I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar
I used to hit the button
but then I hit a
[Applause]
to see me guna strike my
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I gotta go
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that feels does one turnover please
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blazer I thought it was lefties day to
do breakfast yeah I heard him screaming
bloody m*rder in the middle of the night
I figured somebody broke in and k*lled
him you forgot to put this in the
toaster what are you paralyzed well look
who wasn't m*rder*d morning not that I
give a rat's ass but you look like a
rat's ass and you just buttered the cat
lift it looking bad it's a good day to
be blind
awesome yo the same dream as always I'm
back at my job as a massage therapist
I'm massaging a client man I know a spot
about dream interpretation the hooks in
your dreams
they represent the hooks on your hands
wow you're good you miss working the
tighted I challengers the intellectual
stimulation of the workplace that
rewarding feeling you get when you rub a
big stringy knot out of someone's
shoulders way no Spaulding's right a job
gives us a sense of purpose it makes us
feel vital and alive I'd miss it if I
couldn't work at the bar never seeing me
babies fill the deer vodka you know what
I miss the long hours and the low pay
getting chewed out for a simple
five-hour lunch the whining co-workers
the tiny cubicles go in a few thousand
over on your expense account the police
marching you through the office in
handcuffs
yep I really miss it don't mind em tags
Lefty they're putting up walls so they
won't have to confront their own low
self-esteem I feel good about having no
self-esteem
doesn't that screw everything up what
happened to the proud men who used to
live in this house they moved out and we
moved in you don't take any pride in
your appearance this place is our mess
cut us some slack it's just breakfast
it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon you need
to get your confidence back Lefty I'm
getting you a job yes yes an excellent
idea in fact I'm gonna get you all jobs
you and your big mouth first off your
job Lefty oh I can't wait what is it I
don't know don't tell me I'm a Salesman
no no a bag boy does my hair look all
right
how's my breast I brought a little
toothbrush but somebody shut him up it's
way too early in the morning
[Applause]
not exactly what I had in mind but it's
a start
I can work my way up
[Applause]
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moo-coo theme song walk hands who must
they steal but I'm a people person all
of us with a barely breathing retirement
home think you'll make a wonderful
addition to our staff mr. O'Reilly
you're everything we're looking for in a
fitness instructor fitness instructor I
guess I should have mentioned it earlier
but I'm paralyzed from the neck down
well it's a rather low impact workout it
basically the goal is to keep them
breathing there are some old bugger's
here that fella has to be from the
Cretaceous period we try not to use the
word old we prefer youth impaired or age
enhanced so yet you don't like the way
these pants fit huh they sag at the
knees and bag at the waist and bunch in
the crotch
gee maybe it's because they weren't made
for someone whose ass is the size of a
Greyhound bus next come on kids let's
get going
but surface eating come on
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everybody shake your booty it's a sexy
senior duty this hearing aid doesn't
work
hey professor it's not turned on oh you
want to return that earpiece absolutely
it's terrible
it looks like a squirrel dive in your
head you could spot that thing from Mars
I'd like to return these veterans that
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I got it I finally did it
why bat meat sauce okay you come and
find me Here I am
nice get in here stop sorry what a
sorry-looking bunch of crepes weren't
your boys at home we can't bear to face
Spaulding after today I bet you could
use a drink I can't even hold a stupid
job my life is meaningless what's the
point in going on I don't feel bad lefty
we all got fired yes but please take no
offense
you guys are dreadful losers true sadly
too true honor these vows or feel the
vengeful wrath of his mighty sword as it
strikes you down into the bowels of the
band
see you next Sunday somebody throws some
rice on the happy couple where are we
going to get rice he provides I love a
blushing bride look at this place
it's a gold mine church services
weddings bingo it's always packed God
really knows how to milk a good thing
he's just an overachiever it's not
enough he created the world he still
needs an audience look at me are they
important I'm good me me me me me yeah
well he pulls in the crowds this place
is always busy wait a minute
I know how we can become our own bosses
and make a fortune
of course we form our own religion no
our big beautiful spacious home becomes
party central for anyone with a bank
account well technically it was my idea
obviously I'm the only one with a social
grace hey I've got the head for numbers
all over town named mannor
party till you puke all this new
business has restored their faith in
themselves there's a million in three
ways to scam money from these suckers I
don't want to miss one of the blocker
and the booze feeling their wallets
parking catering hello hello it works
better if it rings first hello
yes we're available that's perfect
our first booking boys we have liftoff
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okay Beth your turn
35 feet that's your new record but stand
back give me some air oh let me help you
up it's her hands
okay all right group picture oh look at
these greenbacks boys let's kick this
pig into high gear
[Applause]
let's go people we're losing light here
are you having trouble finding a place
for your next social function main
manner to the recipe
[Music]
our mostly competent staff takes care of
everything
you just relax knock back a couple of
stiff ones and enjoy I may not have a
limp but I'll go out on one for you
the next time you need to get down
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wasn't me
main manner please hold
main manner please hold
may manner please hold
we're booked for months I can taste the
money and it tastes like a yacht off the
coast of France come on everybody let's
get ready for tonight
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now in keeping with the tradition it's
time for the circumcision allow me to
help you could raise it as a girl fritz
car you have to admit he got a little
carried away he was misunderstood you
know not many people know it but
h*tler's favorite hobby was knitting
Sahara was a genius on the sewing
machine he made me a sphere tough as a
bunny on it
[Music]
the groom may now kiss the groom hooray
I caught it I'm next
you might wanna check that bag a little
more careful yeah big idiot
please I just want to go to bed
more Liz uniformed officer what an
unexpected pleasure what are you doing
up at 3:00 a.m. we're here on official
business we're shutting you down
shutting us down the traffic is a
nightmare there's loud music we can't
sleep
several naked girls were passed out on
our lawn poor Morty was traumatized and
[Music]
last night someone urinated on but bet
your dog
our maid no one urinates on Liz
Bromberg's maid and gets away with it
this is zoned as a residential area you
can't run a business here let me see
desert bread milk latex condoms silly
putty
Oh wrong list just shut this thing down
it's all over so what you're three weeks
of legal expertise tell you you are the
luckiest bunch of m*nled freaks I've
ever met Bromberg put an office in his
house a few years ago this whole block
was Riis owned they don't have a leg to
stand on
well neither do you but they can't shut
you down let's go tell them to make room
in their colon for that lawsuit
gentlemen let's think about this for a
minute
might not be wise to antagonize them we
still have to live and do business here
he's absolutely right it'll make our
lives easier to keep them on our side
okay we all just get along okay okay
we'll make peace why don't we send him
out to a nice dinner on us splendid I
know just the place very trendy and chic
they'll love it I can't believe they got
reservations people wait years to get in
here
Dane's we created an entire village in
Eastern Europe rumor has it they
imported b*mb fragments to make it look
authentic I've d*ed and gone to heaven
now that's attention to detail a little
higher on the left who says I don't have
a light touch with pastry mmm smell like
a big-ass cake that you stuck in my ass
quit fooling around they're gonna be
here any minute
[Music]
[Applause]
I don't get it they should have been
here hours ago
I don't see another I hope new okay hey
where did something happen to them what
can happen to them they're Hell's Angels
you sure it was tonight blazer look it's
right here in my appointment book see
your twos sure look like threes my twos
don't not walk like threes apparently
they do two Hells Angels
[Applause]
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hi we live next door and anybody order a
bunch of cripples no then we got us some
new toys
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[Applause]
Riley where are you Riley
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right I'm their therapist we're having a
session so snake when your Harley was
stolen how does that make you feel who
wants to play battleship that was
fabulous I couldn't eat another thing I
hope you saved room for dessert here it
comes
chocolate-covered shrapnel not me not me
you boys as amateurs
good party but let's get going fellas I
told my we'd be back by 11:00
you Cole alright bastards
I think we made some real progress
come on is going help
[Applause]
finally it's under control
maybe they won't notice just distract
get him sita human it's all miss Maud a
beautiful house
actually it's a very funny story
you people are responsible for this
relax we'll fix it up little spackle
some duct Davey look like new lease to
me so how was your meal
Morty get our sleaziest lawyer on the
phone I have a better plan dear
spalding open up
waterway
[Music]
[Laughter]
much happy in their all money
you through them all our money listen
fellas this was never about the money
working was a way to restore our
confidence we've done that like a bunch
of bandicoot up a burro hold your heads
up high mates now we can get going on
something new I truly feel a lot better
about myself how about you fellas
[Applause]
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you