01x21 - Emily, I'm Home... Emily?

[bunniefuu]

Emily, I'm home.

Emily?

- Hi, honey.
- [Screams]

Oh. Oh, Bob!

What-What are you doing here?

- Honey, it's only me.
- Well, I know it's you, but what are you doing here?

Well, I live here.
I'm your husband, remember?

Yeah, but not on Thursday nights,
you don't live here. That's your group night.

Yeah, I called to tell you I'd be home tonight,
but you weren't home.

- The group was canceled
- I was at a school board meeting all day.

Honey, let's have a fast dinner and watch
the basketball game together, all right?

Oh, we can't do that 'cause
the meeting isn't overyet.

We broke up into committees.
And my committee is meeting here.

But I wanna watch
the basketball game.

- Oh, well, can you watch it in the bedroom?
- Well, I don't want to.

Have-Have your meeting in the bedroom.

Bob, you can't talk about sex education
and things like that in the bedroom.

- It won't be the first time.
- [Chuckles]

It works outjust as well.
I'm tired anyway.

I think I'll crawl into bed
and watch-watch the game in bed.

- That's a good idea.
- I'll get set up in the bedroom.

I won't bother them; they won't bother me.
Everything“ be fine.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- Whoops. That's them.

Oh.

- Hi!Come on in.
- [ Chattering]

- Oh, is that your husband, Emily?
- Oh, yes.

Bob, I want you to meet Mrs. Rogers, Mr. Davis,
Mrs. Khan and Professor Trainer.

- My husband b Hart/ey
- it's Dr. Hartley, isn't it?

- That's right.
- Oh, that's right.

You're the chiropractor, aren't you?

No, that's Mrs. Hanson's husband
who's a chiropractor.

- Bob's a psychologist.
- Uh-huh.

No beard. How refreshing.

- Doctor, I hope you'll be able tojoin us for
our meeting. - Yeah, it's gonna bejuicy.

Well, I'd love to, but I have some--

some very important work
I have to take care of.

It was nice-nice meeting you.

Well, I can imagine.
There's so much going on in your field.

You must have to do
a lot of reading, huh?

Yes, that's-that's-that's right.

[Clears Throat]
This is for when I finish with my work.

Announcer On TV]
McMiHian to Goodrich. Over to West.

- Don't let West sh**t.
- West guarded carefully, passes to Chamberlain.

Chamberlain from two feet, in and out.
Weiss with the rebound. Fast break.

- Go!
- Downcourt to Love. Love to Walker.

- Go! - Walker under the net. Two
points! Game is tied at -all.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

- Bob?
- Hey, Emily, this is a great game!

Oh, honey, I'm glad
you're enjoying it...

but could you turn the sound down
on the television just a little?

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.

And could you turn your sound down
just a little too?

L-I never realized how clearly you can hear
everything from the bedroom.

Oh, really?I can't hear
your meeting at all.

Well, enjoy the game, darling.

Door Closes

[Announcer] So how about pouring yourself
a tall, thirst-quenching...

glass of beer right now as you settle back
and watch the game?

Remember, Crown Beer,
the queen of beers.

- Beer. - Back to the action now
out in front. Ball to McMillian,.

Dribbles on a deep drive
to the baseline. Passes to West.

Puts up a bank shot at feet. Misses!
The rebound knocked out-of-bounds by the Bulls.

Lakers not sh**ting well. Ball is brought in
to West. West in the corner to Erickson.

Tosses out in front of McMillian into the post
of Chamberlain, with his back to the basket.

- I'm afraid I can't agree with you.
- [Announcer Continues]

As a third-grade teacher, I know how receptive
children of that age are to new ideas.

I mean, I think that, uh--

that that is the perfect time
to teach them a new language.

But, Emily, there are other priorities.

No, children of that age
should have an opportunity--

Don't-Don't let me interrupt.

[Emily]
Uh, --

Announcer Continues

Uh, Bob.

Professor Trainer hasn't heard
a word we've been saying.

Could you please turn the sound down
a little bit more?

If I turn it down one more time,
it'll be off.

Doctor. Doctor. What's the score?

[Clears Throat]
- , Bulls. Walker's on a streak.

Sounds like a great game. You think
you could turn up the sound a little?

I promised her first.

Score! Do you believe that shot!
They'll be talking about that one for years.

With two seconds left in the quarter,
a drive and a fake...

that had the LA. defense out in the lobby.

Fantastic thing to see. Some great play here
by both teams as they battle back and forth.

We'll be right back with more action, but
right now we have another time-out on the court.

Say, wouldn't a beer
go great about now?

No greater beer than Crown Beer,
the queen of beers.

Wherever you are,
whatever you're doing...

pick up a bottle of smooth,
mellow Crown Beer.

just snap off the cap.
You're ready to enjoy...

the delicious, crisp,
pleasing flavor of Crown Beer.

Slightly mellow,
so smooth and flavorful...

you'll want to enjoy another one
when you've finished your first.

Go ahead. Open another one.

Tilt that bottle back and feel--

- Bob!
- Honey, get me a can opener.

- Bob, you are going to have to
turn the sound down. - [Clicks ]

I have a committee out there that
has to leave with a recommendation...

and you're not helping matters any.

Honey, I have a recommendation.

I recommend I watch the game
somewhere else. Have a nice meeting.

- Did you forget something?
- It's not funny.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- Com e in.

- Oh, hi, Howard.
- Oh, hi, Bob.

- Listen, uh, Howard, I'm not disturbing you, am I?
- Disturbing me?

I mean-- Actually, I mean, uh,
it's great company. ironing's so lonely.

Uh, Howard, listen,
Emily's having a meeting at our place.

Do you mind if I watch
the game on your TV?

No. It'll give me something
to do while I'm ironing.

[Announcer] Weiss sh**t and hits from O feet.
Score is tied for the I th time tonight.

What an incredible seesaw game!

So how are things at the office?

Howard.

Oh. I'm sorry. Sorry. Great game.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- [ Si g h s ]

All of a sudden,
it's gettin' busy in here.

...has to go way up to get it.
Off the left side to Love--

- Hi, Howard.
- Hey, Mary Ellen. How are you? Come on in.

I had a couple of hours
between flights...

and I just thought
I'd stop by to say hi.

- Hi.
- Uh, am I interrupting something?

Oh, no. Bob and I arejust
ironing and watching basketball.

- Uh, Bob, you know Mary Ellen, don't you?
- Mmm?

Uh, why don't you just sit down here?

And you sit down,
and I'll sit down...

and then we'll all sit down and watch basketball.
[Sighs]

[Announcer] Lakers want those two points
back as West comes into the front court.

Passes into the post to Chamberlain.
Wilt over the left side by O feet.

Through the key to Erickson. An I -footer
by Keith is no good! Rebound by Wilt.

It'll go out-of-bounds. Lakers don't get
their two points back. They're running cold.

Need a win here tonight
to hold on to their lead.

Van Lier up the middle now for the Bulls.
Stops. Fakes.

He's down the middle. He's all the way.
Pumps once, lays it up.

Fly-swats it away,
Really got up there.

Rolls the hoop, Comes back out like
there was a lid on the basket. Unbelievable!

Chamberlain with the rebound.
Clears it out to Goodrich.

He's checked by Walker,
but then gets it over the line--

Continueg indistinct]
Chamberlain slam-dunks it!

Uh, excuse me. Bob
can I see you a second?

Bob, please? Bob?
just for one second, please.

- Sure, Howard.
- Uh, excuse me.

Um--
[Clears Throat]

Uh, Bob, when you walked through that door
a few seconds ago, I was happy to see you.

- You want me to leave, Howard, right?
- Yes.

- Thank you, Howard.
- You didn't have a coat or anything, did you?

No, it was warm in the hall, Howard.

- Good night, Mary Ellen.
- Oh, are you leaving?

Yeah, I gotta-- gotta push on.

If you wanna see the game,
you can come back in an hour and a half.

In an hour and a half,
it'll all be over.

I know.

- Uh, Carol?
- Emily.

Hi. Honey, I have
to see Bob right away.

- Oh, sorry, he's with a patient.
- Well, it'll only take a minute.

Uh, Emily, you know how strict
he is about being interrupted.

I mean, it-it has to be like
a life-and-death emergency.

Oh, well, uh, it's nothing like that.

- That's good enough.
- / .

Bob, now I know you're with a patient...

but Emily is here,
and she says it's very, very, uh...

kind of-- [ Stammers]
important.

Right.

He says he certainly hopes so.

- Hi.
- Hi. ls everything all right?

Oh, sure. Everything'sjust fine.

No, it isn't. Because ifit is,
I left a patient with no good reason.

Bob, I just came from
the school board...

and they offered me a full-timejob
as a kind of administrative advisor.

And thejob is really good,
and the money's very good...

but I told them I couldn't give an answer till
I talked to my husband, so I'm talking to you.

You certainly are.

Well, what do you say?

Emily, wh-what will this full-timejob
mean to, you know, our-our marriage?

Oh, well, I'm not gonna
paint a rosy picture.

I mean, it'll be a little inconvenient.
We'll probably see a little less of each other.

You may have to help around the house.
You know, do some of the shopping.

I don't thinkyou should take it.

But, Bob, I do.

Honey, because of
your-your meeting last night...

I watched the last few minutes
of the basketball game in a bar...

on a TV set where Wilt Chamberlain
looked like a fat midget.

[Chuckles]

I then had a dinner of
hard-boiled eggs and beef jerky.

And the guy next to me
was eating pigs' knuckles.

Now I told you what I think.
If you still wanna take thejob, then, uh...

go ahead.

- Oh, Bob, I knew you'd agree! Thank you!
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]

Bye! Ooh, uh, hold the elevator.

- Hey, Bob, did you see that game last night?
- Oh, shut up.

- [ Door Opens]
- [Whistles]

Honey, I'm home.

Emily?

- [ Vacuum Running]
- Emily?

[ Door Opens ]

[Shuts Off]

Do you-- Do-Do you know where my--
where my wife is?

[Speaking Spanish]

Uh, uh--

Donde esté mi...

-wife?
- Ah! [Spanish]

[Spanish]
...Boys Market.

I-I got Boys Market.

Cuando-

will she get here?

- Ay, s e fi o r.
- [Knockxhg]

- Oh, uh, good. She's home.
- B/en.

Honey, did you forget your keys?

Hi, Bob. I'm on my way to Acapulco.

Would you mind looking in on
my plants while I'm gone?

- Uh, sure, Howard. Howard, listen, I
got a problem here. - Yeah, what's up?

You speak Spanish, don't you?

Do I speak Spanish?
That's practically my second tongue.

Yeah. Can you find out
when Emily's coming home?

Oh, that's easy.
Ah, sefiora?

Ah, sefiora?
[Speaks Spanish]

Oh.
[Speaks Spanish]

[Spanish]

[Spanish]

Ts k, ts k, ts k.

[Spanish]

What's-What's she saying, Howard?

Uh, she wants to fix me up
with her daughter.

- Howard, Emily?
- Oh. [Spanish]

Oh. A Boys Market.

Uh, she's at a Boys Market.

I know that, Howard.

You do? Why didn't you
tell me you spoke Spanish?

- Well, look, I gotta be going. M !
- M !

Uh, oh, Howard. Good.
I was wondering how I was gonna handle that.

Here, let me helpyou with that. Bob.

- Oh. Thank you, Howard.
- Bye.

The-The-- These bags are cold.

Oh, well, there's a lot of
frozen stuff in that one.

Yeah, well, can you hurry and thaw 'em out?
I'm kind of hungry.

Got it.

Minute rice. Instant breakfast.

Gravy quick.

Instant pudding and beef pronto.

Well, we should be eating soon anyway.

I'm sorry, Bob. When I come home from a full
day of working, I just don't feel like cooking.

Emily, after looking at this
food, I don't feel like eating.

Emily, you-you've been
working now, uh, three weeks...

and one, two, three, four dishes.

Um--

I think we should take
another look at this job thing.

Oh, well, Bob, that's why I hired Marina.

I know the place hasn't been
as neat as we'd like it to be...

but that's all gonna be
different now, honest.

So, you just come on over
and sit down and relax...

read your paper, and I'll
have dinner ready in...

uh, four and a half minutes--
five, if you want it crispy.

Honey, why go to all that trouble?
lust put it on a stick and I'll lick it.

I just don't know why
people find me... boring.

Do they find you boring, Mr. Carlin?

Oh,yeah. Even in my dreams
people find me boring.

I had this dream that I gave a speech
in front of , people.

I was completely naked,
and everybody yawned.

That's, uh-- That's about all the time
we have for today.

Uh, tomorrow, I think we ought to get
into that-that-- your boring dream.

L-I mean, the interesting dream about--

[Clears Throat]
about you being boring.

I mean--l mean, the interesting dream
where you-you-you thinkyou're boring.

Well, I already told you the best part.

It ends with me putting on all my clothes
and people applauding.

[Sighs]
Key, please.

Thanks.

Jerry, l-l'm glad you're still here.
Uh, you-you busy tonight?

I'll say I'm busy. I finally got a date with
that gorgeous Swedish girl from radiology.

She broke up with that loser she was going with.
Isn't that fantastic?

- Why'd you wanna know ifl'm busy?
- Oh, uh, nothing.

- What's the matter? - Uh, nothing, really.
Emily has another one of those meetings...

and I got a lot of free time.

Why don't you come along with us?
I got reservations at a little intimate restaurant.

It'll just be me and Britt and, uh, you.

I don't think that'll work outjerry.

Oh, what a shame!
Maybe next time.

- Oh, uh, hi-hi, Bernie.
- Hi, Bob.

You, uh, doing anything tonight?

Uh, what am I doing tonight?
Oh, nothing much.

I'll go home, and I'll make myself a sandwich.
You see, my wife eats early with the kids.

Then I'll probably go out to the garage...

- and finish sanding that coffee table I've
been working on. - [ Elevator Bell Dings]

Uh, I'll get to bed about : , : ...

and, uh, I'll try not to wake up the family,
and that's about it.

- [ Mouthing Word]
- That's okay, Bob. I'm busy tonight anyway.

I've got a date with
that cute guy in radiology.

He was going with that dingie Swedish girl,
but last night they had a big fight.

Thanks. Boy, you keep it
pretty clean in there.

I really don't like to
take all the credit.

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

Uh, Mr. Carlin, do you, uh--
do you have any plans tonight?

Me? No, I never have any plans.

Would you like to have
a bite of dinner with me?

- You're kidding. Me and you?
- Sure.

- Hey, that'd be greatjust great.
- Well, good.

Dr. Hartley, before we go out tonight,
I'd like to get one thing straight.

- What's that?
- Are you gonna charge me?

You'll be okay, Bobby?

I'll bejust, uh--just fine.
Are you gonna be all right?

I'll be all right. Hope things work out
between you and your wife.

They'll be-- They'll be fine.
And I-- I really appreciate your advice.

It only seemed right.

I'm happy to know you have
personal problems too. [Chuckles]

Is that why you bought-bought
me all those drinks?

Yeah. Also, I want you to like me.

- But I-- I do like you, Elliot.
- Not enough.

Well, I'll see you at work tomorrow.

- So long, buddy.
- Yeah.

Bob;

Honey, I'm-- I'm home.

Uh, did-did I hear voices out here?

Yes, you-- you heard
the voices of, uh--

of Elliot and-and the voices of me.

Uh, Elliot?

Elli-Elliot Carlin, my very...

very, very close, uh, friend.

We went out to-- to dine.

And we walked around the Loop...

and we watched the bridge go up and down.

Uh, Bob, have you been drinking?

Emily, I-- I am so glad you spotted that.

Because you have no idea
how-how hard it is...

to preten-pretend to be sober like this.

Uh-huh. Well, honey,
why-why were you drinking?

L, uh-- I have a very good reason...

-which I-l have forgotten.
- Oh.

Emily, sit down.

Bob, I am sitting down.

Okay, then--

then I'll sit down, and
you do whatever you want.

Uh, I think I'll-l'll
warm up some coffee.

Emily, you probably remember
when you first came to my office...

and you wanted to take
that full-timejob...

and-and I was all for it.

No. No, you weren't, Bob.

- I wasn't?
- Uh-uh.

- Well, that-that kind of blows my lead-in.
- / .

Well, honey, why don't you just...

say whatever you wanna say?

Okay, all right, I will.

I think we have what is called
a-- a liberal marriage.

Uh, we n-- we never interfere
in each other's important decisions.

I would-- I would never askyou to do anything
that you wouldn't ask me to do.

Our marriage is - .

I want you to quit.

Bob, if I quit my job
because you ask me to...

then we wouldn't have that -
marriage you're talking about.

Well, then how about, uh...

- ?

No.

Now, Bob, I realize we had some problems
when I first started working full-time...

but I thought we had solved most of those.

I mean, uh, I knew you were upset, but--

but now I realize you still are.

Now, Bob, ifit comes down to a choice
between my job and our marriage...

I mean, naturally,
I'm gonna choose our marriage.

But, there is just one thing I wanna say.

Now, uh, working full-time
makes me feel wonderful...

you know, like I'm doing
something worthwhile.

And-- And if I quit thejob,
I think I'd feel miserable.

So, I mean, I'll do whatever
you want me to do.

If you want me to quit, I'll quit.

Now let-- let me see
if I have this straight.

When you-- When you're working,
you feel wonderful.

And, uh-- And if you quit,
you would be miserable.

- Yeah, that's about it.
- Well, Emily, I may--

I may have had a few drinks, but I'm--

I'm sober enough to know
I don't wanna go from the--

the “flying plan“ into the fryer.

Keep your job.

Oh, Bob, thank you.

I'll go get you your coffee.

But-- But check-check with me
in the morningjust-

just in case you slipped
something by me there.

- [Knocking]
- You busy, Bob?

No, come on in,jerry.

I've got two tickets to
the Bulls game tonight. You wanna go?

No, I'm just trying to reach Emily--
find out where I'm gonna meet her.

We're going on a big night out.

- Emily doesn't have a meeting?
- No, we straightened that all out.

Uh-huh. Well, listen,
maybe we could arrange for--

Hello, uh, honey?

Oh. Uh--

Donde esté mi wife?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

[Sighs]

Uh-huh.

[ Mews]