04x10 - DILFs: Dads I'd Like to Frock

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "RuPaul's Drag Race". Aired: February 2, 2009 – present.*
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RuPaul plays the role of host, mentor, and head judge for this series, as contestants are given different challenges each week.
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04x10 - DILFs: Dads I'd Like to Frock

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- Previously on

RuPaul's Drag Race...

It's time to make

some her-story.

- How you doing?

- Yee-haw.

- Change for the Ritz.

- Everyone needs

peace with Latrice.

- I am of the people

and for the people.

I'm Sharon Needles

for sharing responsibilities.

- Condragulations.

You are the winner

of this challenge.

Latrice Royale,

shantay, you stay.

Dida Ritz, sashay away.

- Thank you.

- Once again,

I've been criticized

for sending some of my queens

home too soon.

Michelle, I want you

to confer with Santino

to decide which one

of the eliminated queens...

deserves to return.

- No, bitch, top four.

No mo' hos.

- And tonight...

the dolls meet their mamas.

- Whoa.

- Man.

- And it ain't pretty.

- You okay?

- With extra-special

guest judges

Jesse Tyler Ferguson

and Jennifer love Hewitt.

[cheers and applause]

The winner of

RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime

supply of NYX cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip

courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race Tour

featuring Absolut Vodka,

cocktails perfected,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

And may the best woman win.

- God.

- What?

- Oh.

- Don't what me.

Cluck-cluck, top four.

- What does it say?

- "Stay true.

Chad, Needles, Latrice."

- Dida's gone, but she left

a little piece of herself

for us to remember her.

- all: Cheesecake!

- I'm gonna miss Dida.

She was fierce!

- She was fierce.

- [indistinct]

- Love her.

- I had so much fun

getting to know her.

- We...yeah,

me and Dida connected.

It's a bittersweet situation.

Yeah, one more bitch

is out the door,

but Dida was my girl.

- Were you nervous?

- You know, I thought

I was gonna be really nervous,

but after, like,

the first b*at kicked in,

bitch, I was craving

for some show action.

- You were good.

You put Dida straight to bed.

You took us to church, she

took us to a Beyoncé concert.

- Which is fine, but not

for Gladys Knight.

- Sometimes girls

give too much energy

for a song that just needs

some delicate, soulful moves.

- That's it.

- You gave it.

- So congratulations, Needles.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, your third win.

- Oh, stop!

- Okay, so let's say this right

now so it's really official.

We are...

- all: The top four.

- So some sh*t's gonna go down.

- No.

- There will be a departed queen

returning to the competition

this morning.

Who do you think it's gonna be?

- Bringing anyone back

isn't fair in my opinion.

- We should make up some

shirts or some sh*t.

- Shirts, or, like, signs.

- Signs.

- Yes.

- Top four. Add no more.

- Let's do this, honey.

Let's get it all going.

This sucks,

and we're protesting.

Top four. Add no more.

[siren wails]

- Oh, let's go.

- Ooh, girl.

You got she-mail.

Ladies, this competition

is still pregnant

with possibilities.

And soon a star will be born.

But will it be a labor of love

or a bastard of disaster?

Time to push, ladies.

Push!

'Cause I'm about to crown...

[moans]

America's next drag superstar.

I hope it's a queen.

[giggles]

Hello, hello, hello.

- all: [chanting]

Top four. Add no more.

Top four. Add no more.

Top four. Add no more.

- Whoo!

- Nice try, Norma Rae.

But this week we are celebrating

the modern drag family,

starting with the return

of one of your soul sisters.

Ladies, please welcome back...

Oh, the suspense is k*lling me.

[cheers]

- Kenya Michaels is back.

- She's a force

to be reckoned with.

She can dance, and she's pretty.

And that's exactly

what we don't need right now.

- Welcome home, mama.

- Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm back in the building.

I'm ready to compete.

So let's prepare, ladies.

- Oh, pit crew.

For today's mini challenge,

you need to get crafty

and turn these papa bears

into mama bears.

You'll have 20 minutes

to drag out your teddy bear.

The one queen with the most

unbearably beautiful critter

will win.

Ready, set, growl.

Whoo-hoo.

- Better make

your spook bear, bitch.

Spoo...kity.

- Sorry, Kenya, we've lost

our f*cking minds.

- Look what you left me with.

Now I'm not the youngest or

the shortest or the fishiest.

- And you never will be,

Blanche.

And you never were.

[laughs]

- Okay, ladies, time's up.

Let's take a look

at your lady bears.

- RuPaul, meet Malibu Bearbie.

- She's very Jiggly Caliente.

- Yes.

[laughter]

- May I call you Jiggly?

Next up, Sharon Needles.

The bride of Chucky wore black.

- She's part

of the Scare Bear collection.

I let her borrow my contacts.

- So who do we have here?

- We have La Transbear.

- Are those pasties

she has there?

- Yeah, her pasties are sexy.

- She is a fishy bear,

and bears love fish.

- This is Portia the Pooh.

- I see that her face

is bejeweled.

- Like mother, like daughter.

- This is Princess Bitch Bear.

She comes complete

with a set of accessories.

- Booger Bear.

- Those are all

jealous bears over there.

- Ladies, one bear

is creating a panda-monium.

The winner of today's

mini challenge is...

Lil' Kenya Michaels.

- Yay.

- Yes, I win.

La Transbear.

- But, ladies, you can all

be proud of your work,

because all

of your dragged-out bears

will be auctioned off

by the Bear to Make

a Difference Project...

- all: Aww.

- Which supports

the Matthew Shepard Foundation's

effort to erase hate.

Can I get a amen in here?

- all: Amen.

- ["elderly" voice] Ladies,

when I was growing up,

a man went to work...

[normal] And left his wife

at home to raise the children.

But in today's modern families,

we expect a lot more

from our father figures.

Now, to prove my point,

I want you to meet some DILFs.

Or dads I'd like to frock.

[laughter]

- Whoa.

Truck-driving, burly men, like,

for real, for real.

[chuckles]

- Ladies, for today's

main challenge,

you need to transform

these handsome daddies

into sexy drag queen mamas.

All right, dads,

please introduce yourselves.

- I'm Leland,

the father of six.

- Six?

- Yes.

- Damn, Leland.

- Hi, I'm Rick, and I have

a beautiful daughter.

She's six years old.

And a beautiful son.

He's four years old.

- My name's James.

I have a beautiful

two-year-old daughter.

- My name's Chris.

I'm a proud father

of two beautiful girls.

- My name is Mike.

I have six children

and five grandchildren.

- Wow, so you're a grandfather

I'd like to frock.

- I am.

- All right, Lil' Kenya.

Since you won the mini

challenge,

you get to pick a daddy

for each of the other girls.

- You go with Chad Michaels.

- I'm looking at Kenya,

and I'm kind of doing,

like, the eye thing,

so that way she knows,

like, to send the guy

this way or this way.

- You're gonna go...

- When she comes

to pick out my guy,

I just give her,

like, a little nod,

so that way she just comes

and gives me my guy.

- With Phi Phi.

Um...

You're gonna be spooky.

- Okay.

- Hi.

Sharon Needles.

- The guy that I have been given

has the brickest face

in the bunch.

He's too manly to be pretty.

- How are you?

- Good.

- Leland is with Latrice.

So, Lil' Kenya,

who's your daddy?

- This is my daddy.

- [giggles]

- My guy is the most

beautiful woman.

Because he's gonna look

like Jessica Wild something.

- Now you can use your own drag,

plus extra materials and hair,

courtesy of Risque Wigs.

Now I'm expecting to see

a strong family resemblance.

And tomorrow, on the main stage,

to keep things in a family way,

you and your daddy mama

will be carrying

a bun in the oven.

- [laughs]

- That's right.

The category is...

baby bump realness.

- It's one thing

to put these dads in drag.

But now it got to be

maternity clothes?

You gonna be pregnant?

Ugh.

- Okay, little mamas,

your charisma, uniqueness,

nerve, and talent

got you into this situation.

Now you need to use it

to turn it out.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best mother win.

- All right, come on.

- How do you call...

what do you call 'em?

- These are sequins.

- Sequins.

- I didn't even know

they made stuff like this.

- Is that your cell phone in

your pants

or are you just happy to see me?

- Nope.

- Okay.

Didn't told me I was

in the movie Anaconda.

What's going on here?

- Oh, my God.

This one's a freak.

Mike-o the Psycho is so weird.

- Ooh, baby.

- [chuckles]

- He makes me want to run

and take a shower immediately.

- You single?

- Not today.

- Sharon's DILF

looks freakin' insane.

He's like the

Silence of the Lambs k*ller.

- So we got to get you pregnant.

- Why do we have to be pregnant?

Today we have to turn DILFs

into MILFs...

pregnant, glamorous MILFs.

- Man.

Ugh.

- You have to get rid

of your manhood.

- But that will hurt.

- No, it doesn't hurt.

- If you push 'em

up inside you...

- Nah, it's...

that's where they go.

- Ooh!

- It's either that or you can

sit on 'em, and that's not...

- Sit on...oh, sh*t, no!

- Exactly, so...

- You can't...you tape it to your

leg or something like that?

[laughing]

- You gonna be serving

moose knuckles.

- So they want to see,

like, the transformation,

like, the difference.

And you'd look like a dude.

- Pretty manly man.

- I get paired up with Chris,

and I'm super excited,

because he's really

getting into this.

- I'm down to go all the way.

- Awesome.

- I want to win this sh*t.

- It's kind of fun

teaching a straight guy

how to be me.

- How you doing?

- Pretty good, you?

- Good.

- Don't talk to my dad.

- I can talk to your dad

if I want.

- All right?

Maybe your dad likes me better.

- He wants to be on the winning

team, so I doubt it.

- Yeah.

'Cause we're gonna win.

- You like that?

He even talks like Phi Phi.

- I was like,

"You're just like me."

That's what I like, 'cause

that way I can school these hos.

- Phi Phi loves to come for me,

and she can come for me

all she wants.

Come for me, baby.

However,

I have to stay focused.

What I'm producing

has to be perfect.

- No, that's way too bright.

I don't like the fact

that it's so long.

- 'Cause I'm thinking,

like, right about here.

Show some hip.

- He could chill out

just a little bit,

'cause I do know

what I'm doing,

and I don't need

too much direction.

- I want, like, a four-inch...

Bam!

- Walk.

Come on, walk.

Okay.

Okay, don't bounce.

Don't do that.

No, don't do that.

Okay, come on.

Walk, walk.

How you feel?

- Like, it...

it just...

Is that how they usually feel?

Like, hurting here?

- Yeah.

All the time.

- All the time?

- Yeah, all the time.

- My toes are

like this right now.

[laughs]

Yeah, I know,

because you have a men feet.

[laughing]

- Ah, f*ck,

these shoes f*cking hurt.

- Walk in the f*cking heels

and then shut up!

- I might as well

level with you.

- Yeah.

- All these girls here

are like classic beauty queens.

I like to look kind of, like,

half dead most of the time.

- Who am I to judge anybody?

- Do you have both your shoes?

- The way I look at it,

go big or stay home.

- Right.

- Right?

- Agreed.

- Sharon Needles' DILF

is really, really

rough in the face.

- Well, what do you

do for a living?

What makes you so strong?

- I was a sheriff's deputy.

- Oh! I see.

Law enforcement?

- So don't step out of line

or I'm gonna throw

the handcuffs on you.

- Oh, got it, got it.

Challenges either

go two ways with me:

I either feel

ridiculously confident...

- No, no.

Don't be so out.

- Yeah, you don't want

to walk like that.

- Or I know I'm up the sh*t

crick without a paddle.

Feel your ass

going back and forth.

- Wow.

Sharon, mama,

you may be in trouble.

- Foot in front of foot,

crossing over.

- Sharon, he walks

just like you already, girl.

[laughing]

- Hello, hello, hello!

- Hey, Ru.

- Oh, Ru!

- Well, hello, Phi Phi.

- Hi, Ru.

- And Chris.

Apparently you're

making your outfits?

- We want to be,

like, sexy moms.

We're gonna have, like, fun,

flirty little pregnant dresses.

- You've been criticized

for proportions.

- I'll be fine.

It'll work.

I get worried when you do that,

"Oh, it's gonna be fine."

- I know you do.

- "It'll work. It'll work.

It'll be fine."

Remember, there have been times

when you've done that

and it didn't work.

Now, do you think

you have enough time

to finish sewing these outfits?

- Yeah.

It's not gonna take long.

There's that thing again.

"It'll be fine."

- Stop it!

No, we're gonna be good.

- Get to sewing.

- All righty.

Thank you, Ru.

- All right.

- Hi, Leland.

Hi, Latrice.

- Hello, Ru.

- Will you be wearing

matching gowns?

- Um, well...

- We're looking

for a family resemblance.

- Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- But it's gonna

work out, I think.

- So, Leland,

what are you most nervous about?

- Walking in them shoes.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah.

- You play sports at all?

- I used to.

- Yeah, well, because, honestly,

it has to do with

your center of gravity

and knowing your body

and your hand-eye coordination.

- Still ain't got no

coordination for basketball

with dribbling and...no, no.

- Right. Hmm.

All right, Royale sisters,

you have a lot of work to do.

I'm gonna leave you to it.

- Thank you, Ru.

- All right.

- Hey, Rick.

- Hi.

- Hey, Lil' Kenya.

You look like Elvis.

Do people tell you that?

- My mom told me I look

like a young Elvis, yeah.

- Now you're gonna look

like Lisa Marie Presley.

Have you picked

a drag name for Rick?

- She gonna be my Lil' Mama.

- Lil' Mama.

- Because I'm Lil' Kenya.

[laughs]

- How do you feel

about that, Lil' Mama?

- Uh...I don't feel

like a little mama.

- Well, listen,

you got a lot of work to do.

Let them have it.

- Bye.

- Hey, Chad.

- Hey, RuPaul.

- Wow, look at this.

- Isn't that fun?

- Yeah, it was both our idea.

We're both very technical people

when we start out...

"Is it off? It is doing this?

Doing that?"

- He's taking a very

active role in this,

and he's very assertive.

- Now you've been doing this

for a long time.

Can you look at James' face

and tell what he's

gonna look like

just based on bone structure?

- Yeah, he's gonna be pretty.

- Really?

- We'll see.

- I'm gonna let you get

back to it, okay?

- Thank you.

- Mike and Sharon Needles.

- Hello.

- How are you two kids

getting along?

Mike, you're getting into it

early, aren't you?

- Oh.

I'm embarrassed by Mike

because he seems

to have no filter.

- Why'd you decide to do this?

- 'Cause I want to bring out

my inner diva.

The only problem I have

with this outfit

is I think I'm having a baby

elephant.

You want to see his trunk?

- You kids have your work

cut out for you.

I'm gonna let you

get back to it.

Good luck taming Mike.

- Thank you so much, Ru.

- Gather round.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tomorrow night we'll be joined

by our extra-special

guest judges,

one of TV's favorite dads...

Modern Family's

Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

- Yeah!

- He's cute as a button.

- And the always lovely

Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt.

[gasps and exclamations]

But before you have a baby...

there needs to be

a little seduction.

So tomorrow, prior to your baby

bump runway presentation,

each couple needs

to get us in the mood

with a sexy striptease.

- What?

- Insane.

- And, in the words

of my sainted mother...

God damn it, you p*ssy-mouthed

m*therf*ckers...

Don't f*ck it up.

- Welcome to the runway.

- Awesome.

- It's time for me and James

to do our striptease,

and I'm a little apprehensive.

- We just have to figure out

how to make it sexy,

'cause it's supposed to be

like a striptease.

That's not turning me on yet,

dude.

- I figured, with James,

since he doesn't have

a lot of experience,

you keep it simple.

Walk out, looking at each other.

Then let's hit.

So your arm's gonna go up on...

your right arm.

And you know how I like

to be perfect, darling.

Boom, and then throw it.

You've never stripped before,

I'm sure.

- No.

- You've been

to a strip joint, though.

- Yeah.

- Lap dance?

- Oh, yeah.

- Tipping?

- Yeah.

- Poles?

- Yeah.

- All of it. All right.

Hold right, and then boom.

Perfect.

Real sexy, hands on hips.

Right to the X right here.

Pose. Perfect.

Just work your sexiness.

Like this. Look.

Ah.

- Okay.

- Perfect.

Just up. Perfect.

Give me five, brother.

- Got it.

- That's my man.

- You're gonna win.

- I hope so.

- So cross out.

- Wait, wait,

I didn't even cross.

I think I feel like

I'm walking off the stage.

- One, two, three, four.

Five, six...

- Oh, f*ck.

That's all right, I got to

get used to the spin.

- It's kind of difficult

to transform, like,

a big, old, macho straight guy

into, like,

a real feminine woman.

Five, six, grab it.

Seven, eight.

- Five, six.

Oh, no, wait.

- No, that's clearly a dude.

- I feel like I'm

doing the Hulkamania.

Rrr!

[chuckles]

- Do you know what fishy means?

Like a girl.

Like, "ay!"

- Yeah!

- Kiss. Boom.

- Boom.

- No, you said boom after me.

That means you're

not timing with me.

- Uh...

back?

I know I should have saved my

brain cells when I was a kid.

- That's no excuse.

Turning. Now what?

- I'm f*cking brain-dead, dude.

- I want to k*ll him,

because I have created

the most simplest,

cheapest routine

that Helen Keller could do

on the first try.

Can you skip?

- Nope.

- I'm panicking.

- I suck. It is what it is.

- Don't say, "it is what it is,"

'cause it's my 100,000

f*cking dollars.

I need to make sure

that he's giving 100%.

But I don't think

I'm going to get it.

- You okay?

- It's coming alive now.

There she go.

You know who you look like

right now?

Rick James.

[laughter]

- You're trying to make me look

like Teena Marie, though.

[laughter]

- Hold on.

I dropped my bush.

- Sharon's DILF

is a cross-dressing,

support-group-needing dad.

- Mm.

[inhales]

- No, no, no, no.

We don't fetishize the clothes.

- He's a little bit

too comfortable,

if you know what I mean.

- What if one of your daughters

grew up to be gay?

What would you tell them?

- I wouldn't care.

- You wouldn't care at all?

- No.

Even if I had a son.

- That's good.

- It is what it is.

- But that's good

that you wouldn't

shun your kids or anything.

My dad, he didn't

like it at all.

- That sucks.

- I haven't talked to him

since I was, like, 18.

- One day he'll realize

what he's not being part of.

- It's really cool to talk

to someone that, you know,

they're straight but they see

how my lifestyle is

and it's okay to be who I am.

If you had a son,

would you have him audition

for RuPaul's Drag Race?

- No, 'cause he'll probably do

a better job than I do.

- Do you have a boyfriend?

- I do. Yeah.

- How long?

- Eight years, and I was here

during our anniversary.

- On our eighth-year

anniversary,

we renewed our vows.

- Well, we might renew our vows

if we can ever get married.

- Why call it a marriage

if you're gonna

offend so many people?

- It's making everybody equal.

Say I've been together

with somebody for 40 years.

Say I get sick.

I go into the hospital.

They can't come visit me,

because they're not

related to me in any way.

So that's what

we're fighting for.

- That's what you're

standing up and saying.

- That would k*ll me to know,

if I was sick,

laying in a bed somewhere,

that Adam couldn't come see me.

No, it's cool.

I just, you know.

It just comes up, you know.

It's like...just to know that,

God, he would be locked out

and that he would be

left with nothing.

- I don't believe

that's fair at all.

I support you guys.

Everybody should have the right

to love who they want

to love, you know?

- You expect me to walk up

on this thing in these?

- Yeah.

Put on them shoes, boo-boo.

- [groans]

I can't even

walk on it barefoot.

Ooh. [laughs]

[exhales]

Okay.

- Tell me you got some rhythm.

- I got some rhythm, but I don't

know if I got any sexiness.

Oh!

- I need sexy swagger.

I need hips and ass,

and he don't have

none of that going.

- Whoa.

- You're okay with your shoes?

- Yeah.

Do I need 'em right now?

- You have to practice.

Come on.

One and two, the chair.

The legs.

Ha, ha, ha.

I do the split.

He need to be sexy.

Come on.

One more time.

Five, six, seven.

[speaks indistinctly]

Rick is a hot guy,

but he's not a dancer.

- That's it?

- Oh, my god.

- Pfft!

- One, two, three, four.

It's the end of the day,

and I'm panicking,

because we have

a short window of time

to get something so simple done.

Since you're strong,

what if I turned around

and you caught me?

- Yeah, let's make it

more difficult.

- Yeah.

- Ladies, can you vacate

our runway, please?

- "Vacate our runway."

- Get the f*ck off our runway.

- We're better off than them.

- Don't make up excuses why

you guys are inferior to us.

- Well, their dance techniques

are bitchin'.

- Not really.

- A little bit

too much testosterone

running around here, sunshine.

- Why are you getting

such a bad attitude right now?

- Because I got

my diva bitch attitude,

and we're gonna win it,

and you guys

need to just stay home.

- Oh, I get it,

it's your diva bitch attitude.

- Yeah, just stay home.

- Bitch, I didn't come here

to stay home, "ossifer".

What?

What are you gonna do to me?

b*at my skinny ass up?

Go for it.

I don't give a sh*t.

I'll f*cking put you

in jail too.

- Know what's funny, is nobody

laughs at your sh*t but you.

Can't take it, huh?

- Mike's in our space.

It's not the locker room.

I don't need all that,

like, macho bullsh...crap.

It's completely out of line

and I'm not having it.

- I hope it isn't your last day

here tomorrow.

- But you know what,

you're not gonna f*cking come up

in my m*therf*cking workroom

and talk to me like this, sir.

- I just did, didn't I?

- Well, you know what, maybe you

need to be f*cking removed

with your badass

m*therf*cking attitude.

f*ck that sh*t.

Sharon.

- You're gonna let this

bitch talk to me like this?

- Oh, I'm a bitch now?

- Do not call my sister a bitch.

I'm working with a DILK...

a dad I'd like to k*ll.

- Cluck-cluck, ladies.

- Good morning, everybody.

- Y'all are gonna be women.

- We're back

in the workroom today,

and I have to get myself

in drag, my dad in drag,

and we have to get

ready for the runway.

- I stirred

the sh*t up yesterday.

I wanted to give 'em

something to think about.

A little drag queen drama.

- Inescapable.

- So let me ask you a question.

Were you ever bullied in school?

- Oh, my God,

are you kidding me?

It was terrible.

You know, they'd wait for me

after school

and, like, b*at me up.

- I mean, is this anything

you could report to the police?

- I never wanted to report it,

'cause I was embarrassed.

- Man, I'm sorry.

That's got to be

so frickin' hard, man.

You know, I'm learning

a lot about the world.

- As much as I rag on Mike,

he certainly was sympathetic

to the fact that I went through

a lot of hell growing up.

Still doesn't know

how to f*cking dance.

- Dude, it's already squashed.

- Yeah, yeah.

I need to put tape.

Let me finish.

- No, I'm not taping my d*ck.

- Just tuck it back.

It don't feel that bad.

It's okay.

- I remember a friend

in high school tucking

after he saw

Silence of the Lambs.

Ugh!

- Let me see.

Rick can't tuck himself.

I have to...

- What about the balls?

- You can take your d*ck

from the back and pull up.

- Like that?

- No. More.

- It's gonna look like a tail.

- [laughs]

- Put it on the side

of the balls?

- It's from back.

- I think the balls are too big.

- [laughs]

I'm sorry.

- I'm really glad I didn't have

to kick your ass yesterday.

- It was all in a good time,

you know.

I just...I may have pushed the

envelope a little too far,

but I was totally joking.

- It's all right.

I needed to blow

some steam off anyway.

- Well, it's good.

You can use me for that.

I have a really good poker face.

I was cracking up inside.

- I'm sure you were.

- Ain't no fun

if there ain't no drama.

That's the way I look at it.

- [giggles maniacally]

♪ Cover girl ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe ♪

♪ Let your whole body talk ♪

♪ And what? ♪

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Ru.

- Hey, gorgeous.

- Welcome to the main stage

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage. Hi, mami.

- How are you, baby?

We match tonight.

- And we're all eating

at red lobster.

- Mm-mm.

- Santino Rice.

- Great to be here, Ru.

- And look who

the stork brought.

It's Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

- Hi, Ru.

- Are you ready

to meet my modern family?

- Bring 'em on. All of 'em.

- [laughs]

Jennifer Love Hewitt,

welcome to our blessed event.

- Thank you for having me. Hi.

- Will you be

our drag whisperer?

- Yes.

[laughter]

- This week,

the queens were challenged

to transform real-life daddies

into sexy drag mamas.

They'll perform

a seductive striptease

before they rock-a-bye

the runway

wearing their best

baby bump eleganza.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, yeah!

- We're doing the choreography.

Rick know the choreography,

but Rick's not sexy.

- It's like dancing with

Leslie Nielsen in Airplane!

That's what I thought

he looked like.

- [laughs]

- Leland's missing

a couple of cues,

but I'm not worried about it.

We're working it out

the best way we can.

- Oh, yeah.

- It's top five,

so the judges

are gonna look for anything

to put us in the bottom,

so I hope that our routine

was good enough to get us by.

[cheers and applause]

- Let the baby

bump parade begin.

- Sharelle and Latrice Royale.

- The water has broken, honey.

- Oh, Lord.

- You better get

Lamaze over here.

- Nine months later.

- If you're part

of the Royale family,

you're definitely

gonna be a glamour girl.

So Leland's looking

very elegant, very lady.

He's looking gorgeous.

- She didn't know

she was pregnant.

Gi Gi and Phi Phi O'Hara.

Ladies, the auditions

for 16 and Pregnant

are down the hall.

[laughter]

- Chris and I are basically

just trying to serve

sexy, pregnant MILF realness.

I kind of feel like he was

a drag queen in a past life,

because he's

doing this too good.

- It's a boy.

It's a girl.

It's both.

[laughter]

- Best friends and pregnant.

[laughter]

- Lil' Mama

and Lil' Kenya Michaels.

- Being pregnant's hard.

- Macabre too apparently.

- Yeah.

- We're in this together, mom.

- I know that Rick

gonna be a man,

and I think, okay,

if Rick gonna be a man,

gonna be a beautiful man.

- Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian.

- It is.

- Next up, Robin Mansions

and Sharon Needles.

Honey, they're having

Rosemary's Baby.

- My other eye

is my good judgment eye.

- Me and Robin are serving up

filthy-ass bad girls.

Who slept with Robin?

Who got her pregnant?

- Is this morning sickness

or is she gagging on her beauty?

- Apparently, Marilyn Manson

does have a uterus.

- Lady Samantha

and Chad Michaels.

Now, that is an immaculate

misconception.

- Paris Hilton,

meet your future.

- We are serving Carnaval

pregnancy realness.

We're so happy to be pregnant,

and we're glowing

with anticipation.

- There's a couple

of baby boomers.

- It's a very long child.

- It is a tall one.

My cervix is softening

just watching.

- Is it?

Mwah.

Welcome, ladies.

First up, Chad Michaels

and Lady Samantha.

- How are you?

- Hi, judges.

- Let's take a look at Lady

Samantha's before pictures.

That's James.

And, baby, look at you now.

Did you tuck?

- A little bit, yes.

- Oh.

- How do you tuck

just a little bit?

- Yeah, just push things around.

- Like, just between

your cheek and gums?

- Yes, sir.

[laughter]

- Yes, ma'am. It's yes, ma'am.

- Yes, ma'am.

- I have to say, James,

Lady Samantha if you're nasty,

I think you're wearing

the highest heels

on the catwalk here,

which I think

should not go unrecognized.

Very impressive.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- James, I love that you

were almost, like,

put out with how hot you were.

[laughs]

I thought that was really great.

I'd like to adopt that quality.

- So, James,

would you schtup you?

- Oh, yeah.

[laughter]

- Next up, Sharon Needles

and Robin Mansions.

That's Mike.

And now look at you.

What's your favorite part

of the drag getup?

- He seemed to be very occupied

by my breast plate.

- Oh.

- Liked it.

- Is Mike wearing it now?

- No.

- I swallowed half of it.

[laughter]

- I'm getting, like,

an Al Pacino in drag thing,

and not in a good way.

[laughter]

- Robin Mansions' face

repels beauty.

And I love that.

Nothing makes

a woman feel prettier

than standing

next to this one over here.

- Well, that's why I hang out

with Michelle Visage.

[laughter]

All right, next up,

Phi Phi O'Hara and Gi Gi.

Wow, that's Chris.

Now you are Gi Gi.

You're gorgeous.

- Thank you.

- What was the hardest part

of the striptease?

- Being fully tucked

and walking in high heels.

- So you were fully tucked?

- I had the elephant all the way

back towards the waterhole.

- Oh, really?

- I liked seeing

the resemblance.

- You look like you share DNA.

You look fantastic.

Great job there.

- I have such a girl crush

on both of you.

- What was the most

difficult part

of working with your daddy mama?

- We really worked

well together.

He's like an inspiration

of what everybody should be.

He's an open-minded,

heterosexual male

that just values people

for who they are,

doesn't judge a book

by its cover.

My dad's not like that.

If I could have a dad like him,

my life would probably

be a lot easier,

and, you know,

I wish I had that bond,

so it's nice to have

a friend like this.

- It'll happen one day.

- Do you think your father

will watch this show?

- Probably not.

And that's okay.

[crying] I'm fine with that.

I just...I hope he values...

like, who I am.

If I can get anything from this,

I'm just...I'm happy he was here

to see that I'm a good person.

That feels so good.

Thank you.

- Thanks, kids.

- Thank you.

- Next up, Latrice Royale

and Sharelle Royale.

That's Leland.

Girl, you come a long way.

- Sharelle is a ho.

She can't even get enough

of herself in the mirror.

- Really?

- Trust.

Look at that.

Do you see this?

- Yes.

- That's gorgeousness.

Gorgeousness.

- The family resemblance,

though,

it ain't up in there.

- You don't see none?

- Well, I...[mumbling]

- I'm different.

- Okay.

- See? There it is.

Now what? See.

- I will follow suit and say

that I'm not seeing

the family resemblance.

It's sort of more of like

here's two friends

in a Tyler Perry movie.

[laughter]

- Next up, Lil' Kenya Michaels

and Lil' Mama Michaels.

That's Rick.

- Wow.

- And this

is Lil' Mama Michaels.

- Rick, I feel like you and I

could be related.

I feel like we look a little bit

alike if I straighten my hair.

And I'm digging it.

- I don't love the dresses

that I'm seeing here.

I think they could have used

a little more flash,

so I would have liked to see

a little more sparkle.

- Lil' Mama, was this

an unwanted pregnancy?

- Uh, yeah.

- 'Cause it was the most

somber, macabre,

fricking death walk

I've ever seen.

I was like, oh.

This poor baby.

- [laughs]

- I'm ready to have this baby.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

I have, like,

four underwears right now

and, like, two pantyhose.

Even these shoes,

they don't even fit me.

They're glued to my feet

right now.

- Literally glued to your feet?

- They're glued to my feet,

so I can't take it off...

[laughter]

- He can't even kick 'em off.

- Thank you, ladies.

I think we've heard enough.

Now while you untuck in the

Interior Illusions Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

All right, kids.

Just between us "goils"...

let's start with Chad Michaels

and Lady Samantha.

- I loved the striptease.

I loved the walk.

- The runway presentation

was very basic.

Nothing sexy about it at all.

Because Chad doesn't take risks,

it brings Chad down.

- Well, I was enamored with him.

I thought she did a remarkable

job with Lady Samantha.

- Sharon Needles

with Robin Mansions.

- I love Sharon Needles.

I love her energy,

I love her humor,

I love her look.

However, I really thought

Robin Mansions

was a dog of a lady on stage.

- I just feel like she

left her sister out to hang.

- Phi Phi O'Hara

and her sister Gi Gi.

- Phi Phi is

absolutely adorable.

- I-I heart Phi Phi O'Hara.

Love the shoes, love the bag,

love everything.

Love it.

- There was really

an uncanny resemblance.

- Yeah.

- Latrice Royale and Sharelle.

- Oh, the Royale sisters.

- [giggles]

- We're sisters,

but we look nothing alike.

I just felt like they had

a different baby daddy.

- I wasn't a huge fan

of the striptease.

For me, a little lackluster.

- Lil' Kenya Michaels

and Lil' Mama Michaels.

- I thought little Eva Longoria

was just adorable.

So much charisma,

and I can totally see why

you'd want to bring her back.

- Their pregnancy dresses with

the fur coming out of the top,

the sweater set,

and the marabou trim,

it was all a little bit wrong.

- Kenya Michaels

is a fierce queen.

It's unfortunate that she's

just off her game.

- Silence.

Now bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Chad Michaels...

You're safe.

- Thank you, Ru.

- Awesome.

- Phi Phi O'Hara,

you babied your daddy mama

and carried this challenge

to full term.

- Damn straight.

- Condragulations.

You are the winner

of this challenge.

[applause]

- Whoo! Yeah, girls!

Whoo! Yeah!

- You and your daddy mama

have each won a trip for two

to Las Vegas,

courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel.

- Ha-ha-ha!

Vegas, Vegas, Vegas,

Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.

- Thank you. Mwah.

- And all of our daddy mamas

will receive a $1,000

gift certificate

from Moods of Norway.

Kenya Michaels,

your daddy mama presentation

gave us a case

of the baby blues.

I'm sorry, my dear, but you

are up for elimination.

- Ooh.

- Oh, not again.

I don't want to do Carmen.

I don't want to go home today.

- Sharon Needles...

- You got this.

- You gave your daddy mama

a face only a mother could love.

Latrice Royale,

your daddy mama looked like

a sister from another mister.

Sharon Needles...

you're safe.

- Yes! Yes!

Yes!

- Latrice Royale,

I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

- That's all right, mama.

- I didn't expect

to be in the bottom two,

but I'm gonna turn it out.

It's do or die.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last

chance to impress me...

And save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come for you

to lip-synch for your life.

Good luck, and don't f*ck it up.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Looking out ♪

♪ On the morning rain ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ I used to feel ♪

♪ So uninspired ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Before the day I met you ♪

♪ Life was so unkind ♪

♪ You're the key ♪

♪ To my peace of mind ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ Like a natural woman ♪

- ♪ Woman ♪

- ♪ When my soul ♪

♪ Was in the lost and found ♪

♪ You came along ♪

♪ To claim it ♪

♪ Now I'm no longer doubtful ♪

♪ Of what I'm living for ♪

♪ And if I make you happy ♪

♪ I don't need to do more ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ Like a natural woman ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ Like a natural woman ♪

- ♪ Woman ♪

- ♪ You make me feel ♪

[applause]

[cheers]

- Ladies,

I have made my decision.

Latrice Royale...

Shantay, you stay.

- Thank you.

- Lil' Kenya Michaels,

it's hard to say good-bye

to a queen like you.

Till we meet again.

Now, sashay away.

[laughter]

- I feel sad because

all the girls have the dream

to win this competition,

and maybe it's not my time.

Don't stop dreaming

'cause all the dreams come true.

- Wow.

The fantastic four.

The future of drag

rests in your hands.

Now, remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell

you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

- all: Amen.

- All right.

Now let the music play.
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