02x07 - A Little Off the Top/Megalomaniacs Anonymous

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ One is a genius

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ Before each night
is done ♪

♪ Their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over
the world ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign

♪ Is easy to explain

♪ To prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll
overthrow the earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

Hi, I'm anson
"stop calling me potsie"
williams,

And this is circus
of the presidential
candidate hopeful stars.

Tonight, thrills and chills
with jack kemp...

And bob dole.

Bob dole says-
yaah!

Bah, shameless election year
self-promotion.

Circus indeed.

It's wearying.
It's unpleasant.

It's so true.

Bill keane's
the family circus

Just isn't funny
anymore.

The family circus
was never funny,
pinky.

Oh, no, brain.

Don't you
remember the time
little jeffy

Gazed out
at the sunset and said,

"Look, mommy, the sun
is taking a nap, too."

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ah ha.

No, the magic is gone.

Why don't you write a letter
to the editor?

I'm sure he'll be happy
to hear about little jeffy's
triumphant insights.

Good thinking, brain.
Narf!

Let's see,
how can I say
the family circus

Is not funny?

"The family circus
is not funny. Love, pinky."

Here we go.
Every election year,
it's family values.

Well, he's right,
hugga hugga!

It's not funny.
The family isn't a circus.

It's a huge responsibility.

This pinky fella's got moxie,
hugga hugga.

Run this on page one.

What about my piece
on world hunger?

Nah. All that famine stuff
sounded too made up.

This pinky fella
really speaks to me.

Why, I don't know
where I'd be
without my family.

Yes. I must be
the luckiest woman
on earth.

That pinky's somethin'.

Makes me wish
I hadn't run out
on my wife and kids.

Yeah. Wanna
get some breakfast?

Sure. 2 More.

The name
that resides

On the tip
of every american's
tongue

Is pinky.

The family
has never had
a stronger advocate.

Sure, pinky's a visionary,

But let's talk about
the real issues,

Like why I can't
get rid of this infernal
burning and itching.

Pinky, it's incredible.
America has embraced you.

Your inane ramblings
have landed you

In a position of
totally unwarranted fame.

Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

Well,
I think so, brain,

But do I really need


No, pinky.

You, heaven help us,

Are going to be the next
president of the united states!

Congratulations
on the election,
mr. President.

Here is the hat.

Naaaaaarf!

Pinky,
it's all coming together
like 2 amtrak trains.

Behind the smoke screen
of your presidency,

I, as your
chief of staff,

Will implement
world domination plan


First, however,
we must choose
a political party.

Here's
a pretty-sounding one.

The green party.
Their slogan is,

"We don't stand a chance."

Hmm. "Americans
for a bigger america."
No.

"Citizens
for more hatred." No.

The "fight
for your right
to party." No.

K- r-u-d is
my million dollar station.

Mr. Pinky,
this is bob carlton.

We think you would be
the perfect candidate
for our party.

Hey, what y'all up to?

Uh, gotta go.

There isn't one single
political party
out there

That doesn't
nauseate me with
its self-serving agenda

And overblown hubris.

Then you probably won't
be interested in this one.

Just choose one,
pinky.

Ooh, I like
the sound of this one.

Man: we sure are glad

You chose
the p.i.n.k. Party.

"No longer under
federal investigation."

Ooh, catchy
campaign slogan.

Not to brag,
but last election,

We ran
a darn respectable
campaign,

Considering
we're a party
of 2 people.

How many votes did you get?

One.

Now, as mr. Pinky's
campaign manager,

There are a few things
we require:

A private plane,
a state-of-the-art
w*r room,

And 5-star
hotel accommodations.

We got a bus.

You've got yourself
a deal.

I must begin
to plan our strategy.

Assemble the staff.

Man: ahem.

That'd
be sweaty pete.

Sweaty pete?

Uh, yeah, yeah,
I'm your man. Uh,

I was
campaign strategist
for nixon in 1960.

Uh, before
the kennedy debate,

I advised nixon
to act real edgy
and sweat a lot

To get
the nervous man's vote.

I bounced around
for the next few years.
The bay of pigs?

That was mine.
Then I did p.r.
For billy carter.

Told dukakis,
"you look real handsome
ridin' in that t*nk."

When I was
with stockdale-

You can drive the bus.

Ok.

With only 2 weeks
until the election,

The maverick
social philosopher-
cum-politician,

Ulysses delano fitzgerald
millhouse pinky,

Known to his friends
as "ladybird,"

Has announced
his candidacy for president.

Bernard s:
currently, the polls
show clinton in the lead,

Followed by mr. Pinky,
pat paulsen,

The trix rabbit,
and senator bob dole.

As the popular candidate

Spreads
his family values platform

Throughout america,
sources report

He is constantly immersed
in high-level discussions

With his
campaign strategists.

♪ 98 Bottles of beer
on the wall ♪

♪ 36 Bottles of beer

♪ Take on down,
pass it around- ♪
pinky.

Sorry, brain.
Go ahead then.

The constitution-
the first amendment

Guarantees
freedom of speech,

The precious
right of citizens

To say what they choose
without repercussions.

Even stupid things?

Lucky for you, yes.

This is it, pinky,

Your first face-to-face
with the public.

Wanna know what I'd do?

What's that,
pete?



Yes. We must win

The all-important
trouserless vote.

Now, pinky,
I must warn you,

The american voter
will ask grueling questions,

Some of which will have
no clear-cut answer.

To help you
through this ordeal,

I have come up with
a little something

I like to call
prompt-o-specs.

I will type out
the well reasoned response
on this keyboard,

And the words shall appear
before your eyes.

Ooh, they give me that
saucy librarian look,

You know, all bookish,
then take off the glasses,

Let down the hair,
and grrrowl! Ha ha ha.

Pinky, don't
act like an idiot

Till after
you're elected.

Mr. Candidate,
whatcha gonna do
about farm subsidies?

"If we manipulate
climatic variables
with neutrinos

"To produce
agricultural equilibrium...

You might just
be a redneck."

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

"If elected president,

I shall see
that more factories
like these are built."

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Note to self-
examine speaking engagements
more closely.

Nanook...

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Whoo-hoo!

Yes, pinky! You're
in a tie for the lead
in the polls.

Your public approval
is at an all-time high,

And your tv q-rating
is slightly higher
than nick freno.

And don't forget,
brain.

Tiger beet says
we're tops with teens.

Wanna know what I'd do?

A cruise in the florida keys
with a boatload of bimbos.

Ohh, can i, brain?
Can i?

No, pinky. We are
now at the precipice.

The pinky juggernaut
cannot be stopped!

The pinky juggernaut
must be stopped!

We've tried everything
to dig up dirt on him.

He's got no background.
He's the teflon
candidate.

Um, I got it.

Ok, let's mix up
his recyclables

So the recycling guy
yells at him
and bums him out.

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

You people are amateurs.

I'll get you
the dirt you need
to bring pinky down,

But it ain't
gonna be pretty.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna look...
Around, under,
and, uh...

You have no idea,
do you?

No.

Mister, you've
got yourself a deal.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Come on, it's fun.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Brain:
this is it, pinky,

The most critical moment
of every presidential
election.

Embracing
jesse jackson,

Um, to a point?

No, pinky.
The presidential debate-

An election
can be won or lost
based on the outcome.

Wanna know
what I'd do?

No. Just remember
one thing, pinky.

All you have to do
is read the glasses.

Mr. Pinky,
what do you plan to do
about the health care crisis?

Health care.
Health care.

Yes!

"I propose building

"A hypno-holistic
homeopathizer,

"Capable of herbal
psychosomatisms

That reverse
synaptic impulses
of pain."

Narf!

Yes, about this
concept of "narf"

You've
referred to repeatedly
during your campaign.

Is this anything
like nafta?

"Narf stands for
north american ratified

Ffffffffff."

Naaah! The "f" key.

"F," "f," "f."

It's just broken.

"Ffffffff."

Time, mr. Pinky.
Senator dole,
a rebuttal.

As anyone knows,

Bob dole
originally proposed

The north american
ratified ffffff.

That's
bob dole's baby.

Senator, you have


Ffffffff.

The transponder.

Candidate pinky,

How do you plan to pay off
the federal deficit?

Uh...

Um, uh...

Mr. Candidate,
the deficit?

I, uh...

"Do you wish
to withdraw cash?

"Sorry,
insufficient funds.

"Por favor,

Retire la tarjeta."

But how will you deal
with the budget crisis?

Pinky: "charge!"

Ahh, the dream is over.

What do you see
as the solution to crime?

"Choose alternate route."

What about world hunger?

Large fries,


Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Yes!

Uh,

I can supesuper sizesize that
for 35 cents more.

Mr. Pinky, who are you
going to vote for?

Um...i haven't decided yet.
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Pinky, we have arrived.

We stand at the threshold
of a new beginning.

World domination
is finally
within our grasp.

And they made
all the changes
I asked for-

A water bottle
and an exercise wheel.

And bingo was his name-o.

Now then, uh, "congratulate
super bowl winners.

"Call astronauts
on shuttle.

"Wait for cable guy.

Balance budget."

Ahh. Well,
I best get started.

Astronaut: y'ello.

Congratulations
on your fabulous
super bowl victory.

Splendid match.
Top-notch.

Darn those jerky boys.

Chief of staff brain
to see you, mr. President.

Oh, goody! Zort!

Pinky, the time has come
to take over the world.

Oh, right.
I'd kind of forgotten
about that.

With our new access
to m*llitary satellite
uplinks,

We will jam
the frequencies
of every radio station

With nothing
but kenny g., Yanni,

And the soulful spasms
of john tesh.

Ha ha.
I'm afraid, brain.

Exposure to these
flaccid tonalities

Will soften
the cerebral tissue,

Rendering
the entire population
our personal slaves!

Uh, um,
but, brain,

Wouldn't taking over
all the radio stations
be, um...

You know, a violation
of the first amendment
freedom of speech?

Well, I suppose
technically, but-

And I think that
turning everyone
into your sl*ve

Goes against that


Yes, but-but-

And I'm pretty sure you need
congressional approval

To use
m*llitary equipment
for personal-

Pinky,
just forget that
for now.

But, brain, it's-
it's everything you've
taught me to remember,

Remember?

♪ When in the course
of human events ♪

♪ It becomes
necessar- ♪

Grrr. Unh.

Pinky, I fully intend
to reinstitute

All the principles
of democracy

When the time is right.
When's that?

When I am the invincible
and uncontested ruler
of the world.

Now, are you
with me or not?

No, brain.
I...i can't.

It goes
against everything
I've come to stand for.

Aahhhha! Fine.

I shall do it myself.

The world won't even know
what hit it.

Now, to reprogram
the satellite uplink
transponders,

All I need is plan 433-b
in my trusty-

Wait a second.
Where's my book?

Where is it?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the single most
embarrassing piece of evidence

Ever to fell
an administration.

The new
victoria's secret catalog?

Now, I'll just
collect my blood money
and be on my way.

Money? You didn't
ask for any money.

I- sh**t.

Wait, stranger.
Before you go, one thing-

Who are you anyway?

Just a friend.

Bill keane!

Bernard s:
the pinky administration

Today reeled
from accusations

That chief of staff brain

Has been plotting
to take over the world.

J.c.: Mr. President,
you must distance yourself
from mr. Brain.

Disavow any knowledge
of his plans.

But brain's my friend.

You can't afford
to have friends.

Don't worry,
mr. President,

We will
stand beside you.

I want you all
to pray with me.

Uh, no.
I gotta get home.

Need to clean out
the dog.

Sir, isn't it true
you once built
a giant clothes dryer

Designed to create
a worldwide case
of static cling?

Preposterous. Worldwide.

That was solely
for my own personal laundry.

I- I have, uh,
many, many socks.

Is it not a fact that
you once schemed to buy
all the real estate

Above the 24th floor,
then flood the world,

Leaving you
as sole owner

Of all viable
apartment space?

Please, you insult me.

It was the 39th floor,
and it-

I mean...no.

Abe, I've got a problem.

Narf! It's like this...

You see, I love
being president, really.

I mean, you get to do
all sorts of lovely things,

Like stopping wars
and seeing movies for free.

But, you see,
I'm only president
on account of brain,

And now I'm supposed to say
I don't know anything

About the whole
taking over the world thing,

Which means
brain wouldn't be my friend,

But if I say
I do know about it,

Then they won't let me
be president anymore.

What should I do, abe?

Abe?

Oh, it's stone.

Wanna know
what I'd do?

Given the preponderance
of condemning evidence

Against
chief of staff brain,

This committee finds him
guilty of sedition,

Abuse of power,
and shoplifting.

The public stoning
will be tomorrow.

But the congress
doesn't have the power
to do that.

All in favor
of giving congress

The power to stone,
say aye.

Aye.
Aye.
Aye.

Ladies and gentlemen,

The president
of the united states.

Order! Order!

Is this thing on?

Ok. Hello.

Poit! Um, I'm here
to set the record straight

About chief of staff brain.

As president, I take
full accountability

For everything that goes on
in my administration.

No, pinky, don't.

Please, brain,
let me handle this.

It was all my idea.

Me, me, me!

For the love of pete,
let him go!

Take me. I'm spartacus!

He's spartacus?

In all my years,

I have never witnessed
such courage.

This kind of bravery
should be rewarded,

But not today. All in favor
of impeachment, say aye.

Aye.
Aye.
Aye.

Pinky, i-i don't know
what to say.

You saved me from
the ignominious fate

Of living out
the rest of my days
behind bars.

Right. Well,
back to the cage then.

Thank you, my friend.

And also, thank you
for reminding me

Of the principles
on which this great nation
was founded-

Principles of freedom,
principles of liberty-

Principles
I will adhere to...

After tomorrow night.

Why, brain?
What are we gonna do
tomorrow night?

The same thing we do
every night, pinky-

Try to take over
the world!

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪