02x19 - Lilly's Mom Has Got It Goin' On

[bunniefuu]

Y'all come back now, you hear?

Thank y'all for coming.

Great pta meeting.

That vegetarian
lasagne was delicious.

Ooh, and those
pork-free pork chops,

that's some good eating.

Ah... Ah...

Dang it, honey. Doesn't anybody

in California eat meat anymore?

That's a large
pepperoni sausage pizza

and a big old bucket
of bacon on the side.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you
guys want something?

Now, Lilly, that's what I
love about your mom...

looks like an angel

but eats like a truck driver.

Was that supposed
to be a compliment?

From him? Oh, yeah.

Finally, they're gone.

Dad, the next time
you host a pta meeting,

at least do it
out in the hot tub

so I can see Lilly's mom in...

The kitchen. Hey, Ms. T.

Warn a guy!

And he doesn't have
a girlfriend. Go figure.

Heather, I appreciate
you and Lilly staying over,

but y'all don't
have to stick around

and help us clean up.

Ah, you just want that
pizza all to yourself.

That is not true.

But I will wrestle you
for that bucket of bacon.

Why isn't he laughing?

The man don't joke
about his bacon.

Jackson, you could help
clean up, too, if you like.

I am helping.

Man, this chocolate
pudding tastes awful.

That's because
it's Mrs. Duvall's

fast-acting prune butter.

Why do they call it...

Excuse me.

Is it just me, or are they

actually starting
to like each other?

You mean like or... Like like?

I'll tell you, the best
steakhouse in L.A...

Jimmy's down on third...
One time I heard a cow say,

"when I go, just serve
me up at Jimmy's."

Like like. Like like.

Man, I haven't seen my mom

even look at a guy
since the divorce.

It would be so cool
if they started dating.

It would be even cooler
if they got married.

So, how about Saturday?

It's a date.

We're gonna be sisters!

What are we eating?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy! Oh!

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ hottest styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're
famous, it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you, but
no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double
like a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chillin' out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together,
and you know ♪

♪ that it's the best
of both worlds ♪

ooh. Make sure your
dad wears his earring.

My mom says it makes
him look like a pirate,

and she loves her pirates.

Perfect. He's always
looking for an excuse

to wear his puffy shirt.

Oh, tell your mom
to wear that dress

that she wore at my
folks' Christmas party.

She looked so ho...

liday-ish.

Very festive. I got to go.

Ok, that was gross.

But he's not wrong
about the dress.

True. After you, sis.

No, after you, sis.

Oh, tell her not
too much perfume.

And she's going to have to
keep laughing at his jokes,

even when they stop being funny.

And trust me,
that day will come.

Ok. Perfume, jokes,
Oliver's ho... liday dress.

You better write me a list,
and I'll write one for you.

Cool.

Ha ha ha! Buenos dias!

Guten tag.

Bonjour.

And welcome to
the wonderful world

of international relations.

Ooh! Ooh, good one.

Thank you, miss truscott.

It's always nice
to be appreciated.

Now, next week, all of
you will be ambassadors

of an imaginary country

as we try to resolve
problems peacefully.

Oh, this is going to work great.

Aye, and it certainly will

if everyone shows
that kind of enthusiasm.

Stewart, truscott,

the two of you are a
great joy to have in class.

Right back at you.

Why are we a great "joy"?

I don't know. Keep writing.

Something doesn't
look right, but what?

What could it be?

Hmm... maybe it's the annoying

little twerp staring
back at you.

Ha ha ha! No.

It's the sand around the shack.

It all just... I don't
know, blends in.

That's because
we're... I don't know,

on a beach.

Watch and learn, Jackson.

Or in your case, just watch.

Bring it in, Charlie!

Sand?

You actually bought sand.

This isn't just sand.

It's Costa Rican sand,
the finest in the world.

Feel it, smell it... Unload it.

Excuse me?

Remember to lift
with your knees.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, I'll lift with
my knees, all right.

Now this I'll be
happy to unload.

Let me go! Jackson! Put me down!

Oh, I'll put you down.

There.

Have fun hanging out.

Jackson, get back here!

You're the worst
employee in the world!

That's because you're
the worst boss in the world.

You wouldn't last a week
working for a jerk like you.

And you wouldn't last a week

managing a bonehead like you!

I bet you 50 bucks

you couldn't even
last a weekend.

You're willing to pay me


You are so on.

Fine. For the rest
of the weekend,

I'm Jackson, you're rico.

Now get me down from here!

Sorry... jackson.

Rico doesn't take
orders from you.

Get yourself down. Ha ha ha ha!

Jackson!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Whee, doggies!

It sure feels good
to be puffy again.

Yeah, yeah. You're
a regular puff daddy.

Ok. Let's review, shall we?

So she loves the Boston Red Sox,

hates when people
dress their dogs,

and her favorite ice-cream is...

Chocolate crunchy.

Not chocolate crunchy!
It's fudgie munchie!

Sweet niblets. How did
you get out of high school?

By doing my homework,

which is exactly what
you should be doing.

Ok. I'm sorry, pops,

but, I mean, it's
you and Lilly's mom.

That would be so cool.

No. I appreciate the coaching,

I know what you're trying to do,

but let's face it, I already got

the duds and the do.

Anything else
would be just unfair.

Ok. Remember, he
loves... car racing,

lynyrd skynyrd,

and those Japanese game shows

where people fall off logs.

I've never been so proud of you.

Ooh. Lipstick check.

How you doing?

We're very close.

Move your finger, honey.

Oh, right.

That is one beautiful dress.

That is one puffy shirt.

Drive safe.

Next stop... Sister town.

Bye, guys! Bye!

Man, Lilly, this is
harder than I thought.

If we just concentrate,
I know we'll figure it out.

I've gone over these
numbers 10 times.

Once you move
in, there is no way

all of our shoes
are going to fit.

Well... what are we going to do?

I guess I could give some away.

You would give
away shoes for me?

You're the best sister ever!

I know.

Hold on. I'm getting
a video message.

People of earth,
people of earth,

people of earth,
don't be alarmed.

It's Mr. Corelli!

Just a gentle little
reminder to all of you

that international relations
week starts on Monday.

So be prepared.

Francis, do you want
one fish stick or 2?

Not now, mom.
I'm on the computer.

Mr. Corelli, over and out.


the tartar sauce!

This explains so much.

Once we get our
parents together,

we have got to
get that man a date.

They're back! They're back!

I can't wait to hear
how the date went.

Me neither. Slow down,
slow down, slow down.

Give them a little space.

They'll let us know how it
went when they're ready.

Ok.

How'd it go? Great? Perfect?
Awesome? Fantastic? Tell me!

Fine. I had a wonderful time.

So did I. Let's go.

But...

The woman wants to
leave. Let's not stop her.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

What goofy thing did
your dad do this time?

My dad? How do you
know it was my dad's fault?

Have you met your dad?

Yeah, I have. And I've
also met your uptight mother.

My mother is not uptight.

Lilly, let's move it!

Oh, yeah, she's a
real ray of sunshine.

This is not her fault.

It's not my
daddy's fault either.

And I was going to
give up shoes for you.

Well, now... You don't have to.

Fine. Good.

Good-bye.

She is not uptight!

You know what? I
don't need a sister.

I like being an only child.

Hey, mouse, I got
a pimple on my back

I can't reach. Could you...

Let me go get my goggles.

Morning, daddy!

I made you breakfast.

Thanks, honey, but I'm
still not gonna tell you.

What happened last night was
between Lilly's mom and me.

And I respect that.

Really? So, why did you write

"please please tell me" in
little tiny pieces of bacon?

'Cause the full strips
would have taken up

all the room. Duh.

Sorry, honey. This
just isn't your fight.

You're going to
have to stay out of it.

Get your own darn breakfast.

Fine.

A woman insists on
paying half the check

and won't take no for
an answer. It's ridiculous.

That's why you're mad?

I said I'm not talking about it.

A man tries to be a gentleman,

and suddenly he's a cave man.

That's what y'all
were upset about,

just because both of you
guys wanted to pay the check?

This is so awesome!
I've got to go tell Lilly!

And daddy, you might want to get

the shells out of there.

I like my eggs extra crunchy.

Cave man.

She's the one that slapped down

that credit card so fast,

it got meat juice all
over my puffy shirt!

Lilly, I found out everything.

I know. I can't believe

they fought over
something so stupid.

I know. Now we
can still be sisters.

Yeah. All your dad
has to do is apologize

for not letting my mom pay.

Uptight mama's
daughter say what?

I said your dad just
has to apologize.

For what? Being a gentleman?

Your mother's the one
that needs to apologize.

For what? Asserting
her independence?

Well, she asserted it

all over my daddy's
little puffy shirt.

Well, he was being pig-headed.

He was being polite.

Haven't you ever heard
of southern hospitality?

Now get off my land.

Oh!

There, rico. That's
the last of the sand.

Happy?

Something doesn't
look right... Jackson.

But what? What could it be?

Oh, no.

Oh, yes. The new sand
does not please me.

Put it all back.

But I just spent 2 hours...

Unless you're willing to admit

that you can't take
what you dish out!

Never.

Hold up, Jackson.

Let me help you
with that. Oh, wait.

I don't help anybody
because I'm... Rico!

Oh. So you're rico?

Uh... yeah. And I'm
enjoying every minute of it.

Yeah? Well, I'm going to enjoy

every minute of
pounding your face in.

What?

You picked on my little
brother for the last time.

What little brother?

Oh, you remember,
don't you, rico?

The kid with the unibrow,

very similar to this
handsome gentleman.

I believe you called it
an "eye-eye-eyebrow."

What did you do?

Me? I'm not the one
who said, "bring it on"

when the kid told
you his big brother

was going to b*at
you up Sunday at noon.

Oh, well, look at
that. Right on time.

Wait a minute. He
set me up! He's rico!

You just love picking
on little kids, don't you?

It's true. He's a bad man.

Look out! Move!
Move! Move! Move!

Aah! Ooh!

Nobody does rico like rico.

Ha ha ha ha!

And then she was like, "uh!"

And I was like "what?" Chicks.

Hi, Oliver. Ready for
international relations week?

Oh, totally. My country,
okenland, is ready to rock.

We've got gorgeous
beaches, gorgeous girls...

And our main export
is love. Ha ha ha!

Good for you. Want to
hear about sarahtopia?

Not really.

Our national color is green,

we only use alternative fuels,

and our chief export is mulch

made from our
own waste products.

Do you have an army?

Good luck. No.

You won't be so smug

when your people get sick

of paying $18 for
a gallon of gas,

revolt, and hang
you by your thumbs.

Bye.

You're blocking my locker.

You're blocking my locker.

Why don't you show some
southern hospitality and move?

Why don't you assert your
independence and move me?

Ok. What are you two

arguing about this time?

Did somebody forget their
friendship week-iversary?

We don't have
week-iversaries anymore

because we are
no longer friends.

And this would
have been our 200th,

and Lilly would have
gotten that charm bracelet

she's been wanting. Oh, well.

Well, I don't need presents

from someone who
insults my family.

I insulted your family?

Thanks for admitting it.

I wasn't finished! Your
check-grabbing mother...

Your "me man,
you woman" pappy...

You know what you two need?

A vacation on the beautiful
beaches of okenland.

Wear a bikini,
get a free churro.

This isn't funny!
This isn't funny!

I said it first.

I can sing. Ha.

"I can sing. Ha."

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Welcome to the first day of
international relations week.

Today, 4 nations will
demonstrate world trade.

Which will they be?

Well, we have
okenland, sarahtopia...

Lillitania, and...

Somebody else, somebody else,
somebody else, somebody else.

Hello! Milantis.

Uh, you know, today
is a milantian holiday.

Banks, post offices
are all closed.

Please respect our tradition.

Yeah, her old
backwards traditions.

Then again, milantis
is always ready

to stand up for
what it believes in.

And those beliefs will be
tested in today's debate

over a big pile of fish!

Ooh! Sorry
they're a little ripe.

I'm on a teacher's salary.

Now...

You 4 nations border
the corellian sea.

Milantis has had an
excellent fishing season

and, holy mackerel,
owns all the fish.

What will you do to
get what you need?

Let's start trading.

Well, my country
harnesses the power of wind.

We could trade
you energy for fish.

Or I could just
give you the fish,

because in milantis,
that's the classy thing to do.

Well, in lillitania, we
don't take handouts.

We like to pay
for our own fish...

And half the tip.

It's not a handout.

It's a generous, loving gesture

from the people of milantis.

But I wouldn't expect you
to know anything about that

since you are
from lilli-tiny-brainia.

Well, at least my country

doesn't sound like
a cure for diarrhea.

I'll take the fish if
it gets me an "a."

At least okenland
isn't threatened

when someone wants to
buy him one little dinner.

We don't need you
buying us anything!

Lillitania is an
independent nation!

Milantis is a country
rich in tradition!

Now take the dang fish!

I don't want your stinking fish!

This one's mine.

Great.

Then this one can be yours.

Oh! Cold fish! Cold fish!

Just like your mother.

This one's for mom.

Well, this one is for dad.

Oh!

Lilly, chill!

Guys! I was going
to return those.

Don't be an idiot.
Just take the fish.

Hey, if she wants
to pay, it's her right.

You're stupid. Well,
her right is stupid.

That's pretty brave talk for
somebody without an army.

Who needs an army
when you've got an arm?

Oh, gross!

All right, that's it.

I want the fish, and
I want them now.

Next time, we're
trading cookies.

Guys! Guys! Can't we
all just get along? Ow.

Those were expensive.

Ew... Ew...

Ew... I smell like low tide.

Me, too.

Nuh.

Ha ha.

Don't make me
laugh. I'm mad at you.

I'm mad at you.

Flying fish. Flying fish.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

What are we doing?

Exactly what they're
doing in there...

Fighting someone
else's stupid fight.

Well, I'm ready
to stop if you are.

I got to be honest,

my dad can be a
little bit old-fashioned.

Yeah, my mom can
be a wee bit uptight.

A wee bit? She's a...

Lovely woman that
can fight her own battles,

just like my daddy.

Friends?

Practically sisters.

Help! I'm being att*cked

by sarahtopia! Aah!

♪ Life's what you make it ♪

♪ so let's make it rock ♪

Let's make it rock!

♪ Life's what you make it ♪

♪ so come on, come
on, everybody, now ♪

♪ let's celebrate it,
join in, everyone ♪

♪ you decide, 'cause
life's what you make it ♪

♪ life is what you make it ♪

♪ ooh, yeah ♪

Honey, you were on fire tonight.

I was, wasn't I?

I think it's because
I was so happy

Lilly and I made up.

Aw. I think it's really great

that you and my mom
worked everything out, too.

Yeah, I know. You think she had

a good time at the concert?

Rock and roll! Yeah!

A little bit.

Wah, wah!