- I can't believe I'm here
in the field
digging up the past to
better understand the present
and cement my place
in the future.
- You've really
thought about what
this career means to you, huh?
Well, I'll be by
the water unearthing ruins
of a Spartan warship,
and you'll be anywhere
the hell else.
- Excuse me?
- You think archaeologists get
famous by helping each other?
You're on your own, Toots.
- "Toots"?
Who even says that?
He'll see.
He'll be begging me for
favors when I make it to the...
[screams]
Oh, thank god.
I can still call for...
Ahh... help.
Oh, my.
[gasps]
Whoa.
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
Hello, cover of
"Brush & Shovel" magazine.
Now, if I can just
get out of here.
- Six chickens, are you insane?
- Hello?
- Do you think
I'm made of chickens?
- [gasps] It's the shell.
- Fine, five chickens.
- For a scepter that glows if
someone doesn't respect me?
Look, it doesn't
even work right.
I'll give you one
squirrel skeleton.
- Hello?
Hello?
- Oh, what's that?
- Ah, excellent choice.
It's a shell that says
"hello" for people
who don't have friends.
- Ah, not an issue for me.
[scepter whirring]
- Two squirrel skeletons, and
I throw in the shell for free.
- Deal.
- Can you hear me?
I'm trapped in a cave,
and I need help!
- Hmm, says more than "hello."
Best squirrel
skeletons I ever spent.
[dramatic lyre music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪
[mysterious music]
- What happened to you?
- He obviously doesn't
want to talk about it.
- What? Why wouldn't I
want to talk about it?
- OK, you got me.
I just don't want
to hear about it.
- So who was it this time?
- This was the food
merchants for reminding
them to wash their hands.
This was a mother
for reminding her
we don't just abandon our
children in the wilderness.
And this was teens.
They don't give a reason.
- Have you considered not
telling a city full of people
what to do all the time?
- I'm not telling
them what to do.
I'm trying to make sure this
city is a monument to what
humanity could be... a beacon
echoing into the future,
crying out, this is where
civilization started,
and it's all thanks
to King Tyrannis!
- If you said that to the teens,
I think I know why
they b*at you up.
- It was nothing of
importance, I assure you.
- And I reject your
assurance out of hand.
- Mom, Dad,
what's the bickering?
And can it happen elsewhere?
- Well, I'll tell you.
Some monster who
clearly knew your father
came up to us with a great
shrieking and thrashing
of tentacles, terribly
rude, and said something
about a wedding,
and now your father
won't tell me what wedding.
- You know, actually, we were
in the middle of something
pretty important.
How do we ensure
that I'm remembered
for all time as a visionary?
Wow.
- Can you hear me?
Help!
- I think your magic
shell needs something.
- Don't change the
subject just because you
hear a voice calling for
help from a magic shell.
I want... [scepter whirring]
to talk about this family's
proven lack of respect for me.
- Tell it to the shell.
- Maybe I will.
[scepter whirring]
[scepter whirring]
[grumbles]
Hello?
Friendship shell?
To be clear,
I don't need a friend.
I bought this as a goof.
- Yes, hello.
Hello, can you hear me?
- Yes, magic shell,
I can hear you.
- I'm not a magic shell.
I'm a person, Alice.
- A magic person inside
an ordinary shell.
- A normal person
outside of a magic shell.
- Oh, then we have
that in common,
although I'm not
entirely a normal person.
I'm a king.
- King?
King of what?
- Of Krapopolis.
- Krapopolis?
OK, I may be about
to embarrass myself
very badly on a prank show...
- On a what?
- but I honestly think
what's happening is this shell
is connecting us across time.
If you're really
from Krapopolis,
that means I'm talking
to you from thousands
of years in the future.
- Thousands of...
Well, that would
mean Krapopolis
is remembered thousands
of years in the future.
I knew it!
This is incredible.
- I can't believe
I'm actually talking
to the king of the lost
city of Krapopolis.
- Well, I'm pleased to...
I'm sorry, king of the
what city of Krapopolis
did you say?
- It's not that didn't want
you at my cousin's wedding.
I just...
- Didn't tell me about it and
told them I couldn't make it.
- Well, it just seems
simpler, darling.
We're from very
different worlds.
- So you're
embarrassed of them...
[gasps] or of me.
Is that why you won't
take me to your monster
wedding or any other monster
events with your
monster family?
- You know you can
just say the words.
We don't put "monster"
in front of everything.
- [gasps] You think I'm a bigot.
- Uh, no.
- Shlub, I have no
problem with monsters.
How could you think that?
I can hang.
- Yes, of course.
Clearly important to you,
darling, so let's do it.
Let's go to this
wedding together.
- Do you mean it?
How wonderful!
- You should know these
are very orthodox monsters.
They can be quite a lot.
- I think I can
handle a monster mash.
- Ooh, maybe don't say
that while we're there.
- What, "monster mash"?
Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
Why would I?
Oh, this is going
to be so much fun.
- But then the cave
entrance collapsed,
so I'm trapped underground
with no way out,
and I don't know if I'll
die of thirst or starvation
or another cave-in.
- Right, but "lost" city.
How is it lost?
I'm looking at it right now.
We have three
two-story buildings.
- You're sort of
self-centered, aren't you?
- I'm the king.
I'm supposed to
be in the center.
Is it possible you're a
bad... uh, what... what did
you say your job is called?
A arky-barky?
- Archaeologist.
- Is it possible
you're bad at it?
- The only reason I've heard of
your city is I'm great at it.
Krapopolis is a pretty deep cut.
The only record of it is one
line in an Athenian play,
something about it being better
to be dinner in the woods
than to have dinner
in Krapopolis.
- Um, yes, I'm aware
of the expression.
It's very popular.
I'm trying to k*ll it.
- Well, you should
be glad you fail,
because that's how
you're remembered,
and only by real "archaeholics"
and "excavaniacs" like me.
You're not exactly Athens.
- Athens is remembered?
- It's not just remembered.
It's still around.
- Seriously?
How?
How do they...
Help... help me do
whatever they did.
- You remember I'm
dying in a cave, right?
- Two problems with
the same solution.
You're in rubble,
but you wouldn't be
if Krapopolis was still
around, like... ugh... Athens.
Help my city survive,
and you won't have anything
to "arky-farky-cize" here,
which means you'll never get
trapped in the first place.
- That actually
kind of makes sense,
except for "arky-farky-cize."
- Great, all right.
So what do we do?
- Well, there's
a million reasons
a city survives
or is remembered.
Tell me what you're
working on now.
- We're figuring out
how to divide our time
between irrigation,
Fred and Nancy's divorce,
and replacing all our
stone structures with wood.
Obviously, Fred and Nancy's
divorce comes first.
- Who are Fred and Nancy,
and why would that come first?
- Interesting.
Forget Fred and Nancy.
They can stay together, figure
out a way to make it work,
fall in love again, even.
They were so cute
together in the beginning.
- Push irrigation to
the top of that list,
and do not replace
stone with wood.
Stone is most of what
survives, and statues.
- Statues, really?
See, this is the
kind of intel I need.
- Whoa, hang on.
- What, did you find a way out?
I didn't mean to sound
disappointed just then.
- No, there's a lot more stuff
down here all of a sudden.
I think me telling you how
to change your priorities
just changed history and made
Krapopolis a little less lost.
- It's working.
- Everything here is
an incredible find.
Oh, my god, this carving.
- Carving? Of what?
- A giant one-eyed woman b*ating
a king to death with a wagon
wheel while a fish watches.
Hello?
- Are you sure
you're in Krapopolis?
- And you're positive
the woman has one eye?
Maybe it's a two-eyed giant
woman and she's winking.
- A servant said
you want me to focus
exclusively on irrigation?
- Not exclusively.
Trade is also very important.
- Oh, OK, and why does
the shell have a say?
- If you must know, the shell
is a woman from the future
trapped in the ruins of
the "soon to be not lost"
city of Krapopolis.
Alice, say hello to Hippocampus.
- Uh, hi.
- You're in the future?
Did I destroy the moon?
- You're planning
to destroy the moon?
- I mean, it's a dream.
- The moon's still here.
- Damn.
What about the sun?
Is that stupid old
thing still up there?
- No, wait!
I need to talk to her
about something important.
- There you are.
- Gah!
And there you are,
beside a wagon,
a wagon with wheels,
wagon wheels.
- Yeah, Hippo asked me to
bring some supplies up.
Something wrong with the wheels?
I can take 'em off.
- No!
In fact, I just passed
a law banning wagon wheels,
so I wouldn't be
caught touching that.
- You're banning wagon wheels?
Did the magic shell
tell you to do this?
- No, I simply decided
they're dangerous.
Someone could be k*lled.
- By a wagon wheel?
- Apparently.
And frankly, unless you plan
to k*ll someone with a wagon
wheel, you should
support this law
and start burning wagon wheels.
- [sighs]
- Easy.
- She wants me to build
a tunnel that lasts 5,000
years without child labor.
- Yeah, we frown on
that in the future.
- Another great tip,
but what's this about a tunnel?
Are we changing the plan?
Thought we were trying
to make sure Krapopolis
is alive in your time.
- Yeah, no, just in
case we fail at that,
I'd also like to make sure
I'm alive in my time.
- Right, yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Out of curiosity, has that
carving changed at all?
- No, it's still
a one-eyed woman
throwing the king in a well.
- What?
She used to be b*ating
him with a wagon wheel.
- She did?
Wait a minute.
Of course.
This is like one of
those time-travel movies
like "Back to the Future" or
"Back to the Future Part II."
[gasps] Or "Back to the Future
Part III."
By changing the past,
you created a present
where the wagon wheel picture
never existed, so I never
saw it to tell you about it.
- Interesting.
And remind me what we
were talking about?
- I guess when we change
things, our memories
of the old way just fade away.
- I don't totally
understand that,
but I know we're
sealing all the wells.
- Are we worried about this?
- We definitely are.
But I love digging a tunnel.
- And I love fire.
- A toast to the
bride and groom.
[together]
Roar!
- It really is so
nice to be here.
- We welcome you, Derrrarrhia.
- Deliria.
- I'm sorry?
- It's pronounced "Deliria."
Don't worry.
I love the way you say it.
It's quite charming, in fact.
I know our kind
and yours have had
a troubled history, so awful.
- Well, these issues
are very complicated.
- And yet so simple.
It's important
to me that you know
I'm horrified
by my so-called brethren
who burn monsters with divine
fire without consequence.
In this day and age,
just so awful.
Wasn't an entire monster
region scourged last week?
- Yeah,
it was a monster m*ssacre.
- Don't put "monster"
in front of everything, do we?
[laughs] Well,
you can be sure that I will
not be scourging this region...
As long as you don't
get on my bad side!
[laughs]
Oh, that was a joke, of course.
As you can see, I have
no problem with monsters.
I married one, after all.
- You wanted an update?
- Oh, yes,
from over there, please.
- We b*rned all
the wagon wheels,
even though you say
you no longer remember
why we had to do that.
- I remember it felt important.
- We also grated all the wells,
which means buckets
don't fit in them anymore.
And we just got
started on your new law
about breaking
all the pitchforks.
- Very good.
- Are we OK?
You get this weird
look like you're
afraid I'm going to s*ab you
with something every time
I get close to you.
- Hey, you have
pitchforks to snap,
and I have a shell to consult,
so let's not get
in the weeds about who
gets scared of being
stabbed by what when
they're approached by whom.
What's on the tablet now?
- Same thing as always.
- Damn it.
- Ty... and I say this as a
woman dying in a cave with
limited emotional
bandwidth for others...
Are you the king in the carving?
- I'm the king in the carving.
The giant is my sister.
The fish-man is my brother.
- Hippo is a fish-man?
I guess that's no weirder
than anything else.
Huh.
But, so, this is
what you look like?
- I don't know.
What does it look like?
- Scrawny guy with
big hair, and it looks
like these are stink lines?
- Everyone stinks.
Do people in the
future not stink?
- We have something called soap.
- I'll want the recipe for that.
So what do you look like?
- Oh, I look like a shell.
[laughter]
You know, if I fall into a
cave with a tunnel leading out
of it, I don't
think we can assume
I'm gonna find the shell,
and that means neither of us
is gonna remember ever meeting.
- Right, like with the carving.
- I wish there were a way to
preserve everything you've
told me, in case I forget.
I don't assume you
have written language?
- Written language...
That's a thing?
I knew it was gonna be a thing.
- You have it?
- Hippo's been working on it.
Hippo!
- What?
- Written language...
Rush it into production.
[mystical music]
♪ ♪
- [gasps] It's working.
- It's working?
Already?
- I guess the fact
that you asked
him to do it means he's
eventually going to,
so it's here.
We did it!
- We did it!
- OK, I'll get right on that.
[indistinct chatter]
- It's going
wonderfully, I think.
Did you hear my speech
about why monster
stereotypes are so harmful?
- Yes, I wonder if you might
want to just dial it back.
- Dial it back?
They love me.
- They're biting their
tongues, darling.
They don't want to
hear about your kind
hunting theirs to extinction.
- But I came out against.
- It's not a topic
they're eager to rehash
with you at a wedding.
- Roar, roar!
Yes, roar, everyone.
Hello.
My husband seems to
think you're judging me,
but I know that's not
the case, or you'd
be attacking me and
attempting to tear me
apart with your monster jaws.
[laughs]
- Because monsters
try to tear everyone
apart indiscriminately?
- Obviously, I was joking.
If anything, I'm quite a
fan of the tearing apart.
You know, if you're good
at it, you're good at it.
[laughs]
[all grumbling]
You are judging me.
A bunch of snarling
monsters is judging me?
[all growling]
Don't you growl at me.
[all growling]
Ahh!
[gasps]
Ahh!
[groans]
- Ahh-uhh!
- Ahh!
- Uh...
ahh-ahh!
[shouting]
- Ahh!
[grunts]
Ahh!
- Ugh!
Well, I'm not too proud
to admit I was wrong.
Better to keep us
separate after all,
and to keep them
separate as well.
Do you get it?
Oh, lighten up.
So, straight home,
or stop for mead first?
- Are you serious?
- Straight home, then.
- Have you deciphered it yet?
- Almost.
It's basically Linear B.
Might even help us finally
decipher Linear A.
- Well, I can't decipher
any of what you're saying,
but tonally,
it sounds like a big win.
Why did they stop digging?
Do I need to bring
back the child labor?
- I mean, yes!
But a couple
buildings collapsed.
- This is more important.
- All right, I'll tell
that to the bereaved.
- Alice, are you free yet?
- Nope.
Still in a cave.
- She's still in a cave, Hippo.
- Ty, we're worried about you.
- Worried about k*lling me
with that pitchfork you hid.
- Huh?
- This "hello" shell that you
bought that's supposed to make
you feel less lonely and sad...
Did it ever occur to you
that it's just telling
you what you want to hear?
- He's saying
you've gone insane.
- That's not what I'm saying.
- It's what I'm saying.
- I'm saying this needs to stop.
- OK, I've got it.
- You've got it?
- Yes.
"Tyrannis..."
- Oh my god, oh my god.
It says that?
It says my name?
- "... the legendary, mad king..."
- "Legendary," nice!
Wait a minute.
"Mad"?
- "... who took orders from a
seashell and was confined,
therefore, to a prison
for the insane"?
- Well, that's...
Right.
[door slams]
- Men and women are the same.
We're equal.
We all have 32 teeth, if
someone would just count mine.
- No, we're not
going to count them.
But thank you,
Thelmamnmon, for sharing.
Adrian, Bdrian, would
you like to go next?
- As you can see,
we're two brothers.
- That's right.
- We were born on the same day.
- Same mom, same dad.
- And we look the same.
- But we're two
different people.
- Bdrian, we've gone over this.
You're clearly one person
who was split into two
by the curse of a witch.
- Well,
I'm the king of Krapopolis.
- Me too!
- No, he really is king.
- Ouch.
- Everything I've tried
to do, I've failed.
More than failed.
I wish I'd never
found that shell.
- Shells, man.
- I wanted to be remembered,
wanted to touch the future,
and all I managed to
do was cement my fate
as an ineffectual madman whose
sister is going to m*rder him.
At least that problem and the
problem of me being locked
in here cancel each other out.
- King Tyrannis,
your sister is here to see you.
- [screams]
- What are you talking about?
I don't want to k*ll you.
I want you to get better.
- "Better" healthy,
or "better" dead?
- Better dead?
- I knew it!
Get away from me!
- Look, our jobs are stressful.
Let me show you an activity
I do when I'm stressed.
You'd probably want to
draw you k*lling somebody
who isn't you, or not.
Maybe that's what would
scratch your itch.
- You've been drawing these?
You were never going to k*ll me.
- I don't know about never.
- We can't determine how
we're read or remembered.
It's madness to try
and control a narrative
for thousands of years.
I get it now.
I've got a woman to save.
Can you get me out of here?
- [laughs]
Can I get you out of here?
Ahh!
- Ugh!
[indistinct chatter]
- Well, I guess I didn't really
know what I was doing anyway.
[grunts]
- Gorgon, you're alive!
[all grunting]
You're all alive and
more monstrous than ever.
How?
- Consider it a peace offering.
- Did you have to drop them?
- Just listen.
You were right about
the whole thing.
I wanted to prove that I
wasn't like the other gods,
but that's just
more god behavior.
And we were at a monster
party, which I ruined,
and that's why I've
returned your friends.
I assume they won't mind
some of their legs and wings
getting mixed up.
And I can say that with
confidence because I
know they already hate me.
- Given that you have created
a new kind of monster,
which we will call
the Frankenstein,
we accept at least what seems
to be the spirit
of your strange apology.
- Oh, I wouldn't
call it an apology.
- Darling...
- Yes, yes, fine, I apologize.
[together]
Roar!
- Roar!
- I have as many teeth as a man!
- I'm a complete individual
human being on my own.
- Yeah, me too.
We're both that.
- I'm digging a tunnel that will
erase my memory of the seashell
that told me to dig it.
- Oh, boy.
- Hang on, Alice, I'm coming!
- Ty, if you finish
the tunnel now,
we'll never finish
securing your city's
place in the future.
Krapopolis will
still be a lost city.
- History and arky-farky
are just ideas.
What's real is people
and whether or not
they die in caves.
- But I won't remember you.
Neither of us will
even know you saved me.
- But I will have
saved you all the same.
[grunts]
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
- Ty,
what are you doing in here?
- And why did you dig a tunnel?
- I'm not sure, but it
feels like it was important.
Why am I holding a shell?
- Speaking of important,
check it out, a drawing
of me throwing Ty to lions.
- I don't care for it.
- I just do it
for stress relief.
It's not supposed to be good.
How'd the monster trip go?
- I would say quite well.
But it's just a trip.
You don't have to put
"monster" in front of it, eh?
- Yes.
Your mother even
created a new monster,
a Frankenstein monster.
- Actually, it's just
called a Frankenstein.
- It was frightening, yes,
but such a lucky accident.
If it weren't for the
cave-in, these artifacts
might never have been found.
And the writings alone are
gonna revolutionize the study
of this long-forgotten city.
This kind of discovery is
why you get into arky-farky...
[chuckles]
excuse me, archaeology...
In the first place.
- And what was the
name of the city again?
- Krapopolis.
- Ah.
Do you think it would be
possible to change it?
- To change the name?
No, I don't think so.
I mean, it already is the name.
- Why would they name it that?
Seems so easy to make fun of.
- What do you mean?
- Well, do I have to say it?
- Maybe you should.
- The word "crap"
is right in there.
- So as a journalist,
that's what you would use?
You'd say,
"More like crap-opolis,"
and you'd feel good about that?
You'd feel like you had done
your job, hit on something
pretty smart and original?
- I guess it might
feel a little hack.
- All right, then.
- Still not a great name.
- It's the name, all right?
Let's move on.
- Did you get any of that?
- Bento.
01x23 - Remedial Archeology
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Adult sitcom set in mythical ancient Greece and centers on a flawed family of humans, gods and monsters trying to run one of the world's first cities without k*lling each other.
Adult sitcom set in mythical ancient Greece and centers on a flawed family of humans, gods and monsters trying to run one of the world's first cities without k*lling each other.