03x19 - President Evil

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

I know have not always
been the best husband.

That's the smartest thing to
ever come out of your mouth.

You want to know
another smartest thing

to ever come
out of your mouth?

Mein doodle!

I'm Einstein, bitch!

Einstein, m*therf*cker!

Hey, did you hear
what I said

to that bartender
last night?

I said, "I'm calling the cops.
You just served a miner!"

Oh, ho ho!
Another zinger.

You know, sometimes down here
I actually pray for a gas leak.

Uh-oh!

Watch out!

Oh, no,
we're trapped.

And worst of all,
I really do smell gas.

That could be
my IBS acting up.

Just to be safe, let's put on
our protective anti-gas suits

and let's look
for another way out.

Wait, what's that?

What in the sweet hell?

Holy crap! Run!

It's gaining on us!
We're not gonna make it!

I'll stop him.

You got a family
to think of.

What?
You're married, Bill!

Yeah, but I've always
loved you, Harvey.

What the...

Oh! Oh, Bill!

Dad, wait up!

I want you to have
my bicycle pump

because I... I love you.

Oh, only one chance.

Inflate death,
you monster!

L... I loved you, too, Bill!

I don't wanna go to sleep.
You can't make me.

I'm sorry, honey,
but it's bedtime.

I hate you.

And dolly hates you, too.

Well, you're my daughter
and I love you,

but that bitch
is gonna pay.

Hate me, dolly?!

Huh, dolly?!
You don't like me?!

Why, why, why?!

You ungrateful,
stupid ragdoll!

Stop!
You're k*lling her!

Let that be a lesson
to the rest of you!

Sleep well, baby.

I'm Danny Ocean,
and for this caper

we're gonna need more
than , , or guys.

So, team one...
Brad Pitt, Matt Damon,

Don Cheadle, Carl Reiner,
Elliot Gould, Scott Caan,

Shaobo Qin, Eddie Jameson,
Andy Garcia, Leonardo DiCaprio

Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel,
William Shatner,

Topher Grace,
Christopher Walken,

Justin Timberlake,
Antonio Banderas,

Samuel Jackson,
Kurtwood Smith, Bruce Campbell,

Jackie Chan
and Weird Al Yankovic...

you start a fight
at the bar.

Then team two...
Sylvester Stallone,

Erik Estrada,
David Letterman, Vince Vaughn,

Leonard Nimoy,
Vladimir Putin, Frankenstein,

my niece Susie,
Coco the Gorilla,

panda with a monocle,
Peter Pan, John Denver's corpse,

a mime,
Chirlaxx, the devourer of worlds,

and Ryan Seacrest...
you'll slip in the back.

Any questions?

No!

Then let's do this.

Mama, why does Grandma
walk so slow?

Because Grandma's old, honey,
and her bones are very brittle.

Mama, what's brittle?

You know, you know,
like peanut brittle, dear.

Mmm. Yummy!

Oh, hi,
little Rosa.

What are you doing?
Ow!

Where's the peanut brittle?
I want the peanut brittle.

Where is it?

Give it to me!
I want it!

Rosa, no!
Put Grandma's leg back!

Yes!
Oh, yeah!

Did you see me on TV?
I had the round of my life!

Yes, it was great.

Except for one
crucial element...

you weren't wearing
your Nike hat.

Oh, yeah, my caddy put it
in the wrong carryon bag.

I'm sorry about that.

Ha ha, you're
not sorry yet.

But you will be.

Hey, what are you...
what are you doing?

Hold him down!
No, please!

We own you, Tiger!

Own you!
Own you!

They own me.
They own me!

What is it, honey?

I've forsaken my roots.

I've let the white man
own me, baby.

Body and soul.

I'm nothing but a piece
of property to them.

So what?
Your endorsement deal

is worth
$ million,

and you're married
to a blond hottie.

And anyway, aren't you
mostly Chinese?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're
in the sandtrap, baby.

Hole in one, whoo!

Hello, ma'am, did you call
about an intruder in your house?

Uh, no.

What's wrong
with your eyes, ma'am?

Is that some sort
of a tick?

Well, if there's no intruder,
I'll be on my way.

I'd get that eye
checked out by a doctor.

Ewww!

He's got cooties!

Well, yes.
Blah blah, with the budget.

My god.

Aaah!

The carrier!
Where's the carrier?!

Don't worry,
you'll be fine.

Contagion!

Aaah!

It looks
like we got it.

Aaah!

We're too late!

Dude, I got a surprise
for my date.

I cut a hole out of
the bottom of my popcorn bucket.

That bucket's empty, dude.

Where's the popcorn?

Popcorn?

Hey, Diana,
wanna feel my penis?

Eww, why'd you
cover it in butter?

What do you mean, butter?

Shut up guys,
the trailers are starting.

Oh, that sucked.

Geez, tell the whole
theater, why don't ya?

America would
never be the same.

How could it,
after this day?

Hey, more popcorn, dude?

Aw, thanks, man.
I was just getting...

Aw, son of a bitch!

You touched my junk.

Yo, Nick, we gotta get
our steps together, dawg,

or we're never gonna get
out of this life, man.

Yo, I step
for one person... me.

# Young black people
on a rhythm team... #

Yo, I step for one person...

I know. You!

You're dying to step
for your friends,

but you're afraid your friends
won't be there to step for you.

Yo, man, step off!
You don't know me!

Alright, homies.

Look like we're gonna have
to do it without him. Okay?

Yo, it's time
to step up...

for my friends.

# We dress like thugs
but we're keeping it clean #

# Young black people
on a rhythm team #

# We dress like thugs
but we're keeping it clean #

# Young black people
on a rhythm team #

Look, dude, now I put
a hole in my soda cup.

Dude, seriously,
what the f*ck!

Oh, hey, can I have
some soda?

Sure.

Aah!

Shhh!

Hey, hey, hey,
a pic-a-nic basket.

It's pronounced picnic, Yogi.
Picnic!

Hey, my lunch.

Oh, we gotta run, Yogi.

You'll never catch him.

He's smarter than
the average bear.

Surprise.

No, Yogi!

Aaahh!

Do you like my hair?
I got it cut today.

Shh! I'm trying to watch
these trailers, y'all!

I'm just playing.
You go, trailers!

Stanley Kubrick's
A Space Odyssey

is one of the most respected
cinematic achievements

of all time.

For generations of audiences,

it's also
really, really boring.

But help is on the way.

This summer, catch
a brand-new edition

of , featuring
Playboy Cyber Girl Robin Bain.

It's full of stars!

Wow!

Yes, minutes
is a long time

to watch crap float around

set to classical music.

But not when Robin Bain is
m*therf*cking naked!

Space swimming's the best!

I'm gonna help.
I love computers!

I always wanted to do this.

I'm helping!

# Daisy, Daisy,
give my your answer... #

Naked cartwheel
Whoo hoo!

And best of all...

Hi, folks,
I'm Stanley Kubrick,

and I approve of this idea.

...with boobs!

Genius!
Masterpiece!

And now our
feature presentation

of Robot Chicken:
The Credits, The Movie.

It's gonna be
the best movie ever!

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #
# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk #

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #
# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk #

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #
# Ba-bawk bawk bawk #

# Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk #

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Ugh, the book was totally better.

Hold on,
I want to see the credits.