MTM 313 - Operation: Lou

[hapsullivan]

[Lou Grant's office ]

Lou: Mary, see you a second?

Mary: Uh, yes, Mr. Grant.

Lou: Mary, I'll be leaving shortly on my vacation. While I'm gone I want
you to take over.

Mary: Sure, Mr. Grant, but, uh... [Rings] Mr. Grant's office.
Just a moment, please. I'll check. It's a Dr. Bundy's office.

Lou:Oh, yeah... No, no. I can't talk now. Tell 'em I'll call him back.

Mary: Can Mr. Grant call you back? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Lou: Don't take a message. I'll call him back.

Mary: Oh. Uh, yes. I'll give him that message. Thank you.
Mr. Grant, you're not going on vacation. You're going to the hospital.

Lou: - Just give me the message.

Mary:- The message is, you are going to the hospital!
The doctor said he got you the private room And he'll meet you at
st. Matthew's at 7:00.

Lou: Thank you. Now, Mary, I know you've never
been fully in charge here before, but...

Mary: Mr. Grant! Hmm? Is it serious?

Lou: Oh, just an old piece of shrapnel.

Mary: Shrapnel?

Lou: World w*r 2.

Mary: W-was it bad? I mean, where were you wounded?

Lou: Let's just say France.

Mary: That had to be over 30 years ago. Why do you need the operation now?

Lou: I don't know. I guess it shifted around, and
now it's in sort of a funny place, And the doctor thinks
he oughta get it out. - It's really minor.

Mary: - Why didn't you say anything until now?

Lou: Because I don't like a lot of sympathy.
I don't want the cards. I don't want the
flowers. I don't want the death watch.
So please don't tell anybody.

Mary: N-not even Murray?

Lou: Murray's okay, but don't tell Ted.
Definitely not Ted.

[Ted hears his name and walks in.]

Ted: "Definitely not Ted" what?

Lou: Uh, I, uh...

Mary: Well, we were just discussing, uh, the budget problems,
And I was asking Mr. Grant whose salary we could cut.
- And he said, "definitely not Ted"?

Lou: - Right.

Ted: Thanks, Lou.

Lou: Let's go on out. I got an announcement to make.

[Lou and Mary enter main newsroom]

Lou: All right, everybody, just a brief announcement.
I am leaving today on a week's vacation.
While I'm away, Mary will be producing the show.
Now I have complete confidence in her.
I want you to treat her just like you treat me...
With respect, trust... And a certain amount of fear.
See you guys in a week.

Mary: Mr. Grant. Take care. Everything's
gonna be all right. Right.

Murray: Have a nice time, Lou.

Lou: Thanks.

Ted: - Where you goin', Lou?

Lou: - St. Matthew's.

Ted: That's a great place. I hear the beaches there are terrific.
Don't forget to send me a postcard. Right.

[Lou exits. Phone rings]

Mary: Newsroom. Oh, well, you'll have to talk to the
producer about that. Hold on just a minute.

[Mary put caller on hold. Realizes she is producer. Clears throat.]

Mary: [In a Low voice] Hello.

[Mary is at the hospital. She is carrying flowers. She knocks on Lou's door.]

Mary: Hi, Mr. Grant.

Lou: Hi, Mary.

Mary: I want to apologize for the flowers. I know you hate this kind of thing.

Lou: Yeah, I do.

Mary: Well, it's a hospital, and coming in empty-handed just...
It seemed wrong.

Lou: That's okay. Forget it. What do you got in there?

Mary: A chocolate malt. The last time I was in the hospital,
All I could think about was a chocolate malt.

Lou: You see, Mary, that's the difference between you and me.
Since I've been in this hospital I haven't
once thought about a chocolate malt.
How are things at the station?

Mary: Fine. There is one thing though. I did as you asked.
I didn't tell anyone except Murray that you were coming...
Good. To the hospital, directly.

Lou: What do you mean, "directly"?

Mary: Well, Ted overheard.

Lou: Oh, Mary!

Mary: He insisted on coming with me.

Lou: Where is he then?

Mary: Well, he's down the hall. He stopped to sign an autograph.
Might take him a while though. He was still explaining who he is.

[Ted walks in.]

Ted: Ah. You big lug. Telling everybody you were going on vacation...
When you're going into the hospital. Isn't this big lug
something else? Didn't wanna worry his old
friends. How you feeling, you big lug?

Lou: Suddenly worse.

[Ted wheels in a TV ]

Ted: I thought it might cheer you up after the operation...
To watch the news, so I got you one of these.

Mary: Oh. Listen, I have to be going. I have a date.
I just stopped by to give you the... And the...

Lou: And the... Thanks, Mary.

Mary: Ted, we'd better be going.

Ted: No, I'll stay for this shift. There's still two and a
half hours yet for visiting.

[Lou groans]

Mary: Ted, you came with me. How are you gonna get home?

Ted: That's all right. I'll take a... Cab.

Mary: I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Grant.

Lou: Bye. See you, mar.

Ted: Well, what are we gonna do now, Lou?
What do you say we watch tv? Let's turn on the old tube
and watch Cronkite goof up.

Lou: I don't think so, Ted.

[Ted presses the remote control. The TV does not turn on.]

Ted: What's wrong with this remote control?

Lou: That's for my bed.

Ted: Oh! Hey!

Lou: Ted. Ted.

Ted: Hey, isn't this fun?

Lou: Ted. Ted!

Ted: Oh. I'll tell you what. [Clears throat] let's
just sit and talk.

Lou: Ted, I feel sort of tired. I'd like to be alone.

Ted: Oh. Well, then, you know what I ought to do? I oughta leave.

Lou: That'd be nice.

Ted: If you need any blood, don't worry.
I checked... You and Mary are the same type.

[Ted leaves.]

[Next day. Newsroom. Telephone Rings]

Mary: Newsroom. Oh. Well, is the crew there already?
Uh-huh. Just a second. Let me check.
Okay, send the crew to councilman
Davis's news conference instead. Right. Bye-bye.

Murray: Boy, you've really got things under control.

Mary: Well, so far, so good.

Murray: You're doing everything just like Lou, but prettier.

Mary: Aw.

Murray: Except for one thing. You haven't checked my copy.

Mary: Oh, hey, come on, Murr.

Murray: No, I insist. It's your job to go over my copy.
Even though you won't find anything wrong.

Mary: Oh, Murray, I...

Murray: Go ahead, kid. You could use the experience.

[Pen squeaking]

Murray: What's that?

Mary: Oh, just, uh, spelling.

Murray: Just... [Chuckles] oh, yeah. I transpose those
e's and i's all the time.

Mary: Oh. Well, it's "i" before "e," except
after "c."

Murray: Thanks for catching it.

[Squeak]

Murray: Spelling again, huh?

Mary: Yeah. You spelled "principal" wrong.
You wanna know a good way to remember?
The principal of your school is your pal... p-a-l.

Murray: Nice. Nice.

[Squeak]

Murray: - Misspelling again?

Mary: - Oh, no, no. I just... I don't know, it seems to me that
calling a fire a "raging inferno"... Is, well, you know, used a lot.

Murray: And what did you change "raging inferno" to?

Mary: Fire.

Murray: And that isn't used a lot? Terrific.
Why didn't I think of that?
Calling it a fire. F-i-r-e. Fire.

[Cut to hospital. Murray is talking to Lou.]

Murray: Did it hurt when they took that shrapnel out?

Lou: Not as much as when it went in.

[Mary enters]

Mary: Hi. I brought you flowers again. I'm sorry.
I just... I don't know. I don't seem to be able to help it.

Lou: - Hello, Mary.

Murray: - Hello.

Mary: Hello. So, how's every...

Murray: Well, Lou, I think... Uh, well, um, i, uh,
I'd better get going. I'm glad you're feeling okay.

Lou: Thanks for coming by, Murray.

Murray: Bye, Mary.

Mary: Bye, Murray.

Mary: - So, how are you feeling, Mr. Grant?

Lou: - Pretty good.

Mary: Oh, I'm glad. And I promise that's all
the sympathy you're gonna get out of me.

Lou: - No more? - Good. Say, what's with
you and Murray?

Mary: Uh, Murray? Nothing. Everything's just fine.
Is there anything I can do for you?

Lou: No, you've already done enough for
me by not bringing me a chocolate malt.

Mary: Oh.

[Ted enters]

Ted: Hiya, Lou. Hiya, Mary. Lou, I was talking to some
of the nurses down the hall. You're gonna live.

Lou: But I do get tired easily, And I shouldn't see
people for very long.

Ted: Mary, maybe you'd better...

[Nurse enters]

Nurse: How are you feeling, Mr. Grant?

Lou: A little better.

Ted: He's fine. He's gonna be all right.

Nurse: We know. Mr. Grant, it's time for your sh*t.

Mary: Oh, well, listen, I've gotta be leaving anyway.
Uh, I'll see you tomorrow. All right. Bye.

Lou: Bye, mar. Wait a minute. Listen, I'd rather not have
That sh*t when there's a woman in the room. I mean you.
Why don't you just leave that here and I'll give it to myself later?
Really, I know how. I was with the associated press in Detroit.

Nurse: I'll come back later.

Lou: Oh, fine.

Ted: Lou? Here's a little something I picked up for you.

Lou: Ted! This is great scotch!

Ted: The best. Top of the heather. Aged 22 years.

Lou: You know, I've always wanted a bottle of this.
Who gave it to you?

Ted: Nobody. I went to metropolitan liquors and
Asked the man for the very best scotch he had.

Lou: Ted, th-this isn't like you. You really went all out.

Ted: Well, when your best friend's in pain, you can't do too much.

Lou: Best friend?

Ted: - Yeah.

Lou: - I'm your best friend?

Ted: Yeah. I thought you knew that, Lou.

Lou: Ted, I holler at you a lot.

Ted: - No, you don't.

Lou: - Yes, I do!

Ted: No, you don't. There's Ted Baxter the newsman
and Ted Baxter the buddy. You don't yell at
me, you yell at him.

Lou: Ted, let me ask you something.
If I'm your best friend, who's your second-best friend?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe... Murray or Mary.
[Clears throat] it's, uh... I don't know. It's,
uh, hard to say. Well, I guess I'd better
be running along.

Lou: Ted?

Ted: Yeah.

Lou: Why don't you stick around and have some scotch?

Ted: I guess I can spare a few minutes.

Lou: You wanna pour?

Ted: Okay.

Lou: Ted, boy, your coming down here...
And the scotch and all, It's... It's really something I appreciate.
Ted: Here's to a speedy recovery.

Lou: Thanks.

Ted: You never told me how you got that injury, Lou.

Lou: Mmm, what's to tell? It was world w*r 2. France. A grenade.

Ted: Those rotten nips.

Lou: Krauts.

Ted: Oh. [Laughs] Well, uh, what'll we do now, Lou?
Say, would you like to play some cards?

Lou: No, I don't feel quite up to that.

Ted: I'll read to you. What if I read to you?

Lou: Well...

Ted: Hey, this looks pretty good.

Lou: Mmm?

Ted: "The world of health." Now you just relax.
"The world of health, published by Adirondack Publishing Company,
4817 North 'M' street, Syracuse, New York."

Lou: Ted, I think you can skip that part.

Ted: Okay. What do you say we skip right over to the table of contents?
What sounds good to you? "Tooth enamel: how to give it the brush,"
Or "the many myths about pancreatic fluids"?

Lou: Oh, I don't know. Uh, what's that article about tooth enamel?
That sounded kind of interesting.

Ted: Really? Here it is right here.
"For centuries, "Man has known of the miraculous
properties of tooth enamel. But not until recently was the
evolution of these properties... Fully comprehended.

[Cut to newsroom. Lou's office.]

Mary: Murray, I think that one of the reasons you and I are having problems...
Is because we're both concerned about which one of us is the boss.
And, Murray, it doesn't matter to me which one of us is the boss.

Murray: Mm-hmm.

Mary: Okay, you're upset because I've been checking your copy.

Murray: Not checking, Mary. Changing. You've been...
You've been arbitrarily changing everything I've written...
With a squeaky magic marker.

Mary: Well, Murray, maybe it looks arbitrary to you,
But it certainly isn't arbitrary to me.

Murray: I think I know more about this than you.
I have been writing copy for 17 years. You've only been checking
it for four days.

[Phone rings]

Mary: I am just trying to do what I think is right.
Mr... M... Uh, my office. Hi. Yeah, he is.
Hang on just a second. It's Marie.

Murray: Thank you. Hiya, honey. What? Oh, great. Yeah.
That'll be fine. I'll stop by the store and pick up some logs,
So later we can sit in front of the, uh, raging inferno.
Yeah, about 7:00. Bye, honey. [Sighs] now, as
you were saying...

Mary: Okay, look, maybe, Unconsciously, I have been
a little, you know, bossy. But honestly, it's just because I'm trying
to do a good job of running this office.
You know? And part of that job is being the boss.
I mean, you could just as easily be sitting behind that desk,
And I could just as easily be sitting...
- You know what I mean.

Murray:- Sure.

Mary: Aw, come on, Murray. You don't understand at all.
Couldn't we just sit down and talk this out?

Murray: Okay.

Mary: Listen, I think that part of...

[Ted enters]

Ted: Oh. [Clears throat] excuse me, mar.
I just wanted you to know I just got back from the hospital.
Everything's gonna be hunky-dory.
Lou's checking out tomorrow.

Mary: Oh, gee, that's good.

Ted: Gettin' chewed out by the boss again, huh, Murr?

[Hospital.]

Nurse: All ready to go, Mr. Grant?

Lou: Uh, yes, sister. Mm-hmm.

[Nurse finds empty bottle of scotch.]

Nurse: Oh! Aren't you forgetting this?

Lou: What? Oh.

Nurse: This explains a lot. The nurses have been wondering why
you've been turning down the painkillers.

Nurse: Oh, by the way, I brought you this. It's the little piece of
shrapnel that they cut out. Good-bye, Mr. Grant. Stay well, now.

Lou: I think I will. People seldom throw grenades at me now.

[Lou throws bottle on the bed.]

Ted: Don't you want that, Lou?

Lou: I've had it.

Ted: You're not gonna leave it here, are you?

Lou: You want it?

Ted: Can I? It's yours. From one friend to another.

[Ted hugs Lou.]

Lou: Ted... Ted, I-I'm not what you'd call a physical person.

Ted: You're one heck of a man, Lou. One heck of a man.

[Nurse comes in with wheelchair]

Nurse: Okay, Mr. Grant, in we go.

Lou: - Do I have to?

Nurse: - Yes, Mr. Grant. It's the rule.

Lou: [Mutters]

Ted: I'll do this, nurse. You all set, Lou? Mm-hmm.

Lou: Why is it I suddenly feel like solving a crime?
[Reference to TV show called Ironside with Raymond Burr.
Ironside was on TV at the same time as MTM]

[Cut to newsroom. Lou's office.]

Ted: Hi, buddy.

Lou: Hi, Ted.

Ted: Boy, it's great to see you back where you belong.

Lou: Well, thanks, Ted.

Ted: Here you are, old buddy.

[Ted hands him a paper bag.]

Lou: What?

Ted: Little memento of those good old days in the hospital.

Lou: Oh. Ted, that was very thoughtful of you. What is it?

Ted: It's a paperweight thing. Had it made.
See? There's the piece of shrapnel.

Lou: Huh!

Ted: And the calendar with the day when you had the operation.
And the hospital i.d. bracelet.

Lou: Oh!

Ted: I didn't have time to have it inscribed yet.

Lou: Boy... Ted, this is really something!

[Mary and Murray walk in]

Mary: You wanted to see us, Mr. Grant?

Lou: Yeah, I did.

Ted: I'll just run along. I'll get this inscribed.

Lou: Ted. That was very thoughtful.
Very thoughtful and a heck of a surprise.

Ted: There's a bigger surprise coming later.
This is just one of those little things one pal does for another.

Lou: Thanks, Ted.

Lou: He's really a terrific guy.

Murray: Ted?

Lou: No... No, really. Y-you don't know him like I do.

Mary: Y-you wanted to see us, Mr. Grant?

Lou: Yeah. I watched the show last night,
And I'd like to know how an associate
producer who's been around for two years...
Can get things so fouled up.

Mary: Well, uh, Mr. Grant, I...

Lou: Explain to me why, while I was hearing Ted's voice...
Describing the arrival of the new
water buffalo at the Minneapolis zoo,
I was watching film of the
vice-president returning from his trip...
And Ted's voice saying,
"And here's the big ox now, lumbering
down the ramp with his handler."

Mary: I know, Mr. Grant.

Lou: You know that you have to check to make
sure the films and the narration match.

Mary: I'm sorry. You see... Ah, sorry.

Murray: Mary. It wasn't her fault.

Mary: Murray, it's okay.

Murray: No, it isn't. She did a good job, Lou. Well, you did.
And, look, I'm sorry about all this.

Mary: Hey, listen, me too.

Murray: I really am. Look, she was just covering for Ted, Lou.

Lou: Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Listen. I think it's time...
We stopped blaming Ted... For all our goof-ups.

Mary: Our goof-ups?

Lou: That's right. That's right. I think we've used
him as the scapegoat long enough.

Murray: Scapegoat?

Lou: Scapegoat!

[Telephone Rings]

Lou: Lou grant. Yeah? Terrific. Terrific.
All right, get a... Get a crew right over there.
If we hurry, we can get it on. Go on!
Talk about the old grant luck. And on my first
day back.

Mary: What is it?

Lou: The police have four holdup men
trapped in the bank across the street.
Right across the street!
If we hurry, we can get it on film
and be the only station in town to do it!
What a welcome-home present.

[Later in the newsroom.]

Mary: How's it coming, Murray?

Murray: It'll be just a second.

Lou: How's the film?

Mary: The crew said they got great stuff.

Murray: Well, I hope Ted can handle that.
I didn't have time to make all the words simple.

Lou: Knock that stuff off about Ted, Murray.

[Lou turns on TV.]

Ted's Voice: The industrials are up three
points. Rails are up one and a half.
Volume on the New York Stock Exchange was 13,250,000 shares.

Lou: - Here it comes.

Ted: - I've just been handed this bulletin.
But it'll have to wait.

Lou: What?

Ted: I have something that's more important
than any bulletin could possibly be.

Mary: What could be more important?

Ted: I'd like to devote the closing two
minutes tonight to a special tribute,
A tribute to a heck of a guy.

Lou: What's he doin'? Read the bulletin!

Ted: And who is that heck of a guy? Lou Grant,
A guy I'm proud to call my friend.
Lou Grant is back on the job
tonight, and we're all the richer for it.
For you see, Lou Grant happens to
be the producer of this newscast.
Lou was in the hospital this past
week for a delicate operation.
It was touch-and-go for a while...
As a team of dedicated surgeons
went about removing this...

[Ted shows paperweight]

Ted: From his body. Yes, Lou grant spilled his blood...
On the battlefields of France...
So that we might all be free.

Lou: I'll spill his blood.

Ted: Lou grant did his part for America.
He gave everything he had fighting the axis menace.
And now it's time for us to do our part.
I, personally, as of this moment,
am boycotting sauerkraut, bratwurst and wiener schnitzel.
and I urge you to do the same.

[Lou runs out of room]

Ted: Now, many people may be saying, "Big deal, Ted.
You don't like the stuff anyway."
Well, that's true. But the point is,
It's the thought that counts.
So, what do you say,
Mr. and Mrs. Twin cities?
It's your turn to stand up and be counted.
Don't do it for me. Do it for Lou Grant.
And yourself. Oh, here he is now.
Welcome back, Lou...
Good news and good night!

[A couple of minutes later. Lou and Ted enter newsroom.]

Ted: Why'd you pull me off like that?
I had 30 seconds of tribute left.

Lou: Ted, get in my office. Ted, get in there...
And stay there until I come in.

Ted: Yes, Lou.

[Ted goes into the office.]

Lou: I think you two better get outta here.

Mary: Mr. Grant, don't you think you oughta
cool off a little before you talk to Ted?
Why don't you wait until morning?

Lou: - Mary!

Mary: - Good night.

Murray: See ya, Lou.

[Lou hesitates at the door to his office.]

Lou: She's right. Morning's better.

[Lou walks to to the exit door, turns off light, and leaves.]