02x08 - Workin' Me

[bunniefuu]

You may not know
who any of these people are,

but you definitely know
the people they've styled.

These stylists use their visions

to help shape and push
the culture through fashion.

Now, some people might think
what they do is easy...

I mean, how hard is it
to put designer clothes

on beautiful people, right?

Well, style may be eternal,
but taste is subjective,

and it can be harder than you think...

Especially because
the Internet never forgets.

So, why did I decide to focus on styling

instead of actual design?

Oh, probably because
the First Lady of America

basically wrote to me personally

and told me that I am, quote,
"the future of fashion."

"Zoey, fantastic work. Best, Michelle."

Okay, whatever.

I'm reading in between the lines.

So, once I realized styling
was my thing,

there was no way I was gonna
waste another second.

Time to start building my portfolio.

Hey, guys.

The Zoey Johnson Styling Experience

is officially open for business.

So swipe up. Link in bio.

And tag a friend you think would enjoy.

Now let the experience begin.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

So, the first week of the
Zoey Johnson Styling Experience

wasn't exactly what I imagined.

In fact, things were so bleak,
I got removed from Yelp

for posting too many fake reviews.

But things took a turn
when the twins decided

I could help rebrand them
from "All-American" girls...

to something more sophisticated

in hopes of getting followers and money

to push products on the 'Gram.

And so far, we were on our way.

Oh!

Guys, this is such a moment.

You don't even know.

Cool. But why does this "moment"

have us looking
like 40-year-old white women

in those black-and-white movies
with no black people in them?

What are you talking about?

This is very excellent,
very vintage knock-off couture.

Wait, so dead people wore this?
Oh, my God.

We really appreciate you trying
to have a vision

for our rebrand, but we're trying to get

to that Chastity Decas Cal U
banner level, you know?

This is easily a 10K-a-month feed.

Chastity Decas?

But y'all are just so much...
better than that.

Oh, no, no, no. I know I'm not better

than her 500,000 followers
and athletic sponsorships.

Same. And you don't see her

wearing haunted sh*t
that some ghost bitch wore.

Mm.

All right. They do not
understand what "vintage" means.

We've had this ghost
conversation three times.

I'm trying to rebrand you
as fashionable, classy athletes.

And think about it... our last post

got 200 new followers, so...

This post of Chastity
dry-humping a basketball

got her 5,000 likes.

We want dry-humping numbers!

Y'all talking about Chastity Decas?

Uh... Uh...

Damn, she's fire.

Thank you.

Not helping.

And unfollow her!

Ceviche? Really?

You know, scientists say that shrimps

have the most feelings
of any living thing.

Mm. Hey, um, hot tip for ya...

if you're gonna be, like, the
non-rent-paying fourth roommate,

maybe keep your vegan judgment
to yourself.

Harsh, harsh.

But I understand that's just
the mercury talking

from all that raw fish.

- Mm.
- Not you.

Thank you. Appreciate that, Luca.

Bon appétit, chief.

Posts like these
just don't feel like you guys.

Look, being a nationally ranked athlete

isn't enough to get paid.

But being IG famous will help us

get those endorsements we need.

Yeah. I mean, the Gonzalez twins,

Michelle Jenneke... sure,
they're all great athletes,

but looking good is what
got them to that next level.

Those girls are making hella bank.

Just seems so... basic.

And I'm here trying to make art.

You know what isn't basic? Making money.

We have a four-year window
as Cal U athletes,

so it's now or never.

Sorry, girl. But maybe you're
just not the stylist for us.

Wait.

Um, are they f*ring me?

Could the Zoey Johnson
Styling Experience

be over before it began?

How could Michelle Obama
have been so wrong?

Um, hold on.

Um...

could you guys give me one more sh*t?

So, no more ghost clothes?

No more ghost clothes. Done.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

What's up, b*tches?

Nothing's up. Noth...
The elevator is going up.

- That's about it.
- Yeah.

Although the new direction
isn't exactly what I envisioned

for Jazz and Sky, I delivered.

Now... is it something
I'm putting in my portfolio?

Probably not.

But I pivoted,
leaned into my clients' vision,

made them happy,
saved my first job, so...

Basically, k*lling the game.

- Zoey, props!
- Oh, hey.

You have the twins looking fire
in that new photo.

- It's trending hard.
- It's trending?

Oh, yeah. It's being reposted
by LADbible,

Egotastic, Barstool Sports...

I don't know
what any of those sites are,

but trending is good!

Oh, yeah. So, these are the sites I hit

when I want to look at p*rn
but I'm in a public place

and I can't look at real p*rn, you know?

Wait, what?

Oh, my God!

Zoey, where did you think
this whole rebrand thing

was going when you had them posing

like they were fused at the, uh...

- you know.
- Hoo-haa.

Well, I thought I was gonna be
doing something provocative

and, uh... European.

Not something that would compel
Morphman88 to admit

that "the Forster twins
got him on an all-ass diet."

- Mm.
- Yeah.

Morphman had a lot to say...

- He really did.
- Look, y'all are trippin'.

This is exactly what we wanted.

Look, Sky and I got 2,000 followers

in the last three hours.

Yeah, for selling smut.

It's not smut, grandma. It's sexy.

Sky and Jazz are taking control
over their own image...

- Yes.
- ...and making it work for them.

I think it's empowering.

Yes, and I feel very empowered.

For our next post,
Copper Calves reached out to us,

and they want us to model
in their compression socks.

- And only socks?
- Oh, God.

Okay, I just have no clue how going from

vintage knock-off couture
to Copper Calves

isn't a total downgrade.

Because the Copper Calves people
know that

their target customers are sitting

in their mother's basements,
spending the day... you know.

- Jerking it.
- Whatever.

I don't care what they're doing,

as long as we're getting looks.

Check Instagram:
Everybody is doing it...

No, I don't care
if everybody's doing it.

Bro, this is my girl.
You understand that?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Why is she not answering?

Dude, would you relax?
She's probably just busy...

having sex with other people.

Oh, that sh*t's funny?

I mean, it's pretty funny, yeah.

Yo-yo, she is Barstool Sports'

"Smokeshow of the Day,"
and you're dating her.

And I'm constantly spotted with her.

Let's just, you know, all take the win.

In what world is this a "win," Vivek?

His girl is out there.

From the sounds of it,
she's not coming back. Hmm.

No, I'm about to go find her and
make her take this trash down.

No, Bro, think about it, all right?

Jazz is an independent,
progressive girl.

What does that have to do with anything?

W-Well, Kanye would never tell Kim

to delete her nudes, all right?

O-Offset would never have told
Cardi B to cover up the side boob.

Yo, but those dudes already knew
what they were getting into.

Why am I even talking to you about this?

Doug, buddy! Man, listen.

Just hear me out. One more thing.

Can you tell Jazz I said hi?

Please?

- I'm boss.
- Thank you!

Peaches. Little eggplants.

The drooling faces.

The dregs of the Internet
are in your comments,

and they just wandered through
the forest into mine.

See? You style a thirst-trap picture,

that's what you get.

Oh. Doug keeps blowing me up.

I'm-a catch you guys later, okay?

- Okay.
- Later.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Sky, are you cool with all this?

Am I happy that Smokepurpp is DM'ing me

saying that he wants to do
weird stuff to my feet?

No. Will I do anything for my sister?

Yes.

And I'll do anything for my friends.

But the Internet is forever,

and I just wish I could take
my name off of this mess.

W-Why are you so proud of this?

You've given away all the mystery.

Please! I'm not naked.

It's the same thing
as being in a bathing suit.

Okay, but even if you was making
this same face fully clothed,

I'd still have a problem
with how thirsty you look.

Like, you don't see

the disrespect to the both of us?

Hold up.
You're liking thirsty booty pics

from random chicks every day.

How is that not disrespectful?

It's different.

They just pictures.
That's not real to me.

Exactly. So are mine.

Just pics. Not real.

Us... we're what's real.

Baby, please listen to me.

No. Look, all I know is,

is when I met you, you was low-key.

You was cool.

I-I'm not used to all of this stuff.

You know, I don't like dudes
looking at my girl this way.

That's not what I signed up for.

Look, I'm only doing this
so that Sky and I

can have better opportunities.
That's it.

I'm not checking for any of these dudes

or their comments unless it comes

from a top-three brand that can pay me.

That's it, okay?

Just trust.

Okay?

All right.

Ooh. Thank you, thank you.

I tried to broker the peace,

so I convinced everyone to ignore

the outside world for a little while.

I know I needed a break from watching

my professional reputation
crumble in real time.

Hello, my brethren.

- Here.
- Oh, here, here.

Okay, that sounds fun,
but we have to stop.

Do you really wanna stop?

Yes.

- Okay, little mama. All right.
- Girl!

Twins have entered the building.

- Ooh!
- There they go. There they go.

- Oh.
- Ooh, I want some of that.

Hey. Crazy day, huh?

Please don't talk to me.

Cool. Yeah, cool.

Hey, Luca, are you still a vegan?

Are you vegan, Luca?
Luca, are you still vegan?

I can't remember. It's so good.

- Are you still...
- Bro. Those wings are made

from genetically modified
chickens with no heads,

- two hearts, and no parents.
- Mm.

- I'm offended.
- Yeah.

But these modified chicken
orphans are, like, so delicious.

It smells so good, right?

Hey, sorry to bother you.
I was just wondering

if I could take a picture with you guys.

- Nah, bro.
- I'm cool.

- Oh, come on.
- It'll make him go away faster.

For what?

Hello.

- Yo, what the hell?!
- What are you doing, man?

- Oh!
- Oh, my...

Oh, my God.

Hi, guys.

Looking to reinvent your look

or possibly implode
your personal relationships?

Well, why don't you hire the
Zoey Johnson Styling Experience?

So, what was intended
to be a stress-free night

was anything but.

Asses were grabbed, punches were thrown,

and everybody left
feeling worse than ever.

Especially Jazz and Doug.

I don't need no ice.

So then tell me what you want me to do.

Oh, now you want my opinion?

This whole thing went down
because of you.

Me? I didn't grab my own ass.

Yeah, but you put it out there,

and now I'm the one
that has to defend it, right?

- This isn't about you.
- Uh-huh.

This is about what's best
for me and my sister.

Okay, but it's not best for us.

What do you want to do, Doug?

I don't know.

I'm-a take some time to think about it.

Uh-oh.

Oh, God.

I just feel like this is all my fault.

Yeah, I get that.

You do realize
it's a figure of speech, right?

Look, when I was working on
my Michelle Obama showcase,

my work was cool, but you finessed it.

Yeah, but all I did
was add a few things.

And it was fire, 'cause it was you.

This Jazz and Sky stuff,
you're not feeling it

'cause it's not you.

And if you're gonna put
your name on something,

it should always be something
you're feeling.

Right.

Well, this can't be the way
my first gig ends.

So don't let it.

Yo, where you been?
Did you not see Zoey's text?

She wants to talk about ideas
for our next post.

Yeah, I saw.

Okay, so let's go.

I was really thinking we could do, like,

- the body paint with the Copper Calves.
- Jazz. Jazz,

I gotta be real with you.

I'm not feeling this, like, at all.

What are you talking about?

It's just...

you know, last night was a lot.

From the fight to those
thirsty dudes staring at us,

and... you've heard Dad's voicemails.

Yeah. But think about it.

It'll all be worth it when
we land a real endorsement deal.

I don't think so.

If being a Insta-thot
is what we need to do

in order to make money,
I'm not down for that.

But we had a plan.

This was never the plan.

So you're just gonna bail on me now?

- No.
- You're really gonna do that?

I just wanna work hard and run track.

- That's it.
- Okay.

- I'm out.
- Cool.

- Please...
- I got you.

Nope, that's fine.

Sorry I'm late.

Um, Sky isn't gonna be joining us.

It's just gonna be me doing the
photo sh**t from now on, okay?

- Is everything okay?
- No.

It's not. But, um, whatever.

It's fine. Let's just do this.

No, come on. Talk to me.

You always listen to me complain.

Honestly, I'm just tired
of trying to defend

my choices about my body
to other people.

And you shouldn't have to.

So then why is everybody coming at me?

You know what? Look, I've actually been

thinking a lot about your rebrand,

and what Nomi was saying
about empowerment

and owning your sexuality.

And, sure, I 100% agree,

but I do feel like we went
about it the wrong way.

- The wrong way?
- Yeah.

See? Everybody's with
this modern-feminism bullshit,

and how "women have control
over our bodies,"

but, like, forever, everyone's
had control over my body,

from what time I wake up

to how long I work out to what I eat.

And now, for the first time,
I'm taking control for myself,

and everyone's telling me
I'm doing it the wrong way.

Sorry. That's not what I meant.

Nothing you're doing is wrong.

But I just feel like we could
have been more strategic,

more unabashedly you
in the way that you do it,

in the way that we do it.

And I really want to help you out.

But you're gonna have to trust me.

Okay. I trust you.

Thank you.

Mnh...

Damn it!

Oh, no.

Dude! It's almost noon.

Wake up! We fell asleep.

- Come on. Get up. Get up, get up!
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Put your shoes on.
- I'm up.

Shh, shh, shh!

I'm up. I'm up. Okay? I'm up.

For the record, I've never fallen asleep

before satisfying a woman.

- Gross.
- It's just not who I am.

You know what? You might have
to sneak out the window.

- We're on the fifth floor.
- But what if someone is home?

Oh, you know what?
I can actually track them.

Oh, thank God.

We're good! They're across campus.

We're good. But you still gotta go.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, pretty boy. Out.

Please don't tell Nomi.

Wooooow.

Interesting.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

- I love it!
- Yeah, so do I.

All right. Now...

let's post it and see
what the world thinks.

If there's one thing that
social media has made obvious,

it's that sex still sells.

And since everyone's a brand,

finding your version of sexy
is more important than ever.

And when you find it...

...your new image might be a hit...

or it might hit a nerve.

But in the end,
what it has to be most of all

is true to you...

...and it has to be something
you stand behind

and believe in.

Now this... this is you.

'Sup?

Morning.

Damn it.

Who ate my leftover wings?

I was looking to top off
my wake-and-bake with those.

Couldn't tell you.

Are you sure you don't know?

- Are you serious right now?
- Mm-hmm.

You really think I would put
that toxic energy

from processed animals into my body?

Ahimsa.

"Do no harm."

Maybe you need to get right
with your Sanskrit.

Cool. Yeah, I was just asking

'cause you have dried
buffalo sauce in your dread.

Wooooow.