07x12 - B=MC2

[bunniefuu]

Loudspeaker: Ben Seaver get your hollow head in here!

Ben: Sir, I was just repeating what everyone else was saying.

What are you planning to do?Stage a fake fire drill?Fire a smoke b*mb?Hire a stripper?

Ben: Sir, if I could afford a stripper, I like...

Ben: I am not playing anything.I signed from the test because I really wanna take it.

Ben: Yes!I am, that's why I wanna take the test.

Ben: Sure I am doing much better than Sparky!?

Ben: Please, check my grades!

Ben: All I've been cracking are these books, if you don't believe me, please ask my teachers.

Ben: Sir, I haven't tampered with anything!I swear that I Ben Seaver am a 3.0 student.Believe me!

Carol: Brianne!What are you doing?

Brianne: Carol, I'm tired of being selfish, I have made a decision that will change both of our lives!

Carol: You're gonna pick up your toe nails after you clipped them?

Brianne: No!I finally realize this time I give a little back. So I am talking a job in Africa.

Carol: You are going to work in a third world country?

Brianne: I'm not sure what number it is.

Carol: Well, will you be working in hospitals?Building homes?Farming?

Brianne: Better: I'll be teaching low-impact aerobics at a Club made in Senegal!

Carol: Brianne, I don't know what to say?

Brianne: Oh, you're gonna miss me!

Carol: That hardly describes it!

Brianne: I got a plane to catch!

Carol: Brianne, I will never forget you!

Brianne: Don't you cry.Oh I'll be strong.

Carol: It's over!She's gone!L-ladies and gentlemen, Brianne has l-e-f-t the building.

Luke: Hey what's shaking?

Ben: I am playing a game of hide-n-eat with Chrissy.

Luke: Isn't it hide and seek?

Ben: Well, you play your way I'll play mine.

Luke: The advanced placement exam.Whooo smart guy!

Ben: Keep it down, I don't want mom and dad to know.If I fail, nobody will be the wiser.

Mike: Hey guys, where is dad? I need to hit him up for a loan before he meets with his account.

Jason: Do you think I am made of money?

Mike: Phew.Too late...

Carol: You guys will never guess what happened. Brianne moved out and I am gonna be alone for the rest of this semester.

Mike: Carol wake up, you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life.

Carol: You guys can laugh if you want but I am here to pack up and leave this place forever.You've seen this face for the last time.

Luke: Does anyone wanna feel that one?

Mike: Great, we will play numb!May I remind you that Carol is very important to us?

Luke: Er, You're right, she is your sister.

Mike: Well, to heck with that, she's got a room that you could have.

Carol: Absolutely, it's yours!Carol does not live here anymore.

Mike: Great.Hey you better get the car, we'll just throw your jacket out the window.

Luke: This is great, as soon as I get back from the library I am moving in.

Chrissy: I think you never find me.

Ben: I think so, too.

Ben: Oooh, really?Oooh, coats!

Chrissy: Ten, twenty, thirty, thirty, thirty, hundred!Aw, I am not falling for that.

CPA: I realize I am a licensed CPA, but I'll try to explain it in layman's terms: If you don't send bills you don't get paid!

Jason: Well, Carol used to input my data on computer, now she's away at college.

CPA: Can't one of your other kids help?

Jason: Ugh yeah, Mike's too busy, Chrissy's five, and Ben, he's a sweet kid but let's face it, he's no Einstein.

Jason: Oh, you're driving a Lamborghini?

CPA: I am not behind in my billings.

Jason: Can I honk the horn?

Chrissy: Alright he wouldn't.He might?!This is where I hid!How stupid can you be?

Ben: Ask dad.

Dwight: I was just admiring the pitch of your roof.It's been said, people have been stating up there all this time.

Mike: Uhm, believe it or not, you're the first!Hehe, uh, are you a uh roofer?

Dwight: Oh no!It's only a hobby.

Mike: I see.

Dwight: I am your new neighbour!Do you know the neo-Victorian House?

Mike: The what?

Dwight: With the renaissance influence!

Mike: What're you talking about?

Dwight: This tree, three houses down...

Mike: Oh!Oh, uh, I um, a little advice, if you ever order pizza, just give'em your address.

Dwight: hahaha.

Mike: Hehehe, let me take a wild shot, you're a friend of Carol's right?

Dwight: Carol?Carol?Uh-haah , ooooooooh, I can say that name for hours.

Mike: Well, please don't, uh, I just ate.Ok?

Mike: Hey, Go down, the librarian!

Carol: Dwight?

Dwight: Ru-hoo.You're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen.

Carol: Dwight, where did you come from?

Dwight: This tree, three houses down...

Carol: The neo-Victorian House with the renaissance influence?

Dwight: Yes!I rented a month ago to be near you while I work on my PhD in medieval studies.

Carol: But we have not even spoken since the dance of the Catskills.

Dwight: Don't you remember that I told you then that I'd be moving to Long Island so that we could be together!

Carol: You said, "See you around!"

Dwight: Right, and then the next day I moved here.

Carol: You moved here a month ago to be near me, and this is the first time that you've come over?

Dwight: I didn't wanna appear to forward.

Carol: Wow.You know, nobody has ever changed their zip code for me.They probably went out the door for me.I don't know what to say!

Dwight: I knew it.I am arsing you.Pushee pushee pushee!I'll come back next month!

Carol: No, wait, I think it's sweet!And I'm glad you tracked me down.

Dwight: Groovy, hehe.

Dwight: Would you like to come to my house and listen to some Gagarian Chants?

Carol: You have them on CD?

Dwight: No, I sign them.

Carol: Groovy.

Ken: Hey, yo, Ben, What's up?

Ben: Nothing.

Ken: You look like you fell outta your twin bubble-a-zaggin. Did you know I got this study guide for advance placement exam and it's not as hard as we thought, listen to this:

Ken: Three boys share three quart canteen of oar.If the first boy drinks twice as much as the other two what do they each gain.

Ben: A mouth full of backwash.

Ken: What's with you?Yesterday you were all pumped up about taking the test.

Ben: Yeah, well, that was before I played hide-n-seek.

Luke: Okay, first time we'll move all the k*lled-stuff animals to the attic, I am gonna get rid of all those dead flowers, and then we are gonna get one of those pictures of dogs playing poker.

Mike: Oooh, oooh, oooh, don't get too light, I need a birthday present for Kate.

Black Dude: This is my ticket to a good university, I don't wanna end up Alf Landen Junior College. You know their entrance exam is guessing the number of beans in a jar!

Luke: Um, Mike, quit the Alf Landen.

Mike: For your information, that bean thing isn't half as easy as it sounds!

Ben: Teet-eet!

Jason: Hey guys, I could use some assistance for firewood.

Mike: Sorry no can do, Luke and I got a few minutes to get Carol's room.

Jason: Oh Ben, could pick four or five good dry logs please?

Jason: Ken, you wanna come in for some hot chocolate?

Jason: Awww, study, but to my boys study is just a room where Mrs.Peacock k*lled girl Mustard with a lead pipe.

Ken: Well, you wanna get together and review this tomorrow?

Ben: We'll see.

Carol: (chuckles) We can't believe we just spent the last six hours together!

Dwight: I know I know it only seemed like two hours and thirty eight minutes!

Carol: It's amazing how much we have in common.I can't believe somebody actually knows all the presidents' birth stones.

Dwight: I have to be honest with you; Millard Fillmore's Turquoise was just a lucky guess.

Dwight: Carol, I've never felt such an intense connection with anyone else before.I am on fire.

Carol: Me too.I can feel the electricity flowing through my body.I can't wait another minute.

Dwight: Oh-hoo.

Carol: Me too.

Carol: Oh no! I just packed up all my stuff for them to give-away, I am telling my family they'd never see me again. To-mo-rrow it is.

Maggie: Carol, I thought you'd gone to New York!

Carol: Mother, the most amazing thing has happened.Do you remember Dwight Halliburton from the Catskills?

Maggie: The one who kept hitting himself in the head?

Carol: Right, and guess what: Now he's doing it in our neighbourhood.He has uprooted his whole life to move near me.

Carol: So, I have to stay here tonignt

Maggie: I heard you gave your room to Luke today.

Carol: Oh, well that's ok, I ,uh, I'll sleep on a foldable, sleep on a roof, If I can get any sleep at all. I am soaring like a bird, dancing like a breeze.

Maggie: Chattering like a baboon.

Carol: Oh Mike, you are so funny!

Jason: Oh, no no no Ben not like that.I thought I told you to get dry ones Ben?Go get a couple more please, use your head.

Maggie: Hey Ben, just the guy to test-taste the hot chocolate.

Ben: I am not thirsty.

Chrissy: I'll take his.He should not have all that sugar anyway.

Maggie: Jason, what's wrong with Ben?

Jason: Maggie that's such a broad question.

Maggie: No, tonight, first he did not touch his dinner, then he passes up hot chocolate!For Ben that's quiet.

Jason: He's fine, I saw him on the ground goofing up with Kenny just a couple of minutes ago.

Jason: Aw, perfect, yes, dry ones!Now, they'll go like that.Right, that, that's a fire.

Blondie: Can I help you?

Carol: Is D-wight here?

Carol: Well, roof, pitch, nibble, Well I hope you both chew!

Jason: Oh h* h*, what happened here?

Maggie: Carol made muffins for her new boyfriend.

Jason: Ah, Carol's got a new boyfriend, Boo, muffins?So who's this new boyfriend of Carol's?

Maggie: Well you remember Dwight, the one I fox-trotted with at Catskill's?

Jason: Oh, haha the one who hits himself a lot.

Maggie: Uhm, I got a hunch this could be the one.I've never seen Carol act this way over a boy before?

Jason: Hey, Morning sweetheart? Oh you didn't tell me about this new boyfriend?

Carol: Boyfriend?I have no boyfriend.

Jason: I thought Dwight?

Carol: Dwight?Please!Just give me a little credit, since when does Carol Seaver have to lower her standards for a fork-tongued medieval maggot!

Jason: Sorry my mistake.

Carol: And another thing: As of this moment, Carol Seaver does not live here anymore.Ich bin ein New Yorker!

Jason: Jawohl!

Ben: Carol, can I ask you something?

Carol: Ben, this is not a good time.

Ben: Do you think I'm dumb?

Carol: Yes!

Ben: Well, it's a serious question.Do you think I am stupid?

Carol: Ben, you're dumber than used chewing gum, you have the IQ of a saw, doesn't even your dryer set to fluff, you need anymore I'll have to get back to you.

Mike: Heh!

Mike: Well, it's nice to see you too. Why, you're dressed like Tuxedo Banana.

Mike: Hey, dad, it's for you!

Jason: Ben!He hates tests.He'll even look for Waldo.

Jason: Obviously.

Mike: Dad, Where is the Banana.

Jason: He went that way.

Mike: Thanks, just get ready for big bucks!

Jason: Hey Be-en!

Ben: Yah!

Ben: Yeah right, dad, but what would I do with that? We both know I'm no Einstein.

Jason: What do you mean by that?

Ben: Well, what did you mean by it.I heard you when you told your accountant.Let's face it Ben is no Einstein.

Jason: Well obviously, I did not mean that way Ben?

Ben: Yeah, well you said it!

Ben: And I know you meant it cuz you didn't even knew I was listening.You think I am dumb and you've known me my whole life.I must be dumb!

Jason: No, Ben, No.

It's my fault Ben's not taking that test.He expressed interested and I scoffed, I belittled, I had a great time.

I did everything but call him stupid. Oh, since then I've talked to his teachers. Ben has a 3.0 average.

Jason: A 3.0?

Mike: Smile!

Dwight: Hi Carol?

Carol: Hello.

Dwight: The strangest thing happened this morning.A woman in blue plaid came to my door, threw muffins at my sister, threatened her and then ran.

Carol: Your sister?

Dwight: Yeah, Elaine's a stewardess, she visits whenever she flies into Kennedy, and my question is why muffins.

Carol: Uhhm.

Dwight: You positively blew with this hour of the morning.

Carol: I do?

Dwight: I'd love for you to come meet Elaine, wanna come over for some muffins?They're not very good, but what the heck they're free.

(SING) Mark Rice: "Mustang Sally... Guess you better slow mustang down..."

Jason: Mustang Sally, it's one of my old-time favorites.Ben I had no business say something like this, like a stranger.

Ben: Alright, you didn't mean it anyway.

Jason: No, I meant it.I really did think you were no Einstein.

Ben: Thanks a lot Dad.

Jason: Neither was I.

Ben (reads Jason's score card): D, C, F, C minus, D.Is this you?

Jason: Uh-hum.

Ben: You really were no Einstein.You were barely a Trigger.

Jason: Boy it is Ben, even Einstein was no Einstein, you know he grew up that at school?Some of us don't' show our potential until later.

Ben: So you're saying that some day I'll start showing my potential?

Jason: You already have Ben.Last year when you started studying at home with your mother.

Ben: Well, that's fine when she was working with me.

Jason: That's not true.Your mother gave you confidence she got you started.But then you went out you took over by yourself.

You became a 3.0 student on your own.

Ben: I did, didn't I?

Jason: And I almost blew the whole thing with that dumb remark.

Ben: But then why did you say that?

Jason: Oh you live in a family Ben, you tend to put labels on people.

You know Carol was the smart one, Mike was the charming one, and then you, you're the one who goofy-glued sticky saliva into the dog-house.

Jason: You got through this change these whole last few months Ben, well and it happened right under my nose, and I did not even see it I am so sorry. I missed it, please. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. Will you forgive me?

Ben: I guess.

Jason: Like you start over, clear the slate?

Ben: Sure.

Jason: Right.

Jason: Hey, look, would you be interested in helping me input some data into the computer?

Ben: You're kidding.You trust me to do something like that?

Jason: Sure I would.

Ben: Dad, this means so much, coming from you. Will you pay me?

Jason: I'll pay you.

Ben: Oh, Dad, this means so much! Coming from you.

Screen: November 29th, 1991. Ben Seaver arrived to take the New York state advanced placement exam, unfortunately the test was scheduled for the 30th.Red-faced, the boy returned the next day and passed with flying colors.That same day a smoke b*mb was detonated in the faculty lounge. To date, no suspects have been apprehended.