04x35 - Episode 35

[bunniefuu]

[narrator] Welcome to
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

You thought you'd binged enough
Love Island and needed a break?

-Nonsense.
-[sobbing]

We've got all
the stuff that was too bonkers

to stick in the regular show.

And let me tell you,
that's an elite level of bonkers.

You can do it yourself.

[narrator] As it was
the Islanders final week,

we threw everything at them,
including the kitchen sink.

Oh, the twins are here.

This is the best surprise ever.

[narrator] It led to hard questions.

What's the difference between
real milk and breast milk?

What's the big school up there
that's for, like, smart people?

What do we do at "mommy and me" classes?

-I don't know.
-[narrator] Powerful revelations.

Well, her carrying that baby
around, man, it just turns me on.

Being a mom isn't about
just coping with wine,

it's about having a community.

Who would you not let date your daughter?

Easy. Jeff.

[narrator] And quite frankly,

brought them all within
an inch of their sanity.

I'm taking you
to the fire station. Shut up!

[gibbering]

[narrator] And true
to Love Island: Unseen fashion,

we've saved the best for last.

So enjoy this season's finale of…

[screaming]

…Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

[baby crying]

[narrator] It's the final week and some of
the Islanders are getting villa fever.

It's like cabin fever, but more spacious.

The producers in charge of coming up
with activities for the Islanders

have been binging this
great show called Love Island,

so the Islanders have
to entertain themselves.

Stand like this.

I'm about to get to 2,000 pictures.

-[Joel] Oh, my God!
-Is this turning you on?

-You're so strong.
-I know.

-How do you even do that?
-It's impossible. I know.

[Joel chuckling]

Whoa, dude. Whoa.

Okay. Settle down now.

-Uh-uh!
-Settle down now.

No, no, no. None of that.
We're in the kitchen.

-We're in the kitchen.
-Come on, buddy.

I know you want some.
Come on. Come on, yo!

[laughing]

-f*ck me!
-You want it?

-You want, I want it.
-You want it.

Come on, give it to me.

[laughing]

[all chattering]

[laughing]

[narrator] As well as needing
a good old laugh,

some of the Islanders

seem to be in need
of a release of some kind.

You ever just wanna scream?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Definitely.
-A lot.

[narrator] Wonder if it's
got anything to do with the fact

they've been groping each other
for the last six weeks.

-Oh, boy.
-[Phoebe] Let's do it.

-Should we all do it?
-I'll scream.

-All right then.
-Will you?

We're just gonna get it out, Timmy?

-Close your ears.
-It's a good day, so why not?

Isaiah and Syd, you gonna scream?
Come on now.

-I just need one like--
-Why not?

-Just gotta let it out.
-All right, fine.

Dun, dun. What do you think
is about to happen?

Is everyone gonna scream?

We are. I need to do it. It's good for me.

-[Phoebe] I like this. I like this.
-Gotta really feel it.

-All right.
-I feel the energy now.

Three, two…

one.

[all screaming]

-[screaming continues]
-[train horn blows]

Oh, that feels really good, you know?

-[Isaiah] That cleared my nostrils.
-That-- Yeah.

Mackenzie's like, "What the f*ck?"

-Why was everyone yelling?
-I didn't hear anything.

Am I hearing voices again?

Oh, my God, I thought…

thought those were gone.

[narrator] Nothing is more
uncomfortable than questioning

if you're schizophrenic.
Iain hates when that happens, and so do I,

the frog that lives in his closet.

It's been your average week in the villa.

Islanders have come and gone.

Love has been won and lost.

Deb's announced that birds are robot spies
sent from the government.

Hi, Charlie! Are you okay, buddy?

Deb's named the bird.

Either she's chirping a different tune…

-[Deb] You want a snack?
-…or she's playing dumb

so she can take the spy as a POW:

-Parakeet of w*r.
-Come here, Charlie.

Charlie!

Where'd he go?

Charlie, come here.

[kissing] Charlie?

[whistles]

Charlie, look!

Charlie, don't go inside.

Charlie is the kitchen bird
so he's always in the kitchen,

but he never eats any of the food.

I always leave food out for him.

-[narrator] Ah, maybe not.
-Charlie?

Seems like Deb is still on
the "birds are up to no good" train.

[Deb] Charlie?

I tried to give him some bread,

but he didn't eat it so I know for sure

that he is an op.

[narrator] And to be fair,
she might be onto something with this one.

-[Zeta screaming]
-[loud thud]

[Jesse] Hello!

Charlie?

He ran into a window

and he didn't get stunned
'cause he was a robot.

[screaming] Oh, my God!

-[Jesse] Wait. Just wait. Let him get out.
-[Zeta] How do I it?

No, no. Easy.
He'll come out. He'll come out.

-[Zeta] Okay.
-[Deb] Charlie?

[Zeta] Do I walk out?

You can walk out.

-You're okay Zeta.
-Can you come get me?

[Jesse] I don't think he'll get you.

-Charlie?
-[Jesse] He's a nice guy.

-[Zeta] Can you come get me?
-[Jesse] I'll get you Zeta. Come on.

-Come on.
-[Deb] Aw, Uncle Jesse!

Oh, Charlie is brave.

Wait, wait. The coast is clear.

-[Zeta] You're sure?
-Yeah. I got you girl.

-Can I go behind you?
-Yes. Come on.

Come on, come on.

[both giggling]

-[Deb] Charlie?
-I told Timmy I don't like birds!

[Deb] Aw…
-[Jesse] There he goes.

[Zeta] Aw, I know he was so scared.

[Jesse] Yeah. Where's the camera?

-Where's the camera?
-It's really small. It's in his chest.

I am onto you, Charlie.

[narrator] Nadjha suffers
from the most unusual condition,

"lost sock syndrome."

Every night she loses
at least one of them.

Come on, Nadjha, pull your socks up.

Oh, no, you can't. You've lost them.

Is my sock over on your side maybe?

I found one.

[narrator] She's found one.

I think I saw the other one stuffed down
Jeff's trunks for a photo sh**t.

[Nadjha] Dude, I feel like I always, like,

take my socks off
in the middle of the night,

but then I don't remember doing it.

I don't know
if I just, like, pull 'em off.

I don't know what I do.

Jeff, I can't find them!

[narrator] Any woman willing
to put her head

under a man's duvet
first thing in the morning

is a braver person than me.

She must really want that sock.

Jeff's pretty Zen about the whole thing.

You could say he's "philo-sock-ical."

Ugh! Dammit!

I don't know how my f*cking sock
disappeared in the bed,

but it did. [laughs]

[narrator] Full disclosure,
I've been wearing that sock all day.

Just not on my feet.

Phoebe and Mackenzie
have had more disagreements

than a Republican cat and a Democrat dog.

We couldn't overload
the main show with drama

because we had an excess
of dessert-based make outs,

and that's the bread and butter, hombre.

Thank you, Unseen Bits, for this moment.

-[Mackenzie] Hi. Hi.
-Hey.

What's up girl?

Nothing.

Mackenzie, you wanna go
for a chat really quickly?

[Mackenzie] Sure.

sh*t, I wanna-- Bro.

Come on, let's go over there.

[Chad laughing]

-Should we get a front row seat?
-Look.

[Nadjha] Let's just pretend
we're laying out on the bean bags.

-No, we're laying down over here.
-You guys are f*cking funny.

-No, 'cause we need to be able to hear.
-All right, come on. Come on.

[Nadjha giggling]

I just really wanted to pull you because
I know, like, in the dressing room

I, like-- it felt a little aggressive.

[Nadjha] I need some sun.

Nadjha did ask me,
though, about my feelings,

-so in that--
-I know. I know.

You said something about, like,
I just want you to be careful

because that was going on.

Well, you were trying to say this
either happened or didn't happen

and I think that everyone has
their own perspective as to what happened.

I don't think that you can speak to
why Chad didn't say anything.

[Jeff] Come here, quiet.

[Phoebe] I know he's not that type of guy.

-Like I have known him…
-[Nadjha giggles]

[narrator] Nadjha would make
a terrible undercover operative.

Definitely can't put espionage
on her résumé.

Luckily Mackenzie and Phoebe
aren't genocidal w*r criminals.

They're just angry and hot.

You don't know everything!

You actually have come in here

and you think you know
all about Chad, but you don't.

-[Mackenzie] I don't know all about Chad!
-[Phoebe] But that's what you give off.

-You're being hypocritical.
-[Mackenzie] Phoebe, you're not listening.

He did not speak about
a connection with you guys.

But that's not how the conversation went.

[Mackenzie] That is how it went.

[Phoebe] But what I'm trying
to say is that

my perception of the conversation,
whether you meant it or not,

did not come off that way for me.

What about speaking to my perspective
is disrespectful, is what I'm asking?

-I never said disrespect.
-You said--

No, you said you disrespected me.
You can ask the girls.

I did not say that. I just had this kiss
and I was telling the girls about it

and then you kinda make me,
like, take two steps back.

I was happy to not
say a word in that room.

[whispers] They're arguing.

But you're trying to make excuses for,
"Nadjha asked me. Nadjha did this."

I'm done.

[narrator] Spy, giggle, run away.

Some call it the fountain of youth.

I really like Phoebe
'cause I would've been like,

-"I'm really excited for you guys."
-Yeah.

[Jeff] Damn, that got spicy!

Not the yelling.

Do you feel better? I feel better.

I feel so much better.

[Deb] Carry on.

[narrator] Welcome back to
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.

-You're welcome.
-Mm.

I wanna demand pancakes.

[narrator] It's Mackenzie's birthday
and we got her the best gift ever:

the opportunity
to make breakfast for other people

with a depressed look on her face.

Yay!

[upbeat pop music playing]

-[Jeff] Pancakes and everything?
-[Mackenzie] Yeah.

Well, help yourselves.

-Wow.
-[Chad] Happy birthday!

-Thank you.
-Happy birthday.

-[Mackenzie] Yay!
-Hi.

-Happy birthday, Mackenzie!
-Thank you!

Damn! Who's making all these?

Yeah, I made those.
Well, you guys are welcome.

They're banana chocolate chip.

Let's go!

It's the best birthday breakfast ever.

[narrator] Nothing says happy birthday
like clocking in as a diner cook.

Happy birthday, Mackenzie.

[narrator] Welcome to the annual
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits

water pong championships.

I'm your host, Iain Stirling.

Join me as we celebrate
the world of water pong.

Preferred to beer pong by sober people

and dehydrated marathon runners.

All right, let's do this.

[narrator] Our first heated competition
is between Deb and Jesse,

aka Jebra,

and Joel and Mackenzie,

who recently took the gold
in the friend zone international.

Just exhilarating!

All the excitement of a cup of water,

and then several more cups of water.

Noice!

-[narrator] Joel's got one!
-There we are.

Normally this is
when you'd rip off your jersey,

but Joel's already shirtless.

You never thought
that through, Joel, did you?

-That's a solid contact.
-Outside.

-Nice!
-[narrator] Jesse ties it up.

I don't know why children
need fields and gymnasiums

when this can give them
all the exercise they need.

I could have ended up
a pro water pong player,

but I hurt my wrist
throwing rubbish in a dustbin.

-Nice!
-Oh, man!

[narrator] Reliving the magic
of the hideaway there.

Seemed like it was gonna be way more fun.

[narrator] We all did, Mackenzie.

[Jesse] There it is.

-Nice! Nice, Joel! Okay. Okay.
-[cheering]

-Yes, Joel!
-Yes!

-That was great!
-That was nice.

Good job!

Ball's back.

-Good job, guys!
-All right. Yeah!

[Jesse] We gotta go now, Deb. We gotta go.

Yes, Deb. Yes, Deb. You got this.

-Breathe.
-I want this for you.

-On three.
-Oh!

Let's go! Let's go!

-Let's go!
-Yeah.

[narrator] Well,
we learned two things today.

One, the Islanders
are not great at beer pong,

and two, Jesse loves slapping hands.

Enjoy.

[clapping rhythmically to b*at]

All right. We got this.

[narrator] Professional editors
who failed at being professional musicians

are the best professional editors.

Seven.

[narrator] 'Sup, bro?

Let's look at some of the bros
who bro'd the way you gotta bro, bro.

Let's start with arguably
this season's ultimate bro,

"Zay Way, bro."

Like, nah, bro.

Bro code, bro. Bro?

Damn bro. Bro. Bro.

Bro. Bro. Bro.

Bro. Bro! Bro. Bro.

Bro. All right, bro. Bro. Bro.

[narrator] Zay Way, bro. Hang on, bro.

Seems like you've got
some last minute contenders.

[Jesse] You're just natural, bro.

You're gonna model, bro. I'm telling you.

-Bro.
-Bro.

-Bro.
-That sh*t's too easy, man,

[Jesse] And you know you've gotta
set your move up for the next move.

Yeah.

Bro. It's bro code, bro.

-Bro.
-Bro, so you know

it's such a challenging sport, bro,
so I fell in love with it, bro.

I'm like, "Bro."

-Yeah, bro.
-Yeah.

-This is like life. You know what I mean?
-Yeah.

Bro code, bro. That's bro code, bro.

Vibe, bro. It's time off, bro.

Love a vacation, bro.

Do you not understand
what f*cking bro code is?

Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro.

[narrator] Bro! It's official.

This season's ultimate bro is Isaiah.

Bro!

Bro.

The following Unseen Bit
demonstrates the cold, hard truth

that handsome men who look good shirtless

can completely bypass all the stuff
you're supposed to learn when you're 11.

Yeah. There ain't much partying
in Western Mass.

Not much partying?
Not much partying. Really?

Yeah, man. We ain't got no clubs and sh*t.

[Jesse] What?

[narrator] There's a stereotype
that Americans

don't know anything about Europe.

Well, we're gonna shatter that stereotype

by showing Americans not knowing
anything about America either.

What's the best school up there
that's for, like, smart people?

Harvard, MIT.

-MIT?
-[Jesse] Harvard's there too?

-[Joel] Yeah.
-Harvard in Massachusetts?

Yeah. Harvard's in Boston, bro.

-[Jeff] Oh, Harvard in Boston?
-Yeah.

Where's Yale at?

New Haven, Connecticut.

-Oh, Connecticut.
-That's where Yale at?

[Joel] Yeah.

I never know where them schools were, bro.

I didn't know that either.

-That's all that New England sh*t.
-[Jesse] Smart.

New England is smart as f*ck, bro.

-[Jeff] Yeah.
-It's insane.

How far are you from New England?

I live in New England.
Massachusetts is part of New England.

-Really?
-Massachusetts, New Hampshire,

-Vermont, Maine
-That's all New England?

[Joel] Connecticut, New York.
It's all New England.

Huh?

[narrator] We're all witnessing
Jesse's mind breaking.

-That's all British.
-Yeah.

It's that section of
the country is New England.

Technically?

Nope. Like that's what it's--

-That's what it is.
-That's what it's called.

-It's New England.
-But how is that called New England?

Hold on. Hold on.
Massachusetts is a state.

Yeah.

-Massachusetts is--
-New England is a city?

-[Joel] No, New England is--
-That's a football team.

He thinking about the Patriots, bro.

So it's really not.

So they're named
after a whole f*cking state?

They're named after--
named after the group of states.

-Six territories?
-Yeah.

-Wow!
-Or I mean, I guess

New York isn't really
considered in New England,

-but it is New England kind of.
-Yeah. Kind of.

-What the hell?
-Depending on where you're at.

-[Joel] Yeah, but I mean--
-New England's not a city?

-[Joel] No.
-No.

So you thought New England Patriots
was named after a city.

Patriots are in Boston, bro.

No, they're not even in Boston.
They're in f*cking Foxborough.

-Yeah, in Foxborough.
-Which is like 45 minutes

-south of Boston.
-So that's the city though?

-[Joel] Yeah.
-Foxborough is a city for sure.

f*cking New England
is six states combined.

That's funny as f*ck,
you thought it was a city.

Yeah. Every other f*cking football team
is the f*cking city.

[narrator] Between the regional
misunderstandings and concussions,

I think it's fair to say that football
has left a lot of people confused.

-Wow!
-[laughing]

sh*t be so weird.

[narrator] We hope you're enjoying
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits,

The Educational Program.

Up next, Mackenzie teaches string theory,

and Isaiah breaks down how fiscal policy

will change earning estimates
for the Japanese commodities market,

konichiwa.

What the hell?

[narrator] Welcome back to
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

This week our Islanders
heard tweets about them,

but each name was replaced with a blank

and they had to guess
who the tweet was about.

If you thought the challenge you saw
was excessive, good, you.

It was actually even better.

Here's some tweets
that didn't make the cuts.

"Blank just wanna have fun.
Not from what I'm watching. #Boring."

So it's Chad.

The man just keeps to himself.

I said Chad.

You also went with Chad.

We've also gone with Chad.

[screaming]

That just kind of shows, you know,

I'm not trying to cause
any f*cking problems.

This tweet says,
"The girls just wanna have fun.

Not from what I'm watching. #Boring."

Damn!

Wait. So they're saying that we're boring?

-Yeah.
-[Deb] I'm offended.

Next tweet, "Blank is the type of F boy

that drunkenly marries you in Vegas

and then ghosts you the next day.

Blank deserves better."

-Whoa!
-No, it is not Jesse.

Um, we said Jeff and Nadjha solely because

there have been a few jokes
about Jeff having two phones.

Oh. Oh, that's fair.

Myself and Mackenzie,
I don't think I am that but--

I don't think you're a f*ck boy.

Isaiah and Sydney.

We said Isaiah and Sydney as well.

Isaiah just looks like a f*ck boy.
It's the dangly earring.

[narrator] Deb is great with nuance.

About as good as Isaiah's poker face
when his feelings are hurt.

We said Jeff and Nadjha.

And we said Jesse and Deb.

Full tweet: "Isaiah is the type of F boy
that will drunkenly marry you in Vegas

and then ghost you the next day.

Sydney deserves better."

[Sydney] Isaiah's not a f*ck boy.

And I have many experiences with f*ck boys

and Isaiah is not one.

-She's right.
-Aw.

[narrator] When I ask my parents
about how they met,

my mom says the same thing.

"Went through a mountain of F boys
and then I met your dad."

It's really touching stuff.

This challenge definitely sucked.

And I think, you know,
being called a f*ck boy

isn't always the worst thing.

Saying I'm a f*ck boy
is understandable, I guess.

Very mature, Zay.
They say F boy acceptance

is the first step to recovery.

Step two is finding yourself
back in a vicious cycle

of fornicating with half strangers.

Let's see what we have here.

It reads, "Deb, worried about Mackenzie

because she knows that
her fake relationship with Jesse

is bound to collapse
since it's been held together

by a smoke screen of deceit."

With who?

Because Mackenzie knows
it's been held together?

Relationship with who?

Because Deb knows that
her fake relationship with Jesse

is bound to collapse
due to a smoke screen of deceit.

Therefore she's worried about
Mackenzie entering the villa.

-Yeah.
-Oh!

-Oh.
-Oh!

Oh.

[narrator] Not all of Twitter
is a joyless, egotistical critique

into the black hole that merely echoes
your own personal dissatisfaction.

Sometimes the tweets say nice stuff
about our contestants.

"Looks like Joel and Mackenzie
are giving peanut butter and jelly vibes.

For sure a perfect match."

Oh, sh*t!

[narrator] Could a missed love connection
be about to happen?

From the look on Joel's face, I'd say so.

Okay, bestie.

[narrator] Apparently not.
For all the super cool dudes at home,

when a girl calls you "bestie,"

that's the cue to stop imagining
your wedding with her in your heads.

Uh, you know,
ever since Mackenzie came in,

you know,
we vibed together and I do agree.

It's a perfect match,
but, you know, just as friends.

Yeah, I agree. I second that.

I think that, you know,
we're the first ones up in the morning.

We have our little time together.

Lucky to have met him.

[narrator] Nothing forms an instant bond
between two people faster

than all other possibilities
being unconscious.

Kiss me, truly.

Well, now Joel and Mackenzie
are officially BFFs,

let's take a look at how they navigated
this completely mutual decision.

-I hate the word friend zone.
-Yeah.

I wish there was a better term.

Do you wanna create our own word?

-Yeah.
-Let's create our own word.

PB-and-J'ing it.

-PB-and-J'ing it?
-Making a sandwich.

-Um--
-Are you peanut butter and jealous?

[both] Oh!

[both laughing]

Am I the peanut butter or am I the jelly?

I feel like you're the jelly
because you're sweet.

-Damn!
-I'm peanut butter

because I can be crunchy.

I can be tough and crunchy
or I can be smooth.

You don't think I can be
smooth or crunchy or… [grunts]

[laughing]

I look like peanut butter.

You look like peanut butter.

I feel like I would do a good job of
sealing the edges of the sandwich.

I just think you have to be the jelly.

Peanut butter is definitely
the rougher one, you know?

I can be rough.

Try to say something offensive to me.

f*ck!

[laughing]

Your eyebrows are drawn in.

[both] Oh!

-Burn!
-Burn!

You just solidified the jelly title.

I eat more peanut butter than you.

-Yes.
-I haven't seen you

-eat peanut butter once.
-This is true.

-I haven't eaten peanut butter once.
-So I get to be peanut butter.

Fine. You're peanut butter.
Okay. Fine. God, I'm such a pushover.

[both laughing]

That laugh?

[mimics cackling]

Wow, that was sexy.
You should do that again.

You know what, Joel?

-Being sexy is so overrated.
-It's gonna be hard to wingman that.

Being sexy is incredibly overrated.

It is. It is.

I just like being… I just like being this.

It's smooth and creamy.

It's smooth, creamy.

Rich and delicious.

Tomboy and girly at the same time.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

Thank you. I don't feel like I get
the tomboy credit that I deserve.

-Yeah. I think it--
-Buh-buh!

I don't get what the buh-buh was for,
but sure.

-Like it just seems like I'm tough.
-Oh, okay. Sure.

You are tough.

Tough nut to cr*ck.

-Boom!
-Peanut butter.

-Oh! Yes!
-Boom!

Got 'em.

[narrator] Welcome back to
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

Beautiful drone sh*ts, camera operator.

But the drones aren't the only loud

and expensive liability
at the villa today.

We also gave the Islanders babies.

What's the difference between
real milk and breast milk?

Well, it's definitely
better for the child.

-[Sydney] Real milk comes from a cow.
-Oh.

Breast milk comes from a human.
Big difference.

[chuckles]

-It's a fair point.
-[Jesse] Yeah.

[narrator] Nice to see the Islanders
are learning parenting basics.

Having a baby led to a walk
down memory lane for Timmy and Zeta.

[Zeta] And baby, this is where
Dad recoupled with me.

[laughs] This is where your mother
licked honey off of another man.

Why she would do that?
Is that what you said?

Why would she? I don't know, Nine.

[Zeta] This is also the villa where your
dad gave loads of energy to another woman.

-[Timmy] Oh, wow!
-[Zeta] And, you know,

they got recoupled with each other.

[narrator] But it wasn't
a walk in the park for everyone.

-[baby crying]
-He's so annoying.

I'm taking you to
the fire station! Shut up!

[narrator] Luckily, there are
support systems for parents:

alcohol, tax fraud,
noise-canceling headphones.

The Islanders went with
a more wholesome approach:

"mommy and me" class.

Hey, it's been weeks since I last saw you.

-Hey. Yeah.
-How was your kids' soccer practice?

The last time I saw you was, what?
Last week at Pilates.

Oh, yeah. Pilates is nice.

It's so nice having a support system,
and, you know, that's what we are.

Oh, the twins are here.

All the girls are just
one big support system.

Especially during these--
these difficult times

of being new mothers, you know?

[Zeta] What do we do at
"mommy and me" classes?

[Nadjha] I don't know.
I've never been to one.

All right, I'll go first. Hi.

Oh, hi. What's his name?

Tucker Ray Robinson.

-[Zeta] Wow!
-[Deb] Tucker Ray Robinson.

[Zeta] Tucker Ray.

This is the best surprise ever.

[Deb] Aw!

FML. Twins.

This is Ace.

Hi, Ace.

He's 20 minutes older than Alaila here.

He's definitely
the more needy one out of the two.

-Ace is like his dad.
-[Sydney] Mm-hmm.

She can just chill like this
on her back all day.

Just like her mother.

-An independent bad bitch.
-[Sydney] Yep.

I'm struggling to keep
my eyes open. I'm exhausted.

This is, um, Violet Rose.

-Hi, Violet.
-[Zeta] Hi, Violet.

She was a whopping nine pounds
when I pushed her out.

-Wow! Yeah.
-Whoa!

This is Nine.

Aw, that is the cutest name
I have ever heard.

This is Bill.

Hey, Bill.

Bill Chubbs Bray.

Oh, his middle name is Chubbs?

Yes, we couldn't let go of my last name,
but we just added the S.

[Sydney] He looks so cute.

Bill is gonna be an athlete.

We're gonna start him young.

He is very dense already,

-just like his mom and dad.
-[Sydney] Wow! Wow!

[narrator] Dense? That's harsh.
The baby was just born.

What were you expecting, Deb?
A mechanical engineer?

He was born with a six pack.

[baby crying]

Shut up!

[crying continues]

Why are you so fussy, Bill?

Let's talk about the real things

that no one really talks about
that we're going through.

You know, motherhood's
been tough and I need to

remind myself just that wine
is not always the answer, you know?

Everyone's always like,

"Have a glass of wine.
Have a glass of wine."

But then I find myself hammered
at 4:00 p.m.

And I think that's probably
the most important thing.

-Oh, my God! I can't cope.
-That being a mom

isn't about just coping with wine,

it's about having a community,
like you guys,

-to talk about…
-I need a moment.

And just to distract myself
from the need to dream.

Same time next week, ladies.

Anybody going to Pilates this week?

-I'll probably be there on Wednesday.
-I'll probably be at Pilates.

Yeah. I can't work out.

I just had my tummy tucked
after having twins, you know?

You're still recovering
from your tummy tuck?

Yeah. These twins took it outta me.

My vag*na ripped to my ass.

-Ugh.
-I'll be recovered in, like, eight weeks.

[Zeta] Okay. Fair enough.

[narrator] After a day of parenting,
our Islanders got together

and did exactly what we raised
our children not to do:

drink, curse and criticize each other.

I feel like you guys are almost like
the black-and-white version of each other.

In a way,
can't you kind of see it a little bit?

-[Nadjha] Looks wise or like--
-No, no. They don't look alike.

-[Nadjha] They kind of do!
-I guess they kind of do.

[Nadjha] They kind of do
look alike though.

Both shredded, both huge.

[Nadjha] Okay. Be serious. Serious faces.

-[Jeff] Nah.
-[Nadjha] Smile.

[Jeff] Smile.

Like, they're both someone, like,
I would let date my daughter.

Oh, man! Thanks.

-I would.
-[Joel] I appreciate that, man.

Who would you not let date your daughter?

-Easy. Jeff.
-What? Date your daughter?

-Hell no!
-Wouldn't let me date?

-No.
-Why?

Because you got two phones.

[laughing]

Which girl in the villa
would you not let date your son?

-Girl.
-Phoebe.

And then what guy
would you not let date your daughter?

Probably Joel. He gonna bore her to death.

Damn, bro!

-[Nadjha] Isaiah, your turn.
-I think the guy would be Timmy.

[Nadjha] The guy? Really? Interesting.

Girl.

You.

[all laughing]

-[Nadjha] Okay. Your turn, Joel.
-Phoebe and Chad.

-[Isaiah] Wow!
-[Nadjha] Phoebe and Chad. Okay.

-What about you, Jesse?
-Phoebe and Chad.

[Sydney] Phoebe and Chad? Really?

[Nadjha] What are y'all talking about?
Chad's a little odd,

but I'd let him date my daughter.

[narrator] Well,
Nadjha took a poll and figured out

who the least exemplary Islanders are.

Now she's going to confront them.

Way unsolicited drama
stirring in the form of a game?

I'm sorry. Nadjha,
who gave you permission to do the job

of the British producers
that run this TV show?

I'm not gonna lie. Everyone so far
has said you're the most--

-Yeah.
-That they wouldn't let?

Wouldn't let their daughter date you.

-Why?
-All the guys have said you so far.

-That's good for me.
-I think someone said Joel.

[Phoebe] Uh, a girl?

-Why would you choose--
-So far you're the winner on that one.

-Me?
-[Nadjha] Yes.

-Back to back, "Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe."
-[Phoebe] Why?

-I don't know why. Yeah.
-Why me though?

-I don't know.
-I don't know either.

-I didn't say that.
-Don't-- I'm perfect for any person.

So, I was confused.

-I was like, "Phoebe?"
-Who said me?

Did Jeff?

-Did you say Phoebe?
-I didn't say Phoebe.

Jesse said Phoebe. Joel said Phoebe.

-Isaiah said me.
-I wonder what they think.

-Am I, like, too smart maybe?
-Probably.

You know guys are wanting a stupid girl.

Hold up. Why have I not been said more?

[all laughing]

[narrator] Welcome back to
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

Due to a rigorous schedule
of making out on patio furniture

and being denied books and films,

the Islanders' vocabularies
are being reduced.

But they're having fun.
It's a fair trade off, if you ask me.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

[Nadjha] Yeah, it's good for a little bit,

but eventually, like,
the cookie starts to crumble.

It's how the cookie crumbles.

It's how the cookie crumbles
in this bitch.

It's literally just, like,
how your specific cookie crumbles.

Right. Just how the cookie crumbled.

-It's how the cookie crumbled, you know?
-Yeah, bro.

[narrator] Sometimes
their communication skills

regress so severely
they invent their own language.

It's a common side effect
of being isolated

in the same vacation rental
for long periods.

[Chad gibbering]

[narrator] Young men speaking a strange
language and changing in front of me

will always remind me of the youth hostel
where I got my Blackberry stolen.

[Timmy laughing]

-What is that?
-It's our own language, bro.

[narrator] Oh, no! Timmy is curious.

Timmy, step away from
the obscure villa dialect

before you sprain a tongue.

[gibbering]

-It's so hard.
-[Timmy] But what is it derived from?

Just being an advanced species.

-Oh.
-No other way to look at it but--

[gibbering] I can say it too.

[all laughing]

He sounds like that
with like a smidge of Stitch.

Say-- The best one to do
is to say Phoebe in that.

-That's how you know you can do it.
-[gibbering]

What the f*ck?

That was good.

You say it. You say it.

[gibbering]

No, say Phoebe though. Say Phoebe.

-[gibbering]
-That's not Phoebe.

He was about to say--

Okay. Say, "Conditioner."

-[gibbering]
-[laughing]

[Chad] I don't know
what the f*ck you're doing.

[Isaiah] He's trying. He's trying.

He's trying. He just needs to try harder.

[all gibbering]

Yeah, see! That was a good one.
That was actually really good.

I put [gibbers] in the closet
[gibbers] in my [gibbers].

You put your shirt in your closet?

Yeah.

[narrator] That language
is weirding me out.

I'm just a regular guy
trying to make jokes

while watching footage of young men
change in their bedroom.

Let's just be normal, please!

[Isaiah] Looks way better.
Way better [gibbers].

-Way better?
-Yeah.

[both gibbering]

[narrator] Speaking of creative ways
to use your mouth…

[Phoebe]
"Islanders, tonight the hideaway is open."

Nadjha and Jeff!

Nadjha and Jeff!

The Islanders picked Nadjha and Jeff
to spend the night in the hideaway.

-Hideaway!
-Hideaway!

-Jefe!
-Jefe!

♪ To the hideaway ♪

[narrator] And Jeff grabbed
a carton of milk,

which is about as sexy
a beverage choice as clam chowder.

Bye!

[all cheering, clamoring]

[narrator] I would rather become
a professional crocodile dentist

than chug milk before a hot date.

Very counterintuitive, Jeffrey.

[cheering continues]

-[Zeta] He took the whole 2% milk!
-[Timmy] I don't--

-[Zeta] What's that about?
-[Deb] It's the milk!

He's gonna pour milk on her ass.

[Zeta] Is that what he's joking about?

-What a joker!
-He's not joking.

He's not pouring it on Nadjha's bum.

I mean, I really think it would be,
like, actually a disjustice

if we didn't use this pole.

[Jeff]

I'm feeling, like, Magic Mike energy.

[Jeff] Magic Mike?

[upbeat pop music playing]

Yes!

[Jeff] I should put some oil on.

[narrator] Like the Defenestrations
of Prague, it's not a laughing matter.

A greased up stripper is
a broken femur waiting to happen.

Just ask my close colleague, Sugar Cookie.

[music continues]

I know you like--

What the f*ck?

[both laughing]

I give up.

You were doing so good.

[narrator] It's the final week
at the villa,

and if you need further proof
that the Islanders are going stir crazy,

here's Deb drinking
and talking to empty chairs.

Just sitting here by myself.

[narrator] Like my poorly received
one man show

about my hemorrhoid operation.

I guess all my friends
are probably wondering

why I've gathered you guys here today.

It's just an honor to be with all of you

and just to really get to share
this experience

with each and every one of you.

It's not every day that you
are thrown into a villa for the summer

and are surrounded by such amazing people.

But, you know, I truly am just…

just really happy and honored to be here.

So cheers to all of you guys.

Thanks for being around
and so supportive of me

and just understanding.

That's all I could ask for from
such a great group of people.

Cheers to you all!

[narrator] Those poor chairs.

Four legs, but none of them can run away.

Where the f*ck is everyone?

-[narrator] Well, this is it…
-[Jeff] Oh, man!

…the final segment of
Love Island USA: Unseen Bits.

[Jeff] This is for real.

[narrator] It's been six weeks
of love and heartache.

I'm not this girl.

Joy and sorrow.

Pride and shame.

And pride and shame.
Did I mention pride and shame?

But in all seriousness…

Look at them over there.

…Love Island is all about finding love,

so I can't think of a more appropriate way
to wrap things up

than by Islanders shoving
food in their mouths and throwing it up.

It's okay to cry. It's a gag reflex.

Oh, sh*t! I love marshmallows.

So Lovey-Dovey is a game
where you can see how many marshmallows

you can fit in your mouth.

Chubby Bunny but Love Island version.

-So, yeah.
-Lovey-Dovey. I get it.

We're gonna go around.

We're gonna see who can fit
the most in their mouth.

Well, let's get into it.

[Sydney] Okay. I'll start it off.

[Deb] Sydney's gonna start!

Okay.

Lovey-Dovey one.

I can't. I can't even say it.

[Isaiah] Come on.

[muffled] Lovey-Dovey.

[laughing]

[Isaiah] Hey, you got two. You got two.

Lovey-Dovey.

-There you go. You got three. Okay.
-Yeah.

[Deb laughing]

You got four. Don't spit them out.

Lovey-Dovey.

Five. Good job!

Oh, wow!

[all laughing]

-[Jesse] That's six.
-Come on, you're at six!

Say it.

[Jesse] Wow.

-Okay. Okay.
-Where'd that come from?

No, I was choking on it.

Oh, sh*t!

All right, Deborah.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-You gotta love it.

-She got a method to it.
-[Jesse] Yeah.

Lovey-Dovey.

Lovey-Dovey.

-[Jesse] You're at four.
-[laughing]

It's hard, bro.

-[Jesse] Come on Deborah.
-[Sydney] Lovey-Dovey.

-[muffled] Lovey-Dovey.
-Five.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Yeah.

Lovey-Dovey.

[laughing]

Lovey-Dovey.

Oh my gosh, Deb!

Look at them cheeks!

-Lovey-Dovey.
-[Jesse] Is that eight?

-[Sydney] I can't watch!
-[Jesse] Wow!

Wow!

-[Jesse] Good job.
-Eight.

[Jesse] Wow!

Let's see, Isaiah. The Zay Way.

-Oh, I guess the best for last?
-Yeah. Come on.

Jesse's best for last, I guess. Okay.

[Jesse] Let's see that technique.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-[Deb] Good job.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Two.

-Oh, that's a good technique!
-[Jesse] Yeah.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-[Jesse] Yeah.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Four.

Damn. He can still talk perfectly.

Lovey-Dovey.

-[Deb] You're like a hamster.
-Lovey-Dovey.

-He's just shoving them in there!
-Lovey-Dovey.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-That's eight.

-Lovey-Dovey
-Yeah.

Look at him.

Lovey-Dovey.

You got ten, bro. That's 11.

-Damn. You can fit a whole lot in there.
-Wow!

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Wow.

-Man! Look at him.
-Lovey-Dovey.

Look at him go.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-[Sydney] Like, that is too much!

[all laughing]

-Come on, Joey Chestnut.
-Lovey-Dovey.

[laughing]

Wow! He's using the upper lip too.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Fifteen!

[all laughing]

Lovey-Dovey.

Ew!

-Let me see.
-How many were there?

Wow!



Fifteen f*cking marshmallows.

-Come on. Get 16, baby.
-[Jesse] All right.

[narrator] And now
the final round of Lovey-Dovey,

the last moment of
Love Islands USA: Unseen Bits.

Let's see if Mr. Quiet
has the biggest mouth.

Take it away, Jesse.

Let's get it started.
Let's get it started.

-Yeah. Say it, say it.
-Lovey-Dovey.

-Okay.
-Lovey-Dovey.

It doesn't even look like
you have them in.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Okay. Three.

I'm f*cking fantastic.

Lovey-Dovey.

-Four.
-[Isaiah] Yeah, four.

Lovey-Dovey.

-Man, those are stretchy.
-[Deb] You look like you have a…

He looks like he has a swollen face.

Lovey-Dovey. Lovey-Dovey.

[dramatic music playing]

Lovey-Dovey. Lovey-Dovey.
Lovey-Dovey. Lovey-Dovey.

Lovey-Dovey.

-[in slow motion] Lovey-Dovey.
-Come on, baby!

[laughing in slow motion]

[music stops]

[normal] Oh, my God.
You look like a walrus.

-[dramatic music resumes]
-[all laughing]

[in slow motion] Lovey-Dovey.

[normal] Lovey-Dovey.

I can't look at y'all. I'm gonna laugh.

Lovey-Dovey.

Lovey-Dovey. [gags]

Don't choke!

[laughing]

-[mumbling]
-[all laughing]

-Lovey-Dovey.
-[Sydney] Fourteen.

-Lovey-Dovey.
-Fifteen.

Fifteen.

-We're at least tied.
-[Sydney] And the winner…

[laughing]

Come on, say it.

There we go.

Oh!

Lovey-Dovey.

[Sydney] Sixteen.

Hey, winner, winner chicken dinner.

-I'm gonna wash my hands.
-[both laughing]

[narrator] And the winner is Jesse.

Can you believe he gets
a hundred grand for that?

-[producer] Iain!
-[narrator] What?

[producer] That's tomorrow's show.

[narrator] Oh, right.

Apparently that's tomorrow's show. Sorry.

-Lovey-Dovey. Lovey-Dovey, baby.
-[Isaiah] Lovey-Dovey, champ!

[narrator] And that's it.

Love Island USA: Unseen Bits
is headed back into hibernation.

Summer is coming to a close

and so it's time to put the bathing suit
and scuba gear you never use

deep into your closet
behind your half-hearted vinyl collection

and the robot vacuum that scares your dog.

Until next year,
the villa will be here waiting for you.

And by here, I mean, whatever place

that isn't an island
we randomly call an island.

I'm Iain Stirling. So long, America.