05x01 - A Taylor Runs Through It

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mom.

l picked up my suit for the wedding. Now l
have to figure out what you guys will wear.

We'd be wearing a big smile
if we didn't have to go.

l'm the only sister who can come.
We have to represent the Patterson girls.

A lifelong dream of mine.

- Oh, come on. lt's gonna be fun.
- lt's gonna be t*rture.

We'll be near one
of the best water-skiing lakes,

and we'll be stuck
with our boring relatives the whole time.

My relatives aren't boring!

They're odd.

But that's what makes them fun.

What sounds like more fun?

Water skiing or watching Aunt Edna
take out her teeth?

They're both fun.

lf we can fit in any vacation
while we're up in Traverse City, great.

But your father and l agreed
that this trip is about my cousin's wedding.

Hey! Hey, guys!

- All right!
- Cool Boogie Boards!

- What is all that?
- Stuff l borrowed for the wedding.

And do you plan to use the Boogie Board
for the ceremony or the reception?

l'll just wait to see
what everyone else is doing.

Wow!
This is gonna be a really cool wedding.

Not only that,
Al's going up to Wilson's cabin.

He's gonna fly-fish. We can join them.
lf there's time, water skiing and off-roading.

- Rad!
- Cool! Offroading would be awesome.

There's not gonna be any time for all that.
Here, guys. You do this.

How long does a wedding take? lt's ''l do,''
''l do,'' cut the cake, we're on the lake.

There's not just the wedding.

We got the family barbecue,
rehearsal dinner, rehearsal.

And don't forget Aunt Edna's
surprise birthday brunch.

l'm not gonna miss
any of the family events.

l am really looking forward
to Carol and Tom's wedding.

Lisa and Jeff.

l'm looking forward to their wedding, too.

(Jill) Tim. do you have to drive so fast?

I just want to make sure I don't miss
one minute of that arrival dinner

Yeah. right What activity are you trying
to sueeze in before the dinner?

- Water-skiing?
- Absolutely not

(Mark) We're going fly-fishing

- Oh, isn't this cute?
- lt's real cute. Yeah.

- Look. They gave us fruit.
- Cute fruit.

Boys, your room is through here.
Hurry up.

That last pit stop of your mom's cost us,
like, minutes.

Excuse me. l just didn't feel comfortable
using a coffee can at miles per hour.

That's too bad.
That's one of the perks of driving by car.

l'll try to remember that next time.

- You don't want to go fly-fishing with us?
- l gotta work on that poem for the wedding.

All right.

- Tim?
- Huh?

Hi!

- lt's great to see you again.
- lt is.

- You don't know who l am, do you?
- No, l don't.

l'm Bonnie, Jill's second cousin.

Uncle Tubby's daughter?

Oh, yeah.

Gosh, how is Uncle Tubby doing?

He's been dead for ten years.

So he's doing the same then, isn't he?

Right. Anyway, some good news.

l just put together
an early arrival cocktail party.

- Doesn't that sound like just too much fun?
- Oh, way too much!

- l don't think we can make it.
- Hi.

- Jill!
- We'll be there.

Great. lt's at five o'clock.
l'll see you there.

- OK
- Five o'clock?

Boys, hurry up. We only have an hour
and a half to go fly-fishing,

thanks to Cousin Chubby.

- Ah, Wilson, this is the life, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

- Guys communing with nature.
- Mm-hmm.

Getting away from the city...

and the clutches of a suffocating,
domineering mother

who won't allow her son to grow up!

Let it go, Al. Forget Mother.

lmmerse yourself
in the tranquility of the river.

You're right, Wilson.
lt's so peaceful out here.

Why spoil it?

All right, all right! Hey!

We're finally here!

All right, boys. Fish fast.
We got minutes, all right?

Look, it's Al Al Bean.

What's the deal with these fish?
We haven't had a single bite.

Dad, we've only been here seven minutes.

Hey, Wilson. Can you show us
how to do that forward cast?

Certainly, lad.

You hold your rod at one o'clock,
you end up at ten o'clock.

Dad, he said ten o'clock.

l didn't know he meant
ten o'clock Eastern time.

Well, l see you're as adept
at fly-fishing as you were at ice fishing.

l'll bet you bucks l can catch
more fish than you.

- You're on.
- Tim, Al, we're not here to compete.

We're here to achieve
a higher consciousness.

He's right, Tim. By creating a competition,
we insult the spirit of the river.

l'm so sorry, river.

But you can help me out by burping up
a couple of them fish, OK?

Even accomplished fishermen can spend
hours out here and not catch anything.

Hey, guys, l got one!

Hi. Hey.

lt's good to see you all.
We did a little fly-fishing today.

And, boy, did we catch a lot of flies!

Here we are, just like l promised,
with seconds to spare.

You should've taken that seconds
to shower.

(clears throat)

Excuse me.
Aunt Edna, good to see you.

All right.

Don't hit me.

- Stop. Tell her to stop hitting me.
- You're gonna hurt her.

Tim, why are you getting up so early?
Come back to bed.

l got a lot of fun stuff to squeeze in today,
and l can't waste time in bed with you.

(# ''William Tell Overture'"))

''To my cousin Lisa on her wedding day...''

- Hey, Jill, l...
- Wait. Shh.

''As the gentle wind
kisses the morning dew...''

''Everything you say bounces off me
and sticks to you.''

l'm just trying to help.

(clears throat)

''To my cousin Lisa on her wedding day...''

Don't do it! Don't do it!
Don't do it! Don't do it!

What are the boys doing?

They're getting their suits on.
We're going water-skiing.

- You're going skiing now?
- Yeah.

The wedding's not for four hours. Finish
your poetry and we'll be back in time.

Oh, l am so sick of working on this poem.

l spent the last two hours trying
to come up with a rhyme for ''matrimony.''

lt's easy - ''schmatrimony.''

Thanks! Why didn't l think of that?

lf you're bored with this,
come with us for a bit.

l'll let you drive the boat,
you'll get a little color.

lt sure would be fun to go out
with you guys for a while.

- OK, l'll do it!
- All right!

l borrowed my buddy Tony's boat.
lt's got that inboard big block V- .

Tony's boat. That's the one with the
roller rockers and the supercharged ?

How did you know that?

You cry it out in your sleep
at least once a week.

Way to go, Brad!

- Whoo! Great!
- Of course he's great! He's my kid.

Good goin'!

Hey! We're your kids, too.
How come we fall on our butts?

Hey, l gave you the water-skiing gene.
What you do with it is your business.

Attaboy!

- Way to go, Dad!
- Yeah!

Watch this!

One more time around, OK?

Whoo!

- Way to go, Dad!
- Yeah!

Next time l'll show you guys
what l can really do. Whoo!

- Mom, you're the only one that didn't ski.
- Mom can't water ski.

What do you mean? l used to be
a great skier. Tell 'em, Tim.

Yeah, used to be.
lt's a little different than it is now.

- Really? What does that mean?
- lt's nothing to be ashamed of.

You used to be a good athlete.
Now you write poetry and go to weddings.

- All right, let's head back.
- Hey!

We head back when l say we head back.

Hit it!

Whoo!

Yay, Mom! Yeah!

Hey, look up there!

Cool.

lf we hurry up, we can get some
parasailing in before the wedding.

Hey, Dad! Look out for the ramp!

Tim!

Jill, you don't want to be late
for the wedding.

- Are you sure Mom's well enough to go?
- She's fine, OK?

l can't believe this.

l have a bandage on my nose,
a sprained wrist, my knee is sore

and my butt is completely black and blue!

You got some color.

Do you think that's funny?

Not if you don't.

There is no way that l can show my face
at this wedding.

Ah, darn. And we so wanted to go.

Do you think that's funny?

Not if you don't.

l could never go to that party
and enjoy myself

knowing that my mother
was back here suffering.

l know, it's not funny, Mom. l know!

Comb your hair and get your ties ready.

Honey, you've gotta go to this wedding.

Why do l have to go?

l have a... l have a million reasons.

lt's your favorite cousin. And you'd hate
yourself forever if you didn't go.

Actually, l'd hate you.

l thought of that, too.

l'm really sorry l wasn't looking
where l was going in the boat, OK?

l cannot believe
that l let you talk me into water-skiing.

You wanted to go. lf you'd let go
of the rope, you wouldn't be hurt now.

- You actually think this is my fault?
- Not if you don't.

Honey, you can't let some nicks and cuts
and contusions stop you from going.

Heck, if l did that, l wouldn't go anywhere.

There is no way that l can get up
in front of all of these people.

You look great.

And once you put your makeup on,
no one's even gonna notice.

My makeup is on.

Looks quite natural.

(# soft guitar)

Everybody's staring at me.

- No, they're not.
- Then who are they staring at?

Who do you think? The star of Tool Time

And now Lisa's cousin, Jill Taylor,

has prepared a poem on the grace
and sanctity of marriage.

- Go get 'em, honey.
- l'm not going up there.

- They're waiting for you. Come on.
- Ow!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- l don't want to do this.
- Go, go, go.

- Are you all right?
- l'm fine. l'm fine.

l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

Um... uh...

To my cousin Lisa on her wedding day.

''As a gentle wind kisses
the morning dew...''

A little louder! We can't hear you!

(louder) ''As a gentle wind kisses
the morning dew...''

Let me get... l'll take...
l'll just move. Excuse me. Excuse me.

- (feedback)
- Ow!

lt's gonna be a long ride home.

Honey, you know it's true what they say:

No matter how great the vacation,
it's always good to be home, huh?

Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Always good to be home.

Well, guys, l think there's something
we can all learn from this.

Yeah, that a nose can be broken
more than once in a day.

l don't think that's it.

Dad, Mom is never gonna forgive you
for this one.

l'm just glad we got one great weekend in
before everything came to a crashing end.

Yeah. l had a lot of fun.
Sorry you're so dead, Dad.

l am not dead. l've got a million ideas
up here how to make this up to your mom.

Are any of them good?

Not a one.

That's at the...

Supercharged roller rockers.
Tony... Hit it, Tony!

That's ...

- Tim...
- ...

Tim...

Tony! Ton... Honey, hi.

Boy, l was having a good dream.

What are you doing down here?
You never came to bed.

l was afraid if l rolled over, l'd finish you off.

l feel bad that you got banged up
this weekend.

Yeah, me too.

lt would've been nice to show up at
the wedding without any hairline fractures.

You wouldn't have got hurt at all
if l weren't so obsessed with having fun.

Well, l gotta admit that's another thing
that really made me mad.

You guys got to have all the fun.

Well, look. l promise you,
next family wedding we go to,

we'll all have no fun together.

- What is all this stuff?
- Oh.

Well, l wrote you a little poem.

Maybe... maybe you'd like to listen to it
before you start laughing at me.

l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

(clears throat)

''l was going to buy you jewelry,
and maybe some flowers.

''lnstead, l stayed up
till the wee morning hours,

thinking about how lucky l am.

''Boy, l'm hungry. l feel like ham.

''My selfishness l will try to conquer.
l'm sorry l bopped you on your honker.

''l'll love you forever, even when you're old.

lf you don't like this poem,
l've got the florist on hold.''

All right, Dad. Now, remember:
one o'clock, ten o'clock.

- One o'clock, ten o'clock.
- Let me have this thing. You count, OK?

What are you guys doing?

Just practicing fly-fishing before church.

- Well, hurry up. We're gonna be late.
- OK.

All right. Just one more.

Tim!