01x12 - Cock Tale

[bunniefuu]

ha saying I got five of a card

Sanford are you in a nun ditty bops is

that heart and feelings you know just

get the pennies off my death Oh Todd do

something this can't be legal

they're gambling we are not playing

poker poker is gambling idiot Joe you're

not trained in conflict management I'll

handle this

I think you guys basically want the same

sitting Sanford what do you want play

folder window what do you want for them

to stop playin poker yeah yeah you'll

feel better

what how am I supposed to study you

could try the dorm study lounge or my

room lots of tea and free back rub

who turned up the heat in here it's like

a sauna this is a weeknight for God's

sakes is there nobody else in the storm

who studies what are you guys all out

three jacks a 2:10 well playing

blackjack

I need that I'm not stupid oh just my

last 50 bucks

dude I'll repay you after I win it all

back how was the last of my money for

the semester I was gonna use it to call

the psychic hotline tonight but now I

just wasted it you're out of money how

am I gonna pay for my Spring Break

that's okay we can play cards about

money what honey

I'm bored with our sex life well Queenie

I know how we can slice things up meet

my one-eyed friends yeah Oh me likey oh

you ain't seen nothing yet

Oh jack you got the number two on me and

it's red me likey listen here's how you

can score some quick cash go to the

butcher and cut back on your meal plan I

didn't got a couple hundred dollars back

really Milo that's the greatest plan I

ever heard

no that's the greatest plan I ever heard

but if you cut back your meal plan

you'll be able to eat on weekdays only

are you sure you know what you're doing

I could very easily ask you the same

question except that I completely forgot

what you just said in conclusion can we

have our free candy now all right wilds

are a two part three of Club

Jaka heart four of diamonds is 7 of

Spades I got nothing

hey Joe do I have any of those cards

edge said I have no idea I'm sorry you

probably can't see them from over there

you should throw yourself at Joe in this

hole

oh hello I am Hans Pater

they're glad to meet me I don't disturb

you Aki dirty yeah sure thanks just

working my turtlenecks in speedos

tonight

what else you got in there a pair of

clogs you want to throw in you don't

wash glad you advanced in them dude

don't want to cap the floor

where are you going what's the game

hannes major dance is the dance of

loneliness

if there's any place in this dorm that

hasn't been overrun with idiot

let's quit I've got too many kids I

don't even like these big hey Carol

how about one more game just you and me

maybe I'll even manage to take a few of

those nasty tips off your hands and out

of your mouth maybe not out of the

amount ah crap

the best I've got a dip in what should I

bet Milo that's mighty tough to b*at

Stanford I bet it all yeah you're

probably right

dad Milo's not so tough three aces oh

wait a minute three of a kind beats it

King all I had was a king and a pair of

kings and a four and a king I don't know

what's more unbelievable that hand or

that natural selection hasn't weeded you

out this stupid Triscuit I know kind of

amazing isn't it five hundred bucks

we got to make this money laughs perfect

now we got a safe to keep our money give

me the $500 we just spent it all on the

safe crap why'd that lady when we give

it ten dollars for the save

he explained that there was a four

hundred and ninety dollars taking it

back seat that's just standard huh it's

like he never bought a safe and returned

it two minutes later before

Hey

what are you doing in here look you're

going to have to find someplace else to

make your stupid sauna or clog dance or

do whatever obnoxious thing you planned

on doing because I was your first

you were not I've been staying in this

room for weeks the housing department

roomy with two lon more on it barter

come on hello cafeteria lady you look

out band got a new hair net thank you

for noticing

Oh

what's going on sorry you boys are home

the weekday plan it's Saturday look you

probably didn't go to college you don't

understand I'm hungry you can't eat for

two more days no food for two days we'll

starve to death just like those people

on the Titanic I don't want to hear your

complaints get out of here

a little one will be a week by Sunday

k*ll him with a pillow

make sure you good him before your roast

Oh

do we change our meal plan hey fellas

you're missing pancake day it first

starts off pancake day with the day they

serve pancakes it always runs oh man

pancakes for my favorite mod - good now

I know why they call them hey d*ck

good there's more than one of them oh

you got something for the road I can't

believe it

we're starving and it's gonna be

pancakes to the road why don't you just

see what we do back on the farm when my

daddy runs low on the food stamp he

bought some chickens and lived off the

eggs for a while so you make scrambled

eggs egg fried egg egg low

thank you eggs eggs eggs eggs outer egg

stuffed eggs eggs Anya and egg a Rodian

eggs my cholesterol is over 9000

that's all well and good but where are

we gonna get some chicken there isn't a

chicken tree around here for miles I

could show you where to possum but we're

out of money

all right Plan B let's do this thing

yours can't be dumber last night the two

idiots I live with tried to toast Pop

Tarts in my VCR while I was watching it

you know one time my roommates bathed

yeah no that's it since they've been

here they've only based one time you use

number 2.5 pencil they combine the bold

lines of a number two with the precision

of a number three you know max maybe we

could share this place we could work

together make it into the ultimate study

space

I'm getting chills

look at them there's such graceful

animal genetics for example if I made it

with this chicken I wonder if any of you

would tell you're a clever one aren't

you hmm

I'm gonna call you a little Dell dude

don't do that that's what I call my

penis then I'll call the chicken Dale

jr. hey he's laying an egg what is that

well I don't know but there's corn in it

sweet he lays corn to this chicken is

incredible oh my god is that a chocolate

chip come on Dale jr. lay an egg maybe

he's embarrassed I used to have a hard

time doing it when my dad was watching

he doesn't lay some eggs soon I'm gonna

choke that chicken till something white

and satisfying comes out so well

huh yeah and they even tried reasoning

with them Wow see nothing they're

not making eggs they can always make a

sandwich oh you don't have any cold cuts

no you eat the chicken we just cut off a

head what good thinking it if you cut

off my head I won't be hungry anymore

just make it quick I love him he's like

a chicken to me you could still love it

when instead you could love the way it

tastes

am i dead yet ah crap I'm in hell wait a

minute there must be a ton of

women around here and so he says we're

gonna discuss the periodic table of

elephant and this was the professor well

that's harder for you I know this school

is full of City Bob you know it doesn't

have to be that way what do you mean Joe

I'm part of an underground movement to

weed out the bad students here at barter

the Dean has instructed us to seek out

the worst offenders so that we can

ensure their prompt exile to Welding

school and they barter a better place

I've never said these words before but

I'd like to participate in your group

activity great the first step is to

collect some incriminated enough

evidence do you want because I can get a

urine sample off of any surface in our

room including the ceiling hell I'll

just bring in the fat one sheet we can't

k*ll Dale jr. now that's just the way of

the world

something doesn't contribute it has to

be eliminated now I'm gonna go take a

nap

I know they can lay eggs maybe they just

need the right move let the magic begin

big who's gonna kick the little guy have

a fight boy no you ignorant

Triscuit what I'm saying is people would

take good money this is those two

roosters go at it maybe we can make

enough money to get back on the meal

plan okay but I call mine little doubt

God's coming I finally came up with the

solution for your poker night problem on

Tuesdays you can wait 16 hour

Lawndale junior gotta get ready for

tonight's big fight jab jab

good now let's see the uppercut hmm

that's really more of the jab all right

you finished our road work maybe your

guy should start working to have you

back

quit it Sanford you're hurting Dale jr.

hey dude I see you're massaging a

chicken on my death that's cool it is

you know we don't hang out anymore

what are you guys doing this weekend

having a cockfight in the room perfect

can I RSVP right now sure we're calling

it the storm in the dorm room great

thanks cool then we'll see you there

don't touch me chicken crap this can

mean only one thing

I don't get the Mantis I'll be dead by 9

o'clock

it's not the fire I come for someone

says the Pisan tree

once it becomes a good school I might

take a photography class I think I have

a flair for this all right I want to see

a clean foot no packing below the belt

and if there's no knockout the winner

will be decided by a panel of judges

what are you talking about the winner

will be the one who's not dead okay way

to eat the loser I'm gonna have loser

pot pie why it's a small pot made with

carrots celery seeds and a heaping

helping of dead chicken sometimes

squirrel no no one's gonna k*ll my boy I

came here to see a fight I want my money

back

Alex policy is no shirt no shoes no

refund but I have on a certain shoe well

what are you complaining about think

about the man who has no shoes oh my god

directly into his chat

20 bucks on the little guy with the

weird hand you're gonna

so then our a even gets in on his

fight I think we can get him booted - I

got it all in here along with a couple

of nights still like crate there's a

one-hour photo place around the corner

so we'll be able to get these pictures

back sometime tomorrow

come on it what are you doing down here

trying to steal my pawn no sir my friend

and I were just talking there's nobody

here sure there is

right over what that god-awful spam

message your head I once threw the whole

gym floor with it

Batman I was so high I thought I was a

janitor at a crappy college but what max

was real there's a picture of us thank

you and a map we were gonna be roommates

and cleanse barter of idiots

the only thing did guys means is vomit

fear and when necessary should thing get

creamed

yeah that get you stuck with your

roommate you got I can't possibly live

with them any longer if you want you can

borrow my kids and you probably need

your new roommate

it's mean of the senior dream stop doing

that

499 500 well we have enough to get back

on the seven day a week meal plan or we

can bet this money and get on the

twelfth day a week meal plan never again

will we go hungry on Clem's days hey did

I miss the storm in the dorm room yeah

you did and

we got to get rid of our chicken well I

have to take him up your hair enjoy it

well you got a promise to give Dell jr.

a good home oh good I open another box

of wine on the next three South oh my

god ed won the Stanley Cup no I got this

from the saloon uptown I've never seen a

milking stool this tall I can think of

at least three reasons why that's not a

stool it doesn't smell

there's no worms in it and it doesn't

look comfortable enough to sit on