08x26 - Hello Bikini Bottom!

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

All: aye, aye, captain!

- I can'’t hear you.

All: aye, aye, captain!

- ♪ Ohh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

All: spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

all: spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

all: spongebob squarepants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

all: spongebob squarepants! - Ready?

All: spongebob squarepants!

Spongebob squarepants!

Spongebob squarepants!

- Spongebob

squarepants!

[Laughing]

♪

[Waves crashing]

[lilting ukulele music]

♪

- [Slurps]

maybe I'’ll... Practice my clarinet.

Ah-he-he-hem.

[Playing jazzy tune]

♪

- Kind of sounds like squidward'’s practicing

his clarinet over there, doesn'’t it, gary?

Gary?

Well, I can'’t just stand by and let him practice alone.

Then what kind of a friend and neighbor would I be?

Not that kind that i... [Metal twangs]

would want.

[Porthole creaks]

[strumming harmoniously]

hi, neighbor!

♪

- Grrr!

[Playing faster]

♪

[Blaring high note]

[growls and jabbers]

- should we take it from the top?

- The day I willingly practice

my musical art with you

is the day I grow hair on my--

[clapping]

- [chuckles] like, bravo, man! Bravo!

- And who might you be?

- ♪ I'’m glad you asked ♪

♪ I'’ll make it perfectly clear ♪

♪ I'’m the guy you made smile from ear to ear ♪

♪ '’cause a sweet sound'’s coming from this here direction ♪

♪ the entire ocean should hear ♪

♪ now what I am proposing to you ♪

♪ is something I feel it is my duty to do ♪

♪ I'’m not just an admirer and passer-by ♪

♪ I wanna be a concert-promoting manager guy ♪

- ♪ are you serious? Is this a dream? ♪

- ♪ Colonel carper'’s the name ♪

♪ I think we'’d make a great team ♪

♪ you and your musical compadre up there ♪

♪ are the next big thing, I do solemnly swear ♪

♪ so... What are we waiting for? ♪

♪ It'’s high tide time ♪

♪ we go on tour

♪ together we'’ll set sail ♪

♪ on a magical musical journey ♪

[crowd cheers]

♪ where you'’ll play for at least a trillion ♪

♪ and that guy on that gurney ♪

[bell dings]

[fans scream] - ♪ screaming fans

♪ will insistently clap their hands for more ♪

♪ as you fly through the air ♪

♪ doing your fourth encore ♪

♪ and remember to bring your rake ♪

♪ '’cause neptune only knows ♪

♪ the money we'’ll make ♪ [cha-ching]

[bang]

- ♪ did someone say money?

♪ I could swear that'’s what I heard ♪

♪ I'’ve got super sensitive hearing ♪

♪ when it comes to that word ♪

- ♪ yes, he said money

♪ but more importantly he said ♪

♪ fa-a-a-ans

♪ and not the type that blows air ♪

♪ when you'’re feeling too hot ♪

♪ the type that wants your autograph ♪

♪ on everything they'’ve got ♪

- signature, mr. Tentacles?

- ♪ And I heard the word "team" ♪

♪ which is special to me

♪ '’cause through the power of music ♪

♪ there'’s no way we won'’t get ♪

♪ to bond together

♪ in this special duet

both: ♪ so...

♪ What are we waiting for?

♪ It'’s high tide time ♪

♪ we went on tour

- uh, excuse me.

Is there any way I could do this tour

as a soloist?

- Hmm, let me think about that for a second.

None...

[Falsetto] ♪ whatsoever

♪ the tour must consist-- and I do persist ♪

♪ of the tall one with halitosis ♪

♪ and the square one with the talented wrist ♪

- ♪ a dream wrapped in pain

♪ I don'’t know whether to smile or pout ♪

- ♪ excuse me, colonel

♪ I'’ll be taking over from here on out ♪

- ♪ but it was I who discovered ♪

♪ this soon-to-be-famous pair ♪

♪ and I'’m the one who knows ♪

♪ what it takes to get them there ♪

♪ you'’ll need a tour bus, venues ♪

♪ gotta build a buzz

♪ you need equipment and roadies too ♪

♪ I'’m the expert of all things ♪

♪ concert-promotionally speaking ♪

♪ you have no inkling

♪ you have no clue

[whirring]

- ♪ thanks for all the great tips ♪

♪ I think you should be on your way ♪

♪ good-bye

♪ good luck have a nice day ♪

♪ so...

♪ What are we waiting for?

♪ It'’s high tide time ♪

♪ we went on tour!

Up and at '’em, boys.

We got a tour to put on.

- [Grunting]

whew! Changing the oil in the school busmobile

sure is a pain in the-- [engine rumbles]

what the--

stop!

Thief!

[Tires screech]

- morning, squidward.

[Grunts]

tour bus, sound equipment-- check.

All I need now is a...

"Roadie".

Now, where in neptune'’s net am I ever gonna find a--

[clatter]

- somebody left this thing

laying around the parking lot.

- Roadie--check.

[Heavy metal music playing]

here we are, boys-- our first gig.

All those people are lined up

to see you.

- Sounds like a load of hooey.

- All right, roadie. Start unloading the hooey.

- Uh, mr. Krabs, where do I put this?

- Anywhere'’s fine. - Then what about this?

- Hey, look, it'’s ned and the needlefish!

[Crowd cheering and shouting]

- hi, guys!

- Well, well, well.

If it isn'’t that guy who stole my band.

I hope you aren'’t here to steal this band too,

because this time around, I'’ll be ready for ya.

- Well, that'’s very interesting, colonel carper.

But right now, my band and I are on a world tour,

and tonight, we'’re opening for ned and the needlefish.

- [Laughing]

- [chuckles] yeah, wha--

uh, what'’s so funny?

- You are!

And the fact that you think you have any idea

what it takes to put on a musical tour.

- We have a tour bus, sound equipment,

a roadie--

- you call that a tour bus?

You call this sound equipment?

That'’s not a roadie. These are roadies.

- [Screams]

- I'’ll tell you what.

I'’ll let you open for ned and the needlefish

on one condition:

my roadies get to sabotage your sound equipment

and have it blow up during your sound check.

- Wait a minute. What'’s that gonna cost me?

- Oh, that'’ll be free.

- Deal.

Okay, mr. Squidward. Take it from the top.

[Jazzy clarinet music]

[boom]

doggone it.

- [Cackling]

now you don'’t have any sound equipment,

unlike me, who has this entire wall of speakers

you see right behind me.

[Cackles]

now your whole tour is ruined!

[Laughing]

seriously, I can'’t-- I can'’t take it.

It'’s too much.

[Giggling]

- it sure was nice of that colonel carper guy

to let us borrow his entire wall of sound equipment,

wasn'’t it, mr. Krabs?

- Well, here we are-- our next gig.

- We'’re performing at a supermarket?

Driver, turn this bus around.

The tour is cancelled.

Head straight back to the krusty krab.

- Sorry, squidward, but that is physically impossible.

- What?

- Because it'’s not there anymore.

- The krusty krab'’s not there anymore?

Where'’d it go?

- I pawned it to raise the cash

for the concert tour.

- You did <span>what?!</Span>

- yeah, hard to believe, I know.

Me heart aches when I think of me old girl,

cold and lonely,

just sitting in the front window of that dirty pawn shop,

at the mercy of any random joe

who just happens by.

- [Whistling happily]

[gasps]

hoppin'’ hamburger stands!

I gotta go home and get my wallet.

- It'’s not even my restaurant,

and somehow I regret that decision.

- Hey, now, quit your worrying back there.

With the success we'’re about to have,

we'’ll be able to buy ten krusty krabs.

- A-one, and a-two,

and a-one, two, three, four.

[Cheerful tune]

[cash register ringing]

♪

[Nuts rattling]

♪

[Cans clanking]

[carts clattering]

♪

[Chips scraping rhythmically]

[chips crunching rhythmically]

[corn popping]

[bread making accordion sounds]

[pretzel whistling]

[song ends, pretzel whistling continues]

- thank you. Thank you very much.

Oh, come on! Nothing?

- What a happy celebration.

- I most certainly agree.

- Why, thank you,

mr. Supermarket manager.

- Here you go.

- What'’s this? Our paycheck?

- No, it'’s a bill. - What?

- You'’re kidding me, right?

We'’re performing at a retirement home?

- Oh, don'’t worry, squidward.

These geezers really know how to party.

- Oh, yeah, they'’ve got one foot in the rave.

Ha. Ha, ha.

Reaper jokes.

[Wheels squeaking]

two, three, four, an--

[squeaking continues]

two, three, four.

[Cheerful tune]

- too loud!

You'’re playing too loud!

- Sorry, sir.

- [Quietly] okay, two, three, four.

[Soft cheerful tune]

- too loud! Still too loud!

[Very soft]

still too loud!

Too loud!

It'’s too loud!

Too loud!

- Supermarket openings, retirement homes...

What'’s next, a child'’s birthday party?

[Light carousel music]

♪

[Kids shouting and laughing]

this is our worst gig yet.

Children'’s parties!

Well, if this is the way this tour is being organized,

then I would like t--

[poink] yeeooooow!

I am not a donkey fish!

- Mr. Krabs, how much farther is it

to the next town?

- Uh, not too much farther, squidward.

Oh, in fact, we'’re just entering it now.

[Tires screech]

- well, if this concert is anywhere near as terrible

as the other ones,

then it'’s going to be my last.

What the--

electronics outhouse?

Good-bye.

- This ain'’t our next concert.

- Well, then, where is it?

- It'’s, uh, uh, um...

[Crowd chattering]

well, it'’s right over there, obviously.

[Tires screech]

I'’ll just leave the three of you right here

to get set up.

I got some important tour manager business

to attend to, you know.

- Hold it.

This better not be one of your tricks, mr. Krabs.

[Tires screech]

- [whistling cheerfully]

[heavy metal music playing]

- hey, look, man.

"Ned and the needlefish, next turn."

- Whoa. It'’s like a sign from...

A sign, man.

Wow.

We have really moved down in the world.

[Cheers and applause]

[ukulele string tuning]

- isn'’t this the most exciting experience

of your entire life, squidward?

- Yeah, I never thought I'’d get to perform

for so many fans.

- Oh? Are there people showing up?

- Isn'’t that what you were talking about?

- [Crowd chanting] ned and the needlefish!

Ned and the needlefish! Ned and the needlefish!

- Ah, just soak that in, squiddy, old boy.

It'’s pretty invigorating, isn'’t it?

Wait a minute.

Why are they chanting, "ned and the needlefish"?

- No, can'’t you hear them, squidward?

They'’re saying, "squid-ward and sponge-bob,

squid-ward and sponge-bob!"

- [Crowd chanting] ned and the needlefish!

- Squid-ward and sponge-bob.

[Crowd stops chanting] squid-ward and--

[reverb]

- that doesn'’t look like ned and the needlefish.

[All booing]

- wait, I know what you came here for.

[Cheerful tune]

♪

Well?

- Chase '’em off stage!

[Crowd roars] - uh-oh.

[Crowd growling and shouting]

[heavy metal music] - ♪ ohhh

- '’scuse me, could one of you

show me how to use this multi-meter?

- Uh, he probably can.

- Thanks.

- Mr. Krabs!

- Do I know you?

- Colonel carper!

- Were we in the navy together?

- No, we were not.

- Whew. That'’s good, '’cause for a second there,

I thought that maybe--

- your shenanigans, sir,

are at an end!

Oh, yes!

And you will be receiving a friendly little phone call

from my attorney,

because I am suing you for every last dime.

- Wait a minute!

Where do you think you'’re going

with your own equipment?

- Hey, thanks again, fellas.

Huh. Nice guys like them

don'’t come around much these days.

They even redecorated the tour busmobile for us.

- Mr. Krabs!

- How'’d the show go, boy?

- Oh, the crowd went wild, sir.

- In fact, they'’re still going wild.

[Crowd growling and shouting]

- quick, on the bus!

[Footsteps thunder]

- well, that wasn'’t a complete waste of time.

Oh, no, wait. It was.

- [Sniffling]

now I'’ll never get me old krusty krab

out of hock.

[Sobbing]

- mr. Krabs!

[Tires screeching]

[all screaming]

[crash]

- good news, boys.

We only sustained a flat tire.

Patrick, go get the spare, lad.

- Uh...oh.

Yeah, I can'’t.

- What do you mean, you can'’t?

- Well, uh-- - no, no, wait.

Let me guess.

You ate the spare tire.

- Wow. You'’re good at guessing.

- Patrick, why didn'’t you just ask me?

You know I always bring some tiny snack-size tires

for in between meals.

You know, I'’m kind of hungry now, actually.

Mm. Squidward?

[Gulp] they'’re fat-free.

- Mr. Krabs, I'’d like some money for cab fare.

- But, mr. Squidward-- - but nothing.

I'’m going home.

Now put some cash in my hand so i--

- [wailing]

but I don'’t have any money left!

Not even a nickel!

It'’s all gone!

The krusty krab is gone!

- Forget it.

I'’ll just walk.

- [Sobbing] - wait, squidward.

Squidward!

You can'’t go. Please.

Don'’t you see?

The krusty krab needs us more than ever.

- I could care less what the krusty krab needs.

Now get out of my way.

Ow. Ow.

Owwww!

Ow.

- Squidward, are you okay?

- Get your hands off me.

Agh! Oof! Daaaah!

- Squidward-- - don'’t.

[Sad tune]

- ♪ squidward

♪ you must look inward

♪ and then I'’m sure that you will see ♪

♪ what an awesome band we still could be ♪

♪ please, oh, please

♪ don'’t quit on us now ♪

♪ I cannot allow this to be our last bow ♪

♪ now now now, no no no ♪

♪ nay nay nay, na na na ♪

♪ ne-ne-never give up

♪ don'’t ever give up ♪

♪ we can'’t let mr. Krabs go bankrupt ♪

♪ we must keep busy

♪ never giving u-uuup

- ♪ how did I not see this plan ♪

♪ was a failure from the start? ♪

♪ Being around spongebob

♪ is bad for my heart

♪ and that'’s not even the worst part ♪

♪ supermarkets, retirement homes ♪

♪ birthday parties for kids

♪ my career in music really feels ♪

♪ like it has hit the skids ♪

♪ I give up

♪ there is no point

♪ I give up

♪ mr. Krabs will have to go bankrupt ♪

♪ while I'’m busy ♪

♪ bitterly giving up

- ♪ don'’t you see? ♪

♪ Mr. Krabs needs us terribly ♪

♪ we'’ve got it in us to be a huge success ♪

♪ you and I can'’t settle for less ♪

♪ I

♪ promised myself not to shed this tear ♪

- ♪ it'’s getting really cold out here ♪

♪ and I'’m miles from home ♪

♪ it would appear

♪ and my feet are hurting

♪ oh dear, I fear

♪ this tentacleitis is pretty severe ♪

- ♪ wah wah wah wah wah

- ♪ I should probably give up ♪

♪ on this giving up today

♪ this is the part where I turn around and play ♪

- ♪ this is the part where I stand up and play ♪

both: ♪ take a deep breath

♪ in an emotional way

[taking deep breaths]

♪ '’cause with my instrument ♪

♪ is how I say

[inspiring tune]

♪

[Fireworks explode]

- wow, that was actually kind of good.

[Crowd cheering]

- amazing!

- Fantastic!

- Unbelievable!

They'’ve actually gathered a crowd.

To think all these people came out

to the middle of the desert

to see squidward and spongebob.

- Or they came to see the meteor shower

that passes through the aurora borealis,

generating a stunning, once-in-a-lifetime light show.

All: ooh.

Ahh.

- Thank you. Come again, please.

[Cha-ching]

[chuckles]

- look, here comes mr. Krabs.

Squidward and I just performed for a crowd

of adoring fans.

- That'’s nice.

I just made more money than I know what to do with.

[Laughs]

- well, it looks like they could help you

figure it out.

- Who?

"'’Get paid back from mr. Krabs'’ line starts here."

[Sniffles]

[gulp]

- well, well, well.

It looks like this is the end of the line for you,

both literally and figuratively.

[Laughs]

- what do I owe you money for?

- Well, let'’s see.

How about damaged sound equipment,

lost revenue, and just because?

- I don'’t owe you a nickel.

- No, you owe me a million nickels.

Roadies, it'’s collectin'’ time!

- Collecting ti--?

- [Laughing maniacally]

yeah!

[Laughs]

okay, boys, our work here is done.

- [Sobbing]

well, krusty krab, I guess...[Sniffles]

this is good-bye.

[Groaning] oh, why?

Why?

- Don'’t cry, mr. Krabs.

Here, you can have the money

from gary'’s college fund if it'’ll...

Help.

- [Groaning]

[crash]

well, spongebob,

you ready to get back to doing what we do best?

- I'’m ready!

- That'’s me boy.

- Hello, sir.

I'’d like to purchase the krusty krab restaurant

you have in your w-w--

where is it?

- Oh, sorry, sir.

I just sold it a minute ago.

But we do have this slightly used taco stand for sale.