05x26 - Where There's a Will

[bunniefuu]

Jason: Hi honey I'm home.

Mike: Good to see you too dear.

Jason: Mike, look at you.6pm on a fine spring evening...What are you doing?

Mike: I'm eating a sensible breakfast.

Jason: You slept the entire day away?Wasted 8 precious hours?

Mike: Ok, call it Dinner.

Jason: Mike you expect me to just stand by and say nothing while you just waste your life?

Mike: Pretty much.

Jason: What are you going to do about your future?Ever even think about that?

Mike: Dad come on, you don't have to read me.

Jason: This is not reading, this is fatherly advice.

Mike: What's the difference?

Mike: Something will pop up.

Jason: Something will pop up!

Mike: Yes.

Jason: Mike, what what what?A job?More school huh?Jail?

Mike: All right, what are your plans for next year?

Jason: I'm a parent Mike..We are not allowed to make plans

Carol: Something big, or just the usual monthly read?

Jason: Carol, would you mind leaving please, so I can finish giving mike his fatherly advice.

Carol: Ok, but be sure to yell, I don't want to miss a word.

Jason: Get out!!!

Mike: Dad, Hugh Hefner.

Jason: What about it?

Mike: A very successful man who, and you can look this up, wears pajamas around the clock.

Jason: Every so often, you say something that frightens me to the core.

Mike: Dad, my point is that just because I sleep all day, does not mean that I'm not thinking about my future.I've given it a lot of thought.

Jason: Oh yeah?

Mike: Yes, I'm going to be an actor.

Jason: That's a future?

Mike: Yes, yes dad, that's my dream.

Jason: Mike, dreams are for guys who don't get out of bed all day.

Mike: Perfect.

Jason: Mike, no, that is not perfect, what you need is a plan.

Mike: Yeah, well, why can't my dream be my plan?

BEN: Uhm, is this going to be a long reading Mike?

Mike: I don't know, dad what do you think, like 20 minutes?

Jason: Ben, get out...this is not a reading.

Maggie will you get that?I'm reading Mike.

Mike: Oh well, what else have you lied about?

Jason: Mike, when are you going to think about your future?I mean sometimes I talk to you, I feel like I'm still talking to that kid who in kinder garden played doctor with Angela modelucioni.

Mike: Cured her cold, didn't I?

Maggie: Phones for you Jason, somebody from paradise, Colorado

Jason: Colorado?

Maggie: Don't worry, it's not collect.

Jason: Can you take over with Mike please?

Mom: So what was he doing?Don't be a bum?

Mike: No, planning your future.

Maggie: How far was he?

Mike: The vein over his left eye was starting to pulse.

Jason: Uncle George...

Jason: Too late, he already ha s.

Mike: Then, how did he call?

Jason: Well I don't know if I can, but I have your number so I will let you know, yeah.

Maggie: Honey I didn't mean to say he SHOULD drop dead, I'm sure he had a good reason for being selfish rotten and deserting his wife...may he rest in peace.

Jason: Well the funeral's the day after tomorrow at his cabin.

Maggie: We will send flowers.

Jason: No, his lawyer says they want me there.

Maggie: Why?

Jason: Well.Uncle George apparently in his will named me executor.

Mike: What does he need an executing for if he's already dead?

Jason: Mike, It means that I'm in charge of carrying out his last wishes, making sure it's done correctly.

Maggie: But why you?You haven't talked to him in years.

Jason: I haven't the slightest idea.

Mike: Wait a minute is this Uncle George guy the guy who used to send us homemade Christmas cards every year, but you never sent him anything?

Mom: I see no reason to pretend I'm fond of irresponsible bums, who choose to rot his life away rather than work.

Mike: But, you're fond of me.

Jason: It's been 15 years Maggie...Why me?

Maggie: Jason, nothing he did ever made any sense.

Jason: We don't know that.

Maggie: Well then why did he leave aunt Harried the very month they made the down payment on that beautiful home?

Jason: I don't know.

Maggie: And why did he walk away from his own add agency?

Mike: Hey wait a minute, is this the guy who used to bounce me on his lap and say: "it's a pastry, it's a laxative, stop!Your both right"

Jason: That was him.

Mike: Dad, maybe he's leaving you a ton of money, and then you can quit your job and hang out with me.

Jason: No I don't think so Mike; old aunt Harried bled him pretty good, in a very just settlement.

Jason: Ok, you've called all my Thursday patients for rescheduling?

Kevin: Sure, everybody but Mr.Hobs

Jason: Of course, his fear of things that ring.Well, I think that's about it Kevin, I'm going to phone you in the morning as soon as I land with a number that you can call...

Kevin: Incase there are any emergencies

Jason: Yes, oh and the return flight...

Kevin: Should have you back Friday in time for your 9am session.

Jason: I guess I...

Kevin: Already said that...yes...

Jason: OK, yes, 10 o clock.I got to go...Kevin how can I thank you for working late tonight.

Kevin: By letting me pretend to be a psychiatrist and having some babes up here.Joke...

Jason: All right, Mike, come on, where are you, the plane leaves in two hours...

Mike: Hey sorry I'm late dad...

Jason: Yeah, well, take that...thank you for coming along with me so we can pack up uncle Georges belongings.

Mike: Uh, no problem, I appreciate you paying me minimum wage.

Jason: Hey, the least I could do.

Mike: I know

Jason: I tell you, if this is the way all the connections are going to go, im not even going to make it back by Friday morning.

Mike: Oh come on dad, our plane took off a few minutes late.

Jason: Exactly.

Mike: Dad, come on chill out.Don't be so a**l.

Jason: What?

Mike: Don't worry; it's not what you think.It's a psychological term.

Jason: Not the way you use it.

Mike: Dad, do we have to be back by Friday?

Jason: Mike you just don't know what its like to have responsibilities.

Mike: Sure I do...hey I got classes tomorrow, and do you see me worrying about missing them?

Jason: Wait a minute; you said if you came with me, you wouldn't be missing any classes.

Mike: And I won't miss a one of them

Stew Ardess: Headsets?

Jason: No, no thank you.

Mike: Dad come on, they are only a few bucks.

Jason: Here...from my last flight.

Mike: Dad, they don't fit the hole.

Jason: Try this one

Mike: Dad, how many more headsets you got in there?

Jason: None....Peanuts? AHA! Look at these....

Mike: What's that?

Jason: My list

Mike: Of things to do?

Mike: Good thing you are not a**l.

Jason: Jee, that reminds me, I forgot to tell your mother, the plumber is coming tomorrow.

Mike: Dad, come on she will figure it out, don't worry about it...I mean, she will figure it out when the guy shows up with a plunger.Ah, it gives me an idea.

Jason: No, I'm not highlighting this until I'm sure.

Mike: Dad, it's called an airphone...I saw it when we got on the plane.You just dial in your number with the area code and you can reach anybody.

Jason: How much does this thing cost?

Mike: Uhm, 15 dollars for the first 30 seconds.

Maggie: Hello?

Jason: Maggie, the plumber is coming tomorrow sometime between noon and three, he's new but he's the last guy in charge, everything else is fine, I love you, bye.

Mike: Oh wow!!!

Jason: Oh wow, later.

Taxi Driver: We've been wowed out sir, I turned the meter off.

Jason: Wait a minute, it just occurred to me, I don't have a key to this cabin.

Taxi Driver: You won't need one, it's in new York.

Jason: You are from New York?

Taxi Driver: I called you.

Jason: Wait a minute; you are Uncle George's lawyer?

Taxi Driver: Playbor M.Jackson Esquire, at your service.

Jason: But you are a cab driver.

Taxi Driver: I'm also the town mayor, real estate broker and movie critic, but my first love will always be chiropracting.

Mike: what a place.Wow

Taxi Driver: He spent 15 years building it...did it all by hand.

Mike: No tools at all huh?

Jason: Listen Mr.Jackson, as long as you are here, maybe we can take a look at the will now, that way we can get started cleaning up the place and I'd make my 5pm departure back home

Taxi Driver: You are flying out today?

Jason: Oh yeah, I got a full load of patients tomorrow.

Taxi Driver: Hmm...

Jason: What's the matter?

Taxi Driver: Well, your uncle didn't want the will read until his funeral, and that's not until sunset.

Jason: Oh but that wouldn't get me out of here by 5 o clock, I'd miss my plane, and my sons anxious to get back to college, you know...

Mike: Wow, dad, can we stay here a couple of extra days?I love this place.

Jason: But all of my plans are based on a 5pm departure.

Taxi Driver: Look I know how we can keep you on schedule.

Jason: Good, good, good.

Taxi Driver: Yeah, we will just ignore a dying mans request and flush his ashes down the toilet right now.

Jason: I get the point.

Taxi Driver: I should have warned you, I'm also the town cynic.

Maggie: What's that?

Chrissy: Pumpkin.

Maggie: That's right.

Maggie: Hello?

Jason: My entire day is ruined.

Maggie: I'm fine Jason thanks for asking.

Jason: Sorry honey, I'm just upset.

Maggie: Oh I'm upset too...I got woken up in the middle of the night by some auctioneer.And then early this morning this plumber showed up and claimed we had an appointment.

Jason: You didn't send him away?

Maggie: Jason, why would I send a 6 foot 1 inch muscular blonde man away?

Jason: I hear you are having fun with me...

Maggie: Not as much fun as I had with Dolf

Jason: I'm beginning to understand why Uncle George might have left aunt Harried.

Maggie: Well Jason, I knew the plumber was coming, I found your sub list under my pillow.

Jason: Honey please, I'm in no mood, I'm going to miss my 5 o clock flight.

Maggie: Why?

Jason: I don't even know, I don't even know why I'm here.

Maggie: Jason, just relax...enjoy the time off...you work too hard as it is.

Jason: That's easy for you to say...your whole world is in order.

Maggie: no, I just said that because I'm fixing Dolf a sandwich. "Maggie, I don't want mustard on my wiener"

Jason: Well sweetheart, I got to say that having this little chat with you has made me feel worse.

Maggie: I love you too sweetheart.

Jason: All right, kiss Chrissy, bye-bye, love you.

Mom: Love you, bye

Mike: Dad, there is some serious nature happening outside this place.

Jason: All right, well, I got some calls here to make Mike.

Mike: Dad, I'm telling you I just saw this bear, a big one, with antlers up to here.

Jason: You know, its daylight, shouldn't you be sleeping?

Mike: Dad, It is wield , I am not even tired here.I mean, if Uncle George had only put in a satellite dish, this would be a primo place to live.

Jason: Look, I got some calls, sorry I'm busy.

Mike: Come on, forget about your lists all right?Come on what do you say we go k*ll something and eat it?

Woman: Excuse me, I'm looking for.....YOU!

Jason: Me?Have we met?

Woman: In a way.Your picture is in the bedroom.It's an old picture, but I'd know you with or without those sideburns

Jason: Haha, and you are?

Nancy Ashton: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Nancy Ashton.I was your Uncle Georges L....Friend.Those three years we had together, were the happiest years I've ever had.I'm sorry, I promised my self I wouldn't do this.

Jason: It's ok.

Nancy: George was the kindest, most caring, most wonderful man in the world, but you know that...I mean...you were his favorite nephew.

Jason: I was?

Nancy: I'll show you.

Mike: Dad, I think I got this figured out.We are at the wrong dead Uncle Georges cabin.

Jason: Mike I brought you here to carry things, not to think.

Mike: Dad, come on, how could this wonderful guy she's talking about be the same rotten guy who deserted his wife?

Nancy: Here!!!

Jason: What are these?

Nancy: Oh, every Christmas card you sent him for the past 15 years.

Jason: Oh, I had no idea.

Nancy: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot why I came...I brought some food, it's in the car.

Mike: Dad, I thought that mom didn't send him any Christmas cards...

Jason: well, she didn't.

Mr.Jackson (TAXI DRIVER): Now let's get down to business.Everyone say hi to Uncle George's favorite nephew, Jason Seaver

Nancy: No don't!!

Mr.Jackson: Sit down Nancy I'm going to honor your wishes, that's for the wonderful year...isn't she pretty...

I read that but I have to agree.

To my beloved nephew Jason Seaver I leave the Cabin and the three or four acres, Playbor never made it clear exactly what he sold me, the lying thief.

Well, I read that and I have to agree with that too.

Mike: What did you tell him?

Jason: I forget.

Mr.Jackson: To old family and friends in New York, I'd like to leave you with the following thoughts: I don't regret my decision to leave New York, I don't regret my decision to follow a dream.I wish people had understood, not everybody is cut out for a life that's planned and regulated as a monthly house bill.Sorry about that.But I bare no one here ill will, in fact I hope everyone finds the joy and contentment I found over these years, especially Harriet, who had the misfortune to marry me.So put away your handkerchiefs and enjoy yourselves...It's a funeral,,, it's a party!!!Shot...you're both right!!!

Mike: Dad what is going on?

Jason: I have no idea.

Mike: Oh come on think dad, unless you have something meaningful and important...I mean it's not like you say important and meaningful things are healthy.

Jason: I'm sorry, I didn't realize anybody else was out here.

Nancy: Oh that's all right, you can stay.I know that George would want us in there having fun, but well, it's a little tough.

Jason: Yes yes it is.Nancy I'm a little embarrassed to even ask but do you have any idea of what I might have said that meant so much to George?

Nancy: You don't know?You really don't know.Well, you told him that....

Mike: The minced moose meet is marvelous.

Nancy: I was just telling your dad what he told your Uncle George.

Mike: Oh oh Gosh.Well, I'd love to hear it too.

Nancy: You said to him: What's your life without your dreams?

Mike: This man said this?You sure it wasn't: What's your life without your lists?

Nancy: I'm sure.You also said that staying open to possibilities is so much more important than planning every move or watching every dime.

Jason: I had forgotten.

Mike: I got the right Cabin, just the wrong father.

Mr.Jackson: Nancy, everything all right?

Jason: Oh yeah yeah, No, I'm fine...go on in, have a good party, enjoy it.

Mr.Jackson: Excuse me Jason, as your Uncle George's attorney and friend; I want to thank you for making the trip.As your cab driver I want to remind you I will be picking you up at 6am tomorrow.Too bad you couldn't stick around a couple more days and help finish up the cabin.

Jason: What are you talking about?

Mr.Jackson: Well, George was just fixing to lay up the chimney top when he passed away.But as your real estate broker, it won't affect the price.As a chiropractor, you shouldn't hunch over like that.

Mike: Hey dad, are you really like that lady said?

Jason: Uh, longtime ago.

Mike: You mean so you weren't always so ....

Jason: a**l?

Mike: ok...

Jason: Mike, there was a time I didn't even make any lists.

Mike: Oh get out of here.

Jason: No, its true, you know your mom and I one summer, we hitchhiked right across this country.

Mike: h* did she do her hair?

Jason: Yeah, your mom was a lot looser than too... We just camped out under the stars like this.

Mike: Yeah? So when did you start going down hill?

Jason: Soon after you were born.

Mike: I see, So It's all my fault.

Jason: No, it's just...well once you have kids; I guess it's tough to be one.But look at this Mike...Imagine living out here, breathing this air, seeing these stars every night?

Mike: Dad, I mean, look, you own this place, you could do whatever you want.

Jason: nah, you got to be realistic.

Mike: oh come on dad, what is not realistic about you and mom spending a little time out here?

Jason: Yeah right...You see your mother out here? "Hi Maggie I'm home" ... Did you get the moose meat?

Mike: Yeah I just mean that, I don't know, maybe you shouldn't sell this place.

Jason: My life is in New York

Mike: But...

Jason: End of conversation

Mike: I just think it's too bad you don't have someone talking to you like that neat guy uncle George did.

Jason: We have the same stars in New York you know...We just cant see them.

Mike: The sky is falling.

Jason: Sorry Mike...

Mike: Dad?

Jason: Up here, come on up

Mike: No thanks, I'd rather sleep.

Jason: You come up or ill drop another rock...

Mike: Dad, what the heck are you doing?

Jason: What? Come on you act like you have never seen your dad do masonry at sunrise.

Mike: huh?

Jason: Come up and give me a hand.

Mike: dad, we got to be in the airport in less than an hour.

Jason: Well, it will just take a little longer than that mike, I don't want to hurry, I want to get this right.

Mike: But the plane...

Jason: Mike, there will be other flights Come on, give me a rock.

Mike: Dad, did you by chance fall of the roof and land on your head?

Jason: I just started thinking last night; I think it would be nice to have a finished cabin by the time your mother comes up here.

Mike: well when is she coming up?

Jason: I don't know, I don't know, maybe a vacation...I haven't made a plan yet.

Mike: But dad, I thought you were selling this place.

Jason: Yeah, well you also thought I was cheap.Jason Seaver, he's an adult, he's a dreamer.Stop.You are both caught.

Mike: All right!!!

Jason: Can't believe this view up here... Did you look around?