05x02 - Terms of Estrangement (2)

[bunniefuu]

well, okay, Becky,

I won't hang up
this time if you don't.

So, how's it going?

Well, we found
a really cool apartment

In South Minneapolis,

And we need to come home
this weekend and pick up
the rest of my stuff.

Well, if you come by
the garage sale early
enough on Saturday,

You can get
most of it.

We're only coming back
if you agree to some
ground rules.

What kind of rules?
Number one, no yelling.

Number two, you can't--
well, nice talking
to you, Becky.

Come on, mom.
You said you
wouldn't hang up.

Look, you can have
some rules too.
Okay. No eloping.

Mom...

Well, don't come
walking in this house
like you've won

Some great, big victory
over me and your dad.

Don't be expecting
our blessing,

Don't be expecting
any money, and don't
be expecting.

I'm not, mother.

Well, you always were
a good girl, Becky conner.

Becky healy.

I'm Mrs. Becky healy.

Well, I'd love to stay
and chat with you, Becky,

But I have to slam
the phone down now.

♪ [theme]

[Roseanne laughing]

Hey.

Coffeeemaker's
broke again.

Well, so are we,
so fix it.

I'm sorry, honey.
I've done everything I can.

We'll have to let go.
I'm pulling the plug.

Dan, you know if I don't
get coffee in the morning,
I can get cranky.

Here. Just a pinch
between your cheek
and gum.

Where's that instant crap
I save for company?

My god, it's decaf!
Who let that
into the house?

We got to get
a new coffeemaker.

Oh, honey, now,
we're trying to cut back.
Oh, did you cancel the cable?

Well...
[as ricky ricardo]
lucy!

No, I didn't cancel it,
but it's not like I paid
the bill or nothing.

Oh, hello!

God, you're way too happy.
Go out and come back in.
Be nice.

Ironic, isn't it?

Listen, guys,
I'm really sorry

To hear about Becky.

Did that come out right?

I never know what to say
in these situations.

I mean, I just feel
so uncomfortable.

It's just, like,
t*rture.

Gee, Nance, that's rough.
Let us know if there's
anything we can do.

So Nancy and are are gonna
go down to the mall

And find me a dress
for the singles dance tonight.

You want to come along
and... Undermine my
self-confidence?

Well, how sweet
of you to ask me,
and I'd love to go,

But no, I can't,
because Becky and Mark are
gonna come over today.

Oh, wow!
How'd you pull that off?

Well, we worked out
a truce.

[Jackie]
well, that's
great, right?

That's really great.
I got some repair work
out in the garage.

What kind of
repair work?
Couple bikes.

You have to do it now,
when Becky and Mark
are gonna come over?

I don't fix 'em, we don't eat.
Well, you are gonna
come in and say hi

When they come home,
aren't you? Dan?
[door shuts]

Whoa.
Yeah, I know.

Is he at least talking
to you about it?

No, he doesn't want
to talk to anybody.

He just wants
to fix things.

That is so destructive.

Yeah, and, you know,
it's just the calm
before the storm,

Because when he sees Becky,
he's going to go ballistic.

I mean, things are gonna
get really ugly around here.

It'll be kind of nice to have
everything back to normal.

Hey, is anybody home?
Hey, look.
It's joanie and chachi.

How you doin',
little brother?
Fine.

Except thanks to you,
now I'm related
to my girlfriend.

So where's mom?

She's in the kitchen

With the knives.

You want me to go
in there with you?

With... The knives.

Listen, why don't you
go on to your parents'?

By the time you get back,
everything will be fine.

Okay?
All right.
I'll see you later.

Bye.

[door shuts]

If you lie very still,
she may just sniff you
and leave you alone.

Mom?

Hey.

Hey.

Um...

I'm married.

Yeah, me too.
Isn't it fun?

So, how are things
around here?

How do you think?

He needed a job.
He had to go.
What was I supposed to do?

Well, how about,
let him go.

Do you think
he'd drop everything
to follow you someplace?

Yes, I do.

You know, it was
Mark's idea to get married.

Well, call me old-fashioned,
but what's wrong with
living in sin?

We made the right decision.

I love him, mother.

Are you sure that
he loves you?

I'm sure.

[muttering]

Come on, mom.
He didn't have to
ask me to marry him.

I mean, it sure wasn't
for my inheritance.

That's a good one.

All right, well,
maybe there's
a very small chance

That this isn't
the very worst mistake

You're ever gonna make
for the rest of your life.

Thanks, mom.

So... What was
your wedding like?

Well, we went to this
justice of the peace,

And he did it
in his living room,

And his wife threw
rice at us.

So are those, like,
your wedding jeans?

'cause, you know,
you might want
to save those

So you can pass 'em on
to your own daughter.

Oh, we just wanted
to get married.
It didn't matter.

It did to me.

You know, I didn't want much.
I just wanted, like, a cake

And some flowers
and a band.

And I wanted to be there.

Oh, I'm sorry, mom.

All right.

Well, I'm almost numb,
so where is Mark?

Well, he had to go to his
parents' house. They're giving
us some furniture and stuff.

Oh.

Well, we're gonna
give you something too.

You're kidding!
What?

Uh, uh,
a coffeemaker.

Feel that?
Mm-hmm.

I'd say the rear
shocks are gone.

Definitely
the rear shocks.

We have to rebuild
the whole rear section.

Hope the brakes
aren't gone too.

[spits]
[attempts spitting]

I can't do it.

[spits]

Thanks, dad.
Anytime, son.

Hi, there.

Becky, you're back!
Hi, Deej.

Did you bring me
anything?

No, Deej. I've been
a little busy.

Okay.

Congratulations.
Thanks.

Hi, dad.
Becky.

So how's it going?
Pretty good.

Yeah?
Becky?

Yeah?
You're hurting me.

So, dad, um,

I just figured
we should talk.

I just want to say that

I didn't mean
to hurt you.

It's just that you
never would have let me
do it any other way.

Mark and I really
love each other.

I mean, you know what
a great guy he is.

You were always the one
that stuck up for him.

Mm-hmm.

Dad, I know
what you're thinking,

But I'm not
screwing up my life.

I mean, Mark's got
a great job, I'm gonna
finish school while he works.

And hey, I can go to
community college in minneapolis
just the same as I can here.

Right.

Mom is okay with this.
Why can't you be?

Come on! Things were
so tough around here.

I was just another mouth
to feed. I thought I was
doing you a favor by leaving.

Don't do me
any favors, Becky.

How's it been going?
Ask the chicken.

Yikes!

What do you think?
It's for the singles
dance tonight, so...

I look too desperate,
don't I?

No. You look just
desperate enough.

Oh, thanks a lot,
Roseanne.

Oh, with all I've been
going through, I just don't have
the strength to lie to you.

I'm sure you'll meet
some really nice guy
at the dance.

There.
I got a second wind.

Hi, jacks.
Hey, look who's here.

Mom, Darlene won't let me

Put the beds next to
each other so Mark and I
can sleep together tonight.

Just so I know,

Who am I supposed
to be mad at?

I am not moving to d.J.'s room
so she and my dork-in-law

Can conceive some
demon spawn in my bed.

I'm gonna go sit
on my bed until morning.

Mark is my husband,
mother.

We're not gonna
stay in this house
if we can't sleep together.

Fine.

b*at the hell out of
this chicken, please.

Becky. Becky!

I was hoping that
we'd get a moment
alone together.

Before your mother gets back,
I know it has been tough,

But I just want to tell you,
I think it's wonderful

That you're starting
your life out
with somebody,

And I wish you guys
all the luck in the world,

And whatever happens
between you and the family
or between you and Mark,

I will always
be there for you.

This is my
great-grandma harris's
wedding ring.

Oh, Jackie!
She gave this to me
before she d*ed.

She made me promise
never to tell
Roseanne that I had it.

So I want you to put that
away somewhere and don't ever
let your mother see that.

Oh, Jackie, this means
so much to me.
Oh, I know.

I'm really
gonna miss you.
It's okay.

But don't you want to save
something like this for
when you get married?

[mock sobbing]
ohh.

[tv blaring]
okay, well, it's
Becky's last night home,

So we're gonna have a happy
family time together.
[children protesting]

Oh, come on.
We're gonna sit here,
and we're gonna visit.

Could we visit
someone else?

[knock at door]
I'll get it.
It's Mark.

Hey!
Oh, I missed you!

Mm, we all did.

Come on in, honey.
Everything's okay.

Yeah, we're just
sitting and visiting.

Are you hungry, honey?
Yeah, I could
fix you something.

No, I ate at my folks'.
Thanks anyway, mrs. Conner.

Oh, no.

Don't call her
"mrs. Conner."

Call her "mom."

She likes that,
don't you, mom?

Well, I guess if
I let you call me
"mom," why not?

Hey, rose...

Um, I'm finished out there.
I'm gonna wash up
and go to bed.

Did you get
anything to eat?
I'm all right.

Good night, dad.

Uh, I wouldn't, Mark.

It's cool.
Mom...

Dan, I think, uh,

Me and you should
talk about this.

You're in my way.

Are you gonna move,
or you want me
to move you?

Come on, Mark. It's late.
Let's just go to bed, okay?

Dan...
Happy family time
is over.

Well, that was
real pretty.

I don't want
to talk about it.

Where are they sleeping?
I thought you said you didn't
want to talk about it.

Where are they sleeping?
They're sleeping
in the girls' room,

And Darlene's going
in d.J.'s room.
Perfect.

Well, it was either that
or let them go to
some cheap motel

Where they'd
actually enjoy it.

I can't believe
you allowed this.

Well, you give me
a little bit of time, Dan,
and no other choice,

And I can just be
a remarkable woman.

I got a choice.
I can go upstairs and put
his head through a wall.

Dan...
Okay, I got another choice.
She's years old.

I throw the punk out,
and we get this thing
annulled.

Yeah. And then in months,
on her th birthday,

She goes and does
the exact same thing again.

Only this time she hates us,
and we don't see her no more.

So that's
your brilliant plan?
We do nothing?

Yeah. Yeah,
that is my plan.

'cause this way,
at least we get birthdays
and we get holidays.

Maybe we get a phone call
once in a while.
But you go up there

And you do something stupid,
Dan, and we will lose her.

No, I wouldn't want
to go up there and
do something stupid,

'cause god knows
she sure didn't!

You know what's gonna happen?
She's gonna get pregnant,
she's gonna forget about school.

This is it!
This is her life!

What do you want
to happen, Dan?

You're screaming
at me, okay?

You're walking around here
like some psycho.

What exactly is it that
you want to happen?

I want my bike shop back.
I want my daughter back.

I want things back
the way they were before
I screwed everything up.

So is that what you do
out there all day long
in that garage?

You sit there
and blame yourself?

Well, maybe I do,
but you know what?
I'm allowed, she's not.

She's not
blaming you, Dan.

She's really happy
right now.

She's gonna wait until
this whole marriage
thing goes to hell,

And then she'll
blame you.

You've been
a great father, Dan.

She's healthy,
she's happy, and she
can handle herself.

What more
can we expect?

Not this.

I can't go along
with this, honey.

Well, Dan,
you have to.

We don't have
any other choice.

[bed creaking]

I'm gonna be
out in the garage.

[Becky]
very funny, Darlene!

Stop jumping on
d.J.'s bed!

Is this the last one?
Yeah.

So I guess
this is it.

Well, why don't you take
that box out to the car

So I can have a minute
with your hubby here.

Sure.
Oh, I'll help you.

I got to get
to work anyway.

Mark, take it easy.

Uh, you got
safety flares?
Yep.

You got yourself
a good man, Becky.

All right, I knew
this was coming, so...

We're too young, I'm not
good enough for her,
and I got no future.

Eyes on your own paper.

Look, you're just ticked off
at me because you think
I made Becky marry me.

Well, let me
tell you something--

Becky doesn't
do a damn thing
she doesn't want to.

Okay.
That's fair enough.

She got married
'cause she wanted to.

Well, she also wants
to finish high school.

And if she doesn't,
I'm gonna know that
that's because of you.

And she also wants
to go to college.
And if she doesn't do that,

Then I'm gonna know that
that's because of you.

Hey.

I'm gonna take care
of her, okay?

So just back off.

[chuckles]
foolish boy.

Oh, you know nothing
of my powers, do you?

See, I'm not just some royal
pain in your butt anymore.
I'm your mother-in-law.

You think I've made
your life difficult so far?

Well, now I'm family,

And you've seen the way
I treat my family.

All packed.
Are we ready?

Yeah, we are now.

D.J., Darlene,
get down here.

I'll be in the car.
Okay. Does dad
know we're leaving?

Yeah, he knows.

Your sister's
leaving.
See ya.

I hope you know how hard
that was for him.

Take it easy.

You too.
I'll miss you.

Will you call?

Promise.

I love you, Becky.

I love you, Darlene.

Did you ever know
that you're my hero?

You are the wind
beneath my wings.

All right.
Knock it off.

See ya,
bubble butt.

Later, Morticia.

Okay, well,

Call me as soon
as you get there,

And then every hour
after that.

Wait a minute.

Um, do you remember

My great-grandmother
harris?

Well, she gave me
her wedding ring,

And, um, I would like
for you to have it.

But you can never, ever
let aunt Jackie see it.

Thanks, mom.

Say good-bye to dad
for me, okay?

Bye-bye, mom.

Bye, Becky.

They're gonna call
as soon as they get in.

She's gonna take a high-school
equivalency test, you know,

And then she can

Start junior college
mid-year.

She says they got
a pretty nice apartment.

I think he'll take
good care of her.

He's making
really good money,

And he's really
afraid of me.

Good.