07x04 - Spoof! (There It Is)

[bunniefuu]

Fame just rubs my nerves out.
That's not drag.

You'll be acting in Romy and Juliet,
and my favorite, MacBitch.

Head coach... head cheerleader is going
to be me, Laquisha Quian. Oh, f*ck.

In seven seasons, I've never seen
a car crash like this before.

Max, you are the winner
of this week's challenge.

[applause]

Pearl, you've been sleepwalking.

Wake up, Pearl.

Couldn't you sense that
it wasn't going right?

Nobody knew their lines.
I'm not gonna take their blame.

I don't want to hear
any g*dd*mn excuses anymore!

Kennedy Davenport.
Shantay, you stay.

Jasmine Masters. Sashay away.

-[Kennedy] Oh, lord.
-Home sweet home.

[Ginger] It's so quiet.
Jasmine gave us all that energy,

and it's not there anymore.

[Katya] So how did you feel?

You know, to do it against your friend...
it was hard.

It's bittersweet because
me and Jasmine are so close.

But I just have another chance.

Pop the corns and feed the children.

Pop the corns and feed the children.

Jasmine was just
a bad seed in the bunch.

Nobody wants to pop the corn
and feed the children. That's disgusting.

Let me pop this bunion and
have the kids feasting for days?

Are you kidding me?
Who thinks of this sh*t?

[Trixie] Pearl, did your life
flash before your eyes?

Yeah, you thought you were going home.

I don't know, it's crazy.
Usually I have a blast when I'm in drag.

But it was all about me walking
with my eyes half closed.

I thought I had bedroom eyes.

Pearl's been sleepwalking
through this competition.

Pearl has to get her head in the game
if she wants to make the top three.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race
receives a one year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

With our extra special guest judges,
Lucian Piane and Jessica Alba.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race
May the best woman, best woman win ♪

-[Trixie] Yay.
-Good morning.

Last week we got our asses
handed to us by RuPaul and the judges.

But we're ready to step it up
and kick this challenge's ass.

-It's a whole new day.
-It's a new hole day.

[alarm sounding]

[RuPaul] She done already
done had herses.

-Hey, ladies.
-[all] Hey.

To become America's Next Drag Superstar,
you need to rock out

with your schlock out,

because, honey,
no queen is unspoofable.

Take it from me. I am RuPaul,

the elusive chanteuse.

[laughter]

[Trixie and Katya] We're singing!

Hello, hello, hello.

[all] Hi.

You know in showbiz,
one day you're in on the joke,

and the next day,
the joke is on you.

So for this week's maxi challenge,
you'll be creating music video parodies

of one of my favorite artists ever!

-Me.
-[laughter, cheering]

[screams]

Working in three teams, you'll have to
write lyrics, record vocals,

and then sh**t your own
#PunnyOrDie music video.

I feel really good about this challenge.
I can sing, and comedy is what I do.

Now, to mix things up, I'm gonna leave it
up to you to divide yourselves into teams.

All right, go for it, now.

[chatter]

Honey, I am a singer,
so I get boom, boom, boom.

-Are we a team?
-Three people cling to me for dear life.

I want you on my team.
I go right to Katya because she's funny.

I look right at Fame because she can sing.
And I love Pearl, so that was our group.

-Well, I guess that leaves us three.
-Here, let's do it. Let's just do it.

Yay.

I've already been picked last
for teams twice, so who the f*ck cares?

Now, for this challenge,
you really need to straddle the world

of music... and comedy.

[laughter]

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

[Violet] Let's get to work.

I think this challenge is complicated.
We have to come up with new lyrics

to "Sissy That Walk" and then come up
with a music video. The pressure is on.

What if it's like, "Your face like chalk,"
and do really bad makeup or something?

[Violet] I mean, that's, like,
the obvious thing.

We can probably come up with better.

Hm.

Violet does have a tendency
to be sort of, uh...

...bitchy.

[Violet] We have to get
these lyrics really funny...

I don't want to rely on grossness or
sexuality. That's what people always do.

"I don't want to be raunchy or dirty."
Are you f*cking kidding me?

-Okay.
-We get "Dance With U."

I'm pretty confident that we can
make it into a funny parody.

I want to do
"I Want to Tan With You."

Let's think of a couple more options.
Well, maybe two more.

We could make it about raunchy,
dirty sex because that always is funny.

♪ Take my hand
I wanna touch your cock ♪

[Pearl] No, it's gonna be gross.

Give us a better concept
so we don't have to worry about that.

Well it shouldn't fall
on my shoulders just because...

-No, I get it, but, like...
-Thank you.

Pearl has really been falling short.

It's frustrating, because I'm on a team
with you. We have to pull each other up

or else your friends are going home.

[Miss Fame] We need to come up with
something. We're running out of time.

-Let's just do f*cking tan with you.
-[Miss Fame] Okay.

-Hello, hello, hello.
-[all] Hello.

-Hey, kitty girl.
-[all] Hi.

-I am very excited about this challenge.
-[all] We are too.

-Do any of you do parodies in your act?
-Rihanna's song. I turned it into "Suh,

burb and, and, and".

A little suburban gal number.

Ah.

Now, Kennedy, you were
in the bottom two last week.

Has that lit a fire under your tuchus?

-Oh, it definitely has.
-I have to tell all of you.

As the competition shrinks,
it gets stronger.

I'm expecting you all to deliver.

I had a shitty last challenge,
and Ru is expecting big things.

I have to shake it off
and keep my head in the game.

-Hey, kitty girl.
-Hi, RuPaul.

So are you fans of song parodies?

If they're clever. Sometimes they get
a bit raunchy and vulgar for me, but...

-Well, don't compromise your Christianity.
-No, Ma'am. [laughs]

-So, what song are you working on?
-"Sissy That Walk".

We want it to be a tie-in
to the top three from last season.

-What became of "Sissy That Walk"?
-"Get Ready to Clock."

Uh-huh.

Well, I cannot wait to see
what you have to offer,

-because I'm expecting a lot from you.
-Thank you, Ru.

-Hello.
-Hi, Ru.

I feel like Trixie is the leader
because I know you do a lot of comedy.

Turns out making fun of you
is a lot easier than I thought.

[RuPaul laughs]

She definitely thought of the concept.

-[RuPaul] What is the concept?
-[Pearl] "Tan With You."

-Four ladies who just love the sun.
-Overcooked, overgrown orangutans.

I love that. That sounds fun.

So now, with lyrics...
Are any of you lyricists?

We're comfortable to say,
"Not funny. We're not doing that."

I know, it's been
a little bit harsh over here.

Who is the most harsh?

All right.

Pearl and Fame are butting heads.
This is not a good sign.

-Hi, season seven queens.
-[all] Yes.

For today's maxi challenge,
we have to do a parody music video.

Our team is working with the talented
Lucian Piane, RuPaul's producer.

-So we'll start with...
-[violently clears throat]

-Katya?
-Huh?

-Have you ever been recorded before?
-Yeah, once before, and it was a disaster.

-Oh.
-So I'm gonna go with a weird drunk skank,

-I think.
-Ok, so that's your character.

♪ Feel the heat
on my sizzling meat as we hit the beach ♪

Okay, yeah, let's stop.

It's a great performance. I just think
that you're actually going too far.

-We need to get the words across.
-Okay.

Three Long Island Iced Teas, not ten.

♪ Gonna turn and burn
Gonna turn and burn and tan with you ♪

-All the way up. You're a little flat.
-♪ Tan with you ♪

-♪ Tan with you ♪
-♪ Tan with you ♪

-♪ Ahh! Ohh! ♪
-[Lucian laughs]

All right, calm down, Mariah.

♪ Grab some oil
I've got a place for you ♪

-You can't sing it up?
-No. I don't have it.

-Yeah, so...
-Okay, okay. We'll keep it down.

♪ I want to tan lights on now ♪

Was that wrong?

Every time I was on a team,
I've been with Trixie.

When we get into challenges,
I see her kind of buckle.

♪ When the sun gets high
I'm gonna lay outside at noon again ♪

Stop for one second. Let's try to find
what pitch you're gonna sing on.

-♪ Let's fry ♪ Can you sing up there?
-[Pearl] ♪ Let's fry ♪

-Up a little higher.
-♪ Let's fry when the sun ♪

-♪ is high ♪
-You come in after the downbeat.

You got that white boy timing.

[Miss Fame] You have to hear the sound.

You should be quicker. It sounds like
you're drawing them out over the b*at.

-♪ Come let's fry ♪
-♪ Come let's fry and we'll lay outside ♪

Oh, f*ck, sorry.

Get out of your shell, girl.

-What are you like onstage?
-I'm wild.

-I'm totally wild.
-So where is that right now?

Pearl and I are sisters. We worked in
Chicago before she moved to New York.

She's just extremely chill.

The way she talks, moves, everything.
But for drag,

she needs to get herself a fresh pair of
batteries or they'll say she doesn't care.

-Hey.
-Hey.

How are you doing?

We're gonna do a parody of the
"Sissy That Walk" video from last season.

Courtney is played by Max, I am Bianca,
and Adore is played by Violet.

-Cue track.
-[playback music]

♪ I'm so over this wishing
That b*tches were dead ♪

-I feel like you're a little nervous.
-Yeah, I am.

You know,
Bianca isn't really a singer.

That's an opportunity for you to
not sing him so much and make it funny.

♪ Die, die, die, die
Uh-oh, get ready to clock ♪

Nice. That was so much better.

♪ Paint myself up
Throw a wig on my head ♪

-Are you doing it up the octave or...
-I don't know. I haven't done this before.

-All right. Your timing wasn't great.
-I just went off your cue.

There's tension between
Lucian and Violet,

Violet has a tendency to snap at people
when they give hr constructive criticism.

-Hello, ladies.
-[all] Hi.

So Ru assigns our team
"Let The Music Play",

and that bitch is always getting paid,

so why don't we write a parody that's
all about the products that she sells?

-All right, here we go.
-[music playback]

♪ Here's a story of a star named Ru ♪

♪ A simple gal who started
Like me and you ♪

♪ But she bounced right back up
With an album and a t-shirt ♪

♪ Album and a t-shirt
Album and a t-shirt ♪

Well, uh...

Ethel Merman and Paul Lynde
had a love child

bursting forth from
Kasha's vocal chords.

♪ Hey, b*tches, I got paid ♪
[laughs]

Oh, my God.

Yay.

I don't know how exceptionally well
we did in that room,

but if we don't feel 100%, then we have to
make up for it everywhere else.

My voice was probably
the strongest of the group's,

but in a team, you have to worry
about other people.

Ain't no bad apple gonna rot my crop.

Turn the lights on now.
It should be like a...

maybe a... since we're up,
it's up, out, and then down.

Then people should drop back.
It'll have depth of field.

For somebody with almost no performance
experience, Miss Fame has a lot to say.

-Okay, so get into your last position.
-[Trixie] This is "Sunblock Down Girl."

This is where you end it.

No, we're coming back up from that.
We're coming up from down...

-We have to figure out the next move.
-Go ahead. What do you want it to be?

If you would get into the f*cking position
we could jump into it.

Calm your ass down.

-I am calm, you're not listening though.
-Then what are you trying to say?

-Go ahead, project.
-I'm trying.

What in the f*cking hell
is going on here?

[Miss Fame] We have too many chiefs
and not enough Indians.

It's going to be a disaster.

[RuPaul] Wow.

I'm totally having a flashback.

We recorded our track with Lucian. Now we
record the video with Michelle and Ru.

Okay, so listen, you kids can use
all the props you want to use,

including the pit crew, you just cannot
take off their Justin Case underwear.

[laughter]

-Okay, now think Adore.
-Party.

-Hey, Violet, did you cinch?
-No, I have a hog body.

Get it, girl.

♪ Try, try, try, try
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

-♪ I hope you trip, I hope you fall ♪
-[laughing]

♪ I, I, I, I
Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh ♪

Max looks like himself
with a wig on.

That's not great.

-So, Max.
-Yes, darling?

You've got to be more Courtney.
Courtney was manic in that video.

-With her... crazy eyes.
-Time for my crazy eyes.

I'm having a little bit of a struggle
with the characterization.

Courtney's a little bit harder
to make, uh, funny.

Whew.

-Wow, look who's here.
-Hi, ladies.

All right, so let's see
what you've got.

♪ Here's a story of
A star named Ru ♪

♪ A simple gal who started
Like me and you ♪

[laughing]

Kennedy has such a funny part. She's
putting her ghetto in. It feels so good.

♪ But it didn't take long
For her brand to really take off ♪

♪ Except for Drag U
Girl, that really was a rough spot ♪

Okay, let's cut it for a minute.
Cut, cut for a minute.

Now, what was that
Drag U lyric again?

What did you say about Drag U?

That was a rough spot.

All right, all right.

Yeah, it was one of my favorite jobs.
It did change people's lives, you know.

Bitch, my heart fell through my chest
to the basement.

We've already laid down the track.
There's no time to change this.

Oh, my goodness,
It's Tan Mom and all of her friends.

-Back from the Jersey Shore.
-Alright, here we go.

♪ Grab some oil
I've got a place for you ♪

♪ Out on the seashore ♪

♪ Feel the heat on my sizzling meat
As we hit the beach ♪

♪ That noon again ♪

♪ Come, let's fry
Where the sun is high ♪

♪ Gonna lay outside
At noon again ♪

♪ Put the sunblock down
I want a tan by sundown ♪

-♪ Melanoma ♪
-[Trixie] Is this me?

Cut. Trixie, why do you keep walking
in and out of the sh*t?

I thought, just record my phone thing
and be done with it.

Just stay in and model.
If you're not singing, just ham it up.

m*therf*cker.

Okay, you have some group choreography,
let's see that.

We also wanted to do a sh*t
where we're low to the ground.

After we do the group choreography,
let's get on the ground.

[Katya] Let's get props.

-[Trixie] Let's do it on the ground.
-When the time comes...

-Tick tock, time is ticking.
-We could roll like rotisserie chickens.

You want to try this, girl?

-All right, let's... cue the track.
-And the sn*pers.

[laughs]

[Miss Fame] Okay, okay.
Are we kicking feet?

The whole sh**t seems
a little disorganized.

[Miss Fame] Left, right.
Left, right... Oh, girl.

RuPaul and Michelle are going to think
we're a bunch of disorganized f*ck-tards.

-Let's work it out.
-All right, let's do it.

Today we're getting ready for our
all green Eleganza runway.

Everybody's just anxiously waiting to see
how it all turns out on the main stage.

Girl, I see all these pictures over here
with Sahara. How do you know her?

-Well, Sahara's my sister.
-Oh, "Davenport," duh. [laughs]

[chuckles] Yeah.

This was when we first
started coming out together.

Me and my sister, Sahara Davenport,
we met in high school,

and we shared a lot of
the same dreams.

[Kasha] Was it a big shocker
when she passed?

[Kennedy] Indeed it was. We just knew she
was in the hospital. Then she passed.

That was most heartbreaking for me
because I'm way in Dallas.

I had no money to go
to the funeral or anything, so...

-Isn't it the worst feeling in the world?
-That was, like, the worst.

That was my sister for real. If we'd come
out the same p*ssy, we would have.

Talking about Sahara, it feels good
to know that her legacy is still alive.

It's not just about me.

My family motivated me
to stay in this race.

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

♪ And what? ♪

Ooh, girl.

Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage, that color looks gorgeous
on you. You should wear it more often.

-Someone's got to show these b*tches.
-She bring it to you every ball.

And Drag Race super fan and super judge,
Ross Mathews. Welcome back.

Thank you. I'm here to butch it up
a little bit.

[RuPaul laughs]

And producer of my album Born Naked,
Lucian Piane is here.

-Hey, Ru.
-From musician to musician,

is this the first time
you ever used auto-tune?

[laughter]

And actress and co-founder
of the Honest Company,

Jessica Alba is here. Hey, girl. I love
the body oil. It smells like creamsicle.

-I picked out the scent.
-[laughter]

Welcome.

This week, we challenged our queens
to create "Rusic" video parodies,

and tonight, they're ready to hit
the runway dressed in... all green.

[RuPaul laughs]

Sorry about it, Michelle. [laughs]

Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.

♪ Now sissy that walk ♪

[RuPaul] Up first is Pearl.

-Pearl-aconda.
-[laughter]

[Pearl] I am slithering
down this runway.

Instead of wearing something that's green,
I'd rather be something that's green.

[Michelle] She's got a snake
that needs to be charmed.

[RuPaul] Thanks for the memories.

[RuPaul] Miss Fame. Green goddess.

-[Jessica] I love the shoulder pads.
-[Michelle] Those are her shoulders.

[Miss Fame] So I'm wearing this cosmic,
alien, galactic, green gown.

I've got my face painted for the gods
and I'm living for the fantasy.

-[Michelle] Lana Turned-Her.
-[laughter]

[RuPaul] Trixie Mattel.

-[Michelle] Domo arigata-ho.
-[laughter]

[Trixie] I'm giving classic beauty
married to Chinese feast.

Hold the MSG, but you will
be hungry again in an hour.

-[Michelle] She's been Shang-hi-ied.
-[laughter]

[RuPaul] Katya. Emerald City fashion week.

[all] Oh.

[Katya] I am in love with my look.
I'm sissying that leg.

I feel confident, I feel sexy,
I feel stupid.

[RuPaul] Yes, honey,
she is serving green legs and ham.

[RuPaul] Max. I think she went
too big with her cup size.

[Michelle] Her lucky charms.

[Max] I'm the three "A's". Antique,
androgynous, Antoinette, if you will.

[Jessica] She's a little bitchy.
It's a period piece.

[RuPaul] Jaidynn Diore Fierce. You know,
I was looking for camouflage

the other week
but I couldn't find it.

-[RuPaul] There she is.
-[all] Oh.

[Jaidynn] I'm giving them
bright neon, camouflage realness,

and I'm feeling it.
I ain't trying to hide that much.

[Michelle] She's got a sea-weave.

[RuPaul] Violet Chachki. Oh, wow.

-[RuPaul] V is for victory.
-[Michelle] It's also for vag*na.

That is the most perfect ass.

[Violet] Bitch, I am serving lime green
showgirl. I'm giving you ass, ass, ass.

[RuPaul] It's almost as if the road runner
were a showgirl in green.

-[Michelle] Meep meep!
-[Jessica laughs]

-[RuPaul] Kandy Ho.
-[Michelle] The chartreuse chanteuse.

[RuPaul] How green was my
valley of the dolls. [chuckling]

[Kandy] I'm just giving you
a sweet and sexy side of me,

and hopefully, that sweetness
stays in your mouth,

and you taste it all the way through.

-[Jessica] She's a hot Latina.
-[Michelle] My hair matches my dress.

-[RuPaul] Just the tip.
-[Michelle and Jessica] Just the tip.

-[RuPaul] Mrs. Kasha Davis.
-[Jessica] Cash Money Millionaire.

-[RuPaul] Yes.
-[Michelle] Opulence. She owns everything.

[Kasha] Mrs. Kasha Davis
wants to let everybody know

that she made some money in the red light
district, but it's her money nonetheless.

-[RuPaul] She put the "cash" in Kasha.
-[Michelle] Dollar make you holler.

[RuPaul] LaGuardia Newark Kennedy.

-[all] Oh!
-[RuPaul] She is playing her green card.

[Kennedy] I'm serving
with the utmost confidence,

because my hair is whooped
and b*at, my face is done,

and you cannot tell me nothing.

All that glitters is green.

[Lucien] How much did her hair
have to smoke to get that high?

-[RuPaul] Ginger Minj.
-[Jessica] Oh, she's cute.

-[RuPaul] Perky in pistachio.
-[laughter]

[Ginger] I am serving you
some leprechaun realness.

I look like a glamour toad
and I feel like a million bucks.

-[RuPaul] Not today, satin, not today.
-[Michelle laughs] Oh, my God.

♪ Now sissy that walk ♪

Welcome, ladies.
It's time to debut your videos.

First up, the parody
of "Dance With U."

♪ Grab some oil
I've got a place for you ♪

♪ Out on the seashore ♪

-♪ One more time or at a tanning booth ♪
-[laughter]

-♪ I want to tan more
-Feel the heat on my sizzling meat ♪

-♪ As we hit the beach at noon again ♪
-[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Come, let's fry where the sun is high ♪

♪ Gonna lay outside at noon again ♪

♪ Turn the lights on now ♪

♪ Melanoma, ow! ♪

♪ I want to tan, I want to tan, tan
I want to tan, tan ♪ [laughter]

♪ I want to tan, tan, tan with you ♪

♪ I want to tan, tan
I want to tan, tan, tan with you ♪

♪ Gonna turn and burn
Gonna turn and burn and tan with you ♪

♪ Gonna turn and burn
Gonna turn and burn and burn and burn ♪

♪ Gonna roast and toast
Gonna roast and toast and tan for you ♪

♪ Gonna roast and toast
Gonna roast and toast and toast ♪

♪ Turn the lights on now
Put the sunblock down ♪

♪ I want to tan I want to tan, tan
I want to tan, tan ♪

-♪ I want to tan, tan, tan with you ♪
-[laughter]

♪ Look at the skin, honey
Pass me the f*cking baby oil, bitch ♪

[laughter]

Oh, my God.

[applause]

Next up, the parody
of "Sissy That Walk."

♪ Paint myself up
Throw a wig on my head ♪

♪ I'm so over this wishing
That these b*tches were dead ♪

♪ Hear me talking
Constantly in my prime ♪

♪ Top three
All tea ego trip all the time ♪

♪ I hope you trip
I hope you fall ♪

♪ I hardly wear makeup at all ♪

♪ My hands don't reach
I'm just too tall ♪

♪ Sashay away
Sashay away ♪

♪ Try, try, try, try
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ I, I, I, I
Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh ♪

♪ Dry, dry, dry, dry
Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh ♪

♪ Dry, dry, dry, dry
Uh-oh, get ready to clock ♪

♪ Need help packing?
b*at it, queen ♪

♪ Party
Not today, Satan ♪

-♪ Courtney knows how to do sexy ♪
- ♪Cry, cry, cry, cry, uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ I, I, I, I
Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh ♪

♪ Bye, bye, bye, bye
Uh-oh, uh-uh-oh ♪

♪ Die, die, die, die
Uh-oh, get ready to clock ♪

[laughter, applause]

All right, last but not least,
the parody of "Let The Music Play".

♪ Here's a story of a star named Ru ♪

♪ A simple gal
who started like me and you ♪

♪ First she sold a wig and a lash or two ♪

♪ Absolutely ♪

♪ Now she hosts her show
And sells her perfume ♪

♪ But it didn't take long
For her brand to really take off ♪

♪ Except for Drag U
Girl, that really was a rough spot ♪

♪ But she bounced right back up
With an album and a t-shirt ♪

♪ And a t-shirt
Album and a t-shirt ♪

♪ Album and a t-shirt
To be a famous TV host ♪

♪ Be the hostess with the most ♪

-♪ Products ♪
-♪ Slapping your face on a candy bar ♪

♪ Let the world know you're a superstar
Then say, hey, yay ♪

♪ Hey, b*tches, I got paid ♪

♪ But it didn't take long ♪

-♪ For her brand to really take off ♪
-Only 32 years, girl.

-♪ Except for Drag U ♪
-♪ Girl, what Lady Bunny gonna do now? ♪

[laughter]

♪ But she bounced right back up
With an album and a t-shirt ♪

♪ And a t-shirt
Album and a t-shirt ♪

♪ Hey, b*tches, I got paid ♪

♪ Ain't nobody got time for that ♪

[applause]

You can re-watch the "Rusic" videos
at logotv.com.

Ladies, I've made some decisions.

[RuPaul] When I call your name,
please step forward.

Katya.

Jaidynn Diore Fierce.

Kennedy Davenport.

This week, each of you emerged
as the star of your group.

Oh.

But one of you really made a mockery
of everything I hold sacred.

Kennedy Davenport. Condragulations, you
are the winner of this week's challenge.

Oh, my God.

You will receive a three year supply
of essential family products

-from the Honest Company.
-They smell really good.

Thank you so much.

Miss Fame and Ginger Minj,

you're both safe.

Thank you.

The five of you may leave the stage.

Ladies, it's time for
the judges' critiques.

First up, Pearl.

About your character
in the "Tan With You" video,

you have to loosen it up, girl.
Come out of your shell.

We want more vitality and more energy
and more star power.

Are you a stoner, girl?

'Cause that's, like, the vibe I got.

There's plenty of girls here that take
their time "Coming out of their shell,"

but I feel picked on, almost.

-[RuPaul] All right, thanks, Pearl.
-Thank you.

Moving on. Trixie Mattel.

The idea of "Tan With You" is funny.

Were there big, butt-gusting,
knee-slapping, LOLs? No, but I liked it.

You are not standing out for me,

and I want to see some identity and some
flavor. I'm not getting that from you yet.

If you're gonna be the Comedy Queen,
you have to go all the way.

Don't let anyone else stand out.
You have to.

Next up, Max.

I do enjoy the look tonight.
I wish it was all green.

-It's a hint of green, really.
-Okay.

And I'm going to challenge you
to give us a look without gray hair.

All right.

I know there's not a lot of green, but I
just think it's so creative and so cool.

-Thank you.
-You were the weakest in your group.

Courtney Act is not easy to do.
She's not a big personality,

but I felt like you could have done more.

Next up, Violet Chachki.

Your tushy is so phenomenal.
It's just perfection.

-[RuPaul] Yes.
-It's so good.

Your Adore was quite good, too.

You could have done more besides
just the stomping and the open mouth,

-but again, more bigger. Now is your time.
-Right.

Thank you very much.
Next up, Kandy Ho.

Hola.

If you look around,
everyone has looks, concepts,

and I don't think
a pretty dress is enough.

You were on a team with three other
really big personalities,

and I wanted you to stand out even more.
You got lost in that challenge.

Next up, Mrs. Kasha Davis.

You walked out in that outfit,
and I love a schticky queen,

and it's a great twist
on the green theme.

[Michelle] So let's talk about the video,

this kind of sing-talk thing that you do.

♪ Oh, the wig ♪

You don't think you can sing,
is that where we're going?

What happened was, I think Bea Arthur
was inside me when we were recording,

and I was like, "There's the voice today."

We have something in common.
Bea Arthur was once inside me as well.

-Wow.
-[laughter]

All right, ladies,
I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage,
the judges and I will deliberate.

All right, just between you, me, and these
fierce drag jewels I'm wearing...

[laughter]

What do you think? Pearl.

She just kind of feels lazy.
And it's like, don't be lazy.

This is it.

I feel like it's nervousness.

-What would you tell her?
-Get your head out of your ass.

Work it out.

Trixie Mattel.

She says she is campy and dresses like it,
but I've not seen the personality yet.

I didn't really understand who Trixie was.
She was lost in the video.

I've seen many audition tapes, and hers
was one of the funniest I've ever seen,

but Trixie has yet to emerge as Trixie.

-[RuPaul] Max.
-You can tell how creative she is,

and you have to be intelligent
to be that creative.

I was a little underwhelmed
by this characterization.

She was worried more about being
the best Courtney Act she could be...

...instead of being
the drag version of Courtney Act.

Violet. Here's a queen who has studied.
She's really smart and 22 years old.

-Oh, I want to suck the life out of her.
-[laughter]

It's funny, because Violet
in the studio struggled a little bit

and then I saw the video and I was,
"Oh, my gosh, that's Adore."

I think she could have gone further
in the video, a little more over-the-top.

-[RuPaul] Kandy Ho.
-She didn't stand out in the video,

but she did a great job with the ad-libs.
That is what impressed me the most.

-Yes.
-But standing next to these other queens,

personally, it wasn't enough.

It seems like she's
really channeling glamour

and that's kind of it.

[RuPaul] All right, Mrs. Kasha Davis.

She did, kind of, blend in
a little bit too much in the video.

I don't know. I love her,

because she harkens back to
a different sort of age of drag to me,

-and as much...
-Why were you looking at me?

[Michelle screams]

-No, I specifically didn't.
-[laughter]

Silence. I've made my decision.

[whispering] Bring back my girls.

-What?
-[shouting] Bring back my girls!

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Violet Chachki...

...you're safe.

[RuPaul] Max...

...you're safe.

Mrs. Kasha Davis...

-...you're safe.
-Thank you.

Pearl,

you are a magical queen, but your
performance failed to charm the judges.

I'm sorry, my dear,
but you're up for elimination.

I felt really good about this challenge,
but who the f*ck knows anymore?

Trixie Mattel, you went
for the comedy gold,

but all we got was bronze.

Kandy Ho,

your video performance wasn't sticky,
and your runway look was not so sweet.

Kandy Ho...

-...you're safe.
-Thank you.

Trixie, my dear, I'm sorry,
but you are up for elimination.

Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me and save yourself

-from elimination.
-[dramatic music]

The time has come...

...for you to lip-sync...

...for your life.

[Trixie] I look over at Pearl.
I love Pearl, but I'm in it to win it.

I know the song like
the back of my man hand

and I think, I'm going out
kicking and screaming. Let's do this.

Good luck and don't f*ck it up.

♪ When I met you in the restaurant ♪

♪ You could tell I was no debutant ♪

♪ You asked me what's my pleasure
A movie or a measure ♪

♪ I'll have a cup of tea
and tell you of my dreaming ♪

[Kasha] Trixie's giving it her all.
She's showing some camp.

She's showing dance moves. She's working
the runway. I'm enjoying her performance.

♪ Feet, feet, walking a two mile ♪

♪ Meet, meet, meet me at the turnstile ♪

♪ I never met him ♪

♪ I'll never forget him ♪

I'm so torn because I feel like Trixie
deserves to be here more than me,

but the other half of me is, like,
"No, you get your sh*t together."

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Imagine something of your very own ♪

♪ Something you can have and hold ♪

♪ Just to have some dreaming ♪

♪ Dreaming is free ♪

♪ Dreaming, ooh, ooh, ooh
Dreaming is free ♪

[applause]

Ladies,

I've made my decision.

Pearl. Shantay, you stay.

-Talk to me, Pearl.
-[Pearl sobbing]

I just love her so much. I feel...
[sobbing]

All right,

you may join the other girls.

It's okay.

Trixie Mattel,

you are an amazing queen.

Keep on dreaming

and keep 'em laughing.
Now, Sashay away.

Thank you.

[applause]

Bye.

It's kind of embarrassing to be a comedy
queen and go home on a comedy challenge.

I had more cool looks, I had better jokes,
and I'm funnier than I was showing,

so that was a bummer, but I hope I get
to meet lots of fans who like what I do.

Condragulations, ladies.

If you can't love yourself, how in the
hell are you gonna love somebody else?

-Can I get an "Amen" up in here?
-[all] Amen.

All right, now let the music play.

♪ Take me u-u-up, u-u-up ♪

Bye!