03x13 - Red October Sky

[bunniefuu]

k*ll. k*ll.
Don't k*ll.

I went to high school with this guy.
k*ll.

Smith, a former KGB agent
has gone missing.

Ah, yes.
Sergei Kruglov, the Wolf of Leningrad.

I tangled with him
when I was a young agent.

Mur de Berlin - 1988

Exchange the captured spies.

Look, Sergei!
Over there lies the West.

People are buying
Bobby McFerrin tapes,

Jolt Cola,
and Scottie Pippen sneakers.

That's capitalism,

and it's gonna triumph over
your lousy system.

I laugh at
your decadent Western ways.

Behind you lies Communism

the paradise of the proletariat.

Free of excess,
devoted to the cause.

Look at the strength
and power of...

Grab him!

- Damn it, Stan!
- Every time!

I spend the next six months
in a Communist prison.

I vowed to dedicate my whole career
to hunting down Sergei.

But I forgot.

You know, had some kids,
focused on the lawn

the Redskins were good.

As you know, Communism's fallen,
and Sergei's retired,

but we still like to keep an eye
on these people.

We were monitoring Sergei
through his Columbia House account.

Nothing unusual,
Sheryl Crow and the like.

But now even they've
lost track of him.

Damned LimeWire.

Anyway, if you find this fellow,

you'll get a promotion
and a pay raise.

Climbing the coore dd!******************

That's the kind of rush
those Reds never got to feel.

They also never got to feel
the smooth comfort of these Air Pippens.

Get that junk out of here!

Whe would a Communist go?

Cuba? China?

Back in time
to k*ll Betsy Ross?

Dad, you're finally home!
I need your help.

Sorry, son, I've got too much
work to do.

it's for the rocket contest
at school.

Whoever's flies highest

will be undisputed champion of

aerodynamics
and Newtonian physics.

And you know that'll translate
into attention from the ladies.

I'll be adjusting a few

"delta wing stabilizers."

Right?

That's something a guy says ?

I don't know, Steve.
A puppy's lot of responsability.

Check it out, Dad!

Oh, no!

It's gonna hit...

...Mr. Holworthy's house!

Great.
Wait here!

Mr. Holworthy ?

What's that smell?

Oh now I recognize it.

It's freshly cut grass
on a summer's day...

and death.

Here you go, scamp.

He must've been dead for weeks.

Mom, you might want to sit down.

I hate to tellyou this, but...

Mr. Holworthy has passed.

Nutty Bars!

They stock Nutty Bars now!

I asked the man and he got them!

My rocket's ruined.

- Dad, can you help mebuild a new one?
- Steve, do you get paid for your rocket?

- No.
- Then it has no value.

You see, son, we're part
of a wonderful system.

It's the glorious orgy
of American capitalism!

I get a snazzy new title
and a bigger paycheck.

Then I give my money to your mother
who spends it on speeding tickets.

I like to race school buses!

I'm a ninja, everybody!
I'm doing ninja stuff now!

Klaus?

No! Can't you see
I'm trying to k*ll myself?

What? Why would you do that?

You know what today is ?

Two days after my birthday!

That's not right. I don't remember
having a cake or anything.

That's my point!
Nobody cares about me!

You're just stuckin a rut.
You know what?

You need a change of scenery.

Let's take a trip!

Well, I'd love to go back to Europe.

Do you knowI've never even been?

you simply must.

Don't you ever tell me what to do!

I'm sorry.I aver reacted.
Yes, we should goto Europe.

Look at my little Disney's
The Rocketeer.

- How's it going?
- Not so well.

I can't figure out what's wrong,
and Dad's too busy.

You know

if we put some glitter on,
it'll look just like a sh**ting star!

Thanks, Mom, but that's not gonna
make it fly better.

How about we glue on some raisins?

That way, if it breaks up on reantry,***********

everyone will get a tasty treat
instead of a national tragedy.

All right, Sergei.
Are you... here?

Nope.
How 'bout... here?

There's got to be a faster way.

Stan Smith here.

Stan, do you think you'll be
home any time soon?

Steve's having a little trouble
with his rocket.

Raisins!

Stan, this is really something
a boy needs his father for.

All right,let me take a look.

Francine, turn around.

There you go.

Jackson, check it out.

I can't believewe really did it.
I mean, we're in Europe!

Nine hours ago,
we were in America.

- I just think we'll be better off.
- No, no, I get it.I get it.

Dad Your finaly home!

I've been searching
for Sergei all day.

I zoomed in ona hundred people
in over four countries.

None of them were him.
So we have to conclude he's dead.

Rest in peace, my sworn enemy.

Hello, neighbour.

Relax, Smith.
I am no longer KGB agent.

- I am American now.
- Yeah right!

It's true, Stan.
Look in my wallet.

A Costco card?!

It is true.

You don't know how happy
I'm to be here.

All the time I was under
the boot of Communism,

I dreamed of living like
CIA man Stan Smith.

I made fantasies about
American town of Langley Falls.

Of course you did.

We're 80 minutes to the ocean, three hours to the mountains

6 hours from NewYork City
and 20 hours to Zanzibar!

When Communism fell,
I got job at first Moscow McDonald's.

There I learned capitalist system--

seize opportunity,
move up, buy things.

So I worked hard, and moved up
to first Moscow Wendy's.

Then up again
to first Moscow Burger King.

There were dark times,

like whenI work
at first Moscow Hardee's.

But my dream of living
in Langley Falls kept me alive.

Sergei, that isso inspiring!

At last, raccoons eat
your neighbor's face,

Internet tells me
house is available

so I move to America.
Now look!

I smoke your
American menthol cigarettes

and wear American
Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt!

I support
your New York Mets baseballs,

and eat American Peeps candy!

- Peep? Peep?
- Thanks.

- l love these.
- Chewy.

Welcome to the neighborhood,Sergei.

Put 'er there, American.

Dude, my wife's right here, man.

Why do you think she's smiling?

I think it's a mother's smile.

I think it's pride and love,

and I think perhaps she knew
she'd be remembered.

That Polish guy at the hostel
is gonna steal my towel,I just know it.

Congratulations on locating Sergei.

You're now officially the Deputy
Under-Director of Missing Foreign Agents.

So I was here...
Now I'm here!

I've moved up at least
an eighth of an inch!

Yes. And since you're so good
at finding missing agents,

it should be no problem
for you to find these ten.

Find them al lby next Friday,

and I'll give you
another eighth of an inch.

And I'll take
that eighth of an inch, sir.

I'll take it like a man.

- I know you will.
- Yeah, I will.

D-Day, 1944.

You think about the bravery,
the heroism that happend here,

It's just... humbling.

- Men younger than us, boys really.
- Just boys.

trying to fight off
an American invasion.

I-I was talking about the Americans.

Uh, the Germans were brave, too.

Less brave, maybe.

Sorry, son,
capitalism knows no Saturday.

Hello, neighbor!

That's a fine-looking flag,Sergei!

Now you truly have everything
that makes someone an American.

Almost.I still need two things:

a beer I am willing to fight for,
and a job.

A job, huh?

How'd you like to help my son
with his model rocket?

I would be proud to accept job
as child's model rocketassistant.

Now that's capitalism.

Let us honor our arrangement
with Peeps.

- What is this?
- That's a pinwheel.

- What is this?
- That's Captain Ace Brogdal

He's sort of in charge
of the whole operation.

Bit of a maverick,
doesn't like taking orders,

but he's got the guts
to get the job done.

Eta roketavi!
Ace!

This rocket is decadent
and wasteful.

If you want to win contest,

your mind must be
hard and joyless,

like Russian turnip.

- We just needsomething quick.
- We want to knowwhat we're getting.

We'll make it up. We'll have
a niceItalian meal for dinner.

We're gonna have a nice Italian
meal for dinner.

Are you the spy known
as the Cairo Puppetmaster?

No? All right then.

Stan, stop working
and eat dinner with us.

I ordered from Meaty McMulligans.

I hear it's awful,

but if you don't like it
we'll just throw it out.

Ugh, that's so wasteful.

Nonsense!

Your mom's enthusiastic spending

is excatly what Jesus had in mind
when he invented capitalism

Would any of you like
to hear my tribute poem?

Tribute...to this food?

No! For Mr. Holworthy.
For his funeral.

It's tomorrow?

You know what I don't care for?

Garlic fries.

Are you people totally heartless?

Mr. Holworthy helped
build this town.

With a vision of
an all-white utopia, but still.

Show some respect!

She's right.

- Garlic fries are awful.
- No, I said that.

Oh. Well I guess Alie disagrees.

Anyway, my model rocket's
coming along great.

Sergei's really helping me.

Once we were foes
lockin a death struggle

Now he works for me.

Stalin's up in heaven
cryin' his eyes out.

I better get back to work.
Bullock's been riding me.

Yeah, that sounds like the typical
complaint of the proletariat.

Did he just say "proletariat"?

I know you've embraced
our American system,

but somehow my son
picked up a Communist word.

You probably tossed it off.
Just an innocent mistake.

Mistake. Hmm.

Let me tell you
a little story, Stan.

I truly believed in Communism, Smith

and I was raising my son
to be a true party member,

but then Communism fell,
and the wall came down.

My wife who had the strong,
plain features of a turnip,

left me for a West German
tennis equipment salesman.

And my son, my young son--

he became an entrepreneur!

He makes halloween costums
for dogs!

But... what about McDonald's?

Those were all lies to fool you!

You see, I dreamed of coming
to Langley Falls, Stan,

because I vowed--

the West stole my son,

so I will steal your son...
for Communism!

That'll never happen!
Steve's an American boy!

He's made of my American juices,
baked in his mother'sAmerican oven.

- Where's Steve?
- In his room. Why?

- Which one's his room?
- On the right.

Oh, my God.

Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon!

Zdravstvuite, Dad!

My son is a Communist!

Stop it!
Sergei gave me that stuff!

Look at this crazy
upside-down writing!

I'll take my backwards letters
on a ToyR-Us sign,thank you very much.

You're just a capitalist dupe!

All you care about is money.

Sergei cares about me.

He help me build my rocket!

No more Sergei!
That's an order!

This at least we can agree on.
Planet of the Apes was a fine picture.

What's that?

I'm just bringing dessert
to my little astronaut.

You mean cosmonaut!
No pie for him!

He's under sanctions.
A pie embargo!

Stan, don't be silly.

My God!

He's defected!

Think, Steve, of how sweet
your turnips will taste

when this lean, sleek rocket
defeats your capitalist opponents!

You're trying to bully me,
you imperialist pig! Fascist!

Steve, stop using words
and listen to me.

This is my fault.

I was distracted by work,
and I let you fall into the wrong hands,

and for that I'm sorry.

You have a right to be mad at me,
but don't be mad at capitalism.

Capitalism loves you.

And it's gonna help us
win this rocket contest!

Okay, okay, that-that sign
says Schaffhausen.

Is that how you say it?
Schaffhausen?

Yeah, I don't see Schaffhausen.

- We want Winterthur.
- Well, I can't find it!

We're going to Schaffhausen.

Do I even like girls?
I must like girls.

Toshi, this is a rocket contest.

Ponzo, transformation !

Good work,fellas.

You I'm not paying.

I'm pretty sure you're the one
who knocked over my Sprite.

Look at this decadent monstrosity.

I don't care what you think.

Me and my dad made
this rocket,and it's awesome!

It is bloated and overstuffed
like this fat child

with whom I will win space race.

We will bury you!

Today's rocket contest is
a test of thrust,

force and precision--

the same skills
you've been learning in sex ed.

Who ever's rocket reaches
the greatest altitude

and lands safely
will be declared winner.

Prepare to launch.
Three.

Two.

One!

Launch!

Let's do it, Steve!

Look! We'regonna win!

We have a winner!

The fat kid!

And his creepy Russian uncle
or whatever.

I can't believe it.

We lost.

After all the money I spent.

Capitalism let you down.

I let you down.

What?
You didn't let me down.

So... you don't care that we lost?

All I really wanted
was to spend time with you.

Congratulations,Smith.

You have bested me
for your son's affection.

You have won this cold battle,

but not the Cold w*r.

I can see now that
I rushed my revenge.

Perhaps it was the haste of a man

who longed to take his revenge
like is vodka--

in one dreadful swallow.

But I see now
I must take my time.

I will plant seeds of revenge
and let them grow.

Then I'll harvest
the vegetables of revenge.

And from those vegetables,
I will plant more seeds.

- And then you'll get your revenge?
- No, Smith.

From the third or perhaps
fourth harvest renge-plants,

I will make a vegetable stew,

and season it perfectly.

With revenge!

USA! USA! USA!

It was awesome, Mom!
We blew the other rockets away.

That's great, honey.

I just wish your father didn't spend
our entire savings on it.

Well, you got to spend money
to make money.

But you didn'tmake any money.

Then by that logic,
I didn't spent any.

Good night,everybody!

What do you want, Sergei?

Did you notice your showerhead
was on the pulse setting this morning?

No.

That was a mere appetizer
at the banquet of my revenge.

Is that all?

Some of your mail
got delivered to my house.

- It looked important.
- Thanks, neighbor.