01x11 - Top Dogs

[bunniefuu]

was

right fight Wast and always being

cool cuz I'm a man not a boy and you you

have them when you're not prepared to

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them

stand

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up

oh they're here the Freshman Facebooks

are finally

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here

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lady as I suspected those medical

supplies were not intended for us so

please stop using them

immediately so now when I remove these

bandages you should be completely

invisible oh my God I can see invisible

people the good news is the Freshman

Facebooks have finally arrived these

books contain pictures and phone numbers

of every

freshman now I know you're all eager to

receive your copies so if you would

please break into two smaller Angar mobs

I can more efficiently address your

Facebook and traveling

needs

I said two

mobs everyone looks so stupid in this

book D you look like a total tool you a

cheerleader cheerleading is for girls

that's my field hockey uniform oh at

least I'm in here Ed doesn't even have a

picture my daddy says pictures steal

your soul you're all going to

hell look at my picture totally rad and

check out that booger his name is green

my mom didn't want me to bring him to

college because he's a bad inent but I

did anyway didn't I greeny yes I did yes

I

did what no I will not play chicken in a

pickup

truck all the cool kids you say Facebook

let me see slide that book in a chuckery

Direction they ought to call this book

barbecue cuz that is some sweet meat I

say that every year and every year it's

true

this book is for one thing only

searching for SE if you know what I mean

whenever anyone says you know what I

mean I never know what they mean I know

what you mean huh listen up my little

chling cuz love making 101 is now in

checking hey Mama how's just checking

you out now I'm calling to take you out

so we can make out so as soon as this

number's back service I hope you give me

a shout out over and

out I can do

this hello there Abby

McBride how long is a chinan what no

stupid how long is the guy's name and

he's Chinese it's not a question man

you're are so

stupid let's do another

one hello it's k*ll me you're supposed

to hang up before you dial again dag off

oh really well if you're such a

knowitall Miss know-it-all maybe you can

answer this how long is the

chinan and then I told her it wasn't a

question at all how long is

a

j Stamford you okay quit watch it down

with

something

his name is how long and he's a chinan

that's

rich Shin is a r*cist term Joe we're

talking about a chick that dug me hard

she was totally into me I'd hate to

break it to you but college women aren't

into illiterate jackasses like you

really what kind of jackasses are they

into women are attracted to accomplished

intellectuals like myself I'm not a

woman but I think you're attractive wait

did I say that out loud well I don't

know hold on this is in my head this is

out loud this is in my head this is out

loud all right now I'm

ready I wonder what Joe would look like

with

bre anyway if you're so accomplished why

don't we ever see you with a woman I

mean besides Stanford bur oh wait I'm

too busy with my studies yeah us too if

we didn't study so much we'd get a ton

of action don't make me laugh what woman

would ever want to go out with you guys

we could totally get chicked before you

could oh yeah I'd like to see you try oh

yeah I'd like to see us try

too for the last time this week's exam

will not have any rhetorical question I

mean how many times do I have to explain

this to you Mr har four

correct good thing they don't deduct

points for clumsiness

if they did I might not have a perfect

grade point average but I do I do have a

perfect grade point average

perfect whoa size six French pedicure

intense arches mother would be so

jealous all right so I'll say I'm like

an astronaut or a basketball player this

chick stake tall guy I be a secret agent

definitely like an FBI agent so you

should kind of act as serious you know

like this

yeah didn't you two figure this all out

before you hit on us hello ladies I

couldn't help overhearing that I'm a

basketball astronaut and I'm Dell an

undercover HIV agent are you sure about

that yeah I'm HIV

positive let's face it Stanford we're

just not ladies men like Joe well at

least you could say you learned one

thing in college in fact I just just

came from class where I decided to give

Wendy boner a little taste of Joe Tate

and I think she

likey and there she is what a specimen

why would you be interested in her she's

only 3 in tall well four wait now she's

five oh my God she's growing she's

turning into a giant we're all going to

die she's walking toward us idiot hey

Wendy what's your name it's me Joe Tate

from your no I'm talking to your friend

aren't you Stanford that depends who's

asking I am silly then uh what was the

question again I was wondering you want

to go to my sority date party with

me I must be dreaming quick somebody

Pinch A Lo fine I'll do it

myself whoa I'm not dreaming yes I'll

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go

a corage is cool cuz you get to pin it

on and that way you get really close to

her boob now let me try again

ow better but keep practicing cuz if you

accidentally poke her you'll get a face

full of milk I don't get it why is Wendy

asking you out why didn't she ask me and

more important why why am I after you I

think she's attracted to him because

women dig danger yeah I'm dangerous

check this out that's a novelty picture

you got at the fair that's your face on

evil conal's body Joe are you jealous or

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something man oh man was that funny we

don't laugh like that nearly enough have

we forgotten what it's like to be

children anyhow Joe are you jealous or

something hi my name is Brooks my best

friend Wendy told me a cutie named Dell

lived here that's me I'm Franklin churg

I mean Dell oh my God Wendy was right

about you would you go to my sorority

date party with me well let me answer

your question was another question yes

I'm thinking of switching from anorexia

to B

because I mean my parents bought the

meal plan did you guys get dates for the

dog

party my date is totally Mega ugly he's

all

like my date's totally going to be the

ugliest date ever he's

all I'm sorry this Botox I can't make

any facial expressions oh my God Sanford

and Dell got invited to a dog party this

is great I can't wait to rub their cool

moist noses in it

but if me and Wendy have a girl we'll

name her Han Solo I always like that

name for a girl Dame rumor tells me that

you two are entering into the dangerous

world of dating sorry dude you're too

late yeah we're spoken for I don't want

to go out with you guys but as your ra

it is my responsibility to give you the

hard cold facts about women oh playing

hard to get okay you've got my interest

to avoid serious dating dangers you must

follow the simple to follow guidelines

for dating number one no means no so

don't be afraid to say no if she wants

something from you that you're not

willing to give you mean like my

collection of American coins with

president's heads on them if my

collection of American coins with

president's heads on them you mean

you're innocent then yes man I had no

idea T knew so much about dating well

I'm starting to wonder if get a hold of

yourself man thanks stford I needed

that why are you taping us am I the

Osborne because I want to Forever

document the moment you realize that you

two are the most undesirable people on

the planet okay but I want a copy I just

learned an interesting tidbit about your

little sori event it's actually a dog

party I love Snoop Dog from Good Times

hey hey hey every year Wendy sorority

has a party where they bring the ugliest

State they can find and this year you

guys were chosen so if we're dogs uh-huh

and this is an annual dog party that's

right you got it then we're going to

have hot dates like this every year this

is totally sweet what the hell is wrong

with you guys are you too stupid to be

humiliated I guess so stupid Joe or

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m*rder at least I've avoided the Dignity

of being invited somewhere because I'm a

hideous freak hey PewDiePie what are you

doing Saturday night k*lling myself oh

well after

that could I really be that ugly why do

I waste my time studying no one cares

about intellect if I put as much effort

into my looks as I do into my studies I

could be one of the Beautiful People

well for God's sakes shut the yapper get

out there and make it happen you know

what I think I will and as long as we're

talking could you quit popping your zits

on

me ow crap holy crap it

hurts mama's

boy

I'm telling you I really think I pulled

something this

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time come on

sucker

yeah wheel it off mama's

boy boy you are really cut I'm strong

enough for a man but made for a

woman you have the most beautiful blue

eye oh that uh yeah uh my dog he's a

husky was actually he just passed away I

thought I'd honor him I think it's very

sexy we should talk more about my sexy

innocent dead dog over dinner that

sounds great here's my

number Rachel that's a pretty name I

went to high school with a girl named

Rachel she was kidnapped and later found

decapitated in a dumpster

behind so uh Saturday good for you D

this is going to be the greatest night

of our life in fact I'm going to go out

on a limb

here all right now where were we oh yeah

I think it might be a little tight hey

you're turning the same color as a time

you're like one of those chameleon

lizards let's cut your arm off and see

if it grows back not before the party it

might not grow back in

time have you ever kissed a girl kiss

girls no Dell I kiss winning and the

elderly I haven't what if we have to

kiss our days there's nothing to it I'll

show you how

step one close your eyes step two Lean

Forward step three do

this e gross just because it's a dog

party doesn't mean that we have to kiss

like dogs kiss like dogs what the hell

are you talking

about so that's when I called them a

couple of morons and left in a huff well

you did the right

thing what's wrong with your food

nothing it's great I'm just full full

huh maybe you shouldn't have ordered an

$8 appetizer now you can't even finish

your regular meal maybe we could finish

this conversation back at my place well

don't you live kind of far

from uh at the risk of being frank are

we going to hook up could be okay but

then I get to tell you about the time I

mistook magnesium chloride for magnesium

chlorate I'm laughing just thinking

about

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it but then again and everything makes

me gazy D dude you're drooling

blood well it's that time of the month

again when I FL we are the two luckiest

girls in the whole Sor welcome everybody

to the tri Sigma P date party now it's

tradition for every day to totally

introduce themselves and receive their

handsome name tag and party bro hello

ladies I'm wolf mittman sternal with

Todd wolf midman St stal this is my

first date ever women never used to

respect me until now thanks my name's Ed

pickle and the stain here on my trousers

is p i mean how long I told you but I

Vietnamese Dam it do I look tiny no

that's because I Vietnamese my bad and I

6'7 now I'm going to do a machine

g*n and a cow

now a cow getting sh*t by a machine

g*n and now a cow getting sh*t by a

machine g*n extended house

mix uhoh Head

Rush here we

are oh good God oopsie Daisy I forgot my

sorority sisters were having a party

tonight but since we're here you can be

my date here he is girl totally bring

him up here get up there stud tell him

about how you call an entree a regular

meal she didn't even finish

it

fine you know when I think of a bully I

usually think of a big muscular guy in a

speedo kicking sand in some little

scrawny disys spectacle guy's face yeah

I hate that scrawny guy with his stupid

sandless face all spectacles and stuff

screw him well today that big muscular

guy is the girls of Tri Sigma Pi you

were all invited tonight because you are

ugly these women are treating you like

dogs yeah right prove it all they care

about is what you look like they don't

care about who you are what kind of

intellect you have or your dreams of

becoming a doctor well I will not let my

fellow dogs be humiliated any longer

come on boys we're going

home want to go outside come on let's go

I'm sorry my date ruined the party it's

not all bad at least we don't have to

have sex with them this year that's

totally my least favorite of all the tri

Sigma Pai Traditions oh no what about

those

three Miss sority was totally founded on

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tradition hey wait up guy who made

speech I would what you said in there

and it got me

thinking oh yeah I heard you say you

were going to be a doctor yeah so we

should keep in touch what oh I see you

just want to stay in touch with me

because I'll be a rich and successful

doctor will you not

listening okay I'll call you well I

wouldn't say it was a total loss yeah

this your cone keeps me from licking my

hotpots and I found out I have five of

the warning signs for hpto

you oh make that

six wow I never want to do that again I

know he's messy and smelly and even kind

of leaked a little I felt like I didn't

know what I was doing well every so

often you got to try new stuff now you

can say you've eaten an omelet so how

about that sex last night that was

totally awesome

totally

it's go time Paco a lot more nonsense on

the next three

sou I'm a bad man I'm a bad

man