05x10 - The Masked Magician/The Big Bash

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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05x10 - The Masked Magician/The Big Bash

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Timmy is an average kid ♪

♪ That no one understands ♪

♪ Mom and dad and Vicky

always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom

up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly ♪

♪ By his magic little fish

who grant his every wish ♪

♪ Because in reality ♪

♪ They are his OddParents ♪

♪ Fairly OddParents ♪

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ OddParents,

Fairly OddParents ♪


♪ Really mod, pea pod,

buff bod, hot rod ♪


♪ Obtuse

rubber goose ♪


♪ Green moose,

guava juice ♪


♪ Giant snake,

birthday cake ♪


♪ Large fries,

chocolate shake! ♪


♪ OddParents,

Fairly OddParents ♪


♪ It flips your lid

when you are the kid ♪

♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
Vicky: Yeah, right.
Wow, Timmy,

your neighborhood

sure knows


how to throw

a block party.


You bet. This year

the childless Feifers


paid for a world-class

air show.

The kidless Dinklebergs

paid platinum pop princess

Britney Britney


to perform on

their lawn.

[Crowd screaming]

Are you ready to rock

kidlessly?

[Crowd screaming]

Who'd your parents

get, Timmy?


Well, since my parents

have me to support,


all they could do was

scrounge together


enough extra cash for

some sort of magician.


But that'll be cool,

right?

It's always been my dream
to be some sort of magician.

Aah!

Come back!

Timmy: Mr. Bickles?
The Great Bickelini?
You'd have to be deranged

to think he's

a real magician.

[Beeping]

Crocker: Hmm, top hat, tuxedo,

magic wand, cape.

He must be real.
[Chomp]
[Screaming]
[Beeping, buzzing]
I must be deranged.
He's clearly a fake,
but somewhere around here,
there are fairy Godparents!

Ooh! A rabbit!

That's original.

Booo!

That kid's balloon

is right.

This is lame.
All: Booo!

Hey! Let's go to

the Dinklebergs


and watch

Britney Britney!


Wait! You haven't

seen my closer.


[Thinking] Now to grab

the key with my teeth.

Aah!
Yeech, no!

Don't go to the Dinklebergs.

Please!


Their childlessness

will be our downfall!


Oh, no!

We're losing the audience

to the Dinklebergs!

These people want

a real magician


and I'm going to

give 'em one.

But Crocker's here.
You can't do real magic.
[Buzzer]
We'll be exposed.

What if I wore

a disguise?

Oh, please, Timmy.

You know

that never works.


Secret identities

are--


Aah! Who are you, and what

have you done with Timmy?


Now let's make

my parents less lame.

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your barren hands together

for the magic of

the Masked Magician!

I can't believe Timmy's

going to miss this.

And for my first trick,

Ala-ka-I wish the audience

was back here!

Hey, come back!
Hey, indeed.

These readings are

off the scale,

and they seem to be coming from
that child-sized, bucktoothed,

mystery magician in

Timmy Turner's front yard.

And for my next trick,
I'll need a volunteer.

Like you, person I've

never met before.

That fool!

It's my chance

to observe him up close.

[Trumpeting]
[Crowd cheering]

[Gasping for air]

He's stupendous.

Aah!
He's amazing!
[Lions growling]
Aah!
[Crowd cheering]

He's going to pay

for ruining my dream!

Hey, check it out.

Some Masked Magician

is doing


some amazing tricks

next door.

[Gasps]
All right, I'm Britney Britney.

I was times

"Celebrity Search" winner

when I was still a fetus.
I can get them back.
Turn up the lasers.
Let's kick it!
Pilot: Oh, my eyes!

Tour's over.

Going to Vegas!

[Tires screeching]

Oh, Masked Magician,

whoever you are,

do something!

Ala-ka-I wish

the plane would stop!

Aah!

That Masked Magician

saved us.


He's no magician.

He's a superhero!

A cute superhero.

Cosmo, stop spinning

the newspapers.

I'm trying to read.
Oh, let me help.

Wow! They're calling

Timmy a superhero.


You think he'll let all this

attention go to his head?


Ok, magical partners

in crime-fighting.


It's time to fight for

truth, justice,

and if we see Francis, payback.

Uh, I'm going to

take that as a yes.


Boy: Help!

Help, help! Help!

A tornado!

And I live in

a trailer park!


Oh, they told me

this would happen,


but I didn't

believe them!


Ala-ka-I wish

the tornado was gone!

Woman: Help!
Help, help!

Somebody stole

my purse!

[Laughing]

Ala-ka-I wish

I caught the thief.

[Laughing]

Thank you.

But where's my purse?

Is it right here?
Help! Heeelp!

Masked Magician,

I knew you'd come to help me.

Who did this to you?
I didn't see.

I don't have

any enemies,


except maybe

my sister Tootie


or my third-grade

gym teacher


or my old

scout troop


or my ex-boyfriend

Ricky.


Ala-ka-I wish

Vicky was safe.


Or my parents

or Chip Skylark

or my yoga instructor.

Then there's that Mark kid

from Europe and--

[Train's whistle blows]

-Crimson Chin:

I think it's chin-tastic


that you're moving up from

sidekick to superhero, Cleft.


That's

the Masked Magician.


Really? 'Cause

that's a dumb name.


But full-time

superheroing


is not all

fun and games.


Can I get more

oyster crackers, please?


There will come

a day


when a supervillain

will arrive


and try

and destroy you,


and the cruel

irony is


that it will have

been you, Cleft.


That's

the Masked Magician!


I just can't

get used to that.


But it will have

been you


that will have created

that villain

in the first place.

Surrender.

[Choking]


take this clown,

for example.

The Bronze Knee Cap?

He wasn't always a diabolical

knee-themed villain.


He used to be

Ron Hambone,


the third-best

jai alai player

on the south shore.
I'd entered a Chincinnati

Celebrity Jai Alai

Tournament.

Hambone needed just one point

to win his first

first-place trophy,


not third-place bronze

but first-place gold,


when he tripped over

my rather impressive chin.

Whoooaaa!

Bronze Knee Cap: And on that

day, I vowed that I would

end The Chin's career,
like he ended mine,

so I smelted all my

third-place trophies...

And became the Bronze Knee Cap.
[Laughs]

But it was

an accident.


Why didn't you just

move on?


Oh, uh,

well, because


he never even said

he was sorry.


Oh, I'm sorry,

all right...


that you're still

conscious!

What? No tip?

Here's a tip.

Always bet on justice!

You shall all pay!

The Crimson Chin

is right, Timmy.


Being a full-time

superhero

is a dangerous job!

Yeah, but my situation is

totally different.


It's not like I've

created my own archenemy.


Man: Well, well,

Masked Magician.


You think you get

to ruin my dream?


Let's see what happens to you

when you meet...

The handker-chief.
[Laughs]
and now I will use this,

the world's biggest

chiffon handkerchief,

to make Dimmsdale disappear.
[All screaming]
[Barking]
[All screaming]
[Laughs]
Aah!
Somebody save us!
Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird!

And look down there!

It's a bug!


Ooh! And over

there's a squirrel!

No, it's the Masked Magician!

Mr. Bickles?

Is that you?

Oh, come on.

You figured out

my secret identity

and you can fly now?

Oh, that's perfect.

Just perfect.


What's with

the big hankie?


I'm going to

make Dimmsdale,


the town that shunned me

and embraced you, disappear.

Wait!

Nothing you can do

can stop me.


I just wanted to say

I'm sorry.


Prepare for

a suffocation


by a giant, outdated,

cloth nose rag.

What? What did you say?

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying

to ruin your dream.


I was just trying to help

those child-addled Turners.


Really. Gee, this is

kind of unprecedented.


My new dream was to wipe out

you and the city


in one handkerchief-themed

death trap.

I'll cut you a deal.

I'll quit being

a superhero


if you quit being

a supervillain.


Throw in those

white boots


and a stage show

in Las Vegas


and you've got yourself

a deal, mister.

[Growling]

[Cheering]

Wow!

Dreams really do come true!
[Whistling]

Thank you for

these great tickets, Timmy.


Well, I know

the star.


Ooh, having a child

is great, for once.


Well, Timmy,

I guess you learned


to leave

your superheroing


in the comic books

from now on.


Yup, and I also

learned that sometimes


"I'm sorry" can be the only

magic words you need.

Which reminds me,

how'd you get Mr. Bickles

this cool show?


Aah!

Oh, that's easy.


Bickles found

the showroom...

b*at it, loser!

Cosmo: And we supplied

the magic.


But, I'm sure Britney Britney's

okay with it.


Yeah, I'll bet

she has no plans


to take revenge on

Bickles at all.

Bickles...

You might have ended

my Las Vegas career,


but now it's you

who will be canceled...

By the Platinum Princess!
My dream ruined!

Oh, well, guess I'll

go back to teaching.

Aah!
Cosmo, knock it off.

Cosmo: Timmy,

are you asleep?


Timmy? Timmy!

[Snoring]

[Plays chord]
Aah!
We have great news.
There's no encore?

No! We've finally

been invited

to a party at Cupid's!

And I care about

this why?


Because Cupid's parties

are legendary in fairy world.


Everybody who's anybody

gets invited.

Yeah, but apparently,

somebody who's anybody

said no,


because we got

invited anyway!

Come on!
[Indistinct chatter]

Ok, this is the fluffiest house

I've ever been in.


It made the cover of

"Gnome & Gardens" last month.


Cupid: Friends, fairies,

Godkids.

Welcome!

This year, my party

is a magical mystery


scavenger hunt through

time and space!


You have all been chosen

due to your skills,

abilities, fashion sense,
and imaginations.
The Godparent and Godchild team

who brings me

the most items on the list


wins seconds

of rule-free wishes.

The biggest egg ever laid?
Container --B? Ha!

With you guys

on my side,


this is going to be

a snap.


We're the best

team ever!

Man: Don't be so sure, Turner.

Timmy: [Gasps]

Remy Bucksaplenty?

You got invited, too?

Yes, for I,

Juandissimo Magnifico,


can always be found where the

beautiful fairies float.

Ah, Wanda.

You are as beautiful

as your husband is wimpy.

[Kiss]
Arrgh!

Turner, I know we've had

our differences,


but I wanted to wish you

the best of luck.

Uh, thanks, Remy.

With the rest of

your loser life!


Because after I win

this contest,


I'm going to use

those rule-free wishes


to get rid of

your Godparents! Ha!

Ha! He wishes.

You and Remy

will never be able


to out-scavenger hunt

me, Wanda, and Timmy.


So sure of yourself,

are you?

Perhaps a bet,

for the beautiful hand

of your beautiful wife?

[Gobbling]

No way! I would never risk

Wanda's love


for something as

worthless as a bet!

And this shiny nickel?
Ah! So shiny!

So worth cents!

You're on!

Boys, girls, and Godparents,
start your time scooters!
[Crowd cheering]

Juandissimo,

my time limo, please.

On your mark, get set, go!

I wish all the other contestants

were asleep!

[All snoring]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Hey, dude,

what's up?


Good thing I wished up

this anti-magic bubble.

To the scavenger hunt!
[Revving]
Follow that urchin!
[Starts engine]
[Pterodactyls squawking]
Hmm. The dinosaur age.

Interesting first stop,

Timmy.


Well, the first

thing on Cupid's list


is the biggest egg

that's ever been laid.

The metric system!
Dinosaur egg!

Ha! This is

going to be a snap!

[Growling]
[Roaring]
please be a plant eater!
Please be a plant eater!
Please be a Wanda eater!
Please be a Wanda eater!

I wish this egg

was at Cupid's fluffy house!

[Growling]
Ok, now we need container --B

from the Apollo

mission to the Moon.


How did you

know that?


I copied it off

A.J.'s test once.


It was the only question

I got right.

Zero gravity rocks!
Take that, Remy Bucksaplenty!

Bucksaplenty:

Don't mind if I do.

Ha ha ha!

And I will take

muy, muy, mucho care of Wanda.

Guys, come on!

We're tied with Remy

and we need to find...

The world's largest banana.
Let's go!
[Roaring]

Oh, great.

How are we supposed


to get it away

from him?


Are you kidding?

It's .


With this amazing

wood and steel technology,

nothing can stop us.

Don't worry

your silly little,


soon-to-be-fairyless head

about that.


This looks like

a job for

the magic of money!

I don't know what

kind of girl you think I am,


but I don't hang around

with just any monkey.


But suddenly,

that's not just any monkey.


Sure, I'll ape-sit

your pal for you.


So, what do you

want to do?


See a movie?

Have some dinner?


Hey, easy on

the hips.

I just paid for those!

Aah! I don't do

my own stunts!


Remind me to put a stop

on that check.


I will see you soon,

my darling.


Rats!

Remy's b*ating me.


We've got to get

to th-century Ireland.


Remember, leprechauns

hate to lose

their pot of gold.
Here you go, laddie.
A pot of Irish gold.
Wow, that was easy.
'Tis the least I can do
for poor Cosmo here.
Sorry to hear about you two.

What are you

talking about?


You don't know?

Well, then.


They say that

old Cosmo was dense,


for betting his wife

for cents,


if she knows, she'll be mad,

if she's gone, he'll be sad,

I'm betting the pain is intense.

You bet me

for a nickel?!


But it was

a shiny nickel!


We don't have time

for this.


To th century

France!


Cosmo: I can't believe

we're in Napoleon's house!


I can't believe

you bet me for a nickel!


You haven't held me

this long since we got married.


Monsieur Napoleon,

you may, how you say,

take a break.
A Danish?

You know, I always wondered

what he had under there.

[Laughs]

Sacre bleu.

My pastry, she is gone.


We must inv*de Denmark

and obtain a fresh one.

[Whinnies]
Oh, no!
Remy has things

and there's only

one thing left!


Then we have to get

the last item.


If we tie, we might

not have won,


but we don't lose

either, right?

Remy can't win, Timmy!
He just can't!

I love that nickel!

I mean, Wanda!

Please, you can't lose!
And we won't.
To ancient Peru!
You guys, look.

Remy and his rich-boy

time limo b*at us here.


We got to get

in there and find


the grande treasure

of the Peruvian pyramid

before Remy does!

Which one is

the grande treasure


of the Peruvian

pyramid?


Juandissimo: It could be

any of them,

so let us take them all.

I win, Turner.

[Laughs]


I look forward to standing atop

a wedding cake with you.

Oh, that's weird.
What's weird?

That I'm not strangling

Cosmo right now?

Well, yes, that,

and the fact that in

every movie I've seen


with ancient pyramids

and treasures,

as soon as you steal the stuff,
a bunch of booby traps go off.
Well, I'm a boob,

and Wanda trapped me

into marriage.


Does that

mean anything?


No, but I'll tell you

what it does mean.


They didn't get the real

treasure after all!

[Puff]

Yay! Booby trap!

We found the real treasure!


I mean, oh, no!

Booby traps!

Run!

You know, we could've

just poofed out.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no!

We're too late!


Turner, just in time

to see me


give Cupid the final item

on the list,


the grande treasure

of the Peruvian pyramid.


Would you mind naming

our children after me?


I'll take my rule-free

wishes now.

Shiny like a nickel,
but not what I wanted.
What?!

Actually, I think

he wants this.




Peruvian coffee beans!

Yay!

And here's

a dinosaur egg


and a pot of

Irish gold.


But I got the moon container

full of orange Astro drink,

the banana, and the Danish.
That means we're tied.
So who wins?
I did!

And with this

Irish gold...

Potatoes?
To make golden hash browns!

I'm going to make

the best hash brown,


dinosaur omelet,

banana, coffee,


and orange

Astro drink brunch ever!


Was this

a scavenger hunt,


or did we just do

your grocery shopping?

Oh, a little of both.
Mostly the shopping part.

You don't expect me

to do my own shopping,

do you, silly?
Truce?
Truce.

Get him!

Get him!


Good thing I'm wearing

a diaper.


You are all

off my list!


Care for an omelet,

Remy, old buddy?


Indubitably,

Timmy, old bean.


Care for a glass of

Astro drink?

Don't mind if I do.

Ha ha! So nobody won

and nobody lost,


which means I'm not

in trouble, right?


Let me answer that

with a limerick.


Two fairies got a thought

in their head


that a bet could

decide who I'd wed,


while they battled

their bout,


their big secret

got out...


And now both of

those morons are dead.


That's us!

Truce?

A very sexy truce?

Both: Run!

A nickel! Mine.

It was worth it!

Cupid: Silly
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