01x19 - That Hurts Me

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

Aah!

That better not be poo.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

That'll teach you to vote for Nader!

Ha ha ha ha... huh?

What the hell?

I got laid! I got laid! I got laid!

What can I say? Nerds are hot.

Gonna tell the internet.
Laid! Laid! Laid!

L-a-y-e-d!

Laid, laid, laid, laid,
laid, laid, laid, laid!

Mmm. Hot.

Simon says... go play in traffic.

- Yay!
- Yay!

You know, movie producer Dean Devlin...

I always felt bad about screwing
millions of moviegoers...

out of their hard-earned money...

with that steaming pile of crap
we made called Godzilla.

I know, Roland Emmerich.
We should totally remake it.

A remake of a remake?

Brilliant!

The eggs, they're hatching!

Run! Run!

Aah!

Whew.

We gave you jerks $ million
to remake Godzilla...

and you gave us a steaming pile of crap!
Again!

- Yes!
- Yes!

The only thing we have to fear
is fear itself.

And spiders.

Well, yes, and spiders.
That goes without saying.

- And snakes.
- Yes, snakes, too.

And don't forget werewolves.

There is no such thing.

Ooh! Yeah! Fun! Yeah! Aha!

Aah!

That's right, folks. We've got a whole lot
of vehicles that must be sold...

thanks to Crazy Davy's
chapter debt restructuring.

Yep, there go my wife and kids.
I won't be seeing them again.

Crazy Davy's circling the bowl, folks.

Hell, just bend Crazy Davy
over the hood of this fine luxury sedan...

and cornhole him till you're satisfied.

And as a special bonus...

if you find my brains
on your windshield...

you can have my dog!

Well, better luck next time.

OK, so the only things
we have to fear...

are spiders, snakes, werewolves,
sharks, dying alone...

zombies, clowns, heights...

big dogs, robots with human brains...

Johnson's wife, and fear itself.

Man, my life sucks.

I hate working
at the stupid archery range.

Oh, what... where am I?

You're in purgatory, Doug.

Spin the wheel of reincarnation.

Oh, boy. I hope I land
on Keira Knightley's underwear.

Everyone wishes for that one.

Huggytime Bear?

Where am I?

Holy ass crackers!

Welcome!
We're the Huggytime Bears...

and we shall call you Doug-a-lot Bear.

What is a Huggytime Bear?

We spread peace and love
with our special powers.

Ah...

Let's go spread joy to children!

Oh, man, I wish I landed
on Keira Knightley's underwear.

Uh, please don't mention that
around the children.

I feel sad.

Yeah, but at least we're not gay.

Maybe we can help!

The Huggytime Bears!

Get ready
for some fun and love, every... aah!

Uhh!

What?
His name was Shamrock Bear.

He was obviously Irish
and, therefore, drunk.

Am I right, or am I right?

This is unforgivable.

Bring out the gimp! Hee hee!

No, don't!

- No!
- Oh, my gosh, I've sh*t you.

Keira Knightley?

Shh. Don't worry about a thing.
The paramedics will be here soon.

Ha ha.
I was almost your underwear, you know.

Ha ha, jerk ass!

I got you, Timmy.

L... I can't feel my arms and legs.

Previously on Big Brother...

a practical joke w*r
resulted in hurt feelings.

Oh!

Ghostface's laundry debacle
earned him the wrath of Freddy.

Aw, where the hell's my sweater?

Chill out. It's in the dryer.

You fool! The label clearly says
permanent press.

It says, whoever reaches the kitten first
will win the golden power of Veto.

Competition was fierce...

but it was Leatherface
who stood victorious.

As a result,
it was Michael and Ghostface...

who found themselves on the block.

Ohh!

Who will be evicted?
Find out live tonight.

If Ghostface got voted out,
take it from Freddy:

That would be a dream come true.

You get it? A dream?

I k*ll people in their nightmares, man.
That's what I do. It's my thing.

Last week, America voted online...

to decide which houseguest
would get to call home...

on a T-mobile cell phone.

Tonight, we have the results.

And the winner is... Ghostface!

America made the right choice,
giving the call to Ghostface.

Of course, I would've called my mum.

Today's her birthday.
I love you, Mum.

- Hello?
- I see you making popcorn.

- Who is this?
- I saw the Charlie's Angels sequel.

- That was a piece of crap!
- I'm hanging up!

Fighting boredom is the hardest part
of living in the Big Brother house.

In case you were wondering,
the answer was The Da Vinci Code.

It's time to decide
which houseguest gets evicted.

Michael, Ghostface,
you may now plead your case.

You know, I'm just trying to keep it real...

and I will treasure
the friendships I have made...

in this house my whole life.

But if it's my time to go,
hey, no hard feelings. L...

Your turn, Michael.

Stop that. Stop it!

The votes have been cast...

and the next houseguest
evicted from Big Brother is... Michael.

Michael Myers.
They just kicked you out of the house.

How do you feel?

I feel randy, baby, yeah!

- Wayne's World! Party time!
- Ow!

- Excellent!
- Ow!

Stop stabbing me! Ow!

- Ba-gawk!
- Bock.

Stupid monkey.