07x02 - Superfan Steph

[bunniefuu]

[theme music plays]

Hey! Hey! Hey!
We say "q*eer," you say "Eye."

-q*eer!
-Eye!

-q*eer!
-Eye!

Good job. Go, Bobby!

-Go, Bobby!
-All right, kids.

This week,
we are helping Stephanie Williams.

-Yeah?
-[laughs]

And what else, Bobby?

-Stephanie Williams is New Orleans'--
-Bobby, tell us.

Tells us more.

-[Bobby laughs]
-[Tan] Tell us more.

[Bobby] All right. "Stephanie Williams is
New Orleans' number one sports superfan."

[sighs]

I am the first
New Orleans Saints Fan of the Year.

I don't kiss it
'cause that would be weird, right?

I might give it the winky-wink,
but I don't… I don't kiss it.

[laughs]

I was brought up cheering on the Saints.

Ever since then,
it just genuinely makes me happy.

I have a lot of sports memorabilia.

It's kind of become
a little bit of an addiction.

I probably wear sports stuff
365 days a year.

"When she wears
her famous Pelicans basketball hat,

people know her as Mama Bird."

It's a vibe.

Mama Bird is a vibe.

[caws]

"Stephanie and her partner, Rachael,
or Ray, have been together for six years."

-She's a lesbian?
-That's a big deal!

Yay, lesbians!

[Steph] We have been living
in my dad's house for about four years,

trying to save our money.

It's been a pretty tight squeeze,
but we're making it work.

-[Steph] Did you give him a Cheeto?
-No.

You are…

[woman] We love her dad.

He's been so amazing.

But it's time. [laughs]

Like, it's time for us to go.

[Steph] We just bought a new house.

It is the house we've been looking at
for several years.

Every time we dropped by,
we were like, "Oh, I love that house,"

and now it's ours!

[Steph] It's a new beginning for us.

I get reminded every day
that she's waiting.

She's waiting on that ring.

[laughs]

[Steph] I just never felt confident
that she would say yes.

[Ray]
Her insecurities play into that a lot.

It's kind of challenging as a partner.

You know?

"Rachael's nominating Stephanie
because Rachael has seen Stephanie

become a shell
of her former, once confident, self."

No!

Foul on the play!

[all laugh]

[Ray] Whenever I first met Stephanie,
she always wore, like, cute outfits.

She was super, super confident
and happy all the time.

But now the confident Stephanie
that I met six years ago

is no more.

"Being gay in the South has taken a toll."

Aw.

"Stephanie is holding onto
embarrassments, fears, and insecurities

that are stopping her
from living her life to the fullest."

What happened?

[Steph] There was an incident
that I was really made to feel other.

That moment lives with me
every single day.

It's hard to be different

and not be able to control
that you're different.

And then people hate you for it
without even getting to know you.

[Ray] Instead of just being happy,
she's always worried

about what other people think
and outward appearances.

It's kind of terrible to watch,
and I can only reassure her so much.

She's gotta do that herself too.

"Moving to their first home
is a chance for a fresh start."

-You gotta release, girl.
-[Bobby] I know.

"They have never entertained as a couple,
so at the end of the week,

Stephanie and Rachael are hosting
family and friends in their new home."

"Rachael hopes Stephanie
can be as proud of herself

as she is to be a Saints fan."

[Steph] I'm scared. But it's time
for me to step up to the plate

and be a better me

so that I can be a better partner.

[Ray] I love her,

and, you know, I wanna be two old ladies,

you know… [laughs]

…growing old together.

"Our mission this week
is to help this New Orleans superfan

root for herself again!"

[all yell] Yeah!

Let's do it! Let's do it! Let's do it!

[theme music plays]

♪ Better ♪

♪ All things just keep getting better ♪

[suspenseful music plays]

[thunder rumbles]

Forever home.
Just keep thinking about it. Forever home.

[phone rings]

-[laughs]
-Hello?

[Bobby] See the weirdos outside
your window here, right behind you?

-Do you wanna let us in?
-Not really.

[Karamo] Let us in!

-[Steph] Oh my God.
-Hi.

-What's going on? Great to meet you.
-Oh my gosh.

-Hello! Nice to meet you. I'm Tan.
-Nice to meet you, Tan.

-Don't you have beautiful skin?
-Oh my God.

-[Karamo] How you doing?
-Good morning.

[Steph] Oh gosh!

I saw a face in the window,
and it made me…

This is New Orleans.
You can't show a face in the window!

-[laughs]
-[Jonathan] You have enchanting eyes.

When you make eye contact
with someone, wow.

-[Ray] Isn't she beautiful?
-You're stunning.

I was like, "Are you only looking at me?"
I can totally see this. So cute! Yeah!

[Karamo] That made you uncomfortable.

I was watching your body language.
You were, like, closed off.

"Please, I don't know."

[Antoni] I see a lot of boxes.

-Getting ready.
-[Steph] Yes.

[Ray] It's a mess, y'all.

-My homing beacon.
-[mysterious oscillation]

Baked goods.

[sniffs] Where are they?

-Delicious.
-[Jonathan] You have Bundt cake.

-It's store bought.
-But I love that.

I know that I'm here to help Stephanie,

but I didn't realize
there was going to be baked goods

from the grocery store.

-What are these?
-[Bobby] Pralines.

Oh, this is really cozy.
Oh, and you can tie it.

That is just like the one
that Björk wore that time!

-[Antoni] Touchdown!
-No, that's… that's another team.

Oh no!

This is the basketball team.

But hold on. You… but you…

Basketball.

Football.

This has become a little bit of storage
slash places to put sports memorabilia.

-Why is the Superdome seat here?
-You feel like you're there.

There is so much sport memorabilia,
paraphernalia, whatever.

I don't know the technical terms.
Sports sh*t everywhere.

Come on, now.

This is just way too much.

It doesn't feel like a home.

This was supposed to be my closet.

It feels like a run-down sports museum.

This has been going on for three years.

[Karamo] Wow.

-That's really good!
-Really?

She is so much more than this.

So tell me about how it's been
being back home the last four years.

-Yeah?
-Uh.

Is it? And counting.

-[laughs]
-Um, it's just been a lot.

It has been a mental toll
on Rachael and I.

There is no personal space,

even, like, for us,
like, just to cuddle or like…

She's a nurse.

Sometimes she wants to come home
and decompress.

Yep.

Family time with Dad
isn't necessarily that time.

I don't think
I've seen a picture of the two of you.

No. No.

She's been basically feeling
like a houseguest for four years.

-Pretty much.
-Yeah?

This new house, though, it's a chance
to maybe right some of these wrongs.

Very much so. Yes.

Maybe we just do,
like, a sports-memorabilia room.

[Steph] One room?

-The fact that you can even have…
-I know.

…a whole room
dedicated to just memorabilia

is crazy.

-Point taken. [laughs]
-Okay. Good.

-[Steph] I like mac and cheese.
-[laughs]

Wow, you're a mac-and-cheese hoarder!

[gargling]

Do you doctor it up at all? With peas?

I would… Peas? In macaroni?

-I love peas in mac and cheese.
-No. No way.

[sighs]

If I asked Ray
what your, like, biggest faults were,

culinarily speaking.

-What does she grill you about?
-Everything.

[laughs]

Well, I don't even have to ask you, then.

-She doesn't eat vegetables at all.
-I eat corn.

-Unless it's cooked down.
-I eat corn.

Corn's a starch.

[laughs]

Anything that tastes green freaks me out.

It's a real thing!

I'm the worst person
for this conversation. This sounds good.

-Take care of my girl.
-I will. I promise.

Get my sweet, confident,
beautiful girlfriend back.

-Yeah.
-She needs this.

-[Antoni] We got this.
-Thank y'all.

She really wants the best for you.

I know, and nutrition-wise,
I'm, like, a terrible influence on her.

I do eat fast food. I eat fried food.

My dad and Rachael
usually eat the vegetables.

Dad will make her a salad.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

I just don't partake.

I stay in, like, a comfort zone
of what I know, and--

Just with food,
or with other stuff, maybe, too?

Everything's a comfort zone.

-Okay.
-I mean, like this.

This is a comfort zone.

But what are we doing this week?

We're gonna get a little uncomfortable.

Were you a big Bieber fan?

'Cause you got the cut.

-Oh, my gosh. I love it!
-[Tan] No, it's a Pete Wentz.

Pete Wentz? It's a Pete Wentz.

[Tan] It's a Pete Wentz.

-I had that cut too.
-What's wrong with that?

No, I had that too!

That was literally my haircut
for, like, three years.

Yes, yes, laugh all you want.

♪ Oh ♪

It was a look back then!

It was hot!

♪ Oh ♪

-Full disclosure, I used your Listerine.
-[Steph] That's okay.

So… okay, so tell me everything.

-This is Rachael's side.
-Okay. I love that.

-This is my side.
-Okay.

-And then you also have this pomade.
-[Steph] Yeah. Yeah.

Is that what you're rocking today?

[Steph] Yeah. It helps me with my part.

Yes, I see.

This is a common affliction of people
who don't know how to style their hair,

and it's very thickly applied,

helmet adjacent…

It's almost like…

No, I can't say that.

-I'm into it.
-Too much?

-No, just enough, queen.
-[laughs]

-It's just enough.
-[laughs]

And I can't say it.
I can't bring myself to say it.

She's giving me girl Eric Tr*mp Jr.

Okay? I said it.

With no beard. If you take that beard off.
Too mean. It's too mean.

But she is.

Do you feel totally, like, good

about the way you are feeling and looking?

I have very low self-esteem.

People wouldn't know that, but I just do.

Okay.

One of my first things we gotta get into,
and there's a mirror right here,

is to, like, get into a world
of, like, a little bit of an affirmation,

which is, "I accept myself completely."

"I accept myself completely."

Put your arms down to your sides.

[sighs]

It's not easy to do.

[poignant music plays]

Even if you don't believe it,
if you could just get 0.1% of yourself

to just be like,

"Maybe a part of me
could accept myself completely

just the way I am."

[sighs]

I accept myself completely.

[Jonathan] Two more reps.

I accept myself completely.

[Jonathan] One more rep.

I accept myself completely.

I don't feel that at all.
I don't even wanna look. I…

But these things manifest themselves
in all sorts of ways.

Stephanie's always derived her confidence
from her fandom of the Saints,

but when Stephanie starts
to talk about herself,

that confidence fades,

and she deserves to see her beauty.
She's a fabulous person.

So we're just gonna get
into a little gorgeous exploration.

That's all we're doing.

Strong-ass bitch.

[laughs]

Stephanie, your closet.

Gosh, it is packed.

I'm gonna take some sports stuff out
so we've got a little more room.

-I'm assuming you'll take all that.
-[laughs] Yeah.

Okay, so I'm seeing
a lot of polos and T-shirts.

A heck of a lot.

I don't like to wear anything
that's, like, too… too tight,

so I wear stuff
that's maybe a little bit bigger.

-This.
-It's comfort.

-Yeah.
-It's sneakers. It's basketball shorts.

I played basketball in college,
so I love my basketball shorts.

You used to get dressed up.

-Yes.
-Do you miss those times?

I miss feeling
the way that I felt when I dressed up,

but sometimes, like, people would judge me
because of the way that I look.

Is it because you look more masculine,

so people assume,
without even speaking to you,

that, "She must be lesbian"?

Yes. So I started wearing Saints stuff

and positive messaging
or New Orleans things.

Like, when I'm Mama Bird,
I can hug kids and talk to kids,

and people see the message
before they judge me.

Yeah, you're making other people happier
by "fitting in,"

but then you lose yourself completely.

I would love for you to just look cool.

But what does that look like?

I'm gonna show you this week,
but it's not in your closet!

[laughs]

Yes. Go, Saints!

Number one. Go, Saints!

It's very sweet.

All I saw when I walked in here
was sports, sports, sports.

I asked Rachael when you started this,
and she said three years ago.

Did something happen three years ago?

-[sighs]
-[emotional music plays]

There was a situation that, for me,
was kind of like a turning point.

We went to the bar.

We were sitting down to eat.
We'd been there some time.

There was a lady and, uh, her daughter
that came in to eat,

and there weren't enough seats.
And so I said, "You know what?"

"I'm willing to get up
and give that to them,"

and so I did.

And then after that,
the daughter was talking to her,

and it was a lot of very h*m*,
hateful things that were being said

and poking fun at the way that I look.

"Is that a he or a she?"

For the first time in my life,
I felt so incredibly small.

And, um, ever since then,

I just care too much
about making others comfortable.

"I don't wanna put
pictures of us everywhere

because then Dad
has to answer questions about that."

When we're going out,
I wanna hold her hand,

but a lot of times, I pull away.

And I know
that it has been difficult for her.

There've been times
where she's broken down.

Yeah.

[Karamo] Stephanie is believing
the narratives being told to her,

that she has to hide,

and that's an issue.

When did you start
to identify as a lesbian?

Like, latter part of college,
end of college. Yeah.

What was that reception like for you
from your family?

With, you know, my mom and dad,
I was pleasantly surprised.

-[uplifting music plays]
-Both were just so super receptive.

What about your siblings?

My youngest brother, Alex, he lives here.

We're a lot alike.

My brother Mark, who's my middle brother,
lives in Chicago.

-He is gay also.
-Oh wow. Okay. Two gay siblings.

-Right!
-All right.

Were you able to talk to your brother
about the incident that happened?

Never.

Why wouldn't you turn to them about this?
They would be able to understand.

When I talk about it,
it gets me emotional,

and I start to get upset
because we're not as close.

I wish sometimes I was closer.

Do you want yourself to be happy?

Yeah.

The first thing to do
is take off this mask.

Or, in your case,
you gotta take off that hat.

-[laughs]
-It's the truth.

You gotta take off that hat.

-Let's get you inside. Thanks for sharing.
-Thank you, K.

I don't appreciate
you dissing the bird hat though.

-[Karamo laughs] That bird hat has to go.
-[laughs]

[Antoni squawking]

Okay! What a gorgeous, clear closet.

-[Antoni] Fowl birds!
-Goodness.

-[Bobby] Tanny, Let's go.
-[Tan] We're done.

[grunts]

-[Jonathan] Let's go. Bye, house!
-New house! Woo-hoo!

I hope her dad's not mad
that I stole the Bundt cake.

[thunder rumbles]

I think he was mad I stole the Bundt cake.

♪ There's a feeling ♪

♪ Like something's in the air ♪

♪ I've been working… ♪

My biggest job this week is to teach Steph

that everything in your home

shouldn't just revolve
around what you love,

but it is very important
to think about, "What's Ray gonna love?"

"And what will we love together?"

An event changed
the trajectory of who she was

as a proud lesbian,

but Stephanie needs to realize that
there's options of support in her family.

She just needs to ask.

♪ Here's a toast to the good life… ♪

She doesn't know
what might make her feel better

when it comes to her attire.

I wanna show her that she can step
outside of her own comfort zone

and focus on
the new, proud, q*eer Stephanie.

♪ We can toast to the good life… ♪

By staying in her creature comforts,

she is preventing herself from living
a life beyond her wildest dreams.

♪ We can toast to the good life… ♪

What I wanna work on with Stephanie
is how to identify and celebrate

the already-thriving beauty
from within her.

And I'm so excited
because we are cooking up a major change.

[upbeat music plays]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Feeling oh so carefree ♪

Okay, the last time you came shopping?

I kind of avoid it like the plague
if I can. [laughs]

You are so aware
of how you identify as a q*eer woman,

and that is gonna be our stumbling block.

-[emotional music plays]
-Are you ashamed of your h*m*?

[sighs]

Not ashamed,

but I would say
that I feel like I'm a problem for others.

-And so I try to dial myself back a lot.
-Yeah.

I will say this.

It's something
I think many of us have to navigate.

I do exactly the same thing.

I just know, for my comfort and my safety,

sometimes it's not appropriate
for me to wear my heels… to my small town.

-It's just not.
-Yeah.

[Tan] And so I 100% understand.

But this is just a mask you put on

to make it more palatable
for everybody else.

I can't imagine you're thinking, "You know
what's gonna make me feel hot?"

"A pair of basketball shorts
and this hoodie."

No? Am I wrong?

No, not unless it's a game day
or something like that.

[Tan] Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, and game day, I get it.

I hope that we can get to a place
where you can still very much be yourself,

but a version of you you feel proud of
and confident to be publicly.

I wanna get there.
I really… I really, really do.

I'm gonna help you
by putting you in clothes.

That's just icing on the cake.
The rest of the cake is you.

[Tan] I can tell she's apprehensive
about what I might put her in,

but I need her
to work on being proud of who she is.

A proud lesbian, a proud woman.

I don't want her to feel
she has to shrink herself down.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.
If I get to be out and proud, so do you.

-[Tan] Ooh!
-[chuckles]

All right!

Come on over.

Tell me what you're thinking,
and then we'll tackle it.

So I haven't tucked a shirt in
probably in a super long time.

So tucking the shirt in

and having some of my stomach
kind of exposed,

it's a little insecurity for me.
I usually let stuff hang.

If this were not tucked in,
it would hang here.

Then you are all torso, teeny legs.

Not a great look.

What are you hiding?

Look at that.
Is that not flat as a pancake?

-Yes, you did just knock my penis. Is…
-[laughs]

Yeah!

But…

-It has been…
-It's been a while.

It's been a while
since a lady's knocked my penis!

-Wow, okay. Yeah.
-So, look.

When you look from the side,
is that not flat?

I mean, kind of?

Would it make it easier
to add something on

that kind of skirts these proportions?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Let's get you in something that's gonna
make you feel more confident.

[upbeat music plays]

Okay!

Come take a look at yourself.

You've got a T-shirt on,

but you've got something larger
that skims every area that you wanna skim.

If you were
to wear something like this for Rachael,

she'd see, yeah, you're still comfortable,

you're still casual,
but it still looks stylish.

It's not just, "I'm hiding."

Yeah. It would be like night and day.

I was a little skeptical,
but I actually like it.

Good.

I was scared
when you took everything out of the closet

and you just kind of thrown it in a pile.

It's very scary to say,
"Shed this part of you."

[Tan] I know.

I'm just trying to buff
the very best of you, not change you.

That means the world to me

in a place that wants
to continually change who you are.

Right, get back into
your basketball shorts and Saints shirt.

-Thank you.
-[Steph] Thank you, Tan.

She looks gorge.

[upbeat music plays]

♪ Acting a fool ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ You got me in a trance ♪

[Steph] Never been in a kitchen.

Never in a restaurant kitchen?
So this is the first.

-You're my first.
-I'm your first!

I'm so honored.

-Okay. You want to impress Ray?
-[Steph] Yes.

We wanna show her
that you are very capable

of preparing and consuming veggies.

So we're actually gonna make
a wonderful salad.

-Oh! Salad?
-It's so good. Salad.

-Sorry. Have you ever--
-You lost me at "salad." [laughs]

I have never met a grown adult…

A lot of green.

…a homeowner, in a committed relationship,

who is so petrified of vegetables.

She has to get a little uncomfortable.
She has to try new things.

-Will you at least try?
-Uh…

-I will try.
-Okay.

It's just scary.

[Antoni] I wanna show her that fruit
and veggies should be part of your meal.

So I'm gonna overwhelm her,
like a Michael Bay movie,

and we're gonna try all kinds of things.

[Antoni] Okay. In the summer,
watermelon and tomato,

it's a beautiful pairing.

-[Steph] Really?
-[Antoni] Yes.

Your favorite "vegetable."

Yay!

-Now she's excited.
-Now I get it.

More corn.

It's like "more cowbell." More corn!

-[Antoni] Now an avocado.
-[Steph] Okay.

[Ray] What would Ray say
if she saw you doing this?

Well, her mind would be blown
once she saw me, like, taste things.

-Tasting?
-Yeah.

[Antoni] You love her very much.
I see the way you look at her.

Very much. We've been together six years,
but I wanna be together sixty.

-Yeah.
-You know?

Have you ever had anything to celebrate
you and the life that you had?

How does that make you feel?

That's incredibly intimidating.

Yeah.

This housewarming is gonna be
closest family, closest friends,

in our own space.

What we say goes.

My family, they see us,
and they know we're together,

but I've never really said,
like, "This is who I am,"

and, "This is what I need,"
and, "Take it or leave it."

Yeah. I get it.

Part of growing up, when I realized

that there was
a part of me that liked guys,

it was so terrifying.

When I'd hang out with my dad,
it would be like,

"Okay, let's talk about things
that you're comfortable with."

-And I hid so many parts of myself.
-Yeah.

-And it's exhausting.
-It's very exhausting.

It makes me sad.
I know that it makes her sad.

-Totally.
-[Steph] That's not fair.

There's a price with that,
and it's your well-being.

It's like, do you really
wanna go through life

giving people
exactly what's expected of you?

Like, show them a different side.

Yeah.

-Yeah.
-[Steph] I'm not just this crazy fan.

[Antoni] Right.

That's a part of you, a great part,
but there's so much more, right?

Now you know that's not working anymore

because you want change.

Yeah.

[Antoni] And it all starts
with trying a cucumber.

Oh!

It's just a veggie.

When I think about crunchy veggies,
it makes me cringe a little.

[Antoni] Okay. Do you have a desire
to try just a little

and see how it makes you feel?

[Steph] Ugh.

That is gonna taste really green though.

[Antoni] It is
because it's a very green veggie.

Just her trying a little piece of cucumber
is like an entire production.

-Can I make it a bit smaller?
-[Antoni] Of course.

[Antoni] Her body actually recoils.

-Oh!
-[Antoni] Baby steps.

This is like a legit fear.

You got this.

-It's okay.
-It's not your favorite.

Mm-mm. Nah.

I cannot believe that I didn't vomit.

Okay. We're gonna leave these
'cause you're not a fan.

Bless you.

You know what?

Progress, not perfection.
At least she's eating fresh food.

[Antoni] I'm gonna take my pepitas.

-Pumpkin seeds.
-[Steph] Pumpkin seeds?

-[Antoni] Yeah.
-Okay.

[Antoni] Beautiful.
Almost at the finish line.

-I didn't mean to do a sports reference.
-That's okay. I can appreciate that.

[Antoni] Red onions are intense.

If you soak it in a little bit of water,
it's gonna get rid of that intensity.

-Even if it sits for a few minutes.
-[Steph] Really?

And then a nice, creamy dressing.

All right, let's try.

Oh man. Okay.

[tense music plays]

Ah.

[Antoni] It's okay.

It's just a salad.

That is a lot of green, my friend.

I'm not asking you
to eat this entire thing.

We're just taking a little bite each.

-Oh. Okay.
-[Antoni] Got it.

[Steph] You first. Okay.

[grunts]

-That actually has really good flavor.
-Excuse me?

[laughs]

See?

I'm not expecting her
to be steaming broccoli

five nights out of the week,

but there's so much growth that comes
through moving through uncomfortability.

Really good. [chuckles]

[Antoni] It is?

And maybe try something different
than boxed mac and cheese.

It's crazy. That, like, blew my mind.

Yes! Remember that next time
you're in the drive-through line

of a fast-food chain restaurant.

Think of me.

Saying, "Uh-uh-uh."

[funky music plays]

♪ Goodbye, so long ♪

♪ Farewell, auf wiedersehen… ♪

I don't think Steph has ever
thought about what goes into a home

and, honestly, what goes into
a shared home for them as a couple.

And not just a crash pad
full of sports memorabilia.

[dance music plays]

-Ready?
-Ready.

After you.

You're like,
"Why did you bring me to a bar?"

[laughs] Is it five o'clock… somewhere?

Somewhere, it is.

[Karamo] You shared
that something happened

where you gave your seat up in a bar,

and then it sort of, like, caused you
to feel very uncomfortable.

Yeah.

But I don't think that's it.

Yeah. I mean, there's reaffirmations
that happen to me daily

walking down the street, walking the dog.

You know, I…

Even when they put
the Fan of the Year thing on social media,

there was a lot
of negative things on the thread.

Every day.

-[Karamo] Every day.
-Mm-hmm.

Have you ever heard
of internalized h*m*?

-No.
-[Karamo] Okay.

So internalized h*m*
is when you have feelings, thoughts, ideas

that have been taught to you
from the outside world that are negative,

that you then start to take on as your own

and start to make those
a part of who you are.

I mean, I always looked at it
like I just tried to "please people"

or I just worked
to make others comfortable.

That is literally one of the first acts
of internalizing h*m*.

You say, "I don't wanna
make you feel uncomfortable,

so I'm gonna deny a piece of myself.
I'm not gonna hold someone's hand

because I don't want people
to look at us weird."

"I'm not going to be as comfortable
with having a child

because I don't want my child
to have to explain me."

"I don't wanna put up a photo
so that my father has to explain that."

You referred to yourself as a "that."

That's how I feel sometimes.

[Karamo] I get it.

That's all the h*m*
that you would receive on the outside

that now you're saying to yourself.

If you move into the new house,
you're gonna take that baggage with you.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

It… it's 'cause it's easy.
It's comfortable. It's…

"normal."

[poignant music plays]

Just every community I've been a part of

since being in North Louisiana

has been like,
"This is the space you get."

And there was literally
one or two gay bars,

and it was, "That's your spot.
That's your only spot."

I have programmed myself to say,
"You're only allowed this,"

or "You're only allowed this."

"You can't be this…

anywhere else."

I feel a little cornered in.

And…

I feel like… I feel like I've been,
like, feeding, like, the fear, my fear,

because of what might happen
or could happen or has happened.

That's real.

Yeah.

If you're in a space
where you can't fully be yourself

and where, to use your words,
"where I feel cornered,"

like you can't be,

then this internalized h*m*
is only gonna get worse and worse.

It's not fair to you
to put yourself in a corner

and for everyone else to be living free.

It's not okay.

It's so hard.

I know.

I know.

I understand the realities
of the world we live in,

but what's beautiful about our community
is that we are triumphant and resilient.

And even in the spaces
that seem the darkest, we bring light.

[Steph]
It's hard to find people that understand.

I know.

That's why I asked about your brother,
who's also part of the community,

who you don't communicate with.

Why?

He's very secure in who he is.

And I do feel,
'cause I've been to Chicago,

that he has "more space" to be himself.

And so he gets to do all this,

you know, pride
and things that empower you.

Come on. He's your brother.

He's gay. You think he doesn't know
all the BS you've been through?

-Maybe. I don't know.
-You don't know.

I don't put the weight on anybody.

But you need support in saying to someone,

"I'm in a box right now,
and I feel all this weight."

"I need you."

Sometimes it'd be helpful to have.

Have you ever said that to him?

The reason the LGBT community thrives

is because we understand
that support is important.

[relaxing music plays]

Hey, Steph.

-[sighs]
-[laughs]

[Mark] How are you?

[Karamo] I invited Stephanie's brother
because she needs support

to get that courage,
push down these walls,

and really face
what was going on within her.

All right.

So…

I want you to talk to him.
He's right here.

It has been very, very hard living here.

[emotional music plays]

The last few years
has been my biggest struggles.

There's been a lot that's happened.

And I've been very, very hard on myself
for so long, Mark.

Jeez, Stephanie.

I just felt like you always seemed
so good. You don't talk to me.

I mean, in my mind,
you're just my awesome sister.

You look at me,
and you see someone that's strong.

But what you've seen
is the person that I want people to see,

the… the fan and the bird

and the things that I…
that draws happiness to me

because in the inside,
I wasn't very happy.

Yeah. I know. I get it.

Breaks my heart
to know, like, that you're struggling.

I wish you just would talk to me about it.

Tell me that you're not doing good.
I would be here in a heartbeat for you.

You always seem so busy

and so happy

and everything you're doing
to live your life, so I don't bother you.

I wanna be there for you.

And I wanna just…
I don't want you to feel that way anymore.

♪ Who they're coming from… ♪

Are you ready
to start finding happiness as Stephanie,

and not in this other stuff?

It's gonna take some steps.

The first step is finding support.

You have it in Ray.

But also you have it right here.

♪ How can we keep… ♪

[Mark] As your brother, I'm there.

I feel like the little kid
at your basketball game cheering.

I legit feel that way.
I'm still, like, your number-one fan.

You know, and I just… I love you so much.

I really do.

♪ Let the sunlight burn us ♪

♪ Peel off the skin
That's kept the truth inside us ♪

♪ Let the stones crush
All our weary bones ♪

♪ When the walls come down ♪

One of the things I love
about our community is that we celebrate.

[both laugh]

I'm literally crying
and snotting everywhere,

so I don't think I need to be out.

No. You're going out, honey.
You're going out, honey.

Okay, I've dried my eyes.

Now let's go party

because Stephanie needs to realize
that there's people and a community

that want to support her here in NOLA.

Let's go have some fun.
Let's go shake it a little bit.

-Yay!
-[laughing]

Hello!

[Antoni] Hi, girl!

-It's been so long.
-I know.

-Are you the brother?
-I am. Yeah, I'm Mark.

Nice to meet you.

My husband, Mark.

-Hi, Mark.
-Hello. How are you?

-My husband, Dewey.
-Hi. How are you?

Everyone, this is Kev.

[Tan] So when did you come out?

It was about five years after Stephanie.

I would have had
a much harder time without her.

-She was the first person I told.
-That's lovely.

I knew.

[laughing]

Go, Tanny!

Oh!

[Antoni] When you're part
of the LGBTQIA+ community,

you hear this so much,
like, the concept of chosen family.

Stephanie needs people
who are q*eer, who are friends,

who can see and celebrate her
and know what she's up against.

To surround yourself by people
who make you feel loved and comfortable.

[Jonathan] We feel at home.
We are at ease.

We are finding our q*eer joy.

Aw!

To Southern lesbians.

-Yeah!
-[all] To Southern lesbians!

[upbeat music plays]

♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪

[Jonathan] Welcome to Bandit Hair Company.

-Ah!
-[Steph] This is cute.

Hannah, we're home.

-[laughs]
-Stephanie.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

-Can you stand how cute this salon is?
-Super cute.

[Jonathan] This is
a q*eer-owned establishment.

-We love that.
-Yes.

Can we make ourselves at home?

-Yeah.
-We're going in. Take a seat.

Um, okay, honestly… Ah…

[Steph laughs]

Just loosening this hair up
because do you know what I realized?

You're giving me helmet.

-It didn't move.
-It's always been brown?

Yes, always.
I've never put color in my hair.

-**** right on off.
-[laughs]

Serious.

-So, this is, like, fully virgin-ass hair.
-It's virgin hair, yes.

The way you said it
with a Southern accent.

-So can I tell you what my idea is?
-Okay.

-I wanna go shorter.
-Okay.

And blond.

Breathe. Let's breathe into it.

Open your mouth. Ah…

Blond though? Like…

Okay.

Here's the pros and the pros.

-'Cause you notice what there wasn't?
-No cons.

Right, honey.

I think this actually
could be an empowering exercise

to explore a different side of you,

and I feel this is the time
for you to make like Ariana Grande

and break free.

It's just hard. I just can't picture it.

The other pro.

A fierce lesbian is never more powerful
after she has a ****…

especially her first bleach and tone.
Like, it is…

-Oh!
-[laughs]

How do we take someone who is
a little down on their confidence?

Honey, we just do a little…

bleach and tone, honey.

-My virgin hair is in your hands.
-[screams]

Let's do it!

Bottom line, Stephanie has
a lot more courage than what she realizes.

I like to, like, throw a curveball.

Gonna go light,
gonna go bright, gonna say, "What?"

"My name is Stephanie,
and I came to slay."

Let's cut your hair
and bleach the **** out of it.

I'm at your mercy.

♪ G-L-A-M ♪

You see how hot the shape is
when we took the bulk off the sides?

I don't feel like a Q-tip anymore.

♪ G-L-A-M ♪

Why are q*eer people so hot and talented?

[laughs]

[Steph] I feel like
I have a rainbow comb-over.

-That's it.
-[Jonathan] Rainbow Brite.

[Steph] Ray is gonna lose her mind.

♪ G-L-A-M ♪

♪ We got a housewarming party ♪

♪ Lesbians tongue-kissing
In front of their families ♪

♪ At the housewarming party ♪

It's like a new Taylor Swift song.

♪ Lesbian love ♪

It's like Taylor Swift
and Melissa Etheridge.

[Jonathan] I love it.

That is, like, the combo
that we've always needed.

♪ No rules, just do… ♪

-[Steph] No going back now.
-Oh yeah.

Zero tolerance for going back right now.

♪ I don't act cool… ♪

They cannot say you did not go
into this experience with open mind.

You really took a leap.

♪ Get it ♪

This is arguably one
of my biggest makeovers

in q*eer Eye history, honey.

[Jonathan] This makeover is ******* major.

And I'm just so proud of Stephanie
for embracing this change.

Oh my God, this looks so amazing.

The crowd goes wild.

[mimics crowd chanting]
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

Yes!

-Are you ready?
-[Steph] No.

I'm so scared.

I mean, you really look…
It looks amazing. Let's see it. Ready?

-Three, two, one.
-[sighs]

New Stephanie.

Holy sh*t!

Jonathan.

Oh my God.

It's good, no?

Oh my God.

Let's go look at it
up in your face, up close.

Jesus.

Play with it. Feel it.
Put your fingers in it.

Doesn't it look cool? Isn't it giving
a little edge, a little cool?

-It's, like, cool Stephanie.
-It's way cooler than I've ever been.

Come over here.
I wanna get you in natural light.

And, like, honestly,
I'm gonna just center ourselves a tiny bit

because I would love for you
to feel a little bit proud of yourself.

Like, "I just embraced a huge change,

and even though change is tough,

I did that damn thing."

For the first time
probably ever in my entire life

have I, like, looked at my eyes.

Like, I've never looked at my eyes.

-I actually kind of like it.
-I know! I can see it growing on you!

[Steph] This is incredible.

The power of Ellen DeGeneres
compels you, darling.

♪ Better ♪

♪ Better for me ♪

♪ Getting better ♪

♪ Better for me ♪

♪ The time is right ♪

♪ I feel it getting closer every night ♪

♪ It's just the beginning
And I'm gonna live taking chances ♪

-♪ Then if you fall… ♪
-[horn honks]

-[Bobby] They're here!
-[Tan] Come on, Muppets.

-[Bobby] Ooh!
-Whoa! I love it!

This is awesome.

Blond bombshell!

-[Bobby] You…
-Tan's never been so speechless.

-You look so good!
-[Tan] I can't believe it.

She looks… I'm sorry to hit you.
You look gorge!

-[Bobby] Wait till you see inside.
-Yeah.

[Bobby] Here we go.

Oh! Whoa.

Oh my God!

Wow!

Sports memorabilia is actually really cool
when it's displayed properly

and not just stacked to the ceiling.

[Steph] It looks so nice and tasteful.

[Bobby] The thing is,
you can move these around.

We'll have that helmet out sometime,
then put it away, bring out another one.

And I love that image
of those two tight ends.

[laughs]

-Gosh.
-That was the tip of the iceberg.

-Yeah, just wait.
-Yeah.

-Oh my God!
-[Jonathan] Shut up.

-[Steph] Oh my God!
-[Karamo] It's so gorge.

-[Jonathan] Bobby, that is chic, honey.
-[Karamo] So chic.

-[Steph] Aw, look at the pictures!
-[Bobby] Right?

[tearfully] This is so nice!

It feels like home. You know?

You guys are the epitome
of what a successful relationship is.

You should be proud of that
and show it off.

-[Steph] Thank you so much.
-My pleasure.

-[Jonathan] Look at the outside!
-[Bobby] Let's do go outside. You ready?

-Ready.
-Yeah?

[Steph] Oh my God, Bobby!

[Bobby] It's an extension.
You doubled your floor space.

[Jonathan] The garden!

-[Antoni] S'mores!
-[Jonathan] Seating area!

[Steph] This is insane.

[Bobby] The cool thing
about this outer furniture

is that the cover is built in.

-[Steph] That is unbelievable.
-[Tan] So lovely.

-There's Velcro.
-[Tan] So smart.

And boom.

-[Steph] That is so nice!
-Yes.

There's so much more inside. Wanna see?

I can't fathom any more.

[Bobby] You can take it.

[Steph gasps]

Oh my God!

-This is surreal.
-[Antoni] What?!

-[Jonathan] This ceiling.
-[Steph] Oh my God!

[Bobby] I painted the ceiling dark
because you had tall ceilings,

but you didn't really notice.

-[Steph] Unbelievable.
-[Tan] Those side tables are gorgeous.

[Jonathan]
This is the best bedroom he's ever done.

[emotional music plays]

This has been
the biggest blessing of my entire life.

I knew this was gonna be
a really difficult, challenging process

that I couldn't have imagined,
as hard as it was.

You guys are just… you're amazing.

You're just such amazing people.

-Thank you so much.
-You're welcome, honey.

-[Jonathan] This is your affirmation deck.
-Oh my gosh.

-You're just gonna pick one a day.
-Okay.

And we're just gonna work on
speaking sweetly to ourselves.

[Steph] This is awesome.

Why don't you just try one?

"I am worthy of the very best in life,

and I now lovingly allow myself
to accept it."

That was so good.

All right, kids.

-You ready for this?
-[Bobby] Stephanie, Stephanie!

-Step out for us, my love.
-Stephanie's number one.

She is so-- Oh my God!

-[Jonathan] She's so sexy.
-[Antoni] I love it.

-Love it.
-[Karamo] How do you feel?

[Steph] It is not something
I would've picked for myself.

I wouldn't have
pictured myself a blonde either.

So I'm just taken back
at how good it makes me feel.

But also, you look damn good.

Damn good. It works. [chuckles]

[Steph] Nobody's gonna be expecting
what they see. Not just with this house

and how it reflects
Rachael and I's relationship,

but me and the commitment that I did

and that I'm proud of myself for.

Each and every one of you guys
has pushed me

to boundaries that I did not wanna touch.

You awakened a new part of me,
and I thank you so much for that.

I cannot believe
that you got me to eat cucumber!

My relationship with my brother,
I know, is going to be a safe haven for me

for the rest of my life.

And so thank you for the tough love.

-[Karamo] I love you.
-[laughing]

I love you, guys.

Aw.

[Jonathan] Love you.
We had so much fun. Bye!

[Karamo] Bye. We love you!

-[Steph] Thank you!
-[Karamo] Bye!

[upbeat music plays]

[Karamo] ♪ It smells so good ♪

-I like that song.
-♪ It smells so good ♪ Hey.

♪ It smells so good ♪

-Oh no. Yes.
-[laughs]

[Jonathan] Let's go watch. Oh.

-Okay.
-Shall we do this?

Yes.

[Tan] She looks so good.

[Jonathan] I was scared
doing such a big change.

-She was so hesitant.
-Yeah.

And I can see in her eyes

that she likes what she's seeing.

All right.

[screams]

[laughing]

-Yes.
-That's the reaction.

[Tan] Aw.

[Ray] You look so good!

That's the same reaction we all had!

-Yeah.
-That's so lovely.

[laughing] I love the blond!

You look beautiful.

You look beautiful.

You look so pretty.

[Ray] This is our house!

Come see the rest of our house.

[laughs] Oh my God. It's so beautiful!

There's so much q*eer joy
on this screen right now.

So cute.

We have pictures of ourselves.

We have pictures! [laughs]

[Steph] In the house.

There are not words. [laughs]

Oh my God!

-This is our bedroom.
-This is our bedroom.

Y'all can have sex with the door open!

Yes!

Nobody in the house anymore, honey.

-On the chair, bed, floor.
-[Jonathan] Yes.

They'll make like Sia
and swing from those chandeliers.

[Antoni] She's speechless.

Y'all, they outdid themselves.

You think you can deal with this closet?

Yes! Absolutely. No doubt.

The way Stephanie looks at Rachael
is beautiful.

She's obsessed with her.

-I can't believe this is our house.
-I know. This is our house.

-[laughs]
-It's crazy.

I know.

-I know.
-[Ray] We worked hard for it.

[Steph] We worked damn hard, yeah.

-We put up with a lot of stuff.
-We did.

-You put up with a lot of stuff.
-[laughs]

-It was worth it.
-[Steph] It was.

-It's always worth it.
-You gotta deal with this.

[laughs]

I love the blond.

Your brother's gonna die though.

-I think everybody's gonna die.
-[laughs]

[all gasp]

-Oh my God!
-Oh my God!

[woman] She's blond!

[Mark] Oh Lord!

You look gorgeous.

Oh my God!

There's nothing better
than a big, gay gasp.

-Did you see that?
-That was a big, gay gasp.

-It's the gaspiest of gasps.
-The gaspiest.

[laughing]

My God. Come here, baby. I love you.

Oh, you're beautiful.

Aw. Grandma. You know--

-I gave her her grandma's hair color!
-[laughing]

Oh no!

-Oh my God.
-[Mark, Sr.] I'm moving in.

Dad, I love you,
but you cannot move in yet.

[laughing]

Dad, sit your butt right where you were.

Oh gosh.

[gasps] Oh.

This is so nice.

Her brother is still gagging.

[Jonathan] He's a professor
of the gay gasp at Chicago University,

I heard.

So this week has literally been,
like, super life changing for me.

I didn't really know what to expect
going into this process,

but I told Rachael that I was gonna do it,
like, with all my heart.

I was going to open up,

and I was going
to get out of my comfort zones.

And I've learned so much in this week

that I know will be a part of me,
like, literally, for the rest of my life.

And, with starting a new chapter,

I wanted to make sure
that we started off on the right foot.

[screaming]

-Oh wow.
-[all gasp]

Oh my God!

[screams]

-So will you marry me?
-Yes!

Of course I will!

Oh my God. I love you so much!

Dang!

-I gay gasped!
-I didn't see it coming!

Gay gasp! Gay gasp!

[cheering]

-My God!
-I know you've been waiting for a while.

No one has ever made me cry
like this on this ******* TV show before!

I love you more than anything,
anything in this world.

It's really sweet.

What a massive move for somebody
who was so uncomfortable in her own skin

to just proclaim her love for her partner
in front of her whole family and propose.

Like, that's huge.

I can't believe we're engaged!

[cheering]

[laughing]

[Antoni] Nothing's more exciting

than when somebody
exercises their inner courage.

We don't gain confidence
by just, like, willing confidence.

We gain confidence by setting goals
and then showing up for ourself,

because you take that leap of faith
and then you realized

that you were strong enough
to do it in the first place.

I truly, truly believe
that this is life changing for Stephanie,

that there is no going back for her.

We are finally seeing Stephanie step
into the woman she's always wanted to be.

Someone who is proud, loving.

I hope after this week,

Steph realizes that the only way
she's ever going to be happy

is to live
her most authentic life she can.

Oh my God!

-[Steph] I love you.
-I love you.

-Aw.
-Brava! That was so good.

That was really good. [sobs]

Cheers to Stephanie and Ray
having a long, happy life together.

-To lesbian marriages!
-[Antoni] To New Orleans!

-[Bobby] To their engagement!
-[Jonathan hums "Here Comes the Bride"]

[Jonathan] This is my petition
to be in the wedding. Please!

[upbeat music plays]

Bras.

There are three things that are universal.

-Hey, my eyes are up here.
-[laughs]

One. If you can count
one, two, three, four boobs,

that's two too many.

Consider going up a cup size.

Two.

If you can fit more than two fingers
in that strap,

hoist these bad boys up.

Use the adjuster.

Three. If you can fit
more than two fingers in the back,

size down.

Simple. Thank you, Jackie.

[bubbling]

Bye, Jackie.

["Oh When the Saints" plays]