Go.
Go.
- Oh, um, hi.
Uh, my name is Mary
O'Reilly O'Toole O'Shea
and, uh--
Don't be nervous.
- Somewhere out there
is the island my friend Muffy owns.
It's spring break,
and she's invited us
there for the weekend.
We're waiting for the ferry
to take us there and, uh,
I don't know what else to say.
Why don't you tell
us something about yourself?
- Oh.
All right.
Something about myself.
Um, I want to work with
handicapped children,
and my parents are my best friends.
Oh, and I start convent
school next semester.
And I f*ck on the first date.
April Fool's.
Nikki, baby, you're outrageous.
Get out of here, you knucklehead.
All right.
Uh, Kit,
how about you?
- I pass.
Uh, Arch, Skip.
Where are you?
Come on.
- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
Sure, uh-huh.
I f*ck on the first date.
We did, on the first date.
Didn't we, honey?
He's an animal.
Need any help down there?
- No, Clara.
Thanks.
I'm just doing some last minute
straightening up down here.
I don't think I've worked
so hard in my life.
- You're sure you don't want me to stay?
There's gonna be nobody
around here to help
till the first ferry
back, Monday, you know.
- No.
Clara, you're a peach.
This one's mine.
I told my father I'd do it
and I will, my way.
We don't want him to have any excuses.
All right, then.
Have a nice party.
- Nice?
It's going to be better than nice.
It's going to be bloody unforgettable.
- Good luck.
Here comes the ferry.
- Is this the ferry to the St. John house?
- Yeah, any second now.
- Oh, thank goodness!
I didn't know if I was
on the right road or not.
Let me help you.
Kit Graham.
- Nan Youngblood.
- Hi.
That's Nikki Brashears.
- Are you planning on staying a while?
- No, it's just some work
for finals when we get back.
You don't know how far behind I am.
- Hi!
How's it going?
I got it.
Hi, Arch Cummings.
I've seen you around.
Jewett Hall, right?
- Chaz Vyshinsky.
You've got great legs.
- Chaz, Arch already has her bags.
- I only met Muffy this term.
In Drama Society.
I volunteered to do their costumes.
I like to sew.
Did you see her in "Ghosts"?
- No.
- Oh, she was wonderful.
She's so talented.
- Yeah, she is.
- Guy, your fly is open
and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out.
- Come on if you're coming!
- Excuse me, sir, but we're
still waiting for someone.
- This is Friday, my last run of the week.
I don't get paid overtime.
- But you have to wait because they said
this is the only way over
and if he misses this one, how is he--
- Wait up!
- Go, go, go!
- Sorry, guys.
Nik, Chaz, hi.
Rob Ferris.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Harvey "Hal" Edison Jr.
But please, call me Hal.
Only my folks call me Harve
and I just can't stand it.
Sure is pretty here, isn't it?
- You're friends with Muffy St. John?
- Sure am.
We sit together in Econ 3.45.
I let her copy my marginal utility curves.
- Oh, I get it.
That's a joke.
Harve.
- Hal Springsteen!
Still the boss!
- Okay, let's go-
We don't have all day.
You all buddies?
- Except for Skip and Nan.
Them we just met.
- But we will be.
- Careful what you say to him, though.
He's Muffy's cousin.
Oh, no kidding!
- Distant.
Over the horizon.
Otherwise I wouldn't have been invited.
Old money never mixes family with friends.
- This is true, as long as I've known her.
- To protect her family, I guess.
- No, to keep her friends.
Choose your weapons, big guy.
- Hey, what's this?
You up for a game of Stretch?
- Okay-.
- Skip, your fly's open.
Eat it!
- Ah, Rob!
Your fly is open.
Okay, don't believe me.
- Oh, nice.
- We're off.
- Bye.
First round, the Champ!
- You know what I find amazing?
Muffy's her real name.
I mean, my name's Harvey,
but they call me Hal.
So I figure Muffy must
stand for something.
Muffin?
- Muff-child, Moffo the
Muffster, Muffin' Stuff--
- Muff dive.
- Hi, what are you reading?
- Milton's "Paradise Lost".
For Professor Russo's
course on English Epic.
- Mmm.
- You know, it's a shame.
It's a dying form.
- Dying.
- Not too many people read
it nowadays, even in college.
- Really?
- What about you?
- Oh, er,
"Treasure Island: The History
of p*rn*graphy in America".
- I'm a state university boy.
I don't have the perks
Like some of you private college kids.
- No, no, no.
Don't give me that.
- First of all, I'm hoping to interview
with her daddy's company,
Southern Regional Sales,
next year before graduation.
You know, he's worth more than
50 million over the counter.
But I don't think that's
why she invited me, do you?
- I mean, my God, we're not going to be
sheltered little college
kids our whole life.
Wake up!
Smell the bacon, Nan!
It's research I can do all on my own.
And this is the best part,
I never get tired of it.
You want to take a look?
- Bruce's car was in the shop.
- That's not my point.
- Oh, my God.
We're going to spend a weekend there?
What are you a f*cking wimp?
- I'm really not that interested anymore.
- Come on, man!
Just one more.
Double or nothing.
- Enough's enough.
- What?
Are you scared?
- Hey, I said give it a rest.
- Oh, f*ck!
- I'll get him!
I'll get him!
Where is he?
- All right!
What you're looking for?
- We got them!
We got them!
Did we nail them?
- Ha ha ha.
April Fool's.
Very funny.
What the hell is wrong with you guys?
Somebody could have gotten
very hurt out there.
- At least we don't go in for
this shoe-lace-is-untied crap.
You know that.
- That was great!
sh*t!
- Okay, Buck, come on out of there.
Come on, I'm gonna need some help up here.
- Why?
I'll just do it from here.
Throw me a line.
This one?
- That's the one.
That'll work.
Thank you.
- Some hero you were.
- Look, I took off my jacket and shoes.
What the f*ck do you want from me?
There were three guys in the water.
At least I'm not all wet.
- Chaz, I'm only kidding.
- Nikki, can we borrow your towel?
Yeah.
- Hey, you guys have got to
admit, it was a hell of a trick.
- I loved it.
- Buck!
Look out!
sh*t.
Calm him down!
Calm him down!
You've got to get him to a doctor.
- Cal!
- Cal!
- Get in the boat!
They did it!
They did it!
- What's going on?
Sam, what happened?
- Tricks.
Pranks.
Ask your friends.
Is your dad around?
- No, he's in Sutton Place.
Why?
- You haven't heard
from him or anyone else?
- No.
- Look, I'm gonna have to borrow
your boat to get back to shore.
- We keep all the keys
on board in the kitchen,
but I think there's an extra
one under the cushion there.
- Look, you people, stay put, all of you.
If anything else happens,
or if anything happens to Buck,
I want to know just where to find you.
- Skip, it's not your fault.
It was an accident.
You didn't know.
- Sure.
Did you see his face?
Muffy.
Nothing bad ever happens to her.
- There's an awful lot to
be done with this place.
- You sound as if you own it.
- I will, if all goes well.
Next month when I turn 21, it's
my first stage inheritance.
- First stage?
What's your second?
- Texas.
You may be talking to
your future boss, Harve.
- Nikki, burn my bags, baby!
I am home!
Oh, yeah!
I could get really used to this.
- We used to spend all our summers here
before my mother died.
It's a very special place to me.
It's like a dream.
On a clear day,
you can see the Kennedys.
- Wow!
You guys, look at this!
Oh, Muffers, our very own place settings!
With our very own place cards
and here's our own little dolly!
- It's just like an Agatha Christie.
And sparks!
- Sporks?
- And napkins with bunnies on them.
Gee, Muffy, you really spared no expense.
- How do you think Daddy made his money?
- The old fashioned way.
He inherited it.
- I used to have all her outfits.
- Hold it!
Don't anybody move!
But before this night is
over, somebody in this room
will pull his wang.
- "My first experience was,
A, painful and degrading,
"B, not so hot, but I
really cared about him,
“C, I was ready to try again
"or D, wildly exciting.
"I had an orgasm.“
- A and part of B.
- A and B, "Painful and
degrading, not so hot,
"but I really cared about him."
That's so sweet.
- I'll take B.
"Not so hot, but
I really cared about him."
Was it Rob?
- Oh, no, it wasn't Rob.
What about you, Nikki?
- A and D, "Painful and degrading.
"Wildly exciting.
"I had an orgasm.“
Anyway, “The one thing I haven't tried yet
"but am intensely curious about is,"
"A, oral sex,"
"B, a**l entry,"
"C, S&M,
"D, group sex,"
"E, l*sbian sex,"
"or F, all of the above."
- What was C?
- Hi, my name is Mary
O'Toole O'Reilly O'Shea.
I want to go to convent
school, and things like that.
Welcome.
Welcome to my home
and "Lifestyles of the
Rich and Undeserving".
My name's Arch Cummings
and I'm on a mission here,
I'm on a mission to bed as
many women as humanly possible.
Nan's out, to be honest.
She likes the theater,
you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, she's out of those
first round draft choices,
if you know what I mean.
- A poor boy can say, f*ck you, Dad.
I'm my own person.
What's his father going to do?
Kick him out of the house?
Disinherit him?
His life won't change much.
He's got nothing to lose.
- His father's love.
- That was lost a long, long time ago.
Skip, blaming yourself
won't make Buck any better.
- Hi.
- Ta-da.
- Boy, Muffy, you sure know how
to make a guy look forward to dessert.
- Please God, let it be ding dongs.
- St. John hospitality,
taken to the extreme.
Well, I think it's real friendly.
Makes me feel right at home.
How are we going
to feel after these beans?
- You guys!
- Nan, do you want some beans?
I wonder how Buck's doing.
- You think we should call or something?
- I'll call later.
- I'm sure he's getting
the best medical care available, right?
- Guys, let's change the subject.
- Well,
Harve's got his job
interview all figured out.
What about the rest of us?
Does anyone know what they're gonna be
doing after graduation?
- Good choice, Arch.
- This is incredible.
Here we are, privileged, independent,
the hope for the future
right at this table.
Not one of us knows what we're gonna do
with the rest of our lives.
- Rob knows.
- Kit, come on.
- Rob is going to medical school.
- No sh*t.
You got early acceptance?
- We can talk about
this at some other time.
- Why?
You've already had the meeting
with your counselor, right?
- Kit, I don't think he
wants to talk about it
in front of everybody.
No, no, I don't mind.
Hey, we're all
friends here, right?
- Sort of.
- He said to forget it.
He said that my grades might be okay,
but basically I possess an
essential lack of seriousness.
And that's what they look for.
- Him too.
That's what my guy said.
I said you've got to be kidding.
How can anyone be serious about anything
when some moron can steal a b*mb
Or push a button
and nuke us all until our shadows glow?
He wasn't impressed with that.
- Oh, what's this?
Dom Perignon sparkling rosé?
- Smells like Ripple.
Outdone yourself again, St John.
- Can I make a toast?
Well,
someone once said to me
to cherish the friends
you make in college.
I try to cherish
all the friends I make.
- Stop it!
- Because, because they'll be the friends
you cherish most for
the rest of your life.
So, well, here's to us.
And here's to my life, because
I'm very glad to be here
and to be a part of all of you.
- Muffy, anything you want to add to that?
- Why me?
Because you're the hostess.
- Okay.
In his "Life of Johnson",
James Boswell said,
"We cannot predict the precise moment
"when friendships are formed.
"As in filling a vessel drop by drop,
"there is at last one
which makes it run over
"so in a series,
"so in a series of kindnesses,
"There is at last one which
makes the heart run over."
So, with this toast,
may our hearts run over
and our friendships be formed.
- All right.
Cheers!
Going down!
- Okay.
- Mmmm.
All over myself!
- Muffy!
- April Fool!
- Wow!
Is this the bridal suite?
- You like it?
I thought you needed the room.
- I'll find a use for it.
Muffy?
I know you and Arch had
something going before I met him.
- Arch is sweet, but he
only has two expressions,
collar up and collar down.
- Yeah, I found that out.
I guess what I'm trying to say now is,
you always seem to get there first,
but this time, Chaz is mine, okay?
- What about Hal?
- Harvey?
Mr Junior Achievement?
Oh, please!
Yuck!
- Don't try to tell me you hadn't thought
of me in that way, Muffy.
Why, I felt a spark between us
the first time we laid eyes on each other
in Econ 3.45.
Why, just think of it, Muffy.
With my, my talent
and your
money.
No.
- All right.
We're going to have some privacy.
You've got to be kidding.
- Unless Muffy knows
something about us we don't.
- Hold me, big fella!
Hold me!
- Just holster it, cowboy!
- Let's play Hide the Sausage.
- Pick it up!
Hold me like a
man can hold another man!
- Why, just think of it, Muffers.
With my raw, driving talent
and Your!
Your--
- Wrong room.
sh*t.
- Oh, come on!
- Rob
Are you still angry with me?
About dinner?
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm not angry at you.
I'm just,
just angry.
Ow, Jesus!
Very funny.
- Muffy!
- Arch!
- Hi, Muff!
Hi.
- Do you know what time it is, love?
- Mm-hmm.
- Goodnight.
- Real funny, you guys!
Better ride than you could give me.
- Hello?
sh*t.
Who's there?
f*ck!
Jesus Christ!
f*cking cat!
Oh, God.
- Morning.
- A nightmare about
Buck and I don't know--
Good morning.
- I was just hungry.
I must look a mess.
- Morning, Muff.
I forgot to get dressed.
- So who made her night?
- I don't know.
- Where's Skip?
- That depends what he's on.
- You guys have got to be kidding.
Have fun.
- Hey, Nan, what about it?
Come on.
- No, thanks.
Besides, I thought I'd wait to
see what Muffy wanted to do.
- Chaz.
Wedgie.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Chaz comes down.
He comes down with it.
- That's my bad knee!
- I've got Nikki, I've got
Nikki, you get the ball.
I'm covering Nikki.
I've got her.
She's covered.
Harvey, Harvey!
Good one, Harve!
Good one!
- Hey, Rob, what's wrong?
- I'm just thinking
about that meeting I had with my adviser.
I feel like I'm going nowhere.
He only said you
weren't serious enough.
- Kit, maybe it's crazy you
investing so much energy in me.
Oh yeah, sure, you feel
this way about me now.
What about a year from now,
when I'm a TV repairman
and all those other guys are--
- Rob, you're right.
- I know.
I told you.
I'm right.
- You're right.
- I know.
I'm right.
- I said I'm right.
- There's no question.
I'm right.
You're a jerk.
Oh, God!
I am.
- Come here, baby.
- Skip, you son-of-a-b*tch!
Skip!
Skip!
- Respectable young Quaker couple
returning from a quiet
afternoon of non-violent sex.
- So how was it?
- Where's Skip?
Anybody seen him?
Who wants to know?
- God damn it, can't you just
give me a straight answer!
- We just saw him down at the boat house,
he was drifting by in a boat.
He wasn't moving.
He looked dead, unless he was joking.
Well, if it was Skip--
- I saw his face, Chaz.
- Look, has anybody seen
him since last night?
Jesus Christ!
Well we'll look for him.
I'll go with you.
Come on.
I'm coming, too.
- What's happening?
Is something wrong?
- Skip!
Hey, as*h*le!
- Hey, Skip!
- Wait a minute.
Look at this.
Skip's knife.
- Think it was that guy on the ferry?
- I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
- I say we go looking for them.
Him or Skip, one of them's
got to be around here somewhere.
- You mean split up?
- Yeah.
- That's not--
- No sucker's taking me yet.
- I know why you're avoiding me.
This is your idea of a joke.
That's why you invited me here, isn't it?
Isn't it?
How did you find out?
From one of his preppy friends?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- You mean the tape just got there?
Just appeared?
You know, I thought you
wanted to be friends.
- Skip!
Skip?
Skip?
- Any sign of Skip?
- No luck here.
- Where's Arch?
He was with you.
- sh*t!
That's it!
- I don't like this.
I definitely don't think I like this.
- It's time to call the police.
- 8248.
Constable Potter has
an office at his home.
Who wants tea?
It'll relax our nerves.
Is she kidding?
- I didn't know what kind anybody
would like so I brought them all.
- Here, let me help you.
I'll get some water.
- Has he reached the constable?
- We haven't be able to get
through to the mainland yet.
- Oh, the main.
It's probably broken.
- There's no water?
- What's happening?
There's no water!
- What?
- It happens sometimes.
But there's still the well.
Jesus, I'll go.
Just point me in the right direction.
- Not without me.
- I'm not worried about those two.
Skip and Art.
They're probably playing
some kind of stupid trick.
- Yeah.
Probably.
- Is that it?
When she said well, she really meant well.
Who dug this thing?
Pocahontas?
- Here, let me do that.
I've probably had more
experience than you.
- You mean back home on the farm?
- I know you think I'm a hick,
but I'd like to change
your mind about that
if you'd give me a chance.
Why?
- Because I would really
like to plow your field.
- Draw me some water.
- Oh, crap!
- What happened?
I lost the bucket.
- Harve.
- Hal!
The rope was rotten.
Any fool could have seen that.
- You didn't.
- Would you shine the light down there.
So I can get a fix on it.
- Oh.
Nice going.
- Okay, so I spazzed out.
Now we're even.
- What do we do now?
- Look, there are little
rungs leading down the side.
- So?
- So you better get a move on.
- Are you crazy?
- I don't exactly relish the idea
of spending the entire rest
of the weekend without water.
- Well, I'm not going down there.
- Okay, fine.
- Whoa, wait a minute!
What are you doing?
What does it
look like I'm doing?
- I don't think you ought to do this.
Nikki.
- Harvey, I'm a big girl now.
I think I can handle a
few spiders and frogs.
Just be careful
down there, all right.
Watch what you're doing.
Oh, watch what I'm doing?
That's a hot one!
I can barely see a thing.
- Well just, just watch out anyway, okay?
Just be careful.
Nikki!
Nikki!
Nikki!
Hey, answer me!
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- Nikki!
Nikki!
Answer me!
Nikki!
Help!
Nikki!
Nikki!
Answer me!
Help!
Rob, Kit!
Help!
Nikki, damn it, answer me!
Nikki!
Nikki!
sh*t!
Oh, my God!
Come on!
Come on, reach!
Damn it, come on!
- It's okay now.
With the others, they were outside,
but see, we're inside, so we're safe now.
It's all because of
what happened on the ferry, isn't it?
- It was an accident.
Christ, don't they know that?
- Muffy, where do you keep your g*ns?
- g*ns?
We don't keep g*ns in this house.
Here.
- God, not the water!
- It's all right.
It's Perrier.
- Here.
- Hello.
Constable Potter, listen
man, you've got to help us.
Arch, Skip and Nan--
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
That ain't possible.
I'm telling you,
I'm at the hospital
right now visiting Buck.
- With Muffy?
What are you saying?
Yeah, all right, all right, all right.
Just please, please get here, okay?
He's on his way.
He wants us to wait
here and stay together.
- What about the ferryman?
Wasn't him.
They've been together all day.
- What?
I don't understand.
- I don't either.
He's gonna send up a flare as
soon as he's nearing the dock.
Then we go down as a
group to meet him there.
In the meantime, we just wait here.
- It's my father's study.
- I just came in to make sure
that everything was secure.
I had to lock those windows.
- Good idea.
Sometimes, with the tides,
it could take somebody all night
to get here from the mainland.
And even then, sometimes,
they don't make it.
- Yeah.
What is taking him so long?
- Maybe it's the tides.
- Wait a minute.
Aren't we supposed to be staying together?
What about Rob and Muffy?
- Rob's out back checking the doors.
- What about Muffy?
- She's acting less than normal anyway.
What do you mean?
- You mean all day and
you haven't noticed?
- Well, who isn't?
- Those nurse's shoes.
- What nurse's shoes?
- The clodhoppers she's been
walking around in today.
I mean crepe soles?
- She was arguing with Nan in the hall
before you and Rob came
back alone from the woods.
About something Nan found in her room.
Something--
What?
- Something about an ab*rtion.
- I found something in my room, too.
But I don't think it was intended for me.
- Oh, really?
- Oh, f*ck you, Chaz.
- What did you find?
- I didn't find anything.
- Uh-huh, and we're just
supposed to believe that, right?
- That's right.
I spent the night with Nikki, Harve.
What about you?
- What about me?
What's your little secret, huh?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, come on, sport-o.
I came into your room last night.
You were jumping around
like your a*s was on fire.
- That was nothing!
It was just some newspaper
clippings of some car accidents.
- Nothing personal in that I suppose?
- No!
Who hasn't had a car accident?
That's a common thing.
- I haven't.
- Oh, knock it off, Chaz!
See what I wanna know
is how did Muffy find out
about this stuff and why--
- Stop it!
Just stop it, you guys!
What's wrong with us?
What happened to our talk
about friendship and undying loyalty?
Do you know what we're saying?
We're actually sitting here,
discussing the possibility
that Muffy, a good friend of all of ours,
Has invited us all here this weekend to--
- I'm going upstairs.
- Muffy, listen, we
should all stay together.
- This is my home!
I'll be in my room.
- She does have a point there.
We're all starting to get
on each other's nerves.
- As long as we all just stay
within shouting distance of each other.
- Are you coming?
- I'm gonna find a way up to the attic.
- Why?
- I can probably see the
constable better from up there.
- It's all right.
I can keep watch on the stairs.
Nikki, come on!
"Nikki, come on!"
Don't give me any of
this "Nikki, come on".
What are you doing?
- What does it look like I'm doing?
Look, stay if you like.
Lock your door, dig a trench, hang out.
But once I leave this place,
I'm never coming back.
We're supposed
to all stay together.
Oh yeah, that
has been real effective.
- What are you going to do, huh?
Waltz down to the end
of the pier by yourself?
Check your bags with the porter
and wait for a stray
ocean liner to happen by
and pick you up?
- I can't stay here any more.
- What if the constable never even shows?
- Then I'll swim all the way back
to the mainland if I have to.
- Okay, you relax.
- Oh great, three people are dead
and you are telling me to relax.
- Nikki, just wait a minute, okay, Nikki?
Look at me.
Nikki, look at me!
Now, I know you've been through a lot.
We've all been through a lot.
Am I nervous?
Yes.
Am I a little bit scared?
Yes.
But am I running around like a chicken
with its head cut off?
- Oh, nice image.
- No!
I mean, you've got to just
lighten up a little bit.
Come on.
Hey, would the birdman of S&M worry?
- Very funny, Chaz.
- You gotta look at the
bright side of things.
Everything's going to be okay.
- Would you take that thing off?
- Okay, okay.
Ah!
How about this one, huh?
- You are such a jerk.
Oh, this is
turning you on, I can tell.
Kiss me, you savage she-devil!
- Get away from me!
Ooh, stop it stop it some more!
I love it when you're rough.
Of course, it would help
if I could breathe in here
just a little.
Nikki?
Come and get it!
Nikki?
- Oh, very subtle, Chaz.
What am I supposed to do?
Just throw off my clothes
and jump on top of you?
Just wind her up and watch her go!
You have got a lot to learn, buddy.
What is this, show and tell?
You show me yours and
I get to show you mine?
Well, forget it!
You can just take that thing
and shove it right back
in your pants, kiddo.
Chaz.
Chaz!
Oh, come on, Chaz.
Just say something.
- No one's been up here in years.
Do you see him?
No.
He must not have a light on his boat.
Or maybe he's
chosen not to use it.
- Kit, he said something else
about Muffy, on the phone.
What?
- He said not to trust anyone.
That's why we were
supposed to stay together.
No one was to be left
alone with anyone else.
And he said especially not with Muffy.
- What did he mean by that?
- I don't know.
He wouldn't explain.
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?
Think about it.
He's known her a lot longer than we have.
Wait, wait, Rob.
What's that?
Just the dolls.
Rob, she's been up here.
So?
Rob!
Jesus!
Rob.
- It's Arch, Skip and Nan.
What are the two over there?
He's here.
Come on.
Harvey!
- Nikki!
Nikki!
Harvey!
Harvey!
- Rob!
- I can't find Harvey.
- I can't find anyone.
Nikki's door is locked.
Rob, it was locked.
- What about Muffy?
- Forget her!
- She's my friend!
Muffy!
Muffy!
Muffy, open the door!
- Come on!
Constable Potter?
Constable Potter?
Constable Potter?
Hey, wait, Rob.
Don't go in there.
- If there's another flare, we can signal.
- Maybe he already went
back up to the house.
- sh*t, there's no key.
- Oh, damn!
Wait, wait, Rob.
- "State Hospital.
"Pursuant to our previous communications,
"please be advised that the
patient under discussion
"has still not been found
and returned to custody"
"and is now believed to be attempting
"to return to her home
in your jurisdiction.
"If encountered, exercise extreme caution
"and notify us immediately
"as Miss St John has been a
patient here for three years"
"and is still considered
incorrigibly unstable
"and extremely dangerous."
- Miss St. John?
Muffy hasn't been in an
institution for three years.
She's been at Vassar.
- We've got to get this boat started.
- How?
- Oh.
The house.
Didn't Muffy say there
was a key in the kitchen,
back in the house?
- Oh, Rob, I can't go back up there.
I can't go back there.
- Kit, we've got no choice.
We've got to go back.
- Rob, look.
The doors.
They've been closed.
- There.
That's how we're going in.
Here, hold this.
Here.
Where are the stairs?
- What's that?
Rob, look.
Oh, my God!
It's Muffy's clothes!
I don't get it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- What?
- What's that?
- I don't know.
- Oh, my God!
The picture of the girls in the study,
that letter,
And what the constable
was trying to tell you!
It's not Muffy!
It's her twin sister, Buffy!
She's got a twin sister!
Rob, don't you see?
Rob!
Oh, my God!
Rob, I can't--
- Pull it away.
The boat key?
It's got to be here.
- Where is it?
- The wall!
The key board?
Jesus!
Look in the cupboards!
- I can't find it!
- Damn it!
Where is it?
Kit!
Let me out, Kit!
- Let me out, Kit.
- No!
Rob!
Buffy!
- Run, Kit, run!
Please, just leave us alone, okay?
Please, we're just going to go home now.
Enough!
Stop!
Babe!
- Please just let us leave.
Buffy, you can stop now.
Stop!
No, Buffy, no!
- I love you, Kit!
- Please.
No.
Please, just leave us alone!
Please.
Just let us go, please.
No!
No!
No!
Oh, ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
That's really funny, you guys!
Really funny!
f*ck you!
- Kit, I love you!
Kit!
I love you!
- I love you, too, babe.
April Fool!
- Kit, Kit!
- You guys are so terrific.
I love you all.
I want to thank you from
the bottom of my heart
for being such good sports.
- Oh yeah, sure.
Quite welcome.
Any time.
- Rob, you and Kit, you two were the best.
You figured it all out.
The clues.
They really worked.
- What clues?
- What's this all about?
And don't anyone say April Fool's again
or I'll rip them apart.
April Fool.
- I tell ya.
It's a script for a weekend special.
It's going to help me keep the house.
Look, next month I get the house
as part of my mother's inheritance.
It's true.
But only if I could show my father
that it could carry itself,
What with taxes and expenses and all.
Otherwise, he's gonna
sell out of the family.
So I decided to turn
it into a country inn.
But not just a stuffy old,
run-of-the-mill country inn.
One that specializes in offering
a once-in-a-lifetime whodunnit weekend.
I needed a rehearsal.
I had to try my idea out on somebody.
- So you guys all had
a part in this, right?
- Don't look at me.
- No, we got sucked into this
just as badly as you did.
- Once you were all k*lled off, yes.
But everybody had to co-operate
or none of it would have worked.
- So I guess there's no
twin sister, Buffy then?
- There is a crazy twin, all right,
But his name isn't Buffy.
- His name?
- Skip?
- He's your brother?
- You b*stard!
You were in on the whole deal too!
- Only the set up.
Muffy told me to say I was her cousin
so we could pull the prank on the ferry.
And I had no idea what
was gonna happen to Buck.
- Buck Williams, make-up
artist par excellence.
- I've got something for you, big guy.
Here, catch!
These were just old props that I redressed
with some of the help
from Muffy's photographs.
- Sure fooled me.
- So, I take it this isn't the constable.
- Kit Graham, I want you to
meet my uncle, Frank St. John,
Of St. John et Fréres, Wall Street.
- Hi.
Harvey "Hal" Edison Jr.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
- How did I do?
I've never done no acting before.
I was really shaking!
- Oh.
Cal is our regular ferryman
between the mainland and
the islands around here.
But I thought he was up
to the dramatic challenge.
- Argh!
- Muff, you were so lucky.
You could have gotten yourself k*lled.
- Well, I nearly did
with Harve over there.
And who could have known about the snake
in the woods with Arch?
But with the paying guests,
they're gonna know what they're in for
and the scenario won't
be nearly so extreme.
I do regret
some of the fake clues that
I put into the bedrooms
were taken a bit too seriously,
and I'm sorry about that.
But we had fun, didn't we?
Come on!
I'm never gonna forget this
weekend as long as I live.
- You're telling me.
When I was out there
swinging in the woods,
I nearly crapped my pants!
- What do you mean, nearly?
I was there, remember?
- Arch, you browned your trousers?
- Well, you know, I was--
- It's all right, Arch.
They'll be out of the dryer soon.
♪ Mama told me not to come ♪
♪ Mama told me not to come ♪
- Drink, drink.
- Meet a good friend of mine.
♪ Mama told me not to come ♪
♪ Mama told me not to come ♪
♪ That ain't the way to have fun ♪
♪ That ain't the way to have fun ♪
- Oh God!
No!
- April Fool.
♪ Too bad you're crazy ♪
♪ Too bad you're loony as hell ♪
♪ So long, it could've
been swell together ♪
♪ Too bad you're wacko ♪
♪ How sad your marbles are gone ♪
♪ We could be dancing till dawn ♪
♪ But you're too weird for words ♪
♪ How did you get so strange ♪
♪ You were such a beautiful kid ♪
♪ Now you are so deranged ♪
♪ Was it mom and daddy ♪
♪ Something they did ♪
♪ Too bad you're loco, too bad ♪
♪ You should be locked in a cell ♪
♪ How sad you're great ♪
♪ But, hey, what the hell ♪
♪ You're crazy ♪
♪ You're off the deep end, bon voyage ♪
♪ Your life's a practical
joke, till damage ♪
♪ I'd bail you out, but I'm broke ♪
♪ Your brain's completely fried ♪
♪ Life's just a party trick to you ♪
♪ Clown jokes and lots of whoop-de-doo ♪
♪ It's time to put that on the shelf ♪
♪ Loving you is a three-ring circus ♪
♪ You do look fetching, too bad ♪
♪ It could be catching, egads ♪
♪ I'm a little bit crazy my ♪
♪ Just a little bit crazy my ♪
♪ I'm a little bit crazy myself ♪
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