05x02 - Everything Happens For A Reason

[bunniefuu]

(Lauren) Previously on "The Hills..."

(male #) 'Surprise!'

(Lauren) My birthday was a little more eventful than I'd hoped.

Do you want to go? I don't want it to be, like...

- ...weird and awkward. - I think you're fine.

Thanks to Steph, Heidi showed up.

- Hi. Happy birthday. - 'Oh, look who's here.'

Spencer had a guys' night out.

What gets you up on the bar dancing?

And it did not end well.

Did you just say I'm hitting on the bartender?

Yeah. You are, aren't you?

(male #) 'Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!'

I had to say, I told you so about Spencer.

He's an ass***. He's an awful person.

I'm shaking. I don't know what to do.

But Heidi was going to have

to get to the bottom of it herself.

[knock on door]

Come in.

[sighs]

Hey.

- Do you want a quesadilla? - Nope.

What I have to say'll be pretty short.

'First, let's begin with the fact'

that I think it was totally uncool

that you took Heidi to Lauren's party

when she wasn't even invited.

Spencer, I didn't put a bag over Heidi's head

and kidnap her and take her, she wanted to go.

And just because we went to a birthday party

it didn't mean that you had to go out and--

- That's nothing to do with it. - Hitting on a bartender?

'Where do you get off reading a text message'

without checking with me?

So you go to a bar, get drunk, and you punch someone?

What if he was just lying, making up the whole thing?

But he wasn't lying.

You were at a club talking to a bartender.

It's like, who does that to their brother?

Obviously, we know you have no loyalty.

Who does that to their girlfriend, Spencer?

Does what? It shows me your loyalty to our family again.

- You don't have it. - Spencer, this loyalty thing--

I am not calling you a sister any more.

Well, I'm gonna stop calling you a good guy to Heidi

'cause you know what, you kind of suck.

If I was a therapist, I would be a millionaire

with how many conversations I have with Heidi.

Don't talk to Heidi.

'You're so obsessed with the idea of loyalty'

that you have completely abandoned

all of your friends, including your sister.

Do you think you know any of the people in my life?

'Cause you're not even in my life.

You don't have any other friends.

You don't know how to exist without Heidi.

What are you gonna do when you're single?

If you and Heidi don't work out?

When am I getting single?

Get your own life figured out

and then you can give me advice, okay?

- Just leave. - 'I was already on my way out.'

- Oh, my God. - 'Thank you.'

Have a nice single, lonely life.

[door slams]

* Nothing but good hearts gone bad *

* So afraid to bleed and holding back *

* I'm taking it all I'm taking it all yeah *

* Nothing but good hearts gone... **

You know what, I feel like I don't really expect presents

any more when I go to birthdays.

- 'Neither do I.' - 'I don't know.'

I don't, like, expect them

so when I get presents, I'm like, "Ooh!"

- Hi, pumpkin. - Good morning, sunshines.

Had fun last night, everybody?

Um, I liked that all my friends got together

and planned a surprise party for me.

So did you like that your party was on a boat?

- It was a good idea in theory. - 'It was.'

Situation reversed, how stoked would you be?

You were basically crying half of the time on the boat.

Sweet. "What did you do on your birthday?" Cried.

Heidi showed up. Oh, man.

(Audrina) 'You guys were like reminiscing, um, back in the day.'

No, we weren't reminiscing.

Can someone want to explain to me how that came to be?

I feel like she invited herself.

'I'm sure Stephanie was like'

"Oh, yeah, I'm going to Lauren's party tonight."

I just don't wanna be put in that situation

'cause it makes me upset.

We didn't put you in that situation.

Who put me on the damn boat?

You know, we had a good, like, guest list minus the one...

- The one. - Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

- Hello. - Hi. How're you doing?

- Hi, I'm Heidi. - Good to meet you.

Um, this might sound, like, a little crazy.

My fiancewas here the other night.

I don't know if you remember, Spencer Pratt.

- Oh, the fighter. Spencer. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

'So I'm sure you get this a lot.'

I got a message, he was, like, sitting here flirting with you

and trying to get your number.

And I just wanted to know

like, if that was your man, you wouldn't care.

- I mean, I would care, yes. - You would care.

I didn't know he had a girlfriend.

I didn't know what the occasion was. I had no idea.

But it's, like, yeah, he asked me if, like

I was to dance on the bar right now.

Well, "What could I do to make you dance

on this bar right now?"

So it was more like asking me little questions like that

that it made me feel really weird about it.

I cannot believe he was saying stuff like that to you.

- Don't know if it was the alc-- - Just can't even believe that.

It doesn't matter if it's alcohol, or anything.

- You don't say stuff like that. - No.

Like, you know, I was about to marry this man.

I wouldn't be happy with my boyfriend, or a man

I was going to marry to act that way.

Because I couldn't take lying, or flirting with other girls

and having to look stupid in front of your friends.

- Yeah. - Good luck with that.

Wow.

* Oo-o-oh ooh-ooh ooh *

* Oo-o-oh ooh-ooh ooh **

[door opens]

Hello, dear.

'I've been waiting for you.'

I just don't even want to keep fighting about something

that I don't believe I did, so...

Well, I went and I talked to that bartender.

Was that fun or what?

And she said you were way out of line.

Are you gonna look at me, or are you just gonna text?

Are you still talking about this bartender?

And she said that if she were in my position, she would be livid

and that at one point at the night, you were like

"What do I have to get, do to get you to dance

on the bar right now?"

Whatever you were saying to her.

- I don't remember saying that. - That's your only response?

How dare you disrespect me like that?

Yeah, I flirted with a bartender.

That's the end of the world, right, but the reality is

you don't even trust me a little bit.

I didn't even have a chance to trust you on it.

You had to go meet with a stranger

because another stranger told you I did something.

- You told me I should. - I didn't say that.

- You said, "Yeah, that's fine." - Said, "Do whatever you want."

I can't believe you're turning this all around on me.

There's no way to turn around.

For the last three years, I have been

stuck to your hip /

and I've never even been around another female even--

Oh, so I'm depriving you of being around other women

and seeing other women? I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

Okay, well, I think maybe you should spend a lot

more time away from me then, why don't you

make sure you have your guy nights out

and your whatever you wanna do, because I'm gonna go to Colorado

have some time to think and figure out what we're gonna do.

Great. Have a great trip.

Tell your mom I said hello.

* It's a hard time you ready for it *

* I'm not sure if you'll ever make it *

* Give you a call *

* I'll give you a call *

* And it's a hard world we're sad as it seems *

* Are you gonna be the light to shine between... **

- Hi! - Hi.

- 'How are you?' - I haven't seen you in...

- I know. - A while it feels like.

- So long. How was your flight? - I know.

My flight was good. It was easy.

Uneventful?

Uneventful, unlike my life recently.

I wish my life was more uneventful.

- Mm? - I'm so frustrated.

So sick of being frustrated.

Maybe you should take a break.

That's why I came here.

But, um, I have some maybe good news that you'll be happy about.

I went to Lauren's surprise birthday the other night.

And I think she was kind of thrown off

and not too happy about me being there.

And I think she's just so frustrated that

she feels like I chose Spencer, and as the night progressed

you know, it really started changing

and it just felt like my old friend again.

I know. Those guys were your family.

Yeah.

It was such a good night, except Stephanie's ex-boyfriend

texted Stephanie like, "Spencer's so shady.

He's trying to get the bartender's number."

And Spencer, like, hit him five times.

- No way. - In the face.

- And he had to get stitches. - That's horrible.

- That's not okay. - None of it's good.

Well, he's the common thread in every issue

that you're having in your life.

Everything is just, like, crumbling, you know?

Well, it doesn't sound like everything's crumbling.

Sounds like things are better with you and Lauren.

- That's huge. - That's such a big step.

- I didn't think we'd get there. - Yeah.

It's good to be home.

* O-o-oh o-o-oh **

Okay, do you mind doing a dress?

(Lauren) 'Oh, I don't care.'

Okay, pants out of this or a dress out of this?

[sighs] I don't know, Steph.

That's your call.

Why aren't you being more helpful?

It kind of depends what you want to do.

'Did you have a good birthday?'

Um, it was a little more dramatic than I needed.

You know, Heidi invited herself.

How did she invite herself?

Um, she was like, "Lauren's having a party? I should come."

You didn't think you should tell her that maybe

my birthday wasn't the best time to come?

What about SLS?

You went to her event.

That wasn't her event. She works for a company--

She works for Bolthouse that threw a party, and you went.

With people. I wasn't going to Heidi's birthday party.

Why can't you get along with her? I just like.. This is--

'Cause I hate your brother, and she's marrying him.

- What are you talking about? - Who cares about my brother?

Like, look at Heidi as her own person.

I think it was really inappropriate

for her to be there. I do.

And I think that if you were really my friend

you would have been like, "Hey, don't go to her birthday.

Maybe, you know, ask her to go to dinner."

You would never go to a dinner with her.

Well, if I wouldn't go to a dinner with her

what makes you think I'd want her at my birthday?

All she wants is her best friend back.

Stephanie, you have to stop. You have to stop pushing it on me.

- I'm not kidding. - 'Okay. Okay.'

It's not fair to me. Let it go.

It's not fair to force someone on someone else.

- I just...alright. - Okay.

Do you have your swatch?

* Now hang me up to dry *

* I'm pearly like the whites *

* The whites of your eyes **

This is so cute. What's up, buddy?

- How you doing, man? - It's been too long.

- How you been? - Awful.

What is this little vegan place.

- It's the muse, homie. - Alright.

Well, thank you for returning my call, "A."

"B," hearing my desperation.

Alright, cut the "BS" out.

I'm here because you callin' me

leaving me a message

telling me you are in some kind of

desperate situation.

I know we've had a little falling out in the past

but you are still my friend.

I still consider you one of my friends.

But what happened?

So she comes home, just packs her bag...

- Flies to Colorado. - Is that where she is now?

Oh, yeah, to meet up with her mom who hates me

as much as, uh, our good buddy LC does, if not more.

Well, I mean, what does that say about your guys' relationship?

It's bananas, homie. Trust me.

I...if I were you, I'd be pissed at Heidi.

Oh, I'm totally on your page now.

It's making me just rethink everything 'cause it's, like

how are we supposed to continue on with a relationship or--

If you don't, if you don't believe me...

- 'Over this dude...' - Over this random guy...

I just never even put it to that, like, simple--

'She's believing a random dude that dated your little sister'

'who's bitter about them breaking up.'

You just need to be like, "Fine, you know what

if you're not gonna trust me, fine, I'm out of here."

Go out to the clubs a little bit. Go hang out.

Go spread your wings. You're still years old.

If we were married right now, that'd be my wife.

Well, that's why you can't put too many eggs in one basket.

'Go out and enjoy your life.'

You've been cooped up in this little, this little world that

you and Heidi have created in this apartment

with your video games and your things

and it's like you haven't got out.

Go out with your guy friends. Go and talk to some chicks.

She just straight-up left you.

You're allowed to talk to whoever you want now

as far as I'm concerned.

'That'd be my advice, you know?'

* Why *

* Why *

* Why'd you have to say you loved me *

* Why *

* Why **

- Oh! - Brr.

This is definitely different than LA.

- Hi, Heids. - How are you?

Welcome. It's so good to see you. I'm off soon.

- Brr. I am freezing. - No, you're just...

My bones are frozen. My blood is frozen.

You're accustomed to that sunny California weather.

- We missed you at Christmas. - I know.

- 'And at Thanksgiving.' - I know.

I saw Colby.

I haven't seen him in a long time.

Didn't you used to date Colby?

I think he was, like, my first boyfriend.

I think he was your first love.

- Aww. - Such a nice boy.

'He's got his act together, coming home'

starting his own business at years old.

By golly, good for him.

- He was asking about you. - Oh.

(Colby) 'Heidi.

- Hi. - 'How are you?'

- How are you? - I am so good.

I haven't seen you in a long time.

- I know, it's been forever. - What are you doing?

I-I thought you guys would run into each other before.

- 'Now, this is amazing.' - I know. I know.

I feel like this is almost, like, set-up or something.

'It's got to be a God thing.'

I...yeah, we just came into town last night.

This is crazy. You guys had a lot of great times together.

- We did. - Good strong Christian boy.

He's going to Colorado Christian.

But I do remember you were the only one

I would let her drive in the car with because I trusted you.

Yeah. I remember that too.

- 'How fun.' - Good times.

Are you still playing any sports?

Oh, my gosh. You were the stud of your high school. Wasn't he?

Was he, like, the wrestling champ of like Colorado?

You couldn't be more enthralled right now.

- I love you, Colby. - 'Thank you.'

Spencer is a purple belt in jujitsu.

- Really? - 'Isn't that really hard?'

Yeah, as a matter of fact, he just got in a fight.

- Really? - 'Yeah. A real fight.'

Spencer and my mom don't get along very well, which is hard.

For good reason.

They kind of got off on the wrong foot.

So when are you getting married?

- I don't know. - 'Are you-you're engaged?'

- No. - Oh, so there's still hope?

[Colby laughs]

Mom.

[instrumental music]

* So when I'm old and out of time *

* Will you keep me pick me up *

* Although it's lonely at the top **

(Brody) 'It's a classy establishment.'

- Which side would you like? - I'd like the middle, please.

You want middle? Want me to go over here?

Oh, wow. Did you have fun at your party?

Um...kind of.

You tell me how awkward it was to have Heidi show up.

I don't know what's more awkward, is if she came

or if that Stephanie brought her and didn't, like...

Don't even get me on the Stephanie subject.

Stephanie did invite her, didn't she?

Stephanie told her about it

and then Heidi said she wanted to come.

I mean, I'm like, did I miss

like, the step we took where we became best friends again?

Like, the issue that we had hasn't gone anywhere.

And you want to know something even more awkward

is that Spencer, I guess, you know

Heidi and him got in this huge fight

'and Heidi left and went to Colorado.'

And I guess Spencer just obviously had nobody to call

so he decided to call me.

'I guess he's at a really bad place right now.'

'I guess he doesn't know who to call.'

The thing that's craziest is that

after everything that's gone down

the two people that they b*rned

are the only two people they have to call.

[instrumental music]

- It's cold out here. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - It's so pretty.

What are you thinking about out here?

Just thinking about my trip here and how nice it's been

and just so drama-free, and relaxing, and...

- Yeah. - You know.

It was so great to see Colby last night. He's so cute.

He is the exact same. It's so funny.

'I haven't seen him in years.'

Well, everything happens for a reason.

Maybe it's not a coincidence.

I just feel like, I just love it when you come home.

I feel like you get grounded again

and you kind of remember who you are

and I think in LA, you spend too much time with Spencer.

I think he's the only one you spend time with.

That's why I'm so happy that you and Lauren

are re-establishing your friendship.

That's...for you guys to have girl time.

I feel like you think that Spencer has, like

this power over me, and he doesn't.

It's like I'm my own person, and I always choose

what I want and I always do what I want.

And just because you spend time with someone

doesn't mean that he, like, chooses things.

That's probably true, but I do think that

you're more influenced by him than you realize.

Well, I think it's good that we didn't get married.

There's too many things you don't know about each other.

* Nothing is forever *

* Still I can't let go *

* You know **

- Ahh. - That was a juicy lime.

It seems like every time you come here

we finish a bottle of tequila.

So where, where's your girlfriend?

Well, after she met up with you, she went straight home

packed her bag and flew home to Colorado.

- Really? - 'Yeah.'

- 'Abandoned me.' - 'Did she ask you--'

Didn't even tell me if we were broken up.

Didn't tell me anything. Just left.

Wow.

Well, I mean, I thought she was nuts.

'I don't know your relationship. I don't know what it's like.'

And just from what I see, it's kind of crazy.

It's definitely crazy.

- What's the toast? - To no crazy girlfriends.

'I could toast to that.'

Aah!

I like how tequila

creates and fixes all of our problems.

'Next time it's gonna be what?'

Is there gonna be a next time?

I mean, it's up to you. I don't know.

- Well... - 'Well?'

I think this is the end of the evening.

I know. I'm kind of sad.

What are we gonna do?

* So you can cut me loose *

* I'm not your revelation *

* I'm not your only excuse *

* So you can cut me loose *

* I'm not your revelation *

* Well I'm not your personal excuse **

[theme music]