them calling the shots,
using themas a mouthpiece.
Which means, whoever this guy or gal is,
they can't run the risk of ushearing what they sound like.
So, you mean it's someone
Regan's family...
your dad
might have met before.
Oh, yeah, that'd fit the pattern.
But what does this have to do with my dad reading to me as a kid?
The only thing
I can think of is
that this person
is involved somehow,
some way
with Jingle Book House.
- Right.
- Which reminds me --
what about the nephewof the deceased, Mr. Dingle?
Does he have anything to dowith Jingle Book House?
No. He lost his uncle,
he's moving on with his life.
That charity really meant
nothing to him.
Hmm.
Leave him be.It's gonna be a long day.
Besides, you and Willy are off duty
for the next round anyway.
Well, the instructionswere for me to come alone.
Well, I know,
but I'm your backup.
No means no, Alvirah.
Look, I'm sorry,
that's just the way it is.
All right. Regan...
I think it's bestthis way.
Okay.
And, Jack...
I know you're trackingthat money,
but I don'twant to see you...
or your men anywhere nearthat drop point.
Well, that's fine.
But we are gonna be
two steps behind you.
It's time.
Regan?
When I was little,
I couldn't sleep,
my pop used to hold my hand
and tell me stories
about his dad...
whom I neverhad the chance to know
because my grandfather diedbefore I was born.
I don't want my kids, if I ever have kids,
not to know their grandpa.
I wish I could convince you
that you didn't
have to do this, but...
Who wouldyou be kidding?
You're gonna do great.
So, have you figured outwhat car I 'll be driving?
Oh, I thought I'd leave
that up to you.
The NYPD impound garage
is the best-used car lot
in the tri-state area.
I got it.
I make the calls,
and I wait here for the drop.
They don't scare me, Mr. R.
My boys are okay --that's all that matters.
I know, whatever happens,
my children will bein a good place.
And they'll burn.
Burn forever.
Oh, they'll pay
all right, Rosita.
But they are never
going to hurt us.
Because the last thing
anyone in their right mind
would ever want
is my daughter pissed off
and coming after them.
Comfy back there,
Alvirah?
How'd you know?
I knew you'd know
which car I'd pick.
And you gave up way too easy on coming along.
So, we're okay, then, yeah?
- As long as you stay out of sight...
- Okay.
...and don't offer
any driving tips, yeah.
Change of plans.
Go to Patty O's.
630, 125th.
20 minutes.
And ditch your phone.
Remember, I see you.
Here.
Take care of the money.
Really?
You lost? Are you a tourist?
Excuse me?
What'll it be?
I'm not sure.
That's enough of that now.
Go see to the stew.
Go on, now.
And how are youon this fine day?
I'm...
Don't let my sister's moodspoil your own.
She's been getting upon the wrong side of the bed
since the daywe were born.
I'm a minute older, and it sticks in her craw.
I take it you two are --
Oh, we get along all right,
but you know what we sayabout the Irish.
"We forget everything
but the grudge."
You're both prettyand smart.
I'll be right with you.
Patty O's.
Oh, yes, indeed, Santa.Right where you left it.
Why, yes.I believe she is.
Of course.It would be my pleasure.
Seems this is for you.
Hello?
Go to U-Gift It
down the block.
To the what?
U-Gift It!
Just shut it,
and do what I say.
All right, I need you to wrap
this suitcase like a present.
So you want me to gift-wrapthe suitcase, yeah?
I have got 15 minutes
to get to Pier 61.
I need you
to do it quickly.
Okay. And how bigwould you like the bow?
Where to next?
The Jingle Book House
Christmas party
on the mezzanine level.
When?
- Two minutes.
- What'd he say?
No time.
All right, ooh.
All right.
- Keep your phone on in case I need you.
- Yes.
- And... park the car.
- Okay. Oh!
But --but I don't... drive.
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
♪ Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
♪ Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh
♪ A day or two ago
♪ I thought
I'd take a ride ♪
Where should I stickyour present?
Give it to Santa,
pretty lady.
All right, thank you
for your support, ma'am.
Hey, what you guys doing up here?
How we doing?
Thank you for supporting
Jingle Book House.
I'd have to say...
you clean up real nice.
Where are my fatherand Rosita?
I'll call to tell you
after I'm gone.
If anyone follows me,
especially you, they die.
I guess we need
some more room.
I agree.
Let's head over to...
I got some room rightback here in the back.
Those look great.
Hello, there.
Hey, thanks on behalf on me.
This -- this one's --
This one's a little light.
Hi!
Put this one over there on the top.
- Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas from
Jingle Book House. Thank you.
Hey, you can bring
that box right over here.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Okay, okay!
Yes.
I'm on my way back.
Where did you park?
Right where you left me.I don'tdrive.
And they keep
honking at me.
Calm down, Alvirah.
I'm on my way.
- Oh!
- Hey, watch it!
Oh, God. Oh, oh.
I'm going. Okay, okay.
Hey!
Whoa! Aah!
Oh, no! The money!
You okay?
What do you think?
Alvirah.
I just never know whento leave well enough alone.
I don't.You know what?
I'm just gonna get outof your hair.
Because of me, he dropped the money,
and now they can't track itto your dad.
I hate to rain
on your pity party,
- but this isn't your fault.
- Oh, please.
I'm the one he spotted,
and he panicked
and started running,
and I chased after him
like a complete amateur.
Oh, do not go
blaming yourself.
Which is exactly
my point.
Playing the blame game
isn't gonna help anybody
at this point.
Especially my dad
and Rosita.
I don't know how
to fix this,
but I do know
that in order to succeed,
I'm gonna need
that smart, ballsy,
"stick her nose into
everybody's business"
Alvirah Meehan that
I've come to count on
right by my side.
It's settled, then.
Now, get your booty
back in the car,
and let's go fix this.
I know a threat
when I see one.
That photo is
from the book signing
for "Haunted Haunts,"
and that was almost
two years ago!
Mom, your fans
have a history
of coming to your eventsin costume
just to have their picturetaken with you.
This could simply be a giftfrom a zealous fan.
Then why no return address?
And why now?
I mean, tell me
how I'm wrong.
Oh, no one's saying
you're wrong.
We just don't want you
to jump to conclusions.
Nora? Listen --
they'll catch this guy.
It'll be okay.
All right. So they fishedthe suitcase out of the river.
All the money is presentand accounted for.
Still no sign
of our Santa?
We got a print.We got him.
NYPD! Don't move!
Get your hands up! Don't move!
Clear.
Where are they? Where are you holdingLuke and Rosita?
Nora loves Alvin.
Quiet, Nora!
I don't know.
Maybe it needs more.
What do you think, Nora?
Nora?
Oh, boy.
Look...
I love doing
other people's trees.
Who wouldn't?
But Alvirah is gonna hold me personally responsible
if my handiwork is not up to her high tinseling standards.
And if I don't place this star up there just so,
she's gonna place it
somewhere else just so.
And she's done
it before --
I promise you
it won't be pretty.
All right.We wouldn't want that.
- What's the next move?
- Now you're talking.
Well, first of all,
I think we need a realladder
and a tape measure --
maybe even a bottle.
I mean a level.
Do I say bottle? I meant level.
Excellent idea, on both counts.
Full speed ahead.
Whoa.
There's been no newson the radio.
No call from him all night
saying he's in trouble
or something went wrong.
But it's not our fault
if your buddy
double-crossed you.
He's playing you.He's got the money.
Now, why not let us go
so you can go take back
what's yours?
Shut up!
We're just trying to help.
Where's my money?
I lost the money.
But at least I got away.
You moron!
You imbecile!
You mother...
I should be what?
Grateful that you
didn't get caught?
Peter, you're a dead man.
But, C.B., we've been
best buds forever.
- Forever and a day too long.
- Cuthbert! Wait!
Don't call me that.
That's my good-for-nothing
uncle's name.
And it's your fault
that you're here.
You and my uncle and that godforsaken Jingle Book House
that you both loved
so much,
that he loved more than me,
even after years
of "Yes, Uncle.
What can I do
for you, Uncle?"
Be sure and give him
my worst.
Or you could stop actinglike a spoiled child
and let me get backyour $5 million.
Why don't you stoplying to us, Alvin?
But she didlet me
take those pictures.
I-I swear on Nora's life.
You need to stopsaying that!
Can I sh**t him?
Okay.
Alvin, what Regan'strying to say is that
Nora -- not your bird Nora, but the real Nora --
asked us to come ask youif you know
where Luke and Rosita are.
Luke 's ugly!
That is it!
I'm going to k*ll that damn bird!
Regan Reilly.
I assume they recovered
the money?
Hey, hey.
Yes, dad, but --
This screw-up
is making me see red.
Do what they're going to
tell you to do.
It's our only chance.
Surrender, Luke. Surrender, Luke.
Get him cuffed!
Get that bird out!
This plan of yoursbetter work.
Why would I lie to you?
Our lives are in your hands.
Count on it.
Read good for me, Petey...
or else.
Go ahead, Dad.
We're ready.
Put the money
into another bag,
exactly like
the last suitcase.
Head for the Queens
midtown tunnel,
and exit on Borden avenue,
where you will find a pile
of abandoned furniture
dumped right under...
- the Long Island expressway. - ...the Long Island expressway.
I know I have it here somewhere.
"Strange Detective Magazine"issue number 12.
No. Possibly 13.
You're sure this storyhas a drop underthe Long Island expressway?
Yes, and at 30th street,
not 30th place.
And so cunning
of your father
to use your mother's ingeniousknack for plot twists
against his captors.
Do you remember this story, Alvirah?
No. I've read every one
of your mother's books.
It was never in a book, not even a compilation.
No, when this piecewas first published,
your mother was newly marriedand pregnant with you.
Ah! Oh, how about that?
It's issue number 12after all.
He's no kidnapper.
- Where are we on the money, Jack?
- It's on its way.
I'm gonna confirmwith the rest of my team
that everything is good to goat the new drop point.
Oh, God.
I know that sound!
What is it?
Why can't I remember?
Come on, Alvirah.
It's like I 've heard it
a million times.
All right, you know what?
What do we know?
What was your dad saying?
He was trying to tell you
something about books.
Right?
Books that he read to you when you were a child.
Right? And he said that
he was mad -- he said "red."
Wait. Let me see that.He crossed out his name.
- Yeah?
- C.B.
He crossed outhis uncle's name
on the memorial programto write down his phone number.
Who does that?
Not to someone you love.Right?
Or someone
you claim to love.
- Yeah.
- Of course.
C.B. got cut out
of his rich uncle's will.
He wasn't moving on
with his life.
He was being kicked out
on his ear.
Oh, my. This is not good.This is not good at all.
What'snot good?
I just finished
rereading this story.
What I forgot was the cops
caught the kidnappers,
but the poor unfortunate
hostages croaked.
Come on, Alvirah.
Please,
you've got to remember.
There's got to be something
that rings a bell.
Bell! That's what it is, bells!
It's the bellsof St. Michael's.
I heard it for 20 yearsevery Friday on the hour
coming fromSt. Michael's church.
It was right across from whereI cleaned houses. It's bells.
- Where is the church?
- It's in Edgewater. Come on.
- Wait.
- I'm coming!
- Seeing red.
- Wait for me!
That's it.
I know where they are.
Jack, we've got to go save them before it's too late.
Stick to my mom's story.
C.B.'s our kidnapper.
He should be there. Trust me.
Let's go.
After all the time and effort
I put into keeping
my identity secret
so I wouldn't
have to eliminate you...
I even fooledthe famous Regan Reillyand her nosy aunt Alvirah,
only to have mybrilliantly ex*cuted deception
ruined by Petey,
who I just knewwould screw up!
And force meto trigger plan B.
You get it? Trigger?
It's really too bad my uncle wasn't here to see my masterwork.
You know what his last words were?
Do you?
Why would you?
After selling my loft
and my Brazilian
black-wood pool table,
cutting me off, clearing my accounts,
he sold my Porsche.
He left me with
my mother's old beater.
He told me...
"Get a job."
Like I was common.
Now thanks to you,
everything's gonna be all right.
It's such a shame
you were fool enough
to place your life
in my hands.
Merry Christmas!
"The Little Red Lighthouse
And The Great Gray Bridge."
My dad read that to me
I don't know how many times.
I drove him crazy about driving me down to the Hudson to see it.
I-I don't know that book.
Published in 1942.
It's a timeless classic,
penned by Hildegard H. Swift
and illustrated by Lynd Ward,
about a little red lighthouse,
happy and content,
until a great bridge is built over it.
And it must learn that,
small as it may be,
it still has an important job
to do in this world.
Really? Anything else?
What else would
you like to know?
Who areyou?
Me? Alvin Luck.
Only child of Lou and Lois Luck, Erie, P.A.
Middle-class upbringing,
avid reader, webmaster
of "Nora Reilly Fanboys."
I got it.I got it, honey.
Good. So, well, nice to meet you, Alvin.
Oh, no.
It's my greatest pleasure.
Being with you two
is the most exciting moment
of my entire existence.
Not including my actual
birth experience, naturally.
Naturally.
- Dad!
- Mr. Reilly!
Regan! In here!
Regan! Hurry!
Dad! I'm coming!
Regan!
Are you okay?
I'm all right.
Help Rosita.
Come on, Regan.
Come on, baby.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, was it horrible?
No, no. The dentist
would have been much worse.
Hmm? Hmm?
Top-rate jobon the tree, Willy.
Great tinsel work.
You hear that, Alvirah?
Oh, my darling,
there are... no words.
Alvirah.
I'm about to begin workon my new book,
and I could usea research assistant.
Really?
Hmm, I wonder
who'd be qualified.
I'd love to.
And, Mommy, Uncle Fred taught us
how to pick out the mostawesomest Christmas tree ever.
Didn't he, Bobby?
Well, in that case,
it's only right for Fred to help us decorate that tree.
I'd like that very much.
Room for one more Reilly?
What a surprise!
On the drive up,
I kept trying to come up
with an excuse to be here,
and... all I got was,
"I'm in the neighborhood."
Well, since you're here...
Look, everybody!
It's snowing!
Just I can't help myself.
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la la la la,
la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly
♪ Fa-la la la la,
la la la la ♪
♪ Don we now our g*y apparel
♪ Fa-la la, la la la,
la la la ♪
♪ Troll the ancient
yuletide carol ♪
♪ Fa-la la la la,
la la la la ♪
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