04x15 - Aunt Bee the Crusader

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

( doorbell buzzes )

Hello, Opie.

Aunt Bee at home?

Yeah.

It's Mr. Frisby, the egg man, Aunt Bee.

Hey, you brought Beau.

Yeah. Beau come along for the ride.

There you are.

Hi, Beau.

Hiya, boy.

Yeah.

Hey, I think he likes me.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Frisby.

Afternoon. Afternoon, Miss Bee.

Lookit, Aunt Bee. He likes me.

I think you like him, too, don't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, I tell you, as long as you two get along so good together,

how'd you like to have him for your own?

You mean you'd give him to me to keep?

Mr. Frisby, I don't think...

Well, I got to find a home for him someplace.

I'd like it to be a good one.

I tell you what you do.

You build yourself a chicken coop,

and you can have him.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Frisby.

Brought something along for you, too.

Token of my appreciation

of all the years you bought eggs from me

and being so nice to me.

A mustache cup!

And with roses.

Oh, roses are my favorite.

Good.

Want you to have it.

Yeah, giving away a lot of things today.

Giving them all away.

Why? You're not moving?

Haven't you heard?

They're running me off my property.

What? Who is?

The county.

They're extending the highway down there,

and they're runnin' it right through my property,

making me get off.

How can they do that?

I don't know, but they're doing it.

Got the notice of condemnation.

Evict me if I don't get out.

They aren't!

Mm-hmm, evicting me from the land I was born on

and my paw before me.

Well, they tear up my roots, guess I'll just wither and die.

Oh, Mr. Frisby, this is awful.

Well, the sheriff's got his duty.

Don't reckon he's got much choice.

Got to do his job.

County gives the orders.

Nothing much he can do about it.

My paw can help you.

He's the sheriff, and he can do anything,

can't he, Aunt Bee?

Well, I'm certainly going down to the courthouse

and talk to him about it.

Well, I know,

but I don't think it'll do much good.

Yes.

Now, remember,

you build that coop, and you can have him.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Frisby.

Okay, Otis, you can go.

We'll see you. Now, try not to drink it all.

Just a minute, Otis.

Hold it right there.

Ain't you going to ask him?

Oh, Barney, we always ask him.

We always get the same answer.

Ask him, ask him.

All right.

Otis, where you gettin' the liquor?

Andy, I can't tell you.

Would you betray a trust?

See?

You want me to hate myself in the morning?

No. Go ahead, Otis.

Hold it, Otis.

( whispering ): Give me a crack at him.

It's no use. He won't talk. He'll talk.

You know what I want to try on him?

Third degree. Barney...

Well, not really, but just throw a scare into him.

Oh, that won't do any good.

Come on, it's worth a try.

It's a waste of time. Come on.

Oh, for heaven's sakes. Please?

No. Let me.

( sighs ): Well, go ahead.

Thanks.

Sit down, Otis!

All right.

Where you gettin' it?

Where you gettin' it?

Where are you gettin' it?!

Don't get smart, Otis!

Now, you're going to talk!

You hear me?!

You're going to talk!

Will you quit breathing on me?!

On your feet!

Sit!

There!

I wasn't going to give you the third degree,

but now you're going to get it!

And don't you try and stop me, Andy.

Now...

All right, now!

All right, Otis...

Now, listen, Otis...

What's the matter with that thing?

Doggone thing's bent out of shape.

Nothin' works around this place.

All right... Otis, get back here!

Andy...

Andy?

Oh... Hi, Aunt Bee.

Otis, you didn't let it happen again, did you?

Oh, no, ma'am.

At least I tried not to.

I prayed for you, too.

I don't know what happens, ma'am.

I seen temptation coming,

but it seen me coming, too.

But I'll do better.

Maybe you should talk with Reverend Tucker.

Maybe he could help you.

Thank you, ma'am.

I almost had him, Andy.

He was ready to crack.

Poor Otis.

And he tries so hard.

I wouldn't say he strains himself.

There shouldn't be these temptations.

If you'd run off these moonshiners...

Aunt Bee, we're trying.

Instead of making trouble for decent folk.

That darling Mr. Frisby...

Whom we've been buying eggs from all these years...

Would you tell me why they're running him off his property?

BARNEY: Who is?

AUNT BEE: The county.

They want to extend the highway

right through his farm.

That's the county for you.

Extend a highway that already goes no place.

They ran out of money.

They ran out of brains.

They got the money now,

and the reason they want to extend it...

I'll tell you the reason: So they can raise taxes.

So they can put more people on the payroll.

Barney's right.

Barney don't know what he's talkin' about.

Now, if you'll... If you ask me,

they ought to fire the whole lot of them.

A bunch of goldbrickers and deadheads...

Every one of 'em.

Barney, did it ever occur to you that we're on the payroll?

Hmm?

ANDY: We're county employees.

We're paid by the county, you and me.

Of course.

You think I didn't know that?

They need that highway.

They been needing it for years.

They need that highway, Aunt Bee.

In case of emergency... Fire truck, ambulance

got to go all the way around by Fisher's Pond

across that wobbly old bridge.

They need that highway. Well, they don't need

to put it through Mr. Frisby's place.

Why don't they put it somewhere else?

Yeah, why can't they put it someplace else?

There ain't no place else.

There ain't no place else.

It stands to reason, you can't have

two hunks of highways that don't join up.

Highway's got to join up, all right.

Frisby's place is right in the middle.

Right smack in the middle.

Oh, Barney, will you stay out of it?

ANDY: He'll be better off.

They'll pay him for his property.

They'll give him more than it's worth.

Oh, I suppose money makes it all right.

You never did like Mr. Frisby, did you?

Don't you like him, Ange?

No, I never was crazy about him, if you want to know

the truth, but that's got nothin'

to do with it.

I'd have to evict him no matter what,

and I keep trying to tell you, he'll be better off.

You seem to forget there are some things

in this world more important than money...

Things like home and people's feelings

and where they grew up, and things like...

do unto others.

Aunt Bee, I can't do anything about it.

You could if you wanted to.

Maybe you stay around jails too much.

Maybe you should go to church more often.

Wouldn't hurt, Ange.

Maybe if you went to church more often...

Will you shut up?

Oh, hi, Paw.

Hi.

Here, wait a minute.

Go ahead. Oh, thanks.

What are you building?

I'm building a chicken coop.

Mr. Frisby's giving me a rooster.

Giving you a rooster?

He's real tame, Paw.

He follows me around just like a dog.

I know you'll like him.

He already likes me.

His real name's Beauregard, but we call him Beau.

Mr. Frisby's keeping him for me till I get

the coop built.

And know what else?

He gave Aunt Bee a mustache cup.

A what?

A mustache cup.

I guess it's to keep mustaches in.

Opie, time to get ready for supper.

Aunt Bee... uh, what is this

about Mr. Frisby giving Opie a rooster

and you a mustache cup?

I don't think that's right.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Mr. Frisby, out of the goodness of his heart...

It just looks like a way

of playing on your sympathy is what.

Well, what an idea!

He's having to get rid of these things

because you're forcing him to.

I am? You are.

Aunt Bee, it's all being done fair and square

and by due process of law.

Due process, my foot!

It's one poor lone man against the county...

What can he do?

And you stand there talking about the law.

No feelings, no justice... Just do what the law says.

Whatever side your bread is buttered on.

ANDY: Now, hold on!

You trying to tell me

how to run the office of Sheriff?

Well, somebody should.

Paw, why can't you let Mr. Frisby stay?

Because.

I keep trying to explain to your Aunt Bee,

when the interest of one man

stands in the way of the interest

of the whole county...

Opie, I told you supper's ready.

And tell your father to go wash up.

Tell her I already did.

Paw says he already did.

Tell him his supper's on the table

if he wants it.

I'm having mine in the kitchen.

I ain't hungry.

Paw says he ain't hungry.

AUNT BEE: Tell him to suit himself.

She says suit yourself.

Well, you can tell her for me

that she can...

Tell her what?

I don't care what you tell her.

He don't care what I tell you.

Paw?

What is it, Ope?

Paw, I was just thinkin' about Mr. Frisby.

Opie, you've got to realize

a sheriff don't make the laws.

It's just his job to see they're carried out.

It ain't too pleasant sometimes,

but that's the way it is.

You see that, don't you?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, bye, Paw.

Bye.

Oh, hi, Ope.

Hi, Barney.

Hi, Ange. You ready to go?

Have some coffee. No, thanks.

I filled my t*nk on the way over.

Sit down while I finish mine.

What's the matter? Is something wrong?

Yeah, I had a little argument with Aunt Bee.

Oh? Where is she, anyway?

Probably over at Clara's,

holding a wake for poor dear old Mr. Frisby.

She's still harping on that?

I know what he's doing, too. He ain't fooling me.

I know what he's doing.

He's giving presents to Aunt Bee and Opie and everybody

hoping they'll work on me.

He's doing that?

Yeah.

He give Opie a rooster, Aunt Bee a mustache cup.

We could get him on a .

What's that?

Bribery, collusion, tampering with and/or intimidation

of material witnesses.

That's a ?

Kind of a catch-all.

Huh. Won't mean anything to Aunt Bee.

That ain't the way she sees it.

She's a stubborn woman, you know that?

Yeah, well, women are stubborn, all right.

Want to hear what a famous philosopher once said

about women's stubbornness?

No.

Let's go to work.

Barney, look at that.

What's going on?

Oh! Here he comes!

( clamoring )

( booing )

WOMAN: Get out of here!

You get out of here!

Come on, get out of that car!

Ladies...

ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, please!

Please, ladies!

Ladies, ladies, please.

La... la... ladies...

Hey, Aunt Bee, ain't you ashamed?

Now, look how you got these ladies all stirred up.

No, I am not ashamed, and neither are they,

but you should be.

( ladies clamoring )

Now, ladies, ladies, ladies,

wait a minute, wait a minute, please, please, ladies.

I appreciate your feelings,

and they do you credit,

but there's times we've got to yield

to the will of the majority.

Then why don't you?

Yes, why don't you?

And accept the verdict of the law,

'cause that's democracy and that's what we got here.

What's democratic about pushing a body off of his land?

Ladies, ladies, ladies, please, the county...

the county needs that highway.

It's all been decided.

Everything's been taken into consideration,

and there's nothing you or me or anybody

can do about it.

Oh, yes, there is!

Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ladies.

That's all I can tell you.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Let me through!

Let me through here.

Let me through here.

Ladies! Ladies! Ladies!

Please!

Now, y'all heard the sheriff.

Now, you've put on a real nice demonstration here,

and I think you should all go home now

and lay down and rest...

or I'm going to have to ask you to move on, now!

You're congregating unlawfully here!

You'll have to do a lot more than ask!

We have our rights and so has Mr. Frisby!

Well, that's for the court to decide,

and the court has decided!

And it decided wrong!

Wait a minute!

You heard what the sheriff said!

Now, we can't have some minority

come down here... Minority?!

We're not!

( all shouting )

Andy, we've got a situation on our hands.

Oh, it ain't that bad.

No, I mean it... A real situation.

Men you can slap in jail,

but women... What do you do with women?

Nothing.

After a while,

they'll get tired and go home.

Don't worry about it.

"Don't worry about it"?!

Andy, that's a mob out there.

You let 'em have their way,

and that mob will grow, and it's a mob of women.

You want to be taken over by women?

I wouldn't mind.

Come on, Andy. This ain't funny.

You should have seen 'em, the way they just come at me.

( snarls )

They're scary. I mean it.

It was?

Yeah, it was!

How'd they come at ya?

( snarling )

Yeah, and Aunt Bee right out in front.

It was scary.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.

I think you can take Aunt Bee. Huh?

I mean, she's got a mean left jab and fancy footwork,

but I still think you can beat her.

Oh, you're funny. You know that?

You know, you are as funny as a crutch.

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Well, you ought to do something.

Well, you do something.

Go out there and try to talk to 'em.

Maybe they've calmed down.

Well, go on, talk to 'em.

( loud clamoring )

Situation, that's what we got.

A real situation.

I wonder if them gals are still out there.

Take a look.

( phone rings )

Sheriff's office.

Uh-huh.

Right.

Okay. We'll get right out there.

Highway department. Bulldozer's ready.

You reckon Frisby's off?

If he ain't, he's costing the county money.

Wait. Hold on.

They're gone.

Told ya.

( women singing ): ♪ ...A tree that's planted by the water ♪

♪ We shall not be moved ♪

Oh, no. Not again!

♪ We shall not ♪

♪ We shall not be moved ♪

♪ Just like a tree that's planted by the water ♪

♪ We shall not be moved. ♪

AUNT BEE: Once again, for the sheriff!

♪ We shall not ♪

♪ We shall not be moved ♪

♪ We shall not ♪

♪ We shall not be moved... ♪ All right, ladies. All right.

All right, ladies. Hold it, ladies. All right.

( shouts ): All right, ladies. Hold it!

Turn it down! Stop that music!

Mr. Frisby, you've had your notice,

and the time's up.

Now, get out of here

so this bulldozer can get to work.

Don't you budge. No.

I don't like doing this, but I got no choice.

Now, you're going to have to move.

I've got my orders.

Well, ladies, I reckon the county won,

but thanks very much.

No!

Stand your ground!

( all chanting ): Stand your ground!

Stand your ground! Stand your ground!

Stand your ground!

Stand your ground!

All right, ladies.

Ladies! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

( yelling ): Hold it!

( shouting ): Aunt Bee!

Now, ladies, I'm asking you to vacate this property

peaceable and lawful.

Now, Mr. Frisby, you're going to move,

or we're going to have to move ya.

Well, you'll have to move us, too!

( all chanting ): Move us, too! Move us, too!

Ladies, ladies...

Aunt Bee, will you please?

Move them, too!

Ladies! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Move them, too!

Barney, will you stop hollering with them women?

Try and get the livestock out of the barn.

Opie, you help.

All right, give me a hand, will ya?

( women booing )

All right, everybody out!

Come on, let's get out of there!

Call to 'em, Barney.

Here, cluck-cluck- cluck-cluck-cluck.

Here, cluck-cluck-cluck- cluck-cluck.

The heck with that!

Get out! Get on out of here.

Come on! That's an order!

Get out! Get out! Get out of here!

Where's Beau?

I don't see Beau.

Who's Beau?

The rooster.

Here, Beau.

Beau!

Here, Beau! Here, boy!

Beau? Beau? Beau?

I can't find Beau, Paw.

I can't find him.

Don't bother me now, Ope.

I got a million things on my mind.

( rooster crowing ) Paw, listen.

What?

Listen. It's Beau, Paw.

He's back there somewhere.

Well, go find him.

Well, that about does it.

Thanks. Go ahead and mount up.

Well, what now, Andy?

Well, this is the showdown.

You ready?

Yeah.

Ladies, I must ask you respectfully

and for the last time to get off this property.

Paw! Paw!

Something's wrong, Paw!

Something's wrong with Beau!

He's sick, Paw!

He's dying! Look.

( goofy trombone melody playing )

Sick?

That rooster's got the blind staggers.

Like Otis.

Where'd you find him?

Down the cellar.

I heard him crowing.

This house don't have a cellar.

Under the henhouse.

I pulled up the trapdoor, and he flew out.

Trapdoor?

Under the henhouse?

( all murmuring )

Barney, stall the women.

Keep their attention.

How? What for? Just stall them.

They might start moving this furniture back.

Do anything, but stall 'em.

Now, ladies, may I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention?

( clears throat )

Now, the sheriff knows and I know...

In fact, we all know what an effort it was

for all of you to come out here today,

and we just want to let you know

how much we appreciate this fine turnout.

Now, we've heard some mighty fine singing

here today, and, say... why don't we just sing another song?

Let's try "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."

Now, first section.

This is the second section.

This is the third section.

Now, don't come in till I give you

the signal, all right... Here we go now.

♪ Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life... ♪

You're not coming in, girls. Let's go now.

♪ Row, row, row... ♪

( all chanting ): We will not sing.

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... ♪

♪ Row... ♪

( chanting ): We will not sing.

We will not sing. We will not sing.

( all chanting ): We will not sing.

We will not sing. We will not sing.

Hold it, hold it. Good. That's good.

We was just singing, Ange.

Good.

Don't get no sudden notions, Mr. Frisby.

Just stay where you are.

Now, ladies, what am I bid for this fine old antique?

What is it, Paw?

I'd like to tell you

it's the only one of its kind,

but there's five more down there

in the cellar just like it.

Some kind of incubator, ain't it, Mr. Frisby?

That's right.

Mr. Frisby, he's real good to his chickens.

Keeps his incubator in the cellar

in case there's a cyclone or anything

so they won't get their feathers ruffled,

and down there with 'em, he's got enough corn mash

to keep them chickens sozzled from now till doomsday.

What is it, Paw?

It's a still, that's what it is... a still

for makin' moonshine!

A still!

It ain't no old New England sap bucket.

Pretty hard to make a k*lling

in chickens these days, ain't it, Mr. Frisby?

Fellow needs a sideline.

You ladies were about to help him keep one going.

Mr. Frisby, how could you?!

Well, I reckon we better go save Mr. Frisby.

All right!

Let me by.

Let him out.

Aunt Bee...

Andy?

Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.

Andy...

I just want you to know I'm very sorry.

Oh, that's all right, Aunt Bee.

No, no, I behaved foolishly.

I should've known better,

and I should've listened to you.

Oh, forget it, Aunt Bee.

Sure, forget it.

But you can understand why I rushed

to Mr. Frisby's defense.

He seemed like a poor man who needed a friend.

I had to do something.

She had to do something, Andy.

Well, I knew all along there was something going on.

The way he turned down all that money

to hang onto that shack.

You should've suspected him right off.

Yeah, you really should've suspected him.

But he seemed so innocent.

How was I to know he was actually running a still?

Why, I never dreamed!

I mean, the way he...

She means the way he, uh...

Well, I knew all the time he was a sneaky old buzzard.

I tried to tell you, and you should've listened to me.

Yeah, you should've listened to him.

Oh, stop it, Barney.

Will you stay out of this?

What's the matter?

Can't you stand somebody

who's got a mind of his own?