03x10 - Moesha Poppins

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

And despite his elfin size,
Hermey had bigger dreams.

I want to be a dentist!

You moron!

You know nothing about
dentistry!

I want to be a baker.

Yecch! You idiot!

This doughnut's filled with
tinsel!

You know nothing about baking.

I- I-I want to be a
millionaire.

I'd have to say...
"'D.' nutcracker. "

Final answer.

A woman's reproductive organ
is a nutcracker?!

You know nothing about
genitalia!

C- can I please come back,
Santa?

This is all I know.

You're always welcome here,
Hermey.

The point being,

you are more than welcome to
pursue outside interests.

The choice is yours.

# Do-do-do-do #

# I saw mommy kissing
Santa Claus #

I knew it!

That f*cking whore!

Where is he?!

Where's that m*therf*cker
Santa Claus?

What the hell, man?

He's not real.

Do you know how long it takes
to carve an ice door?

Ohh!

Aaaah!

Ohh! Oh, my brothers!

Now... where's Santa Claus?

Oh, no!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Okay, okay, okay!

He's... he's, uh, delivering
gifts, you know.

That's what he does.

So he's not gonna be back for
quite some time.

Oh, no, wait.

H- he just walked in.

Where have you been?

I know.

Know what?

Suzy saw you kissing
Santa Claus!

That's just a song, silly.

Oh!

That makes sense.

Man, I got to start listening to
more music.

I am f*cking the neighbor,
though.

Mike?
How's he doing?

Joseph, why couldn't
you get us a room?

There weren't any rooms left,
Mary.

Oh, my vag*na's about to
splat out an entire human being,

and they couldn't find me a
bed?!

It's okay, honey.

This will be fine.

Ohh!

Ew!

Oh, Joseph!

Uhh!

Oh, god!

Whew!
No more falafel for you.

Sorry.

Aaaah!

Okay, okay, now push.

Push.

Okay, that was good, honey.

You're doing great.

I'll go get you some water.

Joseph!

Ew!

Oh!
Oh, here it comes!

Aaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

Okay, baby, keep breathing.

This is it, now!

Oh, honey, that's it!

I can see it!
I can see the head! Now push!

Aaah!

Our baby!

Little Jesus... he's so
beautiful.

Hello?
Is everything okay?

I heard yelling.

Oh, it's very dark in here.

No-o-o-o-o!

That must be the sign we're
looking for!

The lord Jesus Christ is
born!

Wow! Awesome!

Go, dad!

Oh, my goodness, dear!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

Oh-ho!

Oh, no!

Aaaaah!

I'm on fire!

And that's why I converted to
Judaism.

Uh, dad,
that's a great story,

but I think you forgot to
blow out the menorah.

Damn it!

Blam!

My studies!

Oh! These are brand-new.

Slam! Ha!

That's for... uh...
Ah, nerd!

Whoa...

Oomph!

My goodness!

I've fallen into a strange and
magical land.

Well, you're no Excalibur, but
then again, I'm no King Arthur.

Hello, there, stranger.

I'm Mr....

Aah!

M- m-m-monster!

Monster!

Monster, die!

Wow...

I k*lled that creature.

I'm a hero!

Good job, Excalibur II!

But I'm freezing.

I, the White Witch, have
sensed a new...

Holy sh*t!

My queen!

Oh, uh...

care to come to my castle and
enjoy some Turkish delight?

Oh, boy!

My first sexual experience
without a computer!

Turkish delight is a candy.

Oh, boy! Candy!

And now, my champion, we will
defeat my enemy,

the talking lion!

What?!
A talking lion?

Pbht!

You mean there's no dragons or
balrogs or ringwraiths?

No, just a talking lion...

Who's an allegory for Jesus.

Well, I don't know.

Even a talking lion is pretty
scary, and I'm not all that...

Your wish is my command.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

This is the best larp ever!

Later, I'll show you how to
cross swords!

And now, young children,

may these guide you through your
journeys.

Why is Santa Claus giving us
lethal weapons?

There he is, children!

k*ll him!

Whee!

Eat your heart out,
"Worlds of Warcraft"!

This is why kids should read
good Christian fantasy

instead of "Harry Potter. "

You see that play with
Daniel Radcliffe's penis?

What kind of question is that
to ask the Jesus-allegory lion?

But, yes.

Whoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

experience points for me!

Great job, Excalibur III!

I'm bored.
Where'd I leave that nerd?

Oh, thank you, sir.

It's very tight in there.

Oh, not that nerd!

What the...

Yeah! Hoo-hoo!

You're both in big trouble!

It was worth it, my queen.

I hope you know that
this will go down

on your permanent records!

You can't tell my parents.

Do you even go to this
school?!

Do you?

Whoo!

I love office Christmas parties!

Oh, Dave is a riot at these
things!

But I'm Dave.

Then who's...

Dude, we are falling way
behind.

Let's get out of here.

Aaaah!

Oomph!

Oh, no!

We're late for Christmas play
rehearsal.

Don't worry.

Charlie Brown's in charge.

We can just ignore him and dance
repetitively.

I love dancing repetitively.

Linus!
You're awake!

Uh... why am I tied up?

Because you're going to write
me the love letter

I always wanted!

Love letter?

I need to go to a hospital.

I always wanted to be a
nurse.

They have such pretty white
shoes.

Things look bad for ol'
Linus.

Snoopy, have you seen Linus?

He was supposed to walk me to
chemo.

Can you help me find him?

Good grief.

I made snowflake soup!

I know how much you like

catching snowflakes on your
tongue!

So, basically, you made me a
bowl of hot water?

Aaah!

Val Kilmer?

Hey!

You're my brother's dog!

I should've known you'd figure
it out.

You're always so Snoopy!

Oh, hey!

Snoopy... that's your name!

It all makes sense now!

Aah!

Oh, my god!

She just m*rder*d Val Kilmer!

Where's my love letter,
sweet baboo?

This isn't a love letter.

It's a cry for help.

Did you think I'd let you mail
it?!

But, Sally, it's Christmas.

You're right.

I almost forgot.

Does this tree look sturdy
enough?

Uh... f-for what?

Ah!

Sch-u-u-u-ultz!

It... it's done.

Really?!

Can I read it?

"Dear Sally,
see the words on this page?

Please keep your eyes on them so
you don't notice

the thing I'm about to do. "

Wow, I'm hook...

Shh. Shh.

It's almost over. Shh.

Linus, thank goodness!

I've looked everywhere for you.

I was in your house,
you blockhead!

Good grief...

I can't do anything right.

Even my sister's a psycho.

I never thought she
was that bad.

She wasn't that bad at all,
really.

Maybe she just needed
a little love.

By the way,
Val Kilmer's dead.