07x10 - Catdog on a Stick

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooch!]

[Laughs evilly]

[Whispering]
If you build it, he will come.

There. All finished.

I built it.

[Moaning passionately]

Ahhhhh.

Yeah.

Thank you.

ANNOUNCER: Tonight on "Wife Swap,"
meet Rebecca Glint...

stay-at-home
mother of five,

married to a factory worker.

Meet Sue Storm... member of
the Fantastic Four,

constantly balancing work and
her marriage to Mr. Fantastic.

Find out how
two different women handle

having their lives
flipped upside down

in "Wife Swap"!

I have to make dinner
every night?

Oh, wow.
What did I sign up for?

ANNOUNCER:
Let's check in on Rebecca.

Die, pitiful fools!

Not today, Doom!

f*ck! No!
I call bad swap!

Aah!

Oh, sh*t!

ANNOUNCER:
And back at the Glint house,

Sue was starting to
connect with the kids.

Oh, cooooool!

[Telephone rings]

Yello?

Yes, this is her husband.

She... she what?

No.

Oh, God, no.

No, no...

How could you allow
this to happen?

It was a part of the
show's premise.

What was I supposed to do?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe not pit a housewife
against the power of doom?

ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile,
Sue was starting to gain some perspective.

A husband that doesn't
help clean the dishes?

How does Rebecca do it?

[All crying]

After two long days,

it was time to go back to
their normal lives

but not without learning
a few things.

I'll tell you one thing,
I now appreciate

a husband that'll wash
the dishes.

Guilty!

Rebecca's husband
refused to take part

in the follow-up
interview.

And now the first person
to ever get tired.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, I'm dying!

I'm dying...

[yawns]
I'm dying.

[Moaning]

Oh.

Oh, cool.

We are the Guardians!

Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny,
Sandman.

We will exist as long
as the children

of the world believe in us!

Oh, no!

You've betrayed me, children!

Huh.

Guess that's about right.

Santa, who's that?

Oh, this is Zwarte Piet.

He's a widely celebrated
figure in the Netherlands.

And my servant.

In Dutch, Zwarte means black!

My name is Black Pete!

That's horrible.

Kids and parents
in the Netherlands

dress up as me in
blackface on Christmas!

In !

Look it up!

Santa, are you a r*cist?

What?

I just believe in tradition.

Yep, that's what a
r*cist would say.

Yeah, you're
absolutely a r*cist.

[Sighs]

The Dutch really need
to get their sh*t together.

We have legal weed!

So does Colorado, but they
don't force kids into blackface!

You sure these
new barracks are fit

for the Barnyard Commandos,
Private Side O'Bacon?

Yes, sir, General Lardo.

It's where our new farmer,
Tyson Foods, told us to report.

Oh, you bastards!

At least give me
a soldier's dea... ohh!

You sure you want to do
a movie, Tiger?

I want to be beloved again,
like before I had sex

with all those waitresses
from IHOP.

Jordan did "Space Jam."

I want my "Space Jam."

Well, studios aren't lining up

to lend their characters
to a Tiger Woods movie.

Everyone aggressively
passed except Dic,

but I cannot recommend that...

♪ Welcome to the Golf Jam ♪

Time for a day of playing golf

and being faithful to
my girlfriend.

Wha...

Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa!!

Ow!

Welcome to Dic-land, Tiger.

Why, hi, Garfield.

I'm Heathcliff.

I'm more romantic
and have an accent.

This is Cleo.

We need your help, Tiger.

I want to put my penis in you.

I mean, I love my girlfriend.

We brought you here
because the evil dorkpucks

challenged us to a game of golf.

I want to hump your face.

I mean, help your face...
help you...

I will help you.

Let's tee off, Dic-heads!

If you sink this putt, we win!

Wish me luck, Bobby Brown.

Bobby Brown?

I'm Hammerman!

I'm M.C. Hammer, except not,
and I have magic shoes.

You know, I don't even know
if I want to save you Dics.

You're just uninspired rehashes
of good ideas.

Seriously, how cheap is Dic?

This is a movie,
and you all look like

you were drawn on a napkin.

Win the game and I'll blow you.

[Cheers and applause]

♪ Everybody tee off ♪

♪ Get a club in your hands ♪

♪ Charisma-free sex addict ♪

♪ Savin' Dic-land ♪

♪ Welcome to the Golf Jam ♪

Thank you, House Stark,

for agreeing to the wedding
of Edmure and Roslin.

Wow! This is great!

This is my first gig
with you guys

and we're playing for
Walder Frey and Robb Stark!

Next up, "The Rains
of Castamere."

Isn't that kind of a downer?

It's like,
"Congrats on your marriage.

Here's a song
about the Lannisters

slaughtering their
enemies."

Just be glad they didn't
request "The Chicken Dance."

, , , .

["The Rains of Castamere" plays]

[Music stops]

I owe my new queen
a wedding gift.

Aw, that's sweet.

Aah! Aah!

Holy lord of f*cking light!

You're archers?!

I thought you were
all about the music, man!

What are you doing?!

Those people could book
us for future gigs!

Think about word of mouth!

Okay. Okay, Jaxon.

That's the thing about
playing weddings.

Always be ready
to adapt the set.

How do you play this thing?

Aah!

That was the man who hired us.

We're taking five!

Sky Commander Rex Kling,

locked and ready to
protect the high frontier!

You sure that angle is steep
enough for proper velocity?

No offense, but your
jumpsuit is starting to look

like cheap sausage casing.

Your sister doesn't think so.

I'm an only child, fat guy.

Then same thing,
but with your mom.

Yeehaw!

Sky commanding your mom!

Little help?

Maybe send another Sky Commander
down the line to give me a push?

Okay, heh.

Another three Sky Commanders?

Ooh! A rescue pack!

Fat-free Snackwells?

Ha ha.

Real funny, guys!

But the joke's on you!

I love Snackw...

Damn it!

Oh, this just isn't my day.

Aaaaaaaaah!

I'm glad we're checking out

this new pirate-themed
restaurant.

[Indistinct shouting]

We'll return your kids
for $ million!

Try the fish.

The Somalian pirates!

So cool!

Murphy, every officer needs
to do community outreach.

Now you're in charge
of Midland Elementary's

D.A.R. E. Program.

Copy.

Did every student receive
a worksheet?

TOGETHER:
Yes, officer Murphy.

Drug use is...

You do not have a worksheet.

She can have mine.

Now you do not have a worksheet.

Every student must have
a worksheet.

My instructor's kit contains
additional worksheets.

Now every student has
a worksheet.

Stop saying "worksheet"!

This is a worksheet.

Since I am holding a worksheet,

that means one student is
without a worksheet.

BO Y:
I'm done!

Negative.

Your worksheet must be completed
after the presentation.

Invalid worksheet.

You require a new worksheet.

Is that a worksheet?

This is a worksheet.

Another student is without
a worksheet.

Who is currently
without a worksheet?

Oh, my God!

I will pay you to stop
saying worksheet!

Murphy, how was your first day?

All those kids started
using dr*gs.

Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary.

Ooooooh!

Let me try!

Candyman!
Candyman! Candyman!

Get a load of this.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice!

Yeah!

Oh, yeah, you really wanna
see somethin'?

God! God! God!

See?

That's what I've been sayin'!

That is what I been sayin'!

Guess who lost their
butt-virginity

at Traci's party last night!

Yasmin!

I texted you that in secret!

Oh, my gosh, guys!

Trevor just sent me a pic!

Of his dreamy eyes?

Of his dreamy abs?

Of taking Jade's
butt-virginity.

Uh, who the f*ck is
driving right now?

No idea.

TOGETHER:
Sasha!

[All screaming]

O-M-F-G, guys, we k*lled
somebody's grandma!

I think it's Barbie.

The Bratz k*lled Barbie?

And not just
with market share this time.

Hey-o!

True that.

Good one.

We got to hide the body,
you guys.

Welcome to your new dream house.

Rest in peace, bitch.

See ya.

[Tires screeching]

MOM: Don't forget to take
your medication!

I'll never understand
why you girls

infected yourselves with
encephalitis!

Because freakishly large
heads are sexy, mom!

Duh!

No! Nooooo!

Aah!

[Laughs evilly]

My encephalitis!

I need my medication!

I need m...

Guess I blew her mind!

Oh! Oh, crap!

I'm definitely going to be sick.

Cool! New tattoos.

"You only live once."

That's deep.

Let's test that theory, bitch.

Ohh!

Ow!

[Slurring]
What did you do to me?

I extracted every ounce
of ass fat

from that wang warmer
you call a mouth!

Noooo! Muh lips!

Huh.

Actually, you look way better,
like a real human girl.

I'm ugly!

Aah!
[Body thuds]

Huh. Six of one.

[Doorbell rings]

Hello?

What?

I ran out of ideas.

Barbie's body is gone!

She's not dead!

She's taking her revenge!

What are you waiting for,
you old pink bitch?!

[Tires screeching]

Could it be?

Monster High has k*lled Bratz

the same way Bratz
once k*lled Barbie?

Poetic justice!

[Laughs]

Draculaura?

But... I thought...
the k*ller... was Barbie.

Her body...

Barbie?

You're at the wrong mile marker.

Barbie's body is up there.

[Bears growling, grunting]

Please...
I'll give you anything.

Silly Bratz.

I've already taken
everything you have.

Except... my butt-virginity.

Maestro, I'm gonna need
a little butt-virginity music.

♪ Everybody tee off ♪

♪ Get a club in your hands ♪

♪ Charisma-free sex addict ♪

♪ Savin' Dic-land ♪

♪ Welcome to the Golf Jam ♪

Aah!