I thought I was smart I thought I was
right I thought it better not to fight I
thought there was a virtue and always
being
cool
[Music]
I
this is ridiculous why do we all have to
go to a football game together because
according to my ra manual this is a good
way for us to get to know each other now
when we cross campus to the football
stadium everyone has to hold hands with
his buddy
God remember stranger equals danger so
don't let anyone touch you where your B
bathing suit
covers who are we
missing where's
D I have to go Mom we're going to the
stadium for a football game yes I have a
buddy yes equals danger I know who's he
talking to his mom he calls her four
times a day it's like he's in love with
her or something my daddy loves my mama
they have a special hug for when they's
breeding okay Mom I've got to go okay I
will okay I
will okay you
too okay I will dude let's pick it up if
we miss it when they do the wave we may
never get another chance I guess I have
time for one joke who's there who
who no I'm not an ow Mom I'm your son oh
I get
it tell me another oh
jeez got to go come on wait my mom said
I needed a
coat man I'm cold well who told you to
leave without a jacket I don't remember
too bad you don't have a raccoon coat
like EDS raccoon I wish this is 100%
Barn Mouse only problem is it does tend
to attract the
Huds ah
quiet there's a safety announcement
apparently somebody let the dogs out and
they don't know who there's that guy
from the cafeteria look at that
douchebag why do you hate him so much I
don't know something about it I just
want to punch him in the face
D I'm hungry where's the hot dog guy hot
dog
hi Dell Felicity what are you doing here
yeah what are you doing here you psycho
I'm not a psycho I'm here to tell D the
good news I just got an injunction
against that restraining order you must
have accidentally filed against
me look at you shivering here I needed
this for
you um that's okay no I want you to have
it I made it out of my own hair I got
more if you want me to make you a coat
doesn't that hurt when you're in love
there is no
[Music]
pain I think maybe we're in the wrong
seats yeah this is obviously the psycho
section you are such a dork freak loser
whack job Fathead are you as turned on
as I am no whack job we're out of
here wait don't leave without your buddy
there are dogs out there and they can
smell your
fear you dude do you mind I'm trying to
see if the force is strong with me
sorry was that a bullseye it sounded
like a bullseye I don't know I wasn't
watching what's wrong you haven't put on
your Sombrero all day I think I'm
getting sick I should call my
mom
ow I thought I heard a girl scream cream
that was just Dell he thinks he's sick
don't worry I have a first aid
handbook oh I never should have borrowed
that gy teacher's bathing
suit you I really am sick how can you
tell I'm Delirious I can't think
straight I'm not making any good
decisions that's ridiculous hey want to
go ice fishing sure cool
cool carry all this stuff downstairs
okay I got to go launch an ass
rocket so how'd the ass rocket go not so
good it blew up on the Launchpad we lost
a lot of
men the splash down was a total
disaster my o ring is still
burning dude you still sick I thought
this fresh air would do you
good I'm so very very cold you're not
cold you're burning up you're sweating
quick take off your shirt before you
pass
out dude have you been working out
you're pretty cut me I can do crunches
till the cows come home but I still
can't seem to shed those holiday
pounds here hot stuff I'll cool you
off wa your high beams are totally on
[Music]
because lus has
claws
sharp socks hurt my
feet what the hell happened to him shh I
think he's dreaming the little darling
dreaming this guy is sick my beautiful
prom dress it's
ruined oh that's real good he has
pneumonia pneumonia sounds so made up
this wouldn't have happened if you
hadn't gone ice fishing all night but if
we hadn't gone ice fishing all night we
wouldn't have
this oh Dell my sick little boy I
brought you your favorite comic books oh
but I don't like Archie I want shehulk
she's large and in charge just take it
you freaking idiot mom you told me when
somebody swears an angel dies for the
10th time I'm not your
mom Joe is that you what's going on
you've been in a delirium for two days
because of your dumbass friend am I
going to die yes I better call my
mom no don't touch it don't touch
anything you're diseased go to the
health center but I heard people going
to the health Center and they don't come
out it's true now go all right now let's
have a look at Sweet merciful Lord your
skull has been crushed to a powder it
has oh wait that's not you well whoever
it is he should probably be looked at
right away although I doubt there's much
we can do for the poor bastard coach did
we win
coach hike I think I'm getting sick ooh
sick they pay me $6 an hour for my
professional opinion but suddenly I get
you're the doctor huh well doctor why
don't you tell me which pills you should
take
hike but I never said I was a
choose wrong these are the pills that
make you well these are the pills that
make students bleed internally and get
my medical license suspended for 3
months but you didn't know that did you
and you know why cuz you're a lousy
doctor now get out
Mike thanks for letting me borrow your
pants Ed no problem I got two pairs I've
got to take some food back to the dorm
for Dell anyone
looking man that burns oh almost forgot
the
gravy ain't you going to take D any
dessert of
course a
crap man what is that jerk's problem he
likes pudding no there's something about
him that makes me want to punch his face
in oh yeah now I can see it Sanford I've
been looking all over the cafeteria for
Dell but he's not here did you look
under there under
where you just said
Underpants I wanted to give him this
cake I baked for him I know he's
allergic to chocolate so I made it with
brown soy paste you don't know Dell at
all he hasn't eaten paste since 9th
grade just give it to him he'll love it
I'm sorry but my pants are full man how
many times have I said that in my life
[Music]
hey little buddy look what I brought
you let's see I got peas here take a
pee and and here's some leaks go ahead
take a
leak and I got dumplings uh I forgot why
I got those oh yeah for
throwing this is the first time an
unpleasant fluid is leaking into my
head maybe I should call my mom dude you
are acting like such a wuss my lungs are
all filled up with fluid is it root beer
I don't think so you just need a little
cheering up and I know exactly how to do
it we'll have a cigar party he'll be on
your feet in no
[Music]
time I heard somebody is
sick Being
Sober who wants a a free breast
exam oh that one's good that one's good
that one not so
much these popping rods make my head off
Lippy great party
Dale the splash down was a total
disaster I was leaking a lot of liquid
Fuel and it broke up on
impact I'm talking about my crap come on
this is
cool uh-oh that could be dangerous
that's
better hey buddy you feeling
better we got to kick this up and Notch
do something you'll really appreciate I
know it always cheers me up Jeff
Foxworthy he makes fun of them rednecks
they're so
stupid oh man I got to pee I'll just go
in this electrical outlet
[Music]
hey let's set off the smoke
[Music]
alarm it's just a
[Music]
sticker that didn't work what would make
Dell feel better shave his eyebrows
let's right on him let's b*at him with
the baseball
bat
get away from
him oh my sweet sweet love I should have
never left your tide that chick is like
totally schizophonic I believe the word
you're looking for is schizophrenic I
learned that off my word of day date
month desk
thing
murderers no we got nothing to b*at
except this wall socket what shocked
me
oh my God somebody removed the
sticker
Dell you were tossing and turning all
night I videotaped it all is this your
room uh-huh do you like
[Music]
it uh I don't feel well you sleep tight
my PR
I won't let anyone hurt you anymore ever
ever ever ever won't you stop doing that
I'm trying to sleep
sorry something's missing in here did
you shave your beard it's Dell he's gone
all right Felicity carried him
off Hey Joe until Dell comes back I need
you to be my new best friend sure when
the laws of entropy cease to govern the
universe cool now put on the subbrero
not a chance oh come on Joe I just lost
my best
friend please please
please
okay you look like such a tool in
that that's it I'm not doing this the
old Joe would have done it the one with
the
beard
I think I should call my mom you rest
I'll call her for
you Mrs Swanson hi this is Felicity I
just wanted to let you know that I'm
taking care of Dell H you're going on
vacation no phones
there marriage don't you think it's a
little premature wear your wedding dress
oh I'd love to thank you so much Mrs
Swanson okay Mom
bye your mother is so controlling she's
going to ruin the most important day of
my life wear her wedding dress if I
wanted that dress I'd go to Lane
Bryant holy crap give me
that oh man there's that douchebag again
I heard him talking in the cafeteria he
has such an annoying voice it's all like
look at me everybody I'm a douchebag
here I am douchebag that's me douchebag
he actually said that no I think he was
ordering potatoes like a
douchebag Hey Joe you're smart is there
a way to k*ll someone who's really
annoying without anyone finding out if
there was you think you'd be standing
here talking to me oh I see what you're
getting at don't worry Joe I would never
k*ll you you're my new best friend now
that Dell's gone there you're
practically good is new yeah so I guess
I should go back to my room but this is
your room it's our room Dell our room
remember we talked all about this we did
poor silly Dell when somebody's
temperature got to 109 I think somebody
got a little brain damage didn't he
didn't he
didn't yeah isn't it wonderful we're a
couple now a couple I don't know about
that after all I did for you you'd
abandoned me I guess so but D I skipped
class to nurse you I fed you I gave you
transfusions of my blood I'm inside you
Dell you did all that for me well I
guess I do kind of owe you one I love
you
too
[Music]
dude you're back just in time I'm
smashing these mustard packets
here I can't stay maybe I didn't explain
I said I'm smashing these mustard
packets Felicity is going to introduce
me to more of her stuffed animals today
we're doing K through M I'm particularly
excited about meeting
lamby what the hell's wrong with you
you've been completely ignoring con I
bet you didn't even notice that he got a
new
hat I should really get going felicity's
waiting dude she's bad new she's
completely got you under her spell you
don't even know what's real anymore con
and I were just talking about it she's
not so bad she brushes my hair every
night we do the Daily Jumble together
she says this has been the happiest two
weeks of my life hey Milo's throwing
rocks at a telephone pole what Dell you
coming
no this is Cookie COA Wala this is
Cookie kangaroo this one's just named
cookie I had to rip his eyes out because
I didn't like the way he looked at
[Music]
me ow watch where you're throwing those
rocks very
fragile why don't we just watch the
movie I rented it's my favorite romantic
comedy it's called Misery uh I was sort
of thinking I might go hang out with
Sanford today no fine don't worry about
me or our plan or the stuffed animals or
the baby we have a baby well not yet but
we will six or eight or maybe 12 and and
I'll watch them while you're off being a
successful salesman in lowcost men suits
I think I better get
going you can leave if you want except
for the fact that I've broken both of
your ankles and locked you in a closet
so you can never leave
never oh wait I haven't done that yet
darn it for listen make a to-do list a
to-do
list there's that tool again I can't
freaking take it
anymore hey douche shut up meat sock you
know ever since I saw you I've been
wanting to punch you right in your
stupid face just stay the hell out of my
way wow that guy's cool and up close
he's damn good
looking you guys still throwing rocks at
the pole
no we realized it's impossible I don't
believe I missed all the fun well Ed
bickle's coming by he's going to drive
Todd's L Car blindfolded
sweet come on let's
go I didn't even put the blindfold on
yet and then the ambulance came of
course I had my seat Bel on you think I
would get in the car with a blindfolded
guy and not put my seat Bel on you
raised me better than that you treat me
like a kid
sometimes who's there little old lady
who classic you're such a mama's
boy what's that douchebag doing on my
bed don't go anywhere three South will
be back in like a week
you should probably stay right where you
are in just ordering
food you're safe now old
man the three South theme song you just
heard was created by The Flaming
[Music]
Lips
01x05 - Del Gets Sick
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Show revolves around two lifelong dim-witted friends, named Sanford and Del and their misadventures at the fictional Barder College.
Show revolves around two lifelong dim-witted friends, named Sanford and Del and their misadventures at the fictional Barder College.