05x13 - Strike One

[bunniefuu]

Heidi was really warming up to her new neighbors.

Oh, you're so good at the tennis!

But Spencer didn't seemlike he wanted any kids around.

- Go, Enzo! - Are you kidding me right now?

I tried to reach out toAudrina to clear the air.

Kristin texted me and wants to go to lunch.

But after she blew me off

I decided it was game on with Justin.

- What happens now? - I don't know.

I kind of like it though.

Now everyone was getting ready

to surprise Brody for his birthday

but I was the one who was about to be surprised.

Can't believe it's Brody's birthday.

He's gonna be , I think.

- Twenty six? - Yeah, which is crazy.

- It's insane. - Oh, thank you.

[Kristin] Happy birthday, Brody. Here's some sex toys.

What if we got him a collar and a whip

because he's so whipped on Jayde?

- Will you please put those on? - Will you put it on?

- I'll be Brody, you be Jayde. - Okay.

You can go out to erotic clubs and stuff in LA with this.

'Cause he's a dog. He's whipped.

- Oh, we need a whip. - We have to get it to match.

That would hurt.

- Are you serious? - I won't whip you hard.

- Just be gentle. - Okay.

- Ow! - Did that hurt?

What is wrong with me?

You have a collar on and I'm whipping you.

I want them to actually use this stuff though.

They're gonna use it.

Brody and I never used any of this stuff.

- You didn't? That boring? - No!

It was very, uh, vanilla, if you will.

Vanilla.

We're just gonna spice up their sex life a little bit.

It's a surprise party, by the way, so don't say anything.

So who are you gonna go to the party with?

I kind of wanna go with Justin.

We gotta get you some chaps.

Oh, God, no, no, no.

Bad boys like those dominatrix stuff.

♪ Don't you know if you go you'll go without me? ♪

♪ Don't you leave me as if you never cared at all ♪

♪ So say hey hey ♪

♪ Hey hey you are my everything ♪

♪ Just say hey hey ♪

♪ Hey hey I'm hanging on to every word that you said ♪

♪ A part of me will never be the same ♪♪

Hey. Looking good.

It's nice. You're not getting in?

- No. - No?

[Kristin] 'Surfing's not really for me.'

- You want a glass of wine? - Sure.

- Started early, huh? - 'It's never too early.'

It's the Italiana in you.

- Yeah, I like your tattoo. - Thanks.

- Did that hurt? - Yeah.

I wanna get two more stars on my foot.

You're kidding. Stars?

Yeah, I have one. I wanna get two more.

What, do you think you're a galaxy?

No, I just think they're cute.

Um, are you coming to Brody's surprise party?

- Who's setting it up? - 'Jayde.'

- Oh, cute. - It's adorable.

- 'We should go together.' - Okay.

'Let's get out of here.'

♪ I tr-tr-tr-trust you ♪

♪ To tire me out ♪

♪ I tr-tr-tr-trust you to tire me out ♪

♪ Can I admit that I'm a little bit sick? ♪

♪ Go with the thought of waking up downtown ♪

♪ When it all started with a purer plan ♪

♪ And a firmer ground ♪♪

I think I'm just gonna get a pedicure.

I want a foot massage.

You're gonna get a foot massage?

- Yes, I love foot massages. - You're fancy.

- You need to start coming out. - I know.

I mean, I'm ready to go out again.

'I just wanted to kind of, like, get my head straight.'

- 'After Justin.' - Yeah.

So do you remember me ever talkin' about Derek?

- Like one of my guy friends? - Your friend?

Isn't that Justin Bobby's best friend?

Well, it's, like, both of our friends.

I already know where this is going, Audrina.

Dude, Derek is so hot.

'Yeah, like, I ran into him'

and he wants to go on a lunch date.

Like, I don't owe anything to Justin. I don't care.

Like I'm friends with Derek, but I don't want to--

Wait, you need to give me the whole story

'cause right now, I'm thinking this is, like

some kind of form of revenge.

'Whenever we would hang out, Justin would get mad'

'cause he thought Derek had a thing for me.

He'd always tell Derek, like

"Oh, you and Audrina hooked up, didn't you?"

Have you ever kissed him?

He thinks, like, hookup, hookup.

But Derek's just a respectful, nice person.

- 'Not too nice.' - Yeah.

'Cause you get, like, bored of them.

I get it, but still, after everything you've been through

like, if another guy is all cocky, and, like--

No, no, no, I know what I want

and what I don't want, believe me.

♪ Go go go go ♪

♪ Yo yo I'm picking up the party ♪

♪ When I'm rocking it stupid when you're hearing this ♪

♪ For shine a super lyricist ♪

♪ And I'm a monster when I'm lifting up my boom box ♪

♪ Rocking from your new wave collar to your tube socks ♪♪

- Hi, guys. - What's up?

- Hi! - Hi.

- 'How are you?' - Hi.

- You look adorable. - This is a girl party.

- This looks really pretty. - No, it's not.

It's just colorful.

Brody doesn't know. He has no idea, right?

As far as I know, he doesn't know.

I'm surprised that everyone's managed to not say anything.

'Cause a lot of people know.

So is Justin coming?

Yeah, he should be here soon.

[Lo] 'Oh, there are all the boys.'

- Is Justin with them? - Is Justin coming?

- 'Uh--' - Kristin's here.

Are Kristin and Justin dating?

I think. I'm surprised they didn't show up together.

Okay, listen! Everybody...

Frankie, shut up! He's coming in one minute.

'We have a one-minute warning.'

W-w-wait! He's coming!

- Aah! - He's coming!

Everybody, on their knees!

Everybody, on their knees.

He better appreciate this. That's all I can say.

[female #] 'Hey, sit down, sit down.'

[all] Surprise!

I told her no surprises.

Happy birthday, Brody!

Happy birthday!

Are you kidding me?

[cheering]

Oh, my God.

I'm in shock.

Come on, Frankie, give me a hug.

- Bear hug, bear hug. - Aah!

- Oh! - Thank you. Thank you.

- I need some shorts. - Come upstairs.

[Jayde] 'I... We'll go get changed.'

Are you...

Oh, well, are you...

- Okay, we're both... Yeah. - I have a question.

- We can't be quiet anymore. - Ask it.

Are you dating Justin?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Really?

Why didn't you guys come together?

Are you guys, like, keeping it a secret?

- No. - Then where is he?

He's coming, I think.

[Brody] 'What are you guys doing sitting over here in the corner?'

- What do you mean? - What's going on?

Where's your man? Where's Justin?

♪ So I don't like your parties ♪

♪ And I don't trust your friends ♪

♪ And then I don't like the beer you drink ♪

♪ And I can't say ♪

He's got all the a*mo! Where is he?

[laughing]

Nail him!

♪ And we don't have the time ♪

Get him! Get him, buddy! Get Nick!

Get Nick! Here.

- 'Frankie!' - Ow!

[Lo] 'Oh, my God.'

- Are you okay? - Frankie!

- Sorry. - It wasn't me, it was him!

Be careful! You decked me in the face!

Hey, are you alright?

- Are you okay? I saw that. - Yeah, I'm fine.

[Brody] 'No, that was, that was bad. I saw it.'

[Stacie] 'Brody, it was very noble of you to come over here.'

I'm more upset that, like, half my hair is gonna get curly.

- 'Don't worry about your hair.' - You're not bleeding?

No, I'm fine, I'm fine. It hurt, though, like a bitch.

Where's your man? Where's Justin?

- I don't know. - What do you mean her man?

He's not her man. He'd be lucky to be her man, right?

- I love her. - One of, one of a million.

No, no, he's not that lucky to be your man.

This is my girl!

Yeah, can we open all these * * * presents?

You want me to open it for you to have some?

[Kristin] Happy birthday, Brody!

- Jayde, they benefit you. - Oh, sex toys.

You are, like... What is it about you and sex toys lately?

Hey, because we're getting deep into our relationship.

'Start getting freaky. You better watch out.'

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes!

It's for me to put on you.

- No, it's not. It's for me-- - Yes, it is!

No, I'm putting this on Jayde.

- Yeah! - 'No, no, no, no.'

[Kristin] 'Open the next gift.'

[Brody] 'These are great.'

- 'Aah!' - This is definitely for you.

'Because you're about to get a whooping, girl!'

You're the one that's whipped on Jayde

so those are for her.

Later, we are using this. You better watch out.

I'm gonna have an after party if you guys wanna come

at my Malibu house down the street.

That's an after party over there?

Yeah, come with us. We're gonna go right after this.

We need to take a little break.

Everyone needs to re-amp.

Everyone needs to chill, have dinner.

- What? - No, it's not...

[Brody] 'Come on and go with the flow.'

- We're all going. - 'Are you * * * serious?'

[Brody] 'Yes, I'm going!'

You're really gonna be a bitch like that?

'Hold on, hold on.'

'Where do you think you're going?'

'Jayde, no, no. Jayde, Jayde!'

'Jayde, Jayde! Jayde! Jayde!'

We don't care. Leave.

We don't care.

♪ I swear ♪

♪ To God that we've been here ♪

♪ Before ♪

♪ But we never looked away ♪

♪ She said ♪

♪ I've got the best-b*ating heart ♪

♪ In the world ♪

♪ And it makes her want ♪

♪ To twirl around ♪♪

- 'Hi.' - Hi.

- How are you? - It's so bright out here.

- Good. How are you? - Good to see you.

Good to see you.

[Audrina] 'Well, thanks for taking me to lunch.'

[Derek] 'It's my pleasure. I'm stoked to catch up.'

'So what's been going on with you?'

Did you have fun at the tool concert?

- Oh, God. - I didn't see you.

The whole show, and all of a sudden, I just

see this girl get up on, like, somebody's shoulders.

- That was me. - 'And it's you, yeah.'

I still couldn't see, anyways.

- Have you talked to Justin? - No.

I didn't tell Justin I was going to lunch with you.

He knows that we've always talked though.

Yeah, no, we talked about it

'back when you guys were hanging out, you know'

'when I lived right next door.'

And you guys were starting to deal with all your drama.

Yeah.

You know, he'd always

think that, like, something was going on between us.

- Yeah, totally. - Whatever.

I don't wanna talk about Justin.

I'd rather have lunch with you.

♪ I want it like my heartbeat ♪

♪ I want it like my heartbeat running wild ♪

♪ I want what's in my heartbeat ♪

♪ I want it to match my freaky vocal style ♪

♪ I want it like my heartbeat ♪

♪ I want it like my heartbeat running wild ♪♪

[Spencer] 'Dude, I'm gonna put you on tour.'

- You're gonna get a hiker. - Did you see it?

No, that was . I seen it.

I'm actually not even gonna hit after that.

I'll just chip if you're gonna be the driver over there.

Um, okay, when you look at this house, what do you think?

Well, this is, like, responsible adult living.

'Hundred percent married guy life.'

Married life for Heidi means kids and right now, no.

Dude, you just got married, man. There's no point in...

I never in my right mind would have got married

if I thought the second we got married, it was kid time.

You should have had that chat before you got married.

When I got the house, I didn't realize

the neighbor has a one year old and a six year old.

That might keep Heidi busy for a little bit.

'Cause little kids act so cute and funny

and, like, six.

She's, like, "This is so fun, this is so fun."

[Enzo] 'Hey, Spencer, what are you doing?'

Oh, my God, he's back.

What's up, little buddy?

Charlie. Nice to meet you.

Enzo, what was our rule about you coming over

uninvited?

How do you get in through the gate?

- The gate's closed. - Square.

Zero, three, one, zero.

- Like that. - Oh!

- Well, I'll be changing that-- - I'll be here all the time.

Enzo, you wanna putt around with some golf balls?

- Yeah. - Let me get a club your size.

I never play golf for real.

Enzo, does your mom know where you are right now?

- Yeah. - 'She knows you're over here?'

Yep. Heidi like kids.

- Who told you that, Heidi? - Yes.

[Spencer] This is how we play golf.

- Whoo! - Keep your eye on that one?

- Did you see that? - Now you lost it.

[Spencer] 'So you know what you do?'

You go down there and you go get it for us.

But that is already lost.

Oh, let's play hide and go seek.

- Hide and seek? - Yeah.

- You go hide over there. - I'll count to .

And we'll count to .

- Two thousand's a lot. - Okay.

- Well, , it is. - I'll count to .

Ready? Go!

[Charlie] 'What are you gonna do?'

I'm gonna get my tubes tied, like, tomorrow.

Oh, my gosh, dude.

Like, this is so over my head.

I never thought I would have A, a wife

B, a wife wanting to have kids before she was .

Most girls wanna keep their tight

little, sexy bodies as long as possible.

It's a joint decision. She can't talk you into that.

♪ Girls like me we do what we wanna ♪

♪ Wanna have some fun act like a prima donna ♪

♪ Girls like me you know you won't be ♪♪

I mean, we kissed once, so it's not, like, messing up.

It's not like we're hooking up.

I still can't believe Justin didn't show up.

The thing is, I never actually

care about a guy, like, I don't go out of my way.

I don't, I don't think about guys

at night, you know, but it's, like

but I've thought about him and it's, like...

No, I know. It's difficult.

I just really, I really didn't think I would actually

have feelings for him and get upset ever.

- 'Then stop thinking about it.' - Yo! Oh!

What up? Hey!

Where have you guys been?

Brody just got here, actually.

Well, if there isn't a Justin Bobby, there's a Brody.

- 'Wait a minute.' - Hi, Brody!

♪ Happy birthday ♪♪

Is that beer for me? Thank you.

- 'Did you have fun today?' - Oh, I had a blast.

I had a bummer towards the end, like...

- Why? - I don't know, me and like...

Jayde just kinda, I don't know.

She kept on feeling like she...

I think she was mad at me.

Your mom was, like, Team Kristin.

'Regardless, I'm just, you know, I want her to be here.'

- I want her to come, but-- - 'She wouldn't come here?'

She's, she...

- We left, I left her-- - She's not here?

'...fight, I didn't want to fight with her, no.'

- 'She's not even here.' - I thought she was coming.

I would love for her to come here, but I just got

really upset that I wanted to come here

and Jayde was, like, "No, no, let's just go to dinner."

'No. She didn't wanna come here.'

- 'Cause of me? - And I don't wanna... Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry you guys are fighting, that sucks.

'Cause she was really excited about the party--

'I love her. I love her to death.'

Love is a horrible, horrible thing

when it goes wrong.

That's the truth.

'This is the kind of thing that ends a relationship.'

♪ And I'm gonna keep my guard up ♪♪

♪ Ooh la la ♪

♪ Sing ooh la la la la ♪

♪ Come on y'all ♪

♪ Ooh la la ♪

♪ Sing ooh la la la la ♪

♪ Come on y'all ooh ♪♪

- How are you this evening? - Good, how are you?

- Good. Very good. - Enjoy your meal.

Thank you.

Are you gonna wear that hat everywhere?

Only a true man can wear a beaver skin hat to dinner.

You're gonna wear that hat in the restaurant?

You got a problem with it, honey?

No, cow man.

What do you wanna get first?

A cat, a dog, a bird

a lizard or something else?

Cheers to there's no baby on that, uh, list.

- I was gonna say baby. - No.

- Or a baby? - No baby.

What do you have against babies?

You knew I wanted a bigger family when we got married.

- No, I didn't. - At my age, my mom had a kid.

- And one on the way. - Twenty three?

You knew what you married into. Don't pretend you don't.

Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?

Both.

You gonna pour some for your wife?

I didn't know if you would want it, I would never assume--

Of course, one flesh. What you want, I want.

Uh, that's not always true

'cause I never want to have kids.

Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet.

♪ Come on come on and let's get to it

♪ Don't act shy 'cause I know you wanna do it ♪

♪ Lose your mind in this melody ♪

♪ Break off the chain and set it free ♪♪

- 'Hi.' - 'Hi.'

[Audrina] 'Here's your coffee.'

- This is new. - Thank you. It is, yeah.

- I like it. - Tell me--

- So... About Derek? - Yes.

Well, he came to my house and picked me up.

He opened my door.

And we just caught up

and, like, he asked me about Justin

and like what I've been up to.

He's funny. He's good-looking.

- He's really nice. - Have you guys talked since?

- Yeah, it was really nice. - Do you really like him?

Yeah, like, who knows what will happen?

I'm not gonna say anything, but as of right now

he's just fun to be around.

No drama and that's what's fun.

'What's Justin gonna think?'

Who cares?

The party that I went to, Brody's surprise party--

Oh, yeah, how was that?

You're gonna like this.

Justin stood Kristin up.

Like, Kristin kept on texting him, like

Where are you? Where are you?

Good. Doesn't surprise me. She has no idea--

You should have had that slumber party with Audrina and Lo and I.

- Yeah. - It's all karma.

It's not even karma. It's trying to date Justin.

- I don't know what's gonna-- - That is kind of funny.

- Hilarious. - Oh, my God.

♪ We can try dry your eyes no reason to cry ♪

♪ Take my hand girl you can count on your man ♪

♪ Beautiful sounds are breaking up the clouds ♪

♪ Yeah the sun is shining down ♪♪

- Good morning. - Good morning, darling.

Oh, my God. My head is pounding.

- It's so bad. I feel like crap. - Oh, this place is trashed.

I would say no more parties, but--

That won't happen.

I'm surprised that Brody didn't find out

about his surprise party before.

'It seems like Brody and Jayde fight all the time.'

It seems like they fight a lot.

Seriously though, I don't think

Jayde likes you at all.

Yeah, I'm really close with Brody's mom

'and she probably didn't like that.'

That would drive me kinda crazy, probably.

I don't understand how you're not dating Brody.

I mean, I love Brody, you know

but we broke up for a reason, I mean--

No, I know, I'm just saying you just seem so perfect.

Have you talked to Justin today?

No.

Are you mad he didn't come to Brody's party?

The thing he pulled with me, flaking on me

that's the kind of stuff he did to Audrina

over and over and over.

Do you think, like, this is what he tries to do

to see if he can, like, test his limits with, like, girls?

Maybe. I can tell you this though.

Audrina put up with a lot of Justin's * * *.

I'm not gonna put up with it, the crap that he pulled

yesterday with me, I don't have time for it.

I'm not gonna wait around for him.

You know, that's just not me, so...

That's good though.

Strike one.

♪ Lis for the loser it makes you ♪

♪ O is for the hole in your heart ♪

♪ V is for the verbal abuse ♪

♪ And E is for the ending that tears you apart ♪

♪ Love is just a dirty little ♪

♪ Love is just a dirty little ♪

♪ Love is just a dirty little word ♪♪

[theme music]