05x37 - A Vacation in Disorientation

[bunniefuu]

Toshi Huh? A vacation?

Matsu Oh, I have one more thing to mention!

Matsu There's someone who wants to come along on your trip.

Matsu Well, he won't be that much trouble.

Matsu Just keep an eye on him if you would.

Toshi Stop them!

Toshi We can't embarrass the Shogun, the Bakufu!

Toshi We're stranded...

Toshi Forget about protecting the Shogun,

Toshi we're the ones who've been stranded.

The great Shogun, Shigeshige Tokugawa, has been lost on the ski slopes!!

Hijikata and the other stranded victims have two missions, to endure the cold and to find the Shogun.

A Vacation in Disorientation

Kagura I think it's starting to snow harder.

Gin Gonna be a blizzard tonight.

Shin Will Kondo-san and the Shogun be okay?

Gin We need to worry about ourselves first.

Gin Isn't there a hut or something around here?

Shin We wouldn't be stranded if there was.

Shin You can only be stranded when there aren't people around.

Kagura Hmm? What are they doing?

Kagura Hey, whatcha doing?

Kagura Are you looking for food, doggie?

Okita I'm not like you.

Okita I don't eat food off the ground.

Kagura Never? Never ever?

Kagura Oops, some sukonbu fell out of my pocket.

Kagura Uh oh, what should I do?

Sukonbu

Kagura Why are you two diving for the food?!

Kagura Stop it! That's embarrassing!

Gin Once it touches the ground, it's returned to the earth!

Gin The food is mine!

Kagura No, it's mine!

Toshi Hey, what are you idiots doing?

Toshi If you're going to get in the way, you should also return to the earth.

Toshi Stop playing with valuable food.

Toshi Oops, I dropped some mayonnaise.

Toshi What should I do?

Okita That takes care of the interference.

Shin Okita-san, is that a snow hut?

Okita We're not going to find any buildings out here in the middle of nowhere.

Okita And there's no guarantee that there are any caves nearby.

Okita But there's plenty of snow.

Okita In that case, we can find shelter in the snow.

Gin Oh, my. Did you hear that, Kagura-san?

Gin He's going to use snow as shelter from the snow.

Kagura I guess the baboon is turning feral on us.

Kagura How can snow possibly keep you warm?

Gin Freiza's cold-hearted att*cks won't help either.

Gin Have you forgotten how agonizing it was for Vegeta to serve Frieza,

Gin the one who destroyed his planet?!

Okita Go inside and see for yourself.

Gin No thank you.

Gin We don't want to freeze to death.

Gin Oh, sorry if you get wet,

Gin since it looks like some kind of restroom.

Toshi Just go inside!

Shin How is it, Gin-san, Kagura-chan?

Shin Huh?

Shin Gin-san? Kagura-chan?

Kagura What is this?

Kagura Oh, wow.

Gin It's so warm.

Gin And not just in a physical sense.

Gin My entire soul feels warm.

Gin It's so comfortable.

Kagura What is this?

Kagura Why do I feel this way?

Gin This is...

Gin This is almost like...

Gin ...I'm back inside my mother's womb.

Okita Well, I won't be letting you inside

Okita since you apparently have a better place to sleep.

Gin F-Fine with me.

Gin It's not like I want to sleep in such a cramped and dark place.

Kagura Can't even roll over in here.

Toshi Then get the hell out!Don't make yourself comfortable!

Gin You're the one who told us to come in!

Gin You should thank us for trying this dump out for you.

Toshi Ah! Did you just fart?!

Gin Oopsie-daisy!

Gin Okay, we'll go find our own place to sleep.

Toshi That's not the exit!

Gin Huh?

Gin The entrance was so small that I figured I should find a different way out.

Toshi That's bullshit!

Toshi You did it on purpose!

Toshi You were mad so you destroyed it!

Toshi Hey, what now?

Toshi The snow's getting worse!

Toshi We're wasting our energy here!

Toshi Are you trying to get us all frozen to death?!

Zura Hey! Over here, everyone!

Zura You shouldn't be fighting at a time like this.

Zura I'll let you all inside my snow hut!

Zura Come on!

Okita Katsura, who gave you permission to walk around?

Zura I'm getting used to this body.

Zura I did some looking around, and I came across this den.

Kagura What is this den?

Kagura Are there bears hibernating inside?

Zura Don't worry. I already chased off the beasts.

Shin Huh? There were actually bears inside?

Zura There wouldn't be bears here.

Zura It was just...

Zura Bigfoot.

Shin Bigfoot doesn't exist!

Gin Why would a mythical UMA be living out here?!

Shocking!! The giant ape Bigfoot is real?!

Gin Why would Bigfoot wear sneakers?!

Zura Well, I can't be positive

Zura since I was preoccupied at the time.

Zura It could have been a man with really big feet.

Gin No, I'll confirm it for you!

Gin Nobody has feet this big!

Sorry. It's cold, so can I stay here tonight? No? You might have a big body, but your brain is tiny, Stupidfoot!

Zura I asked him to let me stay the night, but he wouldn't listen to me.

Zura So I attached a letter to his shoe with thumbtacks,

Zura and he seemed to get the message.

Shin The wrong message!

Shin His foot's all bloody from the thumbtacks!

Zura He even left this wonderful bed.

Gin That's just a stinking sneaker!

Zura If I sleep in here, I won't freeze to death.

Zura Ow! Something's stabbing into my back!

Zura Who put a thumbtack here?!

Gin Hey! I can hear footsteps coming closer!

Shin Crap! Bigfoot-san is coming back!

Gin Run for it!

Zura Hey, where are you going?

Zura Get this thumbtack out of my back.

Zura Oh, you're back?

Zura Uh, I think it's around here.

Zura Yes, that's it.

Toshi Hey, this is looking bad.

Toshi If we don't find some sort of shelter from this blizzard,

we're all gonna freeze to death!

Otae Everyone! Over here!

Otae I found a great place!

Shin Sis!

Shin There's actually a cave here.

Toshi It's not any warmer,

Toshi but at least we won't be buried by the snow.

Otae Yes, and there's even food here.

Shin Really?

Otae Take a look.

Otae I managed to find so much food.

Shin Sis, what are those?

Otae Chupacabras.

Otae This appears to be a chupacabra nest.

Otae Beyond the chupacabras, you won't find bears or Bigfoot.

Otae Instead, you'll find the ancient city of Fazan,

Otae said to have been conquered by the chupacabras in one night!

Otae If we defeat the chupacabras and reach the core system of Fazan,

Otae we won't have to worry about being stranded anymore!

Otae All of our problems will be solved!

Otae Now, let's rise up!

Otae We must fight for our victory!

Otae I know that we can do this if we're together!

Otae Let's go!

Otae Huh?

Shin The blizzard keeps getting worse.

Shin What are we going to do?!

Shin The sun's gone down and we still haven't found shelter!

Shin We'll be popsicles in no time!

Zura Stop whining about a little cold, you babies!

Zura After Bigfoot-san stuck a bunch of needles in me,

I feel like my body's on fire!

Zura You should all come back to see Bigfoot-san with me!

Shin Hell no!

Otae We should use the cave I found.

Otae Look at this delicious fried chupacabra.

Gin She can turn unidentified creatures into an unidentified substance!

Gin Everything she touches becomes dark matter!

Shin How are we supposed to spend the night in the lair

of those scary creatures?!

Shin And even if we wanted to turn back,

Shin we wouldn't be able to see where we're going in this blizzard!

Toshi It's snowing so hard that we can't even see the smoke from the fire we left behind.

Okita I'm pretty sure the snow already put out the fire.

Okita Kondo-san and the Shogun won't know where to go.

Gin Don't worry.

Gin I'm sure that they'll return.

Gin To the earth.

Toshi Don't say that!

Toshi If anything happens to the Shogun,

everyone here will be returning to the earth!

Okita It'll be fine, Hijikata-san.

Okita I'm sure that we'll all return.

Okita The Shogun's white underwear...

Okita Our white faces...

Gin Everything will become white under this snow.

Gin Everything will return to zero!

Shin The sadists can't take it!

Shin They've already given up!

Shin Get a grip!

Shin If we don't give up, we'll find a way to survive!

Shin Isn't that right, Hijikata-san?

Toshi Tsk.

Toshi All I can say is that it doesn't get any worse than this.

Toshi But on the bright side, it can't get any worse.

Toshi We just have to climb our way out of this hole.

Toshi That's one less problem to worry about.

Shin Hijikata-san...

Toshi What?

Shin It just got worse!

Gin Why did a bear have to show up now?!

Zura C-Calm down, Gintoki!

Zura We don't have any chance of outrunning a bear!

Zura The correct course of action is to play dead!

Gin You're gonna be dead for real!

Toshi Idiot!

Toshi That's just an urban legend!

Toshi Stare the bear right in its eyes and slowly back away!

Toshi If you turn your back, it'll...

Okita Oh?

Okita That's no good, Hijikata-san.You need to watch your rear.

Okita I thought you were a bear and stabbed you.

Toshi Shit, there was someone else I didn't want to turn my back on...

Kagura Hey.

Kagura You should probably play dead.

Okita D-Damn you...

Shin What are you people doing?!

Shin This isn't the time to fight among ourselves!

Otae Shin-chan! Look out!

Otae The bear's coming for you!

Otae Shin-chan!

Otae Shin-chan!

Shogun Are you all right?

Shin Huh?

Shogun It appears that everyone survived.

Shin Th-Th-That voice...

Shin C-Could it be?!

Shogun It is I. The great Shogun,

Shigeshige Tokugawa.

Otae Shin-chan!

Otae Are you okay, Shin-chan?

Otae Shin-chan!

Kondo Man, the Shogun is really something.

Kondo He was able to find this cabin on his own and take shelter.

Kondo I was floundering around in the snow when he saved me.

Kondo Can't tell who's protecting who.

Kondo I have failed as a warrior.

Kondo I am prepared to slice open my belly.

Kondo But now that the Shogun has saved my life,

Kondo I must devote myself to ensuring that the Shogun returns safely.

Kondo What?! The Shogun!

Kondo What happened?!

Kondo What happened to the Shogun?!

Kondo And why are you all so beat up?!

Toshi U-Uh, Kondo-san. You see...

Gin We were att*cked by Bigfoot and chupacabras.

Kondo Huh?

Gin We tried to fight back, but...

Gin Damn those UMA! I'll make them pay!

Kondo UMA?! That's impossible!

Kagura It's true!

Kagura It was all the UMA's fault!

Kagura Right, Sho-chan?

Zura Yup, leader.

Kondo Damn those UMA!

Kondo Shogun, hang in there!

Kondo Shogun!

Shogun Where am I?

Shogun Why am I here?

Kondo H-Hey!

Kondo His memory's been damaged!

Shogun K-Kondo, what's happened?

Shogun Why am I here?

Gin Lord Shogun, have you forgotten?

Gin These idiots brought you to the mountains to hunt UMA.

Gin But while we were following Bigfoot's footsteps,

Gin we ran into a blizzard and got split up.

Gin We all got stranded for playing along with this farce of yours.

Shogun I can't believe this.

Shogun I've put the lives of my people in danger to satisfy an irrational whim.

Kondo No, that's not what happened!

Shogun I am not qualified to rule.

Shogun Heavens! If this storm is meant as my punishment,

Shogun I offer my meager life as appeasement!

Zura Sure, Shogun.

Kondo This wasn't your fault, Lord Shogun!

Kondo Amateurs can't predict the weather!

Kondo In any case, we should be glad that we're all together now.

Kondo Help is bound to come.

Kondo But you will have to put up with this dirty shack for now.

Gin Hey, how's that?

Gin I've managed to cover up all your crimes.

Gin Make sure you get me a reward out of this.

Kondo Most of those crimes were yours, not ours!

Kondo And none of them have been resolved yet!

Toshi Listen up, guys.

Toshi We can't do anything until this blizzard stops.

Toshi We'll probably do more harm than good

by going outside, so sit tight and wait for help.

Toshi But this shack is nothing more than four shabby walls.

Toshi It's just as cold inside as it is outside.

Toshi If you fall asleep, you'll die.

Toshi We need to huddle together for warmth.

Toshi Yell when you see someone nodding off.

Okita How are we supposed to huddle together?

Toshi We'll stand with our backs facing each other, to pool our body heat.

Toshi The center will be the warmest.

Toshi The Shogun will go there.

Toshi Then we have the girls and kids.

Toshi The men will be on the outside.

Toshi Okay, first we'll have the girls stand next to the Shogun.

Gin Hey, the Shogun's getting excited.

Gin He's got something dirty in mind.

Toshi Hey, what are they doing?

Toshi Why are they whispering in the corner?

Toshi Hurry up!

Kagura Doesn't it smell?

Kagura Like a wash rag drenched in spoiled milk.

Otae Kagura-chan, you shouldn't say that.

Toshi I'm hearing some really nasty comments!

Kagura But you're starting to tear up, boss lady.

Otae Stop that, Kagura-chan.

Otae Some things aren't meant to be said out loud...

Toshi Yeah, and you're saying them out loud!

Toshi The Shogun can hear everything you're saying!

Otae Um, I believe that the smell is coming from the fur he's wearing.

Otae I believe that he found it in this cabin.

Otae Could you ask him to take it off?

Toshi I can't do that!

Toshi We're trying to stay warm!

Toshi Except he already took it off!

Toshi The Shogun has changed his objective!

Toshi He's seeking a different kind of warmth!

Toshi Hey, the Shogun took off that fur.

Toshi Get going.

Gin Hey, hold on.

Gin Doesn't it stink?

Toshi Why are you joining in?!

Toshi He already took off the fur!

Gin Are you sure that the smell was coming from the fur?

Gin I think the smell's gotten worse.

Kagura I think this is a completely different smell.

Toshi Just stop already!

Toshi The Shogun's wearing nothing but his underwear!

Toshi What could possibly stink?!

Kondo The Shogun is pretending to stretch while checking if his armpits smell!

Kondo Stop! Don't hurt him anymore!

Gin That must be the source.

Gin Must have been all stuffed up under that fur.

Gin We'll have to ask him to take it off.

Toshi Don't be ridiculous!

Toshi It would be su1c1de to stand naked in the middle of a blizzard!

Toshi Shogun!

Toshi You don't even have an heir yet?!

Kagura That's gross. I don't wanna go near him.

Toshi Want me to k*ll you?!

Toshi He took everything off because you kept complaining!

Toshi Now huddle together!

Toshi The Shogun needs some warmth for his body and heart!

Okita Stop your whining.

Okita We don't have time to gripe about bad smells or grotesque objects.

Shin That's rude.

Shin Don't you have any tact?

Okita Fine.

Okita We'll go first.

Toshi Oh, that works.

Toshi I don't care who's first, just go!

Shin I can't smell anything.

Shin It's just a man's odor...

Kondo Lord Shogun! Have them ex*cuted!

Okita S-Sorry, China girl...

Kagura It's fine if you understand now.

Toshi It's not fine!

Toshi Why are the two of you agreeing now of all times?!

Okita Don't worry.

Okita We can't huddle together if he's naked,

Okita so let's find him some new clothes.

Kagura And they'll help to cover the smell.

Toshi Hey!

Toshi You've reduced the Shogun to a dress-up doll!

Okita How's this?

Toshi What are you trying to cover?!

Toshi Why is he wearing nothing but a turtleneck?!

Toshi The place that really needs to be covered is still exposed!

Toshi And why does this remind me of a plastic surgery commercial?!

Okita That particular region has its own turtleneck already.

Toshi Why are you grinning like an idiot?

Toshi That wasn't funny!

Kondo That settles it.

Kondo The adults will have to get things going.

Zura Change the plan so we stand next to the Shogun,

Zura while the girls and kids are outside.

Zura Here's a diagram.

Toshi Why is the censor pointing towards me?!

Gin Somebody has to do it.

Gin Don't you specialize in doing the dirty work, Shinsengumi Vice Chief?

Toshi This is too dirty!

Gin Stop bitching and start warming the Shogun's Shogun!

Toshi This is all your fault!

Toshi You should take responsibility!

Gin Zura!

Gin This is your chance to defeat the Bakufu!

Zura He's already limp!

Zura Shinsengumi!

Zura You should be ashamed of yourselves for exposing your leader!

Kondo Toshi!

Toshi Curly hair!

Gin -Zura!

Zura -Shinsengumi!

Kondo Toshi!

Toshi Curly hair!

Toshi Hey! Wait!

Kondo Look out!

A Hmm? What's that?!

B Hey! Look at that!

Yama Something's... Something's rising in the sky!

A Is that an SOS signal from Kondo-san and the others?!

Yama Hold on!

Yama That's...

Yama The Shogun?

Toshi We're warm now.

A Hey, look at him!

A Damn, he's so cool!

B He's airborne!

B Awesome!

D What? Is he a pro or something?

Both Huh?

Matsu Yes, hello?

Matsu Good work.

Matsu I guess I put you through a lot of trouble.

Matsu Yeah, he's completely hooked, so we're back again today.

Matsu But I have one question.

Matsu Is that how snowboarding works?

Next Episode There are some things you should not forget when drinking away the past year at year-end parties.

Gin Next time

Gin There are some things you should not forget

Gin when drinking away the past year at year-end parties.

We're already halfway through December. For grown-ups, this is the season for forgetting.

Drink alcohol, but don't let alcohol get the better of you. Gin-san gets drunk and makes a huge mistake?!