07x02 - Link's Sausages

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooches]

[Laughs evilly]

Gladys, it is time.

Oh, no.
I'm not going out like a bitch.

Wha... what are you doing?

Kicking your ass is
what I'm doing.

No, you aren't.
You're going out like a bitch.

That's the thigh-master,
m*therf*cker!

Oh, Reaper.
- Oh, Gladys.

Oh, Reaper.
[Bed squeaking]

Grandma?

[Whimpering]

[Engine sputtering]
Come on, come on.

[Screams]

You're gonna flood the engine.

Don't pump the gas.

[Engine sputtering]

Could be your carburetor.

Pop the hood.

Try it again.

[Screams]

Sounds like...
your carburetor.

Just checked.
Looks fine.

Fuel pump, maybe.

I could just call the auto club.

[Screams]

Did you check
the distributor cap?

It rained last night.

Yep, there's water in it.

Okay, try it now.

[Engine turns over]

You fixed it.
Wow, thank you.

So, you know what
we're gonna do now, right?

Whoo!
Best night ever!

Best friends ever.

Best ice cream ever.

You guys got anywhere to be?

Actually...

Yeah, right here.

Let's cruise.

[Tires squeal]

[Monotone]
Drop your w*apon.

You have five seconds to comply.

[g*n cocks]

You have four seconds to comply.

[Screaming]

Get away from me!

Edward , what do you
think you're doing?

He didn't drop the g*n, mama.

He did drop the g*n.

Aw, I'm sorry, mama.

You're coming home with me now.

You have five seconds to comply.

[g*n cocks]
Okay, mama.

You have four seconds to comply.

But I said "okay, mama."

See how it feels, Edward?

What the f*ck is going on?

Bud.

Why.

Guys, I have cirrhosis
of the liver.

- Bud.
- Why?

Because I have
a drinking problem.

Well, after crossing
the freeway,

base jumping off a cliff,

and dodging b*ll*ts
in a g*ng w*r,

we finally found my reptar doll.

Tommy, what are you doing
in the street?

Oh, thank God.
They've been lost for hours.

Where were they?

Stu, a word.

DIDI: [muffled]
What the f*ck, Stu?

STU: [muffled] Well, I'm sorry.
The babies escaped, and I...

DIDI: Escaped? They're babies,
you sack-less moron.

STU: I was downstairs, working on
a new toy, and they just...

DIDI: Oh, a new toy.
Never mind, then.

STU: Didi, if you keep ridiculing
my work, I-I swear to God...

DIDI: What? You'll hit me?
Ooh, you're such a man.

[Crashes]
STU: Didi, stop.

DIDI: I'll be the man.
[Thudding, crashing]

See, Stu? I'm the man!

[Sobbing]
STU: I want a divorce.

These Al-Qaeda drivers are the best,
and they plan to smuggle

a nuclear device
across the Mexican border.

Gonna have to fight fire
with fire.

- You don't mean...
- That's right.

We're gonna need the baddest,
brashest,

ballsiest hot-sh*t
drivers in the world,

and I know just the assholes.

[Cheering]

[Engine revs]

[Engine revving]

[Cranking, pounding]

Whoooo-ee.

Your country needs you.
You in?

Me and Uncle Sam, we haven't
always seen eye-to-eye.

We want our records scrubbed clean.
Full pardons.

One last job,
and then we're out.

I'm really confused,
and I want to go home.

Go team!

[Moans]

I-I-I-I don't...
[groans]

[Car whirring]

Nice remote-control car,
you eccentric bitch.

I'm gonna step on it.

When people try to put me
down, I use Punky Power.

"Punky Power"?

[Groans] It's what she calls
"believing in yourself."

Actually, Punky Power...
[demonic voice] is this.

[Screaming]

Oh, no.
I've heard of this.

The elders in my world spoke of
the chosen one from Earth

who would possess
ultimate power.

I will destroy the world
with Punky Power.

Stop this, Punky.
Don't destroy the world.

I was abandoned
in a grocery store.

Why shouldn't I destroy
the world?

It doesn't need me.

But I need you, Punky.
You're like my real daughter...

and I would never abandon you...
never!

Do... [normal voice]
Do you mean it?

[Panting]

What should I do with the body?

Who cares?
She's not my real daughter.

By the power of Grayskull...

I have the power!

Hey, could you not
have the power at : a. M?

Some of us have to wake up
in three hours, for f*ck's sake.

Nothing more for you here,
Agent Starling.

Fly, fly, fly.

I bit my wrist.
Look at the blood!

- [Gags]
- Agent Starling!

Multiple Miggs
will suffer for that.

Buffalo Bill
went by an alias once.

Mofet. M-o-f-e-t.

Go now!

I really cut my wrists
this time.

- Are you hurt?
- Blammo!

- [Gags]
- Agent Starling!

I didn't think Miggs could
manage again so soon.

The answer is in the file.
What does Buffalo Bill covet?

Go now!

You want to adopt a kitten?

- Where'd you get a kitten?
- It's from my d*ck!

- [Gasps]
- Agent Starling!

Are you Ret*rded,
Agent Starling?

Stop letting Miggs hit you
with his spooge.

Look, Bill hates his own
identity

and he thinks that makes him
a transsexual. Go now!

- Want to see a magic trick?
- Well, I like magic.

- Abracadabra!
- [Gags]

Agent Starling!

Miggs must have horse balls
or something.

I've never seen
anything like it.

Look, Buffalo Bill wasn't
born a k*ller.

He was made one through years
of systematic abuse.

Go now!

Agent Starling!

The exit is right here.

I don't think she's gonna
catch that guy.

You know, Mr. Mayor,

more than just children
celebrate Halloween.

So this year, why don't we cater
our celebration to adults?

What do you mean?

♪ When you're a child,
Halloween is so sweet ♪

♪ haunted houses,
candy, and treats ♪

♪ but after you turn ,

there's a brand-new reason
for Halloween ♪

♪ This is grown-up Halloween,
This is grown-up Halloween ♪

♪ Grown-up, grown-up,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

♪ I am the girl
who's dressed like a bee ♪

♪ That's not a bee,
I've seen a bee ♪

♪ I am the herpes in her
underwear,

ready to jump out
and give you a scare ♪

♪ Powerpuff Girls drink
from a flask

shared by a douche
in a Nixon mask ♪

♪ I don't have a condom
on me ♪

♪ f*ck it, this is Hallow...
[retches] ♪

♪ This is grown-up Halloween,
This is grown-up Halloween ♪

♪ Grown-up, grown-up,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

[screams]

- [Coos]
- Our baby will be safe now.

On Earth, he'll be a god
amongst men.

[Beeping, air hissing]

To think, you've found
a way to stock

enough food and oxygen
to last his long journey.

I just sh*t a dead baby
into space.

In other news,
a topographical map of Eternia

has finally been completed.

Snake Mountain is the tallest
peak in Eternia.

It better not be.

[Indistinct conversations]
Come on, man.

There's Clif bar wrappers
everywhere now!

Littering is evil, Skeletor.

We're evil.
What's the problem?

Ohh, I don't want to have this debate
with you again, Evil-lyn.

You're talking about cartoon
evil, not real-world evil,

which is essentially
a heightened narcissism.

Put it in your dissertation,
professor.

Wha... there are laws!

Bro, we are gonna summit
this thing, dude.

Hope you f*cking die, dude.

m*therf*cker!

When we blow up the peak
of Snake Mountain,

it will cease to be
the highest point in Eternia.

That seems like cutting off
your nose to spite your face.

Well, I've done that, too,

and I think the results speak
for themselves.

♪ He was born in the land of
Avion ♪

♪ with feathers on his arms ♪

♪ and a sweet-ass manly beard
right from year one ♪

♪ His mother called him
Stratos ♪

♪ His dad called him collect ♪

♪ after never coming home
from a beer run ♪

♪ Each cloud is a confidant ♪

Get... off... my... mountain!

[Laughs]

There! Light the fuse.

[Fuse sizzling]
"Once I'm a safe distance away..."

is the rest of that sentence!

My arm! It's stuck!

Me too!
It's " hours," man.

We're Franco-ed.
We're Franco-ed!

We're not cutting off
our arms, jackass.

Someone will find us.

Yeah, but if we wait too long,
we won't have the strength

to chew through the bone
and tendon.

Yeah, let's have a little less "beast"
and a little more "man."

[Yawns]
Son of a bitch!

He... wait, he's a hero.

He did this for me.

He sacrificed his arm
so I wouldn't have to.

[Whimpers]
Oh, that Stratos douche was right.

The spirit of the Mountain...

Wait, hey, I have tear ducts?

Well, nothing to do but wait for
Beast-Man to bring help.

Where's Skeletor?

[Farts]

[Groans]
Sometimes you are too much beast.

So I've heard.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk,
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk,
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk,
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

How did you know that
would work?

I didn't.

Oh...
[smooching]

Ugh, that is vile!