01x15 - Kiddie Pool

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

He's Randy, the oblivious
pizza delivery guy

Ding, dong

Here's your pizza, ma'am.

Here's your pizza, ma'am.

That'll be . .

I don't have any cash.

Is there another way
I can pay for it?

Do you have a credit card?

Isn't there another way?

Traveler's checks?

No. I mean...

Debit card?
We do the debit card now.

Jeez. You sure are oblivious.

He's Randy, the oblivious
pizza delivery guy

Ding, dong

He's about to cr*ck.

You've seen World's Most One-sided
Fistfights Caught on Film.

Now check it out
Mardi Gras style!

We take to the streets
of New Orleans...

for wild Mardi Gras fistfights...

that are more one-sided
than ever.

You gumbo crazy for
these one-sided fistfights.

These fistfights
are outrageously one-sided.

I gare-ron-tee!

What the...

And the fistfights
really get one-sided...

when Snoop Dogg makes the scene!

Hey, y'all. Snibbity Diggity!

Order now.

Your mother is so fat,
when her beeper goes off...

people believe she's backing up.

Your mother is...

Oh, my!

The Educational
Wrestling Federation...

is live and on the air.

And trust me, folks,
it's gonna be one hell of a night.

Buck McCoy here back again...

with former U.S. Secretary
of Education Rod Paige!

Hopefully tonight's event...

will be intellectually
stimulating as well as...

What's that? Something's
happening in the back!

Here comes
Benjamin Franklin...

and, ladies and gentlemen,
he does not look happy.

Franklin played a vital role
building support abroad...

for America's battle
for independence.

And, pardon my French...

but he also played a vital role
in getting his ass kicked...

courtesy of the Wright Brothers.

After last week's
Pearl Harbor job...

Franklin has got to be
hungry for revenge.

I suppose y'all saw
what the Wright Brothers did...

to old Ben Franklin last week.

Well, if y'all think
it's a bunch of bullcrap...

give me a "Boo-yah"!

Boo-yah!

And, furthermore...

It's those damned
Wright Brothers!

Their first successful
airplane flight...

took place in Kitty Hawk,
North Carolina.

You're damn right, Rod!
Those sneaky bastards!

Hey, Franklin!

It sure was fun kicking
your sorry ass last week.

And we want
to do it again tonight!

And, by the way,
the match will start right now.

They're doing it again!
They're doing it again!

Jumpin' [Bleep]
on a pogo stick...

the Wright Brothers are taking it
to Benjamin Franklin again!

It's Gandhi!

I can't believe it!
It's Gandhi!

Gandhi's method of nonviolent
conflict resolution...

- was ultimately what got...
- You're damned straight!

Mahatma's gonna resolve
this conflict with a vengeance!

Hellfire! Franklin's
going up for the c-note!

The c-note!

Yeah! Now, that's educational!

Mommy, what color
are the boobies?

Thanks.

I can still see your sac.

Welcome back
to the th season of Oprah.

Today, no dream
is too big to fulfill.

What can Oprah do for you?

Me?! Oh! Oh, my!

I'd love a nice
pastrami sandwich.

Check under your chair!

It's good.

Everyone else,
look under your chairs.

Don't open them yet.

Not yet!

What is it? Can I...

Now... open the boxes!

They're keys to a new car!

Everyone gets a new car!

OK, OK. Oprah's got a caller.
What's your wish, sir.

I would like more land
for my people...

land we can be proud of.

You want more land?

How about the entire
Louisiana Purchase!

This will look great
in my casino.

You think that's something?
No dream is too big.

Look out, America,
we're raising the dead...

so you can see
your loved ones again!

All of you who have been
laid to rest...

I want you to rise up!
The power of Oprah!

The big O is coming at ya!

We're almost out of time,
but we can end the show...

with one more dream come true.

Sally, from North Dakota,
what's your dream, little girl?

I'd like Daddy
to stop hurting Mommy.

Arr! What that
steering wheel be?

Arr! It's drivin' me nuts.

See you at the meeting.

Yeah, see you there...
douche.

Uh, oc...
occupied. Occupied.

Uh, hello?! Hello, ?

I'm in a bathroom!

Oh, wait!

Dumplestiltskin...
a creature not of your world...

but a user of its bathrooms.

When finished,
it leaves behind terror...

terror and a basketball-sized
chocolate mud baby...

from the Twilight Zone.

All right,
let's take a look at...

Good sweet [Bleep]!

You must find my client
not guilty!

Ladies and gentlemen...

you hold the fate of
this young man in your hands.

OK, y'all, the facts
in this here case seem clear...

as a new Ford windshield.

Now, the kid's boss catches him
stealing from the till.

Well, the kid's
gotta shut him up.

No! No! No!

Then the kid ditches the body.

- Guilty.
- Guilty.

- He's, like, totally guilty.
- Bark!

So, let's just vote
this sucker guilty...

and hit the bar! Yee-haw!

- All in favor?
- Aye!

- All opposed?
- Nay.

- An outrage!
- Bogus!

The witness' testimony
was totally unreliable.

Isn't it true that
your mother, sister...

cousin, and aunt
are all the same person?

Ah, duhrr.

I believe the victim's mistress
k*lled him.

Miss Herring, what was
the last conversation...

you had with the deceased?

I told that greasy mechanic...

if he went back to his wife,
I'd k*ll him.

- And did he go back to his wife?
- Yes!

- And did you k*ll him?
- Ye...

Objection! Relevance.

Uh, sustained.

Yeah! Then the five-oh
plant the DMA evidence.

You can't trust the police.

One time a police
take my shoeshine box...

b*at me with it.
My lordy!

What? Every black man
on the TV...

gots to be
a posimative role model?

But the DNA evidence
matched out of SDRs.

The defendant's clearly guilty.

Uh, you're a [Bleep] dog.

OK, so let's go over this again.

And that's why we must find
that young man not guilty.

Fine, fine!
How does everyone vote?

Not guilty.

Mr. Foreman, your verdict?

Not guilty.

Justice has been served!

It's my belief that the mistress
is guilty of this crime.

What about the fact
that Miss Herring...

was singing the national anthem
at the World Series...

at the time of the m*rder?

I told you,
I'd k*ll any man you loved...

if you wouldn't love me!
Now I'll k*ll you, too!

- Oh, no!
- No!

Sorry, pal, but you're one wrong
I've just gotta right.

Oh, I wish I had fists.

Jack Beckett, you're charged
with double homicide.

- How do you plead?
- Not guilty, Your Honor.

This is gonna be fun!
Yee-haw!

Oh, my God! He's got a g*n!

Nobody listened to me before!

Jack must die!

Tune in next time
when every dog has its day.