03x13 - Ray J

[bunniefuu]

Look, man, you can't be an actor.

See, you're a dolphin on a stick.

Dolphin on a stick. You know what I'm sayin'?

I mean--

Kel?

I know. The show's about to start.

Yeah, but first, happy birthday.

For...

♪ He's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Oh, mr. Jackson.

♪ Which nobody can deny

♪ Nobody can deny ♪

Wow! You guys are the best.

Make a wish. O.k.

[Blowing]

All right.

Now, kel, we all know

What you wanted for your birthday.

You guys got me a puppy!

Well, no.

We didn't have time

To get you a puppy, but...

We got you something even better.

We got you your very own...

Little old lady.

Hello.

Y'all got me a little old lady?

Mm-hmm.

Isn't she great?

I'm hungry, and I'm tired.

Happy birthday, kel.

All: happy birthday.

Well, I guess this is a good present, you guys.

I really never had my very own old lady.

And she comes with little old lady accessories.

Check this out. Here's a walker.

Some extra teeth. O.k.

Some horrible perfume.

[Coughing]

Come on, man. Guys, guys, look.

You know, I appreciate the thought--

Your going out and gettin' me a present,

But I don't want this old lady.

Brat! Ow!

Y'all are gonna have to return this old lady.

Minutes, minutes. Show starts in minutes.

--Hey. Whose little old lady is this?

She's mine. The guys gave her to me for my birthday.

You lucky duck.

I always wanted my very own little old lady.

Oh, really? Check it out, kevin.

She's yours.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Wait. How much?

Bucks.

.

It's a deal.

All right!

Take her.

Hi. I'm kevin.

Who gives a rat's tail?

Ow, that hurt.

You better get used to it.

She's b*ating kevin up. What should we do?

Let's go start the show.

All: yeah!

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Fresh out the box.

Stop, look, and watch.

Ready yet? Get set.

It'sall that.

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it, check it

♪ Now, this is just an introduction ♪

♪ Before we blow your mind ♪

♪ The show is all of that ♪

♪ And yes, we do it all the time ♪

♪ So sit your booty on the floor ♪

♪ Or in a chair

♪ On the ground or in the air ♪

♪ Just don't go nowhere

♪ 'Cause everything we do

♪ Is all of that

♪ We're entertaining you

♪ We're all of that

♪ My posse and my crew

♪ Is all of that

♪ So sit still

♪ 'Cause we're comin' right back ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪

♪ Check it out

♪ Oh

♪ Uh-oh

♪ This is all that♪

♪ This is all that♪♪

So, how's your pizza?

Oh, wonderful.

It was so sweet of you

To bring me here for dinner, chip.

Well, this is where we had our first date.

I thought it was right that we came here

On our one-month anniversary.

Oh, you are the sweetest boyfriend in the whole world.

And you are the prettiest girl I have ever...

Oh.

Whoa! Check her out!

Zowie!

Chip!

What? What?

You were totally checking out that girl!

No. What makes you say that?

Well, you turned your head completely around,

Stared right at her and said,

"Whoa, check her out. Zowie."

What's your point?

My point is, that I don't ever want

To go out with you again!

Fine. I hereby dump you.

Oh, too late. I dumped you first!

[With italian accent] hey, ya, hey, ya.

Why are you two kids breaka up?

You two make such a cute-a couple.

You musta repair your relationship.

No way. There's no way to repair this relationship.

Oh.

Hey, where's that accent from, anyway?

But that's besides the pointa.

You must repair your relationship.

No way! No way!

[Whistling]

[Crash]

What was that?

That was me!

I'm repair man man man man man man man.

Oh, yeah? Well, you breaka my roofa, roofa...

Roofa.

You're welcome.

Eh?

Wait a minute. You're a repairman?

I'm therepairman.

I can repair absolutely anything.

Then you can repair my roofa.

No!

Well, look. What about my pizza?

You got plaster and junk all over it. Look.

I can repair that pizza.

[Humming]

[Shouting]

I'm hit!

There.

I repaired that pizza good.

No, you didn't.

So?

Now, I understand you two kids

Have a damaged relationship

That needs to be repaired.

Man, forget it.

I don't care how good a repairman you are.

There is no one who can repair ourrelationship.

Oh, you got that right!

Nonsense. I can repair your relationship jiffy-quick.

That's why I'm called

Repairman man man man man man.

Why you echo?

Go away! I have a relationship to repair,

And repair it, I will.

[Humming]

Let me see.

Oh, here's the problem.

You two kids are far apart.

I can repair that.

No!no!

Please don't. Please!

No!

[Shouting]

Ay! You breaka my restauranta!

No trouble at all!

It's a heap of trouble.

You're a bad repairman...

Man-a man-a man-a man-a.

Mr. Repairman, why don't you just leave us alone?

Not until I repair your relationship.

Now kiss.

What? What?

Kiss! Like this!

[Kissing]

Wow!

Yeah!

[Gasping]

Hey, man, what'd you do that for?

It was fun!

Now kiss!

Never! No!

But you must kiss.

[Whump]

There. I repaired them.

What the... You repaired nothing!

You justa knocked them una-conscious...

Conscious, conscious, conscious, conscious.

Glad to do it.

Ah, you poor kids.

Repairman, you breaka my hearta.

Oh, ho ho. Oh, ho ho!

Broken heart.

I can repair that!

[Chuckling crazily]

Aaaggghhh!

[Shouting]

Tune in next time

For the continuing adventures of...

Repairman man man man man man man man.

[Giggling crazily]

And now lori beth denberg with more vital information

For your everyday life.

It's rude to talk with your mouth full.

It's even ruder to talk with your mouth full

Of baby squirrels.

When it rains it pours.

When it snows it's cold.

If you speak spanish

And you don't want anyone to know,

It's not smart to shout out,

"El elefante es grande, senorita."

This has been lori beth denberg

With vital information.

♪ This is all that

♪ This is all that ♪

[Loud sawing]

[Loud sawing]

How many pencils can she possibly sharpen?

[Whistle]

Quiet!

Why are you talking?! This is a library!

But you're making more noise than any of--

Didn't you hear what I just said?!

Maybe I should speak louder!

Quiet!

Silence! No talking!

Didn't you hear what I just said?!

Hey! Mr. Jack-in-the-box!

Pop up!

[Music plays]

Reveal your ugly puppet head!

Oops! There! Hi ya, mr. Jack-in-the-box!

Man, I mean--

What is it with you?!

This is a library!

People are trying to study!

Look at them! They need quiet,

Not these constant rude disturbances

From the likes of you!

Um, um...do you have a dictionary?

Yes, loudmouth! This is a library!

Then look up the word "irony."

Oh, get out! Out! Move it then!

Next time, read the signs!

Come on! Yes, extra ball!

Oh, you! I barely touched you!

[Coughing]

Must I remind you where you are?

This is a library!

And that means no eating and no noise!

[Choking]

Well, if you insist on choking,

Do it somewhere that's not a library!

This is a library, not a choke-a-torium!

Ah, ah, ah!

[Grunting]

I did it!

I'm the strongest librarian in the world!

[Clank]

[Whistle]

Stop clapping!

Can't you read the signs? Quiet! Silence! Hush!

Shhhhhhhhh!

This is a library, not a chatter shack!

[Clunk]

[Music plays]

♪ Oh, macarada, macarada, macarada ♪

♪ Oh, macarada, macarada, macarada, macarada ♪♪

That's it, man, that's it!

She's driving me crazy. I'm leavin'.

What? Can't you all just take a hint?

Shhhh!

[Snorting]

Ole!come on, bull!

[Kids screaming]

Quiet, quiet!

I'm a librarian!

And I'm a-fightin' a bull!

[Snorting]

♪ This is all that ♪

A semi-educational moment.

Everyday french with pierre escargot.

[Speaking french]

[Speaking french]

Stop that!

[Speaking french]

♪ Everything sticky

♪ Sticky, sticky

♪ Everything... ♪

Hello, there. Welcome to everything sticky.

My name is papa glootnis. How can I help you?

Ah, yes. I'm looking for a sticky gift for my mother.

It's her birthday, you know.

Oh, o.k.

Well, how about this sticky purse?

You know, I think you'll find it very sticky.

[Sticking]

Oh, yes. This purse is extremely sticky.

You know, there's a sticky wallet inside, too.

Really?

[Grunting]

Oh, my. This--this wallet

Is even stickier than the purse.

Isn't it?

You know what? I'll take it.

Wonderful. Let me ring that up for you.

Here you go. All right.

[Sticking]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You know, before I go,

My pants feel a little loose.

Do you sell belts here at the store?

You don't need a belt. I know what the problem is.

Let me see your pants.

Hmm-mmm. Just as I thought.

Your pants ain't sticky enough.

You know, you're right?

Here. Let me fix you up.

♪ Stickiness, oh, stickiness ♪♪

I've been working with stickiness for about years.

Really? I didn't know anyone

Had been in stickiness that long.

Oh! There we go!

Much, much stickier.

Hmm-mmm. Those pants ain't goin' nowhere.

No extra charge. Thanks. Thank you.

No, thank you. Tell your mama to have a sticky birthday.

I will.

All right.

♪ Stickiness, oh, stickiness ♪♪

[Telephone rings]

[Sticking]

Everything sticky.

Yes, yes, we're open till : at night,

'Cause after that I gotta go make biscuits for my family.

All right. Bye bye now.

[Sticking]

Yes, could you help me, please?

I hope so. What seems to be your problem?

You see, my baby pouch

Is very, very, very loose,

And my baby keeps on sliding out.

She keeps on sliding out.

Now, that's a problem. Let me see your baby.

Come here, little fella. Be careful.

Hey! Hey, there, little fella.

Let me get it.

All right.

[Speaking foreign language]

There he is. Oh, look out, little baby.

There you go.

That baby's stuck tight.

Wonderful. Thank you for the sticky.

No problem. You have a sticky day, now. All right.

♪ Everything sticky

♪ Sticky, sticky ♪

Oh, I love it. It's art.

Hi. Listen. I know this is a long sh*t,

But do you have any sticky fish?

Sticky fish. Sticky fish!

Oh, let's see.

Oh, we got a sticky bass.

And a sticky salmon.

Mmm.

And a sticky halibut. Which one you want?

Oh...mmm...uh... Oh, I'll take the sticky halibut.

There you go. Let me ring that up for you.

Hey, do you carry gift items that, like, aren't sticky?

What?!

Well, you know, like a regular gift item,

But that's not all sticky.

Is this some kind of a sick joke?

No, really. I just want to buy something

That's not all sticky.

That's it!

Get outta here! Get on outta here!

The sign says everything sticky!

b*at it before I call the cops.

sh**t. Did you hear that?

What kind of a world do we live in

Where a kid can just walk into a store

And ask for an item that's not sticky?

It's a messed-up world.

Sad. It's sad!

Well, look. That'll be . For the sticky halibut.

Oh, fine. Here you go.

Thank you very much.

See you next time.

Oh, hey. Have a sticky day.

Always.

♪ Stickiness, oh, stickiness ♪♪

Hey, ron. Keep the car running.

Uh-oh, it's gonna be a hard one.

Oh, ow. Hey!

Give me all the money in the cash register, and no one gets hurt.

Oh, my! Please don't hurt me.

I'll give you all the money I got.

All right. Put it in the bag.

O.k., I'll put it in the bag. Hurry up!

O.k., I'm hurrying. Come on, now.

All right. There you go.

Thank you, grandpa. See when I see ya.

[Feet sticking]

Aaaagggghhhhh!

What's the deal?

I'm--i'm stuck. I'm...

There he is.

Uh-oh.

Cuff him!

Oh, man. I'm caught.

Looks like you picked the wrong place to stick up.

Thank you very much.

Oh, yeah, that's real funny.

This ain't the right place for you to rob.

Boy, I go to church!

That's why good things happen to me, boy.

I'm runnin' the sticky store,

Makin' hog jowls with my family tonight,

Hey, clavis! Wake up.and everything's gonn

The show's over.

Oh, yeah. Kick it!