05x13 - A Growing Problem

[bunniefuu]

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs

♪ You'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ Cause it takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

- Hey, bro what's happening?

- The British are coming.

- Say what?

- My homework's
about Paul Revere.

After that long ride, he
must've had one sore butt.

- Yeah, I gotta get
on my horse too.

I got a terrific
party waiting for me.

- It'll have to
wait 'til next week.

Kimberly's on the bathroom.

- That's no problem.

I'll get her out.

Kimberly!

Yes?

- Telephone, some guy.

- Who is it?

- He didn't say but he
sound really handsome.

- It must be Robert.

- Yeah.

- Hello, Robert.

- Hello, dummy.

- Willis!

That was your
dirtiest trick ever.

- It's not as bad as the
time he super glued the legs

of your pantyhose together.

- Okay.

Two can play at that game.

Hmm, let me see.

I've got it!

The old cold cream
in the sneakers trick.

- Kimberly!

That's a terrible
rotten thing to do!

Good thinking!

Oh boy!

- This is gonna be terrible!
- I can't wait to see this!

- Uh oh.

Booze.

- It ain't Hawaiian punch.

- Hey Kimberly you can...

- What are you doing with that?

- The question is, what
are you doing with it?

- It's for the party tonight.

Everyone has to
bring his own bottle.

- If dad catches you with that,

you're gonna be
bringing your own nurse.

- What are you talking about?

I'm not a kid.

And dad wouldn't mind if I
have a drink now and then.

- Oh sure, that's why you
have to sneak it in the house.

- I wasn't sneaking it.

I mean, I had to
carry it in something.

Anyway, I'm
practically an adult now.

- Willis, if you're
such an adult,

why don't you just go
downstairs and tell dad

you're takin' that snake
bite medicine to the party?

- I don't have to.

Dad will just say it's okay.

- I think the great big
adult is afraid to tell dad.

- No I'm not.

- I don't see your feet moving.

Just your mouth.

- Alright.

I'll show you I'm not afraid.

I'll go tell him right now.

- Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Who's the
handsomest of them all?

What?

Well, you could lie a little.

- Dad, can I talk
to you for a minute?

- Sure, what's on your mind son?

- Well, I'm going to this
party at Jerry's and it's BYOB.

You know what that means?

- Sure.

It means hand me that bottle.

- Wait a minute, dad.

I...
- Hand me that bottle.

- I didn't even
have to tell you.

I coulda just done and
you woulda never found out.

- Right.

But you're too honest for that.

- Yeah, Willis.

That's a serious flaw
on your character.

- Would you two excuse
us for a minute please?

- Sure daddy.

- Willis, what has
gotten into you?

Did you really think I would
let you something like this?

- Sure, why not?

- I'll tell you why not.

Because you're
too young to drink

and it happens to
be against the law.

- Dad, a lot of kids
my age take a drink.

And Jerry's been
doing it for a long time.

- Yeah?

Who's Jerry?

Does he go to school with you?

- Well, he used to but he quit.

- A dropout huh?

- Well, he had to.

He has no folks and he has
to work to support himself.

And he's makin' out fine.

You gotta admire the guy.

- I don't admire him
if he's into drinking.

And I don't like the idea of
you hanging around with him.

- Dad I wish you'd let me
make my own decisions.

I'm almost a man.

And if I wanna take a
drink once in a while,

what's the big deal?

I can handle it.

- Oh you can huh?

- Sure.

- Okay.

- Let's have a drink.

We'll how you can handle it.

- Right now?

- Right now.

If you're determined
to take a drink,

I'd rather you do it at
home with your old man

than at some party with
a bunch of strangers.

- But dad, I...

- We'll see what happens.

Come on.

Let's be drinkin' buddies.

Sit down.

- Dad, this is
really ridiculous.

What about your party?

You're gonna be late.

- It can wait.

It's only a charity affair.

That chicken can't
get any colder than it is.

Bottoms up.

Your bottom wasn't up.

That's not drinking.

That is sipping.

Come on, drink it up.

- Well, shouldn't we
mix it with something?

- Oh I know, you mean
like those swizzle sticks

with the little
umbrellas on the top?

They just stick you in the eye.

Here we go!

Down the hatch!

- Down the hatch.

- What do you think
about drinking now, Willis?

It's great isn't it?

- Yeah, great.

- It gets even better.

Come on, let's have another.

- No!

- Here we are, Willis.

Here's lookin' at you.

Willis, you're not drinking.

- Okay, dad.

You made your point.

- Good.

That's all I wanted to do.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Let that be a
lesson to both of us.

I never drank that
much that fast in my life.

I hope that convinces you
what a couple of drinks can do.

- Dad, what about the party?

Can I still go?

- Oh no, you certainly cannot.

That party sounds
like trouble to me.

- But dad you...

- No buts.

I gotta go to my dinner.

But before that, I think
I'll have a little nap.

- Dad, you can't
treat me like this.

- You know what
your trouble is Willis?

You're not as think as
you're smart you are.

You know what I mean.

Hi there!

- Oh the heck with dad.

I'm goin' anyways.

- Mr. Drummond, you're still up.

- Yes, I'm still up.

- Oh, the sirens and
the g*nshots were TV.

I was hopin' it was Elliot
Nest droppin' by for a late date.

- This whole movie's being
sponsored by a cemetery.

It's very fitting.

When Willis gets
home I'm gonna k*ll him.

Twice!

One for going to the party

and one for coming
home this late.

- You mean this early.

It's past four o'clock.

It is 4:28.

He's never been
this late before.

Maybe my little drinking
lesson didn't go very well

but that's no reason
for him to disobey me.

- Well, I think he'll
be home any minute.

But I know what you're thinking.

That something terrible happened

and that he got in a wreck
or that he was mugged,

that he's in the hospital
with no identification

and they don't know who to call.

- I didn't think of that.

- Then it only
would've upset you.

- You're a great comfort, Pearl.

- Say how about a
nice warm glass of milk?

- Good idea.

Thanks, Pearl.

- Hey, what's goin'
on down here?

- What are you two doing up?

- I noticed Willis wasn't home

when I went to go to the John.

- And I woke up when
Arnold dropped the toilet seat.

- I didn't mean to!

I was half asleep!

I almost fell in the bowl.

- Dad, where could Willis be?

It's almost 4:30.

- I'm worried about him.

- Well now stop worrying
and go back to bed.

I'm losing enough
sleep for all of us.

- What's everybody doin' up?

- Can't you guess?

We're modeling sleepwear.

- I thought I told you
not go to that party?

And how dare you
come in at this hour?

- Well dad it wasn't fair of you

to tell me not to go
at the last minute.

- I also told you not to drink.

You smell like a brewery.

- I only had a couple of drinks.

- From the looks
of your eyeballs,

they must've been Bloody Maries.

- Willis, you are
in deep trouble.

- I don't know why you're
making such a big deal about this.

I could take care of myself.

- You call this taking
care of yourself?

From now on,

there'll be no more drinking,
no more all-night parties,

no more anything, you
are grounded for a month.

- A month?

You can't do that.

I don't need your
permission to go out.

I can come and go as I please.

- Look Willis, as long as
you're living under this roof,

you will do as I say.

- Well then maybe I should
be living under another roof.

- I'm talking to you!

Where do you think you're going?

- Upstairs to pack.

I'm gettin' out of here.

- What?

- Willis, you can't leave!

- No, no but you just watch me.

I'm going back to Jerry's.

He just got himself a roommate.

- Willis!

You're not really gonna
move out are you?

- You're just
jiving us right bro?

- Does this suitcase
look like I'm jiving you?

I love dad but he's just
impossible to live with.

- So are you but I do it.

Willis, don't you think you
outta wait 'til you cool off?

This is gettin' out of hand.

- Listen you guys, nothing's
gonna change my mind.

I'm rightin' dad's wrong.

- He's got a head like a mule.

That's not the only place
there's a resemblance.

- Willis man, you just
can't walk out on me.

We're brothers!

I need you!

I look to you for guidance!

I love you!

On the other hand, I
would get my own room.

- Aw, come on Willis.

Please don't go.

- Look guys, this
isn't easy for me.

It's just something I gotta do.

- Willis, you're
making a big mistake.

- I know what I'm doin' Arnold.

- No you don't.

You're packing my underwear!

- Here you are, Mr. Drummond.

I made myself some hot milk too.

- Thank you, Pearl.

- This thing with Willis has
really gotten me unnerved.

I don't know how
you can be so calm.

- Well there's two
reasons for that.

First, I'm gonna stop
a kid that's big enough

to put me over his knee.

And second, he's not
going anywhere anyway.

I've seen this before.

- He threatened to leave?

- No, not him.

Me.

When I was his age, I had the
same argument with my father.

I packed my stuff,
I said goodbye

and I headed out for California.

- How far did you get?

- The front porch.

That's when I realized
what I dummy I was.

Believe me, Willis won't
get any further than I did.

You know, like dummy like son.

- Dad, you gotta do something!

He's packing!

- He's really going daddy.

- Now, now, now, don't worry.

He's just bluffing.

- I'm all ready dad.

- So I see.

- Don't try and stop me.

- I won't.

- Here's Jerry's address.

- Oh, thanks.

We'll forward your mail.

- I'll see you guys.

- Bye, Willis.
- Oh, Willis.

Remember this.

You're on your own.

No help from me.

No allowance.

I mean it.

- I'll manage.

- Willis!

Don't answer so fast!

The man's talkin' cash flow!

- And you won't get any help

from any other members
of this family either.

- It's okay dad,
I don't need it.

- Alright, Willis.

That's enough of this nonsense.

Take that bag
upstairs and unpack.

- Now there you go,
telling me what to do again.

- You're darn right, I am.

You're not going out that door.

- I'm as big as you are and
if I wanna go out this door,

I'll go!

- Oh no you won't.

He did it.

He left.

- Too bad we don't
have a front porch.

♪ We'll be alright

♪ In the morning time

♪ Yeah

♪ Doin' fine

- Jerry.

Jerry!

- What?

- Do you mind turning
that down while I study?

- Yeah.

- Thanks.
- Sure.

I think I'll get a refresher.

You want brew?

- Oh no thanks, Jer.

Hey, don't you think
you've had enough?

- Hey man, you're
not my guardian.

I'm just being my
usual mellow self.

Oh, you know we better
lay in a few six packs.

The guys are
comin' over tonight.

- Again?

You know Jerry it's kinda
hard for me to do my homework

with guys passing
out on my books.

I'll get it.

- Hi, Willis.

- Hey, Kimberly!

What a surprise.

Come on in.

You know Jerry.

- Hi, Jerry!

- Hello, Kimberly.

How are you?

- I was just on my
way to ballet class

and I thought I'd drop
by and see your place.

- Well, this is it.

What do you think?

- It has possibilities.

Clean it up a little and you
can use it for the city dump.

- Well what do you want?

I mean, it's the maid's day off.

- Look Willis, isn't two
days of this enough?

Please come home.

I miss you and so does Arnold.

He says he misses the way

you mumble dirty
words in your sleep.

- What about dad?

Does he talk about me?

- Well.

No.

- Who cares?

- Well, here Willis.

I thought this might
come in handy.

- 20 bucks!

Thanks, Kimberly.

- Well, I gotta go.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

- Hey Arnold!

- Hi, Willis!

How you doin'?

- What are you doin' here?

- Well, I figured maybe
you could use a little help.

It's all I've got.

But it's yours.

- Five bucks, oh thanks.

Arnold, you shouldn't have.

- I know.

Listen, if you happen
to see Kimberly,

don't tell her this because
it'll just make her feel bad.

You know what
cheapskate she can be.

- Arnold...

- You know, you
said it yourself Willis.

Give her a penny and
she'd pinch the beard

right off Abe Lincoln.

- Kimberly's right
behind this door.

- What you talkin' about Willis?

- Hi there.

- It's always a thrill to
see my darling sister.

- Yeah and it's always a thrill

to hear what my darling
brothers think of me.

- He didn't mean that, Kimberly.

- Yeah!

Don't you know a
joke when you hear it?

She doesn't know a
joke when she hears it.

- I'll see you later
Willis, alright?

- Thanks for the 20
bucks again, Kimberly.

- You're welcome.

Bye.
- Bye bye.

- Bye Jerry.

Bye.

- 20 bucks?

Since you just struck it rich,

you won't be needing
my puny contribution.

Welcome home.

- Hey, how do you
like our pat Arnold?

- No self respecting
c*ck would live here.

- You ready for a
drink now Willis?

- No, I'm cool.

- What about me?

- Are you kidding?

- Willis, I'm old enough
to go for the gusto.

- Forget it.

- Willis, dad's not around.

I could do whatever
I want just like you.

- Yeah.

Come on.

One little drink won't k*ll him.

- Alright.

What do you want?

- Oh, I don't know.

Dry Martini.

Tequila Sunrise.

- We got vodka and tonic.

- That'll do just fine.

Set 'em up, Joe.

- You want 'em on the rocks?

- Nah, just put some ice in it.

- Here you go.

- Ah.

Watch out stomach,
I've got some news.

Hang on to your linen
'cause here come the booze.

Here's to ya.

That's the strong stuff.

That stuff will
dissolve your tonsils.

- That's just the tonic.

I didn't put vodka in it.

- What's the big idea?

- The big idea is you're
too young to be drinking.

- Willis, you sound
like your dad.

- Well as far as I was
concerned, I am dad.

Get it?

- Got it.

Well, guess I'll be
seeing you Willis.

Man, I wish you'd come home.

- Why?

You miss me?

- Of course I do.

Look, I was just kidding before.

You can have this.

- That's okay, Arnold.

I don't need it really.

- That's good 'cause I do.

Well,

see you man.
- See you man.

Take it easy.

- Bye.

- Dinner's ready g*ng.

- Pearl, I see you've set an
extra place at the table again.

- Well, I keep hoping that
Willis would come home.

- So do we.

- I must say, I am surprised
that he hasn't called.

He hasn't called has he?

- No but he's fine, dad.

- What?

How do you know that?

- Well as a matter of act,

Arnold and I went
to see him at Jerry's.

But we didn't think you'd
want to hear about it.

- No, I don't.

How is he?

- Well, it's kinda
hard to tell with Willis.

His face always looks like he
has his shorts on backwards.

But he says he's having
a ball bein' on his own.

- Really?

Well, we'll see if he
still feels the same way

after a few more days of that.

- What kind of place
is Willis living in?

- You could call it early slum.

- But it's nothing a
wrecking ball couldn't fix.

- Mr. Drummond, don't
you think he's had enough?

Maybe you should
ask him to come back.

- No, I can't do that.

- Sure you can, dad.

It's easy.

Just say, "Willis
please come back."

I could even say it for you.

- Look, I miss Willis as
much as all of you do.

But he's gotta learn for
himself that he's not a man yet.

He's still a kid.

He still needs a father's
hand to guide him.

Now if I ask him
to come back now,

it'll be on his terms.

That won't be
good for him at all.

- I guess you're right daddy.

Unfortunately.

- Hi.

- Willis!

- Willis, what happened?

- What on earth?

Willis!

- Willis, what happened to you?

- Jerry and I were in
this real bad car accident.

I was lucky I came out
with a few scratches.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Well thank god you're alright.

How did you get home?

- The police brought me.

- Well, come on
sit down over here.

Now tell me what happened.

- We were leaving this bar

and I guess Jerry
had a few too many.

And he ran this red light

and this big truck...

I didn't even see it coming.

It just plowed right into us.

- How's Jerry?

- He's real bad.

He's in a coma.

No.

- They wouldn't let me see him.

The doctor says there's
nothing I can and to go home.

This is my home.

Isn't it?

Dad, I want to come back.

Can I?

- Of course, son.

- There's a place I set
for you at the table Willis.

- And I kept your half of
the room just the way it was.

Messy.

- Dad, I really
feel like a fool.

- Willis,

I know you think that I
boss you around too much

but I don't do that just
to exercise my authority.

I do that because I love you

and I want you to do
what's best for you.

- Yeah, I know.

But dad can we do
something to help Jerry?

He's really a good guy.

He's kinda lost.

He's got nobody
that cares about him.

- Well, I'll be happy
to do whatever I can.

- Hello?

Yes, he is.

Who's calling?

Just a minute.

- It's for you Willis.

It's the hospital.

- Hello?

Yes, this is Willis Jackson.

How's my friend, Jerry?

Oh no.

- Hey Willis, I'm sorry.

- Dad.

It's just hard to
believe that Jerry's...

Look at me, I'm
cryin' like a kid.

- No son.

You're cryin' like a man.

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world