07x08 - Up, Up, and Buffet

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooch!]

[Laughs evilly]

Okay, Fred.

Time for your colonoscopy.

You may feel a little pressure
when I insert the camera.

Yabba-dabba...

Yaah! Yee!

Now tell me what you see.

Me going back to college.

[Laughing]

Did you hear that?

Get the stork out of my ass!

A penis sucked
is a penis earned...

so which one of you wants
to earn this d*ck?

Okay, Mr. Franklin,
hold that pose.

[Zipper unzipping]

[Cash register dings]

[Patriotic music plays]

Don't worry, Cinderella!

We'll get you to the ball yet.

This is a spell
that works so well.

Flippity floppity flee!

Hmm.

Maybe I need to try a new spell.

Oh, Satan, make me your whore

and send Cinderella to the ball!

What the... stop that!

You want to go to the ball,
dear, right?

Well, yeah, but...

Well, my spell wasn't working,

so I had to go with plan "B."

Oh, Prince of Suffering,

free your minions from
the darkest crotch of hell

and send Cinderella to the ball!

[Demons screaming]

[Vomiting]

[Insect screeching]

[Sheep bleats]

Oh, and you also need shoes!

No! Please!

Let it stop!

Oh, silly me!

My wand was turned
the wrong way. Ha ha!

We didn't need the demons
after all!

[Sobbing]

Flippity floppity flee!

Scrooge McDuck is
an international businessman

worth over million swimming
pools of gold coins.

Now entrepreneurs will fight
for his investment.

I'll give you
two bathtubs of rubies

for % of the company.

I'm sorry.
How much money is that?

Guess what, smartass.

My offer is now one gold rock
the size of a goose egg.

Is that more or less?

I'll go in with a toilet
full of emeralds.

Get off me balls, Cuban!

Take a good look at what they
did to your father, children.

Look long and hard
so you never forget!

[Children crying]

MOM:
Jason! Dinner!

In a second, mom!

I'm playing "Rollercoaster Tycoon!"
[Mouse clicks]

[Laughs]

f*ckin' idiots.

We are shocked that such
a terrible crash could occur

here at
"No Gaywads Allowed" land.

Our park owner is
unavailable for questions,

as he is currently studying for,

and I quote,
"Some lameballs math quiz."

Yes, how do you
respond to accusations

that the park owner has been
drowning tourists in the lake?

No comment.

I would just like to point out

that these hot dogs are
a very good value.

We are very proud of
the food sold

at "Haha Hot Dogs Look
Like Dicks."

What the...

Aaah!

Aah!

[Gasping, choking]

Jiro, I am in great debt to you

for helping me train
for the Fruit Ninja tournament.

The honor is all mine, brother.

Aah! Jiro!

Was that a f*ckin' b*mb, Jiro?!

I'm so sorry, brother.

Sometimes I confuse my fruit
basket with my b*mb basket.

Your b*mb basket?!

Look, I'm sorry.

Let's just stay focused
on the training.

Jiro!

Three lit bombs?!

What the f*ck is going on,
Jiro?!

Okay, okay.
Just don't tell Mom.

I'm kind of a wanted
Japanese t*rror1st.

What?!
You're a what?!

Hey, if my bombs are here,
where's that extra fruit?

Everyone dies!

[All gasp]

Ah, damn it, Jiro!

[All shouting]

Ha ha!

That's a good-looking pie!

Yah-tah-tah-tah!

You know, maybe that Jason Biggs
had a good idea or two.

Ohh! That's hot!

That's so hot!

What's that darn ol'
Purple Pieman up to now?

Oh, huckleberry pie!

Yes! I'm so deep in you!

Oh!

Huckleberry Pie, you are accused

of fraternizing with our enemy,

the Purple Pieman.

Aw, that's bullcrap!

I know what I heard!

Whatever!

Just sentence me so I can
get back to my fishing.

It's getting a little

"Children of the Corn"
down there.

Eh.

Ugh!

Oh, right.

I f*cked this one.

Meh.

Okay, Marilyn, time for your
big scene.

Just one more taco.

We're losing the light.

But these tacos are great.

No more tacos!

Places, everyone!
Places!

"Seven Year ltch,"
Scene , Take .

And action!

[Farting, grunting]

Oops.

Cut!

What the f*ck was that?

Tacos.

Do we have time
for another take?

Oh, we just lost the light.

f*ck it.

We'll say it was a passing
train or something.

Let's move on to the next scene.

Guys, I definitely sh*t myself.

[Groans]
Unh!

Oh, no! Doc!

Someone call !

Hey, what's up everybody.

I'm Little Mac.

For years, Doc had
two passions...

training me
to punch out my opponents

and eating fried butter.

I'm heartened to see so many of
my former opponents here today.

Life is so fragile.

I, Great Tiger, was diagnosed
with brain cancer last week.

Turns out this teleportation gem

was pumping radiation
into my brain, and it...

Oh, no. No!

I can't take it anymore!

I can't control it!

Where is it taking me now?

Please! Not Detroit again!

I am Soda Popinski.

Doc suffered from Type
diabetes, just like me.

And let me tell you, I learned
nothing from this!

I'd rather die than drink
sugar-free soda!

Diet Dr. Pepper does not taste
like regular Dr. Pepper!

[Gasping]

Doc was the one who said,
"King Hippo,

get your stomach
stapled."

But he never warned me
about leftover skin!

My stomach is basically a skirt!

Whoa!

I did not know doc.

I have filled my pockets
with all the pizza rolls.

Now I am leaving.

If you think you can stop me,
you are welcome to try.

The spell is broken!

This was my true form all along.

I can't wait to
marry you, Shrek!

Marry you?

Well, yeah.

Since we look the same now,
we'll live happily ever after.

Fiona, every morning, I look
at myself in the mirror

and I wish my mother
had the courage

to throw me in the river
when I was born.

Then I make my way
to the putrid swamps,

the only place
on God's green Earth

a monster like me feels at home.

Sometimes children
gather to scream at me.

"Monster! Animal!"
They yell.

Then someone screams,
"k*ll yourself!"

And it takes
a few seconds to realize

the voice is coming
from my own mouth.

By then, I've made my way to
the old hangin' tree.

Before I have time
to think about it,

I'm wrapping a vine
around my own neck.

It goes taut, and I pray
to the gods that,

this time, the vine will hold.

But, alas, every day,
I wake up in my own filth.

And I lie there, and I cry.

I cry because I'll live
to see my face again!

So, no.

Marrying a lass with a face
as hideous as my own

is not on my to-do list!

Have you tried these mini
cheeseburgers?

Great!

Unh!

[Cheers and applause]

[Camera shutter clicks]

Aah!

A vampire!

Oh, that sailor's
a f*cking vampire!

Aah!

[All screaming]

Where is it when
I really need it?

Ugh!

Hey, She-Ra,
I made a balloon!

[Choking]

Ah, birth control is magic.

And I don't just mean I don't
understand how it works.

I mean, on my world it's
literally created by sorcerers.

When you're on the tour bus,

birth control
is whatever's handy.

You improvise.

A Hardee's cheeseburger wrapper
tied off with a hair scrunchie,

or, you know, just do a**l.

Are any kids gonna see this?

I do not like that answer.

You want to see something
really unsexy?

These are from the PX
at Cobra headquarters.

No, no, no. Wait.

It gets better.

Ugh!

In a village where the
male-to-female ratio is to ,

every other text message
is a d*ck pic.

Do boys ask for photos
of my berries?

Why, yes!

Everyone knows I have
very good berries.

Yes, like I said, my berries.

Berries.

Are you asking about my tits?!

p*ssy double entendre.

p*ssy double entendre.

Oh, here's a good one...
p*ssy double entendre.

Oooh, la la!

Got to love the bad boys.

I hooked up with Moss Man once.

Afterward, my bed smelled like

a hefty bag full
of lawn trimmings

that's been sitting in
the sun for two days.

Also, his penis was
a gnarled root.

Here's a joke.

This is a good one.

"What's the difference between
a face and a toilet?"

You know who else
doesn't know the answer?

R. Kelly.

I gave a blowjob
to O*ama b*n L*den.

Ha! The look
on your face!

I did, though.

Terrorcon ' .

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stupid monkey!