Here darling
Cleopatra don't gulp
Morticia
Did you see the paper this morning?
The bottom fell out of the stock market again
They really ought to fix that rickety old place
the bottom is always falling out of it
Oh, it's not the place,
it's the stock
And you know, Gomez could lose millions
in a good market, but boy
I bet he lost his shirt today
He has plenty of shirts.
It's his money I'm worried about
Calm down, Blooker
You've been my broker long enough to know
that a little market crash doesn't scare me
Why, my Consolidated Funds
climbed to 60 yesterday
Unfortunately I'd sold it
the day before
Blooker I just feel like buying a railroad.
A little surprise for my wife
We'd better find Gomez
and see if everything is all right
Thing
Would you finish feeding
Cleopatra, please, Thing?
That's good. Now
mind your manners, dear
Blooker, I know fortunes have been lost
speculating on railroads, but what's a fortune?
But Mr. Addams the people
I'm talking about went broke
Broke?
They're absolutely penniless,
wiped out
That's incredible, Blooker,
incredible
Broke you say?
Penniless?
Wiped out?
Ghastly, absolutely ghastly
Uncle Fester, this is shoking
It's worse than I thought
Oh the poor poor dear
Poor thing is right. They wiped him
out like a greasy skillet
It's hard to believe, Blooker
As a token of my sympathy,
write them a check for 100,000 dollars
And now get moving on that railroad
Oh, dear
Oh, thank you, Thing
And thank you Cleopatra
It's so nice to know you have friends
at a time like this
Morticia, what are we gonna
do for money?
I'm too proud to beg
and too lazy to work
Never mind, Uncle Fester
I'll think of something
It's Gomez I'm concerned about
The poor dear, he must never know
that we know
It would k*ll him
If his life insurance is paid up
that could be a solution
Uncle Fester!
Hello, Fester!
Ah, there you are my dear
I'm gonna be busy all day
If you want me for anything I'll be in the library
on my private line to my broker
Pawnbroker?
I know a fellow that will...
No, no. Stockbroker
Naturally, Uncle Fester
I'll buy up a little stock, nothing big,
just a few millions here or there
You know, a little pastime
Oh, that poor brave darling man
Did you see him? Laughing
in the face of disaster
It almost made me cry
Almost? It does make me cry
Buck up, Uncle Fester
I'll call the family together.
We'll handle this
Spend another million.
Just keep buying
Now, how much stock
do I have so far?
100,000 shares so far
Fine. Now, how much do I need
to control the company?
200,000
But Mr. Addams, what do you want with a
broken-down railroad like Big Swamp and Southern?
You'll never make any money with it
Make money? I've got money
What I'm looking for is excitement,
adventure
Adventure?
Now, frankly Blooker, I'm getting
a bit bored with my model trains
I'm just itching to get my hands on
a real railroad
Think what a wreck I could have
with those babies
Wreck?
What else?
Oh, we'd keep the people off
All right, now Blooker get moving
And Blooker, keep my name out of this.
I don't want Wall Street to know what I'm doing
We must think of ways
to make money
I know an easy way
Oh?
Print it
Uncle Fester, that's ilegal
It is?
I can get a job as a bunny girl
No. No, I don't like the hours
Besides that atmosphere!
You're much too sweet and innocent
How about... beaty expert?
Beauty expert
Yeah, you know, a hairstylist
That's perfect, mama
Now remember we must
keep this from Gomez
Just tell him it's a lark
Wednesday and I
are gonna pitch in too
We're gonna open a drink stand
on the sidewalk
Marvelous
What are you gonna do, mother?
I think I'll give fencing instructions
and tango lessons
I'm going to start an escort service.
Me and Lurch
You know, hire out for dates
like with... rich widows. Eh, Lurch?
I'm sure you'll be an instant success.
You're both such fascinating types
Look, mother!
Thing wants to help too
How sweet!
Thank you, Thing
I feel so good being my own boss.
I think I'll take the rest of the day off
Oh, it's almost perfect
But, do you think it could stand a little
dash of hemlock juice?
That's it. I knew it needed something
What a lovely sign!
We gonna paste a picture on it too
Oh, that's a marvelous attention getter
You children are going to be
fine little merchants
Uncle Fester, what are you doing?
Practicing for my escort service
You see, I figured I'll have all different
kinds of women for costumers
So I gotta be all different kinds
of men for them
Oh
Well, you know if they like Cary Grant
I'll be Cary Grant
Hello duck,
what are you doing today?
And if they like their Frank Sinatra
Well I'll be Frank Sinatra
Love is wonderful
the second time around
Uncle Fester,
I think that's a mistake
Yeah, I think I better get another song
No, no. What woman could possibly ask
for more than Uncle Fester himself?
Well, you got me there
Well well, what's going on?
I haven't seen so much activity since the night
I hid the hornets in Aunt Phobia's sleeping bag
Darling, this is something I'm doing
for the children
I think every child should know
the value of money
By george, you're right
Attention, children
Five pennies make a nickel,
two nickels make a dime
ten dimes make a dollar.
You got that?
Yes, father
Good. Now you know the value
of money
We're running a little low on cigars
You rang ?
Lurch, you better pick me up
another thousand cigars
The dollar size
Thank you
Well, back to the stock market.
Have fun everyone
Oh, that sweet darling man.
He's trying so hard not to let us know
A thousand dollars worth of cigars?
I'm not sure we can afford him
Oh look, Gladys, this must be
one of this gigolo places
Fifty dollars an hour?
Ooh, they must be absolutely dreamy!
See for yourselves, girls
What's the matter with them?
Flighty
Well, how's business, kids?
Pretty slow, sir
Gee, with a cute sign like that
you should be doing great
"Henbane on the rocks"
Boy, those trade names
get wackier every day
Let me have a tall one, son
Yes, sir
Well, always like to help out
the small businessman
Cheers
Would you like some more?
I'd like some help.
I'm gonna tell my lawyer about this
See? Satisfied costumers
always tell their friends
Oh my, why, I've tasted better
glue than this
Maybe we ought to sell glue
on the rocks
I bet mother is making
lots of money, though
En garde
And parry, thrust
Parry thrust
How are you doing, Morticia?
Are you teaching him anything?
Oh mama, I'm so disappointed.
I haven't had a pupil all day long
I'm pretty disgusted too.
I went to every beauty shop in town
Nothing
I'm very surprised.
Your talent is so obvious
Honey, it isn't what you know
it's who you know
That's true
Good man, Blooker.
Keep spending
My dear family, I'm afraid
we didn't make very much today
But Thing sold a pencil
Thank you, dear Thing
Just a nickel?
We made a quarter
That's wonderful, dear
But the man is going to sue us
Morticia
I guess I was high man for the day,
I made a dollar
Oh, uncle Fester, that's wonderful!
Your escort service must be catching on
Well, not exactly
A lady gave it to me when I popped up
from behind my sign
Said it cured her hiccups
Nothing like a fiery tango right after breakfast
to stir up the old hormones
It is exhilarating
Well, mind if I cut in?
Please do
This reminds me of the junior prom
my date looked just like Gomez
Well, I can't dance the day away
You got a job?
Fester! Don't be cruel
Sorry, slip of the tongue
Darling, you do have some financial
plans don't you?
Nothing important, my dear,
just a little amusement
Gomez
Do you have something to tell me?
After all, I am your wife
No need to remind me of that
cara mia
Morticia thought you'd like
to talk about money
Money? Why should I bother her pretty
head with a thing like that?
You're not well, Fester
Mail's in
I'll get it, my dear
Thank you, Thing
Ooh, the circular I sent for
from the yacht company
Thought I'd buy a yacht
and take us all in a world cruise
A cruise?
At a time like this?
I kinda think we could use
a change of scenery
The Dead Sea perhaps.
Some fun place
Ten o'clock, market is open.
See you later
That settles it. I'm going to sell
everything we own
I must get money for Gomez
You mean auction him off, huh?
Oh, you mean get money
to give Gomez?
Yes, dear
Now, you come upstairs with me and help me
get out the family jewels and treasures
Are you ready?
Ready
Uncle Fester, I do think we ought to
have gotten the combination from Gomez
Oh, it wasn't locked. I just like to keep
in practice on my safe-blowing
You do have a delicate touch
Oh dear, I dread to think of selling our
family's heirlooms and treasures
Cousin Crimp's glass eye
Those were the days
when men were men
Uncle Fester, look,
Pugsley's baby spoon
He always did have a strong bite
And not a bad bark either
What's that?
Oh, I had forgotten all about that
It was a gift for my 12th birthday
from grandpa Droop
Stock certificates
A hundred shares, Big Swamp
and Southern Railway
I read something about that
in the paper today
What did I do with today's paper?
Yeah, sure, there it is
Wall Street is intrigued by
a mystery financier
who is buying stock in the
Big Swap and Southern Railway
Uncle Fester, do you think
maybe he'd buy this?
Why don't we call a broker
and find out?
What' s the name of that outfit
that Gomez deals with?
Blaker, Blacker, Blooker?
Blooker and Company
Oh, but I don't wanna embarrass Gomez
by telling some stranger that we need money
Why don't we give him
a phony name?
Phony name?
Jones?
What kind of a name is that?
Smith?
Much better
What do you mean you can't find
any more stock, Blooker
I need only another hundred shares
to control the whole railroad
Mr. Addams, there isn't
a single share for sale
I've got men looking
all over the country
Well, have them looking
in the city too
Just a minute
Hello
Who?
Mrs. Smith?
What?
We certainly are interested in
buying your stock
I can pay you... $10,000?
Well, that's awfully nice of you
He's offering $10,000
Then ask for twenty
I'd like twenty
He'll pay twenty
Good, make it 30,000
I'm sorry but I'd...
Thirty thousand?
Crook!
Hello
Uncle Fester!
That always makes them
a little more anxious
Mrs. Smith?
Yes, Blooker
I found the hundred shares stock for you
Good man!
I knew you'd do it
But I lost it again
You lost it?
That's mighty careless, Blooker
Put an ad in the lost and found
Uncle Fester I'm worried
Big business.
You better play it cool
But hanging up on him
Yeah, maybe that was
a little too cool
I think I'd better
ask Gomez his advice
You can't tell him
what we are doing
Uncle Fester, you're not the only one
in this family who can be cool
But Blooker, what if she doesn't
call back? What then?
No problem.
I'll k*ll myself
Good thinking
Blooker if you do get that stock for me
I'll buy you the biggest thickest
juiciest camel hump steak in town
What do you have to say to that?
I'll k*ll myself
You've got a one-track mind,
Blooker. I like that
Tish, even when I speak french
it drives me wild
Darling, I wanna ask your advice
You know I'm trying to teach Pugsley
a little bit about business
A chip off the old block, that lad
Well, he decided to sell his flea collection
and a boy at school is offering him thirty thou...
thirty dollars for them
There's a simple rule, my dear
Never accept the nine first offers,
when they come up with number ten grab it
Take the tenth offer
It's known as Addams Law
Or "how to slit your competitor's throat
without getting blood on his necktie"
What a colorful phrase
It isn't for nothing they call
me The Plunger
- The men on Wall Street?
- The men in the plumbers union.
But Mr. Addams I've got my secretary
calling every Smith in the book
Just a minute
Hello
Mrs. Smith
It's Mrs. Smith, she called back
Good. Don't let her get away.
Offer her 50,000
Right
Mrs. Smith, I can offer you
50,000 dollars
Fifty thousand...
Buzzardfeed
I'm sorry, I'm afraid that's is only
your fourth offer. Please continue
She wants more
Make it sixty thousand
How about 60,000 dollars
- Well...
- Seventy thousand
Who is that?
I'm another customer
that's who is that
I wanna buy her stock myself.
I'll go eighty thousand
She's got another buyer
Great shades of Hades!
Run him out, bid his head off!
How about $100,000 ?
Isn't that sweet? Thing wants
go get on the bidding too
Two hundred?
I'm sorry Mr. Blooker,
I have a third bidder at $200,000
Wait a minute
Now look, I wanted to bid
300,000
350,000
400,000 Mr. Blooker
500,000
600,000
Let's see if you top that,
nimble knuckles
He can't go any higher,
that's all the fingers he's got
Oh, poor thing
Now I've gotta have that railroad, Blooker.
I just wrecked my last locomotive
Just a minute, Blooker
What is it, Thing?
You think I can get
the railroad for that?
Thank you, Thing
I'll make one more offer, Blooker.
One million dollars
I'll try
Mrs. Smith?
Mrs. Smith? This is my last final offer
One million dollars
It's his tenth offer!
- How much?
- What difference does it make?
Sold for $1 million
I can hardly wait to get my hands
on that railroad
Nice going, Booker
To show you my appreciation I'm gonna
send you a couple of freight cars
Gomez, darling!
Guess what I made today?
That fabulous bat broth of yours
No, a million dollars!
Oh. Well, I have some real news for you
I just bought a railroad
Oh darling, that's wonderful but
A railroad?
Big Swamp and Southern
When I blow those tracks
it'll be the wreck of the century
Oh, he bought a rail...
The Big Swamp...
He bought it
Addams here.
Hello, Blooker
You heard what?
The Big Swamp and Southern
sank into the big swamp?
Clear out of sight, eh?
Thanks for calling me
Oh, well.
Easy come, easy go
I do hope this shawl isn't too short
for cousin Crimp
Looks perfect.
And so does this
What's that dear?
I bought your stock querida,
I intend to pay for it
Oh, nonsense
Even though you're still wealthy
I refuse to accept it
It's a matter of honor, querida
There you are,
a check for one million dollars
First National Bank of Siberia?
Nice bunch.
Always pay in cold cash
Are you sure?
Come to think of it, we Addamses haven't
done any business with them since 1917
Things may have changed since then
Forget that check,
I'll write another
"Second Natinal Bank of Peking"
How could I ever have doubted
your financial genius?
Querida, we all make mistakes
Darling. Let's celebrate
Wine, Thing
Thank you, Thing
How convinient, instant wine
- Cara
- Darling
01x26 - Morticia, the Breadwinner
Watch on Amazon Merchandise Collectibles
Morticia and Gomez Addams head a perplexingly macabre family whose members include a giant named Lurch, who acts as doorman, a disembodied hand named Thing, not-quite-right son Pugsley and morose daughter Wednesday.
Morticia and Gomez Addams head a perplexingly macabre family whose members include a giant named Lurch, who acts as doorman, a disembodied hand named Thing, not-quite-right son Pugsley and morose daughter Wednesday.