05x10 - Goodbye, Sheriff Taylor

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

That's right, herb,
it is an attractive offer.

Yeah, I've been thinking about
it, I'll tell you the truth.

No, no, I wouldn't mind a bit
living up in Raleigh.

That's right.

Yeah!

No, no, the money's fine.

The money's just fine.

Yeah.
I agree!

It's just a fine opportunity.

Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.

No, no, I wasn't worried
about that, herb. No.

Okay, all right. It's worth
a meetin' with the boys.

I'll be up there tomorrow
around, uh...Noon.

Okay?
All right.

Thanks, herb. Bye.

What was that all about?

Herb Mason's a friend of mine up
in Raleigh.

He's with hogart detectives.

Hogart men.

Wanted some help on a case,
I suppose.

No, as a matter of fact,
he offered me a job.

Boy, I've never seen it to fail.

Those big-city guys
are always callin' on us!

They just don't seem to be able
to develop their own manpower.

Barn, you might as well know...

There's a strong possibility
I might just take that job.

What'd you say?

The job... I might take it.

You're kiddin'!

No, I'm not. I've been thinking
about it quite a good bit.

You mean leave Mayberry?

Well, if I take the job.

Leave Mayberry?!
Partners all these years

and then, just like that, pfft!

Now, Barn, this is not
an overnight decision.

I've thought about it a lot,
and we've talked about it, too.

I told you
there might come a time

when I'd be...Movin' on!

Yeah, but I didn't think you
meant anything like quittin'!

I thought you just meant dyin'!

I just don't believe this!

All the times
we've spent together...

Going fishing and double-dating
and kidding around!

I don't know what's
going to happen

to law and order around here.

Barn, I want you

to try and understand
my reasons.

Now, now, come on,
try and understand.

Now, I've been sheriff
for years... years!

Now, that's a long time.

I don't mean I'm tired
of being sheriff...

I like being sheriff and I
like Mayberry and everything...

But I think it's time
for me to make a change.

Well, if you've
made up your mind.

No, I haven't made up my mind.

I just say there's
a strong possibility.

Everybody needs a change.

As a matter of fact,

you might be in for
a change yourself.

What do you mean?

Well...you're
the deputy.

Who else is the council

going to want to fill in
as sheriff when I go?

Me?

Well, now, it's up to you...
It's up to you.

I mean, I'm getting a new job.

There's no reason
why you shouldn't

move on up the ladder.

Well...

It's not that
I couldn't handle it.

If you can't,

I don't know who can.

A man with...
With your experience?

Well...

I'll tell you the truth,
if it was up to me,

I'd pick you for sheriff
without thinking twice.

You would?

You better know I would.

Well, when you stop
to think about it,

the whole thing does make sense.

I mean, it wouldn't be fair

to put this burden
on some greenhorn.

He'd probably crumble
under the strain.

That's right.

It makes sense...

I mean, if you gotta leave,
you gotta leave.

Naturally, you want to leave
a man in charge

that knows the score.

Well, I know you're undecided,

but, uh, you think about it

and let me know, okay?

I'm going out to
the Lucas place.

Ben's g*n permit came in.

I'll see ya.

What you say, ange?
I'll see ya.

Right, ange.

Paw?
Mm

when do you think
we'll be moving up there?

I got to take the job first.

If you take it, do you think
we'll be moving soon?

Well, I got some stuff to
clear up down at the courthouse,

and you got school.

Got to wait till the end
of the semester.

Do we have to?

Couldn't we go
before my spelling test?

I got news for you.

They give spelling tests
in Raleigh, too.

You better get upstairs
and get with it.

Don't bring home any more c's.

Well, okay.

But couldn't I go outside and
play for a little while first?

Well, I'll give you a half-hour.

Gee, thanks, paw!

Hey, I can play for a half-hour!

He sure does hate spelling.

Well, you weren't very good
at it yourself.

Andy, I do hope you're making
the right move.

It's a mighty fine offer.

I know, but we've been here
such a long time.

Maybe that's one of the reasons

why we ought to be making
the change.

Well...

Raleigh's a nice town.

Yes, but Mayberry's
a nice town, too,

and we're so used to everybody
and everything.

And, you know, Andy, you run
this town single-handed.

Oh, not really.

The town more runs itself.

Well, with Barney taking over,

there's a good chance
it'll run itself...

Right into the ground.

Now, come on, aunt bee.

Barney's never really been
sheriff.

He's always known I was coming.

This way, he'd be on his own.

Funny thing how a man
will measure up to a job.

Now, all you men are gonna act
as my deputies

while sheriff Taylor
is up in Raleigh on Tuesday.

Now, based on what you do
or what you don't do,

I'm gonna pick one of you
to be my permanent deputy

when I take over.

You'll be notified by mail.

Any questions?
Do we get g*ns?

No, judd, you don't get g*ns.

Now, it's important
for you to know

why I picked you men
in particular.

'Cause nobody else'd come.

That's not it, Otis!

It's because all three
of you have the makings

of law enforcement officers.

But that don't mean you
haven't got a lot to learn.

And I'm gonna be watching
you all the time.

I'm not gonna be easy with you.

It's gonna get tough...

And then it's gonna get tougher.

There'll be times
when you'll think

you can't even take it anymore.

So if anybody wants to leave...

There'll be no questions asked.

You can just walk
right out that door

and there'll be
no hard feelings.

Hold it!

Get back here.

You men don't seem to realize

what an opportunity this is.

All right...

Let's get down to business.

Just testing the old
reflexes, goober.

You did that good.
I did?

Yeah. On this job,
it's important to be fast!

There's only
two kinds of cops...

The quick and the dead!

All right!

Number one, step out!

Otis, you know I'm number one!

I'm number one.

Get back in the line.
Count off!

One! Two! Three.

Remember your numbers!

Okay, three, step out!

I said three, out!

I'm three.

Oh, yeah. Well...

All right, three, just relax.

I'm gonna ask you
a few simple questions.

What's your name?

Oh, Barney, you know my...

Come on, Otis,
answer the question.

What's your name?!

Oh, Otis Campbell.

Okay, Otis Campbell...

Let's just see how much lawman
you got in you.

Okay, three...
First question.

You're walking
down the street, and...

What'd you do that for, Barn?

Didn't do as good as me,
did he, Barn?

Well, you... you
should have caught it.

You just should have
caught that!

All right, get back in line.

Go on!

Did you see him throw
that tomato at me?

I wish he'd throw
something at me.

I haven't had my lunch yet.

All right, at ease!

Why'd you throw that
tomato at me, Barn?

Hold it!

Okay, number one, step out!

All right, number one,
and this is straight from the manual.

I want you to give me your
observations and your reactions

to the following situations.

First situation...
You're directing traffic

an ambulance, a mail truck,
and a fire truck

all come together at the same
intersection at the same time.

What do you do?

Sure gonna be a heck of
a wreck, ain't it, Barn?

I saw something
happen like that.

A big garbage truck
and a hook and ladder.

Down at th and main...
Was you down there?

On the corner.
Biggest wreck I ever seen...

Hold it!
Everybody back in line!

Did you see how he
hit me with that tomato?

Pipe down, three!

I think I've heard just about
enough about that tomato!

All right, one,
you heard the question!

Ten-hut!

What's all this, Barn?

The candidates, ange.

Candidates for what?

The deputy... I got
to have a deputy.

See what he did, Andy?
He hit me with a tomato.

Just plop.

He threw a tomato at me.

Ask him why he threw
a tomato at me.

You're at attention, three.

What'd you throw a tomato
at him for, Barn?

Nothing, Andy.
I'll clean him up later.

Excuse us, boys.

Barney, do you really think

you're going to find
a deputy in that group...

Goober and judd and Otis?

Now, they're just
a little raw, that's all, Andy.

Judd must be past .

All he needs
is a little training.

You better hurry.

Couldn't you find
any other candidates?

I screened a lot of them
this morning,

and these are
the cream of the crop.

Hmm. Nobody else'll
come, huh?

Andy, don't forget...
I was green when I started.

Well...okay.

I just thought I'd stop
by and check with you...

See if everything was all right

before I go on up to Raleigh.

Don't you worry about it.

You just go on up there
and have a good time.

Good luck to you.
All right, - .

See you, boys.
So long, Andy.

All right, ten-hut!!

We're at attention, Barney.

We've been at attention
all this time.

What are you doing talking
when you're at attention?

Oh. Sorry.
At ease, men.

You mean we can talk now?

Attention!

Barney...

We were playing ball
over on maple street

and the ball went
down the sewer drain.

Georgie tried to reach
down there and get it

and he got his head stuck.

Is he all right?
Yeah, just stuck.

All right,
we'll get him right out.

Hello, Sarah?

Get me the department
of public works.

Well, I don't care.
This is police business.

You clear the line.
We'll get him out.

Hello. Uh, this is
acting sheriff Fife speaking.

Listen, there's a little boy

with his head
in one of your sewers.

Yeah, that's right.

On maple.

Well, he's got blond hair,
and he's about ten years old.

Right. Okay.

Get him right out.

Thanks, Barney.

Barn, something happened.
Huh?

Oh, you know down at the school
crossing, little Jimmy Jackson? Yeah.

Well, he wouldn't
cross the street. So?

Well, it was my job,
so I crossed him.

What happened?
I was pulling him,

and he fell down
and skinned his knee.

Oh, Otis...
Yeah, I know...

I...oh...
What'll I do?

Well, get this first aid kit

and go on over there.

Get moving, get...

Hello

well, now...
Well, slow down, Harry.

Talk slower.
I can't understand you.

He did? Well...
Put him on, will you?

Uh, judd, listen, just because
you're an acting deputy

don't mean you can help yourself
to free fruit.

Now, put that back.

Don't get excited, Harry.

We'll make it good.

I got to go.

Oh, who's in charge here?

Oh, what can I do
for you, Mrs. Jackson?

What's the big idea of dragging
my little Jimmy across the street?

Now, don't get excited.

Otis was just doing his job,

you know, protecting
the school kids.

But Jimmy doesn't have
to cross the street.

We live on that side!

Oh, Barney...

Oh, j-just a minute, aunt bee.

I never heard of such a thing.

Hello! Well, how many sewers
you got on maple?

Barney, you'd better
get outside.

Just a minute, aunt bee.

Yeah, well,
that's probably the one.

Barney, will you get outside?!
I am, I am.

Hey, Barney, when are you going to
get George's head out of the sewer?

He's holding up the game.

I don't know.
I just...Don't know.

Oh, Barney,
Mrs. Jackson

just hit me on the head
with her purse.

What do I do now?
Hit her back!

How do you expect me
to get out of here?!

Goober, what happened?!

I don't know, sheriff.
I just don't know.

First, this big
lumber truck come by

and then this milk truck driver

got mad at me for letting
miss haskett through

and then, sheriff...

Don't call me sheriff!
I ain't the sheriff!

Well, you gonna be.

Oh, that sure was
a big one, Barn.

I haven't seen
a traffic jam like that

since the ' world's fair.

Oh, it was big. Big.

Now, that wasn't my fault.

That was goober.

You give a guy
a pair of white gloves

he can't stop waving his arms.

It sure was a beaut.

Oh, boy, wait till
Andy hears about this.

Too bad no one took
a picture of it.

Listen, these things
happen, Floyd.

There's no need
to mention that to Andy.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Well, Barn, I guess you know now

what to expect
when you become sheriff.

You know, Floyd...

I don't think the job's for me.

I mean, I can't stand
being cooped up

in an office like Andy can.

I mean, I'm an action guy.

I've got to roam.
I've got to keep on the go.

You sure were on the
go today, all right.

'Course, nothing else was.

Well, I wish Andy'd stay on.

Oh, say, speak of
the devil, look.

Now, you don't have to say
anything about that traffic jam.

It's just not important.

Uh, okay, okay.

Barn, Floyd.

Andy, how are you?

Fine.

You missed it, Andy.
Floyd.

Missed what?
Nothing.

Just a little traffic jam.

Was it bad? Nothing.
It was cleared right up.

How was your trip?
Fine. Long drive.

Hot up there in Raleigh.

Oh, yeah,
it's terrible up there.

'Course, here in Mayberry

we've got this nice, cool breeze

that comes whippin' right
down the street here.

It was sure hot
awhile back there

with that traffic jam.

You, uh, really didn't
like it up there, huh?

No, I liked it fine.
It's a nice town.

Oh.

Yeah, nice town, nice town.

Want a haircut, Andy?

No, thanks, Floyd.

I expect I better be
getting on home.

It'll be suppertime pretty soon.
Yeah.

I'll see you, Barn, Floyd.

Bye, Andy.

Getting a little shaggy
in the back there, Andy.

Well, he's leaving.

Sure going to miss
cutting his hair.

Oh, he's got nice hair.

It's soft, but it's strong.

It's easy to clip.

No two ways about it.

We've got to find a way
to keep Andy here.

Yep, he sits real still
in that chair, too.

He doesn't fidget one bit.

Floyd, I think I got it.

I know how we can keep Andy here.
What?

I know how we can keep him
from going to Raleigh.

Well, how are you
going to do that?

All we have to do is
manufacture a little trouble.

Well, you being sheriff
is trouble enough.

That should keep him here.

I'm not talking
about traffic jams.

I mean a crime wave.
Oh...

Oh, but that traffic jam...

Oh, that was a big one.

Will you forget
about the traffic jam?!

How much did he get, goober?

Uh, near as I can
make out, about $ .

$ . Did you get
the license number?

No, couldn't make it out,

but he had one of them
little red sports cars

and a big shotgun.

Remember what he looked like?

He was wearing
a big, black mask...

Uh, two beady eyes.

Well, how tall was he?

Uh, big...
Real big and tough.

Let me see
if I can get this straight.

Now, he was driving
a little red sports car...

...carrying a shotgun...

...and wearing
a big, black mask.

Didn't you get
a little suspicious?

He could've been hunting ducks.

Wearing a mask?

Well, uh...

They are out of season.

Oh, sh**t, Barn. You promised
we could hold up the bank.

Goober, I want you to take
the east side.

And, Otis, I want you...

Oh, sir, this is sheriff Fife.

Get me sheriff Taylor.

Yeah?

Ange?

Yeah, Barn?

Listen, we've got big trouble.

There's a bunch
of wild kids in town

just whooping and hollering
and screaming and carrying on.

It's wide open, ange.

No telling where it'll end up.

I don't hear anything.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo!

Can't you make them stop that?

Well, I don't know
how many there are.

I might need reinforcements.

Okay...I'll be right down.

Goober, pull them drawers out.

Throw them on the floor.

Those towels cost me cents
apiece to wash.

Well, you want this place
to look authentic, don't you?

I mean, Andy's no fool.

It's got to look like
it was robbed and looted.

He's coming, Barn!

All right,
everybody take your places.

Act hurt, act hurt.

Act hurt.

How about a haircut, Floyd?

Out, out, judd, get out.

Out, out, out.
But all I want's a haircut.

What happened? Well,
it looks like as*ault and robbery, Andy.

Floyd's been assaulted.

Assaulted me...
Great big fella.

It was vicious. Oh, it was vicious.
Assaulted me.

You all right?

Well, I guess.
My shoulder hurts, though.

He pushed me, you know.

I've never been
pushed that hard...

Oh, it was a real as*ault.

You want a doctor?

He don't need a doctor.

I checked him out myself.

Why don't you give him
your account, goober?

Well, this big feller
walked in, and...

Oh, b fella...
Oh, he was real big.

He said, "give me a haircut"

and I said, "I'm busy,"
so he said, "all right,

then give me all your money,"

and he pushed me on the floor.

And he pushed me real hard.
He assaulted me.

Barn.

Barn...it don't take
much of a detective

to see this whole
thing's a put-up job.

What are you talking about?

Now, I know what you're
trying to do, Barney.

Believe me, I know what
you're trying to do

and don't think
I don't appreciate it,

but you can stop now.

Well, I'll tell you
the truth, Andy.

I...i just don't want
to be the sheriff.

I know you don't...

And I do, so...

You're staying?

Well, Raleigh's a nice town,

but aunt bee likes it here

and Opie likes it here
and...I do, too,

and I was just wondering
what all I'd have to give up

to be a big detective.

Seems like I'd be giving up
an awful lot.

I just remembered
something else, too.

He had a big scar...

Knock it off, goober.

And with sheriff Taylor
back in charge

there won't be any more
need for any deputies.

I want to thank all of you
for helping out, though.

I really appreciated it.

There'll be a little something

in the mail for you...
A little $ check.

I ought to get more.
I had to buy a new shirt.

You ought to have
caught the tomato.

Ain't but two kinds of cops...
Quick and the dead.

All right, boys, all right.
Now, thank you very much

and we'll see you
some other time, okay?

Hey, we'll see you, Andy.

Bye.
See you, Andy.

Will you drop me off,
number one?

Come on, number two.
Come on, number three.

You can forget
about them numbers.

Well, I guess
that about wraps it up.

I guess.

I hand the job back over
to you with pleasure.

Well, Barn...Seems like
the only thing wrong

you just got
a little too excited

when everything started
to happen at once.

Oh, are you kidding, Andy?

You should've been here
that day.

It was a crazy house.

Well, that's just when you've
got to take things in stride.

Stride? They were crawling
all over me.

Well, Barn, just stay calm.

Just stay calm.

Yeah, I suppose.

Didn't you see my signal?
What, are you blind?

What in the world happened?

Why don't you watch
where you're going?

I had the right of way!

All right, what happened?
Andy, he run into me.

Now, how could I have...?

All right, all right...

Now, just hold it, hold it.

I'm suing goober.

He got my pants
ripped. Look.

Judd...judd, please.

Judd...

Morning, Andy.

Barn.

Well, how'd things work out
with that accident?

Oh, okay.

It's in the hands of
the insurance company now.

You got pretty excited there
for a while, didn't you?

Well, yeah. With everybody
screaming and yelling at once.

Now you know
what I went through.

Well, everything's back to normal now.
I guess.

I guess I'll get out on patrol.
Okay.

I'll see you.
All right.

See how you like it!