02x05 - Robot Fight Club

[bunniefuu]

[ Grunting ]

Whoa.

All right, guys, gather up.

Today,
we are going to be studying

one of the most time-honored
traditions in Japanese culture.

Ooh!
Nun Chuck combat?

Samurai sword
fighting?

Wrestling ginormous
dudes in diapers?

We will be studying the great
martial art of aikido,

the key principle of which is to
deflect your aggressor's att*ck

by using his own speed
and strength against him.

Can we just get to the part
where I obliterate them?

[ Ringtone ]

I have to take this.
Uh, it's about money.

Which is not
more important than you,

but is a very close second.

Hey, Adam,
att*ck me.

Okay. Your hair is
stupid, you're short,

your face is weird,
you're weird.

I meant hit me.

Okay, good, because that was
going to be a really long list.

Wait, wait, wait.
Are you sure about this?

Adam is ten times
stronger than you.

Doesn't matter.

With aikido, a weak opponent
can defeat a much stronger one.

Ah, but what if
the weaker opponent

fits neatly into
an overhead storage bin?

I'm talking about you.

Just hit me.

Whoa!

[ Groans ]

And that's all you need
to know about aikido.

Oh, I get it.

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

Bree, that's not aikido!

Oh, really?
My bad.

[ Both grunting ]

[ Singsongy ]
Oh!

Chase, I need your help.

The annual mission creek robot
throwdown is coming up.

Leo, for the last time.
I'm not a robot.

I'm a man.

One day, I'll be a man.

I'm not talking about you.

It's a competition where remote
control robots fight to the death.

Here, take a look.

Leo, that's cool and all,

but I've got way better
things to do than...

The grand prize is $500.

And I'm in.

Yeah!

Who's that guy?

Kevin stone.

That smug jerk
wins every year.

He thinks he's so
much better than me.

Sounds like he is
better than you.

That's not the point!

So I was thinking...

That if the two
of us teamed up

and built a robot together
we could take Kevin down.

That's a great idea.
We'll make a perfect team.

I'm an amazing engineer,
a brilliant designer,

and the most intelligent
person on the planet.

And you...

Are the guy who picked me.

The world's first bionic
super-humans.

They're stronger than us,
faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

What do you think?

This is awesome!

Now all it needs are laser
cannons, flamethrowers,

and satellite radio so
we can pump up the jams.

Leo, this is why you
always lose to Kevin.

You rely on flash when you should
focus more on speed and stability.

Gotcha.

So where do you want
the flamethrowers?

Ooh, are you guys working
on a combat robot?

[ Squeals ]
Yep.

We're getting ready for
the big robot throwdown!

Mind if I take a look?

Sure.
All right.

All right,
very impressive.

Yeah, looks like you are
on to something here.

Can I make one
suggestion though?

Let me join your team.

I have made a fortune
designing stuff like this.

And if I am on your team,
you are guaranteed to win.

Fine with me.

Why not?

Yes!
I love robot competitions.

They really bring out
my inner geek.

Wow, so there's
an inner one, too?

Caitlin,
this is so boring.

Wouldn't you rather
go to a movie?

No.

Yogurt shop?

No.

Buy matching pink cars
and race across the country?

No.

Okay, Caitlin, what
is going on with you?

All you ever want to do is
hang out in my living room.

I guess I should tell you.

The reason I always want
to hang at your house

is because I kind of
have a crush on Adam.

Adam who?

Wait, wait,
my brother Adam?

Ew, Caitlin, no.

Why not?

Compared to my last two
boyfriends, he's an upgrade.

For starters,
he's real.

Okay, first off,
Adam's not here.

And second, this whole thing
is weirding me out.

Let's just go to the mall.

Will Adam be there?

I'm joking.

Sort of.
I'm not.

Just wait right here,
I'm gonna get my new jacket.

Back in a sec.

Oh.
Caitlin.

You're here.
Again.

Uh, Bree.

Did I just...

Yep, you did.

I gotta go.

But... no,
wait, Caitlin!

No, c...

Oh!

I cannot believe I just used my
super-speed in front of Caitlin!

I totally blew
our bionic secret!

Oh, great.

Now we're gonna have to move
far away and change our names.

Quick, what do you think
of "Adam Davenport?"

That's your name.

I know, I meant for chase.

I'm gonna be Steve Greenberg.

Hey!
Wha...

You completely
destroyed our robot!

That's not true.

Now it's true.

[ Laughing ]

[ Sighs ]

I'm stripping it for parts

because there were
some major design flaws.

Like what?

Well, for starters it smashes
way too easily. Watch.

See?

I can't believe
you would do that!

Guys, I'm just trying to help
you build a better robot.

I mean, after all,
I am a scientific genius.

I'm a legendary thinker.

I'm a man with hair
that just won't quit.

We don't want you
hijacking our team.

Look, guys,
you know how I work.

I don't like
sharing the spotlight.

I don't like
listening to others.

I'm a Maverick!

We've noticed.

That's why we're kicking you
off our team, Maverick.

What?
You, you're serious?

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Fine.

Stop! No! No!

Oh!

I love recycling drives!

Lots of barrels,
a gigantic tire.

Bree, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Probably not.

Duh!
Gigantic tire bowling!

Adam! That is not
why we're here.

It's why I'm here.

Just push me. And I know
what you're thinking.

But this is gonna work way
better than trash bag skydiving!

No. Adam. Stop.

We have to find Caitlin and stop
her before she tells anyone.

Okay, are you absolutely sure
she saw you super-speed?

Well, she won't return
my texts or calls.

And why else would she
have run off like that?

Maybe she saw a squirrel.

Always gets me running.

Hi, Caitlin.

What's going on?

Oh, uh, nothing.

Nothing at all.

I, uh, I... I... bottles!

[ Sighs ]
See?

She definitely knows!

We can't let her
expose our secret.

But maybe we can give
her something she wants

in exchange
for her silence.

[ Gasps ]

A hamster and
a strawberry pie.

Or...
There's a guy she likes.

Ah, I see where you're
going with this.

Maybe we can get him
to hang out with her

and then convince her she didn't
see what she thinks she saw.

Wait, see, saw,
carry the one.

Yeah, that tracks.

So, who's the unlucky guy?

You.
Huh.

Yu, the Japanese
exchange student?

Nice guy, I can see
that working out.

No, Adam,
she likes you.

Oh, no way,
I'm not doing that.

Caitlin's super weird.

Plus I'm not getting between
her and that Japanese dude.

I'll push you for ten frames
of gigantic tire bowling.

You've got yourself a deal.

Clear out people!

She's bowling,
I'm rolling.

Well, I'd say
put on a helmet,

but at this point
I don't think it matters.

Let's do this.
[ Pants ]

Whoa!

Really, Bree?
A seven-ten split?

Roll me back,
let's pick up the spare.

Next up, the competitor
who's taken home

the robot throwdown trophy
five years running.

Kevin stone, and his robot,
the merchant of menace!

[ Cheering ]

Yeah!

And finally, competing
together for the first time,

Leo dooley, chase Davenport,
and their robot, Josh.

[ Cheering stops, murmuring ]

Josh?

I didn't know the name
was supposed to be scary.

The name is
supposed to be scary.

Okay, let's get started...

Hold on.
We have one more contestant.

And he's asked us
to turn down the lights.

[ Music plays ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

please give it up for the
mechanic who makes them panic,

the robot freak
of mission creek,

the inventor with the splen...

Okay, I ain't
reading all these.

Here he is, Donald Davenport!

Is that...

It can't be!

Both:
It is.

Hey there, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

But I was really
busy building this!

[ Audience murmuring ]

Behold the predaraptor!

Complete with hydraulic
jaws of death!

Boom!
[ Blows ]

[ Laughing ]

If you are pregnant, elderly,
have a heart condition,

or are under the age of 13,

you should probably
go home now!

[ Audience cheers ]

Bet you wish we had
the flamethrowers now.

Hey, guys.

Hey, I got you something so you will
never forget your first robot throwdown.

"I got crushed by
the Davenport predaraptor?"

Not available in stores!

Announcer:
Okay, everybody.

It's time for robot throwdown!

[ Cheering ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Audience gasps ]

Announcer: I think this bot's
down for the count, folks.

[ Chuckling ]

It's a metal m*ssacre!

Ow!
That one's got to hurt!

Ooh!
There it is!

Oh, another one bites
the dust to Josh!

Whoo!

[ Laughing ]

Yeah!

Oh!

Ha ha!

[ Grunting ]
Oh!

[ Crying ]

Announcer: The predaraptor
takes down another one!

You just got preschooled!
Ha!

Oh! Yes!
Yes!

Team Josh advances
to the semifinals to take on

Kevin stone
and the merchant of menace!

[ Cheering ]

Hey, guys.

I really hope
you b*at him.

You do?

Yes. So I can destroy
you in the finals!

♪ You're going down
you're going down ♪

♪ you're going down
down, down, down ♪

Do I really
have to do this?

Hey, I just
tire-bowled a 250.

You're not
backing out now.

[ Sighs ]

Hey, Caitlin.

Ahh!

Whoa.

Just want to talk,

so you don't
have to freak out.

Freak out?

I'm totally relaxed.

So I was wondering if maybe you
wanted to hang out some time.

And trust me,
you don't have to say yes.

Yes!

You did just hear
that last part, right?

Hey, why just hang out
some of the time,

when we can hang out
all the time?

Starting tonight!

Oh, but I was gonna go to
the robot throwdown finals.

Uh, Adam, there are two of us
in this relationship now.

It's not all about you.

This is so exciting.

Now, I don't have
to hide behind trees

when I follow you home
from school every day!

And now it's time
for our second semifinal match.

The winner will
advance to the finals

and take on Donald Davenport
and his predaraptor.

That's me, everybody!
The t-shirt guy.

So...

[ Audience booing ]

Robots, take your starting
positions, please.

[ Cheering ]

They're circling,
feeling each other out.

The merchant
has Josh on the rope.

Oh!

Look at that bot
Bob-and-weave!

Now Josh has the merchant
on the ropes.

[ Cheering ]

Five time champ,
Kevin stone, is out!

Whoo! Yes! Yes! We won!

We won!
I can't believe this!

I can't believe this!

Hi.

Um, good match,
Kevin.

You are a worthy opponent,

and, uh,
a strong adversary.

Because I consider myself
a good sportsman,

I'll wait until
after you leave the arena

to laugh,
point, and gloat.

But I won't!

You lost!

Both:
We won! You lose!

We won.
That robot.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, great.

Caitlin's
an hour early.

[ Pounding on door ]

Caitlin: It's Caitlin!

I know you're in there!

I can hear your voices!

[ Pounding continues ]

No, sit down.

[ Pounding continues ]

Oh, hi.

Hi, Caitlin.

Can you leave?
I want to hang with Adam.

Yeah, sure.
Just wanted to say...

Now, Bree.

Right.
I'll go.

Good luck with that.

I brought five movies.

I hope you like
documentaries

about Polish nuns who
paint with their toes.

Look, Caitlin,
I wanted to ask you...

Yes, the answer is yes!

Look, I need to talk to you about
why you ran out the other night.

I think there was a misunderstanding
about what you saw.

What are you talking about?

I didn't see anything.

I'm like, totally blind
without my glasses.

Bree and Adam:
What?

Yeah, I wasn't wearing them,

because I was afraid
if you saw me,

you'd think I was a dork.

[ Laughs nasally ]

So why did you run out?

I got flustered when
I heard your voice.

Just like this
morning at school.

But that won't
happen anymore,

'cause I'm totally
comfortable around you now.

Love me!

Wait, are you kidding me?

I missed the robot
throwdown for this?

Lucky you, huh?

Wow, you must be feeling
the passion too.

Your eyes are really red.

What is that smell?

Uh, I was smoking a Turkey.

Can you help me find my glasses?

Uh.

Hmm, oops.

Found 'em.

Guess you better go home
and get some new ones.

Wait!
Out you go.

Just let me tell Adam...

I'll be right back.

Don't start the movies
without me!

Gentlemen,
take your starting positions.

It's time for robot throwdown!

And hurry this up.

I gotta get this suit
back to the funeral home.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[ Laughing ]

Whoa!

[ Grunts ]

Whoa!

Audience:
Oh!

Gotcha!

Whoa!

[ Donald laughing ]

I wish you guys had
built a better robot,

so your pain
would last longer!

Let's do this.

[ Grunts ]

[ Slow motion ]
No!

Yes! We did it!
Yeah! Whoo!

Both: Yes!
Donald: No!

It's all over!

Josh takes the trophy!

The robot with
the stupid name wins!

Yes!

Yeah!

Where's your t-shirt now?

Oh, ha ha,
very funny.

Very impressive,
guys.

How'd you
figure that out?

The principles of aikido.

We used your own momentum
and force against you.

So the students
school the teacher.

Very well played.

Thank you.

It takes a big man to say that.

But apparently,
a little man can too.

You do realize you're
shorter than me, right?

♪ He just went down ♪

♪ you just went down ♪

So, I think I finally
got Caitlin off my back.

How'd you do that?

With a tranquilizer g*n
and a crowbar?

Nope.

I just helped her realize
who her real true crush is.

Who?

[ Groans ]

Leave me alone!

Don't resist me,
bookworm!

Aw, he finally got a girl
to pay attention to him.

[ Sighs ]