Gin: "I only received one New Year's card this year. From a beauty salon..."
Gin: "I didn't receive a single one."
Gin: If anyone out there says any of that crap in the classroom after winter break,
Gin: starting next year, execute 'em!
Gin: That joke is as old as New Year's cards and beauty salons.
Gin: It's too much effort to pretend to brag about that sh*t.
Gin: I'm sick of it!
Gin: The practice of appearance for appearance's sake!
Gin: Enough of this farce!
Gin: Starting next year, execute every single person who sends a New Year's card!
Gin: Is that your final answer?
Shin: Yeah, yeah.
Shin: Execute away next year.
Shin: All by yourself.
Kagura: Stop babbling like a kiddie.
Kagura: Pen to the paper, pillar of society.
Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year's cards
Gin: Only received a card from a beauty salon?! Lame-o!
Gin: Idiots!
Gin: Why do people get so excited?!
Gin: Happy, my ass!
Gin: There's nothing to be happy about!
Gin: This show follows the Sazae-san format. We're stuck in the same year forever!
Gin: It's a waste of time!
Gin: And why are we doing New Year's cards now?
Shin: We don't have a choice.
Shin: The manga kept on rolling with seasonal material while we were on break.
Kagura: A year's worth of joy, all at once.
Shin: Look.
Shin: We got a bunch of cards from our clients.
Shin: If we maintain a friendly relationship with our clients,
Shin: they might give us more work.
One hour later...
Gin: There's no end in sight...
Gin: By the time I finish writing all these hope-you-have-a-great-years,
Gin: it'll already be next year.
Gin: And why do you guys look like you're enjoying this?
Shin: Huh?
Shin: This isn't that bad.
Shin: We get to catch up on what's happened.
Gin: You mean when they talk about starting a new life together
Gin: with a wedding picture attached?
Happy New Year
We are blessed to celebrate our first New Year's together.
I hope that I will be able to serve as your editor for a very long time.
New Year's Day
Atsushi and Chihiro Nakasaki
Gin: You shouldn't assume that other people will be happy about your happiness, fool.
Shin: Uh....
Shin: Wait, who is this?
Gin: And some people are like,
Happy New Year
I appreciate everything
Kouhei Oonishi
Gin: "We have a new member in the family!" with a picture of a baby.
Gin: Don't make it sound like this just magically happened.
Gin: Just write that you had a baby after ****ing like rabbits.
Shin: Nobody's going to say that on a New Year's card!
Shin: And who is this?
Shin: Who are these people?!
Gin: Also...
Gin: Don't bother if you're feeling lazy.
Gin: You'll end up hurting someone's feelings.
Card, Weekly Shounen Jump wants to thank you.
Card, Yuu Saitou
Card, Manuscripts are more important than your health!! -Saitou
Shin: This wasn't sent to you, was it?
Shin: And those editors are seriously brutal!
Shin: But I like how New Year's cards are short and concise, unlike letters.
Shin: Oh, look.
Shin: There's one from Sakamoto-san.
Gin: From Tatsuma?
Sakamoto: Last year's Taiga drama was about me.
Gin: What kind of message is that?!
Gin: He wants to fully exploit his brief surge in popularity!
Gin: You're getting another year of spot appearances in the openings and endings!
Shin: There's also one from Mutsu-san.
Mutsu: Don't bother tearing this up.
Kagura: I also received cards from the Kaientai.
Gin: Why did they send cards to each of us?!
Gin: That's so obnoxious!
Gin: They're really dying for some screen time!
Shin: Wait...
Shin: There's a card from the Kiheitai!
Gin: Huh?!
Gin: From Takasugi?!
Takasugi: Happy New Year.
Takasugi: I'll be destroying everything again this year.
Gin: No way...
Gin: He sent a New Year's card?
Gin: Isn't this more like a declaration of w*r?
Kagura: It might be a death thr*at.
Matako Kijima, Bansai Kawakami, Henpeita Takechi
All: The Kiheitai made an appearance in this year's Taiga drama.
Gin: You too?!
Gin: Does everybody want more screen time?!
Shin: Oh, there's one from Katsura-san.
Gin: What?
Gin: Zura gets plenty of screen time.
Katsura: I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
Gin: Like I give a damn!
Kagura: He never had a chance to jump in since there were so many characters around.
Shin: He sent a whole bunch.
Katsura: Has Lady Kyubei taken over the role of token hardhead? {I shortened the timing on these lines so we wouldn't have the entire screen taken up with subs -laf}
Katsura: I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
Katsura: You no longer need me with Lady Kyubei around?
Katsura: I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
Gin: We already said that your characters don't overlap!
Katsura: I was a character in this show before Lady Kyubei was.
Gin: You're just a psychotic moron!
Gin: Man, these people aren't taking this seriously.
Gin: They make the silly Nakasaki couple look brilliant.
Shin: Gin-san, someone else got married.
Gintoki and Ayame Sakata
Sa: We got married!
Sa: Guess I'm first, Otae.
Gin: The hell is this?!
Shin: It's no use, Gin-san.
Shin: She sent a whole stack.
Gin: That bitch has really done it now!
Gin: Look at the shoddy picture!
Gin: That's somebody else's body below my face!
Kagura: Someone sent a card to congratulate you.
Ketsuno: Congratulations!
Ketsuno: Make sure you don't end up getting divorced.
Gin: Ana Ketsuno!
Gin: What has she done?!
Kagura: Looks like she sent them everywhere.
Hinowa
Hinowa: Happy New Year.
Hinowa: And congratulations on your marriage.
Hinowa: This news will make Tsukuyo sad.
Tsukuyo: May you be happy together!
Seita
Seita: Ever since Tsukuyo heard that Gin-san got married, she's been feeling down.
Tsukuyo: May you be happy together!
Tsukyo
Tsukuyo: I appreciate your help last year.
Tsukuyo: Don't make your wife cry.
Tsukuyo: May you be happy together.
Shin: This is getting awkward...
Shin: It's obvious that Tsukuyo-san edited their cards.
Kagura: You also received one from the monkeys.
Doesn't he look just like Shinpachi-kun?
Kondo: Congratulations!
Kondo: I hope that our kids get to go to school together.
Shin: How many steps did that stupid gorilla skip?!
Shin: Just like me?!
Shin: It is me!
Gin: Whoa.
Gin: He also sent his everywhere.
Strawberry milk
Otsu: Thank you for all the supportapoop!
Otsu: I hope that you and the gorilla are happy together.
Shin: Otsu-chan!
shin: She's got this totally wrong!
Gin: Look.
Gin: There's one from the Yagyu household.
Kyubei: I'm going to m*rder the gorilla.
Kyubei: I'm going to m*rder the gorilla!
Kyubei: I'm going to m*rder Kondo!
Shin: Wait!
Shin: Kyubei-san's cards are the ones that need editing!
Shin: Her murderous rage is plain to see!
Kagura: Gin-chan, here's another one from Zura.
Gin: Why?!
Gin: Don't tell me that he's also lying about getting married...
Katsura: I was on standby outside the entire time during the ceremony.
Gin: The hell is he doing?!
Gin: Is he obsessed with being on standby?!
Gin: There was no ceremony!
Gin: And even if there was, it would have been too late!
Gin: Hey, let's deal with these pains in the ass later.
Gin: Start by replying to the normal people.
Shin: Do we know any normal people...?
Shin: No way!
Shin: This one's from Hijikata-san?
Gin: Whoa.
Gin: What's this about?
Hijikata: I haven't seen Kondo-san in a week.
Hijikata: Do you know anything?
Shin: W-We don't know anything, right?
Gin: We know nothing at all.
Gin: No clue at all.
Shin: L-Let's move on.
Shin: Ah!
Shin: This is from Zenzo-san.
Zenzo: I need to talk with Sarutobi about a job,
Zenzo: but I haven't been able to reach her for a week.
Zenzo: Have you seen her around?
Shin: The people who sent out fake wedding notices are disappearing one after another...
Gin: It's not related.
Gin: I mean, look at this.
Hatsu Hasegawa
Hatsu: I can't reach my husband.
Hatsu: I found some of my husband's belongings by the river.
Hatsu: Do you know anything?
Gin: Yeah?
Gin: Hasegawa-san's missing and he wasn't involved in that crap.
Gin: It's okay.
Shin: It's not okay!
Shin: He's missing for a completely different reason!
Shin: I have a really bad feeling about this.
Shin: Hasegawa-san aside,
Shin: the other two must have gotten into some kind New-Year-card-related trouble.
Gin: It's not related.
Kagura: Oh, there's one from the boss lady.
Otae: I am unable to wish you a happy new year in this time of mourning.
Otae: In December, our pet gorilla and bitch passed away.
Otae: This year will be...
Gin: You had pets?
Shin: We did.
Kagura: I've never seen them before.
Gin: There was that "I'm first, Otae" message.
Gin: That must have pissed her off.
Shin: P-Please don't tell anyone.
Gin: Well, it's not exactly a secret.
Okita: I haven't seen Kondo-san in a week.
Okita: Do you know anything about someone's older sister k*lling him?
Shin: How many older sisters are there in this show?!
Gin: And look, there's one from Yamazaki.
Shin: What?!
Shin: Yamazaki-san?!
Yamazaki: Anpan! Anpan! Anpan!
Shin: What the hell happened to Yamazaki-san?!
Kagura: Gin-chan, there's a really weird New Year's card.
Kagura: From Gondo.
Gin: Where the hell is Gondo?
Gin: Do we know anyone there?
Kagura: It's from someone called Mamyudapao.
Gin: I'm % positive that we don't know this person!
Gin: I'm % positive that this is a complete stranger!
Kagura: Let me read it.
Madao: My name is Mamudapao Hasegawa.
Gin: It's just Hasegawa-san!
Gin: How far did the river carry him?!
Madao: When I came to this place,
Madao: I could only remember the words Hasegawa and oldsocks.
Gin: You've got it wrong!
Gin: It's orthodox!
Madao: Mamudapao was the name given to me by the Hingromaxon chief who found me.
Madao: It means floating log,
Madao: drifter,
Madao: freeter,
Madao: Nintendo,
Madao: and sinking old man.
Gin: There are too many meanings!
Gin: The last one contradicts the first one!
Madao: Mamudapao.
Madao: Everyone calls me Madao for short.
Gin: So they still call you Madao in the end!
Madao: The people of the Hingromaxon tribe are very kind.
Madao: They were willing to share their fruit with a complete stranger.
Gin: They clearly hate you!
Madao: I had no memories, but I was...
Madao: ...satisfied with my life here.
Gin: This man is the definition of a masochist!
Madao: I had a mission before I lost my memories.
Madao: But I can't remember what it was.
Madao: When I washed ashore, I was holding a piece of paper with some strange characters.
Madao: Will they help unlock my memories?
Madao: I showed the piece of paper to the chief,
Madao: and he said that he'd seen something similar before.
Madao: The Hingromaxon were engaged in a turf w*r with two other tribes.
Madao: He'd seen the other chiefs with similar pieces of paper.
Chief: They are also Madao, Mamudapao who came ashore from a different world like you.
Chief: They used their fearsome strength to rise to power
Chief: and began to inv*de our sacred forest.
Chief: They are monsters.
Chief: Our tribe stands no chance against them.
Chief: But Madao,
Chief: since you also came from a different world...
Madao: I may die.
Madao: But if I choose to live without fulfilling my duty,
Madao: I might as well be dead!
Sa: Move it!
Sa: Outta the way!
Kondo: Don't interfere with our crusade!
Madao: Stop this pointless w*r.
Madao: We are all children of this planet.
Madao: One big family.
Sa: Don't lump me in with you wretches!
Kondo: Our tribe is meant to rule the sacred forest!
Madao: No.
Madao: I'm sure that we share the same purpose.
Kondo: That's...
Kondo: I've always wondered who I was...
Sa: Wondered what I was meant to do...
Kondo: For a very long time...
Sa: Ever since I was wrapped up in a mat and washed away...
All: I always thought I was alone...
Madao: The next thing I knew, the three of us were holding each other in tears.
Madao: And without a word, we each took out our pieces of paper.
Madao: They were completely different and couldn't be pieced together,
Madao: but our fragmented memories were united.
A: Chief, what about the crusade?
Kondo: I don't have time for that nonsense.
B: What are you going to do then?
Sa: That should be obvious.
Madao: Let's write a New Year's card together.
All: Happy New Year!
All: We have new members in the family!
Shin: Gin-san, there's also this...
Katsura: I was on standby on a raft to Gondo,
Kotaro Katsura
Katsura: but I ended up in Rhone.
Kagura: Gin-chan, how should we respond?
The Gintama anime wasn't able to ride the Ryomaden wave.
Gin: Make copies of this to send to everyone.
Gin: "I only received one chocolate this year. From my mom..."
Gin: "I win. I got two. Including my sister..."
Gin: If anyone out there starts gloating the day after Valentine's,
Gin: starting next year, execute 'em.
Gin: That joke is as old as chocolate and moms.
Gin: Cut the crap.
Gin: Don't put on airs by joking around to show that you don't care!
Gin: I'm sick of it!
Gin: The practice of passing chocolate around like idiots!
Gin: Enough of this farce!
Gin: Starting next year,
Gin: execute every single person who gives or receives chocolate!
Gin: Is that your final answer?
Shin: That's my final answer!
Gin: Final answer, my ass!
Gin: Somebody bring me some chocolate!
Gin: This makes no sense at all!
Gin: Everything was the same as the first half!
Gin: There was a stack of New Year's cards after the scene change!
Gin: So why isn't there any chocolate here?!
Gin: I want chocolate!
Gin: No need for love!
Gin: Just give me sugar!
Shin: I want love and that's my final answer!
Shin: Wait, can I ask the audience?
Gin: You can spend the rest of your life on the phone with Regis.
Otae: Sorry about making you come with me.
Kagura: I've heard that Valentine's is when girls give chocolate to the people they like.
Kagura: Does that mean you like a whole bunch of people?
Otae: These are just for passing out to our customers.
Otae: As for the people I like...
Otae: Here.
Kagura: Boss lady!
Kagura: I love you lots!
Kagura: But I don't have any chocolate for you.
Otae: It's okay.
Otae: You should find a nice man to give your chocolate to.
Kagura: But there's nobody.
Otae: You could give chocolate to Gin-san and Shin-chan this time.
Kagura: What? Forget it.
Kagura: I don't really like those morons.
Kagura: They'll probably gripe about not wanting any chocolate from a little brat.
Otae: That's not true.
Otae: I'm sure they'll be surprised, even thrilled, if you give them chocolate.
Kagura: They don't need me when people like Sa-chan will give them some.
Kagura: Thanks for the chocolate.
Otae: Ah, Kagura-chan.
Gin: Hey, why are you so fidgety, Kagura?
Kagura: I-I'm not!
Gin: Don't tell me that...
Gin: ...you need to poop?
Gin: Move it then.
Gin: Constipation is bad for beauty.
Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Seita: Ka-Kagura-chan!
Seita: Is this what I think it is?!
Kagura: Chocolate.
Seita: R-Really?!
Seita: Mom!
Seita: She gave me chocolate!
Hinowa: Thank you for being so thoughtful.
Kagura: It's nothing.
Seita: This doesn't have boogers or anything inside, right?
Seita: It's safe to eat?
Kagura: It's obviously safe. Want me to k*ll you?
Hinowa: You're much more chic than I thought.
Hinowa: You have the potential to become a courtesan.
Kagura: Really?
Kagura: Then I should quit working at that dump and move here.
Seita: Hey, can I eat this?
Seita: I see sesame seeds for some reason.
Tsukuyo: Don't touch those.
Tsukuyo: Boogers can make you sick.
Kagura: Enough already!
Kagura: Do you people think I'm some kind of monster?!
Tsukuyo: Hinowa, I'm heading out for a bit.
Kagura: Hey, wait!
Kagura: Give that back!
Tsukuyo: Excuse me.
Tsukuyo: I'd like to buy that big chocolate heart.
Man: Sure thing.
Kagura: Hey, what are you doing, Tsu-ki?
Tsukuyo: Hinowa actually told me to give you guys chocolate from Yoshiwara.
Tsukuyo: Can you take care of that for me?
Tsukuyo: It'll be easier for you to hand yours over with mine.
Kagura: Tsu-ki!
Kagura: You're so sharp!
Kagura: Completely different from that clueless numbskull with wavy hair!
Kagura: But, I'd really appreciate it if you would come with me.
Tsukuyo: I-I can't help you there.
Kagura: Why? You also think it's embarrassing?
Tsukuyo: Wh-Why would I be embarrassed?!
Tsukuyo: I don't give a damn about Valentine's.
Tsukuyo: I only bought this chocolate because I was ordered to, not because I wanted to...
Kagura: You look embarrassed.
Man: Sorry to keep you waiting.
Kagura: Well, I understand.
Kagura: I'll let them know how you feel.
From Tsu-ki with love
To Odd Jobs
Tsukuyo: What do you think you're doing?!
Man: Well, she kept calling you Tsu-ki,
Man: so I decided to add a little something special.
Tsukuyo: You're not helping!
Tsukuyo: Say that it's from everyone in Yoshiwara!
Man: I apologize.
Man: I'll get that fixed real quick,
Man: so please wait, Tsu-ki.
Tsukuyo: Why are you calling me Tsu-ki?!
Tsukuyo: Hey, I'm starting to get worried,
Tsukuyo: so mind if I tag along?
Kagura: Yay!
Woman: Um, would you like to try some while you're waiting?
Tsukuyo: Man, everybody loves to make assumptions.
Kagura: That looks good.
Kagura: Can I try one?
Woman: Sorry.
Woman: These are whiskey bonbons,
Woman: and you're still too young.
Gin: We're not interested in a newspaper subscription.
Tsukuyo: Excuse me, is Gintoki-kun here?
Tsukuyo: Gosh, I went and opened my mouth!
Tsukuyo: Oh, dear.
Tsukuyo: My heart is pounding...
Tsukuyo: This is too much for me.
Tsukuyo: It's too embarrassing...
Tsukuyo: In your dreams, sucker!
Sa: You want us to hand over our chocolate together?
Kagura: Yeah, I've tried a couple times and failed.
Sa: Don't be a fool?
Sa: Why would we confess our feelings as a group?
Sa: Are we still in middle school?
Kagura: We're just going to give them chocolate.
Kagura: But I'm having trouble because it's so embarrassing.
Kagura: I need help from an insensitive woman like you.
Sa: I've never been so insulted while being asked for a favor.
Sa: Besides!
Sa: Tsu-ki, how could you let this happen?
Sa: Is that the power of th place?
Sa: Is that what it takes to place th?
Tsukuyo: You're still upset about that?
Sa: I would never choose to help a rival,
Sa: but you girls are so pathetic that there's no thr*at at all.
Sa: First, strip naked and coat yourself in this chocolate.
Sa: That's where it all begins.
Tsukuyo: That's where it all begins?
Tsukuyo: More like that's where it all ends.
Sa: Lose the innocent girl act!
Sa: Don't you realize that I'm telling you to stop feeling ashamed?!
Tsukuyo: I'm willing to stop feeling ashamed,
Tsukuyo: but I won't stop behaving like a proper human being.
Sa: What?!
Sa: Don't you know that Cleopatra got naked
Sa: and lotioned herself up inside a rolled-up rug for the sake of seducing the king?!
Tsukuyo: We aren't trying to seduce anyone!
Tsukuyo: We just want to give them chocolate!
Sa: Fine.
Sa: We'll do this the normal way.
Sa: Honestly, you're so dull.
Sa: Then I'll press the doorbell...
Sa: Um...
Sa: Why are you lined up behind me?
Sa: How shy are you?!
Sa: Can you stop that?!
Sa: You're making me nervous!
Sa: I'm going to press the doorbell now.
Sa: Are you ready?
Kagura: Sa-chan!
Tsukuyo: Hey! What was that?!
Sa: Actually...
Sa: Now that I think about it...
Sa: I've never tried doing it the normal way,
Sa: so I don't know what to say.
Tsukuyo: Didn't you just lecture me about Cleopatra?!
Sa: Sorry! I can't do it!
Sa: You go, Tsu-ki!
Sa: I feel so embarrassed!
Tsukuyo: It's too late for that now!
Tsukuyo: Kagura, you go.
Tsukuyo: Isn't this your home?
Kagura: Hey!
Kagura: Why do you think I brought you with me?!
Shin: Where did Kagura-chan go?
Gin: She ran off somewhere to take a dump.
Gin: Huh?
Gin: Wasn't there someone here?
Shin: No, nobody's here.
Shin: Was this can here earlier?
Shin: Whatever.
Tsukuyo: Um, I'd appreciate it if you left this in front of Odd Jobs when you get a chance.
Tsukuyo: Sorry that I wasn't any help.
Sa: I appreciate it!
To Gin-chan and Shinpachi --Kagura
Otae: I'm sorry.
Otae: I suppose I shouldn't have said anything.
Kagura: Nah.
Kagura: It was fun to do girly stuff with them.
Kagura: Though it's not very me.
Kagura: It's better this way.
Otae: Kagura-chan...
Otae: You could have asked me to come along.
Otae: I have some extra chocolate for them.
Otae: But if you aren't going to give them yours, I won't either.
Kagura: It's okay.
Kagura: I'll give them yours with the other ones.
Otae: But what about you?
Kagura: It's okay.
Kagura: I don't need to use chocolate
Kagura: to show off my planet-sized love!
Kagura: Right?
Otae: That's right.
A: Counting the ones that don't count, I got three...
Gin: We didn't get a single one this year.
Shin: That's my final answer.
Kagura: There were three outside the door.
Kagura: Isn't that nice?
Shin: Huh?! What?!
Shin: No way!
Shin: From who?!
Shin: For who?!
Sugar Content
Gin: Get your grubby paws off them!
Gin: They're obviously for me!
For Gin-san and Four-Eyes
From Kagura
From Kagura with love
To Gintoki and Shinpachi
I love Gin-chan and Shinpachi Kagura
Gin: Shinpachi...
Gin: We got four this year.
Shin: That's my final answer.
The Heart Comes Before Chocolate
Next Episode
Meals Should Be Balanced
Yamazaki: Sorry about the confusion.
Yamazaki: After next week, you'll finally understand all the fuss about anpan.
05x03 - Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year's Cards/The Heart Comes before Chocolate
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.