I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar I used to hit the bottom
but then I hit it
[Applause]
to see me doing a strike
[Music]
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I gotta go
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[Laughter]
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you should've thought of that before you
screwed my brother my uncle Ernie and
the paperboy you cold-hearted skank he
has to take her back she was just
expressing her need to grow it's so
tragic so unjust so wussy what happened
Shirley Temple the good ship lollipop
leave the station without you I wouldn't
expect you to understand culture
speaking of which stimulating night at
the bar boys yeah
it should I come you miss the game I'll
never forgive myself who was playing
[Music]
there was scar and there was blood
overall a pretty good mmm ping-pong
match so how's operation get the quad
laid gone candlelight dinner hushed
conversation a romantic movie and then a
trip round the old parsley pads
let's leave the lovebirds alone I can't
believe you let her die it makes me
realize we could lose each other any
minute yes we should take advantage of
every last second to screw and make
sweet love I knew you'd understand
join spirits with me my little soulmate
on wheels yes darling
let's become one
it's a genius play in the sensitive car
to get into her knickers now this time
I've been using the disgusting pig
approach
[Music]
honey about your mighty rain stick it's
not quite as mighty as usual tonight
down in six across who wants something
fried and doughy why did you bring this
with you Oh doughnuts you goose
speaking of goos how was date night do I
sense a special glue oh it didn't go so
well the plane never left the runway if
you know what I mean
Oh problems with takeoff I couldn't get
the flaps up oh we tried all night
nada yeah what nada your business it's a
very sensitive topic for Riley Oh
oh we had a little trouble slipping at a
port sir Diddy Hey Oh Franny don't tell
me everybody knows when you just take
out an ad in the paper she was in the
newspaper
Riley couldn't stuff the turkey guys
please can we just drop it
yeah poor Riley stop it's not a problem
I was just tired right he was just tired
we're sure you're a real tiger in bed Oh
watch out for Riley yeah that's right if
a tiger were paralyzed and in bed he'd
be me
we can work through this Riley I'll help
you if you'll let me with your h*m*
pathetic stuff no thanks
homeopathic just give it a try okay from
me okay first we tried crystals to align
my chakra then an extreme yoga session
to cleanse my aura and finally a
meditation session
I felt renewed rejuvenated ready to
rumble it's okay it's okay sometimes
these things take time time I know what
time it is time to try it my way hey is
that a g*n in a holster are you just
glad to see me
Debbie got some p*rn from the sperm
bank at the center I found the most
stimulating going down on the farm was
particularly thought-provoking Spalding
Haven came through with some Gally
magazines they were my father's female
genitalia honey
Frannie was incredible I think she
missed Wally the woodchuck as much as he
missed her but all her efforts were
paying off
I was hornier than a sailor in a room
full of sheep uh hi maybe can I share
your timbers yo ho ho ha you have
permission to come aboard there she
blows
sorry looks like you and drydock tonight
don't worry about it honey I'll just
take matters into my own hands
come on flipper
the thing in junior high I had permanent
wood and nowhere to put it
except for that ugly watermelon incident
and here I was with a gorgeous grilling
woman it was softer than a cashmere
sweater it's one thing to lose your arms
and legs but this I wasn't even a male
quad I was an 8 quad god I know we've
never been close you're busy I'm busy
but if we're good things about you and I
need your help here I'll change I'll be
a good person anything you want just get
me back my manhood okay I know you've
got your hands full with wars and
what-have-you but this is serious you're
a guy you understand here we go come on
1 2
[Music]
what the hell hey if you're listening
what do you say you want my money more
since I can do that come on let's do
lunch
you got a beginning so that's a
crossroad
[Music]
you're the devil well that's me Satan
Lucifer Beelzebub but the Prince of
Darkness my friends call me Lou I
thought you were this big menacing Hulk
I've got a great PR department I mean
it's all about image positioning
branding so you've got a little problem
with your swizzle stick I can help
really
I'd do anything then sign here sorry
three copies I should read the fine
print I'm guessing you've got quite a
legal team down there are you kidding
the place is crawling with Royals 300
bucks an hour I might be evil incarnate
but I am NOT made of money well this is
pretty standard stuff you get a hard-on
blah blah blah I get yourself you're
dead and you won't need it then will you
I guess not
thank Satan Franny thanks you my pants
thank you where do I sign there may be a
day when I ask you to perform a small
favor for me I get it it's a line from
The Godfather right he copied me
[Music]
Oh Frannie Papa's got a brand-new bag oh
honey you're back
Frannie some candy
[Music]
[Music]
it's amazing
she's so satisfied what the hell did he
do to her and how many times maybe he
could teach me did you see slaughters to
build another coffeehouse that's a shame
remind me to send them a card so tell us
and don't leave out a thing it was like
like the planets aligned above us and
moved the earth not that romantic crap
we want to hear about bodily fluids
yeah that's right who's the quad who's
the quad morning my little oil driller
dawn Wanda maimed Manor Godfather as sex
how did you do it you can read about it
in my book I'm gonna go grab the paper
keep those buns warm and sticky for me
babycakes
[Music]
[Applause]
yeah dude I can't thank you enough
you're a real lifesaver glad I could
help
remember that favor just a small test
boy you're sure catching that one and
fast if you can blasphemy I like it
wait you were up here before see but
this body of Christ is so tasty I just
had to have another place and you were
here before and you too these are
tortilla chips a little too spicy but
delicious nonetheless great idea
the body of Christ week jalapeno
beautiful damn cable I'm getting a dish
Christ wash this down
[Music]
he does good work you make a fine minion
see you soon Riley get that looked at
[Music]
razor get the hell out of here I need to
learn hates me please
I can learn come on baby I'm just a hook
a hook a burning quad in just a minute
my little roto-rooter surprise
population 5 million and Counting where
we play Kenny G my little evil peach
we're making up the guest P for you it's
you and me in hell for eternity it's
okay Freddy I sold my soul to the devil
I'm going to hell I have never been so
satisfied so it seems do you hear
something it's coming from Wow
you are happy oh I love this song well
the last time I felt this bad I had the
grille of a car plastered to my forehead
you were fabulous last night we made
love last night oh you were asleep but
commander Herald and the boys were wide
awake so I just helped myself feel
Reilly still having the nightmares
they're getting worse let me ask you
guys do you believe Satan could possess
your soul yeah they say you suffer the
worst pain imaginable incredible t*rture
and agony like living with you guys is
everything okay no it's not these dreams
are scaring the crap out of me
I'm starting to think that selling my
soul to the devil for all eternity was a
mistake
it sounds like deep seeded guilt not
just because you've been giving Franny
the full front Oh howdy doesn't mean the
devil is after you hmm doesn't anyone
believe me I've done favors for Satan
I'm like the devil's personal [ __ ]
Satan doesn't like to be kept waiting
I've got a 2 o'clock head appointment
don't make me late don't you hear that
he's here I think someone's been up past
his bedtime it needs a widow nap
[Music]
oh poor darling I know just what you
need better get you to bed here's your
ice water sweetie go away you're not
welcome anymore
I already did you stupid favor can't you
leave me alone I changed my mind
wanna go why is it nobody wants to go to
hell it's not so bad the hours are good
we've got a great dental plan you can
choose a roommate oh do you want Judas
or starting now what about the eternal
suffering well get used to it now let's
get moving
I've come to collect your soul but you
said you weren't going to take it until
I was dead I didn't specify when you
were going to die a housing our sound
you tricked me you are so evil duh have
you read my resume
[Applause]
so crazy this is for your own good seem
like a crazy time to make them exercise
its exorcise as in demonic possession oh
I get it
just like that poor girl in the movies
you know what that means yeah he'll work
for a while then his career will totally
dry up
[Music]
[Music]
he's been taken by the devil
step aside child you sold your soul into
eternal damnation so you might engage in
carnal knowledge that's about the size
of it silly me
please sister I'm trying to throw myself
at your mercy perhaps you could help
with our bake sale have a Pinot chip Oh
Oh about that let me explain you think
blasphemy is funny don't you remember
Catholic school God there's no sense of
humor I'm going to need supplies boiling
water some towels ropes a TV Guide and
some jujubes jujubes I like them you
watch the door my bud I command you
Satan come out of Riley's little man
sister boots long time no see how have
you been my arthritis has been acting up
but I can't complain
no leave this house leave a face the
devastation of apocalypse
you're so magic you must have studied
with Strasbourg I hope we are ready to
do battle demon bring it on baby
let's rock n roll
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
it's working you go girl nice thoughts
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
you win his crippled ass soul isn't
worth it
just Java thanks sister
you saved me I'll see you in church sure
you will
when hell freezes over oh no you're
going she saved your soul I said thank
you what do you want from me
[Music]
[Music]
aren't you going to church today hey I
promised her a new member of the church
I just didn't say who in shirts they
just see those legs on her she's one hot
Bride of Christ
a little sacramental wine I could be
enjoying me a nice piece of nun cake
later
I'm sorry about all this babe I really
just wanted to be a man for you well
with or without your legs and with or
without your rain stick
you're still my man who's risen from the
dead
this is Good Friday
[Applause]
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